Fantasy Baseball Advice

Last year, the only type of starts and luck that Charlie Morton had was bad.  Despite good stuff and pedestrian ratios (6.7 K/9, 2.9 BB/9), he put up some of the worst stats in recent history.  A 7.57 ERA in 79 innings during the year of the pitcher!  It was a 54 ERA+ (adjusted for park and era) which stands as the 5th worst ERA+ since 1945 for pitchers with 79+ IP.  It’s hard to say how much of his .353 BABIP was because he threw down the middle or back luck but let’s just say the latter.  It seemed like luck was balancing out in his first three starts this year as he went 2-0 despite throwing 6 Ks and 12 BBs in 22 innings.  But excluding an ugly win in Colorado (where just about every non-ace should be benched), his last three starts – including last nights 5-hit shutout – have shown significant progress.  In those 18 2/3 IP, he’s K’d 17 and walked 7.  So let your league mates focus on his ghastly K:BB for the season while you get him on the cheap.  I’d still bench him during bad match-ups but he looks primed to be a solid 5th/6th SP in shallow leagues.

Onto other fantasy baseball news….

Jake Peavy - A 3 hit shutout with 8 Ks against the Indians who’ve recently been scalping opposing pitchers.  To quote the great Larry King, “Sorry Mr. Westbrook but the best Jake pitching today is Jake Peavy”.

Bartolo Colon- How fitting.  Jake has his first great comeback start and the Fatman nearly matches him (8 innings, 0 ER, 3 hits).  Now they just need to thank their doctor who I think first starred in the Six Million Dollar Man.

Pedro Alvarez – 3-run HR for Alvy.  Maybe he’s finally figuring out how to get the lobster in the pot.  Reminds of this old joke about two elderly Pirate fans sitting on the Roberto Clemente Bridge.  One of them says, “Boy, the Pirates’ <fill in 3rd baseman> has been really terrible.”  The other says, “Yeah, I know, and too few at-bats.”

Jon Niese – 7 shutout innings with 7 Ks.  You made your Aunt and Uncle proud!

Matt Holliday and Lance Berkman - Yes, the Cardinals were victorious against the Astros and Bud Norris (with that last name, shouldn’t he be a Texas Ranger?) but both Holliday (quad) and Berkman (wrist) were out of the game by the 5th inning.  Much like the rest of our existences, they are ‘day-to-day’.  Bud Norris must’ve roundhouse kicked them with his mind.

Mark DeRosa – Left the game in the middle of an at-bat when he re-strained his wrist.  That hurts more than having your wrist restrained – depending on who’s doing it.  If it’s Mrs. DeRosa, I would not be check-swinging.  The official announcement is ‘day-to-day’ but I’d move the versatile DeRosa to ‘Left Out’ in all but NL-only leagues (where we unfortunately have him).

Kyle Lohse – Another strong (8 innings, 1 ER, 7 baserunners) yet not dominant (3 Ks) start.  He should change his last name to Wihn.  He’s now 5-2 with a crazy low BABIP (somewhere in the .215 range).  His ERA/WHIP might be due for regression but he’s still worth starting while he’s on this streak.

Craig Kimbrel – Okay, maybe it’s officially time to start worrying.  Tonight was blown save #4 and it was an ugly one – 2 ER & 4 hits  in 1/3 of an inning to spoil the Braves second straight extra inning victory.  This is after Jonny Venters threw two shutout innings in the 9th and 10th.  If it weren’t for the anti-lefty sentiment that fuels closer decisions and McCarthyism, Venters would be closer by now.  But my guess is Kimbrel won’t be a fugitive from the closer role as he’d been dominant his previous 4 outings (4 IP, 1 hit, 9 Ks).

Mark Reynolds – 0 for 5 with 2 Ks and a BB in the Orioles 15 inning loss to the Yanks.  He did manage his 2nd sB of the year but his average now stands at .184.  To those of you who said he couldn’t repeat last year’s .198 AVG, well, I guess you’re still technically correct.

