Fantasy Baseball Advice

Derek Holland is not officially a rookie, but that doesn’t mean he might not roofie you.  Pitching in and out of the rotation last year, he had some real ulcer-inducing starts.   I know, I have the internal scars to prove it.  Oh, Mylanta!  Though his xFIP was better than his actual ERA.  I know, too bad your league isn’t all fussy with an xFIP category.  Holland’s a plus-plus strikeout guy.  In the hitter-friendly PCL, he had a 37:7 K:BB rate and a 0.93 ERA.  He’s homer-prone and in Arlington that is a recipe for turd nuggets.  I’m much more aggressive about grabbing young hitters than young pitchers.  Hitters give you an 0-for-34 and you punt.  A pitcher gives you a 2 IP, 7 ER start and that causes you to punch a random stranger and then next thing you know some guy named Bubba is fitting you for a teardrop tattoo.  See how quickly that spiral spun downward?  Ask Lawrence Taylor, he’ll tell you.  So I didn’t grab Holland anywhere, but I would in the right circumstances, as long as you monitor where you start him.  His first two outings are set for the A’s and Angels.  That’s a “Yes, please” and “Don’t mind if I do.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Johnny Cueto – 9 IP, 1 hit shutout with 8 Ks as he dropped his ERA to 4.07 on the season.  And there’s why I liked him so much in the preseason.  If he’s out there in your league, own him, in the non-biblical sense.

Chris Heisey – Got his first major league hit and homer.  He’s a 15/15 type that needs to have everyday at-bats to have mixed league value.  I think he’s better than Drew Stubbs, but WWDD?  My guess is Dusty will continue to play Stubbs.

J.J. Hardy – Headed for the DL with a bruised left wrist.  If you don’t have DL room, move on/look elsewhere.  Brendan Harris should see most of the time at short.  Harris is good… To avoid.  Twins also called up Matt Tolbert.  And that’s The Tolbert Report.

Kevin Slowey – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Yeah, Charlie Morton pitched better than Slowey last night.  I’m not dropping Slowey, but that’s only because I don’t own him in 12 team leagues or shallower.  If I did, he’d be done-zo.  In deeper leagues, I’m holding him but I’m not starting him next time out.  I’m kinda just hoping for a trip to the Disgraceful List.  How dare you betray my trust, Slowey?  You’re about to get filed away with 2009 James Shields, which might be the best thing for your career.

Bobby Jenks – Got the save yesterday, but Ozzie said they could go to a closer by situation, which is closer by committee for those who have used all of their blanks and M tiles.

Franklin Morales – To the DL.  Manny Corpas and/or Rafael Betancourt should get the saves, in that order.  I’d own both, if I had the room.  Unfortunately, I had a big meal of Blown Save Suckage recently, so no room.

Neftali Feliz – Blew a save.  You ever own the setup man and hope the closer doesn’t blow it because you don’t trust the setup man?  That’s how I feel with Frank Francisco.  I own him, but am petrified of him getting save opportunities.  Sorta how I feel about Juan Gutierrez too.

Mark DeRosa – Called offseason wrist surgery a total failure and he may need another procedure.  The doctor who operated called DeRosa the worst patient ever and said he wants his lollipop back.

Gordon Beckham – 0-for-3 as he hit 8th in the lineup because, well, he sucks.  I did have some concerns about him in the preseason.  Click it, you know you wanna.

Fred Lewis – 2-for-4, now batting .309 on the year with two homers and 3 steals.  Not flashy like my dookie fat gold chain that is just below the frame of my user photo, but Lewis will tortoise you to a 10/17 year.

Russell Branyan – 2 homers yesterday.  Could be the start of something if you need power.  He did hit 22 homers pre-All-Star Break last year.

Carlos Beltran – Ricky from My So Called Life was cleared to jog and do some baseball activities.  You know, like spitting and grabbing his junk.  Considering Beltran was only supposed to miss a few games last June, I’ll believe he’s playing baseball again when I see it in Metco.

Scott Olsen – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Only one of those baserunners was a walk and a few of those singles were of the “Excuse me” variety.  So hold S.O. (<–not a palindrome)

Gaby Sanchez – 1-for-4 with a homer.  Yo Gaby Gaby!  Yeah, he’s been yawnstipating as all get out.

