Fantasy Baseball Advice

Lefty pitchers facing the Rangers this year just lost three Ks a game as righty, Ryan Garko, was added to the roster to spell Chris Davis. Then again, maybe not. If Seattle passed on him for a Kotchman/Sweeney blahtoon, what makes you think he’s going to light it up in Texas? The only person really happy about this is Mark Reynolds. His single season strikeout record just got some breathing room. This will hurt Davis’s Runs and RBIs a bit, but you weren’t drafting him for those stats anyway. Last year, Davis hit .189 and 4 homers in 122 ABs vs. lefties. You’re going to miss those numbers? Nah, Garko’s doing you a favor. So you might have to grab a waiver wire flier when the Rangers face a lefty-heavy staff, but if anything this helps Davis. He might now jump the .250 turdle. Anyway, here’s what else happened yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Joe Blanton – Could miss up to 6 weeks on the DL with a tweaked oblique (vague!). I told everyone to avoid him. So, if you drafted him, here’s the world’s smallest violin. Here’s me putting the world’s smallest violin on eBay. When someone meets the opening bid of one cent, I’ll have them play it for you.

Brian Roberts – He’s played in three consecutive games (watch out, Gehrig!) and says he’s fine. The Orioles grabbed Julio Lugo as insurance. I wouldn’t read too much into that. Roberts has a bad back and it may hinder his running game for a while. That’s the part I’d read into.

Brandon Webb – Had a cortisone shot for some swelling on his shoulder. Yeah, this sounds like it’s working out real well. Maybe when they surgically-repaired his shoulder they shouldn’t have used leftover tendons from Rich Harden.

Jermaine Dye – Reports are swirling that he almost signed with the Brewers. He’ll probably sign somewhere. When he does, he’ll have Ludwick-type value.

Blake DeWitt – Awarded the 2nd base job over Belliard.  Well, there goes my first round 1st baseman in Fantasy Razzball and the seven minutes I spent transforming my Donnie Ball t-shirt into a Ronnie Belliard jersey.  DeWitt’s an underappreciated comedic actress… Wait, Google, I’m looking for Blake DeWitt.  Oh, he’s a poor man’s Casey McGehee.

Carlos Beltran – Should be running in 10 days. That puts his first setback at around April 12th.

Daniel Murphy – Out for 6 weeks.  Dag Hammarskjöld!  Tough day for my Fantasy Razzball team.  Guess I’ll have to go with my third and fourth choice for 1st base and corner… Martin Prado and Chris Coste! Yes, Coste has 1st base eligibility. Thank you, 2009 Astros!

Mike Jacobs – He’ll be the new Mets first baseman. 2010 Mets program should read, “The brand new Mets, same as the old mess!” Jacobs could provide some cheap power in NL-Only leagues or deep mixed leagues at corner infidel, but only if he’s facing a righty. Those in keepers or deep NL-Only leagues will want to keep an eye on Ike Davis.

Mark Teixeira – Returned to game action after missing a few days with a bruised elbow, which is nowhere as delicious as a braised elbow. Tex’ll be fine; he’s durable.

Cristian Guzman – Played some outfield yesterday. A’la Nelson Muntz, Ha-Ha! Riggleman said, “I don’t want (Guzman) to get stale.” I replied, “Too late.” He didn’t hear me. Different rooms and all that.

Felipe Paulino – Named the Astros’ fifth starter. I’ll go over him this afternoon in the return of the Buy/Sell. You can hardly wait. No, you!

Angel Guzman – Said he’ll be ready for next season. Our breath is bated. On a related note, isn’t it weird how it’s pronounced Angel in English, but pronounced On-hell in Spanish? Hmm, that’s not that related.

Brian Anderson – Decided to ditch his career as an outfielder and try his hand at pitching.  He credited Kyle Davies as his inspiration and Chaz Bono for his courage.  Speaking of which, we need an entry for the Razzball Glossary for pitchers who become hitters and vice versa.  Suggest in the comments, thank you.

