Fantasy Baseball Advice

We continue our 2011 fantasy baseball rankings with the top 20 2nd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.  For the first time in a while, there’s no 2nd baseman in the top 10.  At least by my calculation.  Some ‘perts are putting Cano in the top 10, but I talk more about that later this afternoon. (Yes, we’re moving back to two posts a day.  You’re excited.)  There’s a few 2nd basemen that really stand out.  I want a 40 steal 2nd baseman.  Eric Young Jr., “I’ll be your huckleberry, Grey.”  Aw, thanks, Junior.  I want a 2nd baseman with Uggla-like power but for half the price.  Ryan Raburn, “May I interest you in some Raburn?”  You may, but only if you have eligibility in my league.  As with the previous ranking lists, tiers and my projections are noted.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball:

1. Robinson Cano – In the top 20 for 2011 fantasy baseball post is Cano’s projections.

2. Ian Kinsler – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Uggla.  I call this tier, “Your last chance for a legit 2nd baseman.”  Let’s face it, legit’s overextending itself in that sentence.  One or more of these first six 2nd basemen are gonna Triple Lindy into an empty pool and it ain’t gonna be pretty.  Luckily, the difference between the first couple of 2nd basemen and the next couple really isn’t that big of a difference.  I.e., you can recover from one of these guys flopping.  I keep lowering your expectations because I really don’t trust Kinsler, but now that he’s a bit cheaper at drafts, I’m willing to give him a chance for a bounce back.  He’s gotta stay healthy one of these years, right?  How’s that for confidence!  2011 Projections:  85/22/60/.270/17

3. Brandon Phillips – He’s younger than Ryan Raburn.  That’s to say, Phillips seems like he’s been around forever, but he can still put up the 20/20 season.  Granted, everything went right last year for the Reds in 2010, even Marge Schott’s ghost didn’t say anything inappropriate to Jackie Robinson’s ghost.  Everything, except Brandon Phillips’ season.  His worst season since his rookie year back in 2003.  He was also battling injuries.  Through the injuries he still played in 155 games and put up a 18/16 season.  A modest bounce back and he’s a top 4 ranked 2nd baseman.  2011 Projections:  85/20/70/.270/17

4. Dustin Pedroia – The surgically-repaired left foot should be fine for the start of the season.  Until it’s not, of course.  No, it should.  I’m not too concerned with Pedroia.  Sparky Anklebiters don’t let little things like rust or injury rehab slow them down.  He’s basically the same as Philips fantasy value-wise.  A few more homers and steals with Phillips, a few more runs and average here.  If you want Pedroia 4th, I won’t hate.  2011 Projections:  105/15/65/.290/15

5. Dan Uggla – When Uggla was traded, I went over my Uggla fantasy.  It’s all there in 10 point Times New Roman.  The reason why he’s ranked below some of the guys above but his projections look as good if not better because A) Kinsler has the biggest upside.  B) Phillips and Pedroia are safer.  C) Uggla has the biggest downside in one category, he could hit .240.  D)  There’s no D.  2011 Projections:  90/32/100/.265/5

6. Rickie Weeks – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Figgins.  I call this tier, “Do you feel lucky?  Well, do you punk?”  Makes sense that there are two question marks in the tier name because all of these guys have question marks.  Before 2010, Weeks had the health of that Texas oil tycoon Anna Nicole married five years after he died.  Weeks used to call up Glass Chipper for doctor referrals.  His nickname was Sickie.  All that wouldn’t matter if Weeks wasn’t so talented.  He can repeat his power output from last year and add more steals if he’s healthy, but that “if” is the size of Gilbert Grape’s mom.  2011 Projections:  85/18/65/.250/14

7. Aaron Hill – I already threw an Aaron Hill sleeper post at you.  Go read up on that and come back and tell me what a dummkopf I am.  The reason why he’s in the “Feel lucky” tier and not the straight out excitement tier is because I’m being optimistic with Hill.  If he hits only 17 homers, then you’re gonna wanna become a mailman just so you can go postal.  2011 Projections:  80/25/85/.275/5

8. Ben Zobrist – Power really got pulled out from underneath Zobrist in 2010.  His HR/FB% went from a 17.4% in 2008, 17.5% in 2009 to 6.0% last year.  So if you believe the former numbers, he’s going to hit 20 homers again.  If you believe the latter number and assuming I’m using latter and former correctly, he’s going to barely crack 10 homers again.  Or just split the difference… 2011 Projections:  70/15/70/.260/15

9. Chase Utley – UPDATE:  Don’t draft Utley.  I still got love for you, Utley.  It’s just not the kind of love that finds its way on my fantasy team.  2011 Projections: 50/14/55/.280/5

10. Brian Roberts – He returned to decent numbers if you prorate them over a full year (59 games, 230 ABs, 4 homers, 12 steals).  Unfortunately, he’s now 33 years old and collecting back issues of Men’s Health.  Counting on Roberts to give you 155+ games and 30+ steals is being a tad bit optimistic.  2011 Projections:  80/7/45/.285/22

11. Chone Figgins – On one hand, I kinda hate Figgy.  On the other hand, I kinda despise Figgy.  On my third, lesser known hand, I think he’ll probably be more valuable than Brian Roberts.  Stupid irrational hate over a splash of confirmation bias.  You are a deadly cocktail!  2011 Projections:  80/3/40/.270/35

