Let’s all give Scott Sizemore a big “Welcome back.” Well… Let’s give him a medium-sized “Welcome back…” Screw it! Let’s give him a quick “Hey” and a head nod like you give to your sister’s boyfriend that you can’t stand. It’s not like he’s done all that much in his short time in the majors, but — and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but — who else are you rocking at your middle infidel spot? Sizemore was hitting in the minors (.408/.495/.605 and 2 homers in 92 PAs). It’s worth the flyer to see if he can translate minor league success to the majors. Who knows? Now that bin Laden’s listening to Gary Glitter’s Greatest Hits in hell, maybe Sizemore can get his bats through customs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David Freese – He’s gonna miss nine to twelve weeks. Or the same amount of time it takes to get a 4-year degree from the University of Phoenix. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Manny Ramirez was involved in a trade. The drug trade! Many people move to Florida to retire. Manny just decided to do them in a slightly different order. Manny said of the sudden retirement, “I’m at ease. I’m now an officially retired baseball player. I’ll be going away on a trip to Spain with my old man.” First, he tests positive for estrogen, now he’s going to Spain with what sounds like a sugar daddy. Manny’s a kept man! The Rays suddenly have room for Desmond Jennings… Or Matt Joyce… Or Sam Fuld. We grabbed Desmond Jennings in one league where we had room for a flyer. Here’s some of what Grey said about Jennings in the preseason, “DJ is currently on the ones and twos for top ranked MLB prospects. He’s never had an OBP lower than .360 at any stop in the minor leagues, so I don’t think the bottom is going to fall out on that in 2011. If he’s getting on base, he’ll be stealing bases and scoring runs, whether he’s slotted leadoff or ninth. Is he much more than SAGNOF? Yes and no. He can be more than SAGNOF for 2011, but, worst comes to worst (or wurst comes to wurst, if you’re German), he’s going to steal bases. There’s the possibility of him getting 5-8 homers and he has the power for 12. If he reaches the top end of his ceiling, you’re looking at Carl Crawford. More likely, you’re going to open up this Crackerjack and get half a Carl Crawford. Say a Carlford. You ain’t got the Craw yet, kid!” And that’s us quoting Grey! In the short term, if the Rays go with Joyce, he has decent pop, but his average will be po’. Or poor if you’re a completist. Or poo, if you’re a middlist. Sam Fuld, who sounds like a cartoon character, can steal 25 bases this year with little power. Sounds okay, until you break that down to one steal a week and little else. Anyway, here’s what else we saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jered Weaver - 7 2/3 IP with 1 ER, 8 base runners, and 15 Ks. That’s a Weaver family record! Even more impressive is that he did this with Bobby Wilson as the catcher – if Jeff Mathis was the catcher, it would’ve been a no-hitter with 25 Ks. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I already put my feet on your coffee table while typing up my notes on the September call-up hitters and September call-up pitchers. Oh, and I didn’t use a coaster for my forty of Colt 45. Natch! Not too many surprises in the call-ups. The peasant Royals are dragging their feet on Mike Moustakas, not calling him up. What else is new? Carlos Carrasco was called up and got the start. Go Indians, it’s your birthday. I’ll get to Carrasco later on. I’ll fill in a Mad Libs blurb for Wilson Ramos’ call up. I’ll even go over J.P. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last week our borderline fantasy starters, I came away with an 3.95 ERA. Not too shabby considering two of those earned runs came from Ross Ohlendorf, who I warned you to only start in extreme circumstances, and Travis Wood got absolutely rocked for 7 earned runs. Without those two, the ERA was 2.90 in 62.1 IP. There were also 62 Ks with 6 Wins. To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%. These streamers are listed alphabetically. Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:
Friday, August 27th
Barry Enright – Hey, ya’ll! It’s Uncle Barry Enright. Hey, Uncle Barry, good luck in your game vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Pelfrey went from totally chic to totally geek in the matter of 4 starts. Last night, he dropped a 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER bomb and now he’s staring at nickels. Pardon the wavy lines as we jump in The Way Back Machine and see what I said in April, “His K-rate prior to 2010 was pretty poor. Even this year, it’s only a little above his career mark. His biggest adjustment so far seems to be his ability to avoid the homer ball and leave men on base. He can be usable as a 4th fantasy starter, especially in Metco.” And that’s me copying and pasting me! Nothing’s really changed other than he’s no longer leaving men on base, his homers have gone up (literally) and his lack of Ks are catching up to him. Hmm… Maybe some stuff has changed. He had a 1.98 ERA at Metco prior to last night, so that’s still a nice matchup start, but Pelfrey is no longer a must own. At 109 IP on the year and only 67 Ks, he’s a notch below Jon Garland in K-rate. I just popped a zit in the mirror and spelled out, “You can probably do better than Pelfrey.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – Supposed to return on Tuesday. I really want to believe this, but the Met doctors are a joke. Did they go to that med school Steve Guttenberg went in Bad Medicine? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andre Ethier had a June line of 9/3/12/.195… In 2008. June gloom? Perhaps. In 2009, he had a May as atrocious. So he can come out of this funk. In the last three years, Ethier has hit 30 points better in the 2nd half. Please, blog, may I have some more?
By the dawn’s early light, why are you unhealthy again, Jose Reyes?! Tough week for MIs. Rollins must be contagious. It’s the Middle Infieluenza Outbreak of Twenty-Ten. This is like in 1918 when Skeeter McGillicuddy sneezed and the Brooklyn Robins entire team was in the hospital for two weeks with the Robins forcing a team of jailbirds and hooligans onto the field in the heart of the pennant race. Or maybe that was a movie pitch I overheard in a Hollywood Starbucks. Neverthehoo! Right now, Reyes doesn’t sound too bad with only a stiff back and not an issue with his oblique, the mystery ailment that sidelines players and no one has any idea where in the body it is. Reyes said he could’ve even played last night. Excellent, now keep him away from any Met doctors that treated Beltran’s day-to-day thing last year that knocked him out for over a year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-4 as he hits third for the 2nd straight game. Yeah, it didn’t work for Reyes either. Rollins is now batting .270 after returning from the DL with a .341 average. Granted, that was only through 11 games, but they’re my small sample sizes and I’ll put them wherever I want. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Where do the starters exit the stadium when the game’s over because I’m a groupie for strikeout heavy pitchers, i.e., Grey’s high on a high K/9, i.e., ergo, henceforth, vis-a-vis, I’d own these starters. Why the hearts on the notebook, Grey? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hisanori Takahashi had a nearly identical line last night as his last start; 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. A) I’m chalking it up to his histrionic delivery. All of it. You baffle people who haven’t seen you when you throw the ball between your legs and shake your tukis afterwards. B) Did I just say tukis? Hey, I’m Eli Whiteside! C) He could continue to baffle people for a good couple of months. D) He plays in Metco. E) I can’t believe there was a D let alone an E. F) A long long way to run. G) He gets the Padres next. H) He’s in the NL on a team that can win some games. Why not own him? Seriously, grab him now. I) Am writing this. J) Buhner. K) There’s no K, there’s never a K. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – 2-for-4 and a home run. Thank you, Lord. Please, blog, may I have some more?
We are making a double switch today. Rudy is taking the husband slot which will probably bench him for a few years; Grey is taking the best man slot that will put him in the reliever role and I’ll be taking the cleanup spot for today. If I’m wearing a titanium sombrero after this, just remember Cinco De Mayo is closing in and I’m probably drunk. Please, blog, may I have some more?