Ryan Franklin

Grey

Injury Trek Starring Jean-Erik Bedard

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 102 Comments

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Erik Bedard is headed to the DL.  The Bedarded they come, the Bedarded they fall.  So, he has a sprained knee.  “Ow, I think I hurt myself getting onto the examination table to have you check my shoulder.”  That’s Bedard at the doctor’s office.  Right now, the Erich Bedardens are showing the Bennis Carpensheeters a thing or two about staying unhealthy.  Keep it sickly, Bedardens!  Will be interesting to see if the M’s fill Bedard’s rotation spot with Chris Tillman– Oh, wait.  At least the Mariners still have Adam Jones– Oh, that’s right.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dustin Ackley – Slam and legs with the lefty-on-lefty HR against Everyday Jonny Venters.  He’s hitting 5th now for the Mariners, which is like hitting 10th for the Yankees.  That said, any MI who can hit 10th for the Yankees, is pretty damn good.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

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The questions have started about Heath Bell getting traded.  I think there’s a good chance it happens.  Well, Hair Lip, there goes his value! Not so fast, random italicized voice.  I guess you have all the answers! Actually, I have questions.  What if he’s traded to the Cards or Angels?  What if Huston Street gets hurt and the Rockies grab Bell?  What if the Mariners gain a few games on the Rangers and become buyers?  What if your boss replaces you with a coyote that was raised by humans and can flip burgers better than you?  Do you see what I’m saying here?  Don’t sell Bell short because of trade rumors.  Lots of things can happen.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 211 Comments

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Let’s quote the Random Preseason Commenter, “You don’t have Matt Thornton in your top 20 closers?  Hey, Grey, how does it feel to suck at life?  Oh, and while you’re sucking, blow me.  Thank you.”  This isn’t to point out I knew Thornton would be terrible, but to say again how fickle closers are.  He wasn’t in the top 20 because he had very little experience as a closer, and to say he was a lock as an elite closer was absurd.  The whole point with closers is the same as William Goldman’s famous quote regarding Hollywood, “No one knows anything.”  Soria has a 5+ ERA, Mariano’s blown two saves, Brian Wilson has a 9+ ERA and Fernando Rodney… Well, you knew he would suck and he did.  In the preseason, I also said that Ryan Franklin would lose the job.  I didn’t think it would happen that fast, but there ya go.  I have more faith in Mitchell Boggs keeping the job and his accounting firm above water until October than I have in Ryan Madson, but he’s a closer too so he too should be owned.  It’s all about SAGNOF, ya’ll.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Eureka! Franklin Finally Gets No R-E-S-P-E-C-T

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 305 Comments

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Ryan Franklin was replaced yesterday, but it came so begrudgingly, La Russa wouldn’t even announce who would replace him.  GM Mozeliak held a knife to a squirrel’s neck to try and get La Russa to tell us who would be the closer and still nothing.  “There’s only two things in this world I hold dear — my Mom and my word and I’m mum on both.”  That was what I imagine La Russa said.  Mitchell Boggs, CPA seems most likely to see the first chances.  Behind him, Motte, then MLB’s poet laureate, Miguel Batista.  Keep in mind, Franklin isn’t out of the picture completely either.  La Russa is way too loyal to his guys.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Skip Schumaker – Headed to the DL with a hyperextended elbow.  Somewhere, Shawn Michaels’ elbow says, “Pfft.”

Ian Stewart – Sent to Triple-A.  Pretty sad move for me to hear.  Mini-Mini Donkey was a one-time favorite.  I was thinking how this is one of those moves that if you don’t play fantasy, you’re probably like whatevs.  Deep thoughts with Grey Albright, I suppose.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Hustle To Pick Up Minnesota Capps

| Fantasy Baseball Notes | 316 Comments

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Joe Nathan reclaimed his closer job this year but was missing something, consistently putting his team behind the 8-ball, so the Twins shifted to CAPPS.  On March 25th, I said this about the Matt Capps and Taipei Slinko shituation, “Here’s what I see happening.  Nathan gets torched and Capps saves a few games while Nathan works things out.  Then Nathan returns, gets torched again and, finally, the Twins send him to the Disgraceful List.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Right now, we’re at the point where Nathan’s off to work things out.  I don’t think this ends well for Nathan.  Someone in the Twins organization should’ve stepped forward and said, “Hey, Taipei, you’re a gamer in the non-nerd way, we appreciate that.  No one likes nerds — the candy or otherwise.  But, listen to me, you’re rushing yourself back.  Chillax!  Go get a Jamba Juice, enjoy some me time and let’s take it slow with your recovery.”  But, well, that didn’t happen.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Brian Duensing – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He’s a Duensing machine!  Would I pick him up in certain deep leagues?  Yes, but I don’t trust him.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey / Rudy

