Fantasy Baseball Advice

No one carries two catchers in one catcher leagues.  If you do, you probably suffer from mushy brain.  So in 12 team leagues, you have 10 to 15 catchers at any time to choose from.  Hey, Miguel Olivo’s dressed like Johnny Weir and he’s hitting!  What do you know, Rod Barajas looks less Barajas-y!  Skinny Pudge is seeing fat pitches! Most catchers are passed around like blow at a Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart clam bake.  That, there, is reason enough to punt catcher.  There’s always available options on waivers.

The top 3 options at catcher last year, who still have eligibility this year, are Mauer, Martinez and McCann.  (Wieters might have to flip his W over to keep with the theme.)  After those guys we have Suzuki, Posada, Montero, A.J. and Napoli.  Three waiver wire pick-ups (Suzuki, Montero and A.J.), one guy who went in the last rounds of drafts (Posada) and one guy who I had to beg with people all year to hold onto (Napoli).  It’s like this every year with catchers.  If you hopped out of a DeLorean to tell me Ramon Hernandez, Ryan Doumit, Chris Iannetta, Jeff Clement and Jesus Flores ended up in the top 10 catchers in 2010, I’d say, “I told you Iannetta was a good bargain,” and I’d ask if I used, “The Resurrection of Jesus Flores” as a post title.  Catchers are unpredictable and bunched together in value.  Open up those little oddly proportioned arms and embrace that fact.

Finally, the last reason why you should punt catcher.  Bengie Molina.  He’s available in every draft.  Always is.  No one drafts this Flying Molina Brother until around the 15th round.  His stats last year were 52/20/80/.265.  Victor Martinez’s stats were 88/23/108/.303/1; he gets drafted 23rd overall, according to Mock Draft Central.  The difference between the two was 36/3/28, some average and a steal.  Flying whoop.  With Adrian Gonzalez, who gets drafted right around V-Mart’s spot, vs. Jorge Cantu, a 1st baseman around Bengie’s spot, the difference is 24 homers.  A shortstop comparison would be Rollins vs. Yunel.  A pitcher comparison would be F-Her vs. Ryan Dempster.  At catcher, you can get away with not having a top one and it won’t hurt your team as much.  No pepper games allowed, but you can always punt catcher.

Four months ago, a torn tendon behind his right knee shut Jose Reyes down for the entire season.  That’s the good news.  In an attempt to return to a team that has been out of the playoff picture since July, Reyes tore his hamstring this week as he ran the bases.  His season is finally, completely, officially over.  Sure, it wouldn’t been nice to see him steal 65 bases and for the Mets to win 25 and a half games in the last three days of the season, but maybe trying to get him back for the last weekend of the season wasn’t the best idea.  Now his 2010 is going to be of the “Is he finally healthy?” variety rather than the “He’s finally healthy” variety.  Obviously more will be known as we get closer to next season.  I’m sure February Grey is preparing his status report as we speak.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ricky Nolasco – 7 IP, 0 ER, 16 Ks.  Probably should’ve been the lead today, but I felt like ranting on the Mets.  You’ll forgive me.  Take out your Benihana Buddhas and pray that next March your leaguemates look at Nolasco’s 5.06 ERA and pass on him.   Then flip a shrimp tail into your hat.

Brendan Donnelly – Got the save by picking off a runner.  Leo Nunez probably would’ve been fine if it wasn’t for some porous defense behind him.

Javier Vazquez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 Ks.  Extremely hard to argue with the season Vazquez had.  I mean, you can argue with it, but you’d be screaming at a bunch of stats on a piece of paper and that’s just silly.

Charlie Morton – 9 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks.  A four run lead is obviously more comfortable than an 11-1 lead that John Russell yanked Zach Duke from the other day.  When you figure it out, let me know because I’m baffled.

Ryan Doumit – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs, 3 Runs and a HR yesterday in the nightcap.  His nightcap had stripes and a little fuzzy ball on the end of it.

Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners.  Ricciardi can now trade Halladay for the Taj Mahal.

