Fantasy Baseball Advice

In our 2012 fantasy baseball rankings, we’ve gone over so many flippin’ players I’ve lost track.  This is, I believe, the top 60 starters for 2012 fantasy baseball, but you’re best to check the title to be sure.   If it is indeed the top 60 starters, then you’re in luck.  Only a few more top 20 rankings posts.  What is it, February?  March?  Why don’t I have an app for this?  Or do I want a hashtag?  App ‘n Hashtag would be a good name for a 50′s style diner with wifi.  As with the other rankings posts, tiers and my projections are mentioned.  Anyway, here’s the top 60 starters for 2012 fantasy baseball:

41. Michael Pineda – This tier started in the top 40 starters for 2012 fantasy baseball.  This tier ends at Wainwright.  I called this tier, “Might be fine, won’t be fine on my teams.”  I had already went over my Michael Pineda 2012 fantasy. That was before the trade to the Yankees when I was still eating some serious M-Pineda’s.  His projections then were 12-10/3.40/1.10/195.  I had him originally ranked 19th overall for all starters.  Now in The House They Built Across The Street From The House That Ruth Built, I’m slightly worried.  Much has been said about his Home/Away splits.  After the Montero/Pineda trade, some of it was said here.  He’s young so there’s plenty of time to see how well he adjusts.  For now, I’m going to let someone else take the chance on him.  What it really comes down to is it’s not very difficult to find solid starters, so there’s no reason to take unnecessary risk.  2012 Projections:  14-9/3.75/1.15/180

42. Adam Wainwright – The notes coming out of Spring Training can talk about how Wainwright did Tommy John surgery like Jon Stewart did Tucker Carlson.  Won’t matter to me.  I’m not going anywhere near him.  Someone would have to don a mustache and feathered hair wig and impersonate me in order for him to show up on any of my teams.  2012 Projections:  12-7/3.75/1.28/140 in 160 innings

43. Roy Oswalt -  UPDATE:  I wouldn’t draft Oswalt on any team now that he says he won’t play until midseason.  You can’t afford to roster a guy for more than half a season who you can’t even DL.  As of right now, it looks like Oswalt will sign with the Red Sox, which would make the most sense for both.  The Red Sox need a starter and Oswalt needs overalls and a tractor which the Red Sox would help pay for cause they need a starter.  See, both are happy.  Oswalt pitched well enough in the bandbox called Citizens Flank so I wouldn’t be worried about him in Fenway.  At this point in his career, he is who he is no matter where he plays.  2012 Projections:  14-10/3.65/1.22/140

44. Jhoulys Chacin – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Garcia.  I call this tier, “Guys that no one seems that excited about that I’ll draft.”  We’re solidly in the class of pitchers here that will probably be a solid number 3, which usually stands for the vomit you have while you’re crapping, but in this case it’s a fantasy pitcher that doesn’t compete for the Cy Young but can anchor your staff like a metal piercing.  As for Chacin, I think there’s an outside chance we get a number one starter out of him and I almost ranked him in the top 40 starter post.  What ended up having me rank him here instead is threefold.  First fold, his walks can be a bit obnoxious.  Two fold, his K-rate dropped last year.  Three fold, whoever heard of a three fold?  Do they have a threefold on your planet?  If Chacin can regain his K-rate and just reduce his walks by one per nine innings, you have yourself a top 20 starter.  All aboard!  Actually, all excited!  2012 Projections:  12-10/3.60/1.26/175

45. Trevor Cahill – When he went to the Diamondbacks, I said, “Even if his new ballpark is slightly more favorable for hitters, he’s got a solid sinker and he’s going to be facing the Giants, Padres and Dodgers, the Moe, Larry and Curly of lineups. I didn’t like Cahill at all the last two years, but I’m willing to reevaluate.  I’m not stubborn.  *through clenched teeth*  Fine, he looks draftable now!”  And that’s me quoting me!  2012 Projections: 12-10/3.60/1.35/160

46. Jaime Garcia – You want another thing this tier could be called?  Fantasy starters that should be around a 3.50 ERA, but aren’t going to strike out 200 guys.  After I said I didn’t like Wainwright or Carpenter, I was getting letters from the Vatican that I had something against Cardinals.  See, I like Jaime Garcia, so it’s not a Jew thing.  Though Dave Dinkins might think there’s some truth to the conspiracy since now I’m just liking a “Hymie.”  2012 Projections:  11-9/3.65/1.30/160

