Fantasy Baseball Advice

After seeing Edwin Jackson pitch yesterday, I felt as happy as this guy on the inside.  I ran around my block yelling “Yuuuuupppp” like Dave Hester in Storage Wars.  I went to Coldstone Creamery and got a low fat sundae that had 2700 calories and I ate it (with extra jimmies)!  Yesterday, Jackson’s line was 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners and 13 Ks.  He’s now 2-0 with a 1.93 ERA and 20 Ks in 14 innings.  Giddy up, snitches!  Sure, like I tell my girlfriends, beware the small sample size, but I liked Jackson throughout the preseason.  Wanna see where I wrote my Edwin Jackson fantasy in sparkle dust?  Click on that link-a-ma-thingie.  Right now, Jackson is owned in 29.1% of ESPN leagues.  Even when you consider 40% of all ESPN leagues are already abandoned, it’s still too low.  BTW, if other fantasy sites tell you to pick up Edwin Jackson now, tell them to go eff themselves, Razzball told you back in January.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Lastings Milledge – White Sox designated him for assignment.  That assignment is to stop sucking.

Trevor Cahill – 8 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Blue Kays.  Here’s what I said in the preseason, “Makes sense that Cahill can’t even buy a K in his last name.  In 2009, Cahill’s K-rate was 4.53.  Last year, it was 5.40.  It’s a good trend but I’ll wait until 2012 when it’s actually up to something presentable.  No Ks is a than, but no thans.  He’ll probably have an ERA over 4.00 in 2011, but I’ll be generous and give him… 2011 Projections:  8-9/3.90/1.15/130″  And that’s me quoting me!  I’m still on board with all that.  His xFIP was high last year and his K-rate was atrocious.  Now the interesting thing about Cahill — and, yes, when I say interesting, I probably mean not that interesting — he had a solid K-rate in the minors.  If Cahill strikes out guys this year, I’d only rank it a 5 on a scale of surprising.  Or about as surprising as food poisoning from all you can eat sushi.

Ricky Romero – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Even though he pitches in the AL East, I’d own him because RR Cool Jay is doing it well.

Jon Lester – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  This was against the Indians, but Lester is a bona fide number one against any wahoos.

Fausto Carmona – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Carmona looked good which isn’t a compliment to him but an indictment of the Sox right now.  Somebody cover Ted Williams’ frozen head, he shouldn’t have to see the Red Sox like this.

Sam Fuld – 1-for-3, 3 steals.  To paraphrase Kanye, “Let’s have a toast for those that steal three bags…”

B.J. Upton – 2-for-4, hitting .364 on the year.  Not sure what it is, maybe he was getting cold there in Longoria’s shadow, but Upton is about the only Ray currently hitting.  (Yeah, I went from Kanye to Bette Midler in the matter of two blurbs.  You’re welcome.)

Esmil Rogers – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Member when Rockie pitchers were unownable?  That was sooooo 2009!  Rogers works with a mid-90′s fastball, slider, changeup– Wait, who am, Stephen?  Rogers should have a mid to high 7 K-rate and be in the rotation for at least a month.  If he impresses, the Rockies will leave him in the rotation.  In deep mixed leagues and NL-Only leagues, I’d grab him to see if you can ride the lightning in a bottle or whatever that cliche is.

Jon Niese – 4 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  His leash shouldn’t be crazy long, but this was a tough match-up.  You gotta give him a little more slack.

Wilson Valdez – 4-for-4, 3 Runs, 3 RBIs.  It’s always interesting to see how players react to the threat of everyday violence from their fan base.  So far Valdez has done okay in Citizens Flank, but I imagine that will end shortly.

John Axford – Everyone’s favorite closer to lose their job in the first week of the season now has back-to-back saves.

Shaun Marcum – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Not quite as dominant as I want to see him every time out *cough* like Edwin Jackson *cough* but this was a step in the right direction.  BTW, am I the only one who thinks it’s hilarious that the Brewers are playing Nyjer and Gomez at the same time?  Opposing teams just need to shine a flashlight onto a wall to get them to run off base.