Bronson Arroyo – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.   On July 28th, he had a 5.17 ERA.  He now has a 3.84.  August and September, he had a combined 2.00 ERA.

Drew Stubbs – 2-for-4 with a steal yesterday.  He has 8 homers and 10 steals in 38 games.  Charades time!  I’m making a tree shape… Has fronds… Palm! Right!  Sideshow Bob! No, wait a second.  I’m making a diving motion near the palm tree… We’re in a desert…  Mirage! Yes!  That’s Drew Stubbs.  Stubbs is the Mirage casino where Siegfried and Roy used to perform? No.  Forget it.

Justin Masterson – 9 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks.  Wow, were there any poor pitching performances yesterday?  (This is what you get when teams don’t play their first-stringers.  This is also why H2H is kinda lacking.)

Carl Pavano – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  Ah, yes.  There’s a poor performance.  Mussina always said Pavano’s got no heart.

Troy Tulowitzki – 2-for-3 as he hit his 31st homer yesterday.  He has an outside chance at .300.  Incredible.

Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-5 with a homer.  He has 270 at-bats, 13 homers and 16 steals.  In 300 at-bats, Beltran has 10 homers and 11 steals.

Hiroki Kuroda – Scratched from Saturday’s start.  Kershaw will fill in for him.  Should be the Rockies B lineup, may not be a bad start to gamble on.

Corey Hart – Probably done for the year with two fractured fingers.  No word if he hurt himself by bumping into something while wearing his stupid sunglasses at night.

Casey McGehee – 2-for-5, HR yesterday.  He has 16 homers in 345 at-bats.  He’ll have 2nd base eligibility next year.  Cust kayin’.

B.J. Upton – Two steals yesterday.  No one’s going to argue that the .238 average is a travesty, but he has 10 homers and 41 steals in only 140 games.  I’m buying for next year.

Clayton Richard – 7 IP, 0 ER.  C’mon, you’re digging the HodgePadres just a bit, right?

Brad Penny – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks.  When I say NL, you say West.  NL… West… NL… West…  You got it.

Brandon Morrow – 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit.  Ah, well, here’s to him being a sleeper again next year I guess.

Adam Moore – Hit his first homer of his career.  He’s considered by many as the Mariners catcher of the future.  So that means he’ll diddle himself in the minors for three years, get called up, be given no real opportunity then get sent away in a deal with the Pirates for some futility infielder.

Jamie Moyer – Out for the season/playoffs with torn muscles in his groin and abdomen.  I told you to let the kids move the sofa!

Joba Chamberlain – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Talk about someone who fantasy owners will have no idea what to do with next year.

J.R. Towles – 2 HRs yesterday.  About 18 months too late for most.

Fausto Carmona – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  As I was skimming the boxscores to do this roundup, I saw F. Carmona and I was like, “You got that right ESPN!”

Eric Young, Jr. was in the September call up post, but it turns out he’s a preemie by a week.  Young has so many steals in the minors he’s worth a pickup in every league.  How many steals, you ask.  Well, I was getting there if you give me a second.  In the last four years of the minors, he has 87, 73, 46 and 58 steals, respectively.  Or disrespectfully, holy effin hey, are you kidding me?  In my never-ending rotation of schmohawks (thanks Beltran!), I dropped Alcides Escobar for Young in one league and chucked Drew Stubbs for him in another.  Will Young play every day?  Seems doubtful.  He has been playing in the outfield for at least a few days and will occasionally spell Barmes — B-A-R-M-E-S.  I think he’ll see four to five days a week, but for those needing steals, you know the drill.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Johan Santana – Done for the season.  This, and his lackluster (for him) season, might actually help Johan come at a discount in 2010 drafts.  I wouldn’t reach for him because I don’t believe in drafting pitchers early, but I could see him falling into the 5th or 6th rounds of early drafts.  The reason why I specify early is because once Johan looks good in spring training, he’ll bump up a round or two.  Then if Johan looks terrible in March, you’ll want to trade him for Nick Markakis.  Oh, and your fly’s open.  Don’t ask me how I know.

