Fantasy Baseball Advice

All the final 2011 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters are done. For those that skipped today’s title, this starts the top 20 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball.  This is NOT for 2012 (caps for those still wearing their Dolphin Tale 3-D glasses).  This is a recap.  Will these affect next year’s rankings?  Sure.  But not entirely.  To recapitulate, these rankings are from ESPN’s Player Rater.  It’s an objective third party to fairly gauge my preseason rankings.  Does this mean I think ESPN’s Player Rater is the Tootie and I’m the Natalie?  No, just an unbiased comparison.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Justin Verlander – Verlander was terrific yadda³.  I’d prefer to take his blurb to talk about how easily pitchers can go wrong, or fantasy teams, in general.  I had Kershaw, Hamels and Yovani as guys I wanted in the preseason.  They all finished in this top 20.  Unfortunately, I also had Liriano in a group of pitchers I wanted, and he was the one I ended up with in a bunch of leagues.  Pitching can be found later in drafts so this didn’t kill all my leagues, but it just shows you how easily a coin flip (Liriano or Kershaw) can turn a team’s fortunes.  Preseason Rank #12, 2011 Projections: 15-10/3.50/1.18/210, Final Numbers:  24-5/2.40/0.92/250

2. Clayton Kershaw – You know what’s nice about Clayton Kershaw?  Everything!  This article from 2010 always sticks in the back of my mind.  This is pretty unfair to point out.  We’ve all been wrong.  Shoot, I’m wrong more than I’m right.  I’m probably wrong just pointing this article out.  For those who don’t have ESPN Hindsighter, the piece was written almost two years ago.  (Yeah, I randomly remember shizz like this but forget where I parked my car.)  The author compares Kershaw to young pitchers over the last 30 years and how they get hurt or lose velocity.  He compares Kershaw to Kazmir and Ollie Perez.  Only there’s no mention that Kazmir and Perez had an entirely different flaw in their games.  They walked more than someone with a DUI in Los Angeles.  Also, he mentions Doc Gooden.  Only he doesn’t mention that Gooden had the world by the nuts until he decided to see if he could snort the foul lines.  What’s also omitted in that article is that Feller, Drysdale and Blyleven did pretty well at the ripe old age of 22.  Could Kershaw collapse because he has too many innings on his arm at a young age?  I suppose, but not because a few prodigies did and some other prodigies didn’t.  Preseason Rank #7, 2011 Projections: 14-8/3.00/1.15/220, Final Numbers: 21-5/2.28/0.98/248

3. Roy Halladay – The fact that Halladay ended up 3rd is more a testament to the two pitchers above him rather than an indictment on anything he did.  Preseason Rank #1, 2011 Projections: 19-7/2.75/1.06/205, Final Numbers:  19-6/2.35/1.04/220

4. Cliff Lee – This is more of an over-arching issue with my preseason projections and the end of the year numbers.  Pitchers were a lot better than I thought they’d be (or hitters were a lot worse).  Guys I really liked in the preseason such as Lee, I projected an ERA for them a hair under 3.00.  There were 16 pitchers with an ERA under 3.00.  And a bunch of them weren’t just a “hair” under 3.00.  It’s the Age of ERA-rius.  Preseason Rank #3, 2011 Projections: 16-6/2.95/1.05/190, Final Numbers:  17-8/2.40/1.03/238

5. Jered Weaver – On one of the last days of the season, I took my rusty scalpel to Jered Weaver for 2011.  I wrote it while remarking what a nice beaver you have.  Preseason Rank #10, 2011 Projections: 15-10/3.40/1.15/195, Final Numbers:  18-8/2.41/1.01/198

6. James Shields – This might be a bit shocking to some people, but Shields’s 2010 when he had a 5.18 ERA wasn’t really that different than his 2.82 ERA this year.  He gave up a few less homers, was lucky with BABIP and left more men on base.  He’s been a mid-3 ERA pitcher more or less for the last two years.  Preseason Rank #58, 2011 Projections: 12-8/3.95/1.30/170, Final Numbers:  16-12/2.82/1.04/225

7. Ian Kennedy – This is a bit of a continuation of what I said in the Verlander blurb about getting unlucky with my first starter.  In the preseason I said I wanted Kennedy, Bumgarner, Chacin, Cueto, Morrow, Edwin Jackson, Jonathan Sanchez or de la Rosa as my fourth starter.  Lots of hits there, but I could’ve ended up with the misses.  I didn’t though.  So luck does tend to even out.  Or not.  Your choice.  Preseason Rank #40, 2011 Projections: 11-10/3.75/1.25/180, Final Numbers:  21-4/2.88/1.09/198

8. Cole Hamels – My pitching projections weren’t great, but the guys I told you to draft weren’t bad.  I’ve pegged Hamels as a guy to go after for four (stutterer!) years now.  Next year, it’ll be the fifth.  Really nothing ever wrong with Hamels assuming his luck isn’t terrible.  Preseason Rank #14, 2011 Projections: 14-10/3.40/1.18/190, Final Numbers:  14-9/2.79/0.99/194

