Fantasy Baseball Advice

We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2010 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2010 Braves Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Braves Journal.

1) The Braves expected 1st baseman is Troy Glaus, but I think they might have signed him to make Prado look fast and to make Chipper look resilient to injury.  Do you think Glaus can make it through the season?  If so, what kind of numbers can we expect from him?

Obviously he can, but I wouldn’t expect him to avoid the IR the whole time.  I don’t think that the Braves do either, hence the signing of Eric Hinske.  I think Glaus will play about 125 games and hit 25-30 homers, and probably bat about .250 but with enough walks to get him into the .350 OBP range.

2) I’m going on two years of excitement for Jason Heyward.  Do we finally see him this year?  If so, when and what kind of predictions do you see for him?

Given the current Braves outfield, which has basically one player (Nate McLouth) who’s really a major league regular, plus one good part-timer (Diaz) and one born bench player (the Melkysaurus), it would be stunning if Heyward didn’t play at some point.  Right now, it’s 50-50 he starts the season in the majors.  It could change if the Braves sign Johnny Damon.

If Heyward plays, I wouldn’t be too optimistic, as he’s still very young.  I’d say .270/.330/.420.

3) Between the majors and minors, Tommy Hanson threw 194 innings last year after throwing 138 IP in 2008.  Does that innings bump worry you?  Can he stay healthy in 2010?

Everything worries me.  The jump isn’t quite as big as the stats indicate since he pitched in the AFL in 2008.  I think he’ll stay mostly healthy, but probably go through a dead-arm period.

4)  Tim Hudson will throw 175 innings of sub-3.50 ERA ball in 2010.  True or false and why.

If I had to guess, yes on the former, no on the latter.  I think he’ll have two or three spectacularly awful starts that will skew his ERA. He was throwing at a higher velocity last year, but with occasional wildness, and I doubt it’s all out of his system yet.

5)  With Chipper, Yunel and now Melky, the Braves have some of the best first names in baseball. McLouth, McCann and Dye-as are decent enough last names.  Derek Lowe, Billy Wagner and Tommy Hanson work when you say the whole name.  But what do we do with Jair Jurrjens?  I call him Jar-Jar, but meesa tinks that’s dated.  There’s got to be a better nickname.  Right?

I’ve never gotten a handle on his name either.  The best I can come up with is something involving Jurgens shampoo (I have a friend who calls him Jurgens).

Javier Vazquez heads to the Yankees. This should help the Yankees contend for a division– Oh, wait. They just won the World Series. Well, this should help a rotation that struggled– Oh, wait, they have Sabathia, Burnett, Pettitte, Joba, Hughes and now Javier Vazquez. Vazquez has already done the Yankee thing, putting up 14-10/4.91/1.29/150. Also, that was in 2004 when Vazquez was coming off incredible years that were broadcast in French Canadian. Deja vu all over again. Right, Yogi? Only this might not feel like deja vu for Vazquez, but one of those cases where he’s mumbling to myself, “I’ve been here before, but this time the fences seem like they’re in closer and there’s a giant, industrial grade fan behind home plate.” Alas, Javy, it’s the Stadium Adjacent to the House That Ruth Built. With 99.9% of my 2010 rankings in the bag, I had placed Vazquez in the top 10 for starters. Was looking forward to drafting him as my top pitcher. Now, not so much. I’ll probably drop him out of the top 20 completely. Don’t really want anything to do with him anymore unless he drops pretty far in 2010 drafts. When Vazquez’s 2010 season is over, Suzyn Waldman may not be the only one crying. Anyway, here’s some more signings, deals and other offseason moves for 2010 fantasy baseball:

Phil Hughes/Joba Chamberlain- With the addition of Vazquez, Hughes or Joba head to the bullpen. This will be a spring training decision. Whichever guy ends up in the rotation will have value as a fifth fantasy starter. Yesterday, I flipped a coin and it said Hughes. Today, it says Joba. There’s reasons for and against both.

Melky Cabrera – Melky… Cereal, baby. Melky do what he do. Rock a most awesome first name and a threat for 15/15. As he did in New York, Melky will have to deal with a crowded outfield. Melky, doode, get traded to the Pirates. They’ll play you! Melky will probably platoon a bit with Dye-as, occasionally spell McLouth — M-C-L-O-U-T-H — and start some in right. In NL-Only leagues, Melky’s a great late flier, but you’re going need a bench hitter to slot in when he sits. If he nails an every day job out of spring, he’ll be a 5th outfielder in mixed leagues.