Manny’s Career Ends Fittingly With Ridiculous Offense, No Defense

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 164 Comments

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Manny Ramirez was involved in a trade.  The drug trade!  Many people move to Florida to retire.  Manny just decided to do them in a slightly different order.  Manny said of the sudden retirement, “I’m at ease.  I’m now an officially retired baseball player.  I’ll be going away on a trip to Spain with my old man.”  First, he tests positive for estrogen, now he’s going to Spain with what sounds like a sugar daddy.  Manny’s a kept man!  The Rays suddenly have room for Desmond Jennings… Or Matt Joyce… Or Sam Fuld.  We grabbed Desmond Jennings in one league where we had room for a flyer.  Here’s some of what Grey said about Jennings in the preseason, “DJ is currently on the ones and twos for top ranked MLB prospects.  He’s never had an OBP lower than .360 at any stop in the minor leagues, so I don’t think the bottom is going to fall out on that in 2011.  If he’s getting on base, he’ll be stealing bases and scoring runs, whether he’s slotted leadoff or ninth.  Is he much more than SAGNOF?  Yes and no.  He can be more than SAGNOF for 2011, but, worst comes to worst (or wurst comes to wurst, if you’re German), he’s going to steal bases.  There’s the possibility of him getting 5-8 homers and he has the power for 12.  If he reaches the top end of his ceiling, you’re looking at Carl Crawford.  More likely, you’re going to open up this Crackerjack and get half a Carl Crawford.  Say a Carlford.  You ain’t got the Craw yet, kid!”  And that’s us quoting Grey!  In the short term, if the Rays go with Joyce, he has decent pop, but his average will be po’.  Or poor if you’re a completist.  Or poo, if you’re a middlist.  Sam Fuld, who sounds like a cartoon character, can steal 25 bases this year with little power.  Sounds okay, until you break that down to one steal a week and little else.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jered Weaver - 7 2/3 IP with 1 ER, 8 base runners, and 15 Ks.  That’s a Weaver family record!  Even more impressive is that he did this with Bobby Wilson as the catcher – if Jeff Mathis was the catcher, it would’ve been a no-hitter with 25 Ks.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Opening Day — Stats Entertainment!

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 127 Comments

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Hold on one second, I’m breathing in that New Season Smell.  Hmm, actually I just smell a small gas leak.  Here’s hoping I make it through this post!  Baseball:  you make me feel like the only girl in the world!  Sticks and stones may break my bones but Ks and WHIPs excite me!  Okay, I lost my shizz there for a second.  I’m as excited as you, see?  Of course you do, unless you’re having your old lady read this to you.  Still, don’t overrate one day of stats.  Jeff Mathis will not bat .500 with 162 homers, Matt Holliday will not knock in 324 runs while helping Tony La Russa save stray kittens and Alex Gordon, who went 0-for-5, will not hit .000… Well, actually that might happen.  We’re only one game in.  Please keep shizz in perspective.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Capps – Twins announced that Matt Capps will share in the save opportunities.  Or Capportunities.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 148 Comments

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Frank Francisco has a sore pectoral, Dotel has a sore hammy, I have a boo-boo on my finger.  Who’s going to close for the Jays?!  Rauch, and there’s no reason to scream.  Brian Wilson lost his Smile and may miss Opening Day.  Joe Nathan looks like he’s going to be the closer and also like he’ll be nothing like the Joe Nathan of old.  I’d handcapp him with Matt Cuffs… Uh, huh?  It makes me nauseous to write this but we got a hurt Putz.  He should be fine a week or two into the season, so, ya know, still draft him.  Fernando Rodney is going to be the closer and he’s going to be dreadful.  Andrew Bailey has a forearm strain and can never stay healthy.  Same could be said about Lidge, except his pain is in the biceps, or is it bicep?  Neftali wants to start, but I still think he closes.  Though I would love a decision on this.  Kevin Gregg sucks.  Storen may not even make the team the way he’s throwing.  And Franklin is firmly in the closing role which I don’t think lasts.  In other words, it’s the usual closer shizz.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?