Yost would tell you that Holland is still the closer, but Kelvin Herrera should be the closer in KC. No, there’s no official closer change, but it’s obvious. You really only had to watch the last two games for confirmation, and Malcolm Gladwell would tell you to Blink. In his last game, Holland took the save to the very brink. Herrera had opposing hitters’ bats in the clink. In my daily diet, I eat mutton, it’s high in zinc. I call my therapist, Saran, and this is my shrink…rap! Sorry, I just mentally transported back to my days of Bum wine and roses when I thought I was black and I’d start freestyling. Every teenager who thinks they’re cool right now, so did I and now I’m a fantasy baseball blogger. Muahahahahaha… So, what I began saying was Yost can say whatever he wants on the Royals closer situation, but Herrera is the better pitcher right now, and he could be a Donkeycorn by the middle of May. I would continue to hold Holland, but Kelvin should be owned, as well. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Gird your loins – we’re currently navigating positions battles in each division. Today I’m talking about the AL West, which gains the Astros this year, if anyone considers them something you gain. Every other team in the division should stand to benefit from the move. Maybe I’ve already beat them into the ground, especially with my review of worst pitching staffs in 2012, but they really could have a season for the ages (of a fallen empire). Across the state, the Rangers should continue to be a powerhouse, despite Ron Washington’s “leadership.” Meanwhile, the Angels look like the terminator, although, once their non-Trout core ages a little more, maybe they’ll be merely human. Today’s empires, tomorrow’s ashes – am I right? I don’t want to say anything bad about the Mariners other than this sentence implying that I have something bad to say about them. Ah yes, and I’m required by the union of baseball writers to have a token mention of the A’s. There you go. Anyway, here’s some of the position battles to watch in the AL West:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dexter Fowler has been hotter than a junebug on the back of a furnace’s ass, or some other yokelism. Dexter? I hardly Fowler! Huh? In his last seven games, a .423 average and 2 homers. He’s not good for anything more than the occasional dinger, which only sounds talk between a wife and her friends. He is hitting on top of a lineup that puts up runs and he has speed. While he’s hot, I’d grab him everywhere. Don’t get left out in the cold. Remember you can’t spell Denver without Dexter envy. Or you can’t spell Dexter Fowler without DTF. That’s Doubles Triples Forget about homers.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This year Doug Fister has been a revelation like a Dorito in the shape of the Virgin Mary telling you it’s time to change your underwear. Mystically, making something out of nothing and turning it into a little something-something. 13 strikeouts yesterday?! Doode has never struck out more than 6 prior to this year. I never thought I’d say this, but I really like Fister and it hurts so good. Sure, I’m pretty easy. Strikeout some guys and I get all googly-eyed, but he now has a 2.64 ERA on the Tigers and a 3.17 ERA on the year with a 1.14 WHIP. Fister?! I hardly knew her! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Beltran – Missed yesterday’s game with food poisoning. You can call him Upchuck Beltran.Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know what they call three 4-baggers in New York? An A-Rod post-game party. It’s a good thing Clorox is headquartered in Oakland because Billy Beane is going to want to rinse his eyes with bleach after this game. Russell Martin went 5-for-5, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and 2 homers (one grand slam), Grandy hit a grannie going 2-for-4, 4 runs, 5 RBIs and Cano added in one of his own with 5 RBIs. A video of this game should be shown next time the issue of a salary cap comes up at the Winter Meetings. Russell Martin has 17 homers on the year. Even if all of them were Pesci Pole assisted, it would still be a solid year. Then throw in 8 steals and decent runs and RBIs, and it’s no wonder Alyssa Milano fields his fly balls. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jim Thome – Luckily, he got to enjoy his 600th home run on the Twins. What an event! Was like Geraldo Rivera finding a second bottle of whiskey. Thome continues his ride on the casino bus to the Indians. How appropriate. To continue the gambling comparison, right now the Indians are like the guy at the ATM taking out money he doesn’t have to double down on the Pass Line at a cold craps table. Hey, Indians, it was a good run, but you’re throwing good money after bad. Go grab a $9.99 steak dinner and bark obscenities at tourists. You’re not making the playoffs anymore. Thome’s not changing that. As for fantasy, Thome gives the occasional homer, not much else. Um, okay.