Julio Teheran – 4 innings, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, and 1 strikeout.  This is after his first start where he threw 4 2/3 innings and managed 1 strikeout.  I know it sounds pervy but I’d trade in this 20 year-old phenom for a Minor.

Yovani Gallardo – A six inning win with 2 ER and 9 Ks.  That’s three straight wins for Yovani.  Have we finally seen the end of his evil telenovela twin – Oyvani Goneyardo?

Elliot Johnson - 2-3 with 3 RBIs as he started for the 3rd straight night.  Sam Fuld might be Mr. April but looks like someone is auditioning hard for Mr. May (TM to Dave Winfield).

Trevor Plouffe – 2 for 4 with 3 RBIs.  He’s shown some power in the minors (15 HRs in 445 AAA ABs last year) and a K-rate (22%) that screams .250-.260.  So, best case, he’s a J.J. Hardy in hi prime type.  Worst case, he’s 2011 J.J. Hardy.  Either way, I don’t think anyone minds seeing Gardenhire say “See ya” to Casilla when Nishioka comes back.

Neftali Feliz – A blown save after Hosmer took him deep to star the 9th.  Ron Washington was tempted to bring in Arthur Rhodes to face the lefty rookie but, when he approached him, Rhodes responded in a world-weary voice, “I’m getting too old for this s**t” and shared how he plans to spend his retirement.

Michael Dunn - Quick shoutout to the Mr. B‘s.  Dunn now has 25 Ks in 19 innings this year.  He can come in handy in daily leagues where you need K’s.

Clay Buchholz – Unlike Steve Howe and Dwight Gooden, Buchholz was able to go face-to-face against Coke and come out unharmed (7 shutout innings, no decision).  Buchholz is pitching well of late (he’d won four of his last 5).  More importantly, he’s been putting up some K’s (he’s now averaged 6 in his last 3 games).  His K/9 and BB/9 ratios were very average last year (6.2 and 3.5 respectively) and they’ve been about the same this year.  If he can keep K’ing guys like he has in the past 3 games, his value goes up significantly.

Danny Duffy - Making his first major league start, you can imagine the pressure Double-D must’ve felt to fit in with his Royal teammates.  4 innings and 10 baserunners (including 6 walks) later….son,  you’re going to fit in just fine.  Ignore for 10/12-team mixed leagues but I’d keep an eye on him for deeper leagues.

Scott Hairston – Is it me or does this guy have the face of an anthropomorphic frog?  No wonder why he’s an outfield while his father and brother are infielders – he’s a natural at shagging flies.

Cliff Lee aka The Adverb got through the Gnats like a subject and a predicate.  Pitches so sharp, Lee will cut your head off.  Selig is the commissioner.  You no wanna start Leezy, he is the Finisher.  Stop playin’, he do it like a King do.  Pitch!  Lee flow like scuba, pitch, Lee’s bold like Cuba and The Adverb blow right through ya!  Sorry, I kinda love that song and I’m not even a huge Lil’ Wayne fan.  (Note:  Rudy just read that and needs Chad Billingsley’s grandmother Barbara to help translate that jive like in Airplane) Any the hootie hoo!  For fantasy purposes, there’s not much to say.  The Adverb lit up the scoreboard… Brilliant Lee.  He’s a number one.  You knew that.  Moving on, snitches.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Aroldis Chapman – After first being reported here after inferring shizz from other news sources, Aroldis is being shutdown for a few days.  Doctors are saying he got Dustied.

Joe Mauer – Twins said that Mauer sat out because he’s sore.  See, Cuddyer was saying about some girl in the stands, “I’d like to see Mauer of that girl…..in my bed!” and it turned out to be Mauer’s sister, so Mauer got all sore.  Or maybe it’s worse because he went on the DL.  So what’s the over/under on the amount of games that Joe Mauer plays at catcher before he’s moved to 1B, 3B, or DH?  500 games?

