Fantasy Baseball Advice

I blame the media: every manager has an itchy trigger finger early in the season when it comes to the bullpen. Or I blame myself and everyone else who obsesses over fantasy as we’ve created a culture where 5.2 IPs are something that need to be dissected and reacted to as if a reliever is only going to throw 10 innings, not 60-80 innings, in a season.

That said, that’s the culture we’re in. Fantasy baseball owners need to be nimble and react and jump on potential closers. With that in mind, let’s get bold and look down the line at which RPs will emerge as saviors.

As always, check the bottom of the column for the BS meter, which will track blown saves for relevant relievers all season long. As you’ll note in the nifty third-grade-level chart, only 16 subjectively “relevant” relievers have blown 2 or more saves. Of those, nine were closers to start the year. Oddly, Scott Downs has two blown saves and the pitcher he replaced, Jordan Walden, has only blown one.

Oakland Athletics: In two of his last four outings, Grant Balfour has blown saves. It has actually been worse than that, as Balfour has pitched 2.1 IPs, allowed six hits, six runs and walked three batters during that span. His ERA rose from 1.50 to 4.72. That said, he’s getting hurt by more HRs than should be expected and he’s walking a few more batters. While there’s a small decline in his fastball velocity, his swinging strike percentage remains constant. The Athletics need Balfour to close to trade him, so he is in no immediate danger of losing the chance at saves. His manager said as much after Tuesday’s debacle. However, he will likely get traded or demoted after the trade deadline if the A’s can’t move him, which would give Ryan Cook save chances. A lot can happen between now and then, but he’s worth a stash. Cook, just 24, came over in the Trevor Cahill trade. He has always walked a ton of people, but, at least, he’s posted great K-rates along the way, and, so far, a hot-air balloon-sized walk rate hasn’t hampered him. At the end of the year, Cook will have 65 K’s, a 3.90 ERA and a 1.37 WHIP. Update: Fuentes got the save opportunity against Boston in a cushy three-run game last night. He gave up a hit on a weak grounder, an RBI double to Dustin Pedroia but otherwise perfect. Cook pitched the 8th and, until the trade deadline, might be behind Fuentes for save chances. I’d still prefer Cook as the handcuff/speculative add as Fuentes is nothing but a slightly better LOOGY.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: As noted, Scott Downs is now the closer for the Angels. However, everything coming from the Angels seems to suggest this is a temporary move. Downs is doing his best to keep the job and is a short term stash, however the chances he stays the closer all year are probably under 50%. Recently Mike Scioscia said it wouldn’t take long for Walden to rediscover his “mojo” (the media didn’t ask how that 2011 form, which included 10 blown saves, differed from his 2012 form). Walden is also the “future” at closer, so he’ll get some shots unless Downs is just amazing (which he isn’t). In addition, word is the Angels have kicked the tires on a variety of RPs: Joel Hanrahan, Brandon League, Balfour and Huston Street. If the Angels continue to scuffle and the bullpen gets painted as the culprit, expect the Angels to make a cosmetic move to make up for it. If you can trade Walden or Downs, that makes sense. If not, hold them and hope Albert Pujols decides to be El Hombre.

Los Angeles Dodgers: Sometimes actions speak louder than words and sometimes they don’t. Don Mattingly gave Kenley Jansen all the save chances over the weekend, while a seemingly rested Javy Guerra was available. Jansen, because he’s one of the best relievers in baseball, acquitted himself quite well. Then, of course, in a tight game in the ninth against the Rockies, Mattingly went to Guerra who pitched a decent frame. Guerra has allowed 10 hits over his last 3 innings and has a 5.56 ERA. Still, Guerra will get most of the easy saves and a few of the toughies. Given Jansen’s ability and decent shot at double digit saves, he’s worth owning everywhere. In addition, I’d try to work a trade for Jansen based on Guerra’s latest save.

