Well, not much has changed for closers since last month when we did a run down of all of them. Kimbrel got a save, Axford got a save, and everyone else sucks. Holly Robinson Peete closers are a mess! I don’t think there’s ever been so many Brain Freezes before. I almost feel like adding an extra category below the Brain Freezes called, “The Legend of Gloom.” Wha’ happened? Did someone poison the bullpen water? Has Mariano Rivera made it so when he retires there won’t be any more closers? There will only be starters and “Those Other Guys.” To recap this month in closing quickly: Valverde has been less than stellar, Putz and Street just don’t close games, Motte hasn’t been good, Brian Wilson became Casilla who Bochy pulled after one batter during one game, Joel Hanrahananananan gave fantasy owners the question, “Who’s Juan Cruz?”, Sergio Santos may start throwing at some point in the next few weeks, the Red Sox gave the job to someone who has an over 10 ERA, Frank-Frank hasn’t had a blank-blank inning in forever, Kyle Farnsworth left stage right and Rodney, who couldn’t get saves last year, entered stage “I can’t believe Rodney’s closing games,” Guerra’s been about as bad as expected, Walden blew one save and lost the job, What the H. Santiago?, What the H. Bell?, Grant Balfour might get traded, Jim Johnson gave fantasy owners the question, “Juan Cruz or Pedro Strop? Wait, who?”, the closers on terrible teams have looked good so they’ll probably be traded or just not save games, and Brad Lidge is afraid of heights and the mound is above the field so he went to the DL which is on sea level. Got all of that? Yeah, I’m not sure I did either. Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
1. Craig Kimbrel (Jonny Venters, Kris Medlen) 2. John Axford(Francisco Rodriguez) 3. Mariano Rivera (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano) 4. Jonathon Papelbon (Antonio Bastardo, Chad Qualls)
Donkeycorns
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns. 5. Huston Street (+3) (Luke Gregerson, Andrew Cashner) 6. Jim Johnson (+15) (Pedro Strop, Matt Lindstrom) 7. Joel Hanrahan(+4) (Juan Cruz, Jason Grilli) 8. J.J. Putz(-2) (David Hernandez, Bryan Shaw) 9. Jason Motte (-1) (Fernando Salas, Mitchell Boggs) 10.Jose Valverde(-6) (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel) 11. Rafael Betancourt (+7) (Rex Brothers) 12. Brandon League(+6) (Tom Wilhelmsen) 13. Fernando Rodney (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee) 14. Grant Balfour(+6) (Brian Fuentes, Ryan Cook)
15. Brett Myers(+8) (David Carpenter, Brandon Lyon) 16. Joe Nathan(+6) (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando) 17. Kenley Jansen/Javy Guerra (+2) (Matt Guerrier)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Matt Capps– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Valencia in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
18. Sean Marshall(+3) (Aroldis Chapman, Jose Arredondo)
19. Santiago Casilla (-10) (Sergio Romo, Jeremy Affeldt) 20. Chris Perez (+4) (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp)
21. Matt Capps (+6) (Glen Perkins, Jared Burton) 22. Jonathan Broxton(+6) (Aaron Crow) 23. Henry Rodriguez (+6) (Tyler Clippard, Brad Lidge) 24. Frank Francisco(-8) (Jon Rauch, Bobby Parnell, Ramon Ramirez) 25. Alfredo Aceves(-13) (Franklin Morales, Daniel Bard) 26. Carlos Marmol(-11) (Rafael Dolis, Kerry Wood) 27. Heath Bell (-19) (Steve Cishek, Edward Mujica) 28.Scott Downs(-11) (Jordan Walden, LaTroy Hawkins) 29. Matt Thornton/Hector Santiago(-1) (Addison Reed, Jesse Crain) 30. Francisco Cordero (-15) (Casey Janssen, Luis Perez, Sergio Santos, Lloyd Moseby)
Before going through the closer upheaval rigmarole, I thought it important to set some context on blown saves. From 2009-2011 (three seasons), of pitchers with at least 10 saves, 11 relievers blew 16 or more saves. Only three of those pitchers (Matt Capps, Carlos Marmol and Jim Johnson) are still closers. Leo Nunez and Brian Wilson aren’t closing for, mostly, non-baseball-related reasons. While the other half (Kevin Gregg, Francisco Cordero, Francisco Rodriguez, Chad Qualls, Brad Lidge and Kerry Wood) deservedly do not have full time closing duties. However, for these pitchers to lose their Rolaids relief roles, they had to blow, on average, 5 – 7 saves a season. That’s a lot when you think about it. And even when some of these gentlemen blew that many saves, about half were still given the ball with the game on the line.
