Fantasy Baseball Advice

We continue our 2012 fantasy baseball rankings with the top 20 2nd basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball.  There’s no 2nd baseman in the top 10 for 2012 fantasy baseball.  At least by my calculation.  Some ‘perts are putting Cano in the top 10, but I see him just outside of the top 10, but then again 2nd base is packed to the rafters with production.  It looks deeper than the 1st basemen pool and I’m only being half-facetious.  It’s like all 2nd basemen slept at a Holiday Inn last night.  There’s 15 guys I would take and if I had a middle infield spot on my roster, I’d definitely look to put a 2nd baseman in there.  As with the previous ranking lists, tiers and my projections are noted.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball:

1. Robinson Cano – See the top 20 for 2012 fantasy baseball for Robinson Cano’s projections.

2. Ian Kinsler – See the top 20 for 2012 fantasy baseball for Ian Kinsler’s projections.

3. Dustin Pedroia – See the top 20 for 2012 fantasy baseball for Dustin Pedroia’s projections.

4. Dan Uggla – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Utley (or Cuddyer, if he has eligibility).  I call this tier, “I see good value.  Draft one.”  This tier name sounds like I’m a handicapper for horse races.  Gambler’s Ruin is great on mud, put all your money on him!   Member when Dan Uggla was hitting, like, .180 and it was July and you were like, “Screw this, homie!  I’m going gangster on my team and trading Uggla for an Obama Chia.”  Then your neighbor saw that getting dropped off at your doorstep, stole it and Uggla went on to hit in like 40 games straight.  Nothing ever works out for you, huh?  Now I’m Worried you left on the oven after drying your pantyhose.  (That Twitter feed is a friend’s.  You follow now, thank you.)  Uggla wasn’t quite the hitter we saw during his hitting streak (no kidding!) but he isn’t a sub-.200 hitter either.  Or is it eyether?  Let’s call this whole thing off!  Wait, he is a 35 homer hitter.  I’ll take that and a box of Ding Dongs!  And, no, box of Ding Dongs isn’t a new Timberlake/Samberg song.  (Yes, that’s two days and two ding dong jokes.  My cup runneth over with ding dong jokes.  I am the ding dongiest!)  2012 Projections:  90/35/105/.250/3

5. Howie Kendrick – Sometimes when you go out on a limb, the limb breaks and you fall on your ass.  That might happen with Kendrick in 2012, but I’m going all in.  From 2010 to 2011 in 18 less games, he went from 10 homers to 18 homers and struck out more.  His HR/FB rate was high and he’s injury-prone.  It points to flukey.  I see a guy with 15 homer power, 15 steal speed, 100 runs and 75 RBIs potential that should hit around .290.  It’s okay, but what puts me over on him is he’s in the prime of his career so he should max out his power and look like Pedroia at a cheaper cost.  Oh, and one thing that’s been criminally under-reported, the Angels added Pujols.  You think someone would’ve talked about that.  2012 Projections:  100/18/70/.290/15

6. Brandon Phillips – Joey Votto’s gonna win the MVP and Brandon Phillips is going to be hoisted onto Jay Bruce’s shoulders next October with the team dedicating their World Series victory to their former pitching coach, Dick Pole.  Just so they can see people on Twitter snicker at his mention.  That’s how I see things playing out.  Phillips won’t be their regular season hero; he’ll be a piece.  The wily vet that plays 150 games a year and gets all those counting stats and has some power and speed that people credit more for their clubhouse leadership.  Whatever, B.P. is still greasing up some decent stats for his position.  2012 Projections:  90/20/85/.275/17

7. Chase Utley – Nah, he’s not winning the MVP again.  Well, I guess anything’s possible if he’s wearing one of Ryan Braun’s Ed Hardy t-shirts, but it seems like the best is behind him like J. Lo.  Then throw in you have no idea how long Ryan Howard is going to be out, then throw in Utley’s inability to stay healthy, then throw in his pomade, then throw in a leprechaun’s toenail and the steam that rises from the brew you threw all that in reads, “Utley should be avoided.”  Now what if I said I didn’t agree?  He’s never had a season of 120+ games where he’s been useless.  Granted, getting to 120 games has been an issue, but we knew going into last year he wasn’t going to be right.  When he did come back, his speed was fine.  Like he was never hurt.  His power was off, but so was his homers per fly ball.  His average was off, but so was his luck.  He’s going to get you 2nd to 3rd round numbers at a much cheaper price than he usually is.  BTW, if he’s bad this year, his career’s in trouble.  I think he knows that too.  2012 Projections:  80/20/85/.280/15

7 1/4. Michael Young – Only has 14 games at 2nd so he may not have eligibility in all leagues.  To see Young’s projections go to the top 20 1st basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball.