Jason Heyward – I already went over my Heyward fantasy, not going to rehash those potatoes. Melky doesn’t kill Heyward’s potential — no one can kill that shizz — but when you move a veteran into a crowded outfield, it usually means someone’s getting squeezed for time. I still wanna take the flier on Heyward in 2010 fantasy drafts just in case he gets the every day job. This will be a spring training call, as well.

Garrett Atkins – Over to the Orioles. Member how the O’s fans hated Melvin Mora? Yeah, me neither, but I’m assuming they did. Atkins won’t quiet that dissent. If Atkins’s bat slows any further, it’ll start to look like he’s bunting every pitch. Last preseason I wrote, “(Atkins has) gone from 29 to 25 to 21 home runs since 2006. If you were taking the SATs, the next number in that sequence would be 17.” Well, missed that SAT question as he hit 9 homers. Calling Coors home. Um, pass.

Troy Glaus – To the Braves. Glaus will play 1st base in 2010. 30 homers and a .270 average aren’t out of the realm of possibility for Glaus, but health is always the issue. Maybe him and Chipper can go halfsies on some ginkgo biloba.

Matt Capps – Looks to be headed to the Nats to close. Aside from a 2009 that looked almost as ugly as Precious’s Dad — Whoa, kinda prefer to be looking at Mo’Nique’s hairy pits. Thank you very much. That’s what I said. — Capps could be completely capable in 2010 and end up a donkeycorn. He’ll be on quite a few of my teams. After all, SAGNOF!

Octavio Dotel – Deal’s not nearly complete, but it looks like Dotel might end up as the Pirates closer. No reason why he can’t be successful in that role either.

Fernando Rodney – Signs with the Angels. This just clouds the Angels closer picture with Fuentes. Not that you need me to say it, but neither are a great option. I wouldn’t be surprised if Rodney ends up with more saves. Scioscia strikes me as a manager that would prefer to go with a righty. If I were drafting today, I’d probably get some grief since it’s Christmas Eve. I’d also draft both Rodney and Fuentes. This shituation may not be cleared up until April.

Coco Crisp – Signed with the A’s. Hey, first Melky’s traded then Coco Crisp signs. GMs are busy. That’s General Mills! Oofa! What? It’s Christmas. Cut me some slack. I’m willing to give Coco a pass on last year because he had some injuries, but he’s not even guaranteed time in Oakland. Even with an every day job, Crisp is barely a 5th outfielder.

Milton Bradley – All I’m going to say is Cubs, Rangers, Padres, A’s, Indians and Dodgers fans were all excited when they first got Milton Bradley on their team. Cut to a few months later, excitement waned. To double down on that point, the Cubs wanted to get rid of Bradley so bad, they took Carlos Silva. After the first big ‘bow Bradley drops on Dave Niehaus’s head all bets will be off. Can Bradley produce? Yeah, of course. If he wants to. That if is ginourmous. Safeco also won’t do him any favors. I’m going to ignore him in mixed leagues.

Brandon Morrow – In those aforementioned starter rankings, I showed some love for Morrow. I’m excited about his potential. His walks are pretty terrible, but his K-rate makes up for that. He also shares a health care provider with Harden. Morrow wants to start and the Blue Jays should let him. Leaving Safeco and the AL West doesn’t help Morrow’s value, but he should come as a bargain in 2010 drafts and he’s still worth the flier.

Brett Wallace – Went over Michael Taylor for fantasy in the Halladay trade. Then Stephen went over Wallace in his Blue Jays prospects post. I agree with Stephen. Wallace probably will start the year in the minors. If he starts 2010 in the majors, then I’ll be sure to put you on notice to grab him as a corner infidel.

Nick Johnson – To become a Yankee, Nick Johnson had to pass a physical. And he did! When healthy, Johnson will bat 2nd, pushing Granderson to a run-producing spot. Johnson, if healthy, can get on base and score a ton of runs, while contributing 20+ homers. A healthy Johnson could be a steal in fantasy drafts. But, as John Wayne Bobbitt might say, this Johnson hasn’t been healthy in years. BTW, this is Nick Johnson if he gets what he wants for Christmas. This is him if he doesn’t.