Randy Wells – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Without doing the complex math, I’m going to say he was unlucky here too since he only had 5 baserunners and 3 earned.  I’m buying into Wells getting, um, well.

Tim Hudson – 6 IP, 12 baserunners (6 BBs), 1 K.  Read Wells’ blurb in a mirror.

Troy Glaus – 17 for his last 38 with two homers in two straight games.  Should be owned in all leagues while he’s hot.

Tim Stauffer – Added DL to his RP/SP eligibility as he’s out for 6 weeks with an appendectomy.

Brad Lidge – Said he didn’t like how his arm felt when he threw yesterday.  That’s usually not a good sign.  The Latin 38, Jose Contreras, is the pickup for saves.  Everyone seems fine with grabbing Contreras and maybe he’ll be okay, but he seems to be pitching so far over his head I’m surprised he hasn’t been bringing a ladder out to the mound.

Jimmy Rollins – Expects to be back by next week.  Maybe he can close.

John Ely – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Said I’d look at him in NL-Only leagues before this start.  Now I’d start to look at him in mixed leagues.  In his division and park, he should get some decent matchups.

Josh Beckett – Will miss Friday’s start because of back spasms that were a result of taking swings in the batting cage.  What, was he reading Rick Ankiel’s Wikipedia page?

Daisuke Matsuzaka – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks.  That’s nice, I’m not buying it.

Jason Varitek – You might want to stay away from sharp objects as you read the next two sentences.  Varitek hit his 6th homer on the year yesterday.  Victor Martinez has 3 homers.

Ben Zobrist – 1-for-3 as he bats .268 on the year.  He still hasn’t hit a homer.  Wha’ happened?  The ‘brist have his power circumcised?  It’s not completely surprising to me.  As I said in the rankings, “(Zobrist) was a utility man coming into 2009 and I wouldn’t be surprised if he left 2010 back in that role.”  And that’s me quoting me!

Brad Penny – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks as his defense let him down with 4 unearned runs.  Penny has a 1.70 ERA on the year.  You know when you have one guy who is carrying your whole staff and you just know the bottom is going to fall out but you want to believe so bad.  Yeah, Penny’s that guy for me on multiple teams.

Brett Myers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  So far this year, he’s been consistently better than average.  He seems like a safe bet to get some Ks, keep his team close and at some point beat up a girl.

Hunter Pence – 2-for-4 as he hit his 2nd homer in as many games.  Instead of fireworks, the Astros showcased their new way to celebrate a home run.  A giant dummy in the outfield that bears a striking resemblance to Ed Wade has its eyes pop out and toupee shoots off its head after a homer.

Eric Chavez – Hit his first homer of the year.  It was a called shot.  He called it, “I can’t believe I’m not on the DL.”

I can’t believe it is week 6 already (though I should have known), most leagues are starting to make crazy trades, build for the future or are just not interested in their teams. It’s been a crazy last few days with some really horrible trades in some of my leagues. It is like trading a broken bicycle for a car, but a league of your peers gets the final say.  Anywho, week 6 brings us either studs or duds, guys you should know and should be owned or guys you should gamble on cause you’re playing the top teams. I like to gamble with streaming a 2 start pitcher, if you have 3-4 reliable guys that give you 6 starts for the week than a questionable 2 start pitcher isn’t going to kill you. What really kills you is when the reliable guys pitch like horse hockey and the 2 start guy does better. Onto the list of 2 start pitchers for the sixth week of fantasy baseball:

Brandon Morrow (@Bos vs. Lackey) (Tex vs. Feldman)
Allowing way too many base occupants. Has an awesome 11.35 K/9. Lackey has been effective last 3, and gets a decent second matchup in Texas. Is a 6 IP, 3 ER kinda guy, and with his offense that’s ok with me. He is good for a win and 12 K’s this week.

Kyle Kendrick (@ Col vs. Smith) (@ Mil vs. Davis)
On here based on 2 starts away from CB. Both Smith and Davis give up a ton of runs and I like Philly to outscore both. Is the best 2 start win sniper this week. Won’t K a lot, will kill your WHIP, but wins are the key. Pitched great last outing vs. Cards.

