Neftali Feliz is now a starter. Or is he? Emphasis on the ‘or.’ Or is it on the ‘is?’ You’ll never know! Muahahahahaha… Yeah, I don’t think Feliz is going to be a starter. They got to the World Series the way things were, you change that? Ogando or O’Day or Oliver or… What’s with the O names? Here’s a sneak peek of a post title for the first game one of these schmohawks blows a game, “Rangers Say O’Shit.” Any the hoo! Washington has said he likes Feliz getting the final three outs. I think Washington gets what he wants, but I suppose anything’s possible. For that reason, I’m dropping Feliz down the closer ranks. The other big loser since the last closer look is Drew Storen. I think he should be the closer, but the Nats are hesitating about calling him the closer. If he secures the job, he’ll move back up the charts. For now, he has some risk. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
1. Mariano Rivera (Rafael Soriano, Joba Chamberlain) 2. Heath Bell (Luke Gregerson, Chad Qualls, Mike Adams) 3. Joakim Soria (Jeremy Jeffress, Robinson Tejeda) 4. Brian Wilson (Sergio Romo, Jeremy Affeldt, Santiago Casilla)
Donkeycorns
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
5. Carlos Marmol (Kerry Wood, Andrew Cashner) 6. Jonathan Papelbon (+1) (Daniel Bard, Bobby Jenks) 7. Jose Valverde (+2) (Joaquin Benoit, Ryan Perry) 8. Jonathan Broxton (Hong-Chih Kuo, Matt Guerrier, Kenley Jansen) 9. J.J. Putz (+4) (Sam Demel, Juan Gutierrez) 10. Francisco Rodriguez (Manny Acosta) 11. John Axford (+3) (Takashi Saito, Zach Braddock) 12. Huston Street (Matt Lindstrom, Rafael Betancourt) 13. Andrew Bailey (-2) (Brian Fuentes, Grant Balfour) 14.Chris Perez (+1) (Rafael Perez) 15. Matt Thornton (+6) (Chris Sale, Jesse Crain) 16. Craig Kimbrel (Jonny Venters, George Sherrill) 17. Brad Lidge (+1) (Ryan Madson, Jose Contreras, Danys Baez) 18. Neftali Feliz (-13) (Darren O’Day, Darren Oliver, Alexi Ogando, Mark Lowe) 19. Francisco Cordero (Aroldis Chapman, Nick Masset)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Kevin Gregg– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Brian Roberts in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
20.Joe Nathan (+5) (Matt Capps, Pat Neshek) 21. Ryan Franklin (+2) (Jason Motte, Kyle McClellan) 22. Joel Hanrahan (+2) (Evan Meek) 23. Fernando Rodney (+3) (Hisanori Takahashi, Kevin Jepsen, Scott Downs) 24. Frank Francisco (-2) (Octavio Dotel, Jon Rauch, Jason Frasor) 25. Leo Nunez (-5) (Clay Hensley, Edward Mujica) 26. Drew Storen (-9) (Tyler Clippard, Sean Burnett) 27. Brandon Lyon (Wilton Lopez, Jeff Fulchino) 28. Kevin Gregg (Koji Uehara, Mike Gonzalez) 29. Brandon League (David Aardsma) 30. Kyle Farnsworth (Jake McGee, J.P.Howell, Waitress of the Month at local Hooter’s)
Aw, sookie. Our first look at all the closers for the 2011 fantasy baseball season. That is a bird on your window and it’s singing Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah. I went over Kevin Gregg signing with the O’s when it happened and Putz to the Diamondbacks. I didn’t go over Frank2 signing with the Jays, but he’s the closer and that’s all I’m saying on that for now. I have bigger fish to fry in this intro, The Rays. (<–bad pun point!) I usually don’t have a problem deciding who I think will get saves on a team. I mean, I may be wrong, but I can decide. On the Rays, um, yeah, it’s a mess. Right now, I see people predicting Kyle Farnsworth, the Cuddle Boy extraordinaire. Some have Lovey’s son, J.P. Howell. Others have Jake McGee. So J.P. McFarnwell is closing for them? Yikes. Can’t they trade one of their 28 1st round draft picks for a closer? Here’s my best guess at how it breaks down. Farnsworth is thrust into the closer role does as he always does when he’s the closer, sucks. Then Howell gets the role that earned him 17 saves last year. I don’t think the Rays go to McGee because of inexperience. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