Ian Desmond – Led off and went 2-for-5 with 2 steals.  Now 6 for his last 10.  Yeah, you probably shouldn’t have dropped him after three bad games.

Sam LeClure – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Doesn’t it seem like terrible pitchers do well on short schedule days?  Yeah, so that got me thinking… As many of you are aware, my IQ falls somewhere between brilliant and brilliantly stupid.  The technical term is “Hit or Miss.”  I wasn’t sure if this one theory I had was hit or miss, so I contacted frequent commenter, Simply Fred, like I was Tom Cruise contacting Ving Rhames to crack a safe.  I told him my theory — Hitters do worse on travel days (Monday and Thursday).  Simply Fred then went and did the ERAs for each day of the week. Turned out this theory was a miss.  There’s no correlation.

Scott Rolen – 1-for-1 with his 2nd homer.  Last year, 17 homers pre-All-Star break.  3 homers afterwards.

Alex Avila – Hit his 2nd homer in two games.  Now let the comments commence (say that fast 117 times!) about whether you should pick up Avila.

A.J. Burnett – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  If you ask me in the comments if you should start Burnett, I’m probably going to say no because I wouldn’t own him.  Or I’m going to say yes if you own him.

Adam Moore – Torn meniscus.  Simultaneously, the Appendix, Intercostal and Oblique scream, “Get in line!”

Adam Jones – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs, HR and a steal for the always delicious slam & legs.  Yesterday, I couldn’t believe I was getting questions asking about dropping Jones or picking up a dropped Jones.  Really?  After 5 games?

Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I hope this is because he had a short Spring Training.  I really hope so.  Do I think it is?  Yes, but I’m answering with my fingers crossed.

Nishioka Tsuyoshi – Fractured fibula.  No lie.

Luke Hughes – We have a new Aussie major leaguer.  Let’s hope he didn’t share a bed with this koala.  (Sorry, Snookie, that koala makes STDs look cute.)  Hughes hasn’t shown much power in the minors… or speed… or average, but he did hit well in Spring Training (6 homers).  I grabbed him in one league where I lost Nishioka.  As of right now, I would grab him in AL-Only leagues.  The inherent problem with Hughes is the Twins might just play Matt Tolbert.  And that’s The Tolbert Report.

As I’ve been saying for the last month, Neftali Feliz will be the closer and he doesn’t have syphilis.  Now stop experimenting on him!  Feliz shoots all the way back up to the top of the Donkeycorns and can/should/verb be the top closer in the game by the end of the season.  This also means Matt Harrison will be a starter.  And to that I say, “I enjoyed your work on Falcon Crest.”  Matt Harrison shall be now known as the Lone Ranger, as in he’ll be the lone Ranger that no one drafts.  Anyway, here’s some other fantasy baseball news:

Tommy Hunter – Suffered a groin strain.  I know too well about those!  Oh, wait, no I don’t.  *blushes*  Maybe they’ll put Neftali back in the rotation.  I’m kidding!  They’ll probably use Dave Bush.  Um, yikes.

Matt Dominguez – Out as the Marlins 3rd baseman so that leaves…. Drum roll, please.  Wes Helms, Greg Dobbs and Emilio Bonifacio.  Drum roller, “I can’t believe I’m drum rolling this crap.  I once drum rolled Fonzie setting a world record by jumping over 14 garbage cans on a motorcycle!”  My best guesstimate for playing time will be Wes Helms gets 300 ABs, Emilio gets 150 and Dobbs gets gobs of sunflower seeds stuck in his teeth.  It’s not a pretty blahtoon and should be avoided at all costs.

Chase Utley – Will start the season on the DL.  I imagine he will start May on the DL.  And June.  And July.  And… Well, you get the picture.  I wouldn’t draft Utley this year.  Not worth the ulcer.

