Fantasy Baseball Advice

James Lipton recently sat down with Stephen Strasburg and when he asked him what he thought of becoming a Nat, Stephen Strasburg said a’la Brando in On the Waterfront, “Actaaaaaa!!!”  Stephen Strasburg is THE BEST PITCHER EVER.  (Caps were provided by Scott Boras.)  The hype and superlatives of Strasburg have been spewed across the interwebs, so allow me to give you some perspective.  The last seven number one draft picks were Delmon Young, Matt Bush, Justin Upton, Luke Hochevar, David Price, Tim Beckham and Strasburg.  One guy in those seven is currently helping you.  One guy could help you.  One guy grabbed $3.15 million and opened a shaved ice stand in Acapulco.  In 1996, Kris Benson was presumably the best pitcher to ever toe the rubber coming out of college with a 204/27 K/BB ratio.  In 1999, Alfredo Amezaga was drafted one pick before Albert Pujols.  I think Strasburg will help your fantasy baseball team at some point.  I don’t think he’s helping you this year.  In deep keeper leagues, I’d grab Strasburg now.  He’ll be a Nat sooner versus later, but that’s only because the Nats number one pitcher is John Lannan.  In one year leagues, wait until he’s called up.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Lidge – Headed to the DL.  Man, who else strikes out more than a batter an inning, yet looks so vunerable to a meltdown?  I mean, this doode literally will strikeout the side around two home runs.  I don’t think this will necessarily be a lost season for Lidge.  He should come back in July and be ‘just okay.’  Hopefully, for Lidge owners, he gets the closing job back.  I think he will.  Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t own Madson.

Aaron Poreda – Called up by the White Sox.  In Double A, he struckout more than a batter per inning, but he also walked 32 guys in 58 1/3 innings.  Open the Victrola, blow the dust off the scratched record and listen to the B-side of, “Rookie Pitcher/Risky Pitcher.”  In AL-Only leagues, I’d grab him and expect nothing.  In mixed leagues, I’d prefer about 40 other pitchers.

Jordan Zimmermann – Scratched from start with a slightly sore elbow.  So instead of the Reds, he gets the Rays.  Bummer, mann.

David Wright – HR yesterday.  Wait, what? Home run by Wright. Come again? Home. Run. Wright.  Ah, yes.

Metco – 7 HRs were hit today in Bankrupt Bank Field b/w the Phillies and Mets.  While that would be fathomable with Moyer vs. Livan, this was Happ vs. Santana.  Even odder, no HRs were hit at Yankee Stadium.  (It helped that Josh Beckett pitched and that the game was in Fenway.)

J.A. Happ – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Well, the honeymoon’s over and now he heads home to face the Red Sox and the O’s, then he gets the Blue Jays in Toronto.  You gotta know when to hold ‘em… Know when to fold ‘em.  I’m folding.  (Actually sometime between screaming “Screw you” and “Hochevar,” I gave up on rookie pitchers for a few months, so I don’t own Happ anywhere.  But if I did…)

Nate McLouth – Has been batting leadoff for the Braves.  Against righties it makes sense and I could see Cox going to this lineup  more often than not.  It’ll affect McLouth’s ribbies.

Rafael Soriano – Got his fifth save as Mike Gonzalez worked a lefty-heavy eighth.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 1 ER.  James Shields, 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER. The answer is… Cueto and Shields.  Who are pitchers that Grey has on multiple teams, Alex?

Ben Zobrist – Hit his 12th homer.  You can’t stop him, you can only hope he doesn’t have his corked bat taken from him.

Elijah Dukes – HR yesterday.  He’s so gangsta!

Pablo Sandoval – 4-for-5, HR and 3 RBIs. 22/5/27/.318 on the season.  I have him on one team where I’m in first.  Did I have him all year?  Yup.  He’s a catcher and I ignore them.  Trust me, catchers don’t matter.  Put someone there and let them be.  In February, I put his projections at 60/14/65/.300 and that’s about where he’ll be in September.

Matt Cain – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER. Obviously not a great start, but as I said in the preseason, he could easily get the run support this year that Lincecum got last year.  Cain’s leading the NL in wins with 8.  He’s still a sell though if anyone’s looking at the sub-3 ERA and thinking he’s been that good.  He hasn’t.