1. Mariano Rivera (Rafael Soriano, Joba Chamberlain) 2. Heath Bell (Luke Gregerson, Chad Qualls, Mike Adams) 3. Joakim Soria (Jeremy Jeffress, Robinson Tejeda) 4. Brian Wilson (Sergio Romo, Jeremy Affeldt, Santiago Casilla)
Donkeycorns
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
5. Carlos Marmol (Kerry Wood, Andrew Cashner) 6. Neftali Feliz (Darren O’Day, Darren Oliver, Alexi Ogando) 7. Jonathan Papelbon (Daniel Bard, Bobby Jenks) 8. Jonathan Broxton (Hong-Chih Kuo, Matt Guerrier, Kenley Jansen) 9. Jose Valverde (Joaquin Benoit, Ryan Perry) 10. Francisco Rodriguez (Manny Acosta) 11. Andrew Bailey (Brian Fuentes, Grant Balfour) 12. Huston Street (Matt Lindstrom, Rafael Betancourt) 13. J.J. Putz (Sam Demel, Juan Gutierrez) 14. John Axford (Takashi Saito, LaTroy Hawkins, Zach Braddock) 15.Chris Perez (Rafael Perez) 16. Craig Kimbrel (Jonny Venters, George Sherrill) 17. Drew Storen (Tyler Clippard, Sean Burnett) 18. Brad Lidge (Ryan Madson, Jose Contreras, Danys Baez) 19. Francisco Cordero (Aroldis Chapman, Nick Masset)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Kevin Gregg– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Brian Roberts in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
20.Leo Nunez (Clay Hensley, Edward Mujica) 21. Matt Thornton (Chris Sale, Jesse Crain) 22. Frank Francisco (Octavio Dotel, Jon Rauch, Jason Frasor) 23. Ryan Franklin (Jason Motte, Kyle McClellan) 24. Joel Hanrahan (Evan Meek) 25. Matt Capps (Joe Nathan, Pat Neshek) 26. Fernando Rodney (Hisanori Takahashi, Kevin Jepsen, Scott Downs) 27. Brandon Lyon (Wilton Lopez, Jeff Fulchino) 28. Kevin Gregg (Koji Uehara, Mike Gonzalez) 29. Brandon League (David Aardsma) 30. Kyle Farnsworth (J.P.Howell, Jake McGee)
The 2011 fantasy baseball rankings are just about in the bag, but first we look at the top 20 middle relievers for 2011 fantasy baseball. No, next we’re not going to do the Top 20 Guys Who Will Have The Most Balks. Chillax. The only people that seem to pay attention to middle relievers are those that play in a Holds league. That’s wrong, I tell ya. A great way to balance out your ratios is by carrying a few middle relievers on your staff. (BTW, Ron Jeremy can carry three middle relievers on his staff.) Say you had Scott Baker last year and he mistook your team’s ERA for his toilet, but you also had Daniel Bard. With just Baker, you had the 4.49 ERA dump to clean up. With Bard and his brand new toilet brush, you had a 3.71 ERA. If you also carried Matt Thornton, you had a combined 3.51 ERA. Not to mention, you had 11 vulture saves. Oh, and your WHIP went from Baker’s 1.34 to 1.20 and had an additional 157 Ks. Okay, school’s out, Alice Cooper. Now, with that said — yes, I pulled out the “with that said” — this middle men post is for 5×5 leagues where you want to handcuff your closer to potentially snag some saves and get good ratios. I projected Holds for these guys, but they are not the top 20 Holds guys. Anyway, here’s the top 20 middle relievers for 2011 fantasy baseball:
1. Aroldis Chapman – The Reds say Chapman is going to be in the bullpen. When Dusty figures out it’s a lot harder to ruin a young arm from the bullpen, Aroldis may be starting. Or maybe the Reds are hit with injuries. Chapman will probably stay in the bullpen or will be sent to the minors to get stretched out before he starts, which means there will be a mad scramble to grab him off waivers, where he shouldn’t be, because he’ll have value as a middle reliever. 2011 Projections: 7-2/2.75/1.10/90, 24 Holds, 3 Saves