47. Neftali Feliz – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Holland.  I call this tier, “I have problems with Ranger starters.”  Arlington is basically the AL version of Coors and I’m not getting involved in that shizz.  Here’s what I said earlier in the offseason when it was announced Feliz would start, “His K-rate last year was a huge shambles or Suge Hambles if you roll with rap impresarios who are into spoonerisms.  I’m not sure how a closer could even have a K-rate of 7.80 with Feliz’s stuff.  I’m not just saying that to sound stupid, though it probably doesn’t hurt.  His fastball, curve and change were all the same velocity as previous years.  He added in a slider, but adding that shouldn’t have killed his shizz.  Hitters were just making good contact, or, at least, better contact and not getting as fooled.  His walks also went through the roof.  I mean, 30 walks and 54 Ks in 62 1/3 innings is terrible.  Who are you, Kevin Gregg?  But as we know from Dempster and C.J. Wilson’s transition to being a starter, Feliz is probably going to have the best year of his young career.  I’ll be on the outside looking in though, feels like too much risk to me.”  And that’s me quoting me!  2012 Projections:  10-6/3.55/1.20/95 in 120 innings

48. Colby Lewis – Last year he proved fresh off the bloat shouldn’t be restricted to Asians.  His K-rate and ground ball rate went down and his fly balls went up.  In Arlington, that’s basically standing on the balcony with coke on your nose, firing a machine gun at dozens of people who are firing back.  Ron Washington, “Must we mention coke?”  Lewis’s ERA ballooned to 4.40 and he was shot.  This year?  He’ll be slightly better, but I see no reason to stick my neck out for him.  He’s a pig that don’t fly straight.  2012 Projections:  14-11/4.00/1.20/180

49. Derek Holland – Holland is an interesting name in this tier.  Post All-Star break he had an ERA of 3.06 while pre-All-Star break was only 4.68.  Shows you that there’s some good Holland days and some bad Holland days, usually because of the whisking of the eggs.  I’m not convinced that he’s going to give you those post-All-Star break stats over the full year.  His September BABIP was .211, which helped give him a 2.20 ERA and bolster his 2nd half stats.  If he’s around late enough, I could see possibly gambling on him, but my pitchers I drafted before him will have to be less risky.  2012 Projections:  13-8/4.00/1.32/180

50. Justin Masterson – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Hellickson.  I call this tier, “They got lucky last year.  If you draft one this year, you’re pressing your luck and may get whammied.” Most of the guys in this tier are ranked below where I saw them in most mocks and other ‘pert rankings.  If you see one of these pitchers going lower than I have them ranked, then you might want to gamble on one but they are due for a regression.  To put that more succinctly, I’d try to avoid these guys.  To put that even more succinctly, try to avoid.  Even more succinctly, avoid.  Most succinctly, av–.  Masterson had a 6.58 K/9 last year with a 3.64 xFIP.  Not terrible marks.  He gets a lot of ground balls, which is good, but, if he has just a bit of bad luck with those, his ERA is going to look ugly.  Worth avoiding on that risk.  2012 Projections:  10-10/3.85/1.32/160

51. Tim Hudson -  For full disclosure purposes — or porpoises, if you live in the sea — Hudson was originally ranked with Oswalt, but news just came out recently that Hudson may miss all of April due to his offseason back surgery.  If Hudson were younger, I’d consider an earlier timetable that says he could be back mid-April, but there’s no reason to take on an older pitcher who’s already hurting.  2012 Projections:  11-9/3.65/1.18/120

52. Doug Fister – His walks… His BABIP… His men left on base… His homers allowed… His uncanny ability to sing Kyrie from memory whenever someone calls him Mr. Fister…. They are all too good to be true.  I don’t think Fister will be unusable, but I also don’t think he’ll be a top 40 starter as most ‘perts have him.  2012 Projections:  12-10/3.85/1.18/140

53. Ervin Santana – He improved his walk and K-rate last year, but also got a bit lucky with his BABIP.  He’s a tough one to call.  He’ll either be a 3.75 ERA guy with around 180 Ks and 15+ wins, or he’ll be a 4-something ERA that just frustrates you from start to start.  I think it’s going to be more of the latter, if latter means the 2nd one.  Last year he threw a lot of sliders — more than anyone in the league and that’s reason enough to let someone else look to Ervin for magic.  2012 Projections:  12-12/4.00/1.30/170

54. Jair Jurrjens – If you’ve read this site for a minute (which is actually a long time if you go by the urbandictionary definition), you know how I feel about Jar-Jar.  You are just as likely to get his 2010 stats (4.64 ERA) as you are getting his 2011 (2.96 ERA).  Actually, that’s not true.  The stats say you should get a 4-something ERA every time out.  If you’re feeling lucky, then play the lottery and then go wash that Jurrjens right outta your fantasy team crosshairs.  2012 Projections:  11-9/4.15/1.35/100

55. Clay Buchholz – For any full season (which is very rare for Buchholz), he’s yet to have an xFIP under 4.  <sarcastic>Yay.</sarcastic>  He’s yet to have a K-rate over 7.  <sarcastic>Yippee.</sarcastic>  His walk rate for his major league career is 3.72.  <sarcastic>Terrific.</sarcastic>  2012 Projections:  10-6/4.25/1.30/125

