Fantasy Baseball Advice

Danny Duffy is much better than Stan Stuffy.  Or Brian Bruffy.  Now Gerry Guffy, well, he’s another story.  Stephen literally just went over his Danny Duffy fantasy.  He wrote it in pink highlighter while having cornrows put in his hair.  Oh, Stephen.  So what can we expect of The Duffman?  Maybe just a spot start.  Though when the Royals announced it was only a spot start they did wink, wink, nudge, nudge the Royals beat reporter.  His stuff/numbers have been dynamite this year.  The Royals should just keep him in the rotation.  I mean, who are they rushing to get back to in this rotation?  Jeff Francis?  Vin Mazzaro?  Nadir Bupkis?  No, blech and belch.  I’d grab Duffy in AL-Only and very deep mixed leagues then wait to see if he stays in the rotation.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Guerrier – Just when you thought you had the Dodgers bullpen figured out, Don Mattingly bats his long, beautiful eyelashes and brings Guerrier on for the save.  How many closers do the Dodgers have now?  I don’t know, but more the Guerrier!  What’s that circling above Dodgers Stadium?  Oh my God, it’s save vultures!  Don’t you dare peck at Vin Scully!  He’s a national treasure!  I think everyone knows how I feel about Padilla.  I think he’s crizz to the ap.  He’s not an effective closer.  Guerrier, actually, can be.  That still means to get Guerrier to five saves on the year in the City of Angels he needs a wing and a prayer.  (Pun point!)  But I would grab Guerrier if I had room and really needed saves.

David Wright – The Mets made a shocking move yesterday putting Wright on the DL a day after saying he wouldn’t need the DL.  The Mets lie, when they cry…

Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  After having a 16:15 K:BB ratio in his previous three starts, it’s good to see him have 7 Ks and only one walk in this game.  Well, I mean, it’s good for his owners to see, I don’t own him.  Natch!  (Though I do own Pedro Alvarez… Biatch!)

Troy Tulowitzki – 1-for-3 with his 11th home run.  Guess this means he’s going to now hit 10 homers in the next two games.  Well, ain’t you Prince Charles?  (Not sure what that means, but some old lady said it to me at the post office when she thought I was cutting.  Actually, it was more like, “Back of the line, Prince Charles!”)

Josh Johnson – His arm MRI came back negative, which is positive, not just in opposite world.

Rafael Soriano – To the 15-day DL with an elbow injury.  Or maybe he just didn’t like where they were planning on batting him during interleague.

Alex Rodriguez – 2-for-4 with 2 homers.  Or one homer for each time Cameron Diaz calls Jeter’s name out during sex.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – To the DL.  Alfredo Aceves will take Dice-BB’s spot in the rotation.  I look forward to Alfredo throwing meatballs to Saltimbocca.

Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Here’s what I said in the preseason about Gio, “He went 13 innings over the 30 inning Verducci threshold last year, but Verducci’s a crackpot who told you to avoid F-Her, Latos and Josh Johnson (in 2010).  I’m sorry, but he’s throwing darts at a board.  Can we all agree to never listen to him again?  This year I expect Gio to up his K-rate from 7.67 to a mid-8 and to keep his walk rate (which isn’t great) around where it is or lower it slightly.”  And that’s me quoting me!  So far his K-rate is in the mid-8′s and his walk rate is slightly lower than where it was.  Gio is real and he’s beautiful.

John Danks – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks as his team won but he stayed at 0-6.  My Win Karma is so terrible –> Match Game refrain, “How terrible is it?” It’s so terrible that we’re in 2nd in one league, 5 points out of first and we have a one in wins.  Not only is it a one, but we have only 12 Wins, making us 5 wins away from getting 2 points.  We have 12 wins after a month and a half!  That’s two wins a week even though our ERA is 3.49!   And one day in April we got 4 wins in that league.  We have 8 wins in 41 other days of the season.  Or less than a win every five days.  In one of our NL-Only leagues, we have 22 Wins.  Sorry, that was probably only interesting to Rudy and me.

Elliott Johnson – Now has 2 homers in his last two games and three steals.  For a middle infielder, I say the same thing as Fonzie’s horse, “What the hey!”  I’d grab him just to see if this hot schmotato can keep hitting.  Keep in mind, his minor league numbers say he has very little power, but he could steal 20 bases.