7 1/2. Michael Cuddyer – Only has 17 games at 2nd base, so he gets a half ranking.  To see Cuddyer’s projections go to the top 20 1st basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball.

8. Ben Zobrist – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Weeks.  I call this tier, “Others are taking these guys before me.”  I really don’t like Zobrist.  His stats are just too flaky for my tastes.  One year he hits .297 then .238 then .269.  Then he hits 27 homers then 10 then 20.  “Hey, fella, how about you just hit 17 homers and stop confusing Grey?!”  That’s you in the first row behind the Rays’ dugout because you’re protecting my honor.  Thx, btw!  (Don’t you love when someone abbreviates thanks as thx?  Gee, thanks so much for showing me your appreciation by almost writing a WHOLE SIX LETTER WORD!)  I’m ranking Zobrist later than most ‘perts because I don’t want him, but if he fell to me I would take him because he seems like he’s capable of a 15/15 season.  Plus or minus 15 homers and steals.  Yeah, he’s all over the map.  2012 Projections:  75/17/90/.255/17

9. Rickie Weeks – Stop me if you’ve heard this before– Stop!  I haven’t said anything yet, Random Italicized Voice.  I’ve heard, “Stop me if you’ve heard this before” before.  Here’s the games played for Weeks over his career — 96, 95, 118, 129, 37, 160, 118.  Throw out 37 and 160 and on average he plays in 118 games.  Or maybe that’s the median.  Or the mean.  I don’t know.  What I do know is he can’t stay healthy.  He can repeat his power output from last year and chuck in about 10 steals if he’s healthy, but that “if” is the size of Gilbert Grape’s mom.  2012 Projections:  65/18/50/.260/10

10. Danny Espinosa – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Kelly Johnson.  I call this tier, “Shine’s off these guys, but I like them.  Even if they might hit .240 collectively.”  At 24 years old, Espinosa hit 21 homers and stole 17 bases.  That’s the good news.  The very good news is he can hit more homers and steal more bases.  The so-so news is it might not be much more of either.  The bad news is he hit .236.  The not good or not bad news is his luck was neutral.  The “Is this really even news anymore?” news is Espinosa won’t ever hit for much of an average without luck.  The last bit of news is I’m not wearing pants.  2012 Projections:  80/24/90/.240/19

11. Aaron Hill – Here’s what I said towards the end of last year, “Hill looked to be an average issue hitter that could at least give you power.  Not this year.  His power completely evaporated.  Oddly enough, he doubled his line drive rate from 2010 and lowered his K-rate.  In short (which I only say after going long), Hill’s season made no sense.  Seriously, I can’t make heads or tails of it.  Yes, even in hindsight it’s not 20/20.  It will take some brass ones to go all in on Hill again next year, but I’m leaning that way right now.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Now, looking at Hill, I’m still no cyclops with a monocle.  What we do know is he hit .315 in Arizona in the 33 games after he was traded.  It’s something!  I don’t get where those 21 steals came from last year, but if it was some kind of deal with the devil, he forgot to specify to leave his power alone and the devil duped him.  You duping devil!  2012 Projections:  70/18/80/.265/15

12. Kelly Johnson – After a trade that sent Hill to the D-Backs and Johnson to the Jays, these two will be forever linked.  Or just for right now in the rankings.  Either way, let’s pretend we’re in the first semester of our junior year of high school and we’re taking the SATs.  The final question will send you to either Brown or nowhere because you refuse to have a safety school.  Question:  In 2008, Kelly Johnson hit .287.  In 2009, he hit .224.  In 2010, he hit .284.  In 2011, he hit .222.  What will he hit in 2012?  You know the answer; Brown’s within reach!  You say he’ll hit around .280 and… You’re wrong.  You then go on a 15-month bender that finds you waiting tables on an over-60 cruise ship and making out with grandmothers.  His good/bad alternating averages don’t mean anything, except it does tell us it’s not out of the realm of possibility for Johnson to hit something respectable.  2012 Projections:  80/20/70/.265/14