Ross Ohlendorf (Cin vs. Arroyo) (@ CHC vs. Lilly)
Returns from the dead, back is all healed up. Or they hope. Gets 2 tough divisional matchups. Was strangely consistent last year and was semi-reliable, got some deep league draft love preseason. I am always against starting DL pitchers on their return, so start with that in mind. Typical lunch pail pitcher.

John Maine (Was vs. Atilano) ( @Fla vs. Robertson)
Typical Met pitcher this year, wildly inconsistent. Gets two favorable matchups this week. Has allowed 3 runs or less in in his last 4 starts. That’s good enough for me for a buy low 2 start guy. Gets you a K an inning to boot.

Scott Olsen (@ NYM vs. Niese) ( Col vs. Cook)
The WW darling after his 8 inning masterpiece on Thursday. I don’t think he is as good as that start, but he isn’t horrendous. Should be owned for this week for his 2 starts. Got waxed last outing vs. Col. Good for a win and 10 K’s this week. Decent pickup if he isn’t owned in your league.

Wade LeBlanc ( @ SF vs. Zito) ( LAD vs. Billingsley)
Gets tougher for the youngster. Has pitched enough to be rosterable. Two tough divisional match =ups puts him to the test. Allowed only 3 ER all year. Guy to run for this week as he is looking like the goods, start with confidence. A win and 12 K’s are easily attainable.

Dana Eveland ( @ Bos vs. Dice K) ( Tex vs. Lewis)
Sneaky good so far this year. Has horrible numbers career-wise against Boston (18.24ERA). He is the second Blue Jay on this week’s list, not all birds are bad. He still has a lot to prove fantasy-wise. May struggle this week, maybe an addition just for his second start.

Brett Myers ( @ StL vs. Penny) (@ SF vs. Zito)
Really been unheralded for the fledging ‘Stros. He is going to be traded to a contender, and when that happens you are going to want to own him. Start by adding him this week. A really decent end of rotation guy. 29/11 k/bb rate is sneaky good.

Trevor Cahill ( @ Tex vs. Lewis) (@ LAA vs. Pineiro)
Has decent track record vs. both teams this week. Only making 3rd start of the year. I think he has the goods, but just not yet. Needs 3-4 more starts and will be a confident add. Won’t hurt you this week, great low end add based on 2 start status.

In an unprecedented move, I’m making Aramis Ramirez a Buy after labeling him a schmohawk in the preseason.  Crazy, right?  Get me a constituency and a mistress, I’m a flip-flopping politician?  I’ll run on the “No more new tuxes” campaign.  Then when people elect me and say they thought it was a typo or a weird lisp, I’ll tell them, “No, I’m just not buying a new tuxedo.”  I don’t want to talk up Aramis too much because I don’t think he’s a surefire stud.  He is what he is.  A 25 homer, 90+ RBI, .280 guy.  This past April was his worst month ever.  The next closest month of the last six years was when he hit .197 in April of 2006.  In the last six years, he never had more than two months under .250 in the same year.  Right now, his BABIP is the unrealistic .160.  His career mark is .288.  That’s obviously a far way off.  I wouldn’t give my dead grandma’s broach to get Aramis, but right now his owners don’t even want him or your nana’s forget-me-not.  You can probably trade a Brain Freeze and a schmohawk and get him.  Check raise the bettor, cause you have alligator’s blood.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Kris Medlen – In the minors, he averaged a 9+ K/9.  Last year in 67+ innings with the Braves, he had a 9+ K/9.  I don’t think he’s just going to walk away with Jurrjens’ rotation spot, but if Jurrjens has a setback (that’s a lilliputian “if”), Medlen could stick around for a month or so, giving a mid-3 ERA, a manageable WHIP and great Ks.  I <3 Medlen.

Brett Cecil – He’s my favorite hodgepodjay upside pick, but he too will be subjected to tough matchups.  Move Toronto to the NL!

Ian Kennedy – Even if we’re to assume 60% of ESPN leagues have been abandoned, how is he only owned in 7% of ESPN leagues?  He has a 1.14 WHIP with decent strikeout and walk rates.  I’ll buy that for a FAAB dollar!