Wandy Rodriguez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, but no win because Mark Melancon blew the save.  Second time in 4 games Wandy’s gone this deep into the game and lost the win.  This Wandy no decision has me feeling Melancholy.  I would’ve been Lyon about it two weeks ago.  Maybe Wandy could help ingratiate himself to the bullpen by taking them to Six Flags and buying them spray-painted t-shirts.

Mark Melancon – First, the Astros refused to name Melancon the closer, now he blows the game.  In one of my leagues, I went to the Wilton Lopez dispenser and grabbed one.

Brett Wallace – 1-for-4, batting .321 and hit his 3rd homer yesterday.  Not terrible numbers, but, wow, this guy is yawnstipating.

Hiroki Kuroda – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks and his ERA is down to 2.80.  And, for whatever reason, I will still get questions on whether or not Kuroda’s worth owning.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Honestly, if he didn’t do this vs. the Mariners I was going to tell everyone to drop him.  So, now you have the good fortune of holding onto him.  Yay, you.

Jaime Garcia – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has a 1.64 ERA.  I could totally be remembering this wrong but I think Jaime Garcia has had a 1-something ERA two years in a row now.  Who died and made him Prince Charles?!

Roy Oswalt – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks in his return from the DL.  After the game, he said, “I felt good out there.  I was mumbo-jumboing around like a lily pad on the back of hornet’s nest.  Now where’s my tractor?!”

Asdrubal Cabrera – Hit his 7th homer yesterday.  In a race that has captivated Razzball nation and made me want to cry, Asdrubal now leads Morneau by 6 homers.  You don’t even want to know how many RBIs Asdrubal has compared to Morneau.  Let’s just say it’s more than double.

Brian McCann – 2-for-2 with 2 homers as he hit a pinch hit homer to tie the game, then in his next at-bat he won it.  Pretty heroic stuff.  Could be McCann hinting at another presidential run.

Julio Teheran – For what it’s worth — or wurst if you’re German — after his start on Wednesday, Teheran is being sent right back down due to the Braves schedule not needing a fifth starter for two weeks.

Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Brought his ERA down to 4.03, next stop 3.50.  Woot, woot.

Matt Garza – 6 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Hope everyone took my advice to grab him.

Carlos Pena – 2nd day in a row with a home run.  He could hit 15 homers this month and it wouldn’t surprise me.

Tyler Colvin – Singer/songwriter, Tyler Colvin, was demoted to the minors.  As recently as last week, Matthew Berry said Colvin would hit 40 homers this year.  I kid you not.  Berry, “My motto’s go big or go home!  Maicer Izturis will be the MVP!  I go big or I go home!  Miguel Olivo will hit more homers than Miguel Cabrera!  I said it!  I go big or I go home!  I’m not saying all of these things will be true!  Or that some of them will!  Or any of them!  I go big or I go home!”

Jordan Walden is replacing Fernando Rodney as the closer for the Angels.  The Angels decided to drop a guy with two first names for a guy with two last names.  Makes sense – you start a game with a guy with two first names, you close a game with a guy with two last names.  (No bullpen backup plan for you, Jeff Francis!)  (Oh, and don’t forget Charles (Jeff) Nelson Reilly in middle relief.)  Walden should be owned in every league that counts things like saves.  Seems like a Neftali-type situation.  Walden has to lose the job back to Rodney.  Fernando can’t win it back by just being good (as remote as that even seems).  By June, Walden can be a Donkeycorn and never look back.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Kendrys Morales – Took BP.  Where?  To court for the oil spill?  *rereading news report*  Oh!  Batting practice.  That’s a good sign.  If someone lost patience with Kendrys, I’d buy him for sixty cents on the dollar.  No more though, he could be a setback away from missing another month.

Hank Conger – Homered in his first start of the season.  Here’s what Stephen said about Conger, “He has above average bat speed and contact.  His plate-discipline is stellar but his defense is still marginal at best.  I don’t see the Angels giving him much of a chance catching.”  And that’s me quoting Stephen!  Conger’s in a tough spot for playing time; Scioscia loves Mathis like a fat kid loves cake.

Sean Rodriguez – 1-for-3 with his first homer.  This comes after Maddon announced Felipe Lopez would see time at 3rd while Longoria’s out.  Sean-Rod pissed off the baseball gods in another life because he just can’t get guaranteed playing time no matter where he is.  Oh, and on a real baseball note, the Rays don’t look good.  That is all.