Expanding the pool, 26 pitchers recorded at least 10 saves from 2009-2011 and blew 10 – 14 opportunities. Of the 26, roughly 15 (Bell, Papelbon, League, Soria, Hanrahan, Madson, Rivera, Francisco, Betancourt, Street, Perez, Farnsworth, Feliz, Putz and Walden) are/would be full time closers today. Of the remaining 11, two are current closers (Broxton and Rodney) and the rest have largely been middle relievers or flamed out (Ryan Franklin and Bobby Jenks). Consequently, it seems that blowing 3 – 5 saves in a season isn’t at all detrimental (in recent history at least) to maintaining a hold on the closer position.
This is by no means scientific (neither is the usage of bullpens) as many factors contribute to relief upheaval. I do think it puts in perspective how often a closer needs to fail before he’s removed from the position though. For instance, just last year Walden (10), Marmol (10), Capps (9) and Kimbrell (8) led closers in blown saves. After them, Soria blew seven leads and Farnsworth, Cordero, Feliz, Santos and Nunez blew six. Of those, only Cordero (and potentially Nunez) could not get a job closing because of ability in 2012.
Check the bottom of the column for the BS meter, which will track blown saves for relevant relievers all season long.
Chicago White Sox: Poor Robin Ventura waited until the 14th inning to get his “best” reliever into the game. The White Sox had a two-run lead when Hector Santiago took the mound. He struck out the first guy he faced, but then surrendered a single to Eric Skarsgård Sogard who was followed by the mighty Cespedes who homered to left. Seth Smith and Kurt Suzuki singled back-to-back and Kila Ka’aihue brought home the winning run. At least Santiago was around the plate (15 of his 21 pitches were strikes)? Santiago is getting killed by the long ball (30% HR/FB rate), while posting a nasty K:BB rate (9.00). In addition, every single runner Santiago has allowed on base has scored. If Rolaids spells relief, that spells regression. Meanwhile Jesse Crain was unavailable because of an oblique injury, which isn’t supposed to be serious. I have faith in Santiago’s stuff, but not Ventura’s patience. I’d put my money on Addison Reed at this point, unless Crain is healthy.
Chicago Cubs: While Carlos Marmol has been horrendous (with as many walks as K’s this year), the rest of the Chicago Cubs bullpen has been even worse. There’s no silver lining to Marmol’s stats as his FIP and xFIP are right in line with his wretched ERA. That said, it is just 5.2 IPs and the Cubs are going to keep throwing him out there to extract value and because they have no choice. At the end of Tuesday’s game, Dale Sveum said, ”He’s been pitching good. To me, that’s just a case of a 2-2 slider that one of the strongest guys in baseball hit for a home run. Did he do anything wrong or whatever? No, it was just another guy on the other side of the fence making a lot of money who does that quite often.” Marmol is and will continue to be the closer. So, basically, there’s no reason to handcuff or speculate here.
Washington Nationals: Brad Lidge has two blown saves, a 5.14 ERA and a 2.00 WHIP. Meanwhile, Henry Rodriguez has been near perfect (0.84 WHIP). However, Rodriguez has been working around a pretty ridiculous walk rate (six batters in 8.1 IPs) and has a .059 BABIP. At a certain point, the fairy tale will end. In addition, Davey Johnson keeps saying he’s going to throw Lidge out there in the ninth, vertigo and all. I’d rather own Rodriguez, he’s just better, but there’s no reason to drop Lidge yet.
Cleveland Indians: Chris Perez is awful, that is what is known as a baseball fact. Another baseball fact? Perez is the anointed closer. He has seven saves and as long as he keeps his blown saves down there’s no reason for the Indians to do anything. He’ll likely have to blow a few saves in a row or somehow get to 5-6 blown saves before the All Star Break to be in danger of losing the job. Meanwhile Vinnie Pestano is straight dirty and own-able just based on his nastiness (11 K:BB rate). However, it’s unlikely Pestano finishes with double digit saves, barring a Perez injury. If you desperately need saves, you might have to look elsewhere (Houston [Wilton Lopez], Oakland [Fautino de los Santos, Brian Fuentes]).