Wade LeBlanc – Here’s to Tally McTallstein never returning.

Scott Olsen – Like Minnie Pearl, I’m gonna make it nice and simple for you.  Just went over Scott Olsen for fantasy.  Now click.

Hisanori Takahashi – Those of you looking for some Ks from your MRs, Takahashi has 26 Ks through 18 2/3 innings.  As Kevin Brauch says, konbanwa, ladies and gentlemen.

Tyler Clippard – Damn, dawg, I’m dropping the gauntlet on middle relievers.  That’s pitchy.

Starlin Castro – Don’t you wanna put an apostrophe on Starlin?  Yeah, me too.  Let’s start with what Stephen said in the Cubs Minor League Review, “He has more speed than his steals would even lead one to believe as he is still learning the stealing craft.  Oh, and sometimes I want to poison strangers.”  Hmm… Didn’t remember that last part.  Okay, you’d think with a name like Castro, they’d platoon him cause that’s the Communist thing to do.  Yeah, I don’t think that happens.  He’s playing shortstop and Theriot moves to 2nd base.  So the Silent T tag team of Theriot and Fontenot gets split up.  Too bad, so sad.  You guys were no Bushwhackers anyway.  Grab Castro in all leagues where you need speed.  I’d expect a line of 60/3/40/.290/27.  The Runs and RBIs are lineup placement dependent.  My thought is he plays half his games at the top of the order and half at the bottom, but that’s me hedging more than anything.  And welcome all the gardeners who Googled, Bushwhackers + hedging.

David Freese – Now, he has modest power and a great average.  Later, he’ll have modest power and a good average.  Mmm… Freese’ing a now and later.

Fred Lewis – Beans don’t burn on the grill, Fred’s working his way up that “Valuable in deep mixed leagues” hill.

J.D. Drew – This week’s ROTIOAOWAYSETWOASPAYOWTWH.  BTW, that’s pronounced like LOTIOAOWAYSETWOASPAYOWTWH, but with an R.

Michael Saunders – Just went over him in this morning’s post.  Scroll down or click.  Your call.

Kila Ka’aihue – Now in most circumstances, I’d say a team bringing up Kila would play him, but we’re talking about the Royals.  They may be thinking that teams are making fun of them for not promoting Kila so they’ll bring him up and let him rot on the bench.  You know, the passive aggressive move.  Hopefully, Kila can find some ABs.  If he can, he’s worth owning in 12 team mixed leagues and maybe shallower.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Supposed to be bacchia by now, but he’s not yet because he’s working on his throwing.  We should see him soon.

Mike Aviles – Average, not much else.  Speaking of which, I wonder if people would respect pure average guys better if it was called something other than average, because average is so usual, passable, adequate.  Now if batting average were referred to as excellent, people would be clamoring for these guys.  That Aviles is an excellent player, not much else.  See?

Koji Uehara – When the media asked Alfredo Simon how he felt to be the O’s closer, Alfredo said, “I’m the closer?  That’s scarzy, which is a portmanteau of scary and crazy.  Like this girl I used to date.  Anyhoo, who wants some freshly ground pepper on their pasta?”  Those desperate for saves, commence vulturing on Koji now.

Alfredo Simon – Simon’s right; it is scarzy, but if he’s getting saves, you know the SAGNOF drill.

SELL

Doug Fister – It’s funny to watch ownership trends in ESPN.  And funny as in not funny at all but rather pedantic.  On April 13th, Fister throws 8 shutout innings.  Fluke!  No one adds him.  Next start, 7 IP, 1 ER.  Fluke!  Five days later, 8 IP, 2 ER.  Hmm…  Who is this guy?  Last start, 8 IP, 0 ER.  I’m adding him!  Now he’s sure to explode.

Wade Davis – Appeared (along with Mister Fister) in The Corrections.

Jeff Clement – Hey, he got almost two months over the course of four years and two teams to prove himself.  That’s plenty of time.

Lance Berkman – I totally regret drafting him in the one league where I have him.  It’s a 20 team league making me kinda SOL.  For most of you, you can trade Berkman for a small piece and just grab Smoak or Ike Davis or Swisher off waivers and come within 95% of Berkman’s production while adding another piece.

