Sometimes you ask and you shall receive and in that vein, I begin this month’s Razznasty update. Now I know the two questions you’re asking, what did you ask for and receive? And which vein? First, it’s the main vein, you know the one in the middle…. Secondly, I asked our very own Hippo in the bush Matt Truss to make a push in the standings over the course of June so I could name the next update “Can’t Truss It”. Done and done. I told Mr. Truss-ah Truss that I’d dress as Flavor Flav from this video while I wrote it. Truss, that I held up my end of the bargain, picture me decked out in white tuxedo with top hat and Batman glasses. Unfortunately I can’t share with all of you due to a shortage on the correct cartridges for my vintage Polaroid Sun 600. Sorry boys, and whatever number of girls are reading this year. I believe we were up to five, but we might have lost a few after the Jose Canseco interview. There’s nothing that upsets the ladies more than invasive question about Madonna’s early 90’s sperm brokering. Enough of the bollocks, onto the Razznasty update for June. Dynasty League Baseball at it’s finest.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jonathan Papelbon hit the DL and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.  Though, I’m using the archaic definition of nicer.  An adjective which was once described a jerk off who went to Nice, France and hurled insults.  Example, A nicer man would stand on the curb as Gerard Depardieu passed on his bicycle, screaming, “You are the fattest frog I’ve ever seen and I once force fed a frog to make frog foie gras.”  Filling in for Papelbon will be Shawn Kelley and Felipe Rivero.  Rivero is a lefty, so his best hope for saves is a 9th inning that is lefty heavy like my Facebook feed from my Bernie Sanders-supporting friends.  Of course, Dusty said he wouldn’t commit to any one replacement because Dusty’s gonna Dusty.  He cited other possible candidates to close like Blake Treinen and Sammy Solis.  I wonder if Dusty knows that’s not the slugger he once managed in Chicago.  “Sammy Solis, you came up short with McGwire, but I need you to close out this game.  By the way, go easier on the skin whitening.”  That’s Dusty while juggling the toothpick in his mouth.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Aw, man, now we’re left with the ominous team updates of “Giancarlo Stanton is not in lineup, no other news available.”  I think I need to have a talk with him.  Maybe I’ll hide in the trunk of his car and get out when he parks in his four-car garage, then go in through the kitchen that’s got the espresso machine on the left; not the kitchen with the soft-serve machine.  What?  I memorized his Cribs episode, I never snuck in his house.  So, times are rough for Giancarlo.  The Marlins score 13 runs and he’s not even playing.  Holy sit!  Giancarlo has the lowest batting average for a qualified hitter.  Things are so bad, the other day he hit the hardest recorded ball in StatCast history, 123.9 MPH, and it was a double play.  Digging through his numbers is a little bit encouraging.  His BABIP is way below his career mark; he’s hitting .192, but could hit .250 the rest of the way.  You don’t get him for average; it’s homers you desire like I desire him.  His ground balls are through the roof.  Not literally, unless we’re talking about roofs of ant farms.  All he’s hitting is fly balls and ground balls.  His line drive rate is poor.  He usually kills fastballs.  So far, he’s a negative on them.  That was his bread and butter, and right now he’s toast.  He’s 26 years old; this should be the prime of his beef.  Instead, he’s been getting a steady diet of sliders.  That’s not real beef!  What I think is going on, he’s dealing with some health issues after his collision with OZUNA, he’s not spitting on sliders and waiting for fastballs.  Then when he gets a fastball, he hits it hard, but gets unlucky.  Can all of this be changed with me appearing mysteriously in his Snuggie?  I’m not sure.  The health is an unknown question mark.  Eventually, he should get luckier and do damage on some fastballs, assuming he’s healthy.  I wouldn’t count him out, but health has been an issue for him in the past.  If I were able to get a tasty offer for someone buying him, I could see letting him be someone else’s problem.  For now, I will wait in his bathroom wearing a shirt that matches his wallpaper, and try to ‘talk’ some encouragement into him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Pricing is absolutely wild at two positions on Tuesday night: First Base and Outfield. There are nine outfielders priced at $5,000 or above, while first base has four players in the $5K club. Paul Goldschmidt is the $5,000-club headliner on Tuesday night given his home matchup against the atrocious Matt Moore. I’ve always liked Matt Moore, but my affection for him at this point is that of a two-legged dog. He’s still my buddy, but he’s basically useless. If you look at Moore’s game log over his last 10 starts, you may start vomiting uncontrollably. To say this guy is worthless would be an understatement. It’s been a rough start for Goldschmidt, but the weather is getting warmer and I truly believe he’ll still finish the season batting over .300–he’s at .261 right now. So, pick on Matt Moore on Tuesday night. It’s nothing personal, we all still like you Matt. It’s just business.