Madison Bumgarner – 3 IP, 3 ER vs. the Padres.  When the only hitter you need to pitch around is Nick Hundley, you kinda should beat the team… Or at least get out of the fourth inning.

Aaron Harang – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Before the game, Tony Gwynn announced the arrival of a brand new Hodgepadre.  Then Tony ate a hot fudge sundae while watching a videotape of his old at-bats.  Pretty unsexy name, but the Harangutan is worth starting at home in every league until he no longer is.

Mike Leake – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Before you run out and pick him up, this was against the team Ed Wade’s Toupee put together that is currently 0-4.

Mike Stanton – Pinch hit yesterday, but is supposedly not starting until Friday with his hamstring strain.  The real sad emoticon in this whole thing is he had leg issues in the spring so hopefully this won’t be an ongoing issue the whole year.

Gaby Sanchez - 2-for-5, hitting .444 on the year.  I wouldn’t defrost Ted Williams head just yet, but he’s hitting well.

Anibal Sanchez – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks.  It’s not Dirty Sanchez, it’s not Filthy Sanchez, it’s Unsanitary Sanchez.

Ryan Zimmerman – 1-for-2 with his first homer and he’s hitting .364.  Member when you wouldn’t draft him because he wasn’t playing in Spring Training?  Oh, you.

Mike Morse – 1-for-4 with 3 Ks, now hitting .154.  I’d say he’s not hitting righties, but he’s not hitting lefties either.

Brandon McCarthy – 8 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks vs. the 1927 Blue Jays.  What I’m thinking with McCarthy is Beane, as played by Brad Pitt, hasn’t had much luck in the last few years, so McCarthy is gonna pan out.  I think that’s confirmation bias, but I don’t feel like going to Wikipedia to look it up.  Either way, that’s a marginal ‘keep your eye on him, but don’t pick him up yet.’  (Sorry, you now have to read the rest of this with one eye.)

Conor Jackson – 2-for-4 as he hit 3rd.  He’s like totally recovered from Valley Fever, as if.  BTW, he’s a backup outfielder as of right now.  Yes, a team is very good when they have a backup outfielder batting third.  /sarcasm

Brian Fuentes – Out with a blister.  The A’s manager hopes Fuentes can go Wednesday.  Fantasy managers that own Fuentes aren’t sure what to hope for.

Alex Gordon – 3-for-5 with his first homer (in possibly 4 years, or maybe it just feels that way).  After he hit the home run, fireworks went off… In my heart.  He’s batting third and hitting; ask questions later, just pick him up.

Alcides Escobar – 1-for-5.  Whoopie-doo, I know.  But he stole his 2nd base.  Last year, it took him until May 29th to steal his 2nd base.  Oh, it’s on.

Yovani Gallardo – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Rudy picked him to win the Cy Young.  In the preseason, I ranked him 10th overall for all starters.  If you’re reading this, you probably own him.  Yay us!

Carlos Gomez – Benched for Nyjer.  And that’s how quickly a major league manager can realize a player sucks at baseball.   Oh, well.

James McDonald -  4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I gotta be honest, my heart wasn’t fully into this guy as a potential late round bargain.  Pirates pitchers are arghuably the worst in baseball from 1 through 5.  In most competitive leagues, I’d hold McDonald for another start, but start making other plans.

Kyle McClellan – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I’m eating whatever Dave Duncan is cooking.

Cole Hamels – 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Drop him!  I keed.  He had a 5.28 ERA last April and still ended the year with a 3.06.  As they say in Vegas about the shoe, you gotta deal with it.

Chris Young – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Was so cute the way the giraffes at the Bronx Zoo all gathered around the TV to watch this start.  I liked Young when he pitched for the Padres, and Metco isn’t that bad, but his fastball has been trending down for four years and he works up in the zone.  9 baserunners in 5 and a third like yesterday isn’t great.  You can pick him up, I wouldn’t.  I.e., You do what you do and I’ll do what I do and we’ll be fine.

Josh Tomlin – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I believe Josh Tomlin was a child actor on an 80′s sitcom.  I wouldn’t pick him up, Willis.

Josh Beckett – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Sticking with the newly established Josh theme, I don’t love Beckett to bounce back from last year.

Barry Enright – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Uncle Barry was babysitting the baby bears and they went wild.  BTW, Barry Enright vs. Andrew Cashner sounds like a match-up in the Greater Westchester County Dental Tennis league.

Andrew Cashner – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Pitched beautifully until he left the game with tightness in his shoulder.  Accidentists happen.