Matt Lindstrom was named the Astros closer.  Over/under on game-winning HRs given up to Pujols:  3.  Lindstrom had a 1.65 WHIP and a 5.89 ERA last year.  So, no, I don’t think he’s safe.  Would I own him?  Sure.  I also don’t think the Astros will have that many saves so it’s not worth holding onto Brandon Lyon, unless your league’s very deep or you don’t trust yourself to be the first one to the waiver wire to grab Lyon if/or when Lindstrom’s removed from the closer role.  Just think, better you wasted a low draft pick on Lyon than $5 million per year over three years.  Somewhere, Ed Wade’s toupee shrugs.  Anyway, here’s what else is going on in fantasy baseball:

Ian Kinsler – May start the year on the DL.  More like a month of May start.  Okay, if you’re not paying attention to my hints over the last two days of posts, I’m officially worried about Kinsler.  If he’s not good in April and not good in the 2nd half, when’s he going to be good?  May through June?  I’d pull up on the Kinsler throttle if I were drafting this weekend.  If you’re already pot-committed, I would just hold tight and hope for the best.  You don’t short sell your 2nd round pick, unless of course you’re getting a 2nd rounder back.  Why am I so worried about Kinsler and not, say, Reyes?  Reyes is coming two to three rounds later.  Reyes can run at full speed; Kinsler can’t run.  He hasn’t been able to run since March 12th.  Earth to Kinsler owners, that ain’t good.

Lance Berkman – The whole testing the knee thing didn’t go well.  His knee swelled up like fugu.  Doesn’t sound like he’ll be ready for Opening Day.

Nate Robertson – The Tigers are paying the Marlins $9.6 million to take Robertson.  This should be the sequel to Sophie’s Choice.  The Tigers deciding between an atrocious pitcher and almost ten million dollars.  “Well… It is ten million dollars and we are going to lose at least 70 games.”  “Nate Robertson could lose that many by himself.” “You’re right.  I’ll call the Marlins.”

Felix Pie – Officially named the Orioles’ left fielder.  Trembley said they’re just taking it easy on Reimold because of his Achilles’.  What’s up with him pulling a Kotchman with his Achilles’?  He had this surgery back in September.  Reimold is talented, but you can’t wait around for an injured sleeper.  In most leagues, I’d let him go and grab a different outfielder.

Kevin Millwood – I feel like everywhere he goes he’s the number one pitcher on his staff and that’s more of an indictment of his current team’s pitching staff than anything.  Behind Millwood on the Orioles staff:  Guthrie, Matusz, Bergesen and David Hernandez, who I believe starred opposite Kirsten Drunkst in Crazy/Beautiful.  Someone who’s obviously missing…

Chris Tillman – Didn’t make the Opening Day roster.  The Orioles are obviously playing for 2014.  Maybe the Tigers can pay for the Orioles to play some of their rookies.  If you own Tillman, you shouldn’t anymore outside of keepers and AL-Only leagues.

Ryan Garko – Mariners placed him on waivers.  Really thought the Mariners would use him in their platoon and not Sweeney.  I was wrong.  Not the first time, won’t be the last.  Luckily, my mustache catches most of my mistakes.

David Freese – Tony La Russa took time away from saving chinchillas and officially named Freese the Opening Day 3rd baseman.  Went over what Freese can do at the deep sleeper post.  (La Russa also named Garcia the 5th starter.  He got some face time in this post.  Then there’s this post that you’re reading right now.  I mean, I’m assuming you’re reading it.  Otherwise, you’re just staring at the screen.  That’s a little weird.  Hey, is it distracting for me to talk to you while you’re reading?)

Mark Teixeira – Was hit by a pitch the other day on the elbow, causing a contusion.  When Tex was hit, Nick Johnson winced and nearly threw out his back.  Both should be fine for Opening Day.

Aroldis Chapman – The Reds are expected to send Chapman to the minors to start the year.  That’ll give Dusty only half a season to wear out his arm.  I have faith in Dusty though; he can get it done.  Dusty stockpiles arms like a mujahid.

Francisco Liriano – Will be the 5th starter for the Twins.  Now the guy who was standing next to the guy who was thinking about Liriano as the closer can get rid of his “I’m With Stupid” shirt.  Wanna read all about Liriano’s sleeper status, get on it.

Corey Hart – Melvin said Hart’s not guaranteed a job.  It’s something to take note of, but I think this might just be trying to light a fire under him.  Who else are they going to?  Jim Edmonds?  I think he’s a MLB Network commentator.  Jody Gerut?  She screwed up my order at Friendly’s last week.

Mat Latos – Continued his real solid spring, which was briefly interrupted by arm issues.  If he’s made their fifth starter, it’s a hodgepadre with upside, aka giddy up.

Jamie Moyer – Named the Phillies 5th starter.  In related news, dirt’s old.

Cody Ross – Might open the season on the DL.  Might be the best thing that happens to you if you own him.  Now you can pick up someone else.

Eric Stults – Dodgers sold him to a team in Japan.  Is this the player to be named later for Kuroda?  Japan is littered with Rocky Dennis Fan Clubs so it’s unclear if the Japanese team knew which Eric Stults they were getting.