New to DraftKings? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday June 13th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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Hello everyone, and welcome to Sunday!

Well, for the first time this year that I’ve covered Sundays, today we have a (somewhat) small 9-game Main Slate on our hands, but with the lack on 12+ games comes with so many options to select and draft our teams from. Maybe even too much offense today. There are so many bad pitchers, and so many great plays, it really sucked that I had to choose which made the cut into this article, especially because there are multiple good plays, yet they’re at similar price points, so I had to choose the better play, unless there was a difference in format to play them, like a distinct GPP play to a distinct cash-game play. Specifically, I found a lot of great offense from the Red Sox, Orioles, Yankees, and Brewers, all who are in circumstances where Vegas has them in great high-scoring games, most notably coming from the Orioles-Indians game, where Vegas has them currently sitting at a 9 O/U. I’m excited to get into it today, and with some great offense coming all throughout yesterday, let’s see if he can get some of that success today. Let’s go!

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday May 30th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Devon Travis was activated from the DL yesterday (1-for-4, 1 run).  Be interesting to see what he can do in his return from shoulder surgery.  Shoulder surgery never really stopped anyone from doing well before.  “Yes, Michael Brantley?  Ask your question.  Okay, if you’re not going to ask your question, at least put your arm down.  You can’t put down your arm?  Oh.”  The Blue Jays said that Travis could move up the order soon, and hit leadoff.  No way, Azul Jays!  You mean Jose Bautista isn’t a leadoff hitter?  That’s downright shocking.  I never would’ve guessed that.  Shiver me Timberlands, and stockpile my hatch chiles before Trump kicks New Mexico out of the union.  There’s been a lot of talk in the comments about how unenthused I am for Travis, and it’s not entirely true.  I would take a flyer on him in all leagues, but it takes hitters a while to return from shoulder surgery, so I’d tempura my expectations.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The amount of elite pitching available on Tuesday is absurd. First off, it’s Kershaw Day and that means you have to decide whether you want to take roughly 28 percent of your salary and invest in the only sure thing on the slate. Other attractive options include the head-to-head matchup between Max Scherzer ($12,700) and Noah Syndergaard ($11,400), both of whom should receive your exposure in selected spots. While I love all three pitchers on Tuesday, it’s hard to pass up another ace in Madison Bumgarner. Everything about this matchup is so perfect that MadBum will probably give up nine earned runs in 0.2 innings pitched and completely tank your line. JUST KIDDING! Bumgarner is safe and will be a chalk cash game play, but that’s okay. All we care about is results. This could very well be the first game of the season where Bumgarner goes the distance. Even if he doesn’t the strikeouts will be plentiful and a win seems likely.