Baltimore Orioles: Orioles fans can breathe a sigh of relief as it appears Buck Showalter realized Pedro Strop is the second best reliever on the squad. If you own Jim Johnson and are a hand-cuffer, Strop is your man. Strop has paired impressive K-rates with high walk rates throughout his career but also gets a good bit of ground balls (a double play can mitigate a walk pretty quickly). He’s capable of a 3.85 ERA with 65+ K’s this year. Strop is, at the moment, just a handcuff as he’ll only get save chances when Johnson has the flu. Although, apparently, Johnson is still at the hospital having tests on what might be a bacterial issue, so Strop could have a few days as closer.
Boston Red Sox: While his return to the bullpen was momentary (for the time being), Daniel Bard reminded folks of how dominant he can be as a reliever (he entered the game with one out and a runner on third and didn’t allow the runner to score). Meanwhile, Alfredo Aceves is 3/5 in save opportunities and sports an astronomical 18.00 ERA and 2.75 WHIP. Andrew Bailey is on the 60-day DL and out until July. Aceves has some rope here given the rest of the bullpen is really bad. However, a couple of poor starts from Bard and an implosion or two from Aceves could get Bard in the closer seat. If you’re speculating here, grab Bard. He’s the only arm I’d be happy owning in the situation and, apparently, he was available in relief Wednesday night.
St. Louis Cardinals: From 2009-2011, Jason Motte had eight blown saves with just 11 conversions. Of course, for the majority of that time, he wasn’t actually a closer. Still, it does demonstrate the short amount of time Motte has actually been holding the role (heck, he hasn’t even been pitching that long, as he’s a converted catcher). Motte suffered his first blown save on Monday and sports an ugly 4.05 ERA. He is walking a few too many batters, but has a great K-rate and is really suffering from allowing all his HRs early in the season. There’s likely little to be worried about here even though Marc Rzepczynski started the ninth against the Chicago Cubs (he was facing a lefty) Tuesday. Rzepczynski promptly gave up a tying HR any way.
Toronto Blue Jays: With Sergio Santos on the DL, Francisco Cordero assumes a role he’s familiar with. From 2009-2011, Cordero recorded 116 saves and only blew 17. That’s the third best differential during that time frame (behind Heath Bell and Mariano Rivera). Of course, that was in the National League and Cordero has been anything but automatic this season. Cordero had a 1.91 K:BB rate last year and is sporting a 2.00 K:BB rate this year. He is being hit hard in the early going (20.8% LD rate, .360 BABIP) and will experience some bumps in the unforgiving AL East. Even if Cordero somehow turns into a lights out reliever (something he hasn’t been since 2007), Santos will get the job back once he’s healthy. The Blue Jays brought Santos in because he has the stuff to compete in the division. He’s their future at closer and they need to make it work now when the stakes aren’t very high. Cordero is a fine short-term speculation, but he’ll go back to trying to get holds when Santos is healthy. Santos will be out for about a month, even though an MRI showed no structural damage.
New York Mets: Frank Francisco has put up one ugly superficial stat line so far: 7.36 ERA, 1.77 WHIP. He has been walk happy so far (issuing 4 free passes in 7.1 IPs), but has, at least, maintained a solid K-rate. In addition, his strand rate (46.2%) and BABIP (.375) have done him no favors. Still, when healthy, Francisco is a solid reliever. He’ll rebound to put up a 3.30 ERA, 1.25 WHIP and 60 K line at the end of the year. The only reason to own Jon Rauch is for potential Francisco injuries.
Kansas City Royals: Unlike Grey, I’ve been on the Jonathan Broxton bandwagon for awhile now, believing the Royals would want to do all they could to turn Broxton into a trade-able commodity. So far, Broxton has a 2.50 K:BB rate and is averaging 95.7 MPH on his fastball, a similar rate to 2010, which saw him post a 4.01 ERA, 3.01 FIP and 3.20 xFIP. Broxton’s current ratios will mirror his end of the year line. He’ll probably even strike out 60+.
The Yankees got bested by the team that gave Adam Jones away in a chump trade. I mean, yikes with a side of damn. I could even see adding seven a’s into that damn for good measure. Michael Pineda is done for the year with a torn labrum, which only sounds like an injury that a female gymnast would get. Mariners threw him for 340 innings in 2011 and then traded him to the Yankees for their best prospect. Hey, Yankees, say hello to your mother for me! Pineda sounds like he’s done for the year. This is good for teams that drafted him, but had an “Only one Pineda per team” clause. For all other teams that drafted him this isn’t good news. Drop him like a hot Pineda. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ryan Zimmerman – He’s gonna try to hit on Thursday. I kinda hope it goes badly, and I own him. Here’s the scenario I see happening if it goes well: He returns on Friday, reinjures himself and then really needs 15 days from Saturday. At least if his hitting session goes poorly, the Nats can backdate his DL stint. Yes, I’m hopeful for a DL stint. Yes, I’m Googling his address so I can have a “word” with him.