Orlando Hudson to the Twins.  Anyone ever wonder about how Disneyland and Disney World are both in an Orange County in two different states?  Weird, right?  Yeah, deep thoughts with Grey Albright.  So Orlando Hudson goes to the Twins and retains the same value he’s had with every other team.  You can set your watch to “Blah” and Hudson will get there every time.  He’s around the same value as Crapolanco.  He’ll slide into the two hole in the lineup and slash around 85/10/65/.290/10.  As they say, a better real baseball move.  And by “they,” I mean whoever says that.  The best part of signing Hudson is that Twins fans can say see-ya to Casilla as a starter at 2B and punt Punto to under 200 plate appearances.  Anyway, here’s some more signings and goings-on for 2010 fantasy baseball:

Orlando Cabrera — To the Reds.  Orlando Cabrera is slightly more exciting than Hudson, but really it couldn’t have been more yawnstipating.  O-Cab brings a bit more speed potential with a slightly lower average.  Think 80/10/75/.275/15.  Not a bad name to look at late at MI, but you’ll definitely grow bored of him sometime in April.

Erik Bedard – Resigns with the M’s.  Solid for about three months of the six month season.  Unfortunately, no one has any idea when those three months will come.

Kevin Gregg – Signed on with the Blue Jays.  <sarcasm>When your team will battle for last place in the toughest division and you have guys that are capable of being the closer, why not sign a mediocre closer?</sarcasm> I imagine this signing is like what my friend we call, Cheap Bastard, does.  (You know, Fat Bastard.  Well, my friend’s cheap.)  He doesn’t really need a six gallons of chicken broth from Costco, but it’s on sale.  Everyone’s got a friend like this, or you are this person.  I figure the Jays will just trade Gregg away at the trading deadline.  Gregg’s not a terrible closer like his rap sheet may indicate.  He was a bit unlucky last year with homers allowed.  He was an unnecessary purchase for the Jays, but he’s no worse than most eh closers.  Around a 4 ERA, around a 1.30 WHIP and decent Ks — about 8 K/9, which puts him in the 60 K range on the year.  If he’s getting saves, he’s worth owning.  SAGNOF!  I think he will be the closer for at least the first part of the year.

Ryan Garko – Signed with the Mariners.  Again, another better in real baseball type move.  He’ll hurt Casey Kotchman’s playing time, but, as we all know, Kotchman was hurting his own playing time.

Adam Kennedy – Signs with the Nats and soils my Ian Desmond sleeper post.  Jim Riggleman said Ian Desmond could play all three outfield positions, shortstop and second base.  Not an ideal situation.  Will have to see what playing time is like for Desmond now.  If he can get 400 ABs, he’ll still have value, just not nearly as much.  I haven’t had such harsh feelings for a Kennedy since the early 90′s VJ.

The comments were shut off on the Position Eligibility for 2010 Fantasy Baseball post because that post was just listing players and their eligibility for 2010 fantasy baseball.  Now, in this here post, we get down to business.  Or bidness, if you mispronounce business.  That business is pointing out players that gain some advantage by having more eligibility than they know what to do with.  Are you going to finish the rest of that 3rd base eligibility? Multiple position eligibility is a funny thing.  Just when you think someone has no value, they unbutton the top button on their shirt and a heaving bosom of multiple position eligibility comes pouring out.  It’s the “butterface” of fantasy players.  Thanks for dinner, Ian Stewart, but I have a headache… *reveals 2nd base eligibility*  Well, you don’t have to go home just yet.  If I left someone off of this post from the position eligibility for 2010 fantasy baseball post it’s because I didn’t see any added boost in their value from having extra eligibility.  Or maybe I forgot them.  I’m half-idiot, sometimes.  Anyway, here’s some players who see a boost in their 2010 fantasy baseball value because of their multiple position eligibility:

Victor Martinez – You want him at catcher, but the added eligibility is nice if you lose a 1st baseman to an injury and need to slot in V-Mart.  Krishna knows it’s easier to find a random schmohawk catcher off waivers than a 1st baseman.

Jorge Cantu – Without the 3rd base eligibility, he wouldn’t even be drafted in most leagues.  With the eligibility, you still want to avoid him.  For those keeping score, that’s damned if you do, and damned if you do.

Chris Davis – When you’re looking to draft a player that is capable of striking out 300 times, you probably want them at a corner infidel spot, so the additional 3rd base eligibility doesn’t add much.  If you don’t play with corner infielders, you want Davis at 3rd, but with only 11 games there you may be S.O.L. in some leagues. (Damn you, ESPN.)