New to DraftKings? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday May 23rd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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Typically I lead every Monday with a solid Starting Pitcher pick but since today’s starters are underwhelming at best, we’re going to concentrate on some juicy stacks. Michael Pineda, or the Human Pinata, is in Coors Junior and he’s given up 7 long balls to RHB. Stack 1, Paul Goldschmidt, Welington Castillo, Jean Segura, Yamany Tomas, Brandon Drury, and Jake Lamb ( I know he’s a lefty, but he’s been raking). Manaea Mania came and went, thankfully I dropped him after his second start because he coughed up 8 ER last time out against Boston. Unfortunately Texas doesn’t have too many RHB, so this is more of a mini stack, Ian Desmond, Adrian Beltre and Ryan Rua. I’d really like to jump all over Jon Niese tonight as he’s already let up 8 HR’s to RHB. Too bad Atlanta only has Jeff Francoeur and a couple other scrubs. The final stack of the night is against the cobbler, Matt Shoemaker. Anytime this guy has taken the mound post 2014 he’s been crushed by the long ball. I’m crushing on Joc Pederson, Corey Seager and Yasmani Grandal tonight. As I mentioned, the pitching isn’t ideal tonight, but there’s a few matchups that could help us cash in tonight, especially if you want to go big risk, big reward. Tonight is the debut of our new Razzball Exclusive League on DraftKings, so be sure to check it out!

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Arizona Diamondbacks rookie Brandon Drury (62.0% owned; +41.5% over the past week) is this week’s most added player in ESPN leagues. If you thought that the DBacks traded all of their promising prospects to the Braves in the Shelby Miller trade earlier this offseason, well, it’s understandable. Dave Stewart might have given up his firstborn child and Curt Schilling’s World Series ring in that deal, but Drury survived the exodus to make the big league roster and platoon with incumbent Jake Lamb at third base for the snakes this season. At least, that was the initial plan. Drury impressed so much in the early going that he quickly forced himself into the everyday lineup and has done everything in his power to stay there. Since April 17th (19 games), Drury has produced 13 runs, 6 homers, 11 RBI, and a .329/.354/.671 triple slash line in 82 plate appearances. Not too shabby. To keep his hot bat in the lineup as well as get Lamb some playing time against right-handed pitching, the DBacks have moved Drury all over the diamond (2B/3B/LF/RF) this season, which should make for some nice positional versatility (though he might not get enough starts at 2B to qualify there). Those are the positives. The negatives (for fantasy purposes) are that he doesn’t have much speed (0 SBs in his last 111 games between AAA and MLB), has limited on-base skills (3 walks in 109 PA this season; 2 walks in 59 MLB PA last season), and is more of a LD/GB hitter than a fly ball one (27.3% FB% in MLB). Drury’s ability to make solid contact should keep his average respectable (.270ish range), but he’s better served as a flexible bench piece in the Brock Holt mold rather than counted on as a fantasy cornerstone.

Here are a couple of other interesting adds/drops in fantasy baseball over the past week:

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*walks into a Moroccan marketplace*  I got me some Marra-CASH to spend!  Hoo-ah!  Wow, I sound a little like Al Pacino in my own head.  Okay, I’m going to go over to that table that is filled with players to buy low.  “Hello…*reads name tag* Djibooti, I see you’re selling slow-starting hitters for a deal.”  “Good deal!  Good deal!”  “Well, I’ll be the judge of that.”  *picks up Justin Upton*  “This smells like skunk.”  “No skunk!  Good deal!”  *goes through crates filled with albums that have a player’s face on them, lifts Lorenzo Cain*  “How much?”  “Djibooti need to check MLB Statcast.”  Djibooti looks at his iPad, looks up and snatches Cain out of my hands.  “No longer for sale!”  “Damn, Djibooti, don’t put your emotions in a tagine and get them all heated.”  So, Lorenzo Cain obviously was struggling mightily going into yesterday’s game, and, now, not so much — 3-for-5, 5 RBIs with 3 HRs (3, 4, 5).  This is why I rarely sell low on struggling top 50 hitters.  There was a reason they were drafted there in the first place.  Now the buy low is going to be much more difficult too.  “Djibooti, how much for David Price?”  “You take for free!  He’s yours!”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?