9. Dan Haren – “You got your head so far up your ass your mustache is also your eyebrows!  There’s no such thing as the Haren pre- and post-All Star break splits!”  That’s you.  This year:  2.61 ERA pre-All Star break; 3.89 ERA post-All Star break.  Um, okay.  Preseason Rank #20, 2011 Projections: 15-9/3.60/1.18/215, Final Numbers:  16-10/3.17/1.02/192

10. CC Sabathia – For a few years now, CC has worried me with his innings.  Yeah, he’s a workhorse, but this is the 2nd year in a row where his post-All Star break numbers have been less than stellar and in 2011 it was even more pronounced.  I.e., it’s pronounced:  tired.  Preseason Rank #5, 2011 Projections: 18-10/3.40/1.20/190, Final Numbers:  19-8/3.00/1.23/230

11. Josh Beckett – You can go ahead and read Shields’s blurb again, because it’s pretty much the same deal with Beckett.  Preseason Rank #29, 2011 Projections: 15-9/4.15/1.24/170, Final Numbers:  13-7/2.89/1.03/175

12. C.J. Wilson – A recurring theme in my stupid assitude is my inability to understand relievers turned starters.  Wilson didn’t feel the effects of 2010 on his arm, he actually got better.  I really have no clue.  Preseason Rank #49, 2011 Projections: 12-6/3.95/1.28/165, Final Numbers:  16-7/2.94/1.19/206

13. Matt Cain – As I continue to be the best ‘pert I can be, I’ve realized I should ignore certain stats for Cain.  Yes, I’m smarter now because I’ve chosen to be more ignorant.  You’re welcome.  Preseason Rank #23, 2011 Projections: 13-9/3.50/1.12/180, Final Numbers:  12-11/2.88/1.08/179

14. Ricky Romero – In the preseason, when I told you to draft Romero, here’s what I said, “Let’s count the ways we love Ricky Romero, shall we?  7 ways!  Okay, maybe I should count them out loud.  1) Will only be 26 years old.  2) Will be entering his third big league season, a time when pitchers tend to hit their stride.  3) His K-rate was 7 and half and can get better. 4) He cut his walks last year.  5) Golden rings.  6) Pitches in the AL East… Hmm… That’s not a positive.  7)  There was really only 4 reasons that I stretched out to 7.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #59, 2011 Projections: 13-6/3.65/1.30/180, Final Numbers:  15-11/2.92/1.14/178

15. Tim Lincecum – I was pretty concerned about Lincecum’s falling K-rate coming off his 2010 season…Yet, came closer to his projections than I did for most.  As always, it’s better to be wrong-right than right-right.  Preseason Rank #4, 2011 Projections: 15-10/3.20/1.18/225, Final Numbers:  13-14/2.74/1.21/220

16. Doug Fister – Easily the only pitcher that came completely out of nowhere.  Sure, I ranked Shields way lower than he ended up, but I told y0u to draft Shields.  Not only did I not mention Fister, but I wouldn’t have told you to even pick him up until around July.  Fister’s season wasn’t quite as pretty as it seemed, but his K-rate was respectable and his walks were low.  Fister, what a pisser!  (Though not Fister in the pisser.)  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 11-13/2.83/1.06/146

17. David Price – I ranked Price 17th and he ended up 17th.  Boo-ya!  Unfortunately, I also said to not draft him.  Again, it’s about being wrong-right.  Price had a great 2010, but he actually had a better 2011.  It’s a truism, or it’s supposed to be a truism, that pitchers really hit their stride in their 3rd year in the bigs.  That’s what 2011 was for Price.  The great sign going forward is he looks like he can continue for years to come, barring injury.  Preseason Rank #17, 2011 Projections: 14-10/3.60/1.22/185, Final Numbers:  12-13/3.49/1.14/218

18. Tim Hudson – No fair, he stole Roy Oswalt’s end of the year stats.  Preseason Rank #27, 2011 Projections: 14-10/3.75/1.20/130, Final Numbers:  16-10/3.22/1.14/158

19. Yovani Gallardo – As anyone knows that was around in the preseason, I was caca-cuckoo for Gallardo.  I wanted him on every team.  I pretty much nailed his projections too.  Yet, I feel like he let me down a bit.  Funny thing with this is when I really like a guy, I want them to beat my projections, not match them.  That’s kinda how I am in every facet of my life too.  Maybe I am just like my mother.  She’s never satisfied.  Preseason Rank #9, 2011 Projections: 16-9/3.30/1.24/220, Final Numbers:   17-10/3.52/1.22/207

20. Felix Hernandez – F-Her can get lumped in with Shields and Beckett.  He had pretty much the same season this year as he had in 2010 when he won the Cy Young.  Only this year, he won an extra game, his K-rate was better, his luck was worse and he gave up two extra homers.  As his spooner cousin Helix Fernandez would say, “Most people just saw a downward spiral year.  Not wanting to see how his xFIP was similar from 2010 to 2011.  Or they just went DNA.  You know, Did Not Address.”  Preseason Rank #2, 2011 Projections: 16-12/2.80/1.10/220, Final Numbers:  14-14/3.47/1.22/222

In the last installment of the grading process, we have to look at the bad – those guys I, Albert Lang, was totally wrong about. As always, in the comments, feel free to beat your chest about who you were high on relative to the rest of fantasy baseball players! Thanks for reading!