Chicago White Sox: Robin Ventura has put himself in a corner with this Hector Santiago business. While he maintains Santiago is the closer, Matt Thornton recently got save opportunities against lefty-heavy/tough line-ups. Santiago was then given an inning of work on Tuesday, put three batters on base and narrowly escaped without allowing a run. He hasn’t pitched in a high leverage spot since April 25. At the moment, the rosiest glasses picture Santiago on the good side of a platoon with Thornton. Of course, Thornton gave up a couple of runs, including a HR to lefty Travis Hafner last night. Meanwhile, Addison Reed is straight killing it. Go all in on Reed, as he’ll emerge quickly as the guy who gets 80% of the save chances during the season. For those of you in dynasty leagues or intense save formats, check out Dylan Axelrod. From my Wikipedia research, that is not a made-up name. Axelrod has been a starter in recent history and has shown he can control the strike-zone.Ventura first chose his fourth best reliever to close, so stranger things have already happened.

New York Mets: I continue to maintain that the only thing that will stop Frank Francisco from closing all year is his health. Of course, he now has a bizarre hamstring issue that the Mets are claiming is a result of dehydration because of their trip to Colorado. That sounds fishy, but, according to Terry Collins, Francisco was available on Tuesday. Frank Franc hasn’t pitched since April 29 when he got the awesome blown save-win, and, before that, he converted two saves in a row. Since the 29th, the Mets haven’t won a game, but Jon Rauch and Bobby Parnell have pitched well. Given how bad the Mets are, speculation on this bullpen is near fruitless. I wouldn’t mind betting on Parnell in a league where most middle relievers are owned.

Minnesota Twins: Has there been more ink wasted on anything as useless as the Twins closer situation? Matt Capps has been horrible but hasn’t pitched in a high leverage spot since April 23 and hasn’t had a save opportunity since April 20. Startlingly, Capps hasn’t actually blown a save this season and is a perfect 4/4. Meanwhile, popular handcuff Glen Perkins is off to a tough start as well. If you’re in a dynasty league that can stash minor leaguers, check out Deolis Guerra. I know, “another Guerra,” but who doesn’t love war? Besides pacifists, I mean. Guerra earned a quick promotion from AA to AAA and could be in the majors later this year. If there’s a true future closer in the Twins organization, my money is on Guerra.

Miami Marlins: Holy crap, Heath Bell pitched a clean inning in a save opportunity. It should be noted that Edward Mujica got the hold in the game, while the younger Steve Cishek sat on the bench. Bell has a long leash, so if you’re going to burn a roster spot on a pitcher, take the better guy: Cishek.

Pittsburgh Pirates: With the Pirates going nowhere fast, Joel Hanrahan could very well be traded. While Juan Cruz seems like the add, I’d actually bet on Jason Grilli. Grilli has recorded a hold in each of Hanrahan’s saves. In addition, he has been fantastic: posting a 15.0 K:BB rate. He’s not that good (no one is), but he could finish with a 3.30 ERA, 1.17 WHIP and 70 K’s. If you’re stashing grab Grilli.

San Diego Padres: Huston Street should be traded this year. If he gets moved, Andrew Cashner and Ernesto Frieri are the likeliest to step in a close. I prefer Frieri, who has paired great K-rates with dangerous walk rates. However, you can succeed with high walk rates in Petco (just ask Heath Bell). At the end of the year, I expect a 3.05 ERA, 1.25 WHIP and 85 K’s for Frieri. As for Cashner, if you thought Frieri walked a ton of batters, just wait. So far, Cashner has been walking the tight rope with a 6.39 BB/9 rate. At the end of the year, he’ll have a 3.60 ERA, 1.38 WHIP and 68 K’s. In addition, Cashner was acquired to start, not relieve. Consequently, there shouldn’t be much pressure on the Padres to put Cashner in that role, while Frieri could be the “closer of the future.”

Seattle Mariners: Tom Wilhelmsen is about nine months younger than Brandon League. You would think either would be available at the trade deadline. Naturally, if League is dealt, Wilhelmsen is the man. He is off to a good start, increasing his strike-outs and improving his command. He’ll be good for 75 K’s, a 3.50 ERA and 1.25 WHIP. Given his skill set and K potential, he’s worth owning right now.

Colorado Rockies: Rafael Betancourt blew a save in rather spectacular fashion yesterday: he allowed two runs on two hits and two walks. He did strike-out the side, so there’s that. His ERA sits at 2.45 after the disastrous outing, so there’s not much to be seen here.  Both Matt Belilse and Rex Brothers had their problems as well.