Scott Rolen – Big injury wheel keeps on turning…Rolen, Rolen, Rolen hurt his fingers.  Rolen almost managed to get out of spring training without an injury.  He had to leave yesterday’s game after getting hit on the hand as he was unable to grip the bat.  Still TBD if this is serious but it didn’t seem like it was DL-worthy.  If it is, Juan Francisco likely makes the team and gets most of the starts.  (Please let Juan Francisco start for the Reds for our LABR team.  Reds-a-roni!)

Kevin Correia – Will be the Pirates Opening Day starter.  Correia?  Who is running Pittsburgh — Kim Jong-il?

Freddy Garcia – Will be the Yankees fifth starter.  We’ll see what Freddy Garcia shows up:  This one or this one.

Joe Nathan – As I said in Tuesday’s Closer Look, he’s been awful.  Wouldn’t be surprised if his job gets *pinkie to mouth* Cappsized, at least in the first few weeks.  Actually, here’s what I see happening.  Nathan gets torched and Capps saves a few games while Nathan works things out.  Then Nathan returns, gets torched again and, finally, the Twins send him to the Disgraceful List.

Lorenzo Cain – Melky Effin’ Cabrera is putting a hurt on Team Grey.  Looks like Cain is going to start the year in the minors.  And, even if he doesn’t, Melky’s locking up the center field job on the Royals.  Melky, I like your name, I do not like what you’re doing to Lorenzo Cain.  You’re on notice.

Cody Ross – The boo-boo on the moo-moo is going to have Ross shelved for 3 weeks.  Nate Schierholtz should see most of the time in right.  He’s pretty much waiver wire fodder in NL-Only leagues unless he’s hot.

Casey McGehee – Got hit by a pitch and was carted off the field.  X-rays showed he should be fine for the start of the season.  X-rays also found a misplaced remote control.

Justin Duchscherer – Orioles said he’d start the season on the DL.  Hate to be one for semantics, but I think they meant he’d spend the season on the DL.

Brent Morel – Will be the White Sox opening 3rd baseman, but he should be avoided in all leagues.  Though Morel does seem like a funghi!

Mike Minor – As reported here first after reading it elsewhere, Beachy will be the fifth starter.  Minor should change his name, aptronyms (Word of the day!) will get you every time.

Jair Jurrjens – Sticking with the newly established Braves starting rotation theme, Jar-Jar left yesterday’s game because of pain in his side.  Jar-Jar said, “Meesa tinks me side hurts me now.”  Braves are saying he’ll be fine for the start of the season.  Okay, but he’s injury prone and I think we see Minor and Beachy in the rotation before too long.

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu is going to start the year on the DL because he has stomach issues stemming from a slow digestive tract.  His body treats all food like maraschino cherries and gum.  Food for Franklin Gutierrez is like last season for the Mariners.  Difficult to digest.

We finish off the infield with the top 20 3rd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.  The 2011 fantasy baseball rankings from shallowest to deepest go catchers, shortstops, third basemen, 2nd basemen then 1st basemen.  That’s right, I think the 2nd basemen are deeper than the 3rd basemen.  3rd base gets the gas face.  In 2009, I punted 3rd base for Mark Reynolds late.  Worked out fine.  In 2010, I punted 3rd base for Ian Stewart late.  Didn’t work out fine.  In 2011, I really want a top 3rd baseman.  I ain’t mucking around.  As with other top 20 rankings, I list where I see tiers beginning and ending and my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball:

1. Evan Longoria – In the top 10 for 2011 fantasy baseball post is Longoria’s projections.

2. David Wright – In the top 10 for 2011 fantasy baseball post is Wright’s projections.

3. Ryan Zimmerman – In the top 20 for 2011 fantasy baseball post is Zimmerman’s projections.

4. Alex Rodriguez – In the top 20 for 2011 fantasy baseball post is A-Rod’s projections.

5. Kevin Youkilis – See the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball for Youkilis’s projections.  (Note:  He might not have 3rd base eligibility when the season starts, but he’ll get it soon enough.)