12. Ryan Raburn – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Beckham.  I call this tier, “I’m on board with these guys.”  I shouldn’t even have ranked Raburn because of his lack of 20 games at 2nd base, but I’m kinda totally in love with him.  Unfortunately, he only played in 18 games at 2nd base so he’s not eligible in all leagues.  I touched on him briefly already in a Raburn sleeper post.  Since the restraining order hadn’t gone through yet, that touching wasn’t prohibited by law.  Phew.  This fantasy shizz is serious!  This is the last year Raburn will be a sleeper.  Not because he’s going to breakout and be overvalued next year.  Well, that could be the reason.  Not because he’ll never come close to 20 games at 2nd base again.  Well, that could be the reason too.  But more likely because he’s going to be 30 years old in 2011.  He has 25 homer power.  At 2nd base, you shouldn’t need to know more.  If he doesn’t have 2nd base eligibility in your league, then ignore this blurb.  2011 Projections:  70/21/80/.275/3

13. Kelly Johnson – Member last year when he hit a few homers and I called him Kelly Kapowski?  The times we had!  I was kinda crazy about Johnson last preseason and he repaid the trust.  He also got a bit lucky.  He’s really not a 26 homer, .284 hitter.  Sorry, now don’t go running back to his family to tell them I said that.  He can still be productive.  Just a bit less so.  2011 Projections:  80/17/.260/60/12

14. Howie Kendrick – I like Posada for the first time ever and now I’m liking Kendrick.  Call an ambulance, you’re about to faint!  Kendrick still seems like a poor man’s Pedroia, but what the eff in the suckhole, there’s value in that.  Get on board, this train’s leaving!  BTW, Outside of deep leagues, you probably will grow hella bored with Kendrick.  A guy whose most exciting category is average can only excite you so much, unless you’re Wee Willie Keeler.  2011 Projections:  65/12/85/.305/15

15. Neil Walker – Aw, and you thought I forgot about Walker.  Reader, please!  Okay, now I’m going to pull back a bit, because I don’t fully trust Walker and his BABIP was on the lucky side and his walks weren’t great and his Ks weren’t either and he’s a Pirate and what does him being a Pirate have to do with anything and should I punctuate this sentence at some point?  Don’t get caught up in the hype. (Ha!  A Pirate hitter hyped?  Pfft.)  Walker is a decent late round flier, but don’t necessarily assume you guys are gonna be BFFs.  2011 Projections:  65/15/75/.260/7

16. Gordon Beckham – Since he’s only 24-years-old, I’m gonna have to overlook all the stress he caused me last year when he went from totally chic to totally geek.  He started to show signs in the 2nd half (in 171 ABs, 6 home runs and a .310 average).  Some continuation of that progress and he’ll outproduce his draft spot.  There’s still 15 homer power in his mollywhoppers and 10 steal speed in his gams.  2011 Projections:  70/15/60/.285/7

16 1/2. Placido Polanco – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Uribe.  I call this tier, “Skip ‘em.”  There’s a point in every draft where you should just forgo a known commodity and cross your fingers and grab some upside.  This is the point.  I’ve never been a fan of Crapolanco.  If you didn’t know that, welcome to the site.  Click around, I get 1/40th of a penny for every page view.  Blogs make money!  (Note: Polanco got a half because he only has 12 games at 2nd base.)  2011 Projections:  80/8/60/.300/8

17. Martin Prado -  Keep in mind that I kinda wanted to drop Prado even further down this list, but at a certain point I’m risking my diploma from the College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston.  Prado reminds me of Crapolanco without the speed.  Fongool to that.  2011 Projections:  85/12/60/.300/5

18. Ryan Theriot – His stats look nice at the end of the year, but I’ll make a $20 bet with you that in almost all mixed leagues, you will draft Theriot and want to drop him at the first sign of a slump.  Seriously, 20 steals over the course of the year looks okay in October.  When he’s giving you 3 steals per month, you want to kill someone.  2011 Projections:  60/2/30/.275/20

19. Mike Aviles – Last year was a career year and it wasn’t even that good.  Aviles is the new blech.  2011 Projections:  65/8/40/.295/8

20. Juan Uribe – He kinda has better numbers than quite a few of the guys above him, but I couldn’t stand to see Uribe any higher up on the list.  Here’s you drafting Uribe, “I’m smarter than everyone!  He has 20-plus homer power!  I’m going to win my league!”  Here’s you on April 3rd, “Grey, should I drop Uribe?”  Yeah, you should.  2011 Projections:  60/20/75/.240

After the top 20 for 2011 fantasy baseball, there’s a bunch of names, but these five stick out:

Danny Espinosa – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until the end.  I call this tier, “Fliers!  Or is it flyers?”  Figured I’d end the rankings on a positive note.  And by positive I mean relatively.  You’re pretty deep into a terrible position at this point. I already dropped a Danny Espinosa fantasy on your melon.  Since then, he’s had some hand troubles.  Not a great sign, but he’s a late flier worth taking for upside.  All projections in the flier tier are optimistic, but whatevs.  2011 Projections:  60/15/70/.245/17