Billy Wagner – Headed to the Sox before The Curse of the Shirtless Bernazard got him.  He’ll back up Papelbon and, as a commenter pointed out yesterday, hopefully he turns out better than The Gagne Experiment™ in 2007.

Hank Blalock – Will be a bench player and will be asked to perform Cole Porter’s Anything Goes.  This is good news for Chris Davis.  Now for Davis to do something with this vote of confidence.

Freddy Sanchez – Headed to the DL.  Postdate this next comment 2011:  The Giants trade for Sanchez will cost them dearly.

Jake Peavy – Doode just can’t win.  On the next to last batter in his last minor league start, he was hit on the elbow by a comebacker.  Cue Kudrow, “I did not need to see that!”  Now because of elbow soreness, he might not be able to pitch this Saturday vs. the Yanks.

Joba Chamberlain – 4 IP, 7 ER.  He’s going again on regular rest this Sunday vs. the Orioles, so I can kinda understand holding him until then, but he’s really unstartable.  Then, on top of that, he’s been skipped here and there.  Okay, he’s not unstartable; he’s unownable.

Jorge Posada – Hit his 16th homer yesterday.  I’m calling a bogey on February Grey who said Posada was done.  He obviously was not done.  Being wrong at catcher is the position to be wrong at, but nevertheless still wrong.

Robinson Cano – Hit his 20th homer yesterday.  Not wrong here, because in the preseason I put him in the “Good value before we get to total Crapolanco” Tier.

Mat Latos – 7 IP, 2 baserunners, 0 ER in Atlanta.  I’m guessing a lot of people were sonavabenched on this one.

Jimmy Rollins – 2 HRs yesterday.  Coming up after the break, J. Rolled The Dorf.

Brad Lidge – No outs recorded, 3 earned.  Lidge has blown nine games this year, an 0-6 record and a 7.33 ERA.  If anyone happens to run into Lidge, give him my regards.  And, by regards, I mean the middle finger.  (BTW, On one team of mine, I had Lidge, Frank², Capps and Bell all give up runs and blow three saves.  Bad week to quit sniffing glue.)

Ryan Doumit – Obviously just needed the additional push of me putting him in Friday’s Sell.  He now has 2 homers in his last three games.

Travis Snider – Hit another homer yesterday and now two in three games.  I have an idea, stop Kemping him and move him up the order.

Carlos Pena – 2 HRs.  Six homers in the last week and a half.  On August 13th, I asked how many homers does Pena have left in his bat?  I gave the over/under of 13.  That means he has an over/under of 7 left.

Carlos Zambrano – 4 1/3 IP, 8 ER.  I admire Big Z for returning from the DL with a mustache, but this start did not make ’stached men proud.  No, sir.  Clay Zavada and I may need to have a word with him.

Josh Willingham – 4-for-4, 2 HRs, 5 Runs and 6 RBIs.  This is the total production of Jose Reyes’s 2009 season.

Zach Grienke – 8 IP, 2 ER, 15 Ks.  *speechless*

Adam Wainwright – 8 IP, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks.  His ERA is only .08 away from Greinke.  Cust kayin’.

Bronson Arroyo – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks.  Continued his post-All-Star break march of excellence.  He’ll fool someone next March who thinks he’s going to be good in April, May and June.

Felipe Lopez – 4-for-5 with his 8th homer.  He left the game in the ninth and is day-to-day.  It’s nice and all that he’s hitting .319, but 6 steals on the year is not buttering the biscuit.

Delmon Young – 4-for-5 yesterday.  Wait, Delmon Young actually had a good game yesterday?  Glory be!  Only 18 months after predicted.

Howie Kendrick – HR yesterday as he started only his third game in the last week.  In some ways, I kinda understand what Scioscia is doing with Kendrick’s playing time.  I mean, everyone on the Angels is slap-hitting .300 right now.  He could run out there Dick Schofield and he’d hit .300.

Laynce Nix/Jayson Nix – 3 HRs combined yesterday.  Their older brother, Jaymes Nix got drunk.