Stephen Drew – HR yesterday.  Batting .393 in June.  I hope everyone held tight on Drew, still a lot of season left.

Mark Reynolds – Hit his 15th homer and is batting .269 on the year.  I have him on every team.  Mini-donkey!

Willie Bloomquist – Citing precedence from the 1700s, Bloomquist ruled in favor of the Royals v. Indians as he went went 3-for-3 with 2 steals.  Then the decision was overturned in the 7th in favor of the Indians.  Rightfully so.

J.P. Howell – Pitched the ninth of a one run game… where the Rays were losing.  Maddon’s obviously using a committee.  Anyone could get the next save.

Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-4 with 2 doubles and a steal.  I feel like I should make this a whole post, and maybe I will.  But if you pick up a guy, you hold him for at least a week unless your team situation gets drastically different.  I only say this because someone dropped CarGo in one of my leagues yesterday and I thought it was odd that they grabbed him the day he was called up only to drop him less than a week later.

Jason Hammel – 6 IP, 2 ER and the win.  I picked him up in a deep league for this week’s starts.  Brewers he beat, he gets the Mariners next.  Then I cash out my chips and dump him.

Mat Gamel – HR yesterday.  Interleague’s coming up.  Cust kayin’.

Jose Arredondo – Sent to the minors to figure his shizz out.  From “He’s gotta be the closer” to “He could be the closer on the Nats” in just over two months.

Matt Kemp – Undoubtedly the best 8th hitter right now in the NL.  How does a .310 hitter with 7 HRs and 13 SBs end up hitting 8th behind Russ “0 HR’ Martin and Rafael O-Furcal?  Maybe if Matt dated a nice Italian girl like Alyssa Milano, Joe Torre would hit him higher up in the lineup.

Scott Baker – The Mentalist followed up a 7 IP / 2 ER / 7 H+BB/ 10 K game against the Indians with 8 IP / 3 ER / 5 H+BB / 8 Ks against the A’s.  Doubt he’ll make it through the year without some time on the DL but it might be worth offering up an expendable closer or outfielder in the spare chance he can maintain this Verlander-like month worth of starts (if he keeps getting Indians and A’s matchups, it’ll only help…)

Adam Lind – Hit a homer as a thank you for writing a post about him yesterday.  You’re welcome, Adam.  Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars…

Brian Tallet – 7 IP, 0 ER.  He has too many walks in 74 innings.  It’s Tallet, not talent.

Andre Ethier – 2 HRs.  This came after Manny went into the clubhouse yesterday and let Ethier feel his stomach.  It kicked!

John Baker – Pujols hit him with his backstroke.  Hmm… what were they doing in a pool?  Nevertheless, Baker’s day-to-day.

Nolan Reimold – Another homer.  Yes, he’s better than the schmohawk behind door number 3.

Brad Bergesen – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks vs. the Mariners.  The Mariners lineup looks like an anorexic model with a pumpkin head.

Josh Johnson – 7 IP, 3 ER.  For those who missed the game, Johnson didn’t give up any runs.  The outfield defense for the Marlins is terrible.  Can they please trade Hermida?  He goes back on a ball like he’s wearing cement boots.

David Ortiz – HR yesterday.  Now that he has eyedrops to moisten his eyes, supposedly he doesn’t need to blink as much and can hit home runs. *cough* placebo *cough*  Big Papi’s lack of blinks will probably cost him the lead in the Broadway rendition of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.

Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is, the Rangers could only get one hit against Willis.  That’s right, Dwyck.  Dontrelle Willis went six and one-third, allowing only three baserunners and K’ing five.  The Rangers came into the game hitting lefties extremely well (.291) with Kinsler at .460 and Michael Young at .372.  So let’s all get jazzamatazzed, right?  Well, I don’t hold the same excitement.  His story definitely has the Lubitsch touch, but his last start was four earned in four and two-thirds against the Twins.  Dontrelle’s opponents will be tough, his recent history has been extremely poor and a 5/4 K/BB is poor.  There’s got to be at least a half dozen guys better on your waivers to take a chance on.  Let someone else buy a ticket for the D-Train.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

James Shields – 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER, zero run support.  If only they batted Sonnanstine third…

Josh Outman – 6 IP, 4 baserunners, 0 ER, 6 Ks.   His Ks are solid, but he walks too many guys and right now he’s getting a bit lucky with how many guys he’s leaving on base.  Then throw in the fact that he pitches for the A’s and their A’nemic offense.  Outman shouldn’t be in, man, outside of AL-Only leagues.