2. Chris Sale – Because my heart’s telling me Matt Thornton will be the closer, Sale is on the middle reliever list. If Sale’s the closer, Thornton’s a quality middle man. Tomato-tomato said with a different emphasis. 2011 Projections: 3-3/4.25/1.28/60, 20 Holds, 10 Saves
3. Joe Nathan – He’s saying he’ll be ready for the start of the season. The Twins are saying he’ll be ready. So, of course, I’m going on the assumption he’s going to have a setback. Maybe it’s because I was led to believe the Easter Bunny was real until the age of 15, but I don’t trust adults. If Nathan’s good to go, he’ll move off of this list and right up the ranks of top closers. 2011 Projections: 2-1/3.00/1.15/40, 15 Holds, 10 Saves
4. Octavio Dotel – Before Frank2 signed with the Blue Jays, I was looking forward to owning Dotel in all of my leagues as a sneaky donkeycorn. Now he’s a solid middle man with a chance to take over the donkeycorn role. 2011 Projections: 3-5/3.70/1.30/80, 15 Holds, 10 Saves
5. Brandon League – Aardsma’s supposed to miss a few weeks of the season due to hip surgery. Justin Duchscherer called and said he wants his surgery back. League will work as the closer for at least the first month. Wouldn’t be surprised if this turns into one of those situations where League is the closer the whole year. As of right now, I’ll be conservative and say he won’t be. 2011 Projections: 2011 Projections: 4-4/4.25/1.28/60, 10 Holds, 12 Saves
6. Clay Hensley – I’ve heard rumors that Hensley will be the closer over Leo Nunez. A journeyman with one good season under his belt vs. a 27-year-old that should be the closer according to me. I’m going with the guy who should be the closer according to me. 2011 Projections: 3-3/4.25/1.28/60, 12 Holds, 10 Saves
7. Ryan Madson – On any other team, Madson would probably be in his third year of closing and about to sign a deal worth $15 million per year. But unless Scott Boras is reading this, no one cares. 2011 Projections: 3-3/3.25/1.28/60, 18 Holds, 7 Saves
8. Jason Motte – As I mentioned somewhere on the blog or in the comments or maybe I just mentioned it to my loofah while I was showering — I don’t know, I write a lot of words about fantasy baseball — I think Franklin loses the job to Motte at some point this year. Just my gut talking. Or maybe that’s gas. 2011 Projections: 4-3/3.15/1.16/60, 15 Holds, 7 Saves
9. Rafael Soriano – Conventional wisdom says Soriano is a middle man more than a handcuff, but I actually think by the time the season is over we’ll look back at Soriano and see him more as a handcuff. A small difference that I dragged out to a 34 word sentence, but a difference nevertheless. 2011 Projections: 6-2/3.00/1.12/65, 18 Holds, 5 Saves
10. Brian Fuentes – I’m not sure if Andrew Bailey breaks down in April, but I’d be shocked if he made it to the All-Star Break healthy. 2011 Projections: 2-3/3.65/1.18/45, 10 Holds, 10 Saves
11. Takashi Saito – Me looking at Saito’s player card, “Saito’s going to be 41 years old in February?!” Forget pitching, he should be selling skin cream. “Is that the Avon Lady?” Takashi Saito, “Um, land shark.” 2011 Projections: 4-2/3.00/1.12/60, 15 Holds, 3 Saves
12. Hong-Chih Kuo – I’m really hoping that Kuo is nothing more than a middle man this year, because I’m going all in on Broxton again. Good chance that whichever way the chips fall — Family Guy cutaway to Pablo Sandoval, “Are those potato chips falling?” — that Kuo will be worth owning with or without saves. 2011 Projections: 4-1/2.85/1.10/60, 17 Holds, 3 Saves
13. Daniel Bard – Should do fine in all of the middle man categories and may even get some saves if Papelbon is hurt krumping. 2011 Projections: 4-2/2.45/1.06/60, 15 Holds, 5 Saves