If you can’t find a high risk/high reward outfielder on your waivers right now, you’re just not trying very hard.  Sorta on topic, I feel like picking up the latest high risk/high reward hitter is like double dog daring your leaguemates.  You think picking up Snider is risky?  I just picked up Wladimir Balentien! Oh, yeah?  I’m grabbing Matt Diaz and Chase Headley!  *beads a sweat from random italicized voice*  Fine, I’ll grab Angel Pagan! As for Travis Snider, he’s still very young and raw like a nice piece of toro.  If you need pop, he’s worth a flier in all leagues to see if you can catch some lightning in a bottle, Thor.  Though he’s just as capable of striking out 30 times in the next month and batting .130 as he is of hitting 8 homers.  If your itchy for rookie nookie, go for it.  Just beware the rash.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy and sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Matt LaPorta – The MLP Package is on in Cleveland.  Now it’s up to LaPorta to make it watchable.

Drew Stubbs – Has great speed and BBQ.

Kyle Blanks – For power, you could do worse.  Fun fact about Kyle Blanks, every year for Halloween, he dresses as Michael Clarke Duncan and he wears no costume.

Julio Borbon – Great, terrific, wonderful.  All signs pointing to fantastic.  Could win Player of the Week.  Has a long way to go to being worthwhile for an extended period of time, but while he’s hot, grab him.

Carlos Gonzalez – We’re all gonna go blind if I keep flagellating Carlos Gonzalez.

Rajai Davis – SAGNOF!  I’m only mentioning him again, because he’s still only owned in 25% of ESPN leagues.  Even if 75% of ESPN leagues are abandoned… Wait, does that means he’s 100% owned?  Hmm… Color me confused.

Bronson Arroyo – He’s had one bad start since the All-Star Break.  That is all.

Billy Wagner – Lukewarm buy here.  If you really need saves, okay.  But he needs to not only get dealt, but he needs to end up on a team where he’ll be getting saves.

Mark Ellis – Picking up Mark Ellis and an orangutan couldn’t even get Jane Goodall’s nipples hard, but Ellis has been hot and he has 2nd base eligibility, so there.

Jeff Baker – I almost went with the title, The Fabulous Baker Boy and Jeff Baker as the lead.  Jeff Baker?  Boy, perhaps.  Fabulous?  Seems to be overselling him.  Wow, this is already shaping up to be a major sell on this buy.  So what can we expect of Jeff Baker?  He has great eligibility!  How’s that for a buy?  He has good pop that never fully materialized in Colorado.  So now it’s going to materialize? Yeah, I know what you’re saying.  He hit 20+ homers in his last full year of Triple-A.  He also has ten steal speed over an entire season.  Right now, he’s the Cubs starting 2nd baseman.  So if you need some pop from your MI slot, Baker’s worth a look.

SELL

Aubrey Huff – I didn’t like him at all in the preseason.  Then when he was terrible, I looked at his 2nd half splits.  Splits, indeed.  But like Biff Tannen, make like a banana.   I’m done ever liking him.

Brett Anderson/Trevor Cahill -  Way over their innings.  Beane needs to either shut them down or trade them for seven first round picks.

David Price – Another guy that’s pushing the limits of what a young pitcher should throw.  Murmurs say Sonnanstine will be taking over Price’s rotation spot in September.  Murmurs also say, the guy on Megan Wants a Millionaire is a murderer, but I really want to see the rest of the season.  C’mon, VH1!  This could be the best TV ever.  He goes to open a wine bottle and you try to imagine what he’s thinking about holding a corkscrew.

Ryan Doumit – I preach patience with catchers relying on the Ron Popeil, “Set It and Forget It” method.  I’m going to make an exception for Doumit because he’s been terrible.  Even the Pirates have noticed his egregiousness and moved him down the order.  When the Pirates are moving guys down the order, it’s time to abandon ship.

Hiroki Kuroda – Regarding his concussion, he said through a translator, “The first two days I had a hard time sleeping and I even had a dream about getting hit.”  The translator was Nicole Kidman.  Weird!