56. Jeremy Hellickson – I saw Hellickson ranked around 30-ish overall for starters at other sites so I feel like I’m comfortable telling you to ignore him this late.  For some reason if he’s still around when you get this low into your draft, ignore him further.  Don’t go near him.  I’m not saying this because I was accused in the comments at the top 10 for 2012 fantasy baseball of being a Rays fan after my ranking of Longoria.  When are people gonna figure out that I don’t care about teams only about players?  I’m excited about McCutchen and Alex Presley, I don’t care about the Pirates.  I loved me some Matt Kemp last year, hated Andre Ethier.  The examples go on and on.  Sorry about this totally unfunny rant, but nothing annoys me more than being called bias.  I take this non-paying job way too serious!  As for Hellickson, his K-rate was 5.57 last year.  That’s good…For underhanded softball.  His xFIP last year was 4.72.  Sidney Ponson called and said stop stealing his xFIP.  Hellickson was lucky to not have a 6-something ERA last year.  Do not draft.  2012 Projections:  10-9/4.30/1.25/130

57. Jonathan Sanchez – This is a new tier.  This tier goes into the top 80 starters for 2012 fantasy baseball.  I call this tier, “Holy crap, there were a lot of starters I didn’t like in this post.  Let’s see some names I like.  Please.”  Glad to be outta that last tier that is going to elicit so many comments of this variety, “Why rank Hellickson above Jonathan Sanchez if you’d draft Sanchez and not Hellickson?”  Jonathan Sanchez and other names in this tier are coming with a lot of risk.  I like them, but I’m not reaching for them until I see some other schmohawk draft Colby Lewis or Fister or Neftali or Hellickson et al (which is not the Israeli airline).  My projections for the players in this tier I like may even look better than some of the players above them, but there’s a lot of risk hurdles for these players to jump to get to those projections.  For instance, there’s a much better chance Hudson reaches his projections than Sanchez comes anywhere near his.  I like these pitchers, but they are flyers.  You should know there’s no guarantee with these guys.  They may be number two fantasy starters or they may be off your team by April 15th.  As for Sanchez, his nickname Filthy Sanchez is perfect for him.  It’s filthy as in good and filthy as in bad.  He can strike out double digit hitters in a game or he can give up 12 baserunners in 4 innings.  A lot of times he gives you both.  2012 Projections:  12-11/3.95/1.35/185

58. Vance Worley – I think his 2011, which was fantastic, is partly due to hitters not being familiar with him.  He had a 8+ K/9 and a 3.66 xFIP.  Alone those numbers say he was a hotter piece of ass than his mother, Jo Anne Worley, ever was.  I think, unfortunately, Worley is a candidate for a sophomore slump.  That’s my gut talking though (unless those noises are coming from further south on my body).  When the gut talks, you listen or you end up needing an antacid.  2012 Projections:  12-9/3.75/1.27/130

59. Mike Minor – I almost put Julio “The Sheik” Teheran here.  Who’s the Braves fifth starter?  Can we just draft “Braves fifth starter?”  Is that legal?  The heat is off Minor to be good and I will love him once again.  Last year I told you to draft him in every league, then when the Braves announced Beachy would be in the rotation instead, I told everyone to draft Beachy.  Minor?  He major.  Nothing wrong with the stuff.  If anything, he’s a year older (24) and can have a huge breakout.  Last year he threw over a 180 IP between the Braves and Triple-A, so if he pitches well, he might just throw 200 innings.  Yeah, there will be more mention of him this preseason.  2012 Projections:  10-8/3.65/1.28/170 (<–optimistic, but whatevs)

60. Wandy Rodriguez – He’s exactly the pitcher he was last year (3.49 ERA, 1.31 WHIP, 166 Ks), plus or minus .20 in ERA and 20 Ks.  He’s more or less overlooked because he’s on the Astros (shoot, people who work for the Astros overlook them) and he has little to no upside.  Will his numbers be better than Worley?  Prolly.  Would I draft Worley first?  Prolly.  There’s something to be said for upside.  If you’re not excited for your team in March, how excited will you be in June?  Look at February Grey getting philosophical!  I’m one upping Socrates.  I’m Mo’crates!  That might just be my rapper name too.  Yo, mo’ money, Mo’Crates!  Mo’ money, Mo’Crates!  Mo’ money, Mo’Crates!   I drink cream soda and I rock a toga!  King Minos got a powerful navy, and, yo, my beard and hair is wavy!  Try and read about me from Plato and your head will turn to mush… Nah, gravy!  Mo’ money, Mo’Crates!  2012 Projections:  10-10/3.65/1.30/170

