Yesterday, I went over the top 20 catchers for 2017 fantasy baseball, and, today, you guessed it (if you didn’t read the title and just fell here from outer space), it’s the top 20 1st baseman for 2017 fantasy baseball. Something weird happened last year — okay, a lot weird happened last year, but I’m going to focus on fantasy baseball. Middle infield got deep and 1st base got shallow. I have some theories why this happened. First theory, a lot of kids who are playing now grew up watching Bret Boone and Alex Rodriguez and their frosted hair and, like a moth to a flame, or peroxide to a hairstyle, kids became middle infielders. Second theory, it happened just cuz. So, I don’t have a lot of theories on it, per se, but offense is deep this year, but not 1st basemen. My projections are included, and here’s all of our fantasy baseball rankings. Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Dancer! On Prancer! On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. Welcome, reader! Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire. You look festive. I love that Rudolph tongue ring. That’s the great thing about Christmas, no matter what your interpretation is, it’s all about commercialism. That’s unless you light the Munenori Kawasaki. The 2017 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away. Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to rank Jay Bruce. Exciting! In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2017 fantasy baseball season. The biggest surprise from this list? Marwin Gonzalez played how many games at 1st base? Hayzeus Cristo! I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2017 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m a giver, snitches! Happy Holidays! I only listed players that have multiple position eligibility of ten games or more played outside of their primary position. Not FIVE games at a position, not six, definitely not seven. Ten games. 10, the Laurel & Hardy of numbers. So this should cover Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, et al (not the Israeli airline). Yes, Christmas came two days early this year. Players with multiple position eligibility are listed once alphabetically under their primary position. This is the only time a year I do anything alphabetically, so I might’ve confused some letters. Is G or H first? Who knows, and, better yet, who cares? Wow, someone’s got the Grinchies, must be the spiked egg nog talking. Anyway, here’s all the players with multiple position eligibility for the 2017 fantasy baseball season and the positions they are eligible at:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Maybe it was the food poisoning I had yesterday, but I had a dream Toomgis, the AM/PM mascot, and I were driving around talking about September baseball. It feels like half the teams are either resting regulars for the playoffs, or the other teams that are out of it are resting regulars to give rookies a chance. Those are the matchups you need to capitalize on with starting pitchers. By the way, Toomgis is so obvious a creation of stoned creatives. It’s a collection of stoner food and Toomgis stands for ‘Too Much Good Stuff.’ Um, okay, but there’s an I in there. Stoner creative, “Eye-shmeye, we just need to move on before I eat our prototype.” One more Toomgis point, how is this not Colorado’s national bird? Any hoo! So, with this matchups point hidden amongst my fracking in on Toomgis, we have Jharel Cotton capitalizing. In his first major league start, 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks. Jharel Cotton makes me think of Faye Dunaway in a heavy Southern accent saying, “I shall avert my eyes.” Cotton showed good control in the minors, and solid Ks, but in redraft leagues, you’re more worried about matchups this time of year. For 2017, Cotton idolized Pedro Martinez and I can see why. He’s five-eleven soaking wet (but I’m not sure people get taller when wet). He also relies on the speed of the fastball and the break of the change. A change that might carry him to glory, as soon as next year. In keepers, I’d be very interested. For this year, go with Toomgis’ advice on matchups. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When I was younger, I played for a Little League team, the Teaneck Yankees, our manager, who went simply by the name John Doe, would spend most of his days stealing the other teams’ signs, but when he gave us advice, through a translator hired by our sponsor, Halliburton, he’d say, “The most important function of the baseball hitter is to get the base. The second most important function of the baseball hitter is to get the WMDs.” I searched Fangraphs for a stat abbreviated WMDs but wasn’t able to find one. Walk-Off Moonshot Dingers? Windup Mechanics Delivery? Weapons of Mass Ducksnorts? Whatever the case, I want to focus on Coach Doe’s first function, get the base. Since the All-Star break, there’s been few hitters who are getting the base like Ender Inciarte. In that time, he’s hitting .360 with 35 runs. That’s the 5th best average and 8th best runs. This is a guy who last year hit .303 in 524 ABs, so it’s not a fluke, or hirame if a sushi chef is reading. Will he give much power? Will a llama do a NY Times crossword? No, he won’t. But for average and runs, you can do much worse. Now, is it a coincidence that Coach Doe was a ringer for Saddam Hussein and you can’t spell Ender Inciarte without CIA? I don’t know. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I went over some September call-ups primer yesterday. It was written pretty smoothly. Meaning: I took a laxative and crapped out a post. I’m a modest man of modest means. What can I say? Everyone wants Yoan Moncada all over their fantasy shizz. Some of y’all got Tom Murphy on the brain. Others of you are wondering about Jose De Leon and how his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-uncle’s quest for the Fountain of Youth was shorter than the time it took the Dodgers to call Jose up. None of you are interested in Byron Buxton. Been there, eff that. I hear you, prematurely balding internet friend. He’s all served us a steak that later turned out to be tofu that left us scrubbing our tongues with our fingernails. All the way back in March, Buxton was still considered a sure-fire, can’t miss prospect. I think he still is. Not everyone takes the path of least resistance. For unstints, I saw a video of a McNugget on Twitter that showed much resistance. Yesterday, Buxton went 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and I would grab him in all leagues looking for A) Spark. B) Speed. C) No C. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Kyle Hendricks went 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, lowering his ERA (if that’s even possible at this point) to 2.09. The Seattle museum, Experience Music Project is going to need to update their Hendricks section. EMP Tour guide, “In 1970, Hendricks said, ‘I’m going to take my guitar, grab Janis, impregnate Afeni Shakur, have my lawyer write a letter that says Ben and/or Jerry can never name an ice cream after me while simultaneously sucking and blowing this joint. Then thirty-six years later, I’m going to win the NL Cy Young if the BBWAA votes based on ERA.’ Now, let’s move on to our five floors of Nirvana memorabilia. There’s some interesting flannel stories I can’t wait to share.” No, of course, Kyle Hendricks isn’t this good. His fastball velocity is down to 87 MPH, he’s relying heavily on a changeup that isn’t that much slower and his BABIP is absurdly low. Not saying you drop him, but if Hendricks does win the Cy Young, in 2017, the same faith that befell Dallas Keuchel this year will happen to Hendricks too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This weekend, I went to an Ikea for the first time. First of all – you are herded through the store on a specific path like you’re being herded alongside other furniture-buying sheep.
