Fantasy Baseball Advice

Evan Longoria is out 3 weeks with an oblique injury.  He’s not to pick up a bat, ball or AK-47.  Looks like the oblique is still the number one injury that no one has any clue about.  Intercostal injury twirls its Snidely Whiplash mustache and plots its revenge.  For those who lost Holliday and Longoria this weekend, I’m pouring some Mad Dog out for you.  BTW, I was just thinking something… CAN WE FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DEAL IS WITH THE OBLIQUE AND HOW TO PREVENT THESE INJURIES?  Seriously, modern medicine step up your game!  There’s gotta be something that we can do.  Have we tried to apply dolphin tears to the sore area?  If I were on Celebrity Apprentice, I’d be playing for a cure for oblique injuries.  This injury should guarantee everyday ABs for Sean Rodriguez.  Great, that eases my pain.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Matt Holliday – Out up to a month for an appendectomy?  Isn’t this an outpatient procedure?  My friend in high school had out his appendix then funneled a forty of Old E to ease the soreness.  Granted, he was mental and is now in prison, but c’mon… Buck up, players!  I own some of you in fantasy.  Having a similar procedure last year, Andres Torres returned after 11 days.  Corey Hart took 4 weeks, but he’s Amish.  I think Holliday will be out 3 weeks.  It’s too early in the season for them to rush him back.  The Federalist, Jon Jay should see most of the time in his stead.  Allen Craig will see the occasional ABs though, so in most leagues I wouldn’t add either.

Mike Minor – He’s back.  But it may not be for long.  Jar-Jar is set to make a rehab start on April 11th then potentially return after that.  So you’re looking at two maybe more starts from Minor.  I’d add him in all leagues, but I wouldn’t drop anyone worthwhile yet.  Because I’m psychic, I’ll answer your question right now.  Beachy over Minor for now.

Jaime Garcia – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Murray Chass — 1.  “Newfangled stats” that said Garcia would regress — 0.

Dustin Moseley – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks.  How about the gutsy performances the Hodgepadres gave this weekend away from home?  Sheer force-itude!    Wait a second, I’m now looking at the Cards lineup.  Hmm… They may as well bat the pitcher fourth.

Matt Garza – 7 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 12 Ks.  It’s an extravaGarza!  That’s a real nice sign even vs. the Pirates since their hitting isn’t its usual crizzap self.

Alfonso Soriano – 1-for-4 with a homer.  He was in the post about hitters who do well in April.  I’d give him the month to see if it holds.

Mike Napoli – Hit his 2nd homer.  Not much of a limb here, but he could hit 30 homers.

Nelson Cruz – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer.  Kinsler also hit his third homer in yesterday’s game.  Over IM, Rudy said something like, “If Cruz, Hamilton and Kinsler were to play 155+ games, they’d all be MVP candidates.”  And that’s me paraphrasing Rudy!

Fernando Rodney – He’s hot garbage.  No.  He’s cold garbage that you take out of the trash can, put in the microwave and serve in a dirty ashtray.  The bullpen is in tatters.  Shattered.  I grabbed Takahashi in a few leagues because the Sciosciapath may see that he has closing experience and get the giggles.  Though I would grab Walden first, then Jepsen; they were, unfortunately, gone in my leagues.

Bobby Abreu – 4-for-4, homer.  Another guy that was in the best April hitters post.  Cust kayin’.

Howie Kendrick – 2 homers yesterday, 3 in four games.  I liked Kendrick coming into this year, and now I’m check raising to the bettor that he has a solid season.

Alex Gordon – 4-for-6, 4 runs, 1 RBI and batted third.  Cool, do it for another five straight months and all will be forgiven for the three years of anguish you put me through.

Ryan Hanigan – 4-for-4, 2 homers.  You ever wanna wonder if everyone in the world has a doppelganger but because there’s so many people you’ll never meet them?  Like somewhere there’s a Brian Hanigan who looks and acts exactly like Ryan Hanigan, but, instead of catching in the Major Leagues, Brian Hanigan lives in Fiji and catches coconuts when they fall from palm trees.  Yeah, maybe it’s me.  Hanigan could push Ramon Hernandez into a backup role rather than the timeshare they’re in.  But, as of right now, Hanigan might be tough to own in one catcher mixed leagues.

