Scott Sizemore

Grey

Jordan Is Real, I’m Syriaous

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 164 Comments

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While Ed Wade was sleeping off his hangover on Saturday, his Toupee decided to mix things up and actually give Astros fans something to be excited about.  (This is excluding Carlos Lee’s riveting chase to be the 83rd player with 350 home runs.)  The Astros number one prospect, Jordan Lyles, will take over Wandy’s rotation spot.  So the Astros bring up Lyles, but do I Lovett?  His K-rate has been pretty poor in Triple-A, but spots his pitches pretty well without overpowering–  Burp.  Sorry, meant to write gas, not pass it.  He’s not worth grabbing in most mixed leagues, but he’s the kind of guy that could be a game changer in NL-Only leagues where waiver wire adds are a mix of yawnstipating and down right atrocious.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Wandy Rodriguez – The Wandwagon fell off the tracks and heads to the DL with fluid in his elbow.  I wonder if the fluid is acai berry juice, that’s packed with antioxidants!  He should implant a straw into his elbow and drink it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

This Johnson Needs His Balls To Drop

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 385 Comments

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With 4 homers for Kelly Johnson, there’s still the Kelly Ka-POW, see?  With the 6 steals, he’s still running.  If you extrapolate those numbers out, it’s a 20/20 season.  If extrapolate is the right word.  From radio, to the video, to Arsenio… Tell me!  Yo, what’s the best case scenario for Johnson?  Last yeario, Phife Dawg.  That’s not happening this year though.  This is what currently is happening.  His balls batted into play are showing he’s been unlucky, so he’s pressing and his Ks have gone up and walks have gone down.  If a couple balls fall in front of fielders and Johnson gets on base, his confidence will rise and he’ll start being more selective at the plate.  His average will then rise and he’ll continue to hit for power and steal bases.  His average isn’t likely going to get up to .280, but a 18/15 year with a .250 average is still very possible.  That’s better than the current perception of him.  If he’s been dropped, I’d look to grab him.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Paging Buy’em. Mr. Peavy Buy’em

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 357 Comments

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Jake Peavy is due back in less than a week unless he has a setback.  That ‘unless’ eats deep fried butter with a side of blooming onion, needs a crane to go to the bathroom and a mop to clean its inner thighs.  I’ll admit Peavy makes me smize, as Tyra would say.  I smized more when he was in Petco, but he’s pitched well in his rehab.  Does he deserve another chance?  Sure, why not?  What, he kicked your puppy’s nads?  Now if anyone tells you what you can expect of him this year other than three more DL stints, they’re lying, those no good liars.  You take the flyer on him if he’s on your waivers just hoping he stays healthy and produces.  The rest is icing.  …Actually, I’m using the rest is icing cliche wrong.  If he stays healthy and produces, that is the icing.  Can you tell I wrote this when I was hungry?  Mmm…Deep fried butter.  Anyway, here’s some players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Vicente Padilla – I feel like one small point that’s getting lost in all of this Padilla talk is that he sucks.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Rhymes With Emotion, Sighs For Beckon Space

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 381 Comments

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Let’s all give Scott Sizemore a big “Welcome back.”  Well… Let’s give him a medium-sized “Welcome back…”  Screw it!  Let’s give him a quick “Hey” and a head nod like you give to your sister’s boyfriend that you can’t stand.  It’s not like he’s done all that much in his short time in the majors, but — and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but — who else are you rocking at your middle infidel spot?  Sizemore was hitting in the minors (.408/.495/.605 and 2 homers in 92 PAs).  It’s worth the flyer to see if he can translate minor league success to the majors.  Who knows?  Now that bin Laden’s listening to Gary Glitter’s Greatest Hits in hell, maybe Sizemore can get his bats through customs.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

David Freese – He’s gonna miss nine to twelve weeks.  Or the same amount of time it takes to get a 4-year degree from the University of Phoenix.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

A Black Domonican Outfielder That Even Torii Hunter Accepts

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 296 Comments

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This year in the minors Domonic Brown had a line of 62/19/64/.323/14 and .385/.580/.965.  Let’s recap, whoa/wow/nice/yum-yum/don’t mind if I do and yowsers/that’s lovely/yowsersthat’slovely.  To break that down for the people who skimmed the first two sentences, he has 20/20 potential with plate discipline.  It’s the fantasy baseball equivalent to:  “I don’t think this glazed donut can get any better.”  “How about we sprinkle bacon on it?”  Drool.  By my estimation (and Keith Law’s), he’s the number one prospect in the minors.  (Desmond Jennings is a close 2nd in my book that was rejected by Simon & Schuster.)  Either Werth will be shown the door or Philly fans will kidnap Raul Ibanez and toss him blindfolded into the newly-constructed Octagon in Citizens Flank’s parking lot.  Is Domonic Brown more trouble than he’s Werth?  No, I don’t think so.  Unless we’re talking about spelling his name.  I’d grab Brown in 12 team mixed leagues or deeper.  In keepers, you should own him already.  If you don’t, then now might be a good time.  Or now.  Or now.  Or… You get the point.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we head into the post, just wanted to say the Commenter and Razzball league standings were updated.  Anyway II, onto the Buy/Sell:

BUY

Alex Gordon – Is this the Alex Gordon that was called up three years ago after tearing up the minors only to flame out?  Or is this the Alex Gordon that is called up today that just got done ripping up the minors that will finally fulfill his promise?  I don’t know.  He crushed the minors this year — in 277 ABs, 14 homers, 8 steals, .310 average, .451 OBP and a 1.018 OPS.  He can be a 20+ homer, 15 steal guy over the course of a full season if he doesn’t get in his own way and the Royals give him every day ABs.  I would take a flyer on him for your corner infidel spot for the chance he finally makes good on the promise.  If you’ve heard this story before about Gordon, it’s because you probably have, so don’t drop anyone too valuable.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Callaspo Joins “Of Maicer Men” Cast

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 75 Comments

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Alberto Callaspo was traded to the Angels.  Exactly what the Angels needed, a light hitting infielder.  Oh, wait, no they don’t.  Why’d they get Callaspo?  To get Mel Gibson to be interested in the team?  Oh, wait, that was Apocalypto.  Anyone see that movie?  I like the part where Mel’s like, “I will slap the taste out of your mouth, Pocohontas!  So help me, I will rip your neck off!  Even if I have to go through a number of metal rings.”  Callaspo will help the Angels more than he’ll help fantasy teams.  He is what he is.  Light power, decent average, next-to-no speed.  The Royals will go with Wilson Betemit at third base.  Why are they not going with Mike Moustakas or Alex Gordon?  Because for whatever reason the Royals are punishing them.  If you can figure out the peasant Royals, you get a cookie.  I actually like Betemit if he’s the everyday 3rd baseman.  He has 4 homers and a .377 average in 61 ABs this year.  As for “Of Maicer Men,” I think Callaspo is more Lennie than George.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

David DeJesus – Slammed into the outfield wall when DeJesus was turning a Jeter out into a homer.  He’s listed as day-to-day, which is trade deadline code for “Please still trade us someone for DeJesus, he’s really, really healthy.”  In reality, he’ll probably be out for a while.  So, while Betemit might replace Callaspo, here’s a chance for Gordon to see some daylight.  We’ll see now how much sense the Royals make.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

All Your Bruces Belong To Us

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 647 Comments

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How dare you.  How dare you make me write a Buy for Jay Bruce.  Did you forget all our pre-draft love?  It’s less than two weeks into the season.  People need to chillax.  Here’s what Jay Bruce had to say to all his naysayers.  Jay Bruce could hit 7 homers in April.  Still.   Before he goes streaking, go to Marshall’s and buy him some pants.  You owe him that.  Bruce is one of those guys that I wish would slump for another two weeks, so I can trade for him even cheaper.  I will Mola Ram the Bruce right out of your team’s chest.  Then I will grab a fart and Nolan Ryan it right into your skull Robin Ventura-style.  As I cackle.  I will cackle loudly.  Hold Bruce, covet Bruce.  Don’t give up on Bruce.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we jump into the players, I need to make an announcement.  Our very own Rudy Gamble is getting married in a few weeks.  Sorry our three lady readers, the fro’s off the market.  So this weekend we’re in Vegas for his bachelor party and I’m his best man.  Yes, I got him a blow up doll to carry and a uber-realistic vulva skullcap to wear all weekend.  But that means I won’t be as close to a computer to answer comments until Sunday.  You guys need to help each other.  I know you can.  Make me proud.  Anyway II, here’s the post:

BUY

Jose Guillen – His last three Aprils –>  199 ABs  –> 25/7/25/.211.  –> Belch.  This April his burps smell like he just chugged some rose water.  I don’t think in October we’re going to have conversations about whether we can give Guillen an MVP even though the Royals lost a 100 games, but 30 HRs and a .280 average aren’t out of the question.  Also known as, what you were hoping to get from Ludwick.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2010 Baseball Predictions

| 2010 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Y to Z | 363 Comments

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Now’s the time when we put all of our 2010 baseball predictions in one place.  Then in October we can look back at this and laugh.  Oh, and we will laugh.  Big, bellowing, seat of your pants laughs.  Hindsight is indeed 20/20.  But where’s the harm in setting ourselves to look like jackasses?  We run a fantasy baseball blog, after all.  Grey’s picks in RED.  Rudy’s picks in BLUE.  Anyway, here’s our predictions for baseball’s post-season awards and whatnot:

AL Pennant Winner – Minnesota Twins – The Yankees would’ve been the easy choice here, but I’m a small market kind of guy.  Some would call me a hero.  Who?  I’m not sure.  Nevertheless!  I think Slowey and Baker have huge years, the bullpen is deep enough to take the Nathan blow and they have enough bats to beat the sorry AL Central pitching staffs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?