Tyler Colvin – 1-for-3 with his 1st homer of the year.  It’s about time!  Oh, wait, it’s less than a week into the season.  Eh, you probably dropped him already.

Jhoulys Chacin – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Another pitcher I told everyone and their pedophile uncle to draft.  Hope you had the peanuts to start him in Coors.

Chris Iannetta – 1-for-3 with his first homer and he’s hitting .444 on the year.  I saw someone ask the other day in the comments if they should drop him.  Didn’t you just draft him?

Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Not bad vs. Texas.  But, hey, listen, he’s a rookie, it’s not going to be all peaches and cream in the champagne room every start out.

Willie Bloomquist – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and a steal.  Justice has been served!

Juan Miranda – 1-for-3.  Kirk Gibson announced Miranda would get the majority of the starts to see what they have in him.  Finally, a manager that makes a smart decision.  Miranda’s worth a flyer in leagues 14+ to see if he can not only stick but make good on some of his promise.

Justin Upton – 1-for-4, I wish Justin and B.J. had a brother named Wes.  Wesssssupppppton!

Mark Teixeira – His fourth homer.  He attributed his newfound early season success to not sleeping since last October.  This message was sponsored by Red Bull.

Alexi Ogando – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  A… O… A’ight!  He left with a blister.  Probably because he was throwing heat.  He won’t be in the rotation for long, but you have my permission to grab him while he is.

Aaron Hill – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs.  I think I heard mumblings in the forums or the comments or somewhere that Aaron Hill is already a bust.  Um, they’ve only played four games and he’s hitting cleanup for the 1927 Blue Jays.  Chillax.

Jose Bautista – Out because of a personal matter.  I’m guessing he’s in Russia killing people for Ben.

Even if you draft one or two outfielders in the top 100 (which you should), you’ll still need to identify some late bargains.   The top 20, 40, 60 and 80 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball can be found under the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings.  This is by no means all the outfielders I’d draft for one of my teams.  This is a list of guys that will go after the top 200 and could provide some healthy returns.  Where applicable, click on the player’s name to read more about them and to see their 2011 projections.  Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2011 fantasy baseball:

Julio Borbon – I don’t want to toot my own horn — well, actually I do, but can’t reach — but last year this outfielder to target post had Bruce, Rasmus, Corey Hart, Jason Heyward, Austin Jackson and Julio Borbon.  Okay, Borbon was a year too early.  Fair enough, fair enough.  What makes Borbon enticing is his potential for 5 to 7 homers and 20 to 30 steals.  The parade rain is his potential to sit on the bench and watch David Murphy play.  One injury to the Rangers outfield — that could never happen with Hamilton and Cruz! — and Borbon will be a great bargain.

Tyler Colvin – Same deal as Borbon as far as playing every day goes.

Jose Tabata – ESPN has him at 253.  I have him ranked at 82 overall.  That might be the biggest gap for any player that doesn’t spell his last name with a P, R, A, D and O.  I’m not sure I understand why they’re so down on Tabata in the non-sexual way, but if I try to figure out their logic, my brain hurts.

Logan Morrison – His upside is small and his downside is small.  She says she likes the ocean.  Yeah, I rhymed small and small.  Sue me for the twelve seconds it took you to read it.  Because of Morrison’s propensity to take a walk, I can’t imagine he falls on his face, but he also might only match James Loney-type numbers.  For what it’s Wuertz, Rudy and I just drafted Morrison in our LABR league, hoping he breaks on through.  In deep leagues like that, I love Morrison.  About as safe as you can get while also being upsidey.

Garrett Jones – You almost definitely have to platoon him out, but he’s on the strong side of the platoon, going against righties.  If you can work in a hot hitter when Jones is sitting and get Jones for his 20+ homers and 7 steals, it’s not too bad.

Andres Torres – Currently has the ADP of 234 at Mock Draft Central.  I see no reason why he can’t repeat last year, assuming he stays healthy.  That’s not as easy for him as it would seem, but it’s worth more than the 234th spot.

Angel Pagan – Another guy who’s very low according to MDC.  Honestly, I don’t know how accurate that ADP list is, but Pagan shouldn’t be at 243.