Jose Bautista – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer.  2010 called, they want your insane year back.  I still believe Bautista won’t come close to last year.  If he has twenty homers by the All-Star Break, then I’ll send out my mea culpas and buy everyone a Frosty from Wendy’s.*  *Offer not good in the 48 contiguous states, Canada or anywhere else.

Joe Nathan – Got the save but gave up an earned run.  I’d continue to hold Capps.

Miguel Cabrera – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs, 2 homers, and one late Saturday night with Charlie Sheen.

Brennan Boesch – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs, 1 homer and was hitting third because the unreliable-to-stay-healthy Maggs was out.  It’s a situation worth monitoring.  Or not.  Your choice.

Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks but the Win.  There should be a glossary term for when your pitcher does awful but because you get the win, you’re sorta okay with it.  Please make suggestions in the comments.

Phil Hughes – 4 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K and the Yanks pitching coach is concerned about his loss in velocity.  I wanted nothing to do with Hughes this year.  I.e., if you Hughes, you lose.

Jorge Posada – 2 homers.  Hip Hop Jorge!

Justin Masterson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 0 Ks.  Note to Self:  If Masterson has two more quality starts, start touting him as a pickup.  Note to Self, II:  You know as soon as you tout him he’s gonna kick you in the nads.  Note to Self, III:  There’s no Note to Self, III.

Carl Crawford – Dropped to 7th in the lineup.  Wow, Francona is like one of those crazy fantasy managers that drops their fifth round pick because they went 0-for-5.  Not naming any names.  Though there’s a few of you that might qualify.

Carlos Gomez – 1 for his last 8 with three Ks.  He was in Friday’s Buy/Sell, but he could also be on the bench by April 15th.

Brian Matusz – Going to the DL with a strained intercostal muscle.  Watch out oblique!  I’m gaining on you!  He’s a marginal 10/12-team mixed league starter at this point (mainly because of AL East and his crappy team) so you can drop him if you don’t have an open DL spot.

Zach Britton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  First Brandon Belt, now Britton.  It’s hard to believe in Oriole SP prospects for mixed league play after the mixed results of Matusz (and Tillman and Arrieta and the Razztastic, Brad Bergesen).  Britton doesn’t project as well as Matusz, but he induces a lot of ground balls which should limit his downside.  And while his K-rate isn’t stellar, it’s not Buehrle-bad (7.60 per 9 IP in AAA).  For now, Britton’s a viable match-up candidate (I’d like to say great for the pun) assuming he’s not going against the AL East, Texas, or at Chicago.

Kyle Drabek – KD left us with a constant craving for more – giving up only one hit and 3 walks with 7 K’s in 7 innings.  I haven’t seen Twins abused that bad since this one porn…. Drabek’s a must-own in deep leagues but still pretty marginal for 10-12 team leagues.

J.P. Arencibia – 2 HRs and a triple on Friday.  Thatsa one spicy hitting line!  From now on, he will be known as Napolito.

Travis Wood – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  May not have made this known as much as I should’ve, but I absolutely love Wood.  Okay, that sounded wrong.  I’d definitely grab Wood.  Okay, still wrong.

R.A. Dickey – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I don’t like Dickey.  Hmm, this has devolved, hasn’t it?

Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, though when I saw the score was 11-2 I did have a bit of Ticker Shock.

Mike Morse – 1 for his first 9.  The retractable leash is stopped and soon I’m gonna start pulling him in.

Brian Wilson – Ready to return from his oblique injury.  Because of the mysterious Yin-Yang nature of the oblique, I blame Wilson’s good health for Longoria’s injury.

Ubaldo Jimenez – Might miss his next start because he switched manicurists and his cuticle was cut.  His plan is to try and heal his finger by soaking it in pickle juice, which sounds like a cure out of My Big Fat Greek Wedding or a Judy Blume book.