Tampa Bay Rays: Kyle Farnsworth is on the 60 day DL and Fernando Rodney is dealing. What is the world coming to?

Well, not much has changed for closers since last month when we did a run down of all of them.  Kimbrel got a save, Axford got a save, and everyone else sucks.  Holly Robinson Peete closers are a mess!  I don’t think there’s ever been so many Brain Freezes before.  I almost feel like adding an extra category below the Brain Freezes called, “The Legend of Gloom.”  Wha’ happened?  Did someone poison the bullpen water?  Has Mariano Rivera made it so when he retires there won’t be any more closers?  There will only be starters and “Those Other Guys.”  To recap this month in closing quickly:  Valverde has been less than stellar, Putz and Street just don’t close games, Motte hasn’t been good, Brian Wilson became Casilla who Bochy pulled after one batter during one game, Joel Hanrahananananan gave fantasy owners the question, “Who’s Juan Cruz?”, Sergio Santos may start throwing at some point in the next few weeks, the Red Sox gave the job to someone who has an over 10 ERA, Frank-Frank hasn’t had a blank-blank inning in forever, Kyle Farnsworth left stage right and Rodney, who couldn’t get saves last year, entered stage “I can’t believe Rodney’s closing games,” Guerra’s been about as bad as expected, Walden blew one save and lost the job, What the H. Santiago?, What the H. Bell?, Grant Balfour might get traded, Jim Johnson gave fantasy owners the question, “Juan Cruz or Pedro Strop?  Wait, who?”, the closers on terrible teams have looked good so they’ll probably be traded or just not save games, and Brad Lidge is afraid of heights and the mound is above the field so he went to the DL which is on sea level.  Got all of that?  Yeah, I’m not sure I did either.  Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel (Jonny Venters, Kris Medlen)
2. John Axford (Francisco Rodriguez)
3. Mariano Rivera (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano)
4. Jonathon Papelbon (Antonio Bastardo, Chad Qualls)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

5. Huston Street (+3) (Luke Gregerson, Andrew Cashner)
6. Jim Johnson (+15) (Pedro Strop, Matt Lindstrom)
7. Joel Hanrahan (+4) (Juan Cruz, Jason Grilli)
8. J.J. Putz (-2) (David Hernandez, Bryan Shaw)
9. Jason Motte (-1) (Fernando Salas, Mitchell Boggs)
10. Jose Valverde (-6) (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel)
11. Rafael Betancourt (+7) (Rex Brothers)
12. Brandon League (+6) (Tom Wilhelmsen)
13. Fernando Rodney (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
14. Grant Balfour (+6) (Brian Fuentes, Ryan Cook)
15. Brett Myers (+8) (David Carpenter, Brandon Lyon)
16. Joe Nathan (+6) (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando)
17. Kenley Jansen/Javy Guerra (+2) (Matt Guerrier)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Matt Capps– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Valencia in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

18. Sean Marshall (+3) (Aroldis Chapman, Jose Arredondo)
19. Santiago Casilla (-10) (Sergio Romo, Jeremy Affeldt)
20. Chris Perez (+4) (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp)
21. Matt Capps (+6) (Glen Perkins, Jared Burton)
22. Jonathan Broxton (+6) (Aaron Crow)
23. Henry Rodriguez (+6) (Tyler Clippard, Brad Lidge)
24. Frank Francisco (-8) (Jon Rauch, Bobby Parnell, Ramon Ramirez)
25. Alfredo Aceves (-13) (Franklin Morales, Daniel Bard)
26. Carlos Marmol (-11) (Rafael Dolis, Kerry Wood)
27. Heath Bell (-19) (Steve Cishek, Edward Mujica)
28. Scott Downs (-11) (Jordan Walden, LaTroy Hawkins)
29. Matt Thornton/Hector Santiago (-1) (Addison Reed, Jesse Crain)
30. Francisco Cordero (-15) (Casey Janssen, Luis Perez, Sergio Santos, Lloyd Moseby)

The Master Standings are here!

It would be great if we can attach each team to a Razzball Commenter handle. Please fill out the below form so we can add your handle to the Master Standings page (note: you can also enter this for a leaguemate if you like).

