This is the part of this story that is supposed to grab the reader. I don’t believe in all the handy hullabaloo. I will be too worried about doing it in a fashion that is in the form of an inverted W and having other people critique it and say I am an injury risk going forward.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hunter Pence has a patella tendon strain and won’t play until this weekend. Though, more likely, he’s not playing much more in the regular season. Don’t you love H2H leagues? What I don’t understand is how you can fantasy baseball, which is a shizzload more intensive than fantasy football, then leave the end of the season up to luck like it’s fantasy football. I enjoy my one or two H2H leagues, but only because I have ten roto leagues to offset the silly luck factor of H2H. You draft a great team, then your first 5 round picks are sitting out in the finals of H2H? Don’t tell me injuries happen in real baseball playoffs, so this simulates that. Real baseball is played over 162 games, not week to week on who has, say, the most Holds. So I like H2H, but don’t make as if its playoff system makes sense. As for Pence, find someone else to fill in p to the ronto. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Todd Helton – Unlikely to return this season with back issues. It’s probably because when he sits on his bottom, his back can go to the top of its slide. Helton Skelton!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Let’s all give Scott Sizemore a big “Welcome back.” Well… Let’s give him a medium-sized “Welcome back…” Screw it! Let’s give him a quick “Hey” and a head nod like you give to your sister’s boyfriend that you can’t stand. It’s not like he’s done all that much in his short time in the majors, but — and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but — who else are you rocking at your middle infidel spot? Sizemore was hitting in the minors (.408/.495/.605 and 2 homers in 92 PAs). It’s worth the flyer to see if he can translate minor league success to the majors. Who knows? Now that bin Laden’s listening to Gary Glitter’s Greatest Hits in hell, maybe Sizemore can get his bats through customs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David Freese – He’s gonna miss nine to twelve weeks. Or the same amount of time it takes to get a 4-year degree from the University of Phoenix.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Maybe the fuel you need to burn the desire deep in your belly to be a better ballplayer comes from a fresh start. Maybe you need people to tell you you can’t do something before you can do something. Maybe this is how Morgan Freeman really talks and not just in voiceovers.Please, blog, may I have some more?
As I’ve been saying for the last month, Neftali Feliz will be the closer and he doesn’t have syphilis. Now stop experimenting on him! Feliz shoots all the way back up to the top of the Donkeycorns and can/should/verb be the top closer in the game by the end of the season. This also means Matt Harrison will be a starter. And to that I say, “I enjoyed your work on Falcon Crest.” Matt Harrison shall be now known as the Lone Ranger, as in he’ll be the lone Ranger that no one drafts. Anyway, here’s some other fantasy baseball news:
Tommy Hunter – Suffered a groin strain. I know too well about those! Oh, wait, no I don’t. *blushes* Maybe they’ll put Neftali back in the rotation. I’m kidding! They’ll probably use Dave Bush. Um, yikes.Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know it’s September when I’m highlighting a guy that could possibly give you maybe one week of just slightly better-than-average stats. Enter stage left, Mark Ellis. Yesterday, he went 3-for-3 with his 4th homer on the season. Is there a meh emoticon? That’s Mark Ellis. He’s a big bottle of “Um, what the hey, I’ll grab Mark Ellis.” He is the guy on waivers that, even when hot, you don’t feel like the three clicks of the mouse to pick him up are worth it. I hear ya. I’m not exactly dropping superlatives on him like I’m Donald Trump describing anything. He’s now batting near .400 in September. Don’t make me tell you to grab him every day this week. Just get him now. He’s hot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jason LaRue – Due to multiple kicks to the face by Johnny Lawrence Cueto, LaRue’s retiring. Cueto obviously misunderstood when so many pitchers said they’d love to face LaRue.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last week’s ERA was 2.44. That’s 22 earned runs in 81 innings. The WHIP was 1.28. That’s 104 baserunners. Had 5 Wins and 58 Ks. (That’s minus Thursday’s Westbrook start because, well, it’s Thursday.) Not too shabby on the ERA considering the schmohawks I recommended last week. Obviously, I’m just as unlucky with Wins with these borderline starters as I am in my real leagues. This offseason September Grey is going to Hawaii to see if he can find the Tiki idol that is cursing his win karma and seeing if he can’t fix this problem. To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%. These streamers are in no particular order. Also, in the final month of the season, managers juggle their lineups more, so there’s no guarantee all of these guys are listed on the right day. Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:
Friday, September 17th
Nick Blackburn – As I keep recommending him, I’m probably pushing my luck — or my Bluckburn — but he gets the A’s and has an under 2.00 ERA in his last 31+ IP.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Manny Ramirez will miss at least three weeks with a significant strain of his calf. If he had four teats, he could be a cow. Manny’s been dealing with this calf problem since April. His “doctor” gave him some “fertility” medicine, but Selig and his “rules.” Now Manny has an aggravated calf and impotency. I hope you’re all happy. I’d DL Manny if I owned him. If you don’t have room, I’d just lose him. You guys will see each other again because you love Manny. Otherwise, I’m not sure why you owned him to begin with. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jonathan Broxton – 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Returned to the role of closer only to get taken out mid-inning because Don Mattingly inadvertently went to the mound twice. A mustachioed Mattingly would’ve never made that mistake.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last summer, something felt wrong for Edinson Volquez. He said it was his arm. Dusty gave him two after-dinner mints and said they were “reconstructive surgery,” then threw him for 160 pitches. Unfortunately, the mints didn’t take. Dusty blamed Edinson’s inability to believe. Neverthehoo! (I’m trying to get neverthehoo to stick, go with it.) Edinson went for Tommy John surgery, or as they call it in the Tommy John household, “my surgery.” Usual recovery time is longer than his current 11 month timetable, but all signs point to him returning in the next few weeks.Please, blog, may I have some more?