14. Koji Uehara – Some expect Koji to be the closer in The ‘More. I’d agree if the O’s didn’t just sign Gregg to a multi-year deal. As I sorta said when Gregg first signed the deal, Gregg will either be terrible and lose the job by May 1st or he’ll be terrible and keep the job all year while everyone’s calling for Koji or Gonzalez to take over. And that’s me paraphrasing me! 2011 Projections: 2-2/3.65/1.18/50, 12 Holds, 7 Saves
15. Mike Gonzalez – See Koji Uehara or 1/8th of an inch above. 2011 Projections: 2-3/3.35/1.24/75, 14 Holds, 3 Saves
16. Jonny Venters – I wouldn’t be surprised if Venters has the most Holds in 2011. As far as achievements go, that’s like being the tallest midget. Kimbrel and Venters will be fun to watch. Like Chumlee in a Smart car. 2011 Projections: 5-3/2.65/1.24/80, 18 Holds
17. Luke Gregerson – Was the number one Holds guy last year, but the number one Holds guy has never repeated in back-to-back seasons*. (*That could be false since I only went back to 2008, but usually these Holds guys come out of nowhere.) 2011 Projections: 1-3/3.05/1.10/80, 16 Holds
18. Hisanori Takahashi – Some thought the Sciosciapath would put Takahashi in as the closer. I’m guessing Rodney is instilled in that role. And once someone is anointed closer, i.e., once Scioscia makes up his mind on someone, it usually stays that way. 2011 Projections: 7-4/3.85/1.32/90, 12 Holds
19. Joaquin Benoit – If I had to choose one guy that will bust badly from this list, I’d pick Benoit. Going into last year, his ERA was in the high 4′s in close to 600 major league innings and he’s 33 years old. His K-rate is purty though. 2011 Projections: 4-2/3.45/1.12/65, 17 Holds
20. Evan Meek – On one hand, I’m not worried about Hanrahanananan. On the other hand, it wouldn’t shock me to see Meek get some closing opportunities. On my other, lesser known mannequin hand that I use to hold my mittens, Meek’s worth owning just as a middle reliever. 2011 Projections: 4-5/3.30/1.28/65, 10 Holds, 5 Saves
In September, closers either mean everything or they mean nothing. You either really need closers to catch the next nearest guy in saves or you have too much ground to make up and you’re secure in your standings. If you fall into the former category, I’d grab anyone I could to get saves. Hello, Juan Gutierrez, would you like to dance? If you fall into the latter category, you can either start dropping brain freezes – Joel Hanarahananananan, we had a terrible time together and now I will drop you. Goodbye. – or just bench your lower tier closers to avoid getting Kazaam’d. I’d only drop a closer if I knew no one could catch me in saves or if it were strategic. For instance, I’ve been known to drop a closer because I know the guy with the high waiver claim can get him and catch the guy in front of him in saves, which will help me in the overall standings. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
1. Mariano Rivera (Kerry Wood, David Robertson, Joba Chamberlain) 2. Heath Bell (+1) (Mike Adams, Luke Gregerson) 3. Billy Wagner (+1) (Takashi Saito, Jonny Venters) 4. Rafael Soriano (+5) (Dan Wheeler, Joaquin Benoit)
Donkeycorns
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
5. Carlos Marmol (-3) (Sean Marshall, Andrew Cashner) 6. Joakim Soria (+2) (Blake Wood, Dusty Hughes) 7. Brian Wilson (+3) (Sergio Romo, Jeremy Affeldt) 8. Jonathan Papelbon (+4) (Daniel Bard) 9. Neftali Feliz (+4) (Darren O’Day, Darren Oliver) 10. Jose Valverde (-2) (Ryan Perry, Phil Coke) 11. Ryan Franklin (Kyle McClellan, Jason Motte) 12. Chris Perez (+6) (Rafael Perez) 13. Francisco Cordero (+1) (Arthur Rhodes, Nick Masset) 14.Andrew Bailey (+16) (Michael Wuertz, Craig Breslow) 15. Matt Capps (Brian Fuentes, Jon Rauch) 16. Kevin Gregg (+7) (Jason Frasor, Scott Downs) 17. Brad Lidge (+4) (Ryan Madson, Jose Contreras)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Bobby Jenks– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Konerko in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