Tennessee Mash (RCL 25) is our early leader with 110 points, followed by Playin’ The Field (Beef SAGNOF!) and The Fredsies (ECFBL). The Mash have been led offensively by Josh Hamilton, who has been a steal so far at pick #40. Earlier they had picked Joey Votto, Carlos Gonzalez, and Jay Bruce. Those 4 have hit .320 with 22 home runs and 73 RBI, and added 10 steals. After drafting Chase Utley in round 5, TM selected their first pitcher, David Price. 9th-round pick Gio Gonzalez has been stellar, with an ERA of 1.82 and WHIP under 1. In the last 9 rounds the Mash added Kenley Jansen, Aroldis Chapman, and Jonny Venters, who have contributed 6 wins, 2 saves, and 62 strikeouts, with an ERA of 1.02. Congratulations, Tennessee Mash!

League Toughness: Also, congratulations to RCL 9, the top league with an LCI of 105. League Competitive Index is based on the total stats for the whole league. The index page can be found here.  The points formula is: HR + SB + R/3 + RBI/3 + (H-.27*AB) + 2*W + 1.5 * SV + K / 5 + IP – (ER+H+BB/ 2).

Waiver Buzz: The Razzball nation was hopping Friday as everyone rushed to pick up new closer Scott Downs and freshly called up youngsters Mike Trout and Bryce Harper. Downs and Harper are 100% owned now, while Mike Trout is on waivers in 1 league.

Expert League: Mastersball Carey (Ryan Carey) continues to lead, but Rudy shot up to second place with a 19.5-point gain. Craig Kimbrel, Santiago Casilla, Zack Greinke and Brandon Morrow led Rudy to a pitching line of 65 K/6 wins/6 saves/2.08/1.20.

Trades: 9 more trades were processed this week, bringing the total to 51 involving 165 players. A 10-player swap in the ECFBL included Jose Reyes, Jose Bautista, Albert Pujols, Matt Holliday, Yovani Gallardo, and Jon Lester. Pujols was also traded in an 8-player deal in RCL 46. Hanley Ramirez and Clayton Kershaw were included in that transaction. Bryce Harper was used as a trade chip in The Dread Pirate Returns. He was dealt with Justin Morneau for Billy Butler. You can find all the trades in the fantasy baseball forums.

Weekly Leaders

All about The WHIP (RCL 43) hit .285 with 55 runs, 18 home runs, 55 RBI, and 4 steals to take offensive honors this week. PETER GAMMONS (RCL 24) had a great pitching line with 16 decisions (11 wins/5 saves) and ratios of 1.80 and 1.09.

Average: .332 (Broth’s  Baseball Stars – Fausto or Roberto?)

Runs: 58 (PublicEnemy #1 – Ones are GOOD right?)

HR: 19 (The Otters – RCL 24)

RBI: 57 (Das Haycist – RCL 20)

SB: 15 (All I Do is Nguyen – RCL 25, Worldwide Suicide – Ones are GOOD right?, Moody Broodies – Sphinctory Staff Inflection )

Ks: 90 (Team Birdis – RCL 3)

Wins: 11 (PETER GAMMONS – RCL 24)

Saves: 11 (Prague Defenestrators – Conshellation Prize)

ERA: 1.03 (Tennessee Mash – RCL 25)

WHIP: 0.69 (Feathered Mudcats – Beef SAGNOF!)

TEAM OF THE WEEK – April 23 – 29
Tennessee Mash (RCL 25)
75/257 (.292) 50 R/14 HR/55 RBI/13 SB	70 IP 63K/7 W/1.03/0.93/9 S
Carlos Gonzalez and Jay Bruce powered Tennessee Mash to the top of the standings with a total of 8 home runs and 21 RBI this week. They also scored 14 runs and stole 4 bases while hitting .432. Tennessee’s pitching was even better, with David Price (2 wins/12 K/1.17/0.85), Brandon Morrow (2 wins/12 K/0.71/1.03), and Gio Gonzalez (1 win/13 K/1.50/1.00) pacing the staff.