Jim Johnson – Headed for more tests as the doctors try to figure out what’s wrong with him. “His peripherals look terrible, but he has so many saves. Hey, why are we looking at box scores on an X-ray light box?” That was the doctors after the first round of tests. Pedro Strop is the pick up for the time being. Hopefully, Strop isn’t short for closetastrophe.
Shin-Soo Choo – Sat on the bench last night as Shin-Soo Healthy, Hamstring-Soo Not.
Ike Davis – Dropped to 7th in the order, which is terrible for his value. This was only surprising to me because, no matter how bad Davis has been, for the life of me I couldn’t think of six hitters better than Davis in the Mets lineup. Hairston? Tejada? Really, Seth Myers?
Lorenzo Cain – Had a setback with his groin. Pain…Sugar! Sounds like he’s not coming back for at least another week.
Sergio Santos – Out for at least 4 weeks. Could easily lose Santos until July. That’s just me being real with you. See, the truth is, everyone wants to know how many saves Cordero is gonna get or what closers I’m still cool with. Cordero could get more saves than Santos this year. If Cordero’s unowned in your league, then your league’s abandoned. Makes me wonder why you’re reading this, but love your dedication.
Carl Crawford – Headed to Dr. Freeze with a sore elbow. Looks like Crawford found a new joint to stink up. Anyone know if Carl has to be with me if I go to City Hall and have his last name changed to Crawful? No word on how long he’s going to be out, but I’m sure Dr. Freeze will find something to sideline him at least two months. We shall see. Or not. Your choice.
Pedro Alvarez – 3-for-8, 2 RBIs, 2 runs as he hit two homers and a double in the doubleheader. I told you 18 months ago that he was gonna break out! Excuse me if I’m just too cutting edge for you.
Aubrey Huff – To the DL with an anxiety disorder. At least someone is feeling guilty about taking Brandon Belt’s playing time. Aubrey just needs some good male bonding time with his old college teammate, Pat Burrell. “Anxiety’s just another name for you need to get laid more.” That’s Pat Burrell’s motto.
Juan Nicasio – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks as he battled James McDonald, who threw seven innings of 1 hit ball with 8 Ks and 3 walks. Even though this game and their seasons so far tell the opposite story, I like Nicasio better than McDonald. As a commenter said the other day, maybe it’s because Juan’s last name makes me think of my grade school watch calculator. In the end, I wouldn’t say either are necessarily must-starts in shallower mixed leagues.
Jhoulys Chacin – 5 IP, 5 ER vs. the Pirates. Still holding him after I told you to drop him the first week of the season? How’s that working out for you?
Corey Hart – 2-for-3 with his sixth homer. SIX HOMERS, WHO KNEW? Well, Al Caps, Corey Hart owners maybe. His family– I WAS BEING RHETORICAL.
Carlos Gomez – 2-for-5, batting .371. I’d say he’s a hot schmotato, but the Brewers aren’t playing him anywhere close to every day.
Jose Altuve – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI. Rudy’s poster child is having a nice breakout as he bats .377 on the year. Oh, and I was using the alternate definition of “poster child.” Rudy literally dresses his child in Altuve posters. Rudy also talked about him in this week’s podcast (you know, the one where Corbin Bernsen was a guest).
David Freese – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. You know how someone punts 3rd base in your league and gets lucky with one of their flyers? Whoever drafted Freese looks like that guy this year.
Lance Lynn – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Now has an ERA of 1.33. Yeah, I told you to pick him up before the season even started, but I don’t need another notch in my belt; I’m skinny.
Bryan LaHair – 1-for-4 with a solo homer. Did you know I have French ancestry and my family name was once LaBright? Totally not a true story. I own LaHair (above my LaLip) in an NL-Only league and he’s fighting it out with my cougar for my love. The LaHairness is racing for mixed league value, and I’d want to be the one to own him.
Trevor Cahill – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER which comes after a 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER effort. Can’t wait for his next 5 IP, 4 ER start. I keed with your fantasy feelings. In most leagues, I’d try to hold onto Cahill; I think he’ll be better and he only has a 3.70 ERA; it’s not like he’s Scherzer’ing all over your team.
Jarrod Parker – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. How was that debut? How about sparkerling? Yes, I’d pick him up. Yes, in your league too. I just went over my Jarrod Parker fantasy the other day. I wrote it while sitting on top of a crescent moon with an umbrella drink.