Nick Markakis – 3 for 5, 3 RBIs, 2 runs, 1 HR.  You can’t start a fire without a Sparkakis!

Phil Hughes – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  I’m seeing people start to drop Hughes.  From someone who doesn’t like to overreact to early season woes/whoas, I can understand losing Hughes.

Jose Reyes – Had the always satisfying slam & legs on the first side of the doubleheader.  Nom nom nom.

Scott Hairston – 3-for-7, 3 RBIs and a HR playing both games.  I told Rudy he’s the best current Mets outfielder and he said that was the top five stupidest things I’ve ever said.  I think it was top six.

R.A. Dickey – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Dickey sucks!  Hahahahahaha… That’s gold!!!  Oh, my God, breathe, Grey, breathe!  Okay.  I’m good.  So juvenile.  That joke is like Chinese food, I don’t even remember what I was laughing at ten seconds later.  Let me reread the beginning.  Oh, that’s right!  Hahahahahahaha…  That’s gold!!!

Brad Emaus – 1-for-5 along with two bobbles on potentially inning-ending double plays that cost the Mets about 6 runs.  Amazing how much he looks like Dan Uggla, only he’s not.  He’s a poor man’s Dan Uggla.  That poor man is Jeff Wilpon.

Jordan Zimmermann – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Looking like a genius telling everyone to draft him.  Not looking like a genius by telling most of you to bench him vs. the Phillies.  Back to square one on my quest to look smarter than I actually am.

Carl Pavano – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Terrific!  Spectacular!  Hyperbole!  The team he was facing has one hitter batting over .300 and his name is Sam Fuld.  Fuld the love of God!

Brandon Beachy – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 8 Ks.  I get the urge to want to drop him, but in most leagues I would hold him for another start or two.  He’s got good stuff, it’s a long season, yadda³.

Greg Reynolds – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K.  Now back-to-back solid starts.  I’m gonna be honest with you, if he were Latin, I’d be all over this guy.  Change his name to Jorge Renaldo and you’d pick him up too.  Don’t lie, you mentirosa.

Jon Herrera – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs with a homer.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  He’s be on the right side, which is to say the left side.

Troy Tulowitzki – Hit his 6th and 7th homers yesterday.  Have some pierogies, you’ve earned them!

Bruce Chen - Now 2-0 after 8 innings of no earned run pitching on one strikeout.  It was against the Mariners.  Translating that against a real offense, that’s a 5.00 ERA, 2 HRs allowed, and -5 strikeouts.  If you stream pitchers, I’d just pick up anyone against the Mariners.  Pitching against them is like playing tetherball against a guy in a strait jacket.

Bud Norris – 6 shutout innings with 7 Ks against the Padres.  Pitching against the Padres offense is like playing tetherball against a girl in a strait jacket.

Jorge Posada - Tied the game in the 9th with a solo HR off Kevin Gregg.  All the man does is hit HRs.  7 hits on the year, 5 HRs.  If he’s going to do that and stay catcher eligible, he’s going to have to start paying royalties to Rod Barajas and Miguel Olivo.  Maybe he thinks DH stands for Designated Homerer.

Kyle Farnsworth - Happy days in Tampa as the Farns gets the sphinctory as Potsy (Johnny Damon) hit a 2-run walkoff to get the win.  Don’t worry.  The ‘jump the shark’ episode where Farnsy gives up backbreaking HRs will come soon enough.  But until then, SAGNOF!

Joe Nathan/Matt Capps - How do you play Loser’s Poker?  It’s something like this…..Nathan “I raise you 2 ER and a blown save.”.  Matt Capps, “I see your 2 ER + blown save and raise you a loss on a walkoff HR!”.

Jamey Carroll – Don Mattingly knows greatness from the leadoff position from his days with Rickey Henderson.  So it must be that much worse to have to pencil in Jamey Carroll as the leadoff hitter.  Carroll barely qualifies for a MLB utility role but he did managed to go 2-4 with 2 runs and a SB last night – not to mention recite a punchy obituary list of ex-Dodgers (Steve was sniffing coke since he was just a rookie….)