Bryce Harper and Mike Trout were called up by their respective clubs this weekend.  When Bryce left Syracuse for his first major league game, the grand opening of the “Eye Black Isn’t Just For The Ultimate Warrior And Owls” store turned into a Going Out of Business sale.  When Mike Trout left Salt Lake for the Angels, Bobby Abreu’s three year Going Out of Business sale came to an abrupt end.  Bobby, “I still have some seven-pitch walks to sell!”  With Trout and Harper called up, the minor leagues were closed.   There’s no more minor leagues.  In his major league debut, Harper looked like all that and a bag of douche.  Who over the age of twelve flips their helmet off when they’re running?  Wait, is he over the age of twelve?  Definitely more auspicious of a debut than Trout’s (or is that inauspicious?).  (NSFWUYWAAPPH (Not Safe For Work Unless You Work At A Porn Production House):  In case you didn’t see it, Harper roped a double to deep center while someone behind home plate dropped their pants.  (Here’s Bryce Harper’s first major league hit in motion.)  I can’t wait to go to Cooperstown in 25 years and see Bryce Harper’s 1st major league hit.   The curator showing a group of middle school kids, “Here’s the film of Babe Ruth calling his shot and here’s Bryce Harper with a booty call.”  In 50 years, Bryce Harper showing his granddaughter, “There’s your PawPaw getting his first major league hit.”  “PawPaw, are you the one with your ass showing?”  “No, sweetheart, that’s how fans celebrated baseball players when I played.  A great time to be alive.”)  Mike Trout, nor the fans behind him, flashed anything.  Whatevs, I like him better for this year.   I went over my Mike Trout fantasy back in November and it mostly still applies.  Only thing I’d change is how many ABs I gave him there.  There I gave him 55/7/30/.270/20 in 300 ABs.  Give him 400 ABs and his stats move to 70/10/40/.275/25.  Basically what you were hoping to get from Bourjos.  That’s giddy up, the un-sarcastic  excitement.  As for Bryce Harper, I like him a lot and he’s worth grabbing.  But he’s also worth trading if you can in redraft leagues.  He hasn’t really pounded minor league pitching since last July.  There were guys on his own minor league roster that were out-performing him.  He’s going to be a great one; I’ll give him that.  I just don’t think once Morse and/or Zimmerman return he’s even going to stay in the majors.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Scott Downs – The Sciosciapath replaced Walden after one blown save.  If only he was as reactionary with over 35-year-old outfielders.  Here’s a scenario:  Downs gets five straight saves and Walden scuffles in a set-up role because his confidence is fractured after being removed from the closer role that quickly.  In that scenario, Downs stays the closer for a few months, maybe the rest of the season.  Another scenario:  Downs blows a game and Walden’s back in there after a week.  More succinctly, you need to hold both guys.  Even more succinctly, hold both.  Personally, I don’t think Sciosciapath’s move is a long-term cure for Scott Downs’ Syndrome.

Peter Bourjos – Didn’t play for the Angels yesterday because of Mike Trout.  Bourjos also didn’t play on my fantasy team, because I cut him immediately when I saw he was losing time to Trout.  Later, schmohawk!  Thanks for the month of the .167 average and 1 homer and 1 steal!   Wish I would’ve known your last name was French for “Bore the crap of youse.”

Albert Pujols – For the first time in his career, Pujols is one day away from having his first homerless month.  Like how Roger Maris’s family followed around McGwire in ’98, Juan Pierre’s family will be following around Pujols.

Kyle Lohse – 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Easily his worst start of the year.  Uh-oh, Mr. April may be done.  Hehe.  That’s punny!

Josh Hamilton – Left yesterday’s game with a stiff back, which is less embarrassing than a stiff front.

Tim Hudson – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Pirates.  Not a tough matchup, but I wouldn’t mind Hudson as a 5th fantasy starter on a team.  He usually keeps his ratios in check and does decent with Ks — or simply oK.

Jay Bruce – 4 homers in 4 straight games with yesterday’s being a slam & legs.  BRUUUUUUU + UUUUUUUUUUU + UUUUUUUUUUU = Excitement for Red Square.  Damn, was supposed to equal excitement for Reds outfielder, Jay Bruce.  Think I forgot to carry a U.

Mat Latos – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners (0 Walks), 4 Ks vs. the Asstros.  Latos seems like a guy who asks you at the bar, “Did you say something to me?” like he’s picking a fight even if you didn’t say anything to him.  Not much to like about his ERA so far either (5.97).  I still want to remain patient with him.  He will get better.