Travis Snider – Here’s what I said last October, “(Snider) hit .155 in April and nearly lost his starting job.  Where the OBP was solid in the minors, it abandoned him.  Nothing was working.  Then in May, he turned things around hitting .378.  Gaston giveth time, Snider giveth power and OBP until he hurt his wrist and went to the 15-day DL for 62 days.  Wrist injuries can be tricky things.  Maybe when he returned in August with little power he was still nursing it?  Maybe his power didn’t really return until the last week of the season when he hit four homers in 6 games?  Maybe Green Day’s been singing the same two songs for the last fifteen years, one fast and one slow?  I do not have the answers to these questions.  I’d like to think all three are answered in the affirmative.”  And that’s me quoting me!

Dexter Fowler – I could just say SAGNOF at this point because I’ve been touting Fowler for two years.  Old habits yadda³.  To reaffirm what I’ve been reaffirming on top of my affirmations, Fowler could easily be as valuable as Victorino one hundred spots later in a draft.   He’s Feign Victorino, ya’ll!

Cameron Maybin – I almost left Maybin off the list entirely and would hesitate to draft him outside of NL-Only leagues.  Couple of things bother me:  A) His upside may only be The Big FraGu. B) His move to Petco doesn’t help at all.  C) There’s no C.

Manny Ramirez – Well, there’s an exciting name!  What, no Raul Ibanez? Cute, random italicized voice.  Sure, Manny’s no longer exciting, but he’ll have the DH spot to snuggie himself into and he’s never… wait, let me say it again in big letters… NEVER been unproductive when healthy.  I doubt he hits .395 and 35 homers, but 25 homers and a .290 average doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility.  He shouldn’t be on the list because he’s only ranked 195 overall at ESPN, missing that magical cutoff of 200, but it’s my list and I can make the magical cutoff disappear when I want.

Peter Bourjos – He may sit here and there because of Vernon Wells, but never underestimate the Sciosciapath’s defensive-minded leanings.

Michael Brantley – This guy is so off the fantasy radar… How off is he?!  How come whenever I say something is so something that stupid Match Game refrain plays in my head.  Brantley is off the radar; leave it at that.  Brantley might be the best name on this list or the worst.  (I guess he could also be somewhere in the middle like Monie and Malcolm, but what kind of hyperbole is that?  Brantley’s the most middlest!  That’s stoopid.)  In the minors, Brantley showed a good eye so a decent average is possible while also stealing 30 bases.  Or the Indians demote him in April because they’re dopey.  Really could go either way.

Lorenzo Cain – I recently received this letter in the mail, “Grey, hola from Caracas!  Big fan of Razzball and your machismo.  Let me ask you a pregunta that is plain and simple like my cousin Juan Carlos del Flores.  Who’s the number one added outfielder in April that no one is currently drafting?  Yours, Juan Francisco del Flores (not to be confused with Juan Carlos del Flores).”  Thanks for writing in, Juan Carlos del Flores.  It’s a great question.  My money’s on Lorenzo Cain.  Has speed, some slight power and no one, not even anyone in Lorenzo Cain’s family, is drafting him.

We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2011 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2011 Cubs Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Hire Jim Essian.

1. I kinda went a little googly when I heard Carlos Pena would play half of his games in Wrigley.  It’s wrong of me to ask a Cubs fan to be conservative in their optimism, so let’s not.  Give me what kind of year in 2011 you think we’re gonna see from Pena.

Whaddya mean, conservative?  80 home runs, 220 RBIs, and he brings Ron Santo back from the dead.

Carlos is heading to far friendlier confines for a hitter.  I couldn’t care less about his batting average, but both that and his OBP should improve if some of those Tropicana deep fly-outs turn into Wrigley Field home runs.  Carlos had a hot start last year (22 RBIs in March and April).  That initially worried me, as some of the Dominican-born Cubs haven’t historically enjoyed the frigid Chicago spring.  However, last year, Carlos had 14 RBIs and a .981 OPS in a ten-game April trek through Baltimore, Boston, and Chicago.  I hope he gets off to a quick start, if only to silence the pessimistic, self-anointed Wrigley faithful who still miss Derrek Lee.  Since the Cubs still don’t have a leadoff hitter, Pena won’t get as many RBI chances as he did in Tampa Bay.  But I expect an excellent bounce-back year, especially if he’s recovered from the plantar fasciitis.  The Cubs’ staff claims that he’s fully recovered, but they also promised me that Mark Prior wasn’t made of glass.  I’m going to say 32 HRs, 90 RBIs, 90 BBs, and 150 Ks.  And I’m probably going to be wrong.  By a lot.