Bahhhhhh! That bottom left frame of Buster is about how I handle crowds like that…
Anywho, at the end when you pick your furniture to buy, it’s in this giant warehouse that makes the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark look like it’s in a studio apartment’s tiny closet. Ish is huge! And that giant warehouse is exactly how I used to look at starting pitching in my 10 and 12-team waiver wires through any given MLB season. Limitless streaming opportunities – sure some with more risk than others – but pretty much a starter widely available every night that I could feel decent enough with rolling out. Alas, it’s no more, with hitting making a comeback this season. Balls are juiced! And in that vein, I’ve been overlooking a lot of the “been there, done that” pitchers that have broken through, none worse than being slow to warm up to Danny Duffy. We’ve seen him have power stuff, but not hold up as a starter, getting meh K numbers in the process. This will anger people – but I saw him as a lefty Nathan Eovaldi coming into this year. Ouch! In more ways than one! But Duffy has been absolutely crazypants this season, vaulting all the way into my top-15 last week. And through this amazing run, he hasn’t even been blessed with a Pitcher Profile! This changes now! Here’s how Duffy looked yesterday afternoon against the Twinkies:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Twenty-six years after my Lord and Savior, Reggie Jackson, retired from professional baseball to collect cars, full-length fur coats and start a business where you use cocktail franks as cocktail stirrers, I saw a young Mariner by the name of Brad Miller. To this day, when you Google “Brad Miller sleeper,” you still see archival footage of Grey’s massive excitement — that’s not what she said! I was jazzed back in 2013 because Miller had hit 20 HRs, stole 11 bases and over .300 between the majors and minors. Then 2014 and 2015 happened, Miller did nothing, and I retreated into my cubby hole of snack food that I eat out of sight from my Cougar wife. “I’m snacking on kale, baby doll!” “Grey, you sound louder than usual.” I was being amplified due to eating a nacho cheese Bugle. Finally, this year I was sure not to own Miller anywhere. So, of course, he breaks out. Yesterday, Brad Miller went 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, 5th homer this week, while hitting .265. On our 30-day Player Rater, Miller is 5th most valuable for hitters. The top 4 –> Blackmon, Hamilton, Braun, Betts. Yeah, pretty good company, like Reggie’s cocktail frank stirrers’ company, The Dog That Stirs The Drink, Inc. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
True or false: A) Dansby Swanson is famous for being Ted Knight’s caddy in Caddyshack. B) Starting a meme at his frat house in Arizona where he’d put his checkered pants on a cactus with the caption, “I’m thirsty, yo.” C) There’s no C. D) All the above. E) Was drafted a second ago by the Diamondbacks 1st overall, then traded to the Braves for the fellow WASP, Shelby Miller, and all-around terrible pitcher. If you answered D) All the above, how did you know what all the above was before reading E? Also, it was a true or false quiz, what the hell is all of the above?! So, Dansby Swanson is being called up by the Braves just in time, no lie, for their series against the Diamondbacks. Dayum. Hello, wounds, here’s your salt. In Prospector Ralph’s midseason top 100 prospects, Dansby was 22nd overall, right by Willie Calhoun, who totally tanked Mike Dukakis’ campaign. Swanson is a 22-year-old that was a’ight in Double-A (8 HRs, 6 SBs, .261 in 84 games). That’s neither here nor there, he’s young; he should be owned in most mixed leagues; you’re not going to find his talent level on waivers in many leagues; semicolons; fun. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hey, Razzball Nation, you know it’s your favorite white boy, right? I owe you this one. I’ve been patiently waiting for Gregory Polanco to explode on. You can pfft if you want but his ankles were rolled on. It feels like Polanco has been hot for so long. If you thinking he’s gonna fall off, you’re so wrong. Take some Marte and Polanc and you mix them up in a pot, sprinkle a ‘little Hurdle not knowing who to bat where,’ and what you got? You got the realest and illest batters, juggernauts of this fantasy shizz like it or not! Seriously, I’ve been waiting all season to feature Polanco in a lede. Yesterday, he rained some of his own fireworks on the 4th of who-lie (that’s how I pronounce it), knocking out two home runs (2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homers), and you might remember from my preseason rankings, this little beaut, “Two quick things: Yes, I’m aware that Polanco is ranked insanely high in my rankings vs. other people’s rankings. And, yes, I’m going to own Polanco on every team. Confession Alert! I had Polanco in the top 20 overall prior to seeing where others ranked him and moved him down a round. I could’ve moved him down six rounds and still had him higher than everyone. Polanco feels like an Arenado situation from last year. By that I mean, I will say something to another fantasy baseball ‘pert like, “Do you like Polanco?” They’ll reply, “Yeah, I love him.” I’ll follow up with, “Then why do you have him ranked 110 overall?” They’ll answer, “I don’t know.” Then my head will explode.” And that’s me mic dropping. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?