The Brewers signed Aramis Ramirez to a deal worth between $34-37 million.  Wouldn’t you love to make so much money that there’s a gap of three million between what you might make?  “Hey, Aramis, you got a second?”  “I was just rolling up hundred dollar bills to make kindling.”  “Just wanted to see if you’ll take a deal for somewhere between $34-37 million.”  “There’s a three million dollar gap there.  That gap is more money than some people make in their lives.  Yeah, I guess I’ll take it.  If I make $37 million, I’ll be able to light more fires.”  I make between three and four dollars daily from Razzball.  I have a one dollar gap!  I want a three million dollar gap!  Inner monologue, “Breath, Grey, breath.”  Okay, sorry, my chakras need alignment.  So Aramis goes to the land of cheap beer and Laverne & Shirley on the heels of the Brewers about to lose their two best hitters — Prince Fielder and Craig Counsell.  Sorry, their two best non-cheating hitters.  Eh, the Cubs last year looked like they couldn’t hit soup if they fell out of a boat that was floating on top of a giant vat of soup, and Aramis hit just as well as he usually does.  At 34, he’s not going to be less injury-prone and there’s no way he’s ever hitting 30 homers again.  He is, however, a professional hitter when healthy.  (Don’t you love when I interrupt sentences with “however?”  Makes me sound so smart!  Even when “however” is interrupting a trite claim like someone’s a professional hitter.)  I’d give Aramis a line of 75/25/95/.295.  Anyway, here’s some other offseason moves for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Casey McGehee – Traded to the Pirates or as I like to call it, “Make room for Mat Gamel!”  The camera pans to Gamel for his reaction and he’s fumbling his drink.  What a klutz.  McGehee was always utility man-ish before his breakout in 2010, then he went right back to crizzap in 2011.  I’m not buying into McGehee in 2012 in Pittsburgh either.  Maybe he can go to the plate while the remix plays, “Blech and Yellow.”

Mat Gamel -  No one likes Mat Gamel.   The Brewers wanted to try Gamel in Spring Training last year and he was 30 pounds overweight.  Lay off the mayonnaise, doode.  His Triple-A manager said he’s “hard-headed.”  (No one ever said that of Justin Morneau.)  I get this feeling with a beat provided by will.i.am that Gamel is gonna go the way of Matt Murton.  I hope he doesn’t.  I hope he gets a real shot at 1st base in Spring Training.  I think now that McGehee is gone he will.  Even if all Gamel does is hit homers and make errors.  In 2007, Milwaukeeans called that The Braun Exacta.  I propose the Brewers correct Gamel’s defensive problems similar to how the Rockies went to the humidor.  They should put The Vacuum in Miller Park.  Whenever the visiting team is hitting, you turn The Vacuum to suck and watch as everything is hit to the left side.  The Vacuum sucks so Gamel doesn’t blow.  He had another great year at Triple-A — 28 homers, .310.  He looks like he’s more than ready with the bat.  Definitely will be someone I’ll look at late in drafts for my corner infidel spot.  Could get a cheap 25 homers and a .290 average.

Trevor Cahill – Heads to the Diamondbacks.  Even if his new ballpark is slightly more favorable for hitters, he’s got a solid sinker and he’s going to be facing the Giants, Padres and Dodgers, the Moe, Larry and Curly of lineups. I didn’t like Cahill at all the last two years, but I’m willing to reevaluate.  I’m not stubborn.  *through clenched teeth*  Fine, he looks draftable now!  Are you happy?  I’ll give him a line of 12-10/3.60/1.35/160.  It’s not exactly Lincecum numbers, but a solid fantasy number three.

Jarrod Parker – Went to the A’s.  Our prospect writer, Scott, recently said, “After missing 2010 to Tommy John surgery, Parker threw 131 innings with Mobile in 2011, plus one start with the big club.  With a plus slider and a plus change to compliment a fastball that touches 100, I’m surprised that Parker’s 2011 K% (20.4%) wasn’t more impressive.  Solid mechanics and ace-type stuff should help Parker get back on track and earn a starting role in 2012.  Or at least that’s what Joy Behar told me when she came to me in a dream.”  Hmm… Didn’t remember reading that last part before.  I agree with Scott about the K-rate and his arrival.  Both things also have me perplexed.  His K-rate is okay, but not great, yet everyone’s saying he’s going to be a number one and be in the A’s rotation this spring.  When everyone says something with such conviction about a prospect, but I’m not seeing it in the stats, the first thing I think is it’s all about the scouting reports.  With Parker, this holds true.  But I thought Billy Beane didn’t listen to scouts?  You lied to me Hollywood!  People who have watched Parker pitch extensively think he’s back even if the numbers don’t tell the same story.  The biggest concern right now for him is his health.  He’s even cut back on using his slider that was once a nasty pitch.  Nasty as in good, not nasty as in bad.  The positive news, and reason why I’ll be drafting him very late, Tommy John recipients usually take about a year and a half to get back to full strength, which is where Parker will be in 2012.  In that huge park in Oakland, I could see a line of 10-8/3.80/1.28/140 in 160 innings.  Unless the actor playing Scott Hatteberg and Royce Clayton sign on to coach Parker, then he can win the Cy Young, cure world famine and get Lindsay Lohan’s career back on track.  If Parker starts the year in the minors, then I’ll just look at him in keepers.