13. Jason Kipnis – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Ackley.  I call this tier, “Sleepers or guys that are overdrafted depending on how smart your leaguemates think they are.”  What I mean by the tier name is in leagues with people who prep the day before and just fly by the seat of their pants, this tier probably won’t be that known unless you’re in Cleveland, Seattle or Oakland.  In leagues where owners started prepping last November, there’s giant flashing lights on this tier’s players to the point where people will probably reach for them way too early.  As for Jason Kipnis, I already went over my Kipnis 2012 fantasy.  I wrote it enclosed with a giant heart on a bathroom stall.  2012 Projections:  80/14/60/.255/12

14. Jemile Weeks – Member when 2nd base was a speed position?  Was before Bret Boone started frosting his hair.  All of these 2nd basemen that are on the scene today probably idolized Boone and his frosted tips.  They probably even went as far to emulate him and frosted their hair too.  When Jemile frosted his hair, his classmates probably called him Sisqo, which is downright embarrassing, so he decided to rebel against the power 2nd baseman and work on his speed.  Or not.  Simply a theory.  Weeks reminds me a bit of Luis Castillo.  That takes some air out of your Jemile Weeks balloon, huh?  Hey, Castillo had some good years.  2012 Projections:  90/3/50/.265/30

15. Dustin Ackley – I’m having a real hard time understanding the hype on Ackley.  To the point where I’m not drafting him unless he falls pretty far.  He’s never hit more than 9 homers at any level of professional ball or stole more than 8 bases.  Granted, these were abbreviated seasons, but he’s also going to be playing his home games in a terrible hitting park.  I’m gonna let someone else take the chance that he shows his ceiling of 15 homers and 15 steals while expecting he shows something closer to… 2012 Projections:  80/12/55/.265/12

16. Ryan Roberts – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Beckham.  I call this tier, “Post-hype and no hype guys.  I guess I’ll draft them, but they’d have to be super cheap.”  Ryan Roberts reads to me like a Ryan Ludwick/Casey McGehee-type.  Never considered much of anything, then they explode on the scene at a late age, then they return to Back To Wherever You Came From-ville (which has higher real estate prices than I’m So Outta Here-ville cause of the influx of has-beens).  There should be a glossary term for these type of no hype players that only have one good year.  Suggest in the comments.  2012 Projections:  55/13/65/.245/15

17. Neil Walker – This guy isn’t far off from Ryan Roberts.  They’re pretty much flip-floppable (Made Up Word of the Day!).  But since Roberts just came off a better season, I put them in this order.  Could see Walker outperforming him in 2012, but not by much since Walker doesn’t have huge power or speed.  Not that Roberts does either… Whatever, I don’t like either, stop arguing with me!  2012 Projections:  70/12/80/.270/7

18. Gordon Beckham – Something that hasn’t been reported (or at least by me) is:  Could Ozzie leaving town have a positive impact on some White Sox players?  You know, the guys that he used to ball-bust.  I wouldn’t be shocked if Beckham comes around as a post-hype sleeper just to prove Ozzie wrong.  Am I betting a whole lot that that (stutterer!) is gonna happen?  Oh, hells no!  Beckham just came off a season where 21% of all of his fly balls were infield pop-ups.  That’s terrible.  In my opinion (and, really, if you don’t want my opinion, you’re probably reading the wrong site), a hitter can’t make worst contact than an infield pop.  By drafting Beckham, you’re basically saying that his last two years were a fluke and he’s going to fix everything.  Put the chances of that happening in one hand and the chances of it not happening in the other hand and you have two empty hands.  Can’t really weigh chances.  Maybe you shouldn’t have quit college to become a scale.  2012 Projections:  55/14/70/.260/5

19. Ryan Raburn – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Roberts.  I call this tier, “Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice and shame on you again.  I’m good at displacing blame.”  Bill James still believes.  He has Raburn’s 2012 projections down for 18/4.  Last year was the chance for Raburn to become relevant.  He’s going to be 31 years old for the majority of the 2012 season.  I got better things to do than draft a 31-year-old player who has never shown much of anything.  Not to mention, there’s been talk of him blahtooning with Ramon Santiago.  That’s nice, have fun!  2012 Projections:  40/12/50/.275/3