6. Mark Reynolds – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Casey McGehee.  I call this tier, “Where the hell are all the top 3rd basemen?”  If someone sees the top 20 3rd basemen, send them in my direction.  I went over the Reynolds fantasy move to The Big ‘More.  The gist of that post is he won’t be as bad as he was in 2010 or as good in 2009.  You go read it yourself, I only counted three tipos.  2011 Projections:  80/35/95/.235/12

7. Adrian Beltre – I went over my Beltre fantasy when he moved to the Lone Star state.  To be completely honest with you, before he signed with the Rangers, he was in the tier of players I’m avoiding.  His move bumped him up to a more attractive tier.  I’m sure his mother is proud.  2011 Projections:  80/24/95/.285/7

8. Michael Young – I’m worried that the bottom on Young’s power is going to drop out.  His HR/FB% last year came down from its high of 2009, but it can still come down further.  Then you throw in a guy who’s aging and still refuses to take a walk.  I think his career decline is going to come fast and hard.  Like a 14 homer, 3 steal season is around the corner.  2011 Projections:  85/17/80/.280/5

9. Casey McGehee – He’s more or less Pablo Sandoval with a bit more power and less average.  And that is the first time anyone’s ever been more Pablo Sandoval.  Usually they’re less.  Personally, I want power over average so I’d lean towards McGehee.  Plus, his average shouldn’t be terrible without some bad luck.  2011 Projections:  75/24/90/.280

10. Pedro Alvarez – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Aramis.  I call this tier, “I’m going all in on one of these guys if I don’t get an elite 3rd baseman because shizz gets drastic after these two.”  I already went over my Pedro Alvarez fantasy.  If I miss out on the top 3rd basemen, Alvarez is the guy I want in every league.  He is Julio Upsidiero for 2011.  He needs a fantasy sleeper post to really beat into your heads how much you need him.  (Yes, I’ve even thought about how scary it’s going to be being pot-committed to watching the Pirates.)  2011 Projections:  70/27/85/.260/3

11. Aramis Ramirez – I only like Aramis because I’m all out of Drakkar.  See what I did there?!  It’s cologne humor!  I like Aramis this year because he seems to be going pretty cheaply in drafts.  Is he suddenly going to hit 35+ homers again?  Sure, and just because you replaced your Mom’s name on your cellphone with Natalie Portman it means it’s the star of Black Swan calling you three times a day.  2011 Projections:  75/25/90/.280

12. Jose Bautista – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Sandoval.  I call this tier, “No, thanks.”  Anyone who is drafting Bautista is out of their flippin’ mind.  There, I said it.  I don’t even know how anyone’s drafting a guy who went from 13 homers in 113 games in 2009 to 54 homers in 161 games.  Doesn’t that just ring a bit weird for you drafters of Bautista?   His HR/FB% for his career is 13.8%.  Last year, it was 21.7%.  That’s absurd.  If you remove his best average month of July, he hit .242 in 471 other at-bats.  That was in his best season!  There’s still no warning signs?  How about the fact that once pitchers realized he was using a corked bat with Sammy Sosa’s signature on it, he hit .224 in September and October?  Still not enough?  Eh, go back and stick your head in the sand.  2011 Projections:  70/25/80/.240/5

13. Pablo Sandoval – You know who Pablo Sandoval looks like?  No, not Rerun.  He looks like a young Lyle Overbay.  I obviously mean, his stats look like a young Overbay.  High teen power, good average.  It’s a’ight, I suppose, but if he struggles out of the gate the Giants won’t extend his leash anywhere near how long they did last year.  2011 Projections:  70/18/80/.305/3

14. Placido Polanco – This tier goes from here until Rolen.  I call this tier, “There are so many more 3rd basemen that I don’t want compared to ones that I do want.” Went over Polanco’s projections in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.