Matt Kemp – Slam and legs!  Now has 8 SBs and hitting well over .400.  Memo to SAGNOFs – skip Rihanna and go collect knowledge from Davey Lopes.

Brian McCann - A 3 run HR off Nolasco.  Hitting .340 with 9 RBIs, he’s one of the only expensive catchers (*cough* Mauer *cough*) who’s actually delivering.  Hopefully the Braves sign a pitcher named Watson so fans can hear Chip Caray say “Watson-McCann“.

Randy Wolf - 6 2/3 shutout innings with 10 Ks and only 5 base runners.  After a year and two starts of mediocre performance, I still think he’s a sheep underneath the uniform.

Phil Coke - 7-up, 7 shutout innings down against the A’s for his first win of the year and 2-for-2 in quality starts.  I’m starting to get an Orange Crush on him.

Matt Holliday – 3 for 5 with 2 runs and 3 RBIs.  LaRussa must’ve waxed on and off his appendix scar.

Huston Street – Blew a save.  Rockies are saying he was tired from the previous day.  I can agree to that.  Healthy and well-rested, Street’s solid.  Injured or unwell-rested and he’s not so good.  BTW, I wait until the last game finishes to write these roundups.  I really should move to Hawaii so I can do these roundups at a reasonable hour.  Maybe I’ll live with the Victorinos.  “Mmm, I love how you incorporated pineapple into this dish, Mrs. Victorino.”

Kendrys Morales was so busy running to the DMV to change his name that he will not be ready for the start of the season.  This will give Mark Trumbo an opportunity to get some April at-bats.  You say ho-hum, I say ho-hmm.  Did you see what I did there?  DID YOU!?  Yeah, I’m not sure either.  Trumbo hit 36 home runs in 139 Triple-A games last year.  Sure, that was in the PCL which is like hitting on the moon with an aluminum bat.  Still, 36 homers is nothing to sneeze at unless you’re allergic to power, upside rookies.  In most mixed leagues, Trumbo’s not worth stashing.  But in deeper leagues, I’d absolutely take a flyer that Kendrys has a few more setbacks.  I mean, it’s already taken him way too long to recover.  Who knows?  Maybe Trumbo will Pipp Kendry and mash his way into a regular job.  BTW, with the switch from Kendry to Kendrys, it seems like the “s” that Alexis Rios dropped when he switched to Alex has finally appeared.  Be interesting to see where the “i” shows up at.  I’m guessing there’s going to be a new San Fran outfielder, Cody Rossi.  Anyway, here’s what else is going on in fantasy baseball:

Scott Downs – Broke his toe.  Downs goes… Um, Downs.

Scott Hairston – Sticking with the newly established Scott theme, Beltran is going to start the year on the disabled list.  It’s not official.  I’m Cust kayin’ here.  Right now, I’d put Beltran’s over/under for games played at 100.  So who do the Mets go to, Scott Hairston, Lucas Duda or Willie Harris?  Is this even a question?  In NL-Only leagues, I’d take a flyer on Hairston for a cheap 10/10 season.

Nyjer Morgan – Riggleman is proving himself to be an enemy of fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!).  In center field, he’s leaning towards starting Rick Ankiel with Roger Bernadina backing him up and Nyjer headed to the minors.  That arrangement is the new blech.  At least Nyjer has steals and Bernandina has 15/20 upside.  Ankiel is a high-teen power, terrible average guy.  He’s useless in just about all leagues.  Nyjer has no one to throw a ball at here but himself since he’s currently not hitting well in spring training.

Brian Roberts – Says his back feels great.  I say wait two weeks until his back no longer feels great.

Billy Butler – Did I say pitchers…I meant platters.

Kevin Millwood – You know the gag in Hall Pass where an unattractive girl surrounds herself with lesser attractive girls to make herself look better?  Okay, now picture that when you hear the news that the Yankees went to watch Kevin Millwood pitch then went back and watched Bartolo Colon.