Shairon Martis – 6 IP, 5 ER.  Yeah, should’ve known better than to trust a Nats pitcher.  I’d love to say stick with him, but I don’t trust him enough; his walks are too ugly.  He may be 5-0 on the year, but he could be 5-5 by July.

Elijah Dukes – To the DL with a strained hamstring.  So far the Bowden Fluffers have appropriately sucked.

Orlando Hudson – Day-to-day with a bruised shoulder.  Isn’t that Osso Bucco?  Or is that braised?

J.A. Happ – I know a J.T.  Hagman was a J.R.  The Braves have a G.A.  But J.A.?  Those initials don’t go together.  They’re like N.G.  He’s replacing Chan No in the rotation and I like him in 12 team or deeper for match-ups.  This Saturday against the Yanks isn’t a great one though.

Gerardo Parra – 2-for-4 and hitting well since call-up.  Sometimes guys just breakout for no good reason.  Parra’s got room to play if he’s hot.  Could be what Fowler looked like in April.

Stephen Drew – 0-for-3, batting .203 on the seaosn.  It sure would be nice if he turned it on because the ‘Backs desperately want to believe in him as they bat him second, third and fourth on most nights.

Matt Palmer – 5 IP, 5 ER as he went to 5-0.  Matt Palmer?  Seriously?  Who’s he, a soap opera actor?

Josh Johnson – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Surreal how poorly my Win Karma is this year.  Johnson was bested by Jon Garland, who has more Wins on the season than him too.  Do I need to do some Angel Heart voodoo shizz?  A Jobu doll?  Matt Palmer?  Please, send me a signal.  Throw me a line.

Kelly Johnson – 3-for-4 with a steal as he batted in the six hole.  A) Johnson’s a streaky hitter. B) He claims to prefer hitting lower in the order. C) There’s no C.

Ian Stewart – 0-for-4 with three Ks.  It helps that Atkins has been dreadful, but Stewart needs to make it count.

Nolan Reimold – 1-for-3 and batting an empty .250.  Same dealio as Stewart.  He has the chance, but he needs to do something with it.

Adam Jones – When the Orioles emerged from their clubhouse, there was a huge cloud of smoke as Jones returned to the lineup.

Joe Mauer – 7th homer of the year.  Obviously, he’s a cyborg.  Or stole Soto’s soul.

Pedro Feliz – 9 for his last 18.  Currently on one of those Happy streaks.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 4 ER.  Not his best start of the year.  The glass half-filled with Cueto Kool-Aid points out he didn’t walk anyone.  Glass half-empty, he gave up two homers.

Colby Rasmus – Has hit two homers in two nights, three homers in the last five games and he had one homer rained out the other day.  Now if he can string together more than one hit in a game, we’ll be all set.

Rick Ankiel – Set to return.  If he’s on waivers anywhere because of an impatient owner, he’s worth a pickup.  Remember Ankiel wasn’t exactly lighting the world on fire when he was playing, so don’t get overzealous with who you drop.

Scott Baker – 5 IP, 4 ER.  And this came against the White Sox who have been scuffling for runs.  I think he’s headed back to the Disgraceful List.

Felix Hernandez – F-Her in the Big A and it didn’t work out well as he allowed 6 runs in 5 and two-thirds.

Barry Zito – 8 IP, 2 ER.  I admit it, I started him last night.  And I will again in his next start against the M’s.  From there, I’ll reevaluate.

Scott Hairston – HR yesterday as he went 2-for-2 and batted third.  I almost picked him up on Monday, but I was banking on a lot of steals against Chris Young and played speed heavy. (I came out with Nadir Bupkis.)

Bill Hall – H.A. double hockey sticks started at 3rd and went 1-for-4 with two Ks as Gamel combed his hair on the bench.