Ryan Garko – From the files of “Yeah, No Kidding,” he’s a whole lot more appealing as a 5th outfielder than a 1st baseman.  And even in the outfield, it’s really only in deep leagues.

Bobby Crosby – Psyche!  He has no added value anywhere, but seeing him on the position eligibility list made me realize something.  He played 54 games at 1st base and 42 at 3rd base.  Billy Beane might be like the Orson Wells of baseball GMs.  The Moneyball years is to Citizen Kane as Bobby Crosby playing 1st and 3rd base is to Orson Welles shilling for cheap wine.

Clint Barmes – 2nd base eligibility is nice, but, as the Yankee Doodles used to say, shortstop eligibility is macaroni.

Alberto Callaspo – With MI and CI eligibility, he has the coveted superfecta of eligibility.  Though, I wouldn’t say Callaspo is necessarily coveted.  Funny how that worked.

Jose Lopez – You want him at 2nd base or MI.

Ben Zobrist – Zobrist’s risk of not repeating is definitely counterbalanced by the nice eligibility.  He played 91 games at 2nd base, 70 games at outfield and 13 games at shortstop.  Hmm… No wonder he hit 27 homers and stole 17 bases, he played in 174 games.

Emilio Bonifacio – I wouldn’t own him outside of NL-Only leagues, but he does have the Pick 3 of eligibility.

Mark DeRosa – Slot him in at the corner infielder spot, grow bored and put him in your fifth outfielder spot.  Lose interest and drop him.  You know what I’m saying, you’ve been there before.

Casey McGehee – You know you’re more likely to take a chance on him at 2nd base or MI than 3rd base.  Yes, I know you better than you know yourself.

Mark Reynolds – You think you’ll be fine with him as your 1st baseman, but, by the end of 2010, you’re going to want him as your 3rd baseman.

Jhonny Peralta – He gained 3rd base eligibility this year to go along with shortstop…. yay!  He hit 11 homers in 582 at-bats.  Moving on…

Ian Stewart – I’m excited about Ian Stewart for 2010 fantasy baseball.  Looks like Mark Reynolds going into 2009.  Oh, and he’s eligible at 2nd base.

Juan Uribe – Won’t find him on a Grey Albright team out of a draft, but in single league, uh, leagues he has solid eligibility.

Michael Cuddyer – Corner infield and outfield eligibility is nice, but I’ll bet you $5 he’s the first guy you want to drop.

Adam Dunn – Probably will end up in your outfield, but the flexibility of putting Dunn in at corner is nice.  And that is the only time a sentence will ever contain flexibility and Dunn.

Nick Swisher – See Adam Dunn or 1/12th of an inch above.

Garrett Jones – Robot Jones is in the same boat as Casey McGehee.  The added eligibility makes the gamble easier to take.

Chase Headley – Maybe it’s the three whiskey sours talking, but I’m sorta excited about Headley at third base this year.

Asdrubal Cabrera – Shortstop eligibility is a nice added bonus, so we’ll excuse him for fielding his position in the shape of a swastika.

Ryan Garko was traded to the Aints for Scott Barnes, no relation to Priscilla.  Not sure why the Indians traded a cheap guy with 11 homers and a .285/.362/.464 line.  Maybe the Giants offered some trinkets to the Indians.  Besides his season line, Garko has been hot recently (.429 in his last seven games with two homers).  Pac Bell/AT&T/The Fridge That Sandoval Raids is not a hitter’s haven, but Garko should hit in the heart of the order and see every day playing time.  Definitely worth pursuing in NL-Only leagues and 12 team leagues, if you’re hurting at corner. The other name worth mentioning is Andy Marte, who was called up by the Indians yesterday.  In Triple-A this year, Marte has a .329/.366/.590 line with 17 homers in just under 300 ABs.  Not too long ago, Marte was a blue chip prospect in the minors.  But Marte’s middle name may as well be Prospect-Shmespect.  As in, show it in the majors, Prospect-Shmespect.  Marte may get that chance again, but outside of very deep mixed leagues (15+ teams) and AL-Only leagues, you need to take a wait and see approach.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Josh Hamilton – Dropped to 7th in the order. We may need to start calling him Josh 20081stHalfilton.  Where’s Brokeback Hamilton?

Daric Barton – Headed to the DL.  I’ve already talked too much about this schmohawk.

Bronson Arroyo – The Yankees denied interest in Arroyo.  Nice neg.