Will Rhymes – Will start the season at 2nd base for the always-injured Carlos Guillen.  Rhymes had 22 steals in the minors last year in 95 games and zero in 54 major league games.  It’s rhyming and stealing!  Not rhyming and sitting on first!  In AL-Only leagues, I’d take a flyer on Rhymes for some SAGNOF.

Andrew Bailey – Dr. Freeze put Bailey on ice until his forearm feels better.  I.e., no one has any idea when Bailey will be healthy.  I’m guessing he’ll save some games from mid-April to mid-May then hit the DL.

Jake Peavy – Sent a text message to the Chicago Tribune that he’ll be able to resume pitching again on Thursday.  He then challenged the beat writer to a game of Words With Friends.

Danny Espinosa – Should be fine after sustaining a bruised foot, which isn’t half as delicious as a braised foot.

Jason Heyward – Turns out his back is sore because he has less cartilage between discs than the average person.  See, nothing about Heyward is average!  Yeah, that sounds bad but don’t think it’s going to be a real problem for a few years.  Not sure why they couldn’t harvest some cartilage from someone else.  Jeff Francoeur, “It’s so great to see some of my old friends in Spring Training…. Yeah, of course I’m open for a deep tissue massage.”  Then the Braves trainer cackles maniacally.

No, there’s probably no cast in Andre’s future.  I’m not even sure they make casts small enough for the pinkie finger.  That was Pingping‘s downfall, that and the chain smoking.  After Andre Ethier broke a bone in his pinkie, he said something was seriously wrong.  Seriously?  You got a boo-boo on your pinkie!  What, you can’t make shadow animals now?  When he found out what it was, he said that it’s the leverage point of his swing and it would prevent him from holding the bat the way he normally does.  Who’s leverage point is their freakin’ pinkie?!  This is like the pea under the princess’s mattress.  His biggest concern is probably how he can stick his pinkie out while drinking tea.  Ethier could be out for a few weeks or he can play through it.  So he’s damned if he does or a half dozen of the other… Or however that cliché goes.  If it is his leverage point, you don’t want him playing through it.  If he doesn’t play through it, he could be out at least a few weeks.  And here I thought the only time Ethier and the word pinkie would be associated would be from this picture.  Draw your own conclusions, but I’m guessing he’s in Key West.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Chad Billingsley – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  What every pitcher needs, a trip to Petco.

Huston Street – Huston, we have a setback.  We should just call them streetbacks.  This time he strained his groin.  Straining your groin is so adolescent!  Corpas stays the number one option for saves.  He’s by no means safe, but he’s safer than the other options.  Those really hurting for saves can look at Cuddle Boy, Rafael Betancourt.

Jeff Francis – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Definitely worth grabbing in NL-Only and deeper mixed leagues, but, in the end, he’s a mid-4 ERA, 6 K/9 pitcher.  It’s just a’ight.

Brad Lidge – You know those signs that say, “If you lived here, you’d be home right now?”  How about the sign, “If you were Brad Lidge, you’d be injured right now?” Lidge returns to the DL and Jose Contreras continues to fill in the closer role.  Those is desperate need of saves can look at Danys Baez and J.C. Romero too.

J.C. Romero – And J.C. turns a close game into a save.  There were lefties batting and Contreras had pitched two days in a row, so that’s what went on here.  Though it does give you an idea of the pecking order when you’re vulturing.

Jimmy Rollins – To return on Monday.  Assuming he doesn’t share a doctor with Brad Lidge.

Kila Ka’aihue – Was sent back down.  Too bad he couldn’t make the best of his time.  Then again, he was only given 4 at-bats in almost two weeks.  Here’s a prospect, here’s the Royals stunting a prospect’s growth.

Justin Duchscherer – This Justin, probably out for the season with his grandma hip.

