We’ve got a crazy post ahead of us, so let’s get started. But before we do, AHHH, pit stop already? Seriously, I just want to thank all of the commissioners. You have taken my goal of 75 RCL’s and shattered it, like those bad guys in Superman II. I’d also like to thank everyone who joined a league, because without you, there would be no us. And you plus me equals us. Because, wait for it… wait for it… I know my calculus. ALL THE POINTS. I want you to know that it really is important to me. There’s no money, no fame, no female boobs in it for us. Only a sense of community, and, well, that’s why we do this. So seriously, I love you. Let’s date. (Oh, and if you still want to join a RCL, there are still spots open! Just scroll to the bottom to get in on some RCL fun.)
So yeah, we didn’t just have the writer’s draft. We had a bunch of drafts. So let’s go over some of those in random ways before we go over whatever you want to call what us writer’s did. I’d call it sexual chocolate, but you might call it flailing loins. Something like that. Okay, whew, pit stop over. Now we can get started… Please, blog, may I have some more?
First off, I would like to say Eric Sogard should be the Face of the MLB; that vote was rigged in David Wright’s favor. Baseball needs more nerdy-looking, glasses-touting, Bernie-leanin’, jive-walking players. But without further ado, here is the AL West Spring Training Showdown. (You can check out the AL Central Spring Training Preview here and NL East Spring Training Preview here.) Please, blog, may I have some more?
In past years, I’ve said the following analogy. There’s years of looking up to your father, whether you agree all the time or not. Then, one day, he takes a poop on your couch. You take him to the hospital; he’s in need of some sort of psychology examination. If the tests come back conclusive that he pooped the couch simply out of laziness, then that’s ESPN. If tests come back that he’s gone crazy, well, over at Yahoo The Noise ranked Matt Carpenter 37th overall. A recipe for success at Yahoo involves Kosher salt because you need to take Yahoo’s rankings with a bigger grain of salt. Now, with that said, I think this year Yahoo’s flipped the script on ESPN. Yahoo’s rankings are better this year, i.e., they’re closer to mine than ESPN. At least that’s the vibe I get from looking at them, I didn’t actually stop and weigh the differences and divide that weight by pi to the seventh integer and multiply by X. I simply looked at what they had vs. me and think Yahoo did a better job this year. They have also changed their rankings dramatically in the last week. See, I originally had The Noise down as ranking Carpenter 30th overall. Just about every guy in the chart at the end of this post has moved closer to my rankings in the last week. I’m not saying they’re copying (or they’re not copying fast enough), because, well, they’re still off and now it’s time to spit fire: Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m looking at my 2014 fantasy baseball rankings compared to ESPN’s fantasy baseball rankings and my iTunes is hitting White Walls by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (featuring Schoolboy Q, Hollis and me).
I wanna be free, I wanna just live… Inside my rankings… This is my shizz… Please, blog, may I have some more?
Now throw it up (ESPN’s rankings make me wanna throw up),
That’s what it is (that’s what it is),
In my R-A-N-K-I-N-G-S, Mitch (Moreland),
Can’t see through their love for Kipnis (nah ah),
I’m drafting real slow (slow motion),
In my hot wet dripping love for Giancarlo, he’s 24 (handsome fella),
ESPN don’t got love for the 24′s (nah ah),
But they’re on those oft-injured Jacoby’s,
That’s in those New York short walls,
R-r-round them hundred year old folks (Jeter),
Old school like Old English in that brown paper bag,
Yovani’s rolling in with the same WHIP that my granddad had,
Hello, haters, damn y’all mad,
$30 on a starter, now how backpack rap is that?
Welcome to the second annual Razzball Keepers Top-100 list-a-roo. I capped it AND italicized it, because it’s just that special. (The 2013 Top-100 can be found here.)
Spoiler Alert! We’re doing things keeper league style, dynasty style… which ever nomenclature you prefer. Basically, if you hold onto players for more than a year, these are the rankings you’ve been waiting your whole life for. Whole life man. Seriously.
Remember, the process for this list is quite unique. Unlike Grey, I didn’t type half of it with my mustache. Also, this isn’t your list. It’s my list. So, yeah, I’ll love guys a lot more than you will. I’ll also love your mom. Or vica versa. It’s just the way it is. If you stuck me in a keeper this very instant, this is pretty much the list, in order, of who I’d personally want long term. Things like previous production, expected 2014 production, projections for 2015-2017, future potential, positional-scarcity, and injury-risk are all things I bake into the rankings. Regardless, the big takeaway here is that I believe in the Oxford comma. And I guess a lot of comma’s in general. And short sentences. And baking. And female nudity. Word.