15. Chase Headley – I actually recommended him last year.  Well, they’re not all world wide web gems.  I obviously forgot he plays his home games at Petco.  In 295 ABs at home, 3 homers and a .237 average.  Last year Luis Polonia hit better in the Sexual Predator League at Rikers.  2011 Projections:  70/15/85/.255/7

16. Martin Prado – Went over Prado’s projections in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.

17. Scott Rolen – Post-All-Star break he had 188 ABs and 3 homers.  That’s someone you should draft.  Maybe you can platoon him in and out with Troy Glaus.  2011 Projections:  55/15/70/.275

18. Ian Stewart – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until the end of the list.  I call this tier, “You have nothing here but upside. Meaning:  you may get nothing.”  I know, Ian Stewart buckled under the pressure of being nicknamed, Mini Mini Donkey.  It was a lot of brays to live up to.  So why do I still believe in him?  Because he really didn’t buckle under the pressure, he just didn’t get enough ABs.  With an everyday job, he’s a 25-30 homer, 5 steals and a .260ish average.  Of course, you might end up drafting Nadir Bupkis if Wigginton steals a lot of playing time from him.  Stewart will definitely see his share of the bench vs. lefties.  In this bear market of third basemen, it’s worth the flier on Stewart in the endgame.  2011 Projections:  65/22/75/.260/5

19. Chris Johnson – Is it bad when two of the bigger upside picks come from the Pirates and Astros?  Yes, yes it is.  Honestly, I don’t fully buy into the Chris Johnson fanwagon.  He arrived with little fanfare last summer, because he was kinda whatever.  He struck out 91 times in 94 games last year and I think Johnson’s pretty numbers are a small sample size talking.  (That’s what she said!)  But he is in his prime and has upside.  It’s worth a flier if you’re back against the wall.  2011 Projections:  65/20/80/.260/3 (<–optimistic but whatevs)

20. Danny Valencia – I see your upside, Danny Valencia, and I’m not that impressed.  Listen, you’re real deep into a position by this point.  If you draft Valencia, there’s a good chance you’re going to drop him by April 10th for a guy who starts out hot.  If Valencia starts off hot, then maybe you can flip him for a better piece.  If this doesn’t sound like the greatest upside pick in the world, it probably isn’t.  Best case scenario, he hits 17 homers with a good average.  It’s a’ight.  2011 Projections:  65/15/75/.300

After the top 20 3rd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball, there’s a lot of names but here’s two that stand out:

Mike Moustakas – I already went over my Moustakas fantasy.  It involves some PG-13 nudity.  2011 Projections:  50/17/75/.280

David Freese – I’d actually rank Freese above Chris Johnson overall if he’s healthy.  I only slotted him down here to highlight him.  If he shows up to camp healthy, he could surprise with some power.  In 464 Triple-A at-bats in 2008, he hit 26 homers.  In 2009, he hit a homer every 20 at-bats.  He’s probably not going to blow your mind with his stats, but he’s being drafted crazy late, if at all, and could surprise.  2011 Projections:  70/20/80/.300/3

Catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and top 20 shortstops for 2010 have been accounted for.  Up now, the top 20 3rd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball.   Lots of surprises in the top 20 for 3rd basemen.  In the top 3, two guys that weren’t drafted in the first 10 rounds with the 1st guy not being drafted in the first 20 rounds.  Heroes of 2009, Mini-Donkey and Kung Fu Panda, which sounds like an anime cartoon that has a 75% chance of giving you a seizure, did give you the fits.  Then when you get to around the halfway mark, the drop off is precipitous.  Also, to recap, this final ranking is from ESPN Player Rater with my comments.  The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Jose Bautista – He had 59 homers in four previous seasons combined.  That was in 570 extra games.  No wonder some people were calling Jose Bah-test-him.  (Never heard anyone actually call him this, but they should’ve been.)  This is the most improbable 50 homer season since Brady Anderson, who was aided by Luke Perry’s sideburns.  How awesome would it have been if McGwire was Bautista’s hitting coach this year?  Would’ve been like when a face wrestler suddenly is recruited by a heel manager.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  109/54/124/.260/9