Joe Nathan – After doing some research and talking to some folks, I was pretty sure Nathan was healthy and undervalued. Well, that wasn’t the case. He stumbled out of the gates and has been bogged down by the suckitude of the rest of the Twins. His year would look better if the Twins were capable of doing anything, but 13 saves isn’t going to cut it. It’s the 31^st most at the position and less than Kevin Gregg, Javy Guerra, Frank Francisco and Matt Capps.

Madison Bumgarner– I don’t think I was more off on a player than Bumgarner. I had him as the 76^th best starting pitcher, while consensus had him around 37. I saw Bumgarner as an uninteresting 3.50 ERA pitcher with a WHIP around 1.25 and 130 Ks. I wasn’t totally off on the ERA (3.32) or WHIP (1.24), but man I didn’t think he’d pitch this many innings with this kind of K-rate. Bumgarner sits as the 30^th best SP in fantasy this season. Whoops!

Jair Jurrjens – Like Bumgarner, I was pretty far off on Jurrjens. I had Jurrjens as 99 among starting pitchers, consensus had him around 50. I had him pegged for a 3.90 ERA, 1.33 WHIP and 130 Ks. I was incredibly concerned about his durability. While I nailed his inability to rack up Ks for you (the Braves have shut him down and he has just 90 Ks), his ERA (2.96) and WHIP (1.22) more than make up for those shortcomings. In fact, Jurrjens is the 36^th best pitcher in fantasy this year.

Pablo Sandoval – I didn’t differ with consensus much on Sandoval, but enough to make it really matter. The “royal we” had Sandoval as the 12^th best 3b, I had him as 15. I said he was a .300 hitter (I was right there) but with moderate pop. His 23 HRs (while missing time with an injury) are the opposite of moderate. Sandoval is the 10^th best 3b this season.

Tim Hudson – I was way off on Tim Hudson. While he wasn’t loved in the community (39^th SP), I really hated on him (65^th SP). I pegged Hudson to finish with a 3.40 ERA, 1.23 WHIP, and 140 Ks. Well, Hudson is the 18^th best SP in 2011 with a 3.19 ERA, 1.13 WHIP and 150 Ks. He’s beaten my projections pretty well. He keeps going out there and converting balls in play to outs. Congrats!

Daisuke Matsuzaka – Man, that was a bad call.

Brian Roberts – I don’t know which sleeper call was more laughable, Brian Roberts or Dice-K. Probably Dice-K, because when I wrote the Roberts section he was, supposedly, technically, healthy. God, why wouldn’t the Orioles trade him two years ago?

Logan Morrison – I thought Morrison would be an 80 run threat with a decent average and some moderate pop. Well, the pop has been anything other than moderate (23 HRs in 462 ABs), however he has scored just 54 runs and batted a disappointing .247. He’s gotten on base and the power is a great sign going forward, but he didn’t do what I expected this year.

Bobby Abreu – I had Abreu as a .265-.270 hitter with a .360 OBP, 90 runs, 18-20 HRs and 23-25 SBs. He hit .253 with just 54 runs, eight HRs, but has 21 SBs and a .353 OBP. I’d like to call this one a push, but it isn’t. I was wrong; Abreu is in full on decline now. What a great career, but the lights have clearly gone out.

James McDonald – It should come as no surprise that I love James McDonald. I had him down for an ERA in the 3.00s, a WHIP around 1.30 and 180 Ks. Well, he has 142 Ks, a 4.21 ERA and a 1.49 WHIP. He has shown improvements, but that’s still a swing and a miss. That said, I did like him more than Carlos Carrasco, JA Happ, Mike Pelfrey, Randy Wells, Carl Pavano and Tim Stauffer. With the exception of Stauffer, I was dead on, making this just short of a clear push.

Brett Cecil – It just never came together for Brett Cecil the way I thought it could. I had him as the 62^nd best SP before the year, whereas he went largely unranked/undrafted by the masses. I saw an ERA somewhere between 3.85-4.15, 140 Ks and a WHIP in the 1.30-1.35 range. Well, the ERA (4.73) and WHIP (he’s at 1.33) are far from great. However, he never got the innings I thought he would and is sitting at just 87 Ks. I believe in him long-term, but he didn’t provide much value to teams in 2011.

Ike Davis – I personally blame the medical staff who work for the New York Metropolitans – but, then again, I know they haven’t been too successful lately. Moving forward, Mets players should have a Red Letter attached to their name.