Kerry Wood – 4 earned runs as he blew… the save.  If there was anyone in the Indians bullpen worth owning, I’d say grab him, but alas there’s not.

Brian Bannister – 6 IP, 5 ER.  There’s the Bannister we know and don’t love.

Casey Blake – Hit his ninth homer yesterday and is batting .283 with 26 RBIs.  He’s out-hitting a lot of cornermen right now.

Noah Lowry – Scheduled to undergo surgery this week to have a rib removed from his left side. I know I’m not ordering the prime rib at Lawry’s any time soon.  Also, if I was Joe Nathan, I’d be very careful.

The Orioles love their ex-Cubbies so they decided to sample some of their Pecan’t Pie rather than just hand the LF job to Nolan Reimold.  As with most of these rookies, a lot depends on starting jobs.  And Reimold doesn’t have one.  Yet.  So who’s blocking Reimold?  Luke Scott?  Who are you, Luke Scott?  A 30-something prospect?  Luke Scott must’ve called Matt Stairs for advice on how to prolong a major league career that should’ve ended years ago.   Go to the DL, Luke.  (He’s not there yet, but maybe if we all hold our breath.  What Razzballers want, Razzballers get!)  Then there’s Felix Pee-ay, who is crap-ay.  He was hurt in yesterday’s game.  Not to mention, many think his ship has already come and gone for prospect status.  If Reimold emerges from this O’s left fielder mess, he’s a slugger who we think could hit for power without costing you too much in the average department.  The nice thing about Reimold compared to a rookie pitcher — say, I don’t know, Hochevar! — is Reimold could slump for a week and only give you a few 0-for-4s, not a 36.00 ERA.  If we had to bet, we’d say the Orioles don’t bring him up in order to avoid giving him ‘Super 2′ status.  Why would we accuse the Orioles of leaving their best available player in the organization for a specific position in AAA?  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Kevin Youkilis – Youuuk can take a spot on the DL.  Thanks Sawx.  Instead of just putting him on the DL with his oblique injury, they kept him on the bench for 7 days before doing it.  Hey man – you might have a bunch of bench spots but us fantasy owners don’t!  The DL stint is backdated so he might only be out for another week or so but oblique injuries can be a wickid pissah of an injury.

Dan Haren – 7 IP, 3 ER.  “Johan, I think I heard Upton whispering to Byrnesie that they were saving their runs for Doug.  No, I’m not being paranoid!  Could you just come over?”

Stephen Drew – Returned from the DL.  Brother J.D. calls to ask, “They can DL you for less than 60 days?”

Ryan Ludwick – Pulled in the 1st inning with a hamstring injury.  That never sounds good.  If he has to go on the DL, LaRussa is down to two in his original 4 man OF rotation (Rasmus, Duncan).  We have a feeling LaRussa is trying to determine which young pitcher will make the better outfielder  – PJ Walters or Mitchell Boggs.

Chien-Ming Wang – 6 shutout innings in Triple-A.  I’ve already picked him up in a deep league (16 teams).  Hey, I had to get rid of Hocevar as quick as possible.  If you have an open DL slot, slide a Wang into it.

Chris Davis – 9th homer of the year and up to .231.  Hello, Mr. Reynolds.  Goodbye, Mr. Reynolds.

B.J. Ryan – Ricciardi said even when Ryan returns, Downs will be his closer.  Yeah, I trust Ricciardi when it comes to B.J.

Carlos Quentin – Out until Friday with a sore heel.  That’ll teach him to break bats with his foot.

Luke Hochevar – I was roofied and violated.  We won’t go into specifics.  But I think I’m done with rookie pitchers.  Wait… Against the A’s?  Really?  Bring back Ponson!  I hate you, Hochevar.  And I’m glad I can’t pronounce your name, it’ll be easier to forget.

Derek Holland – 1.74 ERA on the year as he got his first win.  He’s just working middle relief right now, but he could move into the rotation picture.  Wait, didn’t I just say no more rookie pitchers?  Damn you, Hochevar.

Kevin Slowey – 6 IP, 1 ER.  Great to see Slowey do what he’s supposed to do after Hochevar kicked my teeth in.