Also, when is the last time the Cubs had a player against whom opposing teams actually used a dramatic shift?  EXCITEMENT IN WRIGLEY FIELD!

2. Starlin Castro has such a cool name I always feel like I want to like him, then I look at his numbers.  I have his projections down for 75/5/55/.305/12 in my top 20 shortstops for 2011 fantasy baseball.  Use my projections as an over/under and tell where I’m wrong.

5 HR:  OVER.  Starlin has been living with Alfonso Soriano, so he’s probably packed on some weight just by picking up beers and bar skanks.  I’d say 5 is pretty close to where he’ll end up, but I’ll take the over.  I expect fewer than 10 long balls out of Starlin, though.  Let’s say 7.  That’s biblical.

.305 AVG:  OVER.  He had a calamitous June and September, but Starlin hit over .305 during his other three months in the bigs.  I see him in the neighborhood of .315.  He’s excellent at using the whole field, and since he’s not a power hitter, the occasionally swirling winds at Wrigley shouldn’t rob him of too many hits.

12 SB:  OVER.  I’m hoping the stupidity of Ryan Theriot permeated the entire locker room last year, causing many of Starlin’s bad baserunning decisions.  With Theriot gone, and with Castro getting a full season’s worth of at-bats, he’s obviously going to be on base more.  Even if he still runs like a chucklehead, he’ll do it more often.  I’d say at least 15 steals.  That will, sadly, lead the team.

3. Last year, Tyler Colvin felt like he came a bit out of nowhere.  This year, I’m not even sure how many ABs he’s going to get.  Is he platooning in right?  Will he play left after Soriano does one of his patented hopping catches and hurts his knee?  What kind of numbers do think we see from Colvin?

Hey!  Soriano played in 147 games last year (much to the chagrin of some Cubs fans).  The poor guy just can’t win.

Only Jim Hendry could have possibly ended up with a lefty-lefty platoon in right field, but I think that’s exactly what Mike Quade has.  At least at the start of the season.  Kosuke Fukudome has never been worth the money for the Cubs, but he takes his walks, which Colvin is seemingly incapable of doing.  If that trend continues, I expect Fukudome to win the leadoff hitter derby and get the bulk of the starts in right field.  However, assuming Colvin has no ill effects from getting Van Helsinged last year, he should still pick up a couple of starts each week at any of the three outfield positions.  If Soriano explodes or Marlon Byrd is traded before the deadline (which should have happened last year), Colvin will step right in.

That said, Reed Johnson will probably hit .480 in the spring, make the team, and SCREW UP EVERYTHING.

Also, for what it’s worth, I laughingly disagree with anyone who claims that Colvin can hit 30-35 home runs if he “ONLY GETS A FAIR CHANCE!”  Because those same people were saying that about Mike Fontenot.  And Matt Murton.  And Corey Patterson.  And Roosevelt Brown.

4. I did a half-ass job of covering the Matt Garza to Cubs move.  Let me hear what you think we’re going to get with Garza in Chicago.

Against that old advice of not picking a pitcher in the first round, I took Roy Halladay with my first pick in my fantasy draft last year, because he was heading from the ridiculously loaded AL East to the NL.  And Halladay made me look less dumb than I normally look.  I will not be picking Garza in the first round this year, but I do think he’s going to experience a similar improvement in most of his stats.  Since wins are stupid, those will drop due to the Cubs being mediocre in even a best-case scenario.  He’ll pick up 10 wins.  Or, if he’s lucky, he’ll win 11 and edge out the 2010 version of Carlos Silva!  But I won’t be at all surprised if Garza’s ERA is around 3.70 and his WHIP drops below 1.20.  And if he fans 170 batters, may 150 of them be Cardinals.

5. The Cubs have some of the best fans in MLB yet the average Cub fan probably couldn’t name even 4 players off their last World Series winner.  What would be the best way to educate Cubs fans about their last champion while tying it into the 2011 team?  1) Hire a poet to write a snappy poem about the Cubs new double play combo “Castro to Baker to Pena” set to “Tinker to Evers to Chance.”  2) Chop two fingers off Carlos Zambrano’s throwing hand and start calling him Mordecai.  3) Sign Jamie Moyer so he can regale the team with the shenanigans he pulled in the clubhouse back in 1908.