Alex Liddi – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Being the one major leaguer that was born in Italy has its drawbacks for Liddi, after a base hit in the sixth, he peered across the diamond to his third base coach giving signs and thought he was flipping him off.
Jason Hammel – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. Has close to a K/IP, a 1.00 WHIP and a 1.73 ERA. I’m officially on board, but there’s one problem. Or caveat if you’re Latin. His next start is in the House They Built Across The Street From The House Ruth Built. I want no part of that start. So if your league is a bunch of vultures, grab Hammel now and bench him. If you think you can get Hammel even if he pitches well at New York, then let him sit on waivers for a week.
Kyle Drabek – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. I’ve said to pick him up for, like, three straight weeks. I’m moving on now. You do what you do, I’ll do what I do and we’ll let our probation officers figure out the rest.
Chris Sale – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. I like Parker this much, but I like Sale this much. I was holding my arms further apart for Sale.
Hector Santiago – 1/3 IP, 3 ER, giving up a homer to the Cuban raftee, Yoenis. What the H. Santiago? About two weeks ago, I said Santiago wouldn’t make it out of April with the closer job. Well, his ERA is 8.53 and literally everyone in their bullpen is better. I mean, no shizz here, everyone. I think Reed will end up getting saves at some point, but Thornton’s been solid and he has that ever elusive closer experience gene that MIT is currently trying to grow in a Petri dish for the Red Sox. If I had to guess, and that’s what I’m doing at this point, I’d pick up Thornton first. If he’s gone, I’d speculate on Reed. If Reed’s gone, make me a Denver omelet. Oh, well. I tried.
Omar Infante – 2-for-4 with his 5th home run. Infante has as many homers as Stanton has RBIs. FMFBBL!
Billy Butler – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. This was the first time he heard “what a pair” and didn’t blush.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks. Ubaldo won the award yesterday for the most fantasy owners looking to drop him. I think it might be the right move too. I’m tilting in that direction. I would put him on my bench in most leagues and see what he does next time out.
Angel Pagan – 1-for-5 with a home run. He has 17 hits in 17 games played. Mr. Obvious, “He’s averaging one hit every game.” He also has two homers in the last 5 games. I’m not saying he’s a hot schmotato yet, but he’s on the brink of it. Right now, he’s been in the microwave for eight minutes and he’s still a bit too solid when you stick a fork in him.
Brennan Boesch – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in 3 games. Pick him up immediately! Seriously, don’t make me explain it to you. If he was dropped, grab him. Now.
C.J. Wilson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks. I think I got some funny looks by ranking Wilson as high as I did in the preseason, but I’d take him over Haren at this point. Yeah, I said it.
Vernon Wells – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer as he bats .239. If he hits two more homers by next week and raises his average to .260 (which would only really take, like, two 3-for-4 games), I’m gonna mention how I told you to draft him in the preseason. If he doesn’t do one of those two things, we’ll once again go back to never mentioning that I ever suggested you draft him. Hey, at least I’m honest with you about my hedging. Bee tee dubya, he has 4 more homers than Stanton. I’m crying right now, please look away. Hey, my tears are wiping Stanton’s name off my Trapper Keeper. What does that mean? I wish I had a pint of ice cream and… Why isn’t Lifetime playing Bride Wars!?
Let Kate Upton know that Philip Humber is now allowed entrance into the Perfect Club as he retired 27 straight Mariners (here’s a tip: don’t get too close to Dallas Braden in the sauna). That’s only the 21st perfect game in history – surprisingly, as you would’ve thought at least that many pitchers would have thrown perfect games against the Mariners last year. Kudos to those of you who streamed, Humber. A few of our comments on Saturday went like this, “Grabbed Humber for a stream cuz there was no one else, then dropped him before I even realized he pitched a perfect game.” Nice Humberbrag! Before you feel too proud of yourself for being the first to pick up Humber, just remember that the last two guys to throw a perfect game in the AL are Dallas Braden and Mark Buehrle. The only difference between those non-dominating lefties and Humber is that Humber throws right handed and his first name is what I used to call the guy at the gas station when I was a jerky teenager. You know, I gave him an aptronym. Consider this perfect game less a reminder to pick up Phil Humber, but more a reminder that it’s generally a safe bet to stream a pitcher at Seattle. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Marlon Byrd – Traded to the Red Sox as the player to be named later for an old bet between Epstein and John Henry. Teach Epstein to say, “I bet in eight years the greatest band in the world will be Hoobastank.” Marlon Byrd is a marginal power, not great speed guy that has more real world value, like everyone who’s ever been on The Real World. Think 12 homers, 5 steals. If that excites you, take your meds, you’re excited too easily.