Tsuyoshi Nishioka – I already popped my collar on a Tsuyoshi Nishioka fantasy post.  There were only three or four mildly offensive references in that post.  An off day, for sure.  Before you say, “Nishioka in the 10th round!” I say, “Kaz Matsui looked impressive in Japan too.”  2011 Projections:  80/5/45/.290/22

Sean Rodriguez – I already went over my Sean Rodriguez sleeper thing-a-ma-whosie.  Rodriguez will probably be a top 7 overall ranked 2nd baseman when the season is over.  Or he’ll be unownable and be dropped by April 5th.  It’s called a flier, people!   2011 Projections:  65/18/75/.245/20

Eric Patterson – Now that Adrian Gonzalez is (a) gone, there’s really no need to look at Padres hitters, except if you’re in a very deep league and you’re dying for some speed (junkie!).  In most leagues, I’d ignore Patterson.  (Note:  He only has 14 games at 2nd base.)  2011 Projections:  60/3/35/.250/20

Eric Young Jr. – Sure, Jose Lopez could steal time, but Young will get his ABs.  At least that’s what I keep telling myself.  I love Eric Young Jr.  I’ll probably talk about him some more before we drop the curtain on this preseason.  First, I really need to see how much playing time the Rockies are going to give him.  Second, who cares about the playing time?  It’s a last round flier that could pay dividends.  Do me a favor and draft him before I have a flippin’ conniption.  My freakin’ forehead vein is about to burst.  You can take an upside hit at middle infield a lot easier than at, say, 1st base.  Even if he only gets 350 ABs, he can get 40 steals.  Like Jeffrey Jones, give a Young man a twirl.  2011 Projections:  65/2/35/.255/40

The Padres finally put their offense on the offensive.  Only here the offensive definition is “causing anger, displeasure or resentment.”  Thanks, Merriam-Webster!  Adrian Gonzalez gets a small boost in value, if ‘small’ meant ‘could there be a better place for him to play?’  You don’t have to be a rocket scientist who gave up his job at JPL to study baseball stats to see the difference between Petco and Fenway.  In Fenway, there’s a giant freakin’ wall 310 feet down the line.  In Petco, there’s a memorial park in left field with a giant Nate Colbert statue that no one’s ever reached.  Wait, that was Kyle Blanks.  Last year, Fenway was 7th for most offense.  Petco was 26th.  I think A-Gon’s Home/Away splits over the last three years say all you need to know.  In 832 home ABs, 112/37/127/.257.  In 927 away ABs, 168/70/192/.310.  Yes, A-Gon can win the MVP in Boston.  I’m not going to belabor (any further) this point.  It’s a huge boon for A-Gon’s value if boon means what I think it does.  Youuuuk gets a small boost in value too now that he’ll be playing 3rd base, eligibility he was about to lose going into 2011.  Anyway, here’s some more recent moves and what they mean for fantasy baseball:

Casey Kelly – The prized piece in the A-Gon trade.  Stephen already went over his Casey Kelly fantasy.  Now that he gets to (eventually) pitch in Petco, his value bumps up, but he still looks at least a year away, if not more.  There’s probably at least three dozen prospects worth looking at before him in dynasty leagues.  There’s a few pitchers in the Padres system alone that are more interesting, in the short term at least.

Kyle Blanks – Looks to be the replacement for Adrian Gonzalez at 1st base and in the lineup, but he “won’t be ready until well after the season starts,” according to the Padres.  When he does return, Blanks could add some power for deep leagues, but his average will be less impressive.  Unless Blanks goes to the plate with David Eckstein in a Baby Bjorn and he tells him what to swing at.

Adam Dunn – Takes his blue ox and heads to the South Side of Chicago.  In related news, the White Sox equipment manager was seen surfing the web for ways to reinforce a wooden bench.  “I’ll tell you what, sonny.  This eHow is the bomb dot com!”  That’s what he said.  Last year, U.S. Cellular Field produced more “You can put it on the board”s than any other stadium.  Wasn’t far off in 2009 and 2008.  Whereas Nationals Park was either average or below average for home runs.  I was going to give Dunn 38 home runs for 2011, this gets him to 40 again.  Don’t think he suddenly becomes a 45-homer guy though.  I mean, he was consistently a 40-homer guy in Great American and that’s a hitter-friendly environment.

Jayson Werth – Signed with the Nats.  Citizens Flank is obviously better for Werth than The House of Strasburg.  Hitting in a lineup with Utley, Howard and Rollins is better than Zimmerman and that guy who plays 1st and that other guy that plays in the outfield.  He has hit well in Nationals Park, he was also facing Nationals pitching.  I was worried Werth would go somewhere to hurt his value and he didn’t disappoint me, which is to say he did.  Zimmerman had 68 runs last year batting third.  Werth had 99 runs batting 5th.  Who’s knocking in Werth in 2011?  Shave some home runs, RBIs, a bunch of runs, some average… Shoot, if he hits 25 home runs and a .275 average with weak runs, I’d be impressed.  Oh, and from a real baseball perspective?  7 years?!

Aaron Harang – Me on December 2nd, “I wouldn’t own Harang in any league unless he pitched in Petco.”  Me on December 3rd, “Score one for the Hodgepadres!”