Bud Norris – 4 IP, 5 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Not great.  We’re in agreement on that point, but four came in the first (three were a homer by Howard), then he settled down.

Brett Wallace – 0-for-3, batting .091 so far.  His uncle George Wallace is not smiling in a blue suit at Brett’s performance so far.

Mike Stanton – Has a strain in one of his pony sticks, but he should be back in a few days.

Javier Vazquez – 2 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners.  Hey, at least he didn’t run over my dog.  I have very little patience with this schmohawk.  I’m not dropping him in my leagues yet, but I’m making contingency plans.  If I’m using the word contingency correctly.

Donnie Murphy – Will miss a day or two after being hit on the wrist.  Must’ve been Murph’s past coming back.  “I did some bad things, Fredi.”  That’s from Ben Affleck’s new movie where a Boston ex-con becomes a major leaguer but can’t escape his past.  “Hey, Sully, what the fick is a Mahlin?”  Starring Ben Affleck as Donnie Murphy!  And Casey Affleck as Chris Coghlan!  Ben Affleck, “Hey, Matty, how about you and me in a movie for old time’s sake?”  “Ask Renner.”  “You can use your Boston accent.”  “Ask Robin.”  “What, cause I’m not Martin Friggin’ Scorcese?  Where was Mahtin when you got in a fight in high school with Big Fitzy?”

Jose Tabata, the Latin 21, one-time lauded Yankee prospect, was initially heralded as a power corner-OF but wrist issues have seem to have inspired Tabata to become the next Nyjer Morgan.  He’ll likely have a harder time outrunning MLB catcher throws than those in AAA.  And, much like his doughelganger ciabatta, the rest of his stats may be tough to swallow.  (BTW, does he realize that the B in SB stands for base, not baby?  Similar misconception for Kris Benson when he found out that SO stands for strikeouts and not slutty outfits.)  Tabata went 2-for-4 with a steal, leaving with a leg cramp.  He’ll be fine.  I’d grab him in all but the shallowest leagues for steals.  You could get some power.  What’s the worst that happens?  He goes 0-for-35 and steals your baby?  Big whoop!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Lincoln – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  The Nats were treated to another major league debut… Jose Tabata.  Oh, and Lincoln.  I just went over Brad Lincoln for fantasy.  After watching him, he didn’t change my mind about only grabbing him in NL-Only leagues.

Neil Walker – 2-for-5 and a steal, batting .327 in 55 ABs since his call-up while hitting in the 2-hole.  Speaking of two holes…

Aramis Ramirez – To the Disgraceful List.  March Grey is meeting with James Cameron to figure out a BP fix, but read what he had to say back then.

Geovany Soto – 2-for-4 with 2 homers.  It’s why you Ron Popeil your catchers and “Set it and forget it.”

Marlon Byrd – 2-for-5 and 2 homers to give him 9 on the year.  Hey, career year, what’s going on?  Say hello to your mother for me!

Randy Wolf – 4 2/3 IP, 8 ER and gave up 5 homers.  Wolfman jacked!  I figured he’d fall back to earth hard after last year, but I didn’t even think it would be this bad.

Nate McLouth – Collided with Jason Heyward in a sickening McOuch.  Sickening for Heyward owners.  Heyward’s fine.  McLousy could be out for a while.

John Ely – Torre said he wanted to start “taking care of Ely.”  So he’s skipping his next turn so Ely can face the Red Sox next in Fenway.  Thanks, Torre!

Jake Arrieta – As frequent commenter, 3FingersBrown, said in the comments, “Arrieta makes his debut (today) against the Yanks because that’s a great lineup for a young pitcher to gain confidence against in his first big league start.  It’s as though they watched Strasburg and said, “That worked out great!  Let’s do the opposite.”  He doesn’t even have Shutdown Sauce to back him up, so at best he’ll get to see a great start blown by the bullpen.  Sad, silly team there in Charm City.”  Stephen broke down Jake Arrieta for fantasy.  Outside of AL-Only or keeper leagues, I wouldn’t go near him.  Forget those O’s pitchers, bad division, terrible team.