2. David Wright – At this point, I think it’s fair to say you’re never getting 35 homers from Wright as long as he calls Metco home.  At least you didn’t get another 10 homer season, or as Ralph Kiner calls it, ‘What my Mommy hits.’  Preseason Rank #3, 2010 Projections:  100/25/110/.300/17, Final Numbers:  87/29/103/.283/19

3. Adrian Beltre – I didn’t look this up because Google requires me to open a new tab, but Beltre has to have Boras as his agent, right?  Speaking of heel managers, Boras is the ultimate heel agent.  He would be Bob Sugar in Jerry Maguire.  If you get the sense I’m annoyed by these top guys, I am.  Bautista had no business having that season and Beltre is El Senator, as Rudy dubbed him.  Because Beltre campaigns every 6 years, making promises he doesn’t live up to once under contract.  Preseason Rank #14, 2010 Projections:  70/24/80/.275/10, Final Numbers:  84/28/102/.321/2

4. Evan Longoria – If you would’ve told me before the season started that Longoria would get 15 steals, I would’ve been over the moon, or whatever that old-timey expression is.  Though I would’ve expected those steals to be paired with 35 homers.  Someone not only stole his New Era cap but also his power.  Preseason Rank #2, 2010 Projections:  100/36/115/.280/10, Final Numbers:  96/22/104/.294/15

5. Ryan Zimmerman – Seems like his career is following the two steps forward, one step back Electric Slide approach.  In fairness, it was due to some thigh tightness in April and missing the last two weeks that caused Zimmerman to fall just short of projections.  I have to say, for a top guy, he kinda bored me for stretches.  Particularly, the 2 homer, .245 month of June and a zero homer month of September.  Preseason Rank #4, 2010 Projections:  105/30/110/.295/5, Final Numbers:  85/25/85/.307/4

6. Alex Rodriguez – It’s going to be surprisingly difficult to rank A-Rod next year for the first time in 15 years.  He seems to have settled into a solid, yet unspectacular option at 3rd base.  His lineup doesn’t hurt his Runs and RBIs, but the huge homer totals and steals have vanished along with his cousin.  Preseason Rank #1, 2010 Projections:  110/36/120/.310/15, Final Numbers:  74/30/125/.270/4

7. Michael Young – I feel like I’m in countdown waiting for this guy to get old, or, rather, show his age.  I know that any season now he’s going to go from 20+ homers to 15 homers and become tough to own at a high production spot in fantasy lineups.  In 2010, it was not yet that year.  Check in again in 2011.  Preseason Rank #10, 2010 Projections:  75/14/90/.315/10, Final Numbers:  99/21/91/.284/4

8. Martin Prado – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2010 post.

9. Casey McGehee – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

10. Kevin Youkilis – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2010 post.

11. Michael Cuddyer – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2010 post.

12. Scott Rolen – In the first half of 2010, Rolen was a Rolex.  In the 2nd half, he turned out to be a Rolecks.  Preseason Unranked Final Numbers:  66/20/83/.285/1

13. Omar Infante – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

14. Chone Figgins – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

15. Chase Headley – I was admittedly too high on this guy in the preseason.  He wasn’t a sleeper, he was a Valium.  If you throw out his 7 steal month of April, he was middling at best, unownable at worse.  Preseason Rank #21, 2010 Projections:  70/20/85/.290/10, Final Numbers:  77/11/58/.264/17

16. Placido Polanco – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

17. Neil Walker – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

18. Miguel Tejada – Went over him in the top 20 shortstops for 2010 post.

19. Juan Uribe – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

20. Mark Reynolds – This Reynolds year should be a warning for Bautista’s 2011.  I’ll call him overrated and will still probably give him too much credit, as I did with Reynolds.  In 2009, Mini Donkey received all the brays.  In 2010, you pulled on Mini Donkey’s reins to try and get him to move.  Finally, you tried to push on his ass and he kicked you in the teeth.  Preseason Rank #6, 2010 Projections:  85/35/95/.250/12, Final Numbers:  79/32/85/.198/7