20. Brian Roberts – I’m sure Brian Roberts never thought he’d be passed on the rankings by a name that people used to mistakenly call him.  Here’s the world’s smallest violin.  Here’s me putting the world’s smallest violin on eBay.  Here’s someone Buying It Now for one cent and playing it just for Brian Roberts.  2012 Projections:  65/5/35/.260/12

After the top 20 2nd basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball, there’s a lot of names but these stand out, for better or worse:

Daniel Murphy – I left him off the top 20 1st basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball and that top 20 went to, like, 30.  Honestly, seriously, Cliff Lee, I can’t imagine drafting Murphy anywhere.  If he hits in the beginning of the year, you can pick him off waivers in most leagues as a hot schmotato.  2012 Projections:  75/12/60/.275/5

Sean Rodriguez – I almost feel the same way about Sean-Rod as I do with Raburn.  Go reread Raburn’s blurb in the passive voice.  The one positive on Sean-Rod that Raburn lacks is age.  Sean-Rod will only be 27 this April.  If there’s no one left on the board, I’d take the flyer and hope Sean-Rod does something.  His K-rate tells me he probably won’t.  2012 Projections:  55/14/65/.230/10

Jose Altuve – I haven’t written a Jose Altuve sleeper post yet, but my Magic Eight Ball says, “There’s a chance you write a sleeper post on Jose Altuve.”  When I bought this Magic Eight Ball in 1989, I never understood why it kept saying that.  In the minors, Altuve showed he could get to double digit power and low 20′s steal-speed.  I’ve seen worse.  You feel me?!  If you do, could you stop?  I hate looking at Astros hitters for anything other than which pitchers to stream against them, but Altuve looks like he could have some sneaky value.  Now to figure out why my Magic Eight Ball keeps telling me to write a sleeper post for Ken Griffey Jr. Jr. Jr.  2012 Projections:  80/12/40/.265/24 (<–crazy optimistic, but whatevs)

The man who looks like the man from Man Vs. Food’s father, Lance Berkman, is on a ginormous Kaiser roll.   Speaking of pastry, it’s not a coincidence that Lance Berkman’s initials are LB.  When he got to St. Louis, he asked the cabbie where the second arch is and why isn’t it painted gold.  If you think you have 2010 Konerko, you might.  But you also might have the 2011 Berkman, which isn’t nearly the player the 2006 Berkman was.  For Berkman, this is either a great month or it’s the beginning of a great year.  When dealing with a player on the downside of his career, I invariably go with the former, if the former is the first one where I think it’s just a great month.  At least when he was on the Astros, they could just play him at 1B so he didn’t injure himself in the OF.  It’ll take an apocalyptic event for that to happen in St. Louis.  I’d see if I could get someone to overpay believing this is the beginning of the beginning not the beginning of the end.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Ryan Theriot – He’s like a non-Aybar, Erick Aybar.

Danny Espinosa – You know I kept getting questions about Espinosa in the comments and I never put it together that he wasn’t owned in that many leagues.  In ESPN leagues, he’s only owned in 13% of leagues?  Huh?  He’s going to be a top 12 2nd baseman.  Sure, that’s like being the soberest Irishman, but still.  Here’s a refresher on my Espinosa fantasy.  I wrote that post in a hammock in Pago Pago and a homing pigeon delivered it back to Razzball HQ.

Darwin Barney – I have a confession to make.  The middle infidel who loves dinosaurs is on two of my teams.  So far, those teams aren’t doing well, but there ya go.

Jed Lowrie – You know what P. Diddy & Dirty Money would say about Jed, “‘Ain’t No Stopping Us Now,’ that’s Lowrie’s song.”

Aaron Harang – Know what I like a whole lot?  Chilled glasses.  And Hodgepadres.

Tyson Ross – I’ll know how deep the leagues are that should grab him after today’s start.  “To be continued…” as said by Vincent Price.

Alexi Ogando – Yes, the start in The House They Built Next To The House Ruth Built wasn’t pretty, but you gotta give him a little more leash than that.

Justin Masterson – I like Masterson.  You can search the site for info on him.  On sorta his last name’s subject, what do people think of a Razzball t-shirt that reads, “Fantasy Baseball, Something To Do Between Masturbation Sessions?”

Scott Baker – Rudy said earlier today he’d prefer Baker to Liriano.  That hurts me soul to read, Lupe Fiasco.  But if you’re eating what Rudy’s cooking…. Or is that baking?