Drew Smyly – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Yankees.  The Emoticon just had a most impressive start on Saturday and has his ERA down for the count of 1.23.  Last week when I said to grab him, it was a bit of a “What the hey, pick him up” waiver wire acquisition.  Now, it’s more of a “What the hey, seriously, pick him up.”  His LOB% is a bit of an eephus that’s about to get smacked, but his K-rate should prevent him from falling too hard.

David Phelps – Will take over for Freddy Garcia in the rotation.  A terrible starter being replaced by a middling middle reliever.  Phelps looks like he might have a 4-ish ERA and a 7-ish K-rate.  Wouldn’t even be news if it was for any team other than the Yankees.  Maybe the Yankees can exact some revenge and trade David Phelps to the Mariners for the rights to Jay Buhner Jr.

Robinson Cano – Batting third for the Yankees for the first month and has 4 RBIs.  Chris Davis got 4 RBIs on Saturday.  The number nine hitter for the Orioles, Andino, has 6 RBIs.  I will now put on a gorilla suit and mail myself to Africa.

Anibal Sanchez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 14 Ks.  I heard Justin Bieber’s Boyfriend song on the radio, and I immediately thought of Anibal.  No lie.  It’s not gay since his name’s Anibal.  It’s gay that I was listening to Bieber.

Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4 with his 1st home run.  Is it bad I actually had to look at three different sites to make sure I was seeing right that he hit a home run?  Yeah, probably.  Now hit nine more tomorrow and we’ll be so cool again.  I’ll even massage your sore knee with my tongue.  What, it’s the strongest muscle!

Josh Johnson – 5 1/3IP, 5 ER.  Obviously got tired of that reputation that he could only pitch well when he was healthy.

Hanley Ramirez – 0-for-3; Jose Reyes – 0-for-3, as they both bat .205 on the year.  Maybe move both of them to 2nd base and let Omar Infante play shortstop and 3rd base.  I’m thinking of creative solutions; don’t kill the messenger.

Max Scherzer – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 3 Ks… Why was he pulled so early?  Oh, 14 baserunners in less than 5 innings.  Wow.  It’s nearly mathematical impossible to have 14 baserunners, only record 14 outs and only allow 3 earned runs.  I hate to give up on him and drop him to waivers, but I’d want to see at least one good start on my bench before starting him in any league.

Matt Thornton – Got the save yesterday.  My over/under for Santiago losing the job was the end of April.  Not too shabby.  Yeah, I do think Thornton takes over, at least that’s what I’ve been writing on this site that you are reading, but as of right now Ventura is still saying Santiago’s the closer.  We shall see.  Or not!  Your choice.

Gavin Floyd – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks as he took a no hitter into the 7th vs. the Red Sox.  But the Red Sox have Nick Punto, Marlon Byrd, Ryan Sweeney, Mike Aviles, Cody Ross and Kelly Shoppach in their lineup!  Somehow the Red Sox have been able to bamboozle fantasy owners into thinking they’re good, even though Sweeney, Aviles, Shoppach, Byrd, Ross and Punto are all guys coming from other teams where they were marginal starters.  Right now, the Red Sox lineup looks like cemetery of fallen fantasy value.

Jake Peavy – 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  If you Google “resurgence,” you’re going to find five articles about Jake Peavy and five about al-Qaeda.  Of those ten articles, 2 mention selling Peavy, 3 mention buying him and 10 mention injuries.

Edwin Encarnacion – Three games in a row with a homer and capped this three-peat (trademark Pat Riley) with a slam & legs yesterday.  I’m really happy for all his owners.  I’m not bitter at all.  I’ll probably get Edwin’s as-of-right-now stats (7 homers, 4 steals) from Ryan Zimmerman by August.  The RZ:  Brand new from Toyota.  Flashy exterior and tons of hype, then, as soon as you drive it off the lot, you regret the purchase and it breaks down for 5 months.

Jose Bautista – 1-for-4 with his 2nd steal as he sits on 3 homers for the year while Omar Infante struts around like Buddy Love.