Jason Varitek – Nooooooo!  Didn’t I just say Saltymochachino was a sleeper?  Why would you sign Varitek?  Ugh.  The good news is Varitek is far from an everyday catcher at this stage in his career, so if Salty can hit his weight on Jupiter than he should see the majority of the ABs.

Hisanori Takahashi – Signed by the Angels.  There’s some rumblings that he’ll be the closer down in Bobby Grichville.  Yeah, you ever see the Sciosciapath make things easy?  Until I hear different from the Los Angeles Suburb of Los Angeles, Rodney will be in the running for saves.

Bobby Jenks – Out as the White Sox closer because the equipment manager can only reinforce so much.  “I’m only one man!”  That’s him again.  Right now, the White Sox closer role is an open audition.  Maybe they can invite Eric Roberts.  He’s always super believable.  Thornton, Santos and Sale are a few possibilities.  In that order.

Ryan Theriot – Heads to the Cardinals.  And I have nothing interesting to say about this.  He’s a 3 homer, 20 steal guy.  If that gives you an erection for longer than ten minutes, you might want to seek out a doctor.

Miguel Tejada – Here’s the by product of Sabean winning a World Series.  He thinks he knows what he’s doing.

Jose Lopez – Damn you, Rockies!  I already wrote a stupid Eric Young Jr. sleeper post.  I’m probably going to still post it.  Or maybe I’ll hold it like I did the Chris Iannetta sleeper post from last year.  Expect that any day now, unless the Rockies sign a different catcher, which they’re wont to do.  They’re wont!  Lopez will probably steal time from Young and Ian Stewart.  Hopefully, he steals more time from Stewart.  Or we can hope Lopez gets hurt in Spring Training.

Shaun Marcum – Blue Kays traded him to the Brewers.  Or, “Zoinks!”  Maybe they thought the Brewers had Greinke.  Beats me.  Either way, Marcum really is getting a sleeper post.  Love this move for his fantasy value.  I really love this move because it came at a time when everyone was ooh’ing and ah’ing over A-Gon so the average fantasy person isn’t going to make much notice of it.  Good stuff all around.  He was a 7.60 K/9 last year in the AL East.  In the NL Central, he can easily go over 8 K/9.  His walks were a minuscule 1.98 per 9.  His xFIP was below 4.  You’re suddenly looking at a fantasy number two starter next year with the chance for more.  All aboard!  Next stop, fantasy value-ville.

Brett Lawrie – Going the other way to socialized medicine is Lawrie.  Stephen went over his Brett Lawrie fantasy already.  Could develop into a 20 homer hitter in the majors and has shown speed already.  He looks like he can be something special and will definitely be on radars for September call-ups in 2011.  I don’t think he breaks camp with the club.

Lance Berkman – Welcome to St. Louis, Guy Who Looks Like He Could Be the Host of Man vs. Food’s Father.  Against righties he should bat between Pujols and Holliday and, well, that’s about all the positives I have for you.  Not to mention, I’m not sure how much of a positive that is since it wasn’t like he became a beast like Tre from Top Chef:  All Stars after he started batting in the Yankee lineup.  Last year, his fly balls went down (literally!), ground balls went up (not literally!), his HR/FB last year was off his career average, but I’m not sure we should expect a huge bounce back.  To quote Cliff’s uncle, Frank Lee, “His skills are declining.”

Top twenty catchers, 1st basemen and 2nd basemen are in the books as we throw it around the horn.  Today, the top 20 Shortstops for 2010 fantasy baseball get to shine.  Hmm… Actually, most of these won’t shine.  They’re cloudy with a chance of crapballs.  As I said in the beginning of the year, the shortstops are even shallower than the 2nd basemen.  This held true.  A good two weeks in the major leagues and you too can make the top twenty list for shortstops!  Okay, enough of the hubbub on the tomfoolery.  To recap, this final ranking is from ESPN Player Rater with my comments.  The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2010 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Hanley Ramirez – Hanley doesn’t need to work on his swing in the offseason, he needs to go on Breakthrough with Tony Robbins or maybe a Biggest Loser spin-off show where people aren’t fat, just unmotivated.  Let’s call it, Just Losers.  Or get him a friggin’ motivational poster with a kitten climbing a mountain.  Hanley was one of the few players in their prime that I actually lowered their power number projections and he ended up coming even below those projections.  A shame isn’t it?  Not a shame, a problem, Treach.  Preseason Rank #1, 2010 Projections:  100/25/110/.320/25, Final Numbers:  92/21/76/76/.300/32

2. Troy Tulowitzki – See if this rings a bell for you, “Without a poor April and May, he’d be the top ranked shortstop.  Yeah, he was that good.”  That’s what I said after the 2009 season.  This year he hit 1 homer in April and missed just about the whole month of July.  If it wasn’t for an otherworldly September when he single-handedly won people H2H leagues, we’d be talking about Tulo’s busted season.  Remember, he had only 12 homers going into September.  That is not a good five months.  Preseason Rank #2, 2010 Projections:  95/35/105/.280/12, Final Numbers:  89/27/95/.315/11

3. Jose Reyes – Not quite the bounce back I envisioned when I drafted him on all of my teams and told you to draft him, but it’s hard to fault a guy who is ranked 3rd overall and missed extended periods of time with injuries.  He’s about the only Met I truly love and, at some point, the Mets will realize that Reyes is the key to their offense and that means him running like crazy.  Especially in Metco.  Preseason Rank #4, 2010 Projections:  105/11/55/.285/45, Final Numbers:  83/11/54/.282/30