Oh, I can name practically the whole team!  Mark Prior, Carlos Zambrano, Kerry Wood, Matt Clement, Sammy Sosa, Moises Alou, Aramis Ramirez, Kenny Lofton, Alex Gonzalez, Eric Karros, Mark Grudzielanek, Damian Miller, Randall Simon, Joe Borowski, Mike Remlinger, Kyle Farnsworth, Dave Veres, Mark Guthrie, Antonio Alfonseca-

Wait.  What do you mean?  They didn’t win Game Six OR Game Seven?  IMPOSSIBLE!

It just so happens I’m a bit of a poet, so I took the liberty of penning the new version of “Tinker to Evers (pronounced, EE-vers, by the way) to Chance.”

The title is, “Dempster is Wearing Clown Pants.”

He tries to distract us from watching these turds.
Silva is starting?  No chance.
He tries to pretend they won’t finish in last,
But one hundred and three winless years have passed.
To keep Hendry employed, they’d better win fast.
Dempster is wearing clown pants.

In last year’s top 80 outfielders post, I told you to take a flyer on Krispie Young, Delmon Young and Nick Swisher.  Like the quarter of Harrison Ford that is Jewish, not too shabby.  Then there was crap, crap, kinda crap and Jason Heyward.  That’s what you’re probably getting late at outfield again this year.  I’m no Nostradumbass, but I’m telling you there’s not going to be a whole lot of greatness coming out of this post.  We’re Cousteau deep right now.  So all the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings are found under yonder and we’re moving onto pitchers next.  That should excite you, you special person you.  Anyway, here’s the top 80 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball:

61. Tyler Colvin – This is a continuation of the last tier in the top 60 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball.  This tier ends at Boesch.  You’re looking at a guy who should get around 20 homers and a handful of steals, assuming you don’t have Alfonseca hands.  Though I’m legitimately concerned he’s going to hit just .240, have homers in the teens and be unusable.  2011 Projections:  70/25/80/.265/10

62. Coco Crisp – Seems like Coco is the du jour pick of people who think they’re, like, totally smart.  People look at him and see a guy that gave a cheap, very valuable season last year.  It’s true.  Okay, now think about his ownership last year.  He was always on and off waivers for a reason.  He was 30 years old while having his first productive season in years and he can’t stay healthy.  He’s fine if he’s healthy but you’ll be dropping him at some point.  Mark my words.  Not with a permanent marker though, they’re on your computer.  2011 Projections:  50/6/35/.260/22

63. Ryan Kalish – Kalish is a big time friend of Grey.  He’s got great upside.  I guarantee at some point he will be the hottest add off of waivers.  Just right now, as I write this in January, I have no idea where he’s playing every day.  You wanna grab him in the last few rounds as a flyer?  I’m all for it just to see if he can break camp and start.  Just know, you may be dropping him a few days into the season.  2011 Projections:  65/7/50/.270/25 in 400 ABs

64. Franklin Gutierrez – I think I’m finally ready to admit that I like Gutierrez’s nickname, The Big FraGu, more than I like him in fantasy, but not quite.  He’s a cheap 15/15 guy!  (Which does grow crazy boring over the course of the season.)  2011 Projections:  65/15/70/.260/17

65. Garrett Jones – Robot Jones didn’t make the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.  Neither the hoo!  He’s worth a flyer at a corner infidel spot if you’re desperate.  His average last year was a bit on the unlucky side, he has power and some slight speed.  What I’m basically saying is, he’s a’ight.  2011 Projections:  65/24/80/.270/7

66. Chris Carter – Could hit 30 homers, but will he ever reveal what happened to The Smoking Man?  Actually, I have no idea if that makes sense.  I never saw The X-Files.  I’m not a dork!  Anyway, back to fantasy baseball…  My Chris Carter fantasy is there.  I wrote it in pink highlighter while riding on the back of an emu.  I suggest you picture that while reading it.  2011 Projections:  35/22/55/.225/3

67. Brennan Boesch – Is he even a starter?  Not sure, but if he gets hot he might start for a couple of months.  He did show last year that when he’s hitting he can keep it going for a bit.  He’s probably more of a guy to look at in Spring Training to see what his playing time is.  2011 Projections:  60/16/70/.250/7

68. Brad Hawpe – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Ordonez.  I call this tier, “If you draft any of these guys in your last outfield slot, you deserve to lose.”  Veteran outfielders are fine to pick up once the season starts and you want to play the hot hand, but to draft one is wasting a pick.  Even if a guy like Hawpe explodes in Petco (which is highly doubtful), you’re not going to hold him when someone is sitting on waivers that is far more enticing the first week of the season.  Really you shouldn’t even be drafting hitters this late.  You should’ve already filled your hitting and be grabbing random closer handcuffs or an SP.  Oh, and I have nothing to say about Hawpe.  2011 Projections:  55/24/70/.260