Andruw Jones – But it’s a feel good story!  Sorry, friend.  Right now, his HR/FB is almost 35%; his career mark is 19% and that number is being supported by his years when he was actually good.  He’s not keeping this up even if he stayed at a Renaissance Hotel last night.

Scott Olsen went 7 1/3 innings, giving up 1 ER and registering 8 Ks, while taking a no-hitter into the 8th inning.  Olsen, “Hello, Corner, I think I’m going to turn you.”  Corner, “Go for it.”  Looks like Olsen has been able to use his changeup more effectively this year and rely less on the fastball.  Olsen, “Fastball, you’re my woobie, I think I need to move on.”  Fastball, “But where were they going without ever knowing the way?”  Olsen, “Sorry, think I dialed the wrong Fastball.”  I get worried about putting faith in Nationals pitchers not named, That Kid In Triple-A, but I could see taking a flier on Olsen in 12 team mixed leagues and deeper.  At one time, Olsen wasn’t just some random Nats pitcher, he was a top Marlin prospect.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Lance Berkman – Fat Elvis says he’d leave the building if the Astros wanted him to.  He’d agree to leave the Astros?  That’s just crazy.  Cray-zee.

Wandy Rodriguez – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  And the Wandwagon is back off the tracks.  Hopefully, it’s not back spasms.  He had three okay starts prior to this, so you gotta wait it out.  Well, you don’t have to, but that’s my suggestion.

Kelly Johnson – 2-for-4 as he hit his 10th homer.  Nothing says I love you like a Johnson going deep.  Hmm… Could’ve reworded that.

Dan Haren – 9 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks.  I just thought of the perfect trade.  You trade Haren in July for Teixeira.  Am I right?  Or am I right-right?

Kila Ka’aihue – 1-for-1 with an RBI.  I know, you’re thinking he got 5 ABs and shot four BBs.  No, he pinch hit.  Here’s an idea, put Guillen in the outfield and sit the .118 batting, Dishonorable Willie Bloomquist, not that I’m judging.

Vladimir Guerrero – 2 HRs, 4 RBIs. I’m enjoying owning Vlad this season.  That is all.

Justin Smoak – 1-for-4, and his third homer.  Ignore the .196 average.  He has 8 walks and 9 Ks.  The Smoak will rise.

Julio Borbon – 0-for-4 as the Rangers scored 13.  Ticker tease!  Wait, actually, ticker season.

Randy Wells – 2 IP, 6 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K.  After the game, the Fangraphs Database had this to say, “That’s payback for having a FIP higher than your ERA last year.  Muahahahaha…”  What an evil database.

Nate Schierholtz – 3-for-3, homer and a steal.  He won’t kill you on average, but he’s also not going to wow your socks off with his power or speed.  Decent roster filler for NL-Only leagues, but that’s about it as of right now.

Edgar Renteria – Headed to the 15-day DL.  Member the first week of the season when you wanted to add this schmohawk?  Ah, yeah, those were the days.

John Ely – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Solid command and groundball stuff, though nothing really overpowering.  I’d look at him in NL-Only leagues for now.

Mike Napoli – Hit his first homer of the year.  After the game, Scioscia said, “Mathis would’ve hit two.”

Roy Halladay – 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 9 Ks and now has a 1.45 ERA and a 6-1 record.  But can he give birth to kittens?  Well?  Didn’t think so.

Raul Ibanez – Hit a homer and now has hits in 7 of 8 games.  Sure, he’s only had one hit in most of those games, but the glass half full here, c’mon.

Cameron Maybin – Sat yesterday and may not be long for everyday at-bats.  On high alert:  Mike Stanton.

Dana Eveland – 7 IP, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Dana has 16 Ks and 17 walks on the year.  Ignore him (her?).

Gordon Beckham – 0-for-4 as he looks more like Gordon Shumway.

Alfredo Simon – Third save without allowing an earned run.  ‘fredo can handle things!  He’s smart!

Ty Wigginton – 2-for-4, and his 10th homer.  Can we get Adam Jones to use Wigginton’s bat?