Logan Morrison played at the same community college as Albert Pujols.  That’s two more MLB players than Middlesex County College or MC-squared as we called it.  Let’s look at what Stephen wrote about Morrison, “Blessed with a balanced, flat swing with plus-power, and the organization’s best plate-discipline…  The only thing more exciting than Morrison is pasting copies of Grey’s photo to a dartboard and piercing his eyeballs.”  Hmm… Hadn’t read that last part before.  A rookie with good plate discipline and power is really all you need to know when considering a guy for keepers.  Own and own now.  So is it time to get on board the LogaMotive in redraft leagues?  As a disgruntled horse would say, “What the hey?”  When met with choosing between upside and a random schmohawk outfielder behind door number three, you go with upside.  Just don’t crazy and drop anyone too valuable.  I imagine Morrison will lose some playing time to Bonifacio and might struggle in the beginning.  Conservatively, I’ve give him 8 homers and a decent average.  The upside is obviously there and if he hits out of the gate, his name value will provide more than his actual worth on the trade market.  A lot depends on if the Marlins take it fast or slow with LogaMo.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jason Bay – Out with a mild concussion.  This would explain a lot if it happened in March and was just discovered.

Jonathon Niese – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K.  Wasn’t the prettiest start, but I’ve seen worse.  *cough* Wainwright *cough*  Still, Niese has only one bad start in his last 10.  Really no reason you shouldn’t own him.

Huston Street – Was hit by a line drive then fainted two or three times from the pain.  Obviously I don’t wish ill on anyone, except for maybe Jason Bay.  But how do you faint two or three times?  You put the back of your hand to your forehead and you faint.  Then you’re revived.  That’s it.  Let’s act it out.  “The pain is terrible.  I can’t take it, Jeeves.  I just can’t.”  You faint.  Jeeves pats your forehead with a cold rag while your suitor waves his top hat to give you air.  You waken.  “Are you all right?  You fainted.”  “Yes, Jeeves.  Thank you.  Perhaps you could fetch me a glass of bubbly water.”  See!  One faint!  Well, I grabbed Corpas wherever I had room.  If anyone can take a day-to-day and turn it into a 60-day DL stint, it’s Street.

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Now has back-to-back solid starts.  Yes, I’d prefer him over Volquez at this point.

Troy Tulowitzki – 0-for-4 as he returned to the lineup.  Hope his return this soon isn’t *pinkie to mouth* wristki.

Tyler Colvin – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer in the last week.  Get ‘em while the gettin’s good.  I before e, pick him up if you need outfield help.

Brett Myers – 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks.  Pitched brilliantly vs the Cubs.  Brett Myers’ wife was just glad he didn’t win a slugfest because sometimes Brett brings work home with him.

Chris Johnson – 2-for-4.  I picked him up for Monday’s short schedule day, but I held onto him a little longer and dropped someone else.  Why?  Cause Johnson’s crazy hot right now.

Hong-Chih Kuo – 2 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks.  His ERA is 0.79, his WHIP is 0.76 and lefties are 0-for-the-season off him.  How’s your Holds guy doing?

Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Hasn’t given up more than 2 runs in any game since June 2nd.  Yup.

Alexei Ramirez – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer.  He has 5 steals on the year and a .288 average.  Take this how you want, but his stats are exactly what they should be.

Kerry Wood – Will close again when activated.  The Indians should’ve added, “And we can’t wait for him to return, because we love love love having him as our closer.  But we’d be willing to listen to offers if someone really wanted to trade for him.”

Josh Tomlin – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Josh Tomlin, who likes to talk about himself in the third person, said, “Josh Tomlin fears no man, woman or whatever A-Rod is.”  Tomlin, 25, had a solid record in Triple-A this year –  2.68 ERA, 80:33 K:BB in 107 1/3 innings.  Could be a decent AL-Only pickup since hitters won’t be familiar with him.  You’re crazy if you grab him in mixed leagues.  Cray.  Zee.