Josh Hamilton hits the DL and could be out for two months.  I’m not one to say I told you so, but… Man did I call this one!  Schadenfreude, snitches!  Sorry, I had to get that off my chest.  Really, no one could’ve saw this coming…. Except me!  Sorry, hiccup.  Of course, Hamilton’s injured.  He was abusing his body like Pookie for five years of his life.  Hey, great that he’s snuffed out the glue sniffing, but that takes a toll on your body.  Look at Courtney Love.  She’s like 40 years old and she looks older than the 75-year-old guy who turns on the lights for your bowling lane.  Then you throw in the fact Hamilton can’t take painkillers for fear that he might relapse so he’s stuck taking Airborne… Bleh!  All adds up to trouble.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edinson Volquez – Yesterday, I said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if Volquez ends up back on the DL.” And that’s me quoting me breaking bad news to you again!  Turns out the finger numbness was elbow tenditis.  Pitchers with arm troubles yadda yadda yadda.  It ain’t good, guys and two girls that I know of that read Razzball.  (The Ladies love the ’stache!)  Volquez is not a buy low.  I hope you all listened when I said not to draft him this year.  The Reds are spinning it so it sounds optimistic, saying he should be back in two weeks.  Um, wasn’t that what they said two weeks ago?

Zach Duke – 7 IP, 1 ER vs. the Mets.  Kinda surprised the Mets were able to find nine guys for Duke to face.

Milton Bradley – Fun for all ages strained his calf running to first.  Umpires around the league won’t have to look over their shoulder for the next few days.

Jesus Flores – Gonna be out for the season.  Bummer as the Flores Fan Club was just picking up steam with Randy Flores joining.

Troy Glaus – Swinging a bat next week.  Wasn’t he just about to get shutdown for the season?  Anything to get in the papers… in the papers.  If you have an open DL spot, I’d stash, but expect nothing.

Jordan Schafer – Was demoted for Gregor Blanco.  This one hurt me hard in my Razzball league.  Schafer was leading the world in sucking the first two months of the season.  I’m going to look at Chris Burke next.  Hopefully, Burke sees enough time to prove his invaluability.

David Murphy – 2-for-4, one steal.  I grabbed Murphy in one deep league to fill in while Beltran digs on the swine.  I don’t recommend Murphy for 12 team leagues yet, but deeper leagues can look at him.

Joakim Soria – Returns from the DL.  Not soon enough as Cruz began to sputter.

Asdrubal Cabrera – Left the game with a shoulder injury.  Get well soon, Asdrubal.  Your name makes me giggle.

Evan Longoria – Left the game with a tight hamstring. He’s day-to-day, and should be fine after Tony Parker draws him a nice hot bath.

Randy Wells – 7 IP, 1 ER, and a no-hitter into the bottom of the 7th.  I wonder if he’s related to Dan Haren.

Derrek Lee – HR yesterday. Now has his average up to .253.  I know, big whoop!  But, and I might be alone on this island, I think he’s got a month or two hot streak in him.  Not an insane .400/40 homer-type streak, but a hot one nevertheless.

Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks and 133 pitches.  He looks like Howdy Doody, but he’s a machine.  I am Rowdy Halladowdy and I must kill Sarah Connor.

Joe Saunders – 5 1/3, 6 ER.  Saunders is the new blech.

Kelvim Escobar – Will start this Saturday vs. the Tigers.  I have him stashed in one league.  Probably be a game time decision on whether I start him.  It’s not a 12 team league.  I wouldn’t start him there.  Not worth the headache.  Just wait to see how he does the first time out.  Honestly, I don’t have high hopes for him to stay healthy, but he’s worth a flier.  The nice thing about Kelvim Escobar is that when he’s been healthy, he’s been effective.

Alex Rios – HR yesterday.  Now .471 over the last 7 with 2 HRs.  Hey, looks like a little razzing has got Rios running through it.

Rick Porcello – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER and pulled after 84 pitches.  This doesn’t seem very Leylandian.  Was it bring your grandson to work day for the Tigers?

Matt Joyce – 3 homers now in 5 games.  What, Gabe Gross is going to steal time from him?  I now own him in three leagues.  I lost Gamel, a middle reliever schmohawk and Krispie, respectively.

Ben Zobrist – The verse is, “The Zo hit another homer.”  The refrain is, “Of course, he did.”

Kevin Slowey – He’s now 8-1 after a 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER performance.  Ladies and gentlemen of the comments, I’m just a simple fantasy baseball ‘pert.  I do not understand your ways.  Your world frightens and confuses me, especially when you ask me if you should trade away Slowey.  What I do know is Slowey’s been excellent.