Travis Hafner – At this point, the only advantage to owning Hafner would be to use his head to crack open walnuts.

The Tigers added Aubrey Huff to complement Jim Leyland’s puff.  When the Detroit Free Press hit the streets to find out what Tigers fans thought of this trade, they were met by mixed reactions.  Some fans asked for change, others shot at them. Huff should be added to the 1st base/DH mix with Carlos Guillen heading out to left field.  Huff’s value could go up a bit, but he needs to hit for him to have any value.  Best case scenario, he gets 8 homers over the next month and hits .330. Remember, that’s best, not realistic.  Marcus Thames’s value is hurt the most with the trade, but Thames is an estuary so he knows the importance of trading.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Nate McLouth – Was nursing a hamstring injury, then he started Saturday and aggravated it.  So now he heads to the DL for two weeks.  Terrific.  I’m so glad I own this schmohawk.  Can’t ya tell?  Aren’t I oozing with McLove?  He’s been a total waste for about two months now, but at least he was leading off and getting some Runs.  Now the only runs he’ll be getting are from Mexican food.  I officially hate McLousy.

Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday as he tied Pujols for the major league lead in homers for a millisecond until Pujols took the lead back.  Do people dare to draft Reynolds before David Wright next year?  I wouldn’t, but I’m beginning to think some will.

Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 9 runs, but only 3 were earned.  Ticker shock!

Tommy Hanson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks.  I mentioned Hanson yesterday in the rookie pitchers who might get shutdown thingamaboob.

Vladimir Guerrero – 2 HRs yesterday with 5 RBIs.  A fifth of his homers in one game.  Guess that stops his owners from taking a fifth of anything.

Ervin Santana – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks.  As I said after his last start (I think it was last start, I write a lot of these), I like Ervin to a certain respect now.  He’s probably owned in your league because of his name, but if he’s not, he should be.

Nick Markakis – I am Sparkakis!

Joe Martinez – 5 IP, 1 ER.  Start everyone against the Mets!!!  Three exclamation marks for emphasis.

Justin Morneau – Left the game with dizziness.  No word on whether he’ll need a trip to the Dizzabled List.

Francisco Liriano – 2 IP, 7 ER.  Member that corner he turned last week?  Yeah, he turned the other corner and kicked your dog.

Tommy Hunter – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER.  Much closer to the kind of games I expect to see from Tommy Hunter.  Still wouldn’t own him.  Maybe next year.  Later, Tommy Hunter, if that’s your real name.

Rajai Davis – You can call him Ray.  You could call him Jai.  You could him RJ.  Just say natural.  Either way, he just stole another base.  SAGNOF!

Kevin Correia – 6 IP, 0 ER and a No Decision.  I love me my HodgePadres, but this might be why I’m struggling for Wins in every league.

Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. Padres.  Was a gimme first start back, but that’s all right, they still count.

Matt Holliday – Fouled a ball off his toe in the ninth inning.  Still ran hard to first on the next swing, but then left the game.  I’m gonna guess they’re going to call this day-to-day.  (BTW, isn’t it weird how week-to-week is worse than day-to-day, but minute-to-minute is worse too?)

Stephen Strasburg – Signed with the Nats for over $15 million.  I’d pay him in pennies.  No rolls either.  Make that Viennese putz roll them himself.  I don’t think we see Strasburg this year and if we do, he’s not going to give you much of anything in one year leagues.

Ryan Doumit – 0-for-5, batting .222 on the year.  I’m all for the Ron Popeil, “Set It and Forget It” method of dealing with catchers, but Doumit’s been awful.

Garrett Jones – 2-for-4 with a HR yesterday.  We all want something beautiful.  Man, I wish Garrett Jones was beautiful, but he’s still batting .226 vs lefties.

Lastings Milledge – 2-for-4, and a steal.  I think he stole second base off the Pirates reliever, Jesus Colome, simply to clarify what he meant in his Karaoke Revolution-aided, Cristal-fueled song, “Going To Second On Jesus Colome.”