First clue I’m human, when I overheard an old woman tell someone she showers while sitting on a stool, I shivered. Second clue, I used to wear Z. Cavariccis. First clue Justin Verlander is human was last night. He had the worst outing of his career with 2 2/3 IP and 8 ER. Verlander looked like Kate Upton, if Kate had Rosie O’Donnell’s head. Sorry, that’s a visual you won’t get out of your head for a long time. It’s like two girls, one shower stool. Can’t you just take a bath? Please tell me this isn’t old age…. Speaking of which (watch how I tie this loosely into fantasy baseball), Verlander is thirty years old and… Still lights out. This was one bad start, don’t panic. C’mere, let me massage your shoulders and… I just pick-pocketed you! You gotta be careful with that. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
A forearm injury to Todd Helton has reshuffled the Rockies lineup and has opened the door to more playing time for Eric Young Jr. Our friend EY2 could be the poster boy for SAGNOF and fantasy owners have the opportunity to cash in on his increase in playing time, even if it is only temporary. Grey told you to BUY him in this past week’s Buy/Sell. Let’s take a closer look at the Rockies outfielder and how his speed can help your squad for at least the next week or two.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scenario: Jim Leyland has been a part of a clinical trial to prove cigarettes cause mental illness. On off days, Leyland sits in a hotel room with a monkey and a scientist and they all smoke Camels. All three of them wear nothing but tighty-whiteys and they order out to Papa John’s, which always takes longer than anticipated because they have the pizza man put the pie in a mailbox, so no one knows where they are. After a few hours, Leyland is presented with a few different ink blotches that are clearly just innocuous butterflies. The monkey tries to correctly identify the ink blotches, but the scientist shushes the monkey and waits for Leyland. Inevitably, Leyland always says each ink blotch is Jose Valverde. Second scenario: The closer, who was ineffective last year, is given the closer job again because he’s the best arm in the bullpen. Okay, which scenario seems more likely to you? Agreed, Leyland has officially lost his crackers. “Okay, I know I put some Saltines down on the bench. Where are THEY?!” That’s Leyland after losing his crackers. Either way, Valverde will be joining the Tigers this week and Leyland says he’s the Tigers closer. “Are those cracker crumbs on your jersey, Don Kelly?!” When Leyland walks to the mound to change pitchers, he should just signal to the bullpen by twirling his finger by his ear — the universal sign for he’s crazy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2013 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2013 Rockies Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Bryan Kilpatrick from Purple Row.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Brewers called up shortstop, Jean Segura. Woohoo! Now, on various teams, I have Domonic Brown, Mike Olt, Straily, Starling Marte, Brett Jackson, Josh Vitters and some serious Short Eyes. I’m basically the creepy guy hanging around the playground in my Astrovan, blasting “Hey Nineteen” wearing candy jewelry like I’m Mr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ll start an article about Wilin Rosario by talking about Ramon Hernandez just to spite you. Here’s the amount of games Ramon has played by season since 2007: 106, 133, 81, 97, 91. Unlike Benjamin Button, Ramon has actually gotten older over those 5 years and will be 36 in May. So we are putting an aging catcher who can’t stay healthy behind the plate in Colorado and slapping an ADP tag of 259 on it? BTW, that’s ahead of catchers like Carlos Ruiz, A.J.Please, blog, may I have some more?
For those fantasy players who play in standard mixed leagues, the hot stove season is a time of excitement. These owners can just sit back and enjoy the player moves, secure in the knowledge that regardless of what happens there will not be a huge impact on gameplay.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hunter Pence has a patella tendon strain and won’t play until this weekend. Though, more likely, he’s not playing much more in the regular season. Don’t you love H2H leagues? What I don’t understand is how you can fantasy baseball, which is a shizzload more intensive than fantasy football, then leave the end of the season up to luck like it’s fantasy football. I enjoy my one or two H2H leagues, but only because I have ten roto leagues to offset the silly luck factor of H2H. You draft a great team, then your first 5 round picks are sitting out in the finals of H2H? Don’t tell me injuries happen in real baseball playoffs, so this simulates that. Real baseball is played over 162 games, not week to week on who has, say, the most Holds. So I like H2H, but don’t make as if its playoff system makes sense. As for Pence, find someone else to fill in p to the ronto. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Todd Helton – Unlikely to return this season with back issues. It’s probably because when he sits on his bottom, his back can go to the top of its slide. Helton Skelton!Please, blog, may I have some more?
If the name Casper Wells doesn’t get you excited, check your pulse. You probably still have one, otherwise I’m not sure how you’re reading this. Are you reading this from beyond the grave? Wow, nothing else to do in the afterlife but read about fantasy baseball? That’s awesome! In Triple-A last year, Casper Wells hit 21 homers and chucked in 7 steals. He’s never been much of an average hitter, hmm, that’s not exactly true. He’s a very average 5th outfielder for fantasy, but he doesn’t hit for much of an average. He fails to take a walk and strikes out a decent amount. Earlier this week, Casper hit the sheets out of the ball, homering in four straight games. That’s obviously the ceiling, but, for some pop (assuming you’re not from Minnesota), I’d grab Casper. BTW, Casper’s cheering section should boo. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Ramon Ramirez – What do you get when you mix a Horacio Ramirez (Hor-Ram) and an Asdrubal Cabrera (As-Cab)?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jonathan Broxton blew his first save because of an error and he’s out as closer. Hmph. The Dodgers’ GM Colletti said the Dodgers would turn to Padilla and Broxton with Kuo joining the mix when he returns at the end of the week. Hmph. Hmph. Mattingly then said last I checked Colletti doesn’t have a goatee and Broxton is still his closer, no committee. Hmph. Hmph. Hmph. Whatcha gonna do with all those hmphs? All those hmphs up in your trunk? Then Mattingly called Colletti a dwarf brain and shaved his goatee to reveal a cold sore. Got all that? Glad one of us does. I’d own Broxton and Kuo. Wouldn’t mess with this Padilla or this Padilla. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
James Loney – 4-for-4 with a steal. I almost wrote the other day how there’s no way Loney stays hitting .200, but then I grew bored and fell asleep… Snooze…
Phil Hughes – Underwent four hours of tests on his arm. Towards the end his arm just started answering C for everything.Please, blog, may I have some more?