Jonny Gomes – 2 HRs yesterday vs. two righties. Will be harder for Dusty to bungle The Gomes Situation™ with Dickerson on the DL.  Gomes should get the majority of starts… Oh, who am I kidding, Dusty will still find a way.

Tommy Hunter – 7 IP, 1 ER.  He could’ve pitched a shutout and I’d be saying the same thing here.  Don’t go near him.  His minor league stats are yawnstipating.  He will leave you crying in the corner of your cubicle.

Billy Butler – 5-for-5, Voice from the future, “Next year Grey will be excited about him in the preseason.”

James Shields – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  He’s gonna need a freakin’ shield if I ever run into him on the street.  Can’t start him away, can’t start him at home… How does he have a 3.87 ERA on the year?  When did he ever pitch good?  I don’t remember that.  Yesterday, I said to Rudy over IM, “Shields is getting rocked again. What else is knew (sic)?”  Rudy, “He usually waits until the 6th or 7th inning.”

Pat Burrell – HR yesterday.  Hasn’t gotten hot like I would’ve thought, but there’s still time.

Nick Swisher – 2 HRs.  He dedicated both homers to his fallen comrades (his sideburns).

Robinson Cano – I never watch the Yankees because everyone knows about them and ESPN does a fine job of covering every one of their moves/non-moves/possible moves, but I watched them yesterday (cause of freakin’ Shields).  Anyway, Cano tried to steal 2nd.  He was out by five steps.  I have a new contest for next year’s All-Star game festivities, Guys Who Look Fast But Are Remarkably Slow Race Against Guys Who Look Slow But Are Fast.  First heat, Cano vs. Pablo Sandoval.  Like you wouldn’t watch this.

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 2 ER.  Of course he got no run support.  Unlucky like a Wolf.

Josh Beckett – 7 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks and his 12th win.  My AL Cy Young prediction doesn’t look too bad so far.  Will depend on how much imagination capturing Greinke’s still doing.

Adam LaRoche – 2-for-4, with two half-homers.  Has now started three days in a row.  Meanwhile, Lowell trimmed his goatee.

Everth Cabrera – HR yesterday, while Kyle Blanks stole a base.  That was nice of Homer Bailey to let Everth hit from second and give Blanks a 59 foot lead off first.

Homer Bailey – 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  He’s trying to sucker you in.  Don’t fall for it.

Ryan Zimmerman – HR yesterday.  Might be finally getting hot again.  Took about 2 months.  Maybe it was my snide comparison of him to Kouzmanoff yesterday (who also homered).

Josh Willingham – Two grand slams yesterday and 4 homers in the last 7 games. When they’re hot, and this even goes for Nationals players, they’re worth owning everywhere.  BTW, with 8 RBIs yesterday, guess how many RBIs Willingham has on the season?  39.  He recorded a fourth of his RBI total in one game… In almost August.  That’s incredible, and not the good kind of incredible.

Garrett Atkins – Started at first, and since Helton usually bats third, Atkins batted third.  Jim Tracy must be a disciple of Leyland.

Corey Hart – He gets sizzling.  Why do I tell you this?  Because he has two homers in the past two games.

Jeff Francoeur – 3 homers and batting .429 in the last seven games.  I fully expect him to fall on his face again, but maybe Frenchy’s not toast.

Alfonso Soriano – Grand slam yesterday.  He also gets scalding hot for extended periods of time.  Or see Hart, Corey, or two above.

Carlos Lee – And another guy who’s finally picking up the pace with 3 homers in his last 7 games.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  He deserved more offense.  He also deserves the award for Even His Owners Can’t Believe He Has a 2.65 ERA.

Kendry Morales – 2 HRs yesterday.  As someone in the comments pointed out the other day, April Grey had Kendry as a sleeper, July Grey had Kendry as a Sell.  April Grey says to July Grey, “You’re a moron.”

Brian Fuentes – 4 earned and no outs recorded.  Ow…  Wait, what?  Ouch…

Gordon Beckham – Now has two homers in the past two games.  C’mon, Ozzie, move him up in the order!

Garrett Jones – When I saw he had one RBI, I thought for sure he hit a homer and Yahoo just hadn’t scored it.  Alas…

Tim Lincecum – 9 IP, 0 ER, 15 Ks.  He would’ve had 18 Ks, but Adam LaRoche was in Boston.

Adam Lind – The Jays scored 11 runs, Lind went 0-for-4 — Ticker Tease!

Nolan Reimold – 2-for-3 as he stole his sixth base yesterday.  I get it, Michael Bourn is Fred Savage and he’s Judge Reimold.