Michael Bowden – The once interesting prospect pitcher went the other way. You can take that both ways, i.e., he’s no longer interesting and he’s headed to the Cubs (and presumably middle relief). I wouldn’t be surprised if Epstein knows something that we don’t know (okay, probably a lot of something) in regards to Bowden, but for now there’s nothing to see here.
Tony Campana – Finally, we’re done with real world value where things matter like bill-paying and not getting annoyed when someone refills the toilet paper so it unrolls under. Put it over so it rolls out! *breathe, Grey, breathe* With the trade of Byrd, Campana was recalled and started in center yesterday where he went 1-for-2. Campana can steal 30 bases in 300 ABs. He’s crazy fast. He just ran into your cubicle, refilled your toner and ran out without you seeing him.
Jarrod Parker – Fat Jonah announced that Parker will be called up by the A’s for Wednesday’s game. Last year, Parker was pretty pedestrian, but that might’ve been him still regaining his control from Tommy John surgery. I just thought of something: If I had something that was terminal and got to “Make a Wish,” my wish would be to have Tommy John surgery performed by Tommy John. If Parker strikes out over 8 per nine as he’s done in the minors, gets ground balls and regains his control, he’s the best starter you’re picking up off waivers right now. If he fails to translate his Ks and ground balls, then you have an A’s starter that could roofie you.
Jemile Weeks – 0-for-4, now batting .197. Where’s your manners, Jemile? If he were sucking this bad, Rickie would at least have the decency to get hurt.
Alfredo Aceves – I had this friend from high school, let’s call him Brian, cause that was his name. Brian got a job at a hot dog place that served the best chili I’ve ever had. So Brian got a job at this hot dog place and decided to start putting pubic hair into the chili. Word spread pretty fast and the hot dog place that was there for 25 years was out of business within 6 months. Alfredo Aceves is my friend Brian and that chili is the Red Sox’s closer job.
Daniel Bard – Seems slightly crazy that everyone, except the Red Sox knew Bard should be in the bullpen, but now he’s there. He just went from K to F or M. It might be temporary as his start was rained out, but I’d still grab him in the non-sexual way.
Roy Oswalt – Red Sox and Cards are reaching out to him to pitch for them. Razzball got an exclusive peek at the negotiations! “Roy, have you ever heard of my friend, Benjamin Franklin?” The negotiator pulls out a hundred. Oswalt shakes his head. “Maybe you’ve heard of my friend, John Deere?” Oswalt perks up.
Sergio Santos – To the DL with what I’m calling, “I told you not to draft him in the preseason!” Grab Francisco Cordero immediately. Though, I imagine unless you’re in a league with yourself and nine teams you own under different aliases, he’s gone. Though II: The Return of Though (that the critics dubbed: Why do they keep making Though’s): If you’re in a league against nine of yourself, I appreciate you still reading Razzball even if you might not need quote-unquote advice.
Francisco Cordero – Got the ugly save yesterday after giving up a run. Hey, it’s like he’s been closing all year!
Danny Duffy – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners (5 BBs), 5 Ks vs. the Blue Jays. Kinda felt this start coming. Still like Duffy’s promise, but he looks about as safe to own as Filthy Sanchez and Hochevar. Imagine the sun is made of walks and their wings are made of Ks.
Wei-Yin Chen – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. Ugh, just having a real hard time advising to pick up O’s starters, especially one that had declining Ks before coming to this country. I’d let someone else gamble.
Giancarlo Stanton – He says his knee is better. From his mouth to God’s ears… Which I guess is him talking to himself.
Nick Swisher – Had a lovely time in Boston. 5-for-9 with 2 HRs and 7 RBIs. Then the lemon butter dill sauce on the Dover Sole at Legal Seafood effectively masked the spit flavoring added by Chef Sully.
Mark Teixeira – M-Teix usually likes Aprils as much as Garfield likes Mondays but May seemed to come a fortnight early this year. After hitting his 1st HR of the year on Thursday, Teixeira hit 2 HRs and a double on Saturday – including an opposite-field HR as a lefty. Our little M-Teix is all May’d up.
Michael Pineda – Had a setback during his rehab, which Girardi deemed “not good.” I’ll add “indeed.”