Mike Aviles – I missed badly on Aviles. I ranked him as the 12^th best 2b and 9^th best SS. I believed he was capable of putting up a .290 average, 10-15 HRs and double digit steals. I must have been drunk when making that assessment.  Aviles is the 38^th best 2b, behind such standouts as Robert Andino, Brent Lilibridge and Aaron Miles. He fared a bit better against the shortstop pool, coming in at 30^th, although he is behind all glove, no-hit Brendan Ryan and Willie Bloomquist, who is all-nothing. He did have seven homers and 14 steals, but the .255 batting average and sporadic playing time made him worthless.

Jed Lowrie – It’s hard to say whether I was more incorrect about Lowrie or Aviles – it’s like comparing Bachman Turner Overdrive and Paul McCartney and Wings. I did couch my Lowrie prediction in a lot of qualifiers, but at the end of the day had him as a .274 hitter with 15 HRs and believed he was a likely top 25 player at the position. Sounds like a pretty flimsy projection. And yet, I still whiffed like Mark Reynolds does while batting/fielding. Lowrie, the 41^st ranked SS at the moment, is batting .252 and has tallied just six homers. He can’t stay healthy. I must repeat that to myself.

Daric Barton – Another horrible call. I truly believed Barton’s plate discipline would result in a cheap and easy 85 runs. I also saw him as similar to Gaby Sanchez from a few years ago, with double digit power + upside. It was clearly a deep league play, but I did advocate for Barton over James Loney. As for the tale of the tape: Barton has a .212 average, 27 runs and zero homers and has logged just 236 at bats. While Loney has sort of sucked, he’s been way better than that.

Aaron Hill – While I ranked him lower than where he was going in most drafts, I also thought Hill could bat .260 with 25 HRs and 70 runs/RBIs. The only thing that made his numbers approach my expectations was a trade to the desert. Hill currently sits at .246 with just eight homers. He does have 61 runs and 61 RBIs, so my 70/70 wasn’t too far off. But, yikes, 2009 was a long, long, long time ago.

Mitch Moreland – I thought Moreland would easily hit 20 HR and drive in 80 RBIs and that he could finish top 15 at 1b. Wow, was that wrong. Moreland has 16 HRs and never showed enough skills to get the PT required to reach 80 RBIs (he has just 51). He is not only outside the top 15 1bs, he isn’t even in the top 30.

Brandon Allen – Allen never got the playing time and he was really just a stab in the dark for me. Still, when he has gotten into games, he has done nothing. He has a .200 average and just six homers in 175 ABs.

Juan Miranda – The thought of Miranda having 20+ HR potential is laughable now. Fighting off Xavier Nady and Russell Branyan wasn’t even possible for the slugger who has sluggishly batted just .213 with seven homers in 174 ABs.

Ryan Hanigan, Josh Thole, A.J. Ellis – These guys never got the at bats to do anything. They were decent gambles, but hit just 11 HRs combined.

Mark Ellis, Sean Rodriguez, Eric Young Jr. – Ultimately they didn’t come close to anything resembling a sleeper. Thankfully, you couldn’t have spent much on them. Young did steal some bases, despite having a really hard time actually getting to first base – so there’s that!

Jose Lopez, David Freese – I thought both guys would be cheap enough to make any contributions worthwhile. Freese hasn’t played much because he has been hurt (typical), whereas Lopez hasn’t played much because he sucks (typical). Both have shown signs down the stretch, but were basically worthless throughout the year.

On September 7th, Kyle Farnsworth entered a 4-3 game like he had so many times before.  No one knows how many times because no one’s bothered to look, or at least no one I’ve come across.  This September game was played during the day in Tampa with the temperature listed as:  Indoors.  When the mercury first hit Indoors, many of the fans knew this day was going to be different than all but four previous Rays games.  Farnsworth blew the save.  Then on September 10th, with the temperature once again “Indoors” — eerie! — Farnsworth once again blew a save, but instead of blaming his stuff, he blamed his elbow.  It was a little tender like a battered piece of the unidentifiable parts of the chicken.  With Farnsworth out nursing his elbow, Peralta should see the majority of the saves, but it could be a committee.  I imagine Farnsworth is gonna be out a week maybe two, but I’d wait for official word before dropping him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Matt Moore – Rays are promoting their top pitching prospect.  In real baseball news, this is exciting.  In Double and Triple-A this year, he had a 1.92 ERA and 210 Ks in 155 innings.  That’s prettay, prettay good.  I’d like to see what kind of gas this guy is cooking with.  Eminem at a BBQ:  “Yo, Em, these burgers taste funny.”  Eminem, “I guess that’s why they call it propane.” In fantasy, Moore’s kinda whatever in redraft leagues.  He’ll get maybe one start, and the rest will be a relief role.  In keeper leagues, he should owned already and if he’s not, no time like the present.

James Shields – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks as Shhhields quiets the Sawx.