Tony Gwynn Jr. – Dodgers signed him to a two million dollar deal.  Dodgers are answering their offseason question marks emphatically with ellipses.

In the first installment of the grading process, we’ll look at the gold stars, the players that exceeded expectations.  As always, in the comments, feel free to beat your chest about who you were high on relative to the rest of fantasy baseball players!

Anibal Sanchez – I pegged Sanchez to be a sub-4.00 ERA guy with 170 Ks, and liked him over several guys (Happ, Holland, Niese, Hudson and Lackey) that were going well before him. I projected him to be the 52nd best starting pitcher, but with considerable upside. Well, Sanchez has eclipsed my K projection, has a 3.64 era and is the 49th SP. Not bad, eh?

Ian Kennedy – There isn’t anything more enjoyable than an ex-Yankee doing dirty things for another team…other than maybe a game winning bloop single off the best closer ever in game 7 of the World Series. I ranked Kennedy as the 43rd best starting pitcher, roughly 20 spots higher than most projections. I had him posting an ERA around 3.70 with 175+ Ks and liked him over: Niese, Garcia, Jurrjens, Jorge de la Rosa, Phil Hughes, and Brian Matusz. Well, Kennedy is currently the 10th best pitcher in fantasy with a dazzling 2.99 ERA and 182 Ks. For all kinds of reasons this one makes me happy.

Hunter Pence – I was all over Hunter Pence, touting him as the #11 outfielder going into the year with a .280+ average, 25 HRs and 15-20 SBs. While Pence has the under on homers and SBs, he has batted quite well: .312. Even though my projections were slightly off, he is the 11th best outfielder in the game, 10 spots better than where most had him.

Justin Upton – Obviously JUp’s talent makes it difficult to label him a “sleeper.” However I ranked him about 20 spots higher than consensus. I thought 2009 would be his floor for the next decade and that he would hit .285+ with 25 HRs and 18 steals. Well Upton, who I had at 20, is a top 12 player, and has put up a .294 average with 31 homers and 21 steals. I got him in a lot of leagues and I’m winning a lot of leagues.

JJ Hardy – I said Hardy would push 20 HRs and bat .270. Well, Hardy is pushing 30 HRs and batting .265. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Joe Mauer – I ranked Mauer as the top catcher, but had him 2+ rounds after most preseason analysts. I continue to think 2009 was the outlier of his career, given his BABIP and HR/FB rate that season. I said “Mauer is not a .360 hitter with 20 HRs. He is a .330-.340 hitter with 10 – 15 HRs – and that might be generous. Furthermore, it’s incredibly unlikely that he’ll be more than an 85 run scored or producer given he’ll play at least 20 games less than regulars.” I suggested waiting and drafting Mike Napoli over Mauer – Napoli has outpaced Mauer in every 5×5 category.

Trevor Cahill – Calling Cahill a potential bust was like looking outside the window, noticing it’s raining, and saying the ground will likely be wet later. I had him as the 111th pitcher when he was comfortably going among the top 100 players in drafts. Well, Cahill is currently the 936th ranked player. In fact, he has performed so badly, that players who didn’t pitch at all this year are ranked ahead of him. I had Cahill at 130 Ks and a 3.67 ERA. Well, he has 140 Ks and a 4.31 ERA. I wasn’t pessimistic enough!

Mark Teixeira – The preseason Teixeira hate was obviously based on nuances. I ranked him as the 27th best player while most people had him in the top 15 or so. I thought Teixeira would be a .280 hitter with 35 HRs, 100 runs and 120 RBIs. Well, Tex is the 48th ranked hitter, has 87 runs, 37 HRs, 104 RBIs and has continued his downward average trend. He sits at .245 now. I told you not to spend a top 15 pick on him!

Drew Stubbs – I have been a huge fan of Stubbs for an incredibly long time now. I thought a 20-50 season was possible, with the floor being 20-30. Well, Stubbs is the 80th ranked player to date with 15 HRs and 37 steals. Looks like I was a little high on the HRs but otherwise, I’m pretty comfortable calling this a success. Stubbs is going to come in around the 25th best outfielder. I had him 17th; general consensus had him at 42. I’m closer!

Bud Norris – I’ve always liked Bud Norris because he brings it. I had him as the 114th ranked pitcher compared to consensus around 317. I own Norris and clearly undersold him, projecting 180 Ks, a 4.30 ERA and a 1.45 WHIP. Well, he sits at 176 Ks with a tasty 3.77 ERA and 1.33 WHIP. There have been some ups and downs along the way, but no one is arguing with his results to date.