Stephen Strasburg – Was scratched from his start when he couldn’t get loose.  He has inflammation in his right shoulder.  Wouldn’t be surprised if the Nats are very cautious and rest him for a week or so.  When the crowd saw it was Batista and not Strasburg starting, it was almost a modern day, Disco Demolition Night.  Like showing up at the theater and hearing, “Due to an illness to Kevin Spacey, his understudy will be performing tonight — the dad from The Hogan Family.”

Scott Olsen – Will return from the DL this Thursday.  He’s worth a grab, if you’re hurting for a 5th fantasy starter, but I wouldn’t start him in his first game back.

Edinson Volquez – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Yeah, that wasn’t much better than his last start.  Tommy John recipients tend to have command issues when they return and Volquez already had problems throwing a rock into the ocean without the assist from gravity.  I’d start looking elsewhere.

Scott Rolen – 4-for-4, 3 RBIs in his 2nd game back.  Or as I like to call it “two less days until his next injury.”  If you’re hurting at your corner infidel spot, I could see grabbing him while he’s ‘healthy.’

Jose Lopez – Tight hamstring forced him from the game.  He’s day-to-day, or Day II Day, if you’re into R&B.

B.J. Upton – Twisted ankle and left the game.  He’s day-to-day, which isn’t nearly as exciting as one day until Desmond Jennings’ day.

Justin Upton – Left with hip tightness.  The Uptons should have never vacationed to Hawaii and stole that tiki idol from Vincent Price.

Shane Victorino – Is it me or did the entire league get hurt yesterday?  His oblique injury looked like it could mean a DL stint.  He could barely throw the ball back in.  Victorino said he’s hoping to avoid the DL.  Oh, who cares what Victorino’s saying?  Here comes Domonic Brown!  Maybe.  But pick him up just in case.

Dan Haren – Hey, some good injury news!  Haren says he’ll be able to make his next start.

John Lackey – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. his former club, the Angels, as the Rally Monkey tipped his cap one last time.

J.J. Hardy – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and a homer.  I’ve quietly owned Hardy in one league for a week or two.  He’s hit in 8 of his last ten games and is capable of hitting 10 homers in the last two months.  It’s not much until you consider it’s at MI.

Danny Valencia – 4-for-4 on Monday, 4-for-5 yesterday…  14 for his last 19.  Yeah, I grabbed him in multiple leagues.  I think he flames out as quick as he’s heated up, but who knows?  Maybe he’ll Chris Shelton it for three weeks.  Oh, and if you’re wondering who I dropped.  Dexter Fowler, you’re dead to me until you start hitting again.  Get well soon!

Mike Gonzalez – 1 2/3, 0 ER.  Meanwhile, Alfredo got creamed.  You do the math!

Jose Bautista – 4-for-4, 5 RBIs and two homers to bring his total to 30.  Okay, I was way off with this guy, but I don’t think even Jose Bautista saw this year coming.  This is the craziest HR season since Brady Anderson suddenly hit 50 HRs.  Bautista hadn’t hit 30 homers in the past two years combined in 350 extra ABs.  It’s okay, it’ll make next year’s overrated post that much sweeter to write.

Cliff Lee – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks.  On the season, he has 114 Ks to 7 walks.  There’s gonna be some upset people on the internet when he loses the Cy Young because he doesn’t have enough wins.

Michael Wuertz – 1 IP, 2 ER and the first two run outing in over a month.  I haven’t had a year like this in a while.  I literally pick up a middle reliever to vulture saves and he invariably gives up runs.  It’s the Wuertz!

Tommy Hanson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Best looking start for Hanson in over a month.  Could be headed for a solid finish on a pretty lukewarm season.

Chris Coghlan – He tore his meniscus while throwing a pie in Wes Helms face.  This is the worst pie-related injury since Stan Gable’s heart was broken when he saw his Betty topless at the bottom of a Nerd-sold creme pie.  But pie-related injuries go back centuries.  The first known pie-related injury was when Euclid hurt his pelvis during a visual explanation of circumference.  Chris Coghlan’s offseason workout program will be him serving tables at Marie Callender’s.