B.J. Upton – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs, 3 runs and his 20th homer.  That’s right!  You’re not the Secretaryman, you’re not the Administrativeassistantman, you’re the Bossman!  Now take charge!

Doug Fister – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Brilliant once again.  On a side note, with all the mentions of Fister recently our web traffic looking for anything but fantasy baseball has tripled.  Come looking for one thing, leave realizing you need to refine your search query.

Chase Utley – He passed a concussion test.  I wonder if he just kept choosing C.  The Phils will probably leave Utley on the sidelines for a while longer, unless the Mets and Braves win 17 of their next 5 games.

Stephen Strasburg – 3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He threw 56 pitches on Tuesday, but the Nats stretched him out yesterday with 57 pitches.  The Nats also said they won’t put Strasburg on a strict pitch count.  If I may read between the lines, that actually says, “Please buy tickets for the games Strasburg starts even if he may average only four innings.”

Ian Desmond – 3-for-5 with his 8th homer.  This after a 1-for-11 stretch, which sounds like me at YogaWorks.  I nailed the Downward Facing Dog and pulled up short on all other poses.

Tim Hudson – 6 IP, 6 ER.  All the good you did all year, Hudson, and this?  On the last day of my H2H playoffs?  I didn’t order a bitter pill to swallow.  Why would you serve that up?  BTW, it’s perfectly fitting that we lost a tiebreaker in our H2H playoffs this week because our opponent beat us 5-4 during the regular season.  To that I say, “Plouffe.”

Chipper Jones – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last week as he hits .348 over that span.  As long as the Braves continue to roll Glass Chipper out there in a giant bubble so he doesn’t get hurt, he has some value.

Jake Peavy – Shutdown for the season.  Backdate that to 2009.

Adam Jones – Sat out Saturday and Sunday with a sore ankle.  In the past month, he has 2 homers and 1 steal.  I’m guessing you can find something better on waivers.

Johan Santana – Mets announced that Johan wouldn’t rejoin the team this year (after saying he would return then saying he wouldn’t then saying he would then saying he wouldn’t then saying he would).  Thanks for the re-re-reconfirmation!

Bobby Parnell – On Friday, Terry Collins said Parnell might not be the closer.  Then on Saturday he said he was the closer.  The Mets say no while nodding their heads yes.

C.J. Wilson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks.  Nolan Ryan said Wilson’s start made him almost as happy as noogying Robin Ventura.

Adrian Beltre – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs, 2 runs and 2 homers yesterday, 3-for-5 and a homer on Saturday and now has a 16 game hitting streak.  If you add all that up it spells, well, nothing because numbers don’t add up to words.

Troy Tulowitzki – Missed Sunday’s game and will sit out on Tuesday with a sore hipowitzki.

Drew Pomeranz – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Solid start from the top prospect.  To start him here, you had to be crazy like the first wrestler who thought it was a good idea to cut his own forehead with a razor, but still.

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-4 with 3 steals.  Now has 21 steals in 142 ABs.  Imagine the Rockies ever gave him 600 ABs.  The sun could take that summer off causing of how brightly I’d be beaming.

Josh Collmenter – 4 IP, 6 ER vs. the Padres.  Is it me or do the Padres only hit at the least opportune time?

Edinson Volquez – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  That was 4 walks vs. 3 Ks.  Good to see Edinson doesn’t let coaching or minor league stints get in the way of him staying true to himself.

Lonnie Chisenhall – 2-for-5 yesterday and has 3 homers in the last five games.  In other words, Lonnie done gone going going gonnie.  Of course he was on my bench in a weekly league.  Don’t cry for me, Razzball reader.  Your tears will just make me feel worse.

Alejandro De Aza – 2-for-3, 2 runs and 2 steals.  Now has 4 homers and 8 steals in only 39 games played.  That’s better than, say, Adam Jones.  Cust kayin’.

Kevin Youkilis – Will play through a hernia.  That’s number 137th on a list of things I’d like to play through.  Right after a storm of frogs like in Magnolia and right before a large man standing just outside the batter’s box throwing a bucket of amniotic fluid on me.

Alex Rodriguez – Will sit out for 3-4 days since his thumb is too close to discomfort starring Jm J. Bullock.

Yovani Gallardo – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks.  Y to the Izz-O, V to the izz-A.  Fo’ sheezy my neezy bout time you looked like a number one arm so freezy.

Erick Aybar – 4-for-5 with a steal.  Now hitting near .350 in the month of September, but only one steal (which came yesterday).  It’s a’ight.

Mike Stanton – Was pulled from Friday’s game because he couldn’t run at full speed.  Jack McKeon said, after putting in his teeth, that Stanton could return on Monday.

Javier Vazquez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He was the only featured name in my borderline starters post for Sunday.  So far that post has been a bit hit or miss with a lot more hits than I would like.  Teach me to put any faith in John Lannan.

Anibal Sanchez – On Saturday, he threw his 2nd one-hitter of the season.  All 129 fans in attendance at the next Marlins game will receive opposite gender names with a notary on hand to make it official.