69. Josh Willingham – It’s the 2nd coming of The Hammer in Oakland, only this Hammer you can touch.  Though you shouldn’t.  2011 Projections:  60/20/70/.260/4

70. Johnny Damon – If he played 2nd base, he’d have value and be able to reach the base he’s throwing to.  2011 Projections:  85/14/45/.280/10

71. J.D. Drew – He’s in a good place to play, assuming he’s playing and not on the trainer’s table getting his quad rubbed down.  2011 Projections: 60/21/70/.270/3

72. Cody Ross – Probably will hit a few homers some random week of the season and I’ll tell you to grab him while he’s hot.  That will probably last for about two weeks then you’re going to need to drop him again.  2011 Projections:  60/17/70/.260/10

73. Jack Cust – He only has outfield eligibility in Yahoo leagues.  That’s okay, cause you’re not drafting him anyway.  Cust kayin’.  2011 Projections:  60/20/70/.235

74. Magglio Ordonez – Soul Glo Magglio of yesteryear is donezo.  Now he’s “Maybe you get 20 homers and a good average while boring the Capris off of you” Magglio or you get “Oft-injured vet that causes people to mock you when you draft him” Magglio.  Neither is very good.  2011 Projections:  65/15/75/.300

75. Luke Scott – I call this tier, “Guys that have outfield eligibility in Yahoo, but you should be playing them at different positions.”  I don’t necessarily dislike all of these guys.  They’re kinda hit or miss.  Or not really hitting and missing, as the case will probably be.  As for Luke “I am not your waiver wire fodder” Scott, it’s cute that you think you’re going to own him all year, but we both know you’re not going to.  If you want to draft him, I won’t stand in your way, but I also won’t stand in your way when you drop him before the season starts.  2011 Projections:  60/22/70/.260

76. Eric Patterson – Patterson’s projections can be found at the top 20 2nd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball post.

77. Bill Hall – I don’t think H-A Double Hockey Sticks got mentioned in the top 20 basemen post but I guess that’s the point.  He’s not that memorable.  All kidding aside– Were we kidding? I did not know. Quiet, Random Italicized Voice.  Bill Hall’s not a terrible crazy late flyer at 2nd base.  Don’t put him in your outfield.  2011 Projections:  50/15/65/.240/7

78. Ryan Doumit – Doumit’s projections can be found at the top 20 catchers for 2011 fantasy baseball post.

79. Omar Infante – Infante’s projections can be found at the top 20 shortstops for 2011 fantasy baseball post.

80. Mark Teahen – Member when people were excited by Mark Teahen for a minute a few years ago?  That’s not an Urban Dictionary dot com “minute” either, which is actually a long time.  I have a nickname for Mark Teahen, MT Promises.  2011 Projections:  60/15/75/.275/7

After the top 80 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball, there’s more names than you can throw a stick at, but here’s three worth mentioning:

David Murphy – I like Murph, but you have to platoon him.  Say, grab him with your next to last round pick then Matt Diaz with your last round pick.  You’ll actually end up with decent numbers if you switch them out per matchups but you also might grow bored by April 15th and drop both.  Or have an injury to someone and need to drop one.  2011 Projections:  50/15/65/.280/12

Matt Joyce – If it wasn’t for Damon and Manny, Joyce could mollywhop homers and save kittens.  Then again, Manny and Damon, or as I like to call them Damanny, will get hurt and Joyce will see some time.  2011 Projections:  40/17/55/.250/4

Brandon Allen – I’d actually rank Allen 63rd on this list, but here he is so I can highlight him.  I like Brandon Allen probably more than I should.  The addition of Nady hurts his value, Juan Miranda hurts his value, Brandon Allen hurts his own value, but I think he finally gets his ABs in the desert.  If they play Parra over Allen, I could have a fit, or phit if you spell like a graffiti artist.  Allen will hit 25 homers with everyday at-bats and, in his last year of Triple-A, he stole 14 bases.  He might hit .230 but it’s absolutely worth the flyer.  I also already went into a seedy motel and soiled it further with my Brandon Allen fantasy.  I.e., Grey hearts Brandon Allen.  2011 Projections:  60/25/80/.245/7