Low voice, “Wow.” Digs ditch, steps down, “Wow.” Need more emphasis. Buys a mini-excavator, consults with architects about installing a down escalator, begins construction, gets behind on schedule, fires a guy that smokes more than he digs, hires a foreman that seems like he knows what he’s doing, foreman runs off with money, tracks foreman down in Aruba hanging out with Andruw Jones, punches foreman, watches Andruw Jones make diving catch of forearm’s body, heads back to the States to oversee completion of down escalator, breaks champagne on escalator, travels down a full story and, “WOW!” Do you see what I go though to emphasize something for you? After Mike Fiers struck out 14 Cubs in 6 innings, he can have anything he wants. Sleep with my Cougs, she’s all yours! He now has a 1.29 ERA, a 10.3 K/9 and 2.1 BB/9 after 21 IP, after blowing through the minor leagues with a 11.3 K/9. I grabbed him in one 12 team league and looked to pick him up in every league, but he wasn’t there. I forgot the most important lesson, you couldn’t get Michael Fiers if you were f***ing Michael Fiers! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t really remember the first time I played ‘lambs’. It’s hard to remember much after being chloroformed, to be honest, but let’s just say I’m glad the game didn’t go on for too long. It was really creepy hearing Grey pet Ted and call him ‘Precious’ while asking ‘Would you F@#$ me? I’d F@#$ me’. Mainly because you’re supposed to tuck and do that into a mirror while dancing and tucking your junk. He screwed the game up so badly, we had to start over. The human body can’t take this much chloro! But all this to say, I’m ready and willing to play again, only I want the bucket to be filled with Kyle Lohse this time. What, you wanted a more seamless segue? Sorry, we can’t all be Christian Bale taking an axe to Jared Leto whilst waxing poetic about Huey Lewis & The News, ok? Let’s just talk baseball since that’s what you’re here for. Heading into the game against Peralta last night, the Cubs were striking out 27.5% of the time over the last 7 games while rocking a .274 wOBA. These numbers go in the ‘no bueno’ section of your baseball stats. So unless the wind is blowing monstrously out, I’ll take Kyle for the miniscule $8K price tag with the hopes of him going at least 7 while K’ing 6 and coasting into a 20+ DraftKings point night.
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m not trying to double dip here but I can’t help a good Tyson Ross play. Speaking of double dipping, I would be remiss to not include this classic double dipping clip. Back on Tyson, I’m not going to appeal to the low hanging fruit and go all Hangover because that movie kinda sucked. Sky covered Mike Tyson’s Punchout here and I don’t want to be “that guy” so instead I will talk about how much I love Tyson Ross tomorrow and leave the video gaming to my Sky-Dog! OK, one thing I have to say is when I first saw my best friend beat Mike Tyson we jumped up and down screaming like school girls. Tyson Ross has been taking his Hodgepadre act on the road in the month of July. His last two road shows have resulted in a 6 innings 6 K’s with 2 ER in Colorado and a 7 inning 9 K’s with 1 ER against the Dodgers. He’s also pitched well on the road against the White Sox, Reds, and Phillies, which also happen to all be hitters parks. Today he gets the third worst K rate Cubs in their hitters park with no wind factor to hurt him. At $9,300, I like his value far more than Max Scherzer ($11,400) or Garrett Richards ($10,200) and will be pairing him with an equally awesome match-up below.
Here is my gratuitous promotion for those who haven’t got on the DraftKings tip. It’s fun, I won dollars yesterday and now own a streak of one. *high fives self* Our resident camp counselor Ralph Lifshitz has been organizing all the summer time activities for the kiddies and doing a hell of a job of it. As always, if you want to play, then please put your handle below and we’ll get you invited to one of our games. Before the year is out I want to see a 40 team, 10 dollar buy in winner take all game. Can you dig it? With out further ado, here are the plays.