I said three days ago that Brian Wilson was probably headed for a DL stint.  And now he’s on the DL.  Confession:  I’m a time traveler!  And not for stocks or gambling Biff-style, I use my foresight for fantasy baseball.  To recap what I’ve been saying, I said three days ago that Brian Wilson– Wait, I should recap from a little further back.  Ramon Ramirez already has two saves, so that’s who I’d grab first.  Affeldt could get some saves, you just need to put up with his annoying duck.  Casilla may sneak into the picture, but I wouldn’t go deeper than one of these guys unless you’re very desperate.  Though remember closers can smell desperation and you’ll never get any saves like that.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the roundup, I just wanted to announce that this afternoon there will be announcement. So this is the announcement’s announcement.  The pre-nouncement?  If you’ve been around the last three Augusts for our announcements, then this shouldn’t come as that huge of announcement.  But act surprised anyway, would you please?  Anyway II, the roundup:

Jordan Lyles – Was sent to Triple-A.  Hope he gets one of their TourBooks.  They have so many great coupons!

Alex Rodriguez – 0-for-5 as he returned from the DL.  Bee tee dubya, he has 13 homers on the year.  Where does he get drafted next year? Fifth round?  Sixth?  Hasn’t been drafted that low since he started hanging out with his cousin.

Eduardo Nunez – 1-for-4 with a steal.  More importantly, he played even as A-Rod returned.  Though, I wouldn’t count on that continuing.  Jeter DH’d yesterday, but he won’t do that every day.

Curtis Granderson – 1-for-4 with a slam & legs.  Now has 35 homers and 24 steals.  Is he in the MVP conversation at all?

Derek Holland – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER as Holland gave his owners a Dutch oven.

Tyler Flowers – 2-for-3, 3 runs, has now hit in 6 of 7 games.  In one league where we lost Eli Whiteside (yeah, it’s a deep league; no, we didn’t get extra points for owning Whiteside because he sounds like herring), I added Flowers.

Ryan Braun – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI with his 25th and 26th steal.  He has no business stealing 26 bases, yet he goes out there and does just that for your fantasy team.  How sexy is he?  I want his swimsuit calendar.

Casey McGehee – 1-for-4 with his 9th homer.  Hasn’t really gotten hot all year, and I still wouldn’t say he is now, but he is hitting near .333 over the last week.  That’s McOkayhee.

Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I haven’t given Hudson much fanfare this year, so here goes.  With a 3.01 ERA and a 1.07 WHIP, he’s been my most reliable starter on multiple teams and wish I owned him on every team, which is saying something since his Ks are pretty yawnstipating.  Thank you, Tim, for letting me love a non-strikeout pitcher.  Though, if you could ramp up the Ks, you’d be really awesome.

Adam Lind – Out with a sore wrist.  Should be able to return on Tuesday.  Canada waits.

Luis Perez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks and 4 Ks.  Late-blooming southpaw that ran up against a good matchup yesterday vs. the A’s.  I wouldn’t look at him outside of deep AL-Only leagues.  Could get some Ks, will probably get mollywhopped.

Frank Francisco – Scratched with a sore shoulder.  Well, stop scratching it!  Francisco has actually been decent recently, but if the shoulder’s a problem, it won’t matter.  Since Rauch is off seeing a giraffe doctor, Casey Janssen or Shawn Camp would see saves.

Rafael Furcal – Tripped over a rope and sprained his thumb.  He should’ve stuck with hopscotch.

Yadier Molina – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers, three this weekend.  This had to be more than just the wind blowing out at Wrigley.  I’m guessing the entire Molina family, including Alfred, was sitting behind home plate blowing.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER.  Um, dubya tee eff?  Last week I joked that Cleveland should raise the mound a mile above sea level, but I joke when I don’t think there’s any reason to worry.  Now, I’m kinda troubled.   Or troubaldo.  If he gets beat badly his next time out by the peasant Royals, might be time to discard.

Jacoby Ellsbury – Sat out with a back bruise after being plunked.  Eric Plunk, “Someone owes me a nickel!”

Ryan Lavarnway – 2-for-4.  Playing DH (do you play it?) which has me concerned.  If he only DHs then only pinch hits when Papi returns, will Lavarnway lose his catcher eligibility going into next year?  Probably moot since the Sawx will most likely let him start 2012 in the minors.  Cust pondering.

Craig Kimbrel – Recorded his 39th save.  Has 101 Ks, 1.72 ERA and 1.01 WHIP.  Member how Tony Gwynn used to watch hours of pitcher videos while eating donuts?  I think Kimbrel watched hours of a young Mariano.

James Shields – 7 1/3 IP, 7 ER vs. the Mariners.  Huh?  I feel like the box score had a typo.

Brandon Belt – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer.  Great, wonderful, gronderful!  But he hasn’t been playing every day so you might need to platoon him in and out of your fantasy lineup for right now.