4. Alexei Ramirez – Pretty pathetic that Alexei is ranked this high considering the year he had.  They’re not middle infielders, they’re middling infielders.  It’s so tough to own someone like Alexei who doesn’t ever really get hot.  He just hits one homer every week and a half or so and steals a base every two weeks.  That almost put me to sleep typing it out.  Or am I asleep?  I need to spin a top.  Preseason Rank #9, 2010 Projections:  70/18/80/.280/15, Final Numbers:  83/18/70/.282/13

5. Derek Jeter – Here’s a theory.  You know how once all the great filmmakers find happiness they start producing crap?  Coppola’s Jack, Woody Allen’s 1990s, Oliver Stone post-Natural Born Killers… Maybe Jeter needed the motivation of not having a serious girlfriend.  Once he committed to Minka he no longer cared how well he played since a long term piece of tail was in place.  Or maybe it’s just age.  Preseason Rank #5, 2010 Projections:  110/16/70/.315/20, Final Numbers:  111/10/67/.270/18

6. Rafael Furcal – I know it seems like I’m a total downer on all of these guys, but Furcal’s numbers are terrible for this ranking.  Look at his Runs.  That’s a top of the order guy?  66?!  F(urcal) my life.  Preseason Rank #10, 2010 Projections:  90/10/55/.275/20, Final Numbers:  66/8/43/.300/22

7. Stephen Drew – He hit 4 homers in the first 4 months.  Yes, to get ranked this high all you needed was one good month.  (His August:  8 homers, 19 RBIs, 25 Runs and a .310 average.) Preseason Rank #10, 2010 Projections:  85/22/75/.265/4, Final Numbers:  83/15/61/.278/10

8. Omar Infante – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

9. Elvis Andrus – I had mad love for Elvis in the preseason and it’s not going to stop going into 2011.  He’s still very young and this season was a good first step.  Now if he can work on his first step on steal attempts, we’ll be all set.  Preseason Rank #8, 2010 Projections: 75/8/50/.270/37, Final Numbers:  88/0/35/.265/32

10. Ian Desmond – Wanna hear something scary?  In my Ian Desmond sleeper post, I had Desmond down for pretty much exactly what he ended doing.  His projections really aren’t far off.  Yet, he was kinda unownable for long stretches of the season.  Preseason Rank #21, 2010 Projections:  85/10/60/.275/20, Final Numbers:  59/10/65/.269/17

11. Mike Aviles – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

12. Marco Scutaro – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

13. Alex Gonzalez – This list pretty sums up why I punt middle infield every year.  You obviously could’ve drafted 12 of these 20 shortstops at any point in a draft.  And, even better, you draft one then rotate from hot middle infielder to hot middle infielder.  Why do I rotate my middle infielders and ‘Set It and Forget It’ with my catchers?  Will have to be an offseason post.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  74/23/88/.250/1

14. Cliff Pennington – I call this middle infielder, a Puntington.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  64/6/46/.250/29

15. Miguel Tejada – The fact that he came pretty close to matching my projections, combined with the fact I wouldn’t own him anywhere should give you an idea of the state of shortstops and the state of offense, in general.  It’s like Hamsterdam without the drugs.  Preseason Rank #14 for Shortstops, 2010 Projections:  70/15/85/.295/4, Final Numbers:  71/15/71/.269/2

16. Juan Uribe – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

17. Jeff Keppinger – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 post.

18. Starlin Castro – If you remove his first game in the big leagues, he doesn’t make this list.  All you needed was one good game to make the top 20 shortstops!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  53/3/41/.300/10

19. Yuniesky Betancourt – Yes, it’s comical that Betancourt is listed in these rankings.  Wanna stop smiling?  Jimmy Rollins didn’t even make the list.  (Smile again if you didn’t draft Rollins.)  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  60/16/78/.259/2

20. Ryan Theriot – I just hope if you drafted this schmohawk, you heeded the Emergency Broadcasting System’s warning and got out of The Riot in time to save your team.  Preseason Rank #20, 2010 Projections:  85/3/50/.285/22, Final Numbers:  72/2/29/.270/20

What I never understood about the trading deadline is why wait until the last second to make a trade?  Did the Padres really wake up on July 31st and think they suddenly needed a bat?  Wasn’t this apparent on April 2nd?  I understand you don’t trade for pieces if you’re out of it, but the Padres, for instance, haven’t been out of it all season, unless they assumed they weren’t contending when the season started.  Maybe they wouldn’t have got Ryan Ludwick, because the Cards may not have been selling him in April, but they needed someone.  Then there’s the other deals that remind me of my friend who buys things just because they are on sale.  “Do you really need a 120 count box of chicken bouillon?”  “No, but Shop-Rite was selling Chicken Bazillions for only $2.99.”  So, in that vein, do you really need Matt Capps when Jon Rauch is serviceable?  No, but we’ve been dying to shed these upside prospects and the price was right.  Deep thoughts by Grey Albright, I suppose.  Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Lance Berkman – Traded to the Yankees.  This is one of those moves that’s actually better for fantasy.  In real baseball, adding Berkman to the Yankees lineup is like adding pecan sandies to a tray of chocolate chip cookies.  Hey, if you like a pecan sandie, then go for it.  I think you were fine with the chocolate chips.  Let’s face it, leaving Houston helps anyone’s value.  Berkman goes from between Keppinger and The Glue They Once Called El Caballo to hitting in an All-Star lineup.  Hey, Runs and RBIs, nice to see you again.  As I mentioned in the comments when the trade went down, A-Rod’s sitting at 16 homers, so don’t expect The Stadium They Built Next To The Stadium That Ruth Built to suddenly add 20 homers to Berkman.  He’s still old and struggling.  Value goes up, but only so much.