Armando Galarraga – 5 2/3, 5 ER. I gotta be honest, it’s nice to see a guy I thought would fail do exactly that.  Sorry, to his owners.  Scharmandofreude!

Manny Parra – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks.  Manny being Parra with the Ks, but not the walks (only 2).  Encouraging…  Oh, wait.  It was the Marlins.  They don’t walk.

Zach Duke – 8 IP, 1 ER.  Has only had two disasters through 7 starts, but he doesn’t strikeout out that many guys so I’m a little weary. His ERA should come up a full run, but it’s only at 2.52, so that’s not that bad.

Matt Capps – 3 baserunners, but worked a scoreless ninth with 2 Ks.

Brad Lidge – Gave up another run.  I’d continue to hold Madson, something seems off with Lidge right now.

Jayson Werth – 4 steals, including one of home.  I didn’t see it, but I have to assume Belisario fell for the ol’ “Hey, look over there!”

Jimmy Rollins – Hit 5th yesterday.  I’m sorry, but is that supposed to break him out of his slump?  By hitting him in the heart of the order instead of the top?  I don’t think this lasts.

Brad Hawpe – 4-for-4 with 1 HR and 5 RBI.  Now at .359 with 5 HR and 25 RBI.  Hawpe has never taken that next step like Holliday and we’d bet the under on .300, 30 HR, and 100 RBI.  While he’ll give you quality numbers, now might be the best time you’ll have to trade him.  He’s an awful fielder and, with Colorado’s OF depth, he should be deemed expendable if they are out of the pennant race come July.

Felipe Paulino – 4 IP, 7 ER.  Looked more like Ronnie Paulino in this start.  While Ronnie’s doing a number two.

Ian Stewart – A solo homer and a grand slam from the 8th spot in the lineup.  He has been struggling mightily and Sonovabenched us in a couple leagues.  He now has 2B/3B eligibility in ESPN (had it already in Yahoo!) and is still 3 games away from OF eligibility.  Hopefully this outburst leads to a couple more OF starts…

Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Has now pitched three quality starts in a row.  The only terrible starts of the year (3 of them) were against the Dodgers (twice) and the Cubs.  So if we’re to believe this, he should be a “go pitcher” for his next start against the Pirates.

Daniel Murphy – Could see time at first with Delgado nursing a bad hip.  This doesn’t add a whole lot to his value, since Murphy was a borderline outfielder as it was.  You don’t really want him at 1st.

Joe Mauer – Fourth homer in his tenth game.  Sure does have a lot of *pinkie to mouth* Pauer.  Guess when you only play 80 games a year, you gotta get your stats in while you’re playing.

Delmon Young – .277 on the year with 1 homer and 2 steals.  Wow is this guy yawnstipating.

Conor Jackson – He’s now on the DL with a ‘general illness’ according to new GM AJ Finch.  I got an idea, send him to a “General Hospital.”

Jerry Hairston Jr. – 3-for-7, 3 RBIs and 2 steals in the last two games.  .343 in May with 2 homers.  Rudy snagged him before this mini-hot streak.  Might end tomorrow, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it holds up for another week or so.

Joey Votto – Left the game with dizziness.  I thought in Cincy it was called “Dustiness?”

Frank Francisco – Suffering from bicep tendinitis.  We picked up Wilson in a few leagues.  We’re frankly frankled about it but frankfully Francisco is supposed to be franking it up again in a couple of days.

Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 3 ER.  With 8 Ks, he looked solid outside of two innings (1st and 4th).  But if you can’t beat the Aint’s, who can you beat? The Nats, actually.  But not if you pitch for them.  Conundrum!

Matt Cain – 7 IP, 4 ER.  God forbid I get a Win in a league.  Seriously, what the eff?

Joe Beimel – Almost got the save yesterday for those still torturing themselves with Nats relievers.

Pablo Sandoval – Game winning HR yesterday.  After the game, Pablo said through a translator, “San Francisco is my village and no one will pilfer it, except for I.”  His translator was dressed like a waiter at Medievel Times.  Very weird scene.

