I am admittedly a massive fan of The Beautiful Game, the game that they call football in most of the world, albeit not in the USA. Baseball is certainly a beautiful game, but soccer finds a way to place that “the” in front of it kind of like that Buckeye school in Columbus, Ohio. Naturally, as a soccer fan, I’ve been following the Copa America Centenario closely, and was glad to see the USMNT win handily on Tuesday night to keep hopes alive. Now, I will pick a DraftKings lineup to help you out and in the process assign each and every player in the lineup his position for the moment when MLB decides that for their all star game, their all stars will play soccer instead of baseball. You gotta remember, Manfred is progressive.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday June 13th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You flip through your cassette singles.  You pop in James Ingram’s Just Once cassette single, but decide that’s better to play right after taking the love of your life for an abortion.  You then pop in the In Your Eyes cassette single, but it feels too Say Anything.  You then pop in the Always & Forever single you played on the way to prom, and it…feels right.  You take your boombox and place it on your shoulder, Luther Vandross plays obnoxiously loud if Vandross could ever be obnoxious, but you decide he can’t be.  The song gets to the end and you flip it over to play the Always & Forever house remix.  Yet, this whole time, Matt Harvey‘s Buy Low Window stays shut.  You wonder why it won’t open again, and sigh.  It’s now shut because yesterday Matt Harvey went 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA down to 5.37.  Looks like the slider returned with his velocity.  Last week I said I didn’t think his problems were unfixable, yesterday he showed they weren’t.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Ahhh, nothing quite like receiving the honor of writing the Friday night roundup. I imagine its quite similar to receiving the Medal of Honor, the Purple Heart, or maybe a Nobel Peace Prize. It certainly feels a heckuva lot better than the pride of Julio Urias‘ owners on this fine Saturday. Yeah, Urias was a real spark plug for Dodger nation last night..Sorry, did I say spark plug? I meant butt plug. They were hoping for Justin Timberlake, but instead received JC Chavez. We all expected Christian Bale, but the performance was more Christian Slater. 2.3 innings pitched with three earned and four walks sounds more like Jorge De La Rosa than Jose Fernandez. With that being said, I’m not concerned with the outing whatsoever. That’s also possibly because I don’t own him anywhere, and don’t really care either way. Best of luck to you all though, my goodmen!

Anyway, here’s what else I noticed yesterday in fantasy baseball. Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Junior Guerra has a backstory that puts the odd in odyssey.  The Braves signed him as a 16-year-old catcher out of Venezuela.  In 2006, he had position reassignment surgery and became a pitcher.  As a herbathrowdite in Georgia, bathrooms and strike zones were hard to find, so he was released.  He found courage from the support group, “PAC IO,” which is Pitchers And Catchers Input/Output, and tried his hand at Independent leagues.  Eventually, he played in Mexico, Spain, and Italy.  In Italy, it was especially difficult to be a pitcher because every time a hitter came up to the plate a large, mustachioed woman umpire would say, “Guerra, you hafta throw the meatballs.  C’mon, the hitter’s starvin’ over here.”  And Guerra’s cheeks would constantly be pinched.  But, miraculously, Robin Ventura found him in Italy, while mistakenly thinking that’s where Jim Rome taped his show, and signed him.  Of course, the White Sox had no place for Guerra, and his journey took him to Milwaukee, allowing him to be the first person with an Italian stamp on his passport in Milwaukee since Arthur Fonzarelli.  Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks to move his record to 3-0.  He’s touched 99 MPH with his fastball, averaging around 92-95 and has a split-finger change that falls off the map like an explorer in the 1400’s.  Is he more than a streamer?  Hard to say at this point.  He will get strikeouts and faces the Braves next so I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and grab him for that start.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’d like to dedicate this post to all the mothers out there, and to the most important mother in most of our lives, Manny Machado.  The Oxford Dictionary defines mother, “something that is an extreme or ultimate example of its kind especially in terms of scale.”  So, one can say that Manny Machado is the mother of all shortstops and 3rd basemen.  Yesterday, on Machado’s Day, a true mother in the most arcane sense, he went 2-for-4, 6 RBIs with two homers (8, 9).  He’s gaining shortstop eligibility for next year because Hardy hurt himself and the Orioles realized that necessity is the Machado of invention.  So, next year, is there any way he’s not in the top three overall for all of fantasy?  I guess if he gets hurt.  Did I just jinx him?  What a Machado f**ker!  Whatever the case, there’s no way I can pay you back, but the plan is to show you that I understand; you are appreciated.  Sweet Manny, don’tcha know, I love ya (Dear Machado).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello OPSers!  Hold up; we need a better name than that.  That sounds like we like to add lots of Post Scripts to our letters, but it’s a surprise or we work for UPS but there was a typo.  Someone think of something better, I implore you.

Anyway, I hope all your teams are dominating; I’m lucky enough to be doing really well in my home league; the rest, eh, not so much.  Still, I’m not deterred.  I’m looking at some trades but I don’t really like to assess the standings until the end of May.  Because by then we should have a month of good weather hitting (and pitching, though I don’t really talk about pitching here as there are better sources, like JB) and know if guys are who we thought they are(LINK).  Man, that never, will ever, get old.

What is getting a little old to me?  The Cubs and their zany road threads.  Joe Maddon might be too loose.  Every time I watch the Cubs they show them getting off the bus in their crazy threads (check them out!).  It’s definitely hilarious but as a longtime cursed Cubs fan I worry.  It’s like they are all rookies when I don’t think any of them are (correct me if I’m wrong, wait, don’t make me look bad, keep it to yourself).