Matt Capps – “He ain’t no handcuff, he’s the hand closer, essa.”  Said a’la Edward James Olmos.  Not entirely sure why Edward James Olmos is saying that but my family is in town for the holiday and they’re making me a little daffy.

Mitchell Boggs – After Boggs’ save, he rode a horse around Yankee Stadium and ate fried chicken out of Margo Adams’ bosom… You know, I think I’m clicking on the wrong Wikipedia page– I am!  Okay, Mitchell Boggs got the save and could get more.  Worth the pick up but there’s no guarantee he’s going to be the go-to guy.  We’re dealing with La Russa, after all.

Jon Rauch – SAGNOF!

Frank Francisco – SAGNOF²!

Kyle Farnsworth – Doing pretty well and is owned in only 41% of ESPN leagues, but since 60% ESPN leagues are already abandoned that’s 101% of leagues owning Farnsworth, so surely he’s taken in your league.  And don’t call me, Shirley.

David Freese – Liked him last week and this week it’s just 7 days later, which sounds like lyrics for a country song.

Mark Trumbo – Well, you can get on board until Kendrys returns, right?

Danny Valencia – Sounds like the name of a dancer on Dancing with the Stars that gets stucked with Loni Anderson or somebody.  “Valencia just roped a single down the line and… What’s this?  He’s salsa dancing to first.  Wow!”  Valencia’s kinda bleh but he’s currently hitting.

Jeff Francoeur – I liked our Tuesday afternoon post that talked about Frenchy.  Wasn’t bad, right?  (I also liked Monday, Wednesday and Thursday’s.)  But I feel like mentioning Jeff not simply because he’s hit a few Freedom Flies so far this year, but because there was something between the lines at that post that had to do with having Frenchy for the whole season.  Talking about what he’s going to do all year.  That’s cool, I get it, but let’s not forget he’s a fifth outfielder.  Get on board now and worry about that rest of the season shizz later.  If you get a solid 2 weeks from him then someone better comes along, what Frenchy does in August doesn’t matter.  And, for what it’s Wuertz, the French take August off. (And you thought I couldn’t write hundred words about Frenchy… Ha!)

Matt Joyce – Hitting almost .500 over the last week.  Now you’re getting your acclaims, Joyce.

Jerry Sands – Like Rudy this morning, I too thought Jerry was black.  Who knew he was like the Caribbean and white Sands?  Any the hoo!  I just went over my Sands fantasy.  I wrote it while standing on the Las Vegas Strip smacking escort flyers into my hand.

Peter Bourjos – Similarly to Espinosa, sometimes I think people read Razzball every day and retain all this shizz, so when I get questions about Bourjos it confuses me.  Do I like him?  Since January.

SELL

Ike Davis – I’m not saying to drop him (well, in some leagues maybe), but I’d definitely look to see if I could get anything in a trade for him after last night’s homer.

Sean Rodriguez – Yeah, I pushed him on people in the preseason, but garbage calls on Tuesday to have Sean-Rod picked up.

Alex Gordon – Our on-again, off-again romance lasted for five years (and felt like 45 years, as that sentence seemed to read) and as soon as he started to show signs that he liked me, I want no part of him.  I’m such a girl!  His walk rate is at 3.8%, K-rate is near 20%, his BABIP is at .426, he’s hitting well but his average will plummet to .275 at some point.  When he’s hitting .275 and has 17 homer power and 12 steal speed, he won’t look half as pretty.  I wouldn’t sell him for a Nicki Minaj record, but I would explore my trade options.

Jordan Walden is replacing Fernando Rodney as the closer for the Angels.  The Angels decided to drop a guy with two first names for a guy with two last names.  Makes sense – you start a game with a guy with two first names, you close a game with a guy with two last names.  (No bullpen backup plan for you, Jeff Francis!)  (Oh, and don’t forget Charles (Jeff) Nelson Reilly in middle relief.)  Walden should be owned in every league that counts things like saves.  Seems like a Neftali-type situation.  Walden has to lose the job back to Rodney.  Fernando can’t win it back by just being good (as remote as that even seems).  By June, Walden can be a Donkeycorn and never look back.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Kendrys Morales – Took BP.  Where?  To court for the oil spill?  *rereading news report*  Oh!  Batting practice.  That’s a good sign.  If someone lost patience with Kendrys, I’d buy him for sixty cents on the dollar.  No more though, he could be a setback away from missing another month.