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Steve Cishek got the save, but it wasn’t that cut and dry. Edward Mujica came in for the ninth for the save, but promptly gave up 2 runs. One person who was nowhere in sight was Leo Nunez and with only 17 people in attendance at Joe Robbie/Pro Player/Blockbuster/Dolphin/Sun Life/Whoever Ponies Up Money To Sponsor This Godforsaken Stadium, it’s not hard to find someone. As of right now, I’d grab Cishek and Mujica, in that order, but yesterday I thought it was the opposite, so it could change at any moment. Really depends on McKeon or how good his memory still is. “Let’s warm up Looper!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Javier Vazquez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks. From April-June, Vazquez looked like he should’ve retired. Or returred, if Ludacris is reading this. Or he looked down right turrible, if Charles Barkley is reading this. In July, he looked good. In August, he’s been great.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Trading season is upon us and Leo Nunez and Heath Bell could be out while Mike Dunn or Mike Adams could be in. And K-Rod is 5 minutes ago, according to Jessica Shaw. Every time Bell seems more likely to be traded first, Jeffrey Loria whips his checkbook onto the Marlins GM’s back to trade faster. Between Dunn and Adams, Dunn is less likely to get saves between him and Adams. Dunn’s chances skyrocket if he can bake McKeon’s favorite prune cookies or if he pushes Cishek down a flight a stairs. Outside of trading, Aroldis Chapman is nipping on Francisco Cordero’s heels, but don’t forget Dusty’s penchant to stick with his incumbent. On a related note, Ancestry.com revealed earlier this week that Dusty is a direct descendent of Jim O’Rourke, the manager of the 1883 Buffalo Bisons who once pitched Pud Galvin 656 1/3 innings in one season. Your best bet for saves is to grab Mike Adams, Dunn or Chapman, in that order. Or reverse order if you’re dyslexic. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Bobby Parnell – It’s all SAGNOF, all the time today, huh? Hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich and put the SAGNOF between your knees.Please, blog, may I have some more?
To discuss Francisco Liriano at Razzball HQ, I gathered the Random Italicized Voice, MR. AL CAPS and Larry King. After eating me out of house and home — “The selection was pretty meager. Freezer pops, really?” “NOT A THING TO DRINK,” “Anyone see where I put down my teeth?” – we talked about Liriano. He started off in the preseason in my top 10 starters for 2011. “That call looks as pretty as Rocky Dennis.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve given much love to Desmond Jennings already on this blog, and since what I’ve previously wrote still works, indulge me for a second, “Desmond’s time is nigh, a word that only sounds negative. DJ is currently on the ones and twos for top ranked MLB prospects. He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff. Dora the Explorer, Boots the Monkey and Swiper the Fox all wrapped in one! (What, not street enough?) If he reaches the top end of his ceiling, you’re looking at Carl Crawford. More likely, you’re going to open up this Crackerjack and get half a Carl Crawford. Say a Carlford. You ain’t got the Craw yet, kid!” And that’s me quoting me! In 2010, he swiped 37 bags with a .362 OBP in Triple-A. In only 57 games in Triple-A this year, 9 homers and 10 steals. Somebody gag Sam Fuld, put a gorilla suit on him and send him to Africa. We want Jennings. *fast-herpes-medication-side-effect-voice* Fuld should be benched any day now for Jennings’ call-up. Or in the next week or so. It’s worth the flyer for upside. If conditions persist for longer than 48 hours, call your doctor. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Dee Gordon – Gordon is so fast he just ran into Kitchen Stadium, spit on Michael Symon’s head, buffed it and ran out without Alton even noticing. I see no reason why you shouldn’t own Gordon everywhere for a few weeks to see if he not only sticks but steals some bases. For more on my Dee Gordon fantasy, see that link. I wrote it while picking out all the strawberry Dippin’ Dots from the Banana Split mix.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I read yesterday Brett Anderson might be headed for TJ surgery, which I believe is surgery done while a stray dog limps through the operating room… Wait, Googling TJ surgery. Oh, it’s Tommy John surgery, not Tijuana surgery. Silly me. “No, I don’t want any chiclets, I’m having a tumor removed!” That’s someone in Tijuana having surgery. Something’s wrong with Anderson, Tommy John surgery or not. He’s making a nice run to be included in the definition for Bennis Carpensheeter. I just have to add an ‘r’ and it’s Brennis; you follow, Anderson. I’m sure that’s his main concern. “You know, my career was going fine until I was included in the Razzball glossary.” That’s Brett Anderson talking to Bryant Gumbel’s head in a jar of formaldehyde on Real Sports in 40 years. I wouldn’t drop Anderson yet, but I get the sense it’s not too far away. Doesn’t anyone stay in one place anymore? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jemile Weeks – A’s are calling up their 2nd base prospect. Jemile, schlimazel… Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!Please, blog, may I have some more?