Manny Parra – 4 IP, 10 ER.  I said to Sell him last Friday, so I’m absolved of this.  But in one deep league, where there’s few options, I had Pena, Parra, Peavy and Wolf go yesterday.   That’s 23 earned runs in 11 and two-thirds of an inning.  Instead of buying me a daiquiri, perhaps we should go for cyanide.

Jake Peavy – 1 IP, 4 ER. Had the flu.  A’la Ralph Fiennes, “I pardon you.”

Antonio Bastardo – 6 IP, 1 ER.  If only his first name was Ubaldo, then he’d officially have the most badass name in the history of the planet.  Solid major league debut, but it was against the Padres.  I wouldn’t start him against the Dodgers next time out, but I’d grab him in deep leagues to see how the Bastardo does.

David Hernandez – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the Mariners and, no, Ichiro didn’t hit 5 solo shots.

Dexter Fowler – Not only has he stopped hitting, but he’s not stealing either.  He has a lot of promise in keepers, but in one year leagues you need to be looking elsewhere.

Miguel Tejada – 4-for-6 and leading the National League in batting.  Here’s a preview of Friday’s Buy/Sell:  Miguel Tejada – Sell.

Vin Mazzaro – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER in his major league debut.  Mazzaro’s from Hackensack, En-Jay.  Fun fact:  That’s where Grey was born.  Betcha he knows where to get a great slice of pizza.  Okay, nostaglia out.  I wouldn’t pick Mazzaro on any team.

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 5 ER.  He’s been too good up until this point, so I didn’t cut him in any league.  Though I felt like cutting myself.   RIP, Frankie from The Real World: San Diego.  You more compelling than Irene “I’m Crazy From Lyme’s Disease” any day.

Tony Pena – 2/3 IP, 4 ER.  I know Tony Pena.  You, friend, are not him.  Goodbye!

Dan Haren – 7 IP, 3 baserunners, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  After the game, Haren said, “That Tony Pena was an imposter.”

Chad Qualls – Was available last night for the save.  Unfortunately, there was no save.  I’m still looking at you, Pena.

Mark Reynolds – 0-for-4, 2 Ks.  Like clockwork, this guy gets to .260 then he tumbles to .230.  It’s the patented Reynolds Whap.

Raul Ibanez – 2 HRs yesterday.  He don’t need no stinkin’ Citizens Bank.

John Maine – Supposedly, a Mets TV crew member has swine flu and has infected everyone, except Mr. Met.  The Mets said Maine should be cured by Friday.  And, as we know, when you cure the swine, you get prosciutto.  Ah… That never gets old.  Never!  Now don’t forget to tip your waitresses.

Carlos Beltran – Also with Swine.  Now I know how the flappers felt when they thought they lost their shortstop, Arky Vaughan, with Polio in the summer of ‘35.  Grey, see, I’m starting Arky, but Skeeter Newsome is on waivers and I’m in a ten way tie for first in homers with 3.  Should I make the switch, see?

Matt Wieters was finally called up by the Orioles.  We know what you’re all thinking – how could they give up on Gregg Zaun so quickly?  Don’t the Orioles brass have the intestinal fortitude to withstand the hype surrounding this ‘phenom’ when they’ve got the ultimate journeyman?  Evidently not.  So how has Wieters been spending his near two months in AAA detention?  He’s been awesome…ly average.  .285 average.  5 HRs.  30 Ks in 137 ABs.  There’s little doubt that Wieters will be an excellent hitter for years to come (see his .350+ average b/w A and AA last year) but those AAA numbers are more likely what you’ll get from him in 2009.  Think .285 with 12 HRs.  He could prove us wrong and you can do worse than bet on hitting upside at Catcher.  Just don’t overpay for it.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jason Bartlett – Another day, another injury to a Rays middle infielder.  Yesterday, it was Iwamura.  Now Bartlett goes on the DL with a sprained ankle that he hurt while practicing his dismount from the statistical stratosphere (.373 AVG!).  Reid Brignac, who has been hyped for a while, will replace him.

Jose Reyes - Has there ever been a top 5 pick whose owners were relieved when they went on the DL?  Enter Reyes.  What’s the use of Reyes if he has a bum leg (strained calf)?  Let him get healthy so he can steal some damn bases.