Hank Conger – Homered in his first start of the season.  Here’s what Stephen said about Conger, “He has above average bat speed and contact.  His plate-discipline is stellar but his defense is still marginal at best.  I don’t see the Angels giving him much of a chance catching.”  And that’s me quoting Stephen!  Conger’s in a tough spot for playing time; Scioscia loves Mathis like a fat kid loves cake.

Sean Rodriguez – 1-for-3 with his first homer.  This comes after Maddon announced Felipe Lopez would see time at 3rd while Longoria’s out.  Sean-Rod pissed off the baseball gods in another life because he just can’t get guaranteed playing time no matter where he is.  Oh, and on a real baseball note, the Rays don’t look good.  That is all.

Madison Bumgarner – 3 IP, 3 ER vs. the Padres.  When the only hitter you need to pitch around is Nick Hundley, you kinda should beat the team… Or at least get out of the fourth inning.

Aaron Harang – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Before the game, Tony Gwynn announced the arrival of a brand new Hodgepadre.  Then Tony ate a hot fudge sundae while watching a videotape of his old at-bats.  Pretty unsexy name, but the Harangutan is worth starting at home in every league until he no longer is.

Mike Leake – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Before you run out and pick him up, this was against the team Ed Wade’s Toupee put together that is currently 0-4.

Mike Stanton – Pinch hit yesterday, but is supposedly not starting until Friday with his hamstring strain.  The real sad emoticon in this whole thing is he had leg issues in the spring so hopefully this won’t be an ongoing issue the whole year.

Gaby Sanchez - 2-for-5, hitting .444 on the year.  I wouldn’t defrost Ted Williams head just yet, but he’s hitting well.

Anibal Sanchez – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks.  It’s not Dirty Sanchez, it’s not Filthy Sanchez, it’s Unsanitary Sanchez.

Ryan Zimmerman – 1-for-2 with his first homer and he’s hitting .364.  Member when you wouldn’t draft him because he wasn’t playing in Spring Training?  Oh, you.

Mike Morse – 1-for-4 with 3 Ks, now hitting .154.  I’d say he’s not hitting righties, but he’s not hitting lefties either.

Brandon McCarthy – 8 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks vs. the 1927 Blue Jays.  What I’m thinking with McCarthy is Beane, as played by Brad Pitt, hasn’t had much luck in the last few years, so McCarthy is gonna pan out.  I think that’s confirmation bias, but I don’t feel like going to Wikipedia to look it up.  Either way, that’s a marginal ‘keep your eye on him, but don’t pick him up yet.’  (Sorry, you now have to read the rest of this with one eye.)

Conor Jackson – 2-for-4 as he hit 3rd.  He’s like totally recovered from Valley Fever, as if.  BTW, he’s a backup outfielder as of right now.  Yes, a team is very good when they have a backup outfielder batting third.  /sarcasm

Brian Fuentes – Out with a blister.  The A’s manager hopes Fuentes can go Wednesday.  Fantasy managers that own Fuentes aren’t sure what to hope for.

Alex Gordon – 3-for-5 with his first homer (in possibly 4 years, or maybe it just feels that way).  After he hit the home run, fireworks went off… In my heart.  He’s batting third and hitting; ask questions later, just pick him up.

Alcides Escobar – 1-for-5.  Whoopie-doo, I know.  But he stole his 2nd base.  Last year, it took him until May 29th to steal his 2nd base.  Oh, it’s on.

Yovani Gallardo – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Rudy picked him to win the Cy Young.  In the preseason, I ranked him 10th overall for all starters.  If you’re reading this, you probably own him.  Yay us!

Carlos Gomez – Benched for Nyjer.  And that’s how quickly a major league manager can realize a player sucks at baseball.   Oh, well.

James McDonald -  4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I gotta be honest, my heart wasn’t fully into this guy as a potential late round bargain.  Pirates pitchers are arghuably the worst in baseball from 1 through 5.  In most competitive leagues, I’d hold McDonald for another start, but start making other plans.

Kyle McClellan – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I’m eating whatever Dave Duncan is cooking.

Cole Hamels – 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Drop him!  I keed.  He had a 5.28 ERA last April and still ended the year with a 3.06.  As they say in Vegas about the shoe, you gotta deal with it.