Ryan Ludwick – I always want to write Lyan Rudwick.  Not sure why.  Anyhoo, Ludwick goes to the Padres.  This move is almost lateral for Ludwick.  Maybe a slight nudgwick up on value.  He wasn’t playing every day in St. Louie, but he wasn’t hitting in Petco either.  That’s six of one, half dozen warning track fly outs.  Ludwick seemed like he ran his course in La Russa Land, so the fact the Padres appreciate him might boost his confidence.  It’s the Sally Field syndrome.  Ludwick, “They like me!  They really like me!”

Joel Hanrahan – Remind me not to pay attention to Buster Olney anymore.  First he tells me Cliff Lee is traded to the Yankees then he says Hanrahan will be the closer only to watch Dotel get traded and Meek to enter the closer picture.  Olney, you’re on notice.  If you have room, you need to own both Meek and Hanrahananananan.  The good news is they’re both solid.  I do think Hanrahanananan is the first one to get saves.  Meanwhile, Dotel’s a don’t own.

Aaron Heilman – With Qualls going off to the Rays, this should clear up who’s closing in Arizona.  Now Heilman is not good, but they really can’t keep going to Gutierrez.  With the season he’s had, Gutierrez shouldn’t even be pitching in the major leagues anymore.  And if you were holding out hope Qualls would turn his season around, you can now safely take him off life support, Kevorkian.  (Speaking of which, I watched the HBO movie with Pacino and Sarandon this weekend.  Wow, Al and Susan got long in the tooth.  This was like when you go back to your old high school to see your former teachers and they’re all so much older than you remember them and it’s very depressing. Then, just when you didn’t think it could get any worse, you run into the hot English teacher you used to have a crush on and she has short gray hair and she’s wearing slacks from Ross, Dress For Less and she coyly mentions how she just got divorced and you think you might actually have a chance now and that makes you want to vomit on the Philly fan who vomited on another Philly fan.)

Ryan Howard – Left the game after jamming his ankle.  I’m holding a candlelight vigil that he avoids DL.  As of right now, the x-rays were negative, which is positive.  Hopefully he just misses a few days.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – I’d give a dollar to hear a Masshole pronounce Salty’s full name.  Saltymochachino could be a sneaky dynasty pickup for those in deep leagues.  For now, he’s bench depth for the Sawx.

Randy Wolf – Hit with a line drive on his wrist.  He immediately left the game pist.

Ted Lilly – He’s been solid in away games this year, but terrible at Dodger Stadium over the last three years.  That was facing the Dodgers and not the Padres, Giants and Diamondbacks.  As long as the Lilly handles SoCal better than Snookie handles SoCo, this looks like a positive all around for him.  Don’t think he gets much better than a mid-3 ERA going forward, but he’s a solid number three fantasy starter.

Ryan Theriot – Speed guys’ values don’t really change with a new environment.  Terry-O do what he do, which is fine at MI.

Alex Gordon – 2-for-3 with his 2nd homer in three games and a 7 game hitting streak.  It’s now or never time for Gordon and it looks like he’s going the now route.  Grab him immediately.

Rick Ankiel – Since Bobby Cox doesn’t have much time left, it makes sense the Braves are looking towards the immediate future.  And by immediate future, I mean August.  Ankiel will split time in the outfield, which will hurt his value, but he wasn’t helping his value much anyway.

Martin Prado – Fractured his pinky and will probably be DL’d on Monday.  Alfonseca would’ve just grown a new digit.  If you need short term help, Infante should see the majority of the playing time.

Blake DeWitt – 3-for-4, 1 RBI.  His Mom was hot, but he’s an end of the lineup hitter with little power or speed.

Aramis Ramirez – Just when you thought he turned the corner, he goes and turns another corner to end up back where he started with thumb problems.

Cristian Guzman – I’m embarrassed to say this, but in leagues where I need runs and average, I actually grabbed Guzman.  In one league, I’ll be blahtooning him with Desmond.  In another, him and fahgettaBartlett.  When you punt MI, these are the choices you need to make.  Guzman should have value until Kinsler returns, which may not be until the end of August.  Yes, Kinsler’s out for a while and didn’t do shizz when he was playing.

Edinson Volquez – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  The one earned run and win hide the 5 walks in five innings, which isn’t a great sign moving forward.  He’s just as risky today as he was on Saturday.

Stephen Strasburg – ESPN reported Strasburg threw with no pain.  They’ll be reporting later when Strasburg ‘goes to drop a deuce.’

