The save vulture is a scavenger bird. They see weakness in others’ misfortune. A closer goes down or struggles and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer’s handcuff. Peck, Brandon League, peck. The save vultures are indigenous to rural and metropolitan areas, especially if a trade is in progress. Goodbye, Rauch. Hello, Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard and Sean Burnett. Save vultures have trouble reproducing because they’re usually overweight guys who would prefer to listen to sports news than what the girl they’re dating is talking about. “How does my manicure look?” “Very pretty, Joel Hanrahan.” “Did you just call me, Joel Hanrahan?” “No.” Kevin Gregg, Kerry Wood, Joakim Soria any of them can be traded in the next 24 hours. If you need saves, there won’t be many saves coming into the league after the trade deadline. If you need closers, now is the time to swoop, save vultures. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Domonic Brown – If I keep talking about Domonic, I’m gonna have to do a spin-off blog, Razzbrown. My Domonic Brown fantasy is clickable. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Davis is so easy to strike out that pitchers should let him get a 4th or 5th strike like you’d give the small-for-his-age kid in little league. “Good cut, Chris!” Then the parent who needs anger management screams, “It’s on a freakin’ tee! Hit the damn ball!” Davis is also so easy to strike out the Rangers felt like they needed to go out and get someone who is marginally better. Enter Jorge Cantu. Or as I like to call him, the guy I told you to sell back at the end of April when his value was at its highest. Cantu gets a boost in value because he’s now going to be hitting in a lineup with Giant Machine and Hulk Machine, while calling Coors South home. I’d grab Cantu off waivers if I was hurting at my corner infidel spot. Meanwhile, Chris Davis heads to the minors to try and reclaim that glory that had Bill James projecting him for, like, 40 homers and 10 steals. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Kinsler – Back to the DL with a strained groin and could be out until the end of August. Who had July 29th in the ‘Kinsler goes back on DL’ pool? Kinsler’s officially dropping way down in 2011 drafts. He might be the fourth Ranger drafted next year. I smell a sleeper post about him from January Grey. January Grey, “Leave me alone, I’m watching Jersey Shore.”
Brett Wallace – It’s ironic he’s only a 1st base prospect because he’s getting passed around the majors like a trollop who’s been a lot farther than 1st base. For those keeping score, he’s gone from STL to OAK in the Matt Holliday deal, OAK to TOR for OF prospect Michael Taylor (whom Toronto got in the Halladay deal), and now from TOR to HOU for OF prospect Anthony Gose. The book on Walllace is he’s a great hitter with a bad glove (hence the move from 3B to 1B). Now it’s one thing when STL trades a 1B (when they have Pujols) or when Oakland trades a 1B (Billy Beane likes to keep busy) but when the Lyle Overbay-playing Blue Jays trade a 1B prospect one has to wonder. Is something wrong here 0r is the Jays GM, Alex the Greek just opa’ing prospects into the fireplace? Either way, Lance Berkman looks like he’s about to embark on the Casino Bus. If Wallace gets called up, he’s immediately mixed league material. He hit 18 homers in 385 minor league ABs this year. Though it was in the PCL. BTW, this is the longest blurb ever for a roundup. I don’t even remember who I was talking about. Oh, Brett Wallace! Yeah, he can hit, grab him now in NL-Only leagues, deep mixed leagues and keepers, just in case he’s called up. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Logan Morrison played at the same community college as Albert Pujols. That’s two more MLB players than Middlesex County College or MC-squared as we called it. Let’s look at what Stephen wrote about Morrison, “Blessed with a balanced, flat swing with plus-power, and the organization’s best plate-discipline… The only thing more exciting than Morrison is pasting copies of Grey’s photo to a dartboard and piercing his eyeballs.” Hmm… Hadn’t read that last part before. A rookie with good plate discipline and power is really all you need to know when considering a guy for keepers. Own and own now. So is it time to get on board the LogaMotive in redraft leagues? As a disgruntled horse would say, “What the hey?” When met with choosing between upside and a random schmohawk outfielder behind door number three, you go with upside. Just don’t crazy and drop anyone too valuable. I imagine Morrison will lose some playing time to Bonifacio and might struggle in the beginning. Conservatively, I’ve give him 8 homers and a decent average. The upside is obviously there and if he hits out of the gate, his name value will provide more than his actual worth on the trade market. A lot depends on if the Marlins take it fast or slow with LogaMo. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jason Bay – Out with a mild concussion. This would explain a lot if it happened in March and was just discovered. Please, blog, may I have some more?
No, there’s probably no cast in Andre’s future. I’m not even sure they make casts small enough for the pinkie finger. That was Pingping‘s downfall, that and the chain smoking. After Andre Ethier broke a bone in his pinkie, he said something was seriously wrong. Seriously? You got a boo-boo on your pinkie! What, you can’t make shadow animals now? When he found out what it was, he said that it’s the leverage point of his swing and it would prevent him from holding the bat the way he normally does. Who’s leverage point is their freakin’ pinkie?! This is like the pea under the princess’s mattress. His biggest concern is probably how he can stick his pinkie out while drinking tea. Ethier could be out for a few weeks or he can play through it. So he’s damned if he does or a half dozen of the other… Or however that cliché goes. If it is his leverage point, you don’t want him playing through it. If he doesn’t play through it, he could be out at least a few weeks. And here I thought the only time Ethier and the word pinkie would be associated would be from this picture. Draw your own conclusions, but I’m guessing he’s in Key West. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Chad Billingsley – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. What every pitcher needs, a trip to Petco. Please, blog, may I have some more?