Chris Young – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Was so cute the way the giraffes at the Bronx Zoo all gathered around the TV to watch this start.  I liked Young when he pitched for the Padres, and Metco isn’t that bad, but his fastball has been trending down for four years and he works up in the zone.  9 baserunners in 5 and a third like yesterday isn’t great.  You can pick him up, I wouldn’t.  I.e., You do what you do and I’ll do what I do and we’ll be fine.

Josh Tomlin – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I believe Josh Tomlin was a child actor on an 80′s sitcom.  I wouldn’t pick him up, Willis.

Josh Beckett – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Sticking with the newly established Josh theme, I don’t love Beckett to bounce back from last year.

Barry Enright – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Uncle Barry was babysitting the baby bears and they went wild.  BTW, Barry Enright vs. Andrew Cashner sounds like a match-up in the Greater Westchester County Dental Tennis league.

Andrew Cashner – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Pitched beautifully until he left the game with tightness in his shoulder.  Accidentists happen.

Tyler Colvin – 1-for-3 with his 1st homer of the year.  It’s about time!  Oh, wait, it’s less than a week into the season.  Eh, you probably dropped him already.

Jhoulys Chacin – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Another pitcher I told everyone and their pedophile uncle to draft.  Hope you had the peanuts to start him in Coors.

Chris Iannetta – 1-for-3 with his first homer and he’s hitting .444 on the year.  I saw someone ask the other day in the comments if they should drop him.  Didn’t you just draft him?

Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Not bad vs. Texas.  But, hey, listen, he’s a rookie, it’s not going to be all peaches and cream in the champagne room every start out.

Willie Bloomquist – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and a steal.  Justice has been served!

Juan Miranda – 1-for-3.  Kirk Gibson announced Miranda would get the majority of the starts to see what they have in him.  Finally, a manager that makes a smart decision.  Miranda’s worth a flyer in leagues 14+ to see if he can not only stick but make good on some of his promise.

Justin Upton – 1-for-4, I wish Justin and B.J. had a brother named Wes.  Wesssssupppppton!

Mark Teixeira – His fourth homer.  He attributed his newfound early season success to not sleeping since last October.  This message was sponsored by Red Bull.

Alexi Ogando – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  A… O… A’ight!  He left with a blister.  Probably because he was throwing heat.  He won’t be in the rotation for long, but you have my permission to grab him while he is.

Aaron Hill – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs.  I think I heard mumblings in the forums or the comments or somewhere that Aaron Hill is already a bust.  Um, they’ve only played four games and he’s hitting cleanup for the 1927 Blue Jays.  Chillax.

Jose Bautista – Out because of a personal matter.  I’m guessing he’s in Russia killing people for Ben.

Many things have changed since December when we kicked off the 2011 fantasy baseball sleeper posts.  For one, the date.  For two, some of these guys are no longer that sleepery.  For three, hut-hut-hike!  As long as you don’t reach too far, sleepers can make all the difference on your team.  You’re not grabbing a sleeper in the first round.  You’re not like, “Hey, Swiggy Cabrera, you go threaten death on the shot girl, I’m going with Juan Miranda.”  You should have a solid foundation in the first eight to ten rounds, then mix some sleepers in after that.  If you click on the names for these players, there’s entire posts about some of them with their 2011 projections.  It’s magical!  Anyway, here’s some sleepers for 2011 fantasy baseball:

Shaun Marcum – Member back in December when he was first traded and I started raving about him?  We were younger back then and you had more hair.  Also, Marcum was still sleepery then.  Now?  Not so much.  Seems like everywhere I look people are abuzz with excitement over Marcum.  Assuming you don’t pay too high of a price, he can still have value.

J.P. Arencibia -  When I say punt catcher, you say Arencibia… Punt catcher… Arencibia… Punt catcher… Arencibia… Punt middle infielder… Arencibia… Gotcha.

Chris Iannetta – I refuse to write a sleeper post on him for fear it might jinx him, but I will continue to talk about how I won’t write a sleeper post on him for fear it might jinx him hoping that doesn’t jinx him.  All aboard as the logic train is leaving the station!

Mike Minor -  Wanna hear me make an outlandish prediction?  Of course you do, you love when I sound like a damn fool.  Minor will be a top 20 starter this year.  If I’m right you win, if I’m wrong you win.  You’re welcome.