Kenley Jansen – Got two saves this weekend.  Mattingly’s saying some shizz about Guerra needing a rest.  I’ll say Mattingly needs to give that a rest.  Mattingly seems like the type that can’t admit he was wrong (or so says his Rip Torn-ish looking, mugshot-taking ex-wife), so he may pull one of these deals where he never says Jansen is now the closer, but Jansen just starts getting saves until it’s obvious he’s the closer.

Chris Capuano – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  What’s this the longest post ever?  Maronna mia!  Yeah, I’d pick up Capuano.  Solid Ks in a good pitchers’ park.

Wade Miley – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He’s pitching above his head right now.  Well, he’s not a sidearmer.  Cute, Random Italicized Voice.  I mean, he can’t keep this up.  That’s what she said!  What?  Miley has NL-Only appeal for now, but I’d be careful in mixed leagues.

Gerardo Parra – 2-for-3 with a steal.  You know who Parra is playing like right now?  A guy that is getting a chance to play and wants to prove himself, i.e., he’s building a wall of stats to fend off any other Diamondback options, a *pinkie to mouth* Parra-pet.

Patrick Corbin – He was the pitcher the Diamondbacks called up for Monday’s start, relegating Collmenter to shoveling crap out of the bullpen.  “Hey, Shaw, will you stop pooping on the bullpen mound?”  “Why, we got Collmenter now.”  That was overheard in the D-Backs bullpen this weekend.  Corbin had a solid K/BB and could surprise some major league hitters.  The downside is he’s 15 years old (22) and probably is just a placeholder for Bauer or Skaggs.  BTW, Bauer and Skaggs opened for Big & Rich.  Their big song, “Save a Morse, Ride a LaRoche.”

Dexter Fowler – At four homers, he has 2 more homers than steals.  Fowler also weighs the same as one of Stanton’s thighs.  Cust killin’ myself.

Frank Francisco – Blew the save yesterday as the closepocalypse sweeps through the Mets.  Jesse Orsoco’s house fell on top of Frank Francisco’s legs and Ram-Ram got the save.  I don’t think a change of closer is imminent here, but that’s more because the Mets’ other options haven’t been great and my brain can only compute 17 closer changes per roundup.  Overload!  Overload!  Red alert!  Let me off the closerousel!

Tim Lincecum – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks cutting his ERA to about half what it was two weeks ago.  Sure, this game was against the Padres, who had one good hitter coming into this year and he’s now batting under .200 and in the 7th hole and his name rhymes with Maynotbeasgoodasyouthoughtbin, but I’m guessing it’s too late to buy low on Lincecum.

Wilson Betemit – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in his last three games as he played third and made Reynolds’ excuse, “It’s not me, it’s 3rd base,” look bad.

Matt Garza – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 1 Walk, 10 Ks.  You can’t spell Garza without Rza, so you know he got The W with no help from Ol’ Dirty Barney.

Grant Balfour – 0 IP, 3 ER and his 2nd blown save, Matt Capps just gives up runs for S’s and G’s and, while they might not be in the same team, Carlos Marmol seems to be picking up whatever it is that Collmenter is shoveling.  I don’t think any of them are in serious danger of losing their closer jobs (this week).  All three teams are going nowhere fast and they’d be better served to get to the trading deadline with a closer to trade.

Brandon Inge – About to sign with the A’s.  That’ll fix the A’s!  Goodbye, cellar!  There’s gotta be a Moneyball sequel with the little white kid from The Blind Side playing Inge and Don Swayze playing Billy Beane.

Bartolo Colon – 8 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Remarkable turnaround of his career continues since his fat and bone marrow stem cell surgery.  At what point does Bartolo Colon surgery become as prevalent as Tommy John surgery?  It doesn’t seem like you need an injury to get the surgery either.  Get the surgery and you’re just good.  The doctor who did the surgery is out of Boca Raton, the old Jew shuffleboard capital of the world.  Soon we’re gonna have Ira Shlomowitz and Harvey Edelbaum, once legendary mah-jong players, throwing 95 MPH, and asking the home plate ump if they can go to their mouth, not because it’s cold, but because they need to adjust their dentures.  Having their choice of teams to sign with, Ira says, “I think I’m gonna pitch for the Mariners.  Seattle has great herring.”

