Friends, neighbors and Razzballians, this is the last Closer Look of the season. Sure, I’ll talk about closers during the roundups in the last month, but no more rankings that become dated usually about an hour after I post them. The sadness!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I was like, “Yo, Grey, you gotta do a Closer Look, like, last week so everyone knows what is the haps on closers!” Then I was like, “After the trading deadline, which I went over in Toto, not a whole lot changes.” Then I was like, “What is “the haps?” The happenings?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Madson hit the DL and some Bastardo took over, Broxton is a bastardo and Guerra is getting saves since Kuo can’t watch Lifetime without crying — assuming there are Dodger saves, Rauch was named the closer and Frank2 started getting all the saves, Lyon is out for the season and Melancon looks terrible, La Russa changed closers three times since you started reading this run-on sentence, Jordan Walden has been taking pointers from Fernando Rodney and Kevin Gregg actually moved up the ranks.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The questions have started about Heath Bell getting traded. I think there’s a good chance it happens. Well, Hair Lip, there goes his value! Not so fast, random italicized voice. I guess you have all the answers! Actually, I have questions.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Let’s quote the Random Preseason Commenter, “You don’t have Matt Thornton in your top 20 closers? Hey, Grey, how does it feel to suck at life? Oh, and while you’re sucking, blow me. Thank you.” This isn’t to point out I knew Thornton would be terrible, but to say again how fickle closers are.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Not that there’s anything wrong about being from NJ. Both Rudy and I are proud to be from NJ, though not in NJ. NJ ex-pats are great. We spread our love of high-haired women and capicola around the country. As for Jay Bruce, he’s sucking on the ol’ suckhole.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Around 7 AM on Sunday morning, my smoke detector started beeping every few minutes. Hungover, I rolled out of bed. I figured the battery was low, so I removed it and went back to sleep. An hour later, it started beeping again.Please, blog, may I have some more?
After a long, much-needed vacation, Friday’s Buy/Sell returns. Friday’s Buy/Sell, “I spent the better part of the last four months having my naughty bits lathered in Marshmallow Fluff.” *crickets* Friday’s Buy/Sell, “All right, let’s get to the post.” Brett Gardner hit leadoff on Opening Day.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Frank Francisco has a sore pectoral, Dotel has a sore hammy, I have a boo-boo on my finger. Who’s going to close for the Jays?! Rauch, and there’s no reason to scream. Brian Wilson lost his Smile and may miss Opening Day.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Neftali Feliz is now a starter. Or is he? Emphasis on the ‘or.’ Or is it on the ‘is?’ You’ll never know! Muahahahahaha… Yeah, I don’t think Feliz is going to be a starter. They got to the World Series the way things were, you change that?Please, blog, may I have some more?