Tim Stauffer – I love me some hodgepadres. (I also love telling girls who are walking dogs on the street, “You have a really nice poochie,” but I mumble poochie like I’m Sling Blade so they think I’m saying something else.  So, ya know, you might want to think twice about listening to me.)

Edwin Jackson – Here’s the limb, here’s me out on it with Edwin Jackson.  Don’t too many of youse come out too, shizz ain’t that sturdy.

Daniel Hudson – Here’s another one of those examples of guys that I was touting at the end of last year as a potential sleeper for 2011 and now we have a bunch of company.  Hey, use a coaster!

Edinson Volquez – I’m anticipating a ton of comments after Edinson’s first blow up about dropping him.  He walks people, you have to remain patient.

Sean Rodriguez – He’s either going to break out in the non-acne way or he’s going to go between ownable and non-ownable in most mixed leagues.  Honestly, I’m not sure yet which one it’ll be and anyone that does know is a time traveler or Mayan.

Ryan Raburn – Father, I have a confession.  I wish Raburn stole 7-10 bases so I could label him Mini Mini Mini Donkey.  But he can’t carry that torch and, besides, who needs him to have that baggage?  If Raburn has 2nd base eligibility in your league, go all-in check raising to the bettor.

Alcides Escobar – Last year, Willie Mays Hayes without the steals.  This year, steals.

Ian Desmond – It’s pretty odd when you have a guy you label a sleeper last year perform and he still ends up a sleeper the following year.  Are the Nats that bad to invest in?  Probably, but you can put away your checkbook and just draft Desmond.

Aaron Hill – Practicing my best Saberhagenmetrics, I think Hill is going to make his owners this year happy and really piss off everyone who owned him last year.

Brandon Morrow – I hate that he’s on Rudy’s risky pitcher post, but it seemed like a given.  Morrow is not the bill of good, consistent health.  He’s probably one injury away from being a Bennis Carpensheeter.  But his stuff is nasty.

Justin Smoak – Another guy that is probably waiver wire fodder in most mixed leagues.  I’m okay with that, I’ll write the Buy/Sells every Friday like usual and tell you to pick him up when he’s hitting.

Peter Bourjos – I imagine the only trueheads that will be drafting Bourjos are those in AL-Only leagues.  That’s okay, I guarantee he’ll be ownable in your mixed league too.

Drew Stubbs – Guy has a real basebally sounding name, huh?  Drew Stubbs plays baseball; that’s what Drew Stubbs does.  To preemptively strike against at least four comments, Stubbs is being drafted 156th at MDC.  A) That’s too late.  B) That’s why he’s a sleeper.  C) What C?

It’s always good to look at spring training numbers to give you an idea what you can expect from guys during the season.  They’re facing the top pitchers who are all displaying their best stuff.  No one needs time to get warmed up.  No one’s trying new pitches or getting a feel for the ball.  They are at the height of their game in March.  In fact, I think someone should propose to Bud that the World Series could easily be played in March.  Yes, The March Classic.  I like how that sounds.  Since these spring training numbers mean so much, I decided to look at some players in March:

Sean Rodriguez – Has 6 homers while batting .460.  Forget Sean-Rod, how about Wow-Rod?!  Am I right or am I right-right?!

Dana Eveland – Absolutely sparkling so far with a 1.23 ERA.  He’s barely beating hotshot, upstart… Really Madlibs in any enthusiastic adjective for Rodrigo Lopez with his 1.64 ERA.

Justin Masterson – 29 Ks to 6 BBs.  Thank you, Lord, the walks have finally found their way out of his dazzling repertoire.

Corey Hart – On the sad emoticon front, Hart is hitting .127 in the spring.

These stats are from 2010 Spring Training.  That’s right.  You fell for the oldest trick in the book, mon.  These are not from 2011.  A real beauty pageant of names, right?  Seriously, please stop looking at spring stats.  Dana Eveland went on to post a 6.79 ERA in only 54 and a 1/3 IP, Rodrigo Lopez had a 5.00 ERA in 200 IP and Justin Masterson had no luck with walks and threw a 4.70 ERA.  Corey Hart had his best season after an awful 2010 Spring Training while Sean Rodriguez had only 9 homers over the course of the whole season.  Spring stats mean nothing.  You should only be looking at who’s healthy, who’s winning position battles and who’s winning rotation spots.  The rest is meaningless.