Ryan Ludwick – Hit his 10th homer.  Guess he’s only good every other year.  We will call him, Ludwick Van Evenyears.

David Price – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Wasn’t the prettiest of wins for Price.  Was the kinda wins that make me think his ERA might catch up to his FIP.  But right now I’m kicking myself in the no-no area for labeling him a sleeper in the preseason and then not drafting him anywhere.  Damn, this was my year to get him too, because you know next year’s he’s gonna be… Wait for it… Here it comes… Hmm… I thought it was here… Did I leave it in the car?… Oh, no, it’s here.  He’ll be overrated.

Carlos Pena – And another homer.  Yeah, gonna have to up the over/under homer total for June to 10.

Delmon Young – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in 3 games.  I could see him being a post-hype sleeper next year.  Never know, he might string a streak together right now.

Justin Masterson – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Red Sawx, a team no one in their right mind would start him against.  It’s a snide remark under his breath, it’s pretending to not see you… No, it’s Justin Masterson:  The Passive Aggressive Fantasy Starter.

Felipe Paulino – 8 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Has actually been a very serviceable deep league option.  No chance for wins and a bit too wild for straight roto mixed leagues, but I’d grab him in H2H leagues if he had the right matchup.  And that’s me sorta, kinda endorsing him!

Sean Rodriguez – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and hitting around .330 over the last week and a nine game hitting streak.  Currently, hitting everyone but he has a .344 average vs. lefties and a .203 average vs. righties.  Was a favorite of mine coming into the year.  Right now, he looks startable, but could be a platoon guy.

Shaun Marcum – 4 IP, 7 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks.  You get through the Red Sawx and the Yankees and then you have to deal with the Rays.  This is the biggest problem I have with AL East pitchers.  There’s no let up– Oh, Marcum gets the Padres and Giants next.  Yes, please!

Brennan Boesch – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer in a row.  Or as he tells himself in the mirror every morning, “You are Boesch-a-boom-boom!”  Now batting near .500 over his last 7 games.

Alexei Ramirez – Hit his 6th homer.  As he’s wont to do, he’s getting hot with the weather.  Yes, wont.

Ryan Hanigan – Progressing well from his fractured thumb, still life goes on with Corky Miller.

Drew Stubbs – 2-for-4 with his 7th homer and 2 Ks.  He hits for power, has blazing speed, but strikes out like a madman.  That’s the Stubbs rub.

Aaron Harang – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s post about starters who should be much better.  So postdate my ‘I told you so.’

Adam Jones – 1-for-3 with a steal.  That makes me even happier than his homer the other day.  Now at least he’s giving value besides the occasional homer.  Git r dun, Pacman!

Nick Markakis – 2-for-5, 0 Runs and 0 RBIs.  Now hitting .293 with 3 homers and 1 steal on the year.  Has there ever been a more yawnstipating three hole hitter?  I know Sparkakis, and you, sir, are not him.  Turn in your codpiece.

Jayson Werth – Before the game was postponed, Werth was out of the lineup again in favor of Ben Francisco.  Maybe Charlie Manuel and Jayson Werth can resolve their differences.  Or Jayson could hit him in the back with a folding chair, jump from the top of his locker and drop the elbow!

Buster Posey – Hit his first home run.  It was a moon shot too.  Eli Whiteside bartered with the fan to get the ball back.  “What, you don’t like garlic fries?  I’ll send you some lox from my guy in New York.  Be a mensch…. Buster’s mishpocheh.”

You never owned Aubrey Huff before, but going into your draft you glanced at your cheatsheets and saw Huff’s 2008 numbers and thought you really found something purdy.  You called your lady and said, “Baby, tonight we can watch any Kate Hudson movie you want, I got Aubrey Huff in my draft!” So you sat through Ten Things I Hate About Kate Hudson and Matthew I’m-Kinda-Gay and thought life’s okay, this movie will end and Huff will still be on my team.  Now you’re thinking about how you wish you had Gordo Sandoval and those two hours of your life back.  No fear, Flav loves reindeer.  Aubrey Huff hit .231 last May and .337 in June.  Then .332 in the 2nd half.  In 2007, he hit .309 compared to .258 in the 1st half.  Listen, I hate Huff.  Seems like he leaves 20% in the locker room, but he’s repeatedly shown to be a 2nd half hitter.  I wouldn’t buy him with Gallardo, but I think at this point, you don’t have to.  You can probably get him for very cheap.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Mike MacDougal – I gave up on the Nats and their perpetually frustrating closerousel, but you, friend, you’re your own person.  I’d grab some Tagamet if you’re going for Macky D’s.