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks.  I feel like his season has gone relatively unnoticed.  He has 150 Ks in 136 IP.  That’s the 3rd best K-rate in the major leagues.  His xFIP is 2.92, which is the best in the majors, just above Halladay and Johnson.

Daniel Hudson – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  The Haren move was questionable for the Diamondbacks, but they redeemed themselves with this get.  I love Hudson in NL-Only leagues and keepers.  Wouldn’t surprise me to see January Grey write a sleeper post about Hudson for 2011.  Gets the Padres next and has mixed league matchup appeal.

Adam LaRoche – 3-for-6, 6 RBIs with two homers.  His cuckoo clock must’ve alerted him it’s August.

Dexter Fowler – Robbing what would of been Alfonso Soriano’s 2nd homer of the day, Fowler knocked hard against the wall.  As he was carted off the field, I began to look for replacements for him.  My guess is a 15-day DL stint.

Matt Lindstrom – As if there’s not enough closer news already, Brandon Lyon picked up the save yesterday because Lindstrom has a sore back.  You know I grabbed Lyon in a few leagues.

Jeremy Hellickson – First let’s see what Stephen had to say when he went over him, “Hellickson has a lively low 90′s MPH fastball that tops out at 95, a curve that is thrown between 77 and 79 mph, and a solid changeup…. Overall, he has been able to keep a good K-rate, above-average control, and is keeping the ball in the park fairly well.   A middle of the rotation pitcher is a definite reality.”  That was prior to his 2010 minor league season, but not much has changed.  In 117 2/3 IP of Triple-A this year, he has 123 Ks, only 35 walks and a 2.45 ERA.  He’s getting the well-deserved start today vs. the Twins.  That’s the good news.  And there’s a lot of it.  I’ll be tuning in to watch him pitch.  The bad news is he doesn’t have a spot in the rotation.  After the start, he may be sent back down until September.

Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  After the game, Ozzie said, “Don’t even get me started on Caucasians.”

Edwin Jackson – Shame on you, White Sox.

Jorge Cantu – I already went over the Cantu trade, but since then it was revealed that Cantu would platoon with rookie, Mitch Moreland.  The Rangers need a rookie lefty in the lineup at all times?  Very confusing move.  Feel like it’s taking righty/lefty splits too far.  Either way, this hurts Cantu value, which was margin already.

James Shields – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks.  If you started him vs. the Yankees, you deserved this start.  But you probably didn’t so now you hate him even more than when you were starting him and he was putting up a near-5 ERA.  He’s totally messing with you.  Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.

Jeanmar Gomez – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He had a 5.70 ERA in the minors.  That’s a red flag with a skull and crossbones on it.

Chris Perez – Will now take over full-time closing duties for the Indians.  He’ll be a Brain Freeze in this afternoon’s Closer Look, but he could perform like a Donkeycorn the rest of the way.  Oh, and for people who understood that last sentence, thanks for reading.  Pour some out for the people who read Donkeycorn and were like, “What the eff is this guy talking about?  I’m going back to ESPN.”

Jake Westbrook – Scary thing is this, Westbrook, Kearns and Wood is what the Indians had to trade.  Even Houston had Oswalt and Berkman.  Maybe Duncan can do the voodoo that he do, but I wouldn’t grab Westbrook outside of NL-Only leagues until I saw him go.

Kerry Wood – For the first time ever, Yanks and Wood in the same sentence isn’t going to be a pleasant experience for male Yankee fans.

Sounds like Jacoby Ellsbury will be out until the All-Star Break.  Break being the key word.  The Boston Globe reported that Ellsbury has, “a non-displaced rib fracture and edema in the left posterior-axillary line.”  Ribs and edema?  What’s that, a fusion Japanese-rib joint?  The doctors didn’t find a blooming onion in there?  Member in the preseason when I said you could have Ellsbury ten rounds later in Borbon?  Borbon has not endeared himself in fantasy owners’ hearts yet, but he’s picking up his game of late, Ellsbury can’t pick himself out of a chair.  Gotta hold Ellsbury if you have DL room and hope for a big 2nd half.  I do have my doubts though about how well a guy is going to be able to steal, most specifically slide, when this latest injury happened diving for a ball.  The good news is if you listened to me, you didn’t draft Ellsbury.  Right?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carlos Santana – Getting called up for Friday’s game.  Yes, the same catcher the Indians were waiting until August to bring up.  Yes, the Indians were messing with you.  Where do you think Justin Masterson:  Passive Aggressive Fantasy Starter learned it from?  As I’ve already said on the blog, I don’t expect the 2nd coming of Mike Piazza.  At least not this year.  Think about what you got from Matt Wieters last year.  Shoot, think about what you got from him this year.  If you’re starting Joe Schmohawk at catcher, sure, take a chance on some upside.  I think he can give a bit more power than Posey, but they’re in the same ballpark.  No, not literally.  For this year, I’d give him a .280 average and 13 homers.  Actually, I already wrote that.  Here’s my Carlos Santana fantasy.  In keepers, he should be owned already.  If not, grab him immediately.

Todd Wellemeyer – Injured his leg.  Giants have been looking for a reason to bring up Madison Bumgarner.  This is probably as good a reason as any.  I’ll go over Bumgarner in detail in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  He’s a Buy, but by (stutterer!) how much?

