I wanna just throw away this first start by Yunesky Maya. Just ignore it. The reason why I’m having a hard time throwing it away, young Razzball reader, is because I watched him pitch. I’m no scout with fancy scouting degrees from fancy scouting schools where people chew toothpicks and spit chew. I just know what I see. And what I saw yesterday was a guy who throws junk. His stuff didn’t look very overpowering. Reminded me a bit of El Duque without the Funky Cold Delivery. Maybe Maya’s start yesterday was due to nerves. It’s not easy to live up to some recent Cuban raftees. Maya’s Cuban league numbers tell us he’s a guy who should be owned in keepers and dynasty leagues. He did, after all, win The Luis Tiant, the Cuban Cy Young award. And potentially even more enticing with Maya is he’s already 29-years-old, which means he should be in the prime of his career. In redraft leagues, losing to Dillon Gee, who sounds like a bank robber from the 1890s, isn’t a great confidence boost to recommend him for 2010. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Josh Hamilton – With me away on vacation for Labor Day, obviously no one took up the slack to pray every 2 hours towards Mecca that Hamilton wouldn’t get injured. Thanks, guys (and 3 girls)! (How was my vacation? Thanks for asking! It was all right. You know how when you don’t look at something for a while you come back to it with fresh eyes and see things differently? It’s the Jigsaw Puzzle Theorem as demonstrated by your 12-year-old nephew who can’t figure out how to complete the 101 Dalmatians jigsaw then, when he revisits it the next day, it all fits into place. That’s what happened with me. I had this stain dead center on my monitor for the better part of 3 months then, when I returned yesterday, I realized it was just dried tomato sauce and scratched it off with a fingernail. Puttanesca, you dirty sauce!)
Elvis Andrus – Will be out until Friday with hammy woes. I still like Elvis and his bedazzled upside for next year, but you need to find someone who’s producing this year in redraft leagues. (BTW, I have a fat Elvis picture across from my refrigerator in a room I call my kitsch’n.)
David Murphy – 3-for-4 and hitting .400 over the last week. Also hitting third with Hamilton out. He gets a lefty today (bleh) but then some righties. Please, blog, may I have some more?
In September, closers either mean everything or they mean nothing. You either really need closers to catch the next nearest guy in saves or you have too much ground to make up and you’re secure in your standings. If you fall into the former category, I’d grab anyone I could to get saves. Hello, Juan Gutierrez, would you like to dance? If you fall into the latter category, you can either start dropping brain freezes – Joel Hanarahananananan, we had a terrible time together and now I will drop you. Goodbye. – or just bench your lower tier closers to avoid getting Kazaam’d. I’d only drop a closer if I knew no one could catch me in saves or if it were strategic. For instance, I’ve been known to drop a closer because I know the guy with the high waiver claim can get him and catch the guy in front of him in saves, which will help me in the overall standings. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Raburn isn’t just some old fashioned name that sounds like a matinee idol from the 40′s. Grandpa, tell me again about the time you were working as an extra in Hollywood and you stole Angela Lansbury away from Ryan Raburn. Well, it all started late one night at Musso & Frank’s. We were all pickled pretty good on Cuba Libres, remember this was before the House Committee on Un-American Activities banned them… So, Raburn hit 2 homers yesterday and is now batting over .400 in the last week and 8 homers in the month of August. He’s starting every day since the Tigers were hit by injuries and the power is for real. In his last full year of ABs in the minors, he hit 20 homers. Last year, 16 homers in 113 games. The average could bottom out, but with 2nd base eligibility there’s no reason not to take a flier on him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Rick Porcello – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. Has now given up only 4 hits in his last 14 innings. Okay, I don’t fully trust him, his Ks are just blahtastic. Neverthehoo! You can’t deny the type of groove he’s in right now and he gets the Royals next time out. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Braves should totally give Derrek Lee the number 01 and paint him orange. Too bad Waylon Jennings isn’t around anymore to announce him when he comes up to bat. Lee-haw! The Cubs received back Tyrelle Harris, who I believe is a male model, Robinson Lopez, who dispenses candy from his neck, and Jeffrey Lorick, who owns the Marlins. Derrek Lee has hit 4 homers in his last four games and his numbers should only continue to trend upwards as we head into the home stretch. I could see him getting to 24 homers on the year; he’s at 16. Do the math! The real LUZR in this is Troy Glaus, who the Braves put on the DL with a severe case of We-Don’t-Want-To-Play-You-Anymore-itis. It’s curable, but you usually need a new team. Kelly Johnson had a similar malady when he played for the Braves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Xavier Nady – 1-for-3 as he played 1st base yesterday, but Micah Hoffpauir was recalled. Hip-hip-Hoffpauir! Not really. I wouldn’t pick him up in any league until I saw him start hitting. Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Jim Edmonds was a trending topic on Twitter, I figured he died. Turns out he was just taking the Casino Bus to Cincy, though that might be a riverboat. Edmonds will continue to be a part-timer, gaining no value. Maybe one day he’ll garner 25% of a HOF vote and the interwebs will go abuzz with the travesty of it all. But Jim Rice is in! This is worst than season two of Lost! Chris Dickerson goes to the Brewers, but you knew that. You have the internet or you wouldn’t be reading this. Dickerson is currently on the DL. I like him. In a career 401 ABs, Chris Dickerson has 8 homers and 19 steals with a .277 average and a .369 OBP. In Triple-A this year, he had 3 homers and 6 steals in 43 ABs. I say the Brewers should play him, but I don’t make those decisions. Who is playing? Lorenzo Cain. In 331 ABs in Triple-A, Cain had 26 steals and a .402 OBP with a .317 average. Yes, and thank you. Carlos Gomez is due back at some point too, but he’s not good at, you know, baseball. My guess is Cain and Dickerson, when healthy, will see some sort of platoon. I’d grab Cain right now for speed, then wait to see how this dumbo pot gets stirred. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Drew Stubbs – If you thought his playing time would be squeezed by just sucking on the suckhole, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Edmonds will definitely take time from Stubbs. Heisey’s a better batter too (say that fast 45 times). BTW, Stubbs and Carlos Gomez should be on the same team. Unfortunately, it’s a track team, not a baseball one. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brandon Morrow lost the no-hitter but pitched as well as any pitcher this year. 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 2 Walks and 17 Ks. Though not everyone was impressed. When reached for comment after the game, Adam Lind said, “If you gave me 27 outs, I could strike out 17 times.” Did Morrow go near-no-no vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andrew McCutchen has a mild sprain of the AC joint. Sucks this is happening in the hottest part of the summer. If something happened to my AC right now, I’d be so— The smart part of my brain buried under ten years of pot smoking and alcohol abuse whispers, “The AC joint has nothing to do with air conditioning.” “Shut up, Smart Part Of My Brain. If that’s even your real name.” With this AC issue, he runs the risk of overheating– Smart Part Of My Brain, “No, seriously. Google it.” *Googling, reading WebMD, asking Smart Part Of My Brain to translate* Oh, forget it, by the time I did all of that, the Pirates are already saying it’s a day-to-day issue. He should be out there Monday or some time soon thereafter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Paul Maholm – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 1 K as he threw his 2nd career shutout. If you know when his first career shutout was, there’s a good chance you’re Paul Maholm. Please, blog, may I have some more?
For the first time in over two years, Jonathan Papelbon is no longer a $12 Salad. I know, call your Congressman. Pass Prop 12. There’s been signs for a long time that he wasn’t the same closer from 2007. I didn’t want to move him because he seemed like the epitome of a $12 Salad. Overpriced lettuce? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jimmy Rollins went 0-for-4 in his return from the DL. After the game, Charlie Manuel said… Actually, no one’s sure because he was chewing a piece of straw at the time. I wouldn’t just yet start blowing your vuvuzela at your TV set that’s broadcasting the Philly game expecting an explosive 2nd half from Rollins. J-Roll lost 16 steals from 2008 to 2009 and is now 31-years-old and on a bad set of wheels. He’s in a great place to succeed — the Philly lineup and hitter-friendly Citizens Flank. In a half a season, you may only get 10/15 with a .270 average. It’s nice, but this isn’t your slightly older brother’s NL MVP anymore. This is a guy that is one poor 2nd half away from plummeting in the shortstop rankings. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jamie Moyer – 8 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks. He attributes his success to how well he prepares for each opponent. Here he is checking the Indians’ scouting report. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Brain Freezes lived up to their names last month. With Jenks, Hoffman, Gregg, Dotel, Lidge, Funklin Morales, Qualls, Perez, Wood and Simon all putting dry ice on your fantasy baseball team and then shattering it. No one ever said owning Brain Freezes would be easy, but does it have to be this hard? Can’t I just Ron Popeil my Jenkses and Hoffmen and let them be? No, of course, I can’t. It would be too easy. I come from the school that if a guy has a chance to earn even one save, I’ll own them. Sometimes this yields 6 saves from Alfredo Simon, other times this yields 12 earned runs in a third of an inning from Will Ohman. Please, blog, may I have some more?