18. Huston Street (+5) (Matt Belisle, Rafael Betancourt) 19. David Aardsma (-1) (Brandon League) 20. Fernando Rodney (-3) (Kevin Jepsen) 21. Drew Storen (+5) (Tyler Clippard, Sean Burnett, Miguel Batista) 22. Bobby Jenks (Scott Linebrink, J.J. Putz, Matt Thornton) 23. Hong-Chih Kuo (-18) (Jonathan Broxton, Octavio Dotel) 24. Brandon Lyon (-5) (Wilton Lopez, Matt Lindstrom) 25. Leo Nunez (-10) (Clay Hensley, Jose Veras, Brian Sanches) 26.Hisanori Takahashi (-20) (Bobby Parnell, Pedro Feliciano) 27. John Axford/Trevor Hoffman (-2) (Zach Braddock) 28. Joel Hanrahan (-1) (Evan Meek, Sean Gallagher) 29. Koji Uehara (-1) (Mike Gonzalez, Alfredo Simon) 30. Juan Gutierrez/Aaron Heilman (-1) (Sam Demel, A pitching machine disguised with a handlebar mustache)
Brandon Morrow lost the no-hitter but pitched as well as any pitcher this year. 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 2 Walks and 17 Ks. Though not everyone was impressed. When reached for comment after the game, Adam Lind said, “If you gave me 27 outs, I could strike out 17 times.” Did Morrow go near-no-no vs. the Rays on sheer will or does he have this pedigree? Is he Edwin Jackson no-no or is he Garza no-no? I’d put him in the 2nd phat camp. The only thing holding Morrow back from ace territory is the walks. At 26, there’s time to fix that. Potatoes to chips, he’s only 26 years old and he LEADS (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) the major leagues for starters in K-rate. You think I’m gonna be excited about drafting him next year? Rhetorical! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Vernon Wells – Day-to-day with a dislocated toe. I’ve dislocated my car keys before and sometimes I’ll dislocate one sock from a pair, but to dislocate a toe is pretty scary.
J.P. Arencibia – 4-for-5 with 2 homers in his first game. Maybe we can fix Mr. Arencibia up with Momma Molina and get ourselves some more Arencibias.
Jonathan Sanchez – 4 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. I like when he’s Filthy Sanchez; I want to strangle someone when he’s Sloppy Sanchez.
Omar Infante – 1-for-4 with a home run. His fantasy value is infantesimal, but he does lead the majors in average the last 30 days.
Takashi Saito – Got the save because Billy Wagner worked the last three days. In that way Wagner’s like my car, it’s good for about three days then I have to go to my mechanic.
Kevin Slowey – His sore elbow is causing his next start to get pushed back a few days. Figures it happens just when he started pitching well. Why don’t you just take my pea puree while you’re at it?
Matt LaPorta – 3-for-4 and his second homer in 3 games. We’ve had a few false starts from LaPorta this year where it looked like he was about to get hot. Might finally be there now. And that’s me lukewarmly recommending LaPorta!
Chris Carter – Was called up yesterday. With Daric Barton nursing shoulder spasms, Carter will see the bulk of the time at 1st base. Carter was #9 on the top 50 prospects for fantasy baseball. Hit 27 homers with a .262 average in Triple-A this year while driving in 89 RBIs. He can be Ryan Howard in a year or two. If Morrow didn’t pitch the game of the season, Carter would’ve been your lead for today’s roundup. He’s a must grab in keepers and AL-Only leagues, though I imagine he’s gone already. In mixed leagues, I’d grab him if I needed help at my corner infidel spot. I expect he’ll give you what Stanton’s been giving you minus the steals (power, low average), but there’s upside for more.