Jack Cust – 2-for-3 as he returns to the A’s.  He missed almost 40 games, so how long until you think he leads the club in homers?  Week and a half?  2 weeks?  If you need power, I’d grab him.  Also, everyone in OBP leagues should obviously pick him up.

Scott Hairston – Looks to be headed to the DL with the dreaded strained hamstring.  This will free up playing time for Venable and Gwynn.  Though I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Carlos Guillen – As reported here first after reading it elsewhere, Guillen will play 2nd base when he returns next week.  Scott Sizemore is no more as he was optioned to the minors.

Brennan Boesch – Now batting .380 over 71 ABs.  Member when I effused praise, but hedged that Boesch had no playing time when Guillen returned?  Yeah, that’s old news, friend.  Boesch should play every day as long as he continues to hit.  I’d grab him in most 12 team leagues and deeper.

Max Scherzer – The Tigers weatherman called for a flurry of moves this weekend, huh?  Scherzer was sent to the minors.  If you owned him, it’s your own fault.  I couldn’t have been more vocal about why I was avoiding him this year.  At least now he’s done Pwnsoning you.  Replacing him…

Armando Galarraga – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He’s a 4.50+ ERA pitcher with a bleh K-rate.  I’d ignore in all leagues, except AL-Only ones.

Scott Olsen – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Very respectable start against a team that is good vs. lefties and even better at home.  I’d own Olsen in the shallowest of leagues.

Tyler Clippard – 1 1/3 IP, 1 ER as he got the loss.  What a decision hog!

Willy Taveras – The Nats DFA’d, which is baseball’s acronym for “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

Drew Storen – Called up to the majors.  Storen won’t see any saves unless there’s a total collCapps.  Not if there’s just some hicCapps.

Carlos Quentin – I don’t know what’s worst, that Quentin missed his third straight game with a stomach problem or that I was glad Quentin missed three straight.

Gavin Floyd – 6 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks and now has a 7.00 ERA on the year.  I think change gonna come, nephew, but I wouldn’t wait for it with him on my team.  Let him correct himself on waivers.

Alex Rios – 3-for-4, and his 7th homer while he has 12 steals.  It is my belief that James Shields and Alex Rios are conspiring to drive me crazy.

Alexei Ramirez – Now 5 for his last 7.  It took him until around this time last year to get hot.  Cust kayin’.

Grady Sizemore – Should be day-to-day after he left the game with a left knee contusion.  No word on how he suffered it, but my guess is one of his fantasy baseball owners Tonya Harding’d him.

Russell Branyan – Hit his 4th homer on the year yesterday and his 3rd this week.  Trust me, I wouldn’t mention some of these guys if they weren’t worth owning immediately.  I grabbed Branyan in a few leagues last Thursday, if that helps the medicine go down.

Jake Westbrook – 9 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Before this start, he had a 23:19 K:BB rate, which is bad.  His WHIP is 1.51.  I wouldn’t own him with your team.

Luke Scott – 3-for-4, as he hit his 7th homer yesterday and his 4th homer in his last 7 games.  Another guy who is only worth owning while he’s hitting.  Currently, he’s hitting.

Brad Penny – 5 IP, 7 ER, 14 baserunners, 7 Ks.  That’s not a pretty Penny.

Jonny Gomes – 2-for-3 and batting .350 on the week.  He’s been playing every day and, even if he wasn’t, interleague is coming up so he’d play then.  (BTW, a interleague post is coming this week about guys to start and sit.)

Bronson Arroyo – 9 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. a slumping Cards team.  I’d continue to avoid Arroyo until after the All-Star Break.

Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks.  His WHIP is hideous (1.68), but I’d grab him in leagues where you need Ks.  Right now, 54 Ks in 41 innings.  For you noobs, that’s really good.  In fact, it’s the best K-rate in the major leagues.  Yes, better than Lincecum.