Fernando Martinez – Was called up yesterday.  Fernando Martinez is going to be a great one and he should be pursued in keeper leagues.  But let’s turn over the post to frequent commenter, Mr. Baseball, for a second.  He listed these names:  Travis Snider, Cameron Maybin, Dexter Fowler, Matt LaPorta, Elvis Andrus and Matt Gamel.  His point is fairly obvious.  Rookie nookie starts out like a frollicking gazelle and ends like a dead gazelle.  Martinez will hit one homer, slap some fans’ hands, and get sent down when the Church of Concussed Heads returns.  He’s a decent flier, because you never know what he may do for a week or two, but don’t drop anyone too worthwhile.

David Wright – Has three homers, but stole his 11th base yesterday.  Sympathy gains for Reyes?

Carlos Quentin – Now saying he’ll hopefully be back next Monday.  Awesome!  Maybe next week he can get in one at-bat and then miss another two weeks.  Could someone conference call Quentin with Chipper to explain the merits of the DL?

Max Scherzer – 7 IP.  Second straight 10 K game.  Just as encouraging, he’s thrown only 2 BBs in those games.  Owners enjoy the ride and keep your fingers crossed he stays healthy.

Melky Cabrera – Left the game with a sore shoulder after crashing into the outfield wall.  In a home game, Melky’s jersey would’ve caught the jetstream and he’d be somewhere in the South Bronx right now.

Coco Crisp – Left game with a sore shoulder too.  First you have Melky, now you have cereal.  Melky… Cereal, baby.  Melky… Cereal, baby.  What, you don’t listen to LL?

Brett Gardner – In place of Melky, 3 steals.  He ain’t taking no jive from no Western Union messenger!

Ryan Braun – Took a pitch from Adam Wainwright off his wrist.  Looks like he’ll be day-to-day.  Wainwright laughs manically and says, “You can call me, Painwrist.”  The Brewers tried to retaliate on Albert Pujols and he lined a double with his bicep.

Hanley Ramirez – Came out of the game with a tweaked groin.  Hanley was feeling a little less *pinkie to mouth* manly.

David Ortiz – Dropped to 6th in the order.  Solace for Ortiz owners who have seen the chances of an 0-for-5 decrease slightly.

Joey Votto - Welcome to our brand new game… Is he hitting a home run or is he dizzy?

Roy Oswalt – 6 IP, 4 ER and only has three decisions on the year to bring his record to 1-2.  Member those days when he’d win 20 games every year with crazy Win Karma?  Yeah, someone else might too, trade him to that person.

Edwin Jackson – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  I told you to pick him up after his first start of the year.  Cust kayin’.

Mark DeRosa – HR yesterday, 8 on the year.  .260/22 HRs.  What are DeRosa’s final numbers, Alex?

Zach Greinke – 9 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks.  We get it.  We’ve changed Greinke’d to Pwnson’d in the glossary.

Joe Blanton – 11 Ks?  Let me guess, the Marlins?

Livan Hernandez – Complete game win?  Let me guess, the Nationals?

Brad Lidge – Got his 9th save in a sticky situation.  Lidge is going to be given every opportunity to succeed, which means he may fail.  But he’ll have the chances.

Shane Victorino – 4-for-5, he’s actually been a bit light on the steals this year, but who doesn’t love The Flying Hawaiian?  Not me, friend.

Nolan Reimold – Now has 3 HRs in 46 ABs.  Could be this month’s Travis Snider.

Gary Sheffield – Hit his 5th homer.  I think he’s way too stubborn to play and not play well, but I also think he’s too old and broken down to stay healthy.  Doesn’t hurt to take a flier, just don’t drop anyone too valuable.

Jayson Nix – 2 HRs yesterday.  Whatever, can’t supplant Alexei now, sucka!

Nomar Garciaparra – Out again with a strained something-or-other.  Someone picked him up in one of my ‘pert leagues and I swear to you, I laughed out loud.

Jesus Guzman – Optioned back to beautiful, bustling Fresno.  This came just days after Bochy said he’d start over some schmohawk.  Ah, fantasy baseball… When your loved ones don’t stress you out enough.

Ian Snell – Threw a complete game!  Then again, it was rained out after 5 innings and he gave up 5 runs.

Troy Glaus – May not return this year.  No kidding?

Nick Blackburn – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  Usually no Ks, no WHIP, no thank you.