Mat Latos – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks.  As many other teams this year, the Mets proved to be Latos intolerant.  Hodgepadre or no hodgepadre, he should be started everywhere at this point.

Tyler Clippard – On his mantle, Clippard puts a save next to his 8 wins and autographed photo of ALF.  Capps was just rested, no reason for alarm.  This does show you there’s no reason to hold Storen for vulture saves.

Jon Niese – 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 6 Ks.  Not to take anything away from Niese (yes, that means I’m about to take something away from him), but this was vs. the Padres B lineup.  Two Hairstons, Denorfia, Salazar, Torrealba and Zawadzki, which I believe is the most Polish a last name can be.  Niese has been fantastic since he returned from the DL and gets the Indians next.  I’d definitely give him a shot.

Mike Leake – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 15 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Well, you knew it was coming at some point.  Or at least you should’ve known it was coming at some point.  I’ve only been saying it for the last three weeks.

Max Scherzer – 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. White Sox.  Nice start coming after he was shellacked by the peasant Royals.  Really hard to start that kind of inconsistency.  He reminds me of Kershaw.  They have Ks, walks, bad pitch economy and youth.  Scherzer shows a bit better control, but Kershaw has a better league/park.  Then Kershaw has the best K/9 for starters with more than 50 innings and Scherzer is around 40th and even Edward Woodward can’t equalize that.

Gordon Beckham – 1-for-2 with a double.  I didn’t see the double, but I’m guessing the Tigers were playing the Beckham defensive shift, which is the outfielders go for pizza and life-sized, cardboard replicas fill-in for them.

John Danks – 7 IP, 5 baserunners, 1 Hit, 4 Ks.  Now has a 3.27 ERA on the year.  His K-rate has rebounded this year and his ground balls are up, um, down, um… His ground ball percentage is up.  The homers per fly balls is lucky, but he should keep his ERA respectable enough to meet your mother.

Alex Rodriguez – Left the game with a stiff groin.  Was Jeter doing calisthenics near him?  A-Rod will see a doctor today.  My guess is he will miss a few days.  When I was fifteen and had stiffness in my groin, I’d go missing for weeks.

Kevin Youkilis – Left the game with a back spasm.  He’s day-to-day.  Or Day II Day, if you’re into R&B.

Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Before you get crazy with yourself, this game could’ve been much worse.  He escaped a bases loaded jam in the 6th by striking out Marcus Thames.  I still don’t think you should get involved with Arrieta outside of AL-Only or keeper leagues.  Unless you wanna get roofied.

Josh Johnson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. Halladay.  I’d say he beat the best pitcher in baseball, but on the surface that seems like Ubaldo.  Josh Johnson, however, has a better K-rate than Halladay and Ubaldo and his ERA is 1.91.  Johnson is actually making a case for the best pitcher in the NL.

Corey Hart – 2-for-3 and his NL-leading 16th homer.  Will he never surrender the NL HR lead?  Doubt it.  But it’s worth noting that it’s like he’s hitting with a 2-iron.  Since May 1st, he’s hit 12 HRs and hitting over 55% fly balls (career mark is 43% percent).  The only guys equal or ahead of him are Mark Reynolds, Jose Bautista, and Jayson Werth.  If he keeps it up, expect a strong HR pace with a very streaky average.

Ryan Theriot – 3-for-5 and his 13th steal as he gets the start over the other Silent T.  Now has four steals in the last four games.  Or as I like to say, “Two more than Alcides has all season.”

Matt Lindstrom – Missed the game with a stiff back.  Well, you Lindstrom, you lose some.  I grabbed Lyon all over the place just in case the stiff back becomes a “I can’t come back,” but it looks like Lindstrom will be fine to go on Friday.

Trevor Cahill – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now has a 2.91 ERA on the year.  Whatever, I still don’t buy it.  You say stubborn, I say obstinate, let’s call the whole thing off.

Brian Roberts – Given his third epidural.  Betcha he wishes he chose natural childbirth.  My guess is he’ll return in September for a few days just to mock his fantasy owners.

David Hernandez – Got his first save as Juan Samuel finally instilled some common sense into the O’s bullpen and removed the LOOGY from the ninth inning.  Trembley should’ve been fired for that alone.  Do I think Hernandez runs with the job and forces the O’s to put a memorial park in center with his statue in it?  No, probably not.  I don’t think Hernandez even gets out of June still saving games, but grab him now and ask questions later.  He is the closer, which in the O’s bullpen is also known as the tallest midget.

Brett Cecil – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks.  At some point, you’re just gonna have to start all your Blue Jay pitchers in every start.

Carlos Pena – Guess what he did yesterday?  Yup.

Miguel Montero – Will return this weekend.  It’s gonna get awkward around the clubhouse when no one is returning Chris Snyder’s phone calls.

Chad Qualls – 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 5 H.  What song comes on when he enters a game?  Daydream Reliever?  A song from Billy Joel’s ‘Turnstiles’ album?  Bob Dylan’s “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Qualls?”

Tommy Hanson – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks as he threw 121 pitches.  Although, it should be noted that every time he got 3 strikes on the batter, Hanson insisted the umpires let him go to a 5 strike count a’la King Kong Bundy.  This comes just one game after Kenshin Kawakami introduced a new pitch that blows green smoke into batters’ eyes.