Andrew Bailey – Will need at least another week. Oh, and Wuertz got another save yesterday.
Angel Pagan – 2-for-4 with two steals to bring his total to 26. Nice that at least someone is stealing on the Mets. Reyes, my sarcasm is directed towards you. If you’re not Jose Reyes you can skip ahead, this is for him. Not sure what’s going on, but you look so tentative on the base paths. You wait until the 4th or 5th pitch of ABs to steal and, by point, the hitter is either striking out or fouling the ball off. Run on the first pitch! Now let’s do our 17 step handshake.
Raul Ibanez – 1-for-4 and a 15 game hitting streak with 4 homers. I-BON-yes.
Rick Porcello – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. For the person who is going to ask, no, I still don’t like Porcello. I promise December Grey will reevaluate.
Jack Wilson – Fractured his right hand in a slip in the bathroom as he put the oofa in loofah.
Trevor Hoffman – Took longer than I thought it would, but the Brewers are finally saying Hoffman and Axford will share closing duties. If you’re an Axford owner, hope it doesn’t take Hoffman as many opportunities for his 600th as it took A-Rod.
Jeremy Hellickson – Wade Davis and Jeff Niemann are both experiencing shoulder tightness and Hellickson is being held out of his Triple-A start on Tuesday in case the Rays need him. I’d grab Hellickson now because I doubt both pitchers will be pushed with shoulder issues.
Carlos Gonzalez – 4-for-5, 2 Runs, 3 RBIs with his 25th homer and 18th steal. CarGo’s the King of the Slam & Legs. I think he’s officially moving into overrated territory for 2011.
Pedro Alvarez – On Saturday, he hit his third homer in the last five games. He now has 10 homers in 167 ABs. Since the royal we are on the topic of 2011, I think I know who I’m ending up with next year when I punt 3rd base.
Alfredo Simon – Got the save as he gave up two runs. Buck Showalter, if this is the stamp you’re putting on the O’s, it’s making you look Sally Draper crazy.
Felix Pie – 1-for-4 with a homer. This week he also has 2 steals while hitting near-.350. Could be a source of light power and light speed. He’s like a poor man’s Big FraGu.
Jason Vargas – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks and has a 3.12 ERA on the year. His K:BB and K-rate is far from inspiring but he gets the Indians next time out. Seems like a decent H2H gamble (no relation to Rudy).
Chone Figgins – 2-for-3 with his 3rd steal this week. Holy douchetards, Figgy is finally hitting (over .450 in the last week).
Everth Cabrera – 3-for-4, when I saw he had three hits, I immediately thought to myself, has he done that yet this year? He had. On the 2nd day of the season. Ah fanabla…
Jerry Hairston Jr. – 3-for-4, 4 Runs and his 2nd homer in as many games. Jerry Hairston Sr. who?! Huh?! I don’t picture Jr. going on some kind of homer barrage, but he’s shortstop eligible, so there’s that.
Mat Latos – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. The Padres haven’t let him throw more than a 100 pitches in a month. Cust kayin’.
Chris Coghlan – Done for the year with surgery to repair the injury that he sustained while smashing a cream pie in Wes Helms’ face. Coghlan vowed that next time he will just squeeze his lapel flower and squirt Helms with water.
Leo Nunez – Edwin Rodriguez, the Marlins manager, said that if Nunez doesn’t cut out blowing saves, he’s turning to a closer by committee. When Edwin said it, he made the Full House ‘cut it out’ hand motion. I grabbed Clay Hensley. Afterwards, I thought to myself, did I really just pick up Clay Hensley?
Gordon Beckham – Out with a sore groin. Ozzie said, “I don’t think it’s that bad. I don’t know if he was diving for the ball, or it was just a tight groin. We’ll go by ears how he feels.” I think Ozzie’s confusing seashells with groins.
Angel Sanchez – Hitting .500 over the last week. When I was looking at hitters to pickup for today’s short schedule, I looked at Angel Sanchez for a long time, but I got William Shatner finger and I….just…couldn’t….pick…him…up.