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 Teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Something many of you don’t realize, but one of the first people to talk to a player that was just traded is his new team’s tailor. The Yankees tailor got on the phone with Chase Headley to find out what size jersey he wears, and Headley looked down, beaming to be out of Petco, and said, “Giuseppe, you might want to take out my inseam too.” I wonder if the flowers smelled a little better as Headley stepped into Yankee Stadium for the first time. Sure, in contrast to his hour long ride through the Bronx, getting lost in Hunts Point, anything would smell better, but it can’t be worse, can it? His career in away games prorated over a 162 game season is: 79/19/79/.286/14. Doode’s David Wright! Well, almost. Which is sad for Headley and Wright. More sad for Wright. What a guy does in only half a season can be anywhere from bupkis to I-want-to-bump-grind-and-kiss. Will Headley suddenly be mixed league worthy? Yeah, for at least a flyer, if nothing else. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So it’s not really the 2nd half mark in the fantasy baseball season, but it’s the All-Star Break so what else are we going to talk about? Hell’s Kitchen? Is it even believable that these people would one day be in charge of a kitchen? There’s Real World castmates who seem like they have their shizz together better than these schmohawks. I like the one guy who burps a lot. He seems ready to run a kitchen! MasterChef, though, that show is the Sistine Chapel of reality shows. Okay, as with all of the other 2014 fantasy baseball rankings, take this list with a grain of salt. If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade the outfielder for the 2nd baseman. Also, things change in fantasy baseball. Daily. I could put Miggy number three on the top 100 list for the second half of 2014 and he could get in a fight with a bartender (not Tom Wilhelmsen) tomorrow, then he wouldn’t be number one. See how that works. This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued. It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache. This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half of their season. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today. So while Carlos Santana did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because I still believe. The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2014. I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. That’s right, we have a Player Rater that tells you what guys will do. Welcome to the future! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2014:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tsuyoshi Wada hit the majors leagues yesterday, so let’s talk about the new Yu Darvish! Actually, that’s Masahiro Tanaka. Okay, let’s talk about the new Hiroki Kuroda! That’s Ryu. Uh, the new Cubs pitcher that I’m excited about? That’s Arrieta. The new pitcher that autocorrect tries to change his first name to tsuris? By the by, is my autocorrect anti-Semitic? Why does it suggest tsuris? Because I’m half-Heb? And why did autocorrect just change Jew to Heb. Siri, dial the Anti-Defamation League and apologize. “Dialing your mother now.” Siri, not cool! Any pitcher that does compare to Wada? Yes, the new Bruce Chen. So, Wada is a rookie in name only. He’s 33 years old, and the first rookie with salt and pepper hair to throw five shutout innings since Satchel Paige. He’s also a soft-tossing lefty. Yawn. He might catch some hitters off-balance, but he’s probably around a high-6 K/9 and a 4 ERA pitcher. Yesterday’s line of 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks is okay, but not much to flap your gums about outside of NL-Only leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, we had our first July 31st trading deadline deal, and it paid off for all the A’s fans who paid Oaktown’s own, Bubb Rubb, to break into Billy Beane’s office and turn his iCal forward a month. “Any ideas what you want to do for the 4th of July, Billy?” “I celebrated last month with some friends.” Screen spirals out and slam cuts to Bubb Rubb, maniacally (bubb)rubbing his hands together. When the A’s are playing like it’s playoff baseball in September, don’t say your mustachioed over-the-internet friend didn’t warn you. So, the trade that went down was Jeff Samardzija and Jason Hammel for David Addison Leave Me Alone Maddie Russell, who I will get to after this lede. Samardzija and Hammel both gain value going to the A’s, which isn’t often the case with an NL pitcher going to The Land of Milk and Honey-Flavored DHs. Wrigley isn’t a great place to pitch — one day it’s overcast with winds blowing straight out, another day winds are just swirling overhead like a toilet bowl genie. As we’ve seen in the past, pitchers can do just about anything in a short period of time. Could Hammel and Samardzija completely poop the sheets? Fo’sho. Likely? Prolly not. O.co is like Petco and Metco, a big cavernous wasteland for hitters and they have more foul territory than Roseanne Barr’s privates. Samardzija brings strikeout stuff to hitters that aren’t as familiar with him and could be the 2nd half’s Kazmir. Yesterday, in his first A’s start, he had a line of 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. Dividends paying out quick there. Hammel keeps the ball down and O.co will love him. This trade only really hurts Tommy Milone, who was shipped to the minors. The A’s just made themselves a serious contender and having a friend in Bubb Rubb pays off once again. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Happy July, Razzaholics. Summer is here so let’s plop ourselves down in the kiddie pool with a pitcher of Margaritas and a couple of hotties and make some cash at DraftKings tonight. Have you been partaking in the DraftKings fun? Why not, don’t like money?! Get out of here, hippie! Your friendly Razztenders even provide you with some of the best juice in the biz: Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-Tron and the tasty DFSbot.