Mariano Rivera – 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Oh, Mo.  Hasn’t saved a game in May then this dreckitude.  Joba wasn’t much better in this game, but continue to hold Joba just in case Rivera’s hurt.  On an amusing side note, my grandfather’s real name is Mariano.  Not Panamanian, but Italian.  Hey, paisan!  But he hasn’t gone by Mariano since he was a kid, opting for Joe.  He says Mariano sounds too Italian, even though he has no problem wearing self-tanning lotion to “darken his complexion.”  Yes, my grandfather is C. Thomas Howell from Soul Man.

Gaby Sanchez – Went 9-for-17 this weekend, Maybin went 5-for-12 with 6 RBIs.  As I told someone in the comments this weekend, I have no idea if this is a good sign for the Marlin youngsters or a bad sign for the Mets pitching.  And that’s me paraphrasing me!

Dan Haren – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Did he see his shadow and think it was after the All-Star Break?

Martin Prado – 4-for-6, 2 Runs, 3 RBIs and 2 Homers.  I wouldn’t own Prado just because of the complete lack of speed, but if you need average or Runs, that’s what Prado gives you.  Pretty yawnstipating, but he is what he is.

Troy Glaus – 3-for-5, 2 Runs, 2 RBIs as he was another guy who homered that showed up in Friday’s Buy/Sell.

Jon Niese – Left the game yesterday after getting hamstrung.

Jose Reyes – Moved back to the leadoff spot, which left a void in the heart of the lineup.  Batting 4th for the Mets?  It’s a sci-fi mystery scripted by Chris Carter.

Ryan Dempster hits the DL with a broken toe.  No word on how he hurt it, but Cubs fans are blaming Milton Bradley, Milton Bradley’s blaming an Italian Beef sandwich he ate in March but the Italian Beef sandwich refuses to play The Blame Game.  Way to take the high road, Italian Beef sandwich!  Dempster was at 5-5/4.09/1.37/89 through 105 2/3 innings.  Now he’s out until late-July at the earliest.  If you have a DL spot, go for it.  With a non-arm injury, I wouldn’t be too concerned about Dempster coming back and doing pretty much what he’s been doing so far, which is, well, I just told you.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mark DeRosa – Went to the DL.  It’s a move they were calling “precautionary” and they’re “very optimistic.”  They expected him back right after the “All-Star break.”  DeRosa wanted to play but the “doctors” “said” “he” “shouldn’t.”  Hopefully, his “wrist” will be “fine.”  Then it turned out there was a reason they put everything in quotes as it was all lies and he could be out for a month with a torn tendon sheath.

Tony Pena – Traded to the White Sox.  The Sox now have four setup men.  Guess if they ever have two doubleheaders in one day, they’re set.

Ronald Belisario – Headed for an MRI.  Geez, usually Torre can overwork his relievers for at least one season.  Luis Vizcaino, Scott Proctor and Ron Villone never needed no stinkin’ MRI.

Jose Reyes – Received a cortisone shot.  Supposedly this will push his return back at least another couple of weeks.  Though when Upton received a cortisone shot before the playoffs, it was a boost.  Guess different body parts react differently to cortisone shots.  Glad I didn’t get a cortisone shot in my fingers so I could write the best post ever.

Carlos Beltran – Was seen sharing the same news story as Jose Reyes.  He’s also in no rush to return.  Guess he doesn’t own himself in multiple leagues like me.  If I find out Beltran owns me in a fantasy baseball bloggers league, I’m going on the 60-day DL.

Freddy Sanchez – Has missed five straight games with a back strain.  Since this is all about me, let me say this really leaves me with very few options in a deep league where I own Freddy.  Get well soon, Dirty Sanchez!

Brandon Phillips – 2 HRs.  After his 2nd homer, he pointed into the catcher’s mitt and called the 2nd strikeout for Jay Bruce.

Marc Rzepczynski – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, 4 walks.  Solid strikeout numbers in the minors, but a bit wild.  He averaged over 10 K/9, but over 4 BB/9.  And, like your Mom’s cooking, he’s under-seasoned.  He’s worth a flier in AL-Only leagues, but I’d avoid him in mixed leagues for now.  Oh, and so you can impress your friends, pronounce his last name the same as Kzepczynski, but with an R.