Koji Uehara – He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  How will I ever do without my Koji Uehara news?! Was that sarcastic, random italicized voice?  Yup.

Michael Saunders – In the wake of Milton Bradley’s case of the Mondays, Saunders was recalled.  He’s a poor man’s Big FraGu.  Some power, some speed, some AL-Only league fodder.

Eric Byrnes – Decided to hang up his dignity and join a recreational softball league.  I figured if anyone were to retire to a sport with beer in the dugout it would’ve been Miguel Cabrera.

Making Eric Young Jr.’s return possible, Brad Hawpe heads to the 15-day DL as he loses his hop.  In the last four years of the minors, Eric Young Jr. has 87, 73, 46 and 58 steals, respectively.  Or disrespectfully, holy effin’ hey, are you kidding me?  That’s so good, Rickey Henderson talks about Eric Young Jr. in the third person.  Young could play in the outfield for a few days and will occasionally spell Barmes — B-A-R-M-E-S.  I think Young will see four to five days a week, but for those needing steals, you know the drill.  I grabbed him in one league and dropped Priscilla Barmes. (How awesome would it be if DeWitt played on the same team as Barmes?  Then Todd Helton would have to pretend he was gay to get playing time.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Miguel Olivo – Now leads all catchers with 5 homers.  Ain’t that a nicker in the kads.

Seth Smith – 2 homers yesterday.  Sure, go and get hot right when Eric Young Jr. gets called up.  Smith will see extra starts with Hawpe out, but he’ll still sit vs. lefties, which the Rockies get two of this week.

Chad Billingsley – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks and only one walk that wasn’t intentional in his last two games.  Right now, his FIP is over a run below his ERA.  I don’t think we’re out of the woods completely, but his next start vs. the Pirates can’t hurt.

Manny Ramirez – Hits the DL.  Garrett Anderson filled in for him yesterday.  Manny’s birthday is 5/30/72.  Garrett Anderson’s birthday is 6/30/72.  Nice that the Dodgers can fill Manny’s spot with youth.

Vicente Padilla – Heads to the DL.  Before the DL, after the DL.

Ryan Zimmerman – Wants to avoid the DL, but is still having moans over his hammy.

Scott Olsen – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Keep moving, nothing to see here.

Kelly Johnson – Hit his 7th homer yesterday.  No, that’s not a typo.  Aren’t you glad you drafted Aaron Hill in the 5th round?

Mark Reynolds – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs as he hit his 7th homer too.  Sure, I wrote a schmohawk post about Reynolds, but you can’t stay mad at a Mini Donkey.  They’re too lovable.

Krispie Young – 7 for his last 13.  If you’re hoping for the breakout, you have to accept that there will be stretches of 0-for-22′s.

Chad Qualls – After he completed his 1-2-3 save, his owners threw their gloves into the air and fell to their knees like Jesse Orosco.

Ryan Doumit – Going into the game, the Astros had stolen 6 bases.  Now, the Astros have 12 steals.  4 were stolen off of Morton and Doumit.  Which is also known as *pinkie to mouth* a salt and battery.

David Price – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  There ya go.

John Jaso – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs.  Anyone see this guy’s name in the box score and think there’s a typo?  Maybe it’s just me.  So get out your revolver, because it’s time for another round of Catcher Russian Roulette.  Jaso sported a solid OBP in the minors and pretty limited power.  So far, he has 5 walks, only one strikeout and a homer.  He’s immediately more valuable than Dioner, but that’s like saying your feet smell better than your socks.  In AL-Only leagues or deep mixed, 2 catcher leagues, I’d grab him and see if he can keep up his hot hitting.

Colby Lewis – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 10 Ks as he battled for the Win.  Colby’s a Survivor!  I feel bad penalizing the people who are paying attention for the ones that aren’t, but here’s what I said previously about Lewis, “No one’s career has seen a bigger boost after going to Japan since Cheap Trick.  Feels like every year the Rangers have someone who’s way overhyped.  Has everyone forgotten that Lewis had a 6.71 ERA in his major league career before being rejuvenated in the Japanese Bubbling Spring of Soba Noodles?” And that’s me quoting me!  I also went on to talk about how I like strikeout pitchers, but Colby Lewis is prone to walks and his home park is hitter-friendly.  And that’s me paraphrasing me!  On certain teams, I could see grabbing Colby Lewis if you need Ks or upside.  I do not own Colby Lewis anywhere and don’t plan on it.  I also don’t like how his name only sounds right if you say the whole thing.  Really slows things up for someone whose WPM is 17.