As Stephen Drew tried to take that step forward in 2009 that fantasy baseball owners craved, he hurt his hamstring.  Wonder what a Drew family vacation is like… “J.D., you wanna go see the world’s largest bottle cap?  It’s supposedly 17 inches in circumference!” “Sure, I’ll go tell Mom and Pop.”  On the way to the Sequoia, two hamstring pulls, a fractured hip and the Mom needs Tommy John surgery.  Pretty sure no one’s giving them joint family coverage.  The MDs in AZ say Drew’s injury shouldn’t knock him out longer than the 15 days.  When you consider he hadn’t even started to hit yet, looks like Drew’ll begin his season mid-May.  All in all, this is a decent buy low guy right now.  If you can trade some spare parts for him (closer-du-jour, extra OF, etc.), he should prove worth stashing.  He’s still talented and he can have a solid three-quarters of a season.  Hopefully, he spent the first quarter on someone else’s team.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:

Brandon Webb – Earliest return date is late-May.  Still a long season so you can’t really sell him short, but with the trouble coming in his right shoulder, I’d be worried this doesn’t become a worst situation before it gets better.

Brian McCann – Headed for Lasik with eye problems.  Maybe he said fudge and Cox made him suck on some soap.  David Ross is filling in for him on the Braves and he hit a HR yesterday.  Ross actually isn’t an awful replacement for fantasy owners either.  You might get some pop and his killer average shouldn’t hurt for only two weeks.  It matters how deep your league is, but I’d also look at Salty, Hundley, Shoppach and Laird, in that order.

Chris Getz – Headed to the DL.  I know what you’re thinking, Gordon Beckham gets his chance!  Yeah, but what matters is what Ozzie Guillen’s thinking.  Ozzie’s thinking Brent Lillibridge and Jayson Nix.  I know what you’re thinking now, what’s Ozzie thinking?!

Jake Peavy – 5 IP, 5 ER.  I know this is no in-depth observation, but he just doesn’t look right.  This is very sad for me.  He’s given up way too many home runs and walks.  I wouldn’t sell him short because he can go on a ten game run where he’s unhittable… Or at least I hope he does.

Justin Upton – HRs in back-to-back games in between numerous flailings at breaking pitches (Jaboo strikes again).  At this point, he should just change his last name to Upside.  Because that’s both his allure and the reason he’s overvalued in every non-keeper league.

Mark Reynolds – 5th homer yesterday.  Guess who else hit his 5th homer yesterday?  Davis.  We got ourselves a hot one, America!

Conor Jackson – 2-for-6.  Got the game winning hit yesterday, which means poopie-squat for fantasy, but it might be the confidence builder he needs.

Cameron Maybin – 0-for-5, batting .189 on the season.   Sleeper pick went comatose the first month of the season.  I’m ready to pull the plug in 12 team leagues.  Potential replacements are Spillborghs, Kubel, Cody Ross, Teahen or Juan Rivera, obviously depends on what is out there.

Clayton Kershaw – 4 2/3, 9 ER.  Walk, tried to get ahead of a hitter resulting in a home run… Rinse and repeat.  From an absolute gem against the Giants where he K’d 13 to back-to-back beatings. He’s too good/erratic to bench.  If you bench him, you’ll miss a gem.

Adam LaRoche – 2 HRs, bringing his season total to 5.  Guess all it took was being on the same team as his little brother, Andy.  (Why haven’t the Yanks signed Mark Teixeira’s little brother to get him off his typical slow start?   Like Cody Ransom or Angel Berroa are better?)  Maybe now he’s a 2nd half of April hitter.  His upside still seems like Jorge Cantu… And his downside too.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 7-for-13 this weekend.  As I said last week, I was giving him one more week.  This was the kind of weekend I was looking for.  He’s earned a bit longer leash.

Kenshin Kawakami – It’s 4 starts now and the control (11 BB in 21.2 IP) + gopheritis (5 in 4 games) has us thinking Atlanta signed some 1/2 price sushi.  The K’s are intriguing but he has to be downgraded to matchup starter vs. start every game.

Manny Parra – 5 IP, 1 ER.  Hey, I’m a fan, but frankly this could’ve been a five earned game just as easily.

Jose Valverde – Got the save but was noticeably limping.  Cuddle Boy, Hawkins should be held for now.