Casper Wells – 2-for-4 with his 10th homer.  As all of Casper’s fans boo.  BTW, on Saturday I went to this karaoke place and this one guy was awful so I stood near the stage and started booing him.  Loudly.  He got rattled and started messing up the words (worse), so I booed louder.  I got a kick out of it, but apparently he didn’t.  He threw down the mic, shouted “Oh, that’s it!” and charged after me.  Luckily (for me and my mustache), three bouncers got to him before he got to me.

Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Before this game, I told someone in our fantasy baseball forums that I wouldn’t start Pineda again until he pitched well.  Well (stutterer!), this was a decent start.

Nick Blackburn – Left the game with a forearm strain.  Maybe it was straining to be a fivearm.

Ben Revere – 1-for-4 with his 2nd game in a row with a steal.  SAGNOF!

James McDonald – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  McDonald was then replaced by Grilli.  I prefer the McGriddli.

Garrett Jones – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and a home run as he continues to stay hot with his 2nd homer in the last five games.

Joel Hanrahan – 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  Hanrahanananan is obviously strugglinginginging right now, but his season ERA is still at 1.76 so, ya know, don’t be ungrateful.

Carlos Quentin – Might end up on the DL with a sprained AC joint.  That sucks, humidity this time of the year is killer.

Peter Bourjos – 3-for-5 with his third homer of the weekend.  I’m telling you right now, there’s gonna be a sleeper post about him sometime in January and I’m gonna go cacacuckoo for him again next year.

Danny Espinosa – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer.  Corspinosa is alive!  He tends to be streaky so if he’s out there, I’d give him another chance if you’re hurting with your middle infidel.

Ian Desmond – 2-for-5 as he also homered yesterday.  It must’ve been Zombie Day in Nationals Park.

Seth Smith – 1-for-2 with a slam & legs.  If someone asked me what’s the bare minimum you should get from your fifth outfielder in a 12 team mixed league, I’d say look at The Lisper’s Nightmare’s stats.

Ivan Nova – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Honestly, I don’t trust him.  This start was vs. the Twins who have Plouffe, the guy who sounds like the noise a turd makes when it hits the toilet water, hitting second.  If you’re chasing wins, I could see going with Nova, but chasing wins is a losing proposition. (<–Turn of a phrase point!)

Roy Halladay – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Was lifted after a rain delay then Schwimer took over.  All I can say is thank God he’s no longer making movies.

Jimmy Rollins – Left the game with a groin injury.  Wouldn’t surprise me to see this be a DL stint since the Phils will just want everyone healthy for the playoffs.  As Jimmy gets older, maybe he should ease back a little to Strollins.

Ryan Madson – 2/3 IP, 6 ER on Friday.  Madson, the Phils already have one Bastardo in the bullpen.  Please.  Wasn’t used in a save situation on Sunday, which was then blown by Bastardo and followed by Lidge losing the game.  I think Madson will be fine, was just a big giant blip.

Matt Wieters – 6 for his last 12 and his 12th homer yesterday.  Pretty whatever season from him so far, but if he were to hit five homers in the last month plus, his season would still look a’ight with definite promise for next year.  He really needs a big last month though.  Either way, I’m still gonna go all in with him next year again, assuming he’s drafted late, which he should be at this rate.

Delmon Young – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer on the Tigers.  On the Twins, Delmon was happy, but on the Tigers Delmon’s all about business.

Bobby Parnell – Mets said Izzy will see some saves still, but then Izzy went out on Sunday and gave up one run and on Saturday he gave up 4 runs.  They say the 301st save is always the toughest.

SAT Question:  Albert Pujols is to a fractured forearm as Justin Morneau is to playing every day in 2011 and you can’t take him out of your lineup.  Only thing worse for Cardinal fans is if Don Denkinger announced Pujols’s fractured forearm while wearing a Wilson Betemit jersey.  We never get Pujols in any leagues.  I mean, never.  This year, we thought we’d go against common practice and pay for him in one league.  It’ll take away some money we have for the rest of our team, but at least we’ll have Pujols.  *standing in the pouring rain, shaking fist at the sky*  Come get some, Fantasy Overlord!  So, unfortunately, the slap on Albert’s forearm was harder than the law gave to Tony La Russa when he DUI’d and Pujols will be out for at least 6 weeks. (They’re saying 4-6 weeks, but that’s optimistic.)  Looks like Jon Jay, the Federalist, will get more time.  Well, why didn’t you say that?!  That makes everything better!  *sticks head in oven*  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

David Freese – Returns next week.  If he’s on waivers, now would be as good a time as any to pick him up.  Or now.  Or now.  Or…Well, you get the picture.

Adrian Gonzalez – Francona said A-Gone might play some outfield during interleague play.  A-Gon’s got the outfield range of a Johnny Damon throw.  The Red Sox are going to mitigate his poor range by giving him a really big glove.

