Spaceman here, and I’ll be keeping tabs on spring training battles to watch by position, in each division. I’ll hopefully convey a common sense approach that assists with your draft prep and roster depth. If not, I’ll head back to my farm in Vermont to sprinkle grass on my pancakes.

Blue Jays

2B Starter: Toronto brought Emilio Bonifacio over in Jeffrey “Expo Killer” Loria’s Miami fire sale, right after signing Maicer Izturis to a 3-year deal. So who’s playing 2B up in Canada? They haven’t committed to either, but G.M. Alex Anthopoulos appears to see Boni in a Utility role. Possibly taking over for Colby Rasmus in CF, should he struggle early on. Probable outcome: With the inside track to 2B, Izturis takes it, giving the Jays options in the OF should Melky Cabrera not perform off the juice. Izturis won’t provide much fantasy value outside of the deepest of leagues or as a late round MI flyer due to the improved offense around him. Whereas Boni should have an impact in leagues of any type, with his perennial base stealing and a nice position eligibility.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Andrew Bailey will need thumb surgery, according to one doctor.  He’s scheduled to get a second opinion today.  That second doctor’s gonna say, “The first doctor and I play golf and he only sent you to me to run up your doctor bills.  Of course you need surgery.”   My opinion is Bailey is always hurt and he’s gonna miss a few months.  When Bailey was first traded to the Sawx in the offseason, I even opined, “When Melancon went to the Sawx, I said, “The GM over in Beantown says Melancon is “capable of closing.”  In big market speak, that means he won’t be the closer.  Melancon is the stereotypical small market closer, big market set-up man.”  Prescient ain’t just a word you need a spell checker for.  It’s a state of mind!  Bailey will be absolutely fine as a closer when he’s healthy, which is to say maybe 4 of 6 months of the season if the Sawx are lucky.”  And that’s me quoting me!  I don’t just bring this up for the Bailey news, but I wanted to say again how the Sawx GM originally pegged Melancon as having closer potential.  Originally, I said he wasn’t a big market closer, but guess what y’all?  He’s a heck more of a big market closer than Aceves.  He has closer experience and that you can’t buy (legally outside of Canada).  The Sawx are saying Aceves could get saves.  I’m not sure how much I believe it.  If Melancon was out there in my leagues, I grabbed him too (as in, in addition to Aceves).  If Aceves does get the first couple of saves, he’ll need to be perfect to keep the job, i.e., vis-a-vis, ergo, Melancon could end up getting 25 saves even if he doesn’t get the first couple.  This shituation is fluid so put on some plastic bed sheets.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Frank Francisco – Went for an MRI on his knee yesterday.  Ah, the Mets and their injuries.  The Mets doctors originally thought Francisco was dealing with patella tendinitis — is that the pre-med Indian kid who lived in my freshman dorm?  Frank2 had an ERA north of 5.50 in the spring and the publicity was, “Where’s his velocity?”  He thought he’d locate his electricity with tenacity, but kept ending up back at paucity, which left people grabbing Rauch in felicity, prior to her cutting her hair — the audacity!

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Justin Verlander threw a no-hitter on Saturday, said the guy who doesn’t write a roundup on Sunday which makes Monday’s lead-in a little dated.  BTW, I hear The Godfather is a good movie, you should check it out!  And invest in Microsoft!  Verlander seems to get little respect as a number one starter, but if I owned him, you’d have to pry him from my cold, dead, well-manicured fingers.  Gives you 200 Ks, a mid-3 ERA and a killer smile.  Smiles are totally underrated.  You can’t put a price on those…Unless you’re a dentist.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Austin Jackson – 7 for his last 13.  I’m not a fan in the big picture, but the small picture says if he’s going to start hitting, there’s no reason to turn your nose up at him unless the smell of a hot hitter repulses you.

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Ben Zobrist had a pretty good day yesterday.  A double slam and legs and 10 RBIs.  Zobrist’s wife, an aspiring singer of Christian pop music, wrote a song about Zobrist’s day called, “The Day The Lord Shined His Lovelight On Ben.”  Its B-side is “Here’s The Church, Here’s The Steeple, God’s Fifth Outfielder Is Jason Kubel.”  Both are pretty catchy.  Kirk Cameron would rock them on his iPod.  He’d unironically say, “Holy smokes!  These are awesome!”  Zobrist had a great day, doesn’t mean he’s the meow’s cat.  His value may never be higher if you’re thinking you’d like to trade him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Casey Kotchman – Hit his first home run of the year as he went Mono y Mano with the pitcher.

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Someone defrost Ted Williams’ head, Jed Lowrie is hitting .516.  If Mickey Rooney were playing the part of Dice-K, he’d say Jed is so Lovrie.  That’s if we can pull Rooney away from pooping in your neighbor’s chimney.  Right now, Lowrie is seasoning up fantasy steaks something delicious, but can this continue?  No, of course not.  Can he hit .280 with 10 homers?  Sure.  Can he get to 15 homers?  Is the moon made of green cheese?

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Not that there’s anything wrong about being from NJ.  Both Rudy and I are proud to be from NJ, though not in NJ.  NJ ex-pats are great.  We spread our love of high-haired women and capicola around the country.  As for Jay Bruce, he’s sucking on the ol’ suckhole.  You can say that again, but please don’t just say it again cause that’s lame; I really don’t like when people do that.

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Josh Hamilton left the game with a fracture to his humerus bone, which isn’t connected to the funny bone.  He was going down the line head first into home and… Well, he’s Mr. Glass, so what do you expect?  Ron Washington can’t believe anyone could ever get hurt going down a line head first.  “Nothing but fun to be had there!”  That’s Washington talking about the devil’s dandruff.  I think Kinsler, Cruz and Hamilton share gloves so one of them must always be on the DL.  This opens up playing time for David Murphy.  I’ve long been a fan of Murph.  Has 15/15 potential and won’t kill you in any categories.  I’d grab him in all leagues.  Yeah, even yours.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Davis – With the injury to Hamilton, Davis was recalled.  Somewhere, Bill James can now wear his cut-off, denim shorts and proudly show off his tramp stamp tattoo that reads, “I love Chris Davis.”  Without an injury, I can’t imagine Davis gets much playing time, but he’s still worth a pick up in AL-Only leagues for the off chance of him pulling magic out of his hat.

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After seeing Edwin Jackson pitch yesterday, I felt as happy as this guy on the inside.  I ran around my block yelling “Yuuuuupppp” like Dave Hester in Storage Wars.  I went to Coldstone Creamery and got a low fat sundae that had 2700 calories and I ate it (with extra jimmies)!  Yesterday, Jackson’s line was 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners and 13 Ks.  He’s now 2-0 with a 1.93 ERA and 20 Ks in 14 innings.  Giddy up, snitches!  Sure, like I tell my girlfriends, beware the small sample size, but I liked Jackson throughout the preseason.  Wanna see where I wrote my Edwin Jackson fantasy in sparkle dust?  Click on that link-a-ma-thingie.  Right now, Jackson is owned in 29.1% of ESPN leagues.  Even when you consider 40% of all ESPN leagues are already abandoned, it’s still too low.  BTW, if other fantasy sites tell you to pick up Edwin Jackson now, tell them to go eff themselves, Razzball told you back in January.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Lastings Milledge – White Sox designated him for assignment.  That assignment is to stop sucking.

Please, blog, may I have some more?