Adrian Beltre – Adrian’s rocky relationship with his hamstrings continues as he strained one on Saturday. Beltre is headed for an MRI on Monday, and I wouldn’t be surprised if his hamstring says some wet blanket bullcrap like, “It’s suicide. You’ve seen your leg, you know how fragile it is….you can’t run!” Then the hamstring complains at Whole Foods when it has to pay full price for a Coppola wine.
Josh Hamilton – 3-for-3, 1 run, 2 RBIs and a slam & legs. Can’t he party with Kinsler and some 19-year-old girls in a bathroom stall every preseason?
Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 5 ER with a 11+ ERA on the year. To rope fantasy baseballers back in, he’s due for a six unearned run, twelve walk no-hitter.
Frank Francisco – The closerousel continues as Frank Frank gets the dreaded vote of confidence. When a manager, says someone is still their closer that gives them about five days before they’re no longer the closer. I’d pick up Rauch, but wear back support he looks heavy.
Daniel Hudson – To the DL with a shoulder impingement, which is the worst kind of after-start ‘ment a pitcher can get. He’s without a timetable; that’s a nice way to say, “Shizz just got real.” The good news, the MRI revealed no structural damage, but the MRI was at 2-for-1 Ruby Tuesday’s happy hour yesterday. Between Hudson and Collmenter, the Diamondbacks’ stalling on you-know-who just got accelerated. If you don’t know you-know-who, hint: he’s the next blurb.
Trevor Bauer – The Bauer countdown has officially begun. Or said again with a whisper scream as he’s distracted because his daughter is in danger. Scott has Bauer 9th on the top 25 fantasy baseball prospects list. There, he compares him to Lincecum. I think he meant that as a compliment. In 12 team mixed leagues, it’s time to start stashing Bauer. I think he’s up within the month, but could depend on Hudson.
Gerardo Parra – 2-for-4 with a slam & legs. And here we thought it was Krispie. The D-Backs’ centerfield position is an unknown location in Tibet with mystical powers.
Brennan Boesch – 1-for-5 with his 2nd homer. I feel the tide starting to go out on Boesch in the comments. I get it, he’s been terrible so far, but in most leagues I’d try to hold out. He’s in such a great spot in a lineup and Leyland Ron Popeil’s his lineup about as good as anyone.
Drew Smyly – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks. Okay, you have to own him at this point. He has nearly a K per inning and a 1.13 ERA. I do think the bottom could fall out at any time. Or at least fall relatively back to earth.
Kyle Blanks – To have season-ending surgery on his shoulder. He didn’t blame the injury on carrying around David Eckstein in a bjorn.
Anthony Bass – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Hodgepadre!
Juan Francisco – Homered yesterday as he started at 3rd. Too bad Glass Chipper isn’t due for a setback for another three days.
Jon Jay – Heading to St. Louis for tests on his shoulder. No word if he’s being transported by Clydesdale, but I think that’s the only method of transportation in St. Louis, so maybe it’s implied.
Kyle Lohse – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. Kinda excited for May just so I don’t have to keep talking about this schmohawk in a positive light.
Andrew McCutchen – Batting .351 in the three hole and has 2 RBIs on the year. Guys and (4 ladies), your Pittsburgh Pirates!
Ryan Zimmerman – He was scratched on Saturday (aaah…) and then Sunday was rained out, but he expects his shoulder to be up to snuff for Tuesday. Bob Crane would say that’s hot.
Chad Billingsley – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the Astros. Look in the mirror. See that person? They got sucked in by Billingsley.
Freddy Sanchez – Will start Monday his rehab, I said, “Whatever, whatever, whatever.”
Cliff Lee – The Adverb is off to the DL with an oblique injury following his 10 inning scoreless start. Little known fact – Jack Morris had to ice his moustache for a solid week after that memorable 10 inning World Series start. ObLeeque had a strained abdomen with the Mariners in 2010 that cost him a month – hopeful Lee this will be limited to missing 3 starts.
Chris Narveson – Chris Capuano 2.0 looks done for the year with a rotator cuff injury. On the bright side, he now has more time to sell insurance to the fine folks of Punxsutawney.
Surprisingly, the dust has settled a few places and some of the riskier closers (Frank Francisco, Jim Johnson, Grant Balfour, Fernando Rodney (wtf?), Javy Guerra, etc.) have gotten off to good starts. That said, there’s still a dash of turmoil in Boston, Chicago, Detroit, Miami, Toronto and Washington.