Vladimir Guerrero – For some reason, the Angels had Ron Kovic in the outfield.  That didn’t go well.  He limped off the field in the 8th inning from discomfort in his knee.  If you own him, hope the Angels say it’s only day-to-day, which would be only a 15-day DL trip.

Juan Rivera – 2 HRs, up to 16 HRs.  Rivera’s a solid option when healthy and hitting.  He’s currently doing both.  He’s also 31-years-old and has never hit more than 23 HRs in a season because he never stays healthy.  Can he this year?  Maybe.  Maybe he’s this year’s Ludwick.  But even if he stays healthy, he has no speed and goes ice cold for extended stretches, like last year when he hit 6 homers and batted .248 in August and September combined.

Erik Bedard – 4 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  On a pitch count, you can’t ask for much better of a start.  Looks solid going forward, if he stays healthy.  The same was once said of Rickie Weeks.

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu hit another homer yesterday.  Get’m while they’re hot.

Justin Verlander – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks.  I wish I owned a guy that would strikeout 11 in 6 innings.  Owned in the non-biblical way.

Pat Burrell – Hit his 4th homer yesterday.  Has 20ish more to get.

Jason Bay – HR and 2 steals yesterday.  He’s at 20/8 with 71 RBIs.  If he gets to 35/15 with 130 RBIs, he’s going in the 2nd round next year.  Crazy, right?  Want crazier?  Just wait until Shaughnessy runs with that story in September.  You thought Jim Rice in the Hall was crazy; Bay could win the MVP.

Scott Hairston – HR yesterday.  Since Kris Davis went off to the minors, we lost our Reynolds vs. Davis K race, so I have a new one.  Hairston vs. Holliday, the HR race.  Hairston’s up by 3.  Yes, if you traded Holliday for, say, Rollins and picked up Hairston off waivers, you’d be doing better right now.  This is you.  This is you owning Holliday and doing a double take.

Alfredo Aceves – Will start for Wang on Thursday.  So, he goes, what?  60 pitches?  Worth grabbing in H2H leagues and AL-Only, but I’m not bothering with him in mixed leagues.

Scott Baker – 3 IP, 5 ER.  The troubling aspect (or positive, depending on your POV) is he didn’t give up any homers.  Usually if he’s hit hard, it’s because of HRs.  Think you can just chalk it up to a tough lineup and him having a bad day.

Barry Zito – 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits vs. the Marlins sans Hanley or Sansley, for those portmanteau lovers out there.

Blake DeWitt – HR yesterday as his Mom, Joyce DeWitt was arrested for a DUI.  If only Joba had such fortitude…

David Wright – 0-for-3, batting .050 in July.  C’mon, Alex Cora can only do so much.

Kevin Correia – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks.  Eh, it was an okay start.  He gets the Giants next, so I’m holding tight for that start.

Luke Scott – HR yesterday and 7 RBIs.  He was almost benched in one league of ours.  Luckily, Glass Chipper didn’t play.

Garrett Jones – 2-for-3, 2 steals. He’s not a pure steal guy, but he does have 15-steal speed.  So it’s a great sign that he’s using that speed, unlike Rasmus, another rookie with 15-steal speed who only has one steal on the year.  As mentioned a few days ago, I own Jones.

Grady Sizemore – 2 HRs.  I said Sell him!  Oh, wait.  No, I’m not backing off on that.  If he has the slightest setback, the Indians will shut him down faster than you can say Rzepczynski.

Paul Konerko – 3 HRs.  Seems like he’s doing for the White Sox what Branyan’s doing for the other side of the plate in Seattle.  Has anyone seen them in the same place at the same time?  Things that make you say hmm…

Bartolo Colon – Yesterday news said, White Sox GM unsure of Colon’s location.  Hey, Kenny, it’s in the large intestine.