Who really doesn’t love a song that isn’t closely related to baseball being the lead in?  I mean I could have made the title Africa, same band, but further from the premise.  So we are onto an update of those every crazy relievers that garner some attention but are like the guys buried in the lower left corner on Hollywood Squares. Sure, they’re useful, but only when you need to go for the win.  These guys aren’t rosterable everywhere because not every league is cool enough to have a Holds category.  Holds are about as wonky to figure out this early in the season as to why BJ and the Bear isn’t still on TV.  Once you get through all the early stretches, you start to see patterns form on the lesser known guys. The big guns for Holds, are guys that are rosterable everywhere and help out with all those hip peripheral numbers that all the stat heads try to figure out in their dorm rooms in between smoking the tweed and Intro to Human Anatomy. So with 4 weeks in, we can see who is setting up who and how they are being used in certain situations.  So enjoy the holds update and how some teams bullpens are breaking down. The NL version will be along shortly.  (Before we get into the Holds post, here’s this week’s FanDuel contest.)

AL East:

Boston - A muddled up mess.  No clear definition is the best I can come up with.  Franklin Morales looks to be the only usable guy outside of when they get the whole Daniel Bard and Afredo Aceves situation in order.  Sleeper guy here is Scott Atchison, he is a hundred years young and has been pretty affective so far.

New York – K-Rob and Soriano should be owned in most hold leagues already.  Look out for Boone Logan, great K rate early on and has started to get more burn with Girardi. Sleeper guy is Cory Wade as he swoops in and vultures all those wins.

Baltimore – Matt Lindstrom is the most popular guy here, but Pedro Strop is the guy to own in Charm City.  Dude throws hard and Baltimore goes to their bullpen often.  Re-tread Luis Ayala has been getting a few 7th inning appearances and could be a sneaky AL-Only guy.

Toronto – CoCo was the main guy, but now he is off to greener pastures.  Until Sergio gets back it looks like Luis Perez is the guy to own here, failed starter turned reliever. 12/4 K/BB rate so far.  Jason Frasor is the veteran presence when all is normal and sees tons of time in front of the closer, whomever it may be.

Tampa Bay – Has the third worst bullpen ERA in the AL.  Joel Peralta is still the favorite for holds, if you can stomach his 10 ERA.  Jake McGee is on the radar but has been very ineffective.

AL Central:

Chicago – I think they have the best set of bullpen arms in MLB.  Crain.  Reed and Thornton have basically been unhittable and Crain is doing his normal thing. Ventura mixes and matches but all 3 should be owned universally.

Detroit – Joaquin Benoit is the guy here, he should have been drafted as a #1 option in holds leagues anyways.  Coke and Dotel are the other options for when Leyland needs a smoke break.  Leyland uses the same set of relievers a ton so expect to see a lot of games from both guys.

Kansas City – Greg Holland was supposed to be the man and he stumbled, enter Aaron Crow.  Has a .161 BAA and should see most set-up chances if they get any.  Sleeper til Holland gets better is Tim Collins, the non alcoholic version of Tom.

Minnesota – Glen Perkins was supposed to be the stalwart here and he has battled both injury and ineffectiveness. Jared Burton has pitched very unheralded because it’s usually Capps who blows the lead after he holds it.

Cleveland – Tons of great arms here to choose from.  Pestano is most likely owned but other usable options are Tony Sipp and Joe Smith. Sleeper here is Jairo Asencio.

AL West:

Oakland – Oakland’s pen has done a nice job so far in front of Balfour.  Ryan Cook leads the team in holds and is the best option moving forward. Blevins and Figueroa are lying in the weeds for low AL Only productivity.

Los Angeles – Scott Downs is the guy to own here.  LaTroy Hawkins  and Kevin Jepsen have contributed early.  Outside of Downs, this is not a bullpen that screams pennant contender.

Seattle – The flame throwing pot smoking Tom Wilhelmsen is the main set-up guy to League.  Sneaky good option Steve Delabar has a comfy 12/0 K/BB rate in the early going, too bad he gave up 4 Hr’s already.  Sleeper here is Lucas Luetge.

Texas - Mike Adams and Alexei Ogando lead the way in holds for baseball and will be used a ton. Underutilized Koji is still very usable and the sleeper here could be Robbie Ross who is the win vulture in the early going.