Jhoulys Chacin – At the beginning of the year, I said I wanted Chacin over Derek Holland, Kevin Slowey, Jonathan Niese, Jaime Garcia, Jair Jurrjens and Tim Hudson. I said he was a lock for 160 Ks, a 3.75 ERA and 1.30 WHIP. He has a 3.64 ERA, 1.28 WHIP and 142 Ks. I was right to tout him over Holland, Slowey (obviously), Niese, and Garcia, but not the hurlers from Atlanta. I’m very happy with Chacin though!

Seth Smith – I thought Smith would be a .280 hitter with 15-20 homers. In 2011, Smith has batted .282 with 15 HRs – not bad, remember always bet on black…jerseyed Rockies…or something to that effect.

Pedro Alvarez – While Alvarez was a consensus top 100 player and top 7 guy at 3b, I had him as the 21st 3b. Alvarez has been nothing short of a total bust. He is batting well below .200 and has just three HRs to his name. My advocacy for Aramis Ramirez over him makes me smile…and the whole world stops and stares for awhile.

Erick Aybar – I thought Aybar would be a very serviceable SB option, capable of stealing 20+ bags easy. Well, Aybar has batted .281 with 29 steals – not bad for a late round flier.

Danny Espinosa – In a perfect world, Espinosa was a 20+ HR guy with a .250 average and some steals. While the average hasn’t quite been there (he is hitting .236), he does have 21 HRs and 14 SBs. I’d be wary of him in the future – he just can’t seem to grasp what a strike is, but for now, 2011 was pretty nice.

Clay Buchholz – I didn’t predict doom and gloom for Buchholz, but I did say he had no business being in the draft day neighborhood of guys like Greinke, Scherzer, Haren, Billingsley and Marcum. I saw Buchholz landing squarely in the mid-3.00s for ERA with an unimpressive K-rate (maybe 7 per nine).  While he has been injured, Buchholz has an ERA in the mid-3.00 (3.48), and he has 6.53 K/9.

Aaron Harang – I can’t go a year without promoting Harang. Entering 2011, I saw him as a low 4.00 – 4.25 ERA candidate with 150 Ks or so. He is going to fall short in the K category (he has just 124), but his ERA (3.64) has been tasty.

Derek Holland – I called Holland a sneaky strike-out source who could have an ERA under 4.00. Well, he has a 3.92 ERA and 155 Ks. The Ks fall a little short of expectations, but otherwise, he was a damn good value pick!

Brandon McCarthy – I thought McCarthy could easily log 150 innings as the A’s fifth starter and post a sub-4.00 ERA. I didn’t think he’d wow you with the Ks, but as a late choice, he would pay big dividends. Well, McCarthy has a 3.26 ERA, 117 Ks and a 1.14 WHIP – I’d say he was well worth the price of admission.

Jordan Zimmerman – Before the season began, I wrote: I think you can expect a sub-4.00 ERA about 130 Ks and a WHIP in the 1.20 – 1.35 range for Zimmerman. Well Zimmerman has a 3.18 ERA, 124 Ks and a 1.15 WHIP.

Turns out Leo Nunez isn’t exactly who he said he was.  He’s been playing under an assumed name.  His real name is Juan Carlos Oviedo, he’s a Latin 29 and he’s pen pals with Keyser Söze.   He enjoys snorkeling through Atlantis, talking to his giant rabbit Harvey and hunting Sasquatch.  With the Marlins’ discovery of Leo the Lyin’, he was put on the restricted list.  One time I was put on a restricted list at a nightclub because I had a few too many tequila shots, danced with someone’s girlfriend, who I shouldn’t have, and bam! restricted list.  Now I can only hang outside the club and get handed flyers promoting other clubs that I don’t want to go to.  Though I can sneak back in that club occasionally.  Just need to feather my hair a little more bouncy.  I wonder if the same holds true for Nunez.  Show up in a pencil-thin mustache like Spike, Snoopy’s very un-PC Mexican brother, and pitch the ninth.  Either way, I feel for you, Nunez.  We are sympatico!  While the Marlins and Nunez try to come to terms with who he is, Steve Cishek and Edward Mujica will get saves.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Casper Wells – Shut down for the year because of his sinuses.  Same thing used to sideline Felix Unger.

CC Sabathia – Won’t pitch again in the regular season. The newest Biggest Loser started this week too.  Hmm… Coincidence?

Stephen Strasburg – Will pitch the last regular season game.  It’s not a home game and it would be on four days rest, so I’m not sure I understand it.  Maybe the Nats just really like having Livan as their ace and don’t know how else to make that happen.

Brad Peacock – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 2 Ks.  I’m starting to get pretty excited about this young pitcher.  His recent K-rate in the minors was a thing of beauty and walk rate wasn’t too shabby at all.  Wouldn’t be surprised to see the Nats let him start the year in the minors, but should be up fairly quickly.  Am I weird for getting excited about the 2012 baseball season already?