Before we get to today’s plays, let’s talk some strategy. When I’m constructing a roster there are a lot of stats and stuff (that’s a technical fantasy baseball term they teach up at the Mathew Berry Fantasy College for the Criminally Insane) that I look at including home run percentage (HR%), strikeout percentage (K%), walk percentage (BB%), lefty/righty splits, line drive, groundball, fly ball percentage, on-base plus slugging (OPS), weighted-on-base average (wOBA) and batting average on balls in play (BABIP). I also check ballpark factors, the weather, injury reports, Vegas lines and, of course, the lineups. That may seem like a lot to research, but when you got Benjamins on the line you want every advantage you can get. Lastly, I look at batter vs. pitcher matchups. There is much debate in our fake ballin’ world on the validity of using BvP. Some experts use it, others say it’s complete rubbish. I won’t drop any judgement on either, but I will say I check BvP. Daily. And it has won me cash and it has left me weeping in my brewski.
With all the said, let’s get to the plays of the day. We do have a split slate today with eight games this afternoon and seven tonight. I’ll offer up some players that have the best BvP numbers and you can decide if that’s how you want to roll.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Thank God Apollo Creed was played by Carl Weathers and not Khris Davis. The reason I say this is because when Balboa Switched to Southpaw in the last round of Rocky 2 Davis would have killed him! Khris Davis (OF, $4,100) is a cyborg sent to Earth to destroy lefty pitching. (A Cyborg huh? That’s a bit overly dramatic don’t you think?) No seriously he is!! Allow me to explain. This season Davis has a .452 wOBA against lefties with 6 homers, 16 Rbi’s, and a wRC+ of 191. Davis’ wRC+ against lefties is more than double what it is against righties. Lucky for Davis, The Brewers, and most esspically us Daily Fantasy Players he faces a lefty tomorrow….a bad one. Christian Friedrich is a lefty who in 17 career starts has an ERA of 6.15. He also has a HR/9 of 1.49 to go along with a tidy 3.28 BB/9, what I’m more or less saying is the Brewers stack is very much in play today. The only way this matchup could setup any better for the Brewers is if the game was played in Coors with metal bats filled with super balls. I think Carlos Gomez (OF, $4,500), Jonathan Lucroy (C, $4,600), and Aramis Ramirez (3B, $4,900) are all solid plays today. I’d suggest Ryan Braun (OF, $5.600) but his price tag is too high considering his numbers against lefties are the worst of all the Brew-Crew members named.
Now time for my shameless plug!
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Without Further Ado my Draftkings picks for June 26th 2014.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It was a good night for a rally, but a bad night for a closer. Summer is officially here which means we can no longer use the “he’ll heat up as soon the weather warms up” excuse for our struggling stars. And just as the air at Coors makes the balls fly higher, the increased temperature and humidity also causes those baseballs to travel even farther. This time of year the advantage tends to shift from the pitchers to the hitters. It’s science, Mr. White! Fact. Just go ask a scientist. He’ll tell you summer is coming, Jon Snuh, no need to look so depressed all of the time. Perhaps this explains why last night, on Summer’s Eve, a number of closers collectively decided to destroy your ratios in an all out Closer Catastrophe. Let’s start with Zach Britton (0.2 IP, 3 hits, 4 ER, 1 BB, 1 K, BS (2)). I haven’t seen a Yankee beat a Britton like that since the Battle of Saratoga. Revolutionary war joke! (NERD!) With nine saves in the past month, it’s hard for Britton’s owners to complain here, so let’s move on. Old Reliable Glen Perkins (1.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 1 BB), was handed his third blown save but managed his third win, in expert vulture stylez. The crowning jewel of last night’s CloserTastrophe, Aroldis Chapman (0.2 IP, 2 hits, 2 BB, 4 ER