Ryan Madson – Oh, but Lidge will return and then Madson will lose the job and…. Oh, Grey what do I do?!?! Pickup Madson, random italicized voice.

Ryan Hanigan – If you get an erection for longer than four hours after picking up Hanigan, then you should see a doctor, but he does have catcher eligibility and he’s been playing and hitting (.313 in June).

Scott Podsednik – SAGNOF!

Tony Gwynn – Batting .429 in the last 7 games.  I think his average ends up closer to Chris Gwynn than Tony, but he has speed to burn (not calories like his old man).

Juan Rivera – I debated whether to add him because he’s really just about any other random schmohawk outfielder on waivers with power, but he’s been hot.  He can probably out-homer Vlad on the season.  Though that’s less an endorsement of Rivera and more an indictment of Vlad.

Nick Masset – MR. B’s alert.  Masset has 23 Ks in 23 2/3 IP and has only given up 2 runs so far this year.

Gavin Floyd – I had every intention of putting Floyd in the sell section, then I started looking at his numbers.  Floyd has a 40/12 K/BB in his last six games.  His road/home splits are atrocious, so I wouldn’t start in away games, but I’d grab him in 12 team leagues for home games.  And that’s me semi-sorta-endorsing Floyd!  It’s a brand new day, Sting.

Russell Branyan – This Buy is for the guys in the back of the room.  He’s at 35/14/29/.317/2 on the season.  He’s currently showing Cantu what he can do when he do the voodoo he do.

Colby Rasmus – He’s on his way to a 20/10 season, which is yawnstipating in 10 team leagues, but there’s a place on it in deeper leagues.  If he gets the oh-so-coveted number two slot in the order in front of Pujols, his Meatballs To Hit Ratio will go up.  If he gets the cleanup spot, his future will be cloudy with a chance of meatballs, but his RBIs will increase.  This blurb was brought to you by Sony Pictures.

Clint Barmes – Over .400 in June… Near .500 over the last week.  Hmm… Those are kinda the same thing.  Hey, ya’ll, we got a new MI to pickup.

Sean West – Okay, in NL-Only leagues, but you’re basically asking to get tied to the WHIPping post in mixed leagues if you go West, young man.

SELL

Dan Haren - I almost made him the lead, but I didn’t want to panic people by doing one of my patent pending Sell Yells.  (It involves lots of exclamation marks and a title rhyming Haren with barren.)  Haren’s a notoriously weaker 2nd half pitcher, but it’s not like he becomes Sidney Ponson.  He’s just not as dominating in the 2nd half.  I wouldn’t trade him for a ticket to see Jersey Boys, but I would start exploring offers.  History tells us that the best is not yet to come.

Kendry Morales – Four!…Air ball!…Punt!

Nick Blackburn – 4.01 K/9 for Blechburn.

Geovany Soto – I told you to sell him the 3rd week of the season.  Well, he hit two homers this last week.  If you can get anything, and I mean anything (MacDougal, comes to mind), I’d do it.

Carlos Quentin – I’m contractually obligated to trash a White Sox player after I’ve trashed a Cubs one – The Abe Froman Peace Accord of 1986.  I think some time in August is a safe bet for Quentin’s return.  At which point, two things can happen.  1) He returns and he’s productive.  2) He returns, struggles and reinjures himself.  You may want to believe in one, but two seems more likely at this point.  For those who don’t know, before Quentin broke out last year, he was an injury-prone prospect.  You can change the spots but not the leopard, or whatever that cliche is.

Scott Feldman – He’s a solid number two.  I’m not talking about the number he is in anyone’s rotation.