Note: I’ve only ranked players who have pitched at least one inning or had one at-bat in their MLB career, sans Masahiro Tanaka and Jose Abreu. Our prospect maven, Scott Evans, has the low down on all those MiLB guys I left out. Go check out his 2014 rankings (Top-25, Top-50), he won’t bite… I think.) Please, blog, may I have some more?
So the title has a bit of superlative in it. What was I gonna say, the most kinda good fantasy baseball team? You’ll get over your scoffing, I have faith in you. This is the best 2014 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2014 fantasy baseball and top 400 for 2014 fantasy baseball. Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific… Well, one of the twenty-five would only be almost terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is. If I took Adam Jones in the 1st round, everything after would change. For this exercise, I’m taking Mike Trout first, because, well, I have him first overall. Until pick 100, I’m taking one guy somewhere in every twelve picks. It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Darvish and Kershaw in the first round and I was able to take Prince Fielder in the 2nd round (which is likely), but since Trout and him are in my first 10 picks, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both. Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100′s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken. People tend to look at team need over value. So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks. Finally, because there is so much latitude in the last 200, I gave myself free reign to fill up my team. Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward. It should still be my ideal team… Or not. Let’s see, shall we? Bee tee dubya, this team is 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 bench, just like the Razzball Commenter Leagues that are signing up still. (Yes, we need commissioners. I’m shooting for 70 leagues, but we need your help! Wow, I just sounded like FDR.) Anyway, here’s the best 2014 fantasy baseball team: Please, blog, may I have some more?
With the 2014 fantasy baseball rankings for every position done, we turn our lazy eye towards the top 100 for 2014 fantasy baseball. These 2014 fantasy baseball rankings are one part fresh and two parts to def. They own a cat, a dog and a lizard in a two bedroom apartment where pets aren’t allowed. Know why? Cause they don’t care! None of this top 100 for 2014 fantasy baseball is meant to surprise. *jumping out of a closet* Boo! Now, that was meant to surprise. This top 100 is just taking my positional rankings and putting guys in The Big Picture. You really should read each ranking post because the blurbs in this top 100 are on the skimpy side because there’s so many of them, and I went over each one of these guys already. Obviously at a hundred players, some guys just didn’t make it. About 300, to be inexact. It’s okay; there will be a top 400 tomorrow. Shortly, Sloth, you’ll have your Baby Ruth. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2014 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter! To help with your drafting, there’s also a list of players with multiple position eligibility. Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2014 fantasy baseball: Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, I touched on the top 20 starters for 2014 fantasy baseball and only two guys pressed charges. I could’ve sworn Alex Cobb was giving me eyes and then I moved my hand and then he slapped my hand and I thought it was over but then the cops showed up and sigh. Last year, there was fifteen pitchers from 21-40 that I would’ve drafted. This year there’s 16, and the few guys I’m not crazy about in this post are probably fine too. Say it with me now, “There’s more pitchers than Michael J. Fox can shake a stick at.” I’ve already gone over all the hitters for my 2014 fantasy baseball rankings. As always, my projections and where tiers start and stop is included. Anyway, here’s the top 40 starters for 2014 fantasy baseball: Please, blog, may I have some more?
There are sleepers. And then there are chubby husbands that get woken up by their wives when they snore uncontrollably. We’re going to take the latter approach to this series of three posts. This first post of the series will present a unique process of how I pinpoint out SP sleepers, explained after the jump. Please, blog, may I have some more?
“Grey, sometimes I look into your eyes and I see a land with marshmallow-topped trees and lots of fake-breasted women. Any the hoo! Who can be this year’s Matt Harvey?” That’s you when you’re being real with yourself. Sonny Gray can be this year’s Matt Harvey. I don’t even know if he’s going to be a sleeper, but my guess is he won’t be ranked in the top ten for all starting pitchers, but could end up there by the end of the year, so that ups his sleeperitude, which is like pulchritudinous because it looks like it would be a negative or some rare disease, but it’s one of the greatest compliments that can’t be pronounced by most people. Sleeper-a-tude? Sleepery-tude? Sleep-er-eye-tude? Don’t even get me to try and pronounce pulchritudinous. I can’t even spell it without copying and pasting it from Google. Sonny Gray doesn’t get touched by my soft hands on his subtle features simply because he sounds like he’s related to me or because he tried in earnest to grow a mustache. We’re not that shallow here — though, I will say a land of marshmallow-topped trees and fake-breasted women does sound wonderful. So, what can we expect from Sonny Gray for 2014 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper? Please, blog, may I have some more?