Boston Red Sox - Mark Melancon is out of the picture and Alfredo Aceves looked great in his last save outing, so there’s a chance this situation is settling after a tumultuous start. That said, in leagues where every save and handcuff is owned, Vicente Padilla is worth a look. He hasn’t made many relief appearances in his career, but has been excellent so far in 2012, posting a 4.00 K:BB rate. It wouldn’t be shocking to see him take a similar turn as former teammate Brett Myers did in 2007 on his way to 21 saves. In addition, I’m continuing to lessen my stance that Daniel Bard ultimately ends up with more saves. Bard looked damn good in his first start of the year on Tuesday. If he can throw 160 innings of that quality, it’s the right move.
Chicago Cubs – I firmly believe that Jed Hoyer and Theo Epstein want to extract as much value from Carlos Marmol as possible and that only can happen if he’s the closer. Consequently, unless he becomes utterly dreadful, I don’t expect him to lose his role. Furthermore, I’m not worried about his production. He should be right at the top of the closer heap in K’s and get plenty of saves. His ratios will do some damage, but that’s about it. If you’re in a deep league and feel like speculating, just go right past Kerry Wood and look to Rafael Dolis, a popular dark horse. Dolis, just 24, was signed eight years ago out of the Dominican Republic. Hi career began as a starter, but he transitioned to relieving last season at AA. In 72.2 IPs, he had a 1.37 K:BB rate, 3.22 ERA and 1.32 WHIP. Dolis hasn’t seemed to master his control but does have potential to be a high leverage arm in the pen. That said, unless Marmol is traded, his time probably isn’t 2012, but keep your eye on him in dynasty leagues.
Chicago White Sox – So far, so good for Hector Santiago, as he is perfect in save chances. While he allowed a HR in his last inning of work, he had one of those cushy gooshy 3-run save opportunities. Robin Ventura made his first real decision giving the ball to Santiago and Santiago’s retro John Franco screwball, so he should have a long leash. He walked a ton of guys as a starter in AA last year (the highest level he’s pitched at in the minors), but, if he can harness his control, he can repeat Sergio Santos’s 2012. The door for speculating on Matt Thornton and Addison Reed will be nailed shut for the time being with two more save conversions.
Detroit Tigers – While he has recorded one save, Jose Valverde has been anything but automatic this season. He has given up four hits and a walk in 2.2 innings of work. Octavio Dotel is suddenly a very real handcuff in deep leagues. Nevertheless, Dotel is a flawed reliever as well and shouldn’t really face many left-handed batters. Valverde should have a long leash, but if you’re speculating, it’s best to get in on the ground floor.
Miami Marlins - Two appearances, no saves, two runs and a loss for Heath Bell this year. While it’s early, Bell has been on a downward trajectory with him losing 1.3 MPHs off his fastball last season. Given his contract and home ballpark, he should have enough of a cushion to maintain the closer role. However, if you can get equal value in a trade or “downgrade” to someone like Huston Street (while upgrading elsewhere), I’d certainly think about it.
Toronto Blue Jays - While Sergio Santos has labored on the mound lately (as Grey noted a few days ago), General Manager Alex Anthopoulos gave him a vote of confidence and evoked some small sample size rhetoric in a TV spot during the Jays game on Tuesday against the Red Sox. Santos was brought in during the offseason to be the closer and Anthopoulos seems to be a process driven guy, so Santos should have a reasonably long leash. There will be some hick-ups throughout the year as he faces stiffer competition in the AL East (competition that takes pitches and is willing to watch a called third strike in late innings), but Santos has good stuff. For what it’s worth, the Blue Jays let Ricky Romero finish off the win against the Red Sox on Wednesday (of course he was straight dealing). Romero walked the first two batters he faced and Santos was told to get warm in the bullpen. Adrian Gonzalez hit a long fly off Romero that allowed Jacoby Ellsbury and Dustin Pedroia (the tying runs) to tag and advance to second and third. That was Romero’s last pitch and Santos came in. Santos struck out Kevin Youkilis and got a weak grounder from David Ortiz.
Washington Nationals – It’s a shame that good news for Dr. James Andrews means bad news (initially) for fantasy baseball managers. Drew Storen has been the latest to visit Dr. Andrews after experiencing pain in his throwing elbow after a simulated game. This could spell a much longer disabled list trip than originally thought. Brad Lidge, who has been darn effective since his horrific 2009, likely has the pole position for the closing role. However, manager Davey Johnson will continue to switch off between Lidge and Henry Rodriguez until there is clarity on how long Storen will be out. It’s possible the hottest hand at the time will claim the saves. Lidge has the track record, eau du veteran and has pitched the best in a small smattering of innings. Own both, if you can.