I figure this week we’ll look at the some of the top OPS hitters by position and some slumping guys to acquire.  Note: all stats through May 3rd.  Let’s dive in!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“‘I need a bouncy C.  Not a bouncy castle!’  Billy Beane screams into his headset, when an intern interrupts him and his daughter, practicing her guitar, while they are both on a treadmill.  The intern tells Beane that Jesse Hahn has a blister.  The intern turns and it’s Jonah Hill.  Fat Jonah, not “He doesn’t look right skinny” Jonah.   Beane then looks at the camera to establish empathy and says, “Get me Sean Manaea.”  Only he adds three extra syllables to Manaea’s naeame.   And…scene!”  The producer smiles, “That’s a great pitch.  If only Manaea looks that good.  High-five!”  So, Manaea has been called up to start on Friday.  He’s looked downright fantastic thus far.  Upleft fantastic too.  He’s a six-five Samoan, but he doesn’t weight 475 pounds.  He could be the Rookie of the Year; his stuff is that TNT with SVU reruns.  I also think there’s more downside here than, say, Berrios.  He’s had moments where his command leaves him, and he becomes a 5+ IP, 4 ER guy.  His delivery looks to me like he could get wild very easily.  Wide range of possibility here, could be a #1 or could be a #4-5 that you only own in AL-Only leagues.  Of course, I’m taking the flyer in all leagues for the chance he comes up and wows upsides our fantasy heads.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Hi, I work in the front office for the Twins and I’m ordering lunch.  I was wondering what you have that’s old that you can give us a discount on.  Can you eat old pork?  Hmm, let’s try it with extra sauce.  John Ryan Murphy briefly converted to Judaism, or so he wrote in 6-point font inside his lined notebook where he talked about murder, but he’s back to the gentile side of things.  I’d also like to know if any of your very old or very young employees want to join our pitching staff.  We can’t pay them in money, but Byung ho Park and Kurt Suzuki often wrestle together, reenacting Foxcatcher, and it’s just fun to be around when that happens.  Gotcha, okay, just send the old pork then!”  Incredibly, the Twins reached into their oh-so-deep pockets, pulled out some lint and decided to call up their top pitching prospect, Jose Berrios.  He’s only been ready for about three years now; crazy to start his clock now when they could’ve held him down in Triple-A for another five years.  Never underestimate the Twins’ frugality.  It’s FRU-JOUL-LAY, it’s Italian!  Here’s what I said previously about him, “A team like the Tigers would’ve promoted Berrios about two years ago.  No fear, John Deere, Berrios is still only 21 years old.  I’ve seen people peg Berrios as having #3 fantasy starter upside, but I see him landing eventually with a barely-2 BB/9 and 9 K/9 from his mid-90s MPH fastball and plus-curve.  That makes him a borderline fantasy ace in the making.  Of course, as a rookie, there will be stretches where he doesn’t look like that, but want a guy that could come on and give you a Shelby Miller in 2015-type year?  Berrios has that potential.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Yes, I’d grab him, yes, in your league too.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I can imagine what Juan Nicasio season long owners are feeling right now. First week was straight gravy with some poutine hiding underneath. Next week? Heart attack with a cliffhanger heading into week 3. This shizz is like Knots Landing and I don’t even know what that show is! Either way, drama central is going on and we out here in DFS land be like okay, okay, Childish Gambino style. That’s the beauty of the Daily Fantasy life: No Ragrets. Or better put, no memory. I don’t care that Juan was terrible in his last start. It happened in Detroit against a stacked Tigers lineup. Back at home in the NL against a good but shaky Brew Crew lineup, I’m willing to take a gamble on Juan at his low end price of $6,100. Why? Pitchers that Ray Searage has salvaged include but are not limited to: AJ Burnett, Francisco Liriano, and JA Happ. So you can write the other two off as bouncebacks but Happ? That’s straight voodoo magic, brosephs, and I’m not about to start a Salem witch trial against this good man. So step into my humble abode as we put Juan in our SP2 spot and forget about it for the day. But what should we do with our SP1 spot, you ask? Well read on. Here’s my telenovela hot taeks for this Sunday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Tyler White hot fire stayed lit last night with his third multi-hit game in a row, going 3-for-4 with 2-run home run. His second jack this year and brings his average to .692 with 7 RBI. Who is Tyler White, you ask? And why should you care, you say? Why am I talking about an Astros rookie first baseman not named A.J. Reed? Geez, bruh, what’s with the attitude, this is my first week back and I’m just trying to help. The 33rd round pick slashed a real nice .325/.442/.496 with 25 doubles, 14 homers and 99 RBI between AA and AAA in 2015. Ty also slashed .366/.460/.585 with 2 homers this spring. So none of this is completely out of no where. And it’s not like we’re talking about Trevor Story here. Now that I think of it, I probably should have written this blurb about him. What a Story! Oh man, perfect headline, too. Think of the all the delicious clicks I’d get. Oh well, Tyler White Hawt will surely cool down but until that time let’s have some fun with early season stats. Doode is slugging 1.308, with a .875 BABIP and a 2.022 OPS! Uh, that will help your fantasy team! Inflated saber metrics aside, White’s available in about 80% of ESPN leagues, Grey told you to BUY and he’s certainly worth a look while he’s hitting all the baseballs.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?