Mark Reynolds – Hit his 13th homer.  Where ya at, Chris Davis?  At 12, after yesterday’s 2 homer game.  And at 61 and 67 Ks, respectively.  This race is way too close to call.

Chad Qualls – Sat in favor of Juan Gutierrez in a clear save situation after giving up runs in 3 of his last 4 outings.  We’re not reading into it, but in a way we are.  Read into that!

Andrew Bailey – Got the save about three weeks (estimate) after he was called the closer.   I’d own him, but it would sure be nice to see him again before the summer solstice. (No idea when this is, but it makes me sound smart when I say it.  Though not as smart when I point out I don’t know when it is.)

Bobby Jenks – Out with the flu as Linebrink got the save.  Can’t Matt Thornton blow his snot rockets at Bartolo Colon?

Bobby Abreu – Hit his 1st HR of the year.  Guess he shouldn’t have participated in that Winter League Home Run Derby.

Our weekly Friday Fantasy Baseball Feature, Buy Low/Sell High is back after an offseason layoff.  When asked what this fantasy baseball feature did during the offseason, it said this, “Went up to the Adirondacks for some bass fishing with my friend, Clete.  Well, one thing led to another and we fell in love.”  Alrighty then!  To get everyone on the same page, I like the Buy guys.  I dislike the Sell guys.  Now if Thames is in the Buy section (which he is!) and Lackey is in the Sell section (there too!) that doesn’t mean I recommend you trade Lackey for Thames.  Everything’s relative, Einstein.  Anyway, here’s some guys to buy and sell for the 1st week of the fantasy baseball season (start the games already!):

BUY

Alexi Casilla – Can run, can hit and at MI it pays to find out how much.

Emmanuel Burriss – Imagine Juan Pierre at 2nd base.  Run, Burriss, run.

Brett Gardner – It’s like a whole post of SAGNOF’ers.  Solid OBP and can steal 35 bags.  Don’t invest too heavily because the Yankees outfield is crowded, but I gots love for Gardner.

Marcus Thames – In 400 ABs, it’s not outlandish to think he could hit 30 HRs.  Actually, it’s quite landish.

Mark Teahen – 20/10?  Maybe.  Doesn’t hurt to find out.  Rotate middle infielders!  All the kids are doing it.

Russell Branyan – Every year a few guys rip up spring training and carry it into the regular season.  Don’t pay a lot for this schmohawk, but he’s worth a flier for power.

David Price – I like him better than Wieters, because, in the end, Wieters is just a catcher, but Price is a pitcher that can still get 120 to 140 solid innings.  Just bench him for a month.  You don’t really need Emilio Bonifacio that bad.  Unless you do.

David Freese – Now Glaus is not coming back until the All-Star Break.  Freese is the word.

Jason Motte – Sure, LaRussa’s doing everything he can to not appoint Motte the closer, but the alcohol has to wear off eventually.

Josh Johnson – You’ll be poppin’ some blowers when you fire up a Big Johnson.

John Danks – And put some Danks on it!

Matt Cain – I can just feel it.  Cain’s about to warm it up.  Genuine for oh-nine and still ain’t half-steppin’, peace!

SELL

Huston Street – Sure, check’s good to the bettor, but you need alligator blood.  Trade Street for an upgrade somewhere else while he has some value.

David Purcey – Mentioned this guy the other day.  *Burp*

Elijah Dukes – He’s effectively losing the outfield job to Austin Kearns.   That’ll make for a fun clubhouse!

Chris Young – Something is seriously wrong with Tally.  Might be hiding an injury.  Maybe he’s just sick of getting things down for people off high shelves.  You should hold tight for right now, but you’re not going to be able to start him.

Troy Glaus – Punt!

Fernando Rodney – If you can actually get someone to trade you a decent piece for Rodney now that he’s the closer, you win.  And by “decent piece,”  I mean just about anyone.

Travis Hafner – How long you think Hafner’s going to be stinking up the joint with his melon head?  Hafner’s head, “That was uncalled for.”

Nyjer Morgan – I like speed and nothing else guys as much as the next schmohawk, but Nyjer’s like a hot dog with no hot dog and no bun.  Think relish in your hand.  Who wants relish in their hand?  I don’t.  In deep leagues, sometimes you have to do what you have to do, but I’d try and do it elsewhere.

John Lackey – First sign of good news, I suggest you see if you can get someone decent for him in a trade.  This might take embellishing good news like this, “After his MRI, Lackey said he felt so good he could go for another three of them.”