Kevin Gregg – Got the save yesterday because Johnson pitched the last three days.  Vegas should take odds on whether or not Kevin Gregg will have a closer job next year.  At the right odds, I say he will.  I wouldn’t put anything past some teams.  I mean, how much is Barry Zito owed?  Any the hoo!  Gregg’s not the closer right now, Johnson is.

Adam Jones – 2-for-4 with the slam & legs.  He’s been pretty terrible recently, so I was about to write how he’s really taken a dive after the All-Star Break, but turns out that was confirmation bias.  He hasn’t been good in September, but his post-All-Star Break numbers aren’t bad.

Phil Humber – 6 IP, 7 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Ozzie tweeted that Humber was leaving too much of his puta over the plate.

Jason Kipnis – Hit his 7th homer of the year yesterday and he’s hitting .333 over the last week.  Kipnis is locked in, like kishka in derma.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 25th homer.  Guess he wasn’t done for the year.  *dodging tomatoes*

Jeanmar Gomez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  He’s been excellent since August 30th.  He was on yesterday’s borderline starter post, so, yeah, grab him for his last start of the year.

Jemile Weeks – 3-for-3 with a homer, and 5 for his last 7.  As I tell my girlfriends, you have to ignore the sample size.

Trevor Cahill – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 K.  At 4.31 ERA, 1.40 WHIP and 11 wins on the year.  He had a pretty unremarkable season as I thought he would so you would think I’d be happy.  I am.  Schadenfreude!

Blake Beavan – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Yesterday, we were updating the website again.  (I know, sigh.  If anyone’s having a hard time seeing this post, tell me in the comments, but I imagine you won’t see it to tell me.  Double sigh.)  Anyway, I bring this up because I was tied up and wasn’t able to watch the Beavan/Swarzak, M’s vs. Twins match-up.  Maybe I’ll catch it on ESPN Classic.

Justin Smoak – 3-for-4, 1 RBI.  He was supposed to be out for the year, but as we know, supposing makes a supp out of sing… Wait, what?

Dustin Ackley – 2-for-4 with his 6th steal.  Some rookies know how to finish and not hurt their fingers.  Brett Lawrie, “Doode, that hurts.”

Ben Revere – 2-for-4, hitting everything like it’s a pancake and he’s Mrs. Butterworth.  Hey, it’s September, I’ve used a lot of my better metaphors.  Revere will be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, the last one of the year.  That’s sad.  I might need a hug.  Or I might need to bail October Grey out of jail so he can grab the reins.

Matt Kemp – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 36th homer.  Started strong, finishing strong.  Can we say lurve?

Eric Thames – 2-for-6 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  I’d say he’s gonna be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but that would be a lie.  I’m no liar.  Maybe a fibber from time to time.  Thames could be a Buy though, if you need power.

Allen Craig – 2-for-4 with his 9th homer.  Now has 3 homers in the last 5 games.  As if that wasn’t enough, he looks like the little kid from that Brooklyn Bridge show from a while back.

Matt Moore – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks.  Wow.  Wait, what?  Oh, wow.  In Yankee Stadium.  As in eleven eleven Ks?  Wow.   Sure, it was against the Yankees B lineup, but wow.  Since you’re gonna ask, I think he’ll start the year in the minors and be a June call-up.  Game changing in June of 2012?  After what I saw yesterday, yeah, I believe he can be.

Manny Ramirez – Said he will serve his suspension and play next year.  Manny has officially entered Charlie Sheen territory.  Next stop, Diane Sawyer interview, cryptic messages over Twitter and Ashton Kutcher playing in the Rays outfield.

Kevin Gregg was handed his 6th blown save yesterday.  He’s tizzerrible.  I won’t defend him.  Your honor, no questions at this time.  I just don’t see the Orioles bothering to switch things up.  They’re defeated.  Look into their eyes and you see the shadow of Cal Ripken Jr. weeping with his back to you.  His shoulders go up and down and his sniffling, that’s how you can tell he’s crying.  Boog Powell asked that his BBQ stand at Camden Yards replace the pork and beans with pork and tiny violins.  Maybe Jim Johnson will see saves, but I wouldn’t drink that Kool-Aid.  Maybe Mike Gonzalez finally reverts to the donkeycorn he once was.  Maybe Kevin Gregg gets new athletic eyewear that doesn’t make him look like a dork.  The O’s average about 4 save opportunities per month.  I’d hold one of them and that’s it, preferably Gregg, though that might be the wrong choice of words.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jordan Walden – Reports are saying he’s tired.  Well, then go take a nap.  Maybe he’s exhausted from carrying around two last names all year.  If the Angels need to work around his fatigue, they’ll probably go with Takahashi or Downs.  Order is a coin flip.  Or as Al Pacino would say, “No, your order is a coin flip!”

Justin Morneau – He’s officially pulling a Kotchman as he suffers from mild concussion symptoms.  It’s as if his brain is a chicken wing joint and it just goes up and down the Scoville scale.  If I were him, I’d dip my head in bleu cheese after batting practice.