Brennan Boesch – 0-for-4 as he hit 5th.  Well, with Guillen out of the lineup it’s only natural that Leyland, who doesn’t believe in new lineup cards or Liquid Paper, would hit Boesch 5th.  (BTW, Poor Ryan Raburn.  Him and every prospect Scioscia ignored for an Izturii should start a support group.)  Boesch has 20 homer power and decent speed, but there’s no indication that he’ll stick once Guillen returns.  He also likes to swing and miss.  In AL-Only leagues, I’d grab Boesch, but, unless he gets hot, I’m not touching him in mixed leagues.

Rhyne Hughes – Hughes has moderate power and the penchant for the strikeout.  Unless the O’s are benching Atkins completely, which I don’t think they are (though I’m not against it), Hughes doesn’t have value outside of AL-Only leagues.  Could be mixed league worthy if he gets every day ABs.

Nolan Reimold – 2-for-5, as he hit leadoff.  Wait, what?  Leadoff?  You know that guy in your league who drafted terribly and is now scrambling to kick start his team?  Yeah, that’s the Orioles.

Lou Montanez – Sounds like someone working for Miami Vice.

Geovany Soto – 2-for-4, as he hit his 2nd homer yesterday.  This is a question for everyone that doesn’t own Soto but who has seen how many times people have asked in the comments if they should drop him.  Soto is now batting:  A) .366 B) 100 points higher than .266 C) Almost two hundred points better than Clement.  D) All of the above.  If you answered D, you’re right.  If you refused to answer, you probably dropped him and were hoping for the best.

Kosuke Fukudome – 3-for-4, 3 Runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer.  He’s what Matt Diaz sees when he looks in the mirror.  If you can afford to bench Fukudome vs. all lefties, you could have yourself a valuable 5th outfielder.

Jeff Suppan – Suppan’s being sent to the bullpen.  There’s a fly in The Soup’s ointment.

Dave Bush – 3 2/3 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners.  Some people who were pushing their luck in their H2H league, got a Cleveland Streamer.

Justin Masterson – 4 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners.  Speaking of Cleveland Streamers.  Blech.  This is the kind of soul-crushing loss that forces you to either bench him for his next start or drop him.

Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks and he only threw two walks.  If he can keep his walks in check, he could be in for huge uptick in value.

Brett Anderson – Lifted from Saturday’s game with elbow tightness.  I steered away from Anderson in all my leagues because of his IP jump from 2008 to 2009.  I will say that when/if healthy, he has nasty stuff.  As of right now, they’re reporting Anderson will make his next start.  No idea who they are, but they’re usually right.

Javier Vazquez – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  I predicted rough times ahead when he moved to the AL, but wow.  Someone in our fantasy baseball forums, mentioned there should be a glossary term for a pitcher going from the AL to the NL or vice versa.  I agree.  Anyone have any ideas?

Everth Cabrera – Cueto hit him on the knee with a pitch, which forced him to the bench for Sunday’s game, but EverCab did get in late and stole a base.  Cueto should stick to screwing Cueto owners, and not EverCab ones.

Brad Penny – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Walks, 2 Ks.  I have this strange feeling that Penny’s going to get named to the All-Star Game then get pummeled by the AL because Duncan won’t be on the staff.

Paul Konerko – Hit his 8th homer yesterday as he takes the lead in The Battle For Best Value From A Draft Pick That Everyone Yawned At.  Vernon Wells is a close 2nd.

John Danks – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks as Jenks finished the game.   According to the Elias Sports Bureau, this was the first time a team’s game pitchers shared their last three letters since teammates, Rollie Fingers/Hans Wringers.  Actually, they didn’t say that, but something that was overheard this week at the Elias Sports Bureau compound, “Billy, from Accounting, said, ‘I’ve had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!’ over a hundred times, beating his old record by 37.”