Andy Sonnanstine – 4 IP, 7 ER.  The A’s whooped that trick.

B.J. Upton – 0-for-4, .156 on the season.  While J. Up is all upside, B. Up is not this bad.

Justin Masterson – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Keeping walks down and Ks up.  Hopefully, Dice-K doesn’t take the bullet train back.

Pablo Sandoval - 4-for-4, HR, now batting .292.  Hope everyone held out hope where he was eligible at catcher.  He’s stocky (read: fat) but doesn’t have that much power.  My preseason projections gave him 14 homers and a .300 average.  Still sounds about right.

Jered Weaver – 7 shutout innings leaves him at 2-1 with good ERA, WHIP, solid K rate (almost 8 per 9 IP) and, most importantly, he’s not another Angel pitcher with a broken wing.  Only owned in 87% of ESPN leagues.  Seems to be underrated – maybe because of his brother?

Jordan Zimmermann – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  No weepstakes here so far.  Very impressive start against the Mets.  He won’t obviously stay below a 3 ERA, but while teams try to figure him out, he could coast to a solid 1st half.

Jarrod Washburn – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Looks like someone let my Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell get in their head.

Joakim Soria & Brandon Morrow – Both have sore shoulders that – for now – are just day-to-day.  (Soria + Morrow = Sorrow?)  Morrow seems ready to go for next game where Soria might be due back middle of next week.  Might be worth playing Aardsma and Juan Cruz in deep leagues or if you need saves.

Derrek Lee – Removed because of neck spasms.  When you’re batting .197, you’re snapping your neck from the pitcher to the catcher a lot.

Ross Ohlendorf – Outdueled Peavy to go to 2-2 with a 3.24 ERA.  We really want to root for a guy with such a fun last name to say but his crazy low K rate (10 K in 25 IP) hints at a pitcher who’ll get flogged sooner vs. later and often vs. seldom.

Aaron Laffey – Won his 2nd game this week since being called up from the minors.  He’s far from a K guy but he is throwing a lot of ground balls right now.  Consider him for spot starts but he’s more likely to earn a full-time spot this year on a Razzball staff right now vs. a real fantasy baseball staff (real fantasy baseball staff – is that an oxymoron?)

Armando Galarraga – Now at 3-0 with a 1.85 ERA.  Guess the fact we named him #1 most risky pitcher motivated him or something.  He’s K-ing nearly a guy an inning which is above last years 6.35/9 IP rate.  We haven’t flipped positions on him just yet but getting there.

Shawn Hill – To the 15-day DL.  Hmm… maybe he’s part Drew?

Chris Ray – Sherrill won’t see saves in back-to-back games according to the O’s.  Then again, according to the O’s they have a major league pitching staff.

Adam Jones – 3-for-4, HR and 1st steal of the year.  The steals will come and the power will continue.  He’s not a sell candidate, unless you’re against Prop 420.

When I went over the top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball, I mentioned that it was really shallow, but actually a bit deeper than the list of the top 20 shortstops for 2009 fantasy baseball.  Well, proof is in the pudding, so here’s the pudding.  We’ve already gone over quite a few top 20 lists already and they can be found in the 2009 fantasy baseball rankings.  Also, here’s a list of every player who has multiple position eligibility and our 2009 fantasy baseball player rater.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2009 fantasy baseball:

1.  Hanley Ramirez – Already covered him in our top 10 for 2009 fantasy baseball post.

2.  Jose Reyes – Already covered him in our top 10 for 2009 fantasy baseball post.

3.  Jimmy Rollins – Already covered him in our top 20 for 2009 fantasy baseball post.

4. Alexei Ramirez -  This is the next tier and it goes down to Furcal.  I call this tier, “Really? These are the top shortstops?”  Alexei may not be eligible in all leagues because of less than 20 games at shortstop.  Either way, I already covered him in our top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball.