In one article about Mike Stanton in The Miami Herald, a longtime season ticket holder, Fran, was asked if any player every matched Stanton’s sheer mollywhopping, pony sticking ability. The gist is no. Fran, at 85, had seen them all too. About Randy Johnson, Fran was quoted as saying, “Wild as any turkey ever got to be. He had that hair, and when he pitched and got sweaty, he had the nastiest head of hair you ever seen.” Now if I worked as a reporter for The Miami Herald, I’d make sure I had at least one quote from Fran in every article. If I could somehow find someone to match her quotey-ness, I’d say the quote was “frantastic.” If another reporter asked me to read their piece and they lacked a Fran quote, I’d say it’s not franny enough. Can we get a interview with Fran? Or should I just call up any retirement home in Miami-Dade County and interview anyone I get on the phone about the Marlins prospects? Mrs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Derek Holland is not officially a rookie, but that doesn’t mean he might not roofie you. Pitching in and out of the rotation last year, he had some real ulcer-inducing starts. I know, I have the internal scars to prove it. Oh, Mylanta! Though his xFIP was better than his actual ERA. I know, too bad your league isn’t all fussy with an xFIP category. Holland’s a plus-plus strikeout guy. In the hitter-friendly PCL, he had a 37:7 K:BB rate and a 0.93 ERA. He’s homer-prone and in Arlington that is a recipe for turd nuggets. I’m much more aggressive about grabbing young hitters than young pitchers. Hitters give you an 0-for-34 and you punt. A pitcher gives you a 2 IP, 7 ER start and that causes you to punch a random stranger and then next thing you know some guy named Bubba is fitting you for a teardrop tattoo. See how quickly that spiral spun downward? Ask Lawrence Taylor, he’ll tell you. So I didn’t grab Holland anywhere, but I would in the right circumstances, as long as you monitor where you start him. His first two outings are set for the A’s and Angels. That’s a “Yes, please” and “Don’t mind if I do.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Johnny Cueto – 9 IP, 1 hit shutout with 8 Ks as he dropped his ERA to 4.07 on the season. And there’s why I liked him so much in the preseason. If he’s out there in your league, own him, in the non-biblical sense. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I can’t believe it is week 6 already (though I should have known), most leagues are starting to make crazy trades, build for the future or are just not interested in their teams. It’s been a crazy last few days with some really horrible trades in some of my leagues. Please, blog, may I have some more?
In an unprecedented move, I’m making Aramis Ramirez a Buy after labeling him a schmohawk in the preseason. Crazy, right? Get me a constituency and a mistress, I’m a flip-flopping politician? I’ll run on the “No more new tuxes” campaign. Then when people elect me and say they thought it was a typo or a weird lisp, I’ll tell them, “No, I’m just not buying a new tuxedo.” I don’t want to talk up Aramis too much because I don’t think he’s a surefire stud. He is what he is. A 25 homer, 90+ RBI, .280 guy. This past April was his worst month ever. The next closest month of the last six years was when he hit .197 in April of 2006. In the last six years, he never had more than two months under .250 in the same year. Right now, his BABIP is the unrealistic .160. His career mark is .288. That’s obviously a far way off. I wouldn’t give my dead grandma’s broach to get Aramis, but right now his owners don’t even want him or your nana’s forget-me-not. You can probably trade a Brain Freeze and a schmohawk and get him. Check raise the bettor, cause you have alligator’s blood. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Kris Medlen – In the minors, he averaged a 9+ K/9. Last year in 67+ innings with the Braves, he had a 9+ K/9. I don’t think he’s just going to walk away with Jurrjens’ rotation spot, but if Jurrjens has a setback (that’s a lilliputian “if”), Medlen could stick around for a month or so, giving a mid-3 ERA, a manageable WHIP and great Ks. I <3 Medlen. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott Olsen went 7 1/3 innings, giving up 1 ER and registering 8 Ks, while taking a no-hitter into the 8th inning. Olsen, “Hello, Corner, I think I’m going to turn you.” Corner, “Go for it.” Looks like Olsen has been able to use his changeup more effectively this year and rely less on the fastball. Olsen, “Fastball, you’re my woobie, I think I need to move on.” Fastball, “But where were they going without ever knowing the way?” Olsen, “Sorry, think I dialed the wrong Fastball.” I get worried about putting faith in Nationals pitchers not named, That Kid In Triple-A, but I could see taking a flier on Olsen in 12 team mixed leagues and deeper. At one time, Olsen wasn’t just some random Nats pitcher, he was a top Marlin prospect. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Lance Berkman – Fat Elvis says he’d leave the building if the Astros wanted him to. He’d agree to leave the Astros? That’s just crazy. Cray-zee. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Making Eric Young Jr.’s return possible, Brad Hawpe heads to the 15-day DL as he loses his hop. In the last four years of the minors, Eric Young Jr. has 87, 73, 46 and 58 steals, respectively. Or disrespectfully, holy effin’ hey, are you kidding me? That’s so good, Rickey Henderson talks about Eric Young Jr. Please, blog, may I have some more?