Andrew Miller – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners (3 walks), 6 Ks.  I should do lines in Vegas– Whoa, Charlie Sheen!  This is a family show! Random Italicized Voice, I mean I should make betting lines for oddsmakers.  I totally would’ve called this Miller line.  He’s such a 5 to 6 inning pitcher with 3 to 4 earned runs and a lousy WHIP.  (BTW, Sawx vs. Padres in Fenway?  This is like S.D. Jones vs. Andre the Giant.)

Tim Hudson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks.  I was gonna write a post about interleague in regards to this, but I didn’t get a chance so here’s the short version.  When a team doesn’t see a pitcher often, the pitcher has the advantage.  An AL team loses a DH, advantage for the NL pitcher (and not just because Hudson pitchslapped Romero).  They still have the play the games, and, as Morton showed last night, a terrible performance is terrible no matter the circumstances.  Continued in the next blurb…

J.A. Happ – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER in Arlington.  Then you have an interleague matchup of a mediocre pitcher vs. a tough lineup in a hitters’ park and Happ happens.

Jose Bautista – 0-for-4, I know Bautista’s going to hit three bombs tonight because I’m about to write this, but in June — 1 homer and a .259 average.  Last year, only 4 homers in June and a .179 average.  Bautista did go back to the Smackdown in July.

Travis Wood – 7 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  After the first inning where he gave up 4 runs, he settled down and stopped letting Volquez call his pitches.

Ivan Nova – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He seems to have a great start then a terrible one.  Maybe Nova is a star that suddenly becomes much brighter than normal and then gradually returns to its original brightness.

Mariano Rivera – 1 IP, 0 ER.  Nothing to say here, but I was at my chiropractor yesterday — I’m so LA! (and I sit in front of my computer too much) — but I read a great article about cutters in Sports Illustrated from one or two weeks ago.  I’d seek it out.  Was about how so many pitchers are adopting the cutter.  Hey, look, it’s like we’re in a book club!

Charlie Morton – 2 IP, 6 ER.  He was walking between the raindrops for too long without getting wet.  It was a nice ride, but now I’d bench or lose him in most leagues.

Jake Arrieta – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks and a 4.50 ERA on the year.  Yet, he has 9 wins.  In other news, wins are stupid.

Juan Nicasio – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  The roofie as defined by the Razzball Glossary:  A rookie pitcher who fails to deliver on their tremendous K potential and, instead, abuses your trust and violates your ERA and WHIP.  Used in a sentence, “Doctor, last night Nicasio roofied me and now I’m peeing blood out of my rear.”

Carlos Santana – 3-for-4 with his 10th home run and third steal.  It’s a slam and legs, and it’s easy to digest.  The average is blehtastic at .237, but his OBP is fine and his BABIP shows he’s been a bit unlucky.  He’s still just a catcher, but his end of the year numbers are gonna look decent.

Jason Giambi – 1-for-4 with his 7th home run.  Giambi’s a decent interleague flyer if you’re in dire need for power in a deep league.  Short term play though.  BTW, I just totally spazzed myself out thinking about how Giambi’s having a better year than Morneau.  I will now walk into traffic wearing a burlap sack.

Orlando Hudson – 3-for-4 with his first homer.  I didn’t see it, but I’m guessing Pesky-fueled.  O, you, dog.

Chase Headley – 4-for-5, and hitting near .500 in the last week.  Wanna know why?  Because he wants to hug you.  No.  That’s not why.  Cause he’s away from Petco.  This year — .336 in away games.  .235 at home.  In 2010, same shizz, different year.

Starlin Castro – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd home run and 9th steal.  I’m a bit embarrassed to say this because I have Castro on a bunch of teams, but I thought he had more homers.  2 homers?  Really?   Really, Seth Myers?

Clayton Kershaw – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks.  I have a bit of a schoolgirl crush on him.  That is all.  (Unless he wants more.  I’m totally open for that.)

James Loney – 3-for-4 and 6 for his last 11.  Hitting over .290 for two straight months and– I’m sorry, I can’t get excited about him.

Ryan Braun – Missed yesterday’s game with a viral infection.  Oy, someone make the Hebrew Hammer some matzoh ball soup.

Jeff Niemann – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I’m going to sound like an obstinate broken record here.  But I don’t buy into Neimann at all.  At all.  At–

Evan Longoria – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 6th home run and is hitting .237.  So Pujols, Hanley, Wright, Longoria and Crawford are lured into The Octagon, who wants in first?

Leo Nunez – So spooked by strange noises in his hotel in Florida that he spent the weekend at his friend’s home.  Some meddling kids figured out it was Robb Nen draped in a bed sheet.

Hanley Ramirez – New (<–ironic! (if I am using the word ironic correctly) manager, Jack McKeon, benched Hanley in his first game.  The 80-year-old manager said, “In my day, bats were made out of particle board.  They weighed 5 times a player’s body weight and you had to put them together with wood screws.”  He continued, “Look, there’s no miracle elixir that can get us back into first…but McKendrick’s Revitalization Potion #7 never hurts!”