Michael Pineda – The Mariners have decided to shut down the rookie after 3 more starts.  I can’t believe they’re giving up their chance at a winning season.  How are they going to win 24 of their next 28 while keeping their 2nd best pitcher on the bench?  Fun aside:  his anagram is Pinhead Malice, which would be an awesome rock group name.

Brett Cecil – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Seems like every year he just sets himself up to be a sleeper the following year.  It’s his special purpose.

Brett Lawrie – 1-for-4 with his 6th homer, a day after stealing two bags.  That sound you hear is fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) rubbing their hands together in anticipation of drafting Lawrie next year.

Jair Jurrjens – 6 IP, 6 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Wearing a ship captain’s hat, the Fangraphs Database yelled, “Regression, right ahead!”

Wade Miley – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  When he was first called up, I said I’d watch him for mixed leagues.  Well, I watched, and, well, whatevs.  I’m not risking my teams precious ratios on him unless I absolutely must gamble.

Stephen Strasburg – Will return next Tuesday, i.e., the day the Nationals become relevant again.  Livan Hernandez, “You know, I resent that.  Also, are you going to finish that lamb chop?”

Danny Espinosa – 1-for-3 with his 19th homer.  Has now hit in 6 straight games, which is a very optimistic way of saying he has one hit in each of his last 6 games.

Mike Morse – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs, 2 runs and his 23rd homer while he bats .318.  His BABIP is pretty high which makes me think next year when you have to draft him before the last rounds, he’s gonna disappoint.  As Shakira sang, BABIPs don’t lie.

Javier Vazquez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Was it too much to ask for him to do this in April before I dropped him from all my teams? I will now go step on the business end of a rake.

Mike Stanton – 3-for-4 with a slam & legs.  His dad reminds me of Jim Leyland.

Hanley Ramirez – Left his rehab start after his shoulder acted up.  It didn’t have the range for Hamlet.

Mike Trout – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and two homers as he beat up on the M’s and Mike Carp in what I’ll dub as The Fish Bowl.  Trout has homers now in his last two games.  The only problem is the Angels have played other games in that time while Trout’s sat on the bench.  With only two starts in the last week, it’s hard to fully get behind him.

Henry Sosa – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Did he splash water in his face after each inning a’la Sammy?  Or stick a needle in his ass?  This start comes after a 6 IP, 1 ER last time out.  Next time out could be 4 IP, 5 ER.  I would stay away.  Ixnay on the Enryhay.

Jose Altuve – 2-for-5 with a slam & legs.  He’s also hitting .313 in his 150 ABs so far. With his position eligibility, I’d definitely take the flyer if he’s out there.

Doug Fister – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Had a perfect game going into the 7th inning.  Jim Joyce, “Don’t look at me!”

Alfonso Soriano – 2-for-5, and now has homers in back-to-back games and 4 homers in the last week.  He’s not remotely exciting but he is currently hitting so there’s that.

Andre Ethier – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs with his 11th homer.  I’d say Colletti lit a fire under him but then he’d complain of a burned bum and wanna sit out on a block of ice.

Raul Ibanez – 3-for-5 with his 17th homer while being a total Gomer to Mayberry.

Ryan Howard – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 28th and 29th homers.  Would love to see a ten homer month of September from Howard.  Cust kayin’.

Tim Stauffer – 1 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  Wait, what?  Oh, God, no!  Wait, no, c’mon.  Really?  *sobs, shakes fist at the sky* Why?!  He’s lucky if all I do is drop him from all my teams.

Trevor Cahill – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Cahill always seemed to elicit the most feedback in the comments whenever I ragged on him.  “No, Grey, he deserves a parade and you’re gonna make the float out of your criticism!”  That’s except when he’s not pitching well.  Where did all the smarter than thou’s go?  Probably onto fantasy football.

Alejandro De Aza – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs with his 3rd homer.  His bag is, uh, stealing bags.  He’s also hitting over .350 in the last week.  Thankfully he’s yet to show up at a game dressed up like Adam Goldberg.  What was Lady Gaga doing at the VMAs?  Did I suddenly lose touch or was that a bad SNL sketch, like the ones at the end of the show, that just went on too long?  Or was she auditioning for a role in a Cassavetes movie?

Jason Motte – The newly-appointed-maybe closer worked the 8th inning while Salas got the save.  Yup.

Jack Hannahan – 3-for-4 and is now batting over .400 in the last week.  Where does he find the time between this and saving games for the Pirates?

Jeanmar Gomez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Could be a Cleveland streamer at any moment, i.e., stay away.  BTW, this was overhead in the clubhouse yesterday, “Jeanmar, may I ask if you’re Flemish?”  “Why do you ask?”  “Because saying your name makes me hock up phlegm.”

Matt LaPorta – Was demoted to Triple-A.  That’s right, LaPorta was shown the door.