4 1/2.  Stephen Drew -  Okay, when you see Stephen Drew at number four and a half overall for shortstops, you’re asking yourself if this is a vote for Drew or an indictment of the 2009 shortstops.  That’s a fair question and I’m glad you posed it.  What do you think?  A bit of both?  Wow, we are totally in sync.  Okay, what did I eat for lunch?  Nope, chicken burrito.  In 2009, Drew takes a step forward.  2009 Projections:  85/24/80/.280/7

5.  J.J. Hardy – Personally, I’d like to see Alcides Escobar get called up and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens by the trade deadline in July with Hardy going to a contender.  Maybe to the Dodgers to replace an injured Furcal.  2009 Projections:  85/25/80/.275/3

6.  Jhonny Peralta – This Silent H comes in at sixth with the other Silent H coming at 18th.  The scary thing is there’s been years where they’ve flip-flopped in the rankings.  Peralta doesn’t come without some risk.  Be forewarned, fantasy baseballers!  2009 Projections:  85/25/90/.270/3

7.  Troy Tulowitzki – Let’s put Tulo’s 2008 season into a strait jacket and then submerge it into Houdini’s Milk Can.  2009 Projections:  65/20/85/.285/5

8.  Derek Jeter - After you choose Jeter in your 2009 draft, make sure you tell your wife so she can pat you on the head.  2009 Projections:  110/12/70/.305/12

9. Rafael Furcal – I already went over Furcal for 2009 when he returned to the Braves for a minute (not an Urbandictionary “minute,” which is actually a long time.) He’s going to be a steal for his draft position or he’s going to go kaboom like peanuts in abnormal lemonade.  2009 Projections:  95/15/65/.285/35 or 25/6/40/.390/7 and a seat next to Nomar on the DL.

10.  Michael Young – Here’s a new tier that goes from Young to Renteria.  I call this tier, “Boring.”  I say boring because their best years are behind them and, for a few of them, their best years weren’t even that good.   As for Michael Young, when I say empty, you say average.  “Empty…”  “Average…” I will say this in Young’s defense.  Look at his projections compared to Jeter.  Not that different, huh?  2009 Projections:  100/10/85/.310/10

11. Miguel Tejada – I want a new drug.  One that won’t spill… One that won’t let me hit .280 with 13 home runs and 66 RBIs… Or that comes in a pill… 2009 Projections:  90/15/75/.285/7

12. Orlando Cabrera -  Him and Renteria have similar power, speed, average and they want to kill each other.  2009 Projections:  90/7/65/.280/20

13. Edgar Renteria – Two enemies forever entwined in the 2009 fantasy baseball rankings.  2009 Projections:  80/9/70/.285/12

14. Yunel Escobar – This next tier is called, “What do you get when you mix nothing with the slightest bit of upside?”  This tier goes from here to the end of the list.  If you’re digging through the middle infielder bin at Filene’s Basement, you’re much better taking one of these schmohawks than one in the last tier.  These guys may not outperform them, but at least there’s a chance.  2009 Projections:  90/13/65/.300/3

15. Mike Aviles – Already covered him in our top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball.

16. Ryan Theriot – The Riot is actually not a bad late draft sleeper.  It’s nice to get 25 steals out of your MI spot and The Riot can potentially give you that.   2009 Projections:  90/2/40/.295/25

17. Yuniesky Betancourt – How does an outside chance at a 10/10 season sound to you?  Yawnstipating?  Yeah, me too.  2009 Projections:  65/10/65/.280/10

18. Khalil Greene – This H is silent, but deadly to your average.   2009 Projections:  65/20/80/.235/5

19. Emmanuel Burriss/Asdrubal Cabrera – Already covered them in our top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball.

20. Clint Barmes – Honestly, I could’ve put about ten different names here and they would have all been as uninspiring.  2009 Projections:  75/12/55/.270/12 (<–real optimistic)

After the top 20 shortstops for 2009 fantasy baseball, there’s a lot of names but two stand out:

Elvis Andrus – Some would even call him a 2009 fantasy baseball sleeper.  Hey, wait a sec, I called him that!  If the Rangers get Vizquel, it hurts Andrus’s value, but, as I already said, Andrus probably wouldn’t be up for opening day anyway.  2009 Projections:  55/3/35/.250/20 in 50 games.

Jed Lowrie – “Hey, what’s that you just put into your back pocket?”  “Jed Lowrie.”  “Why?”  “I want an outside chance at a 10/5 season.”  Long pause.  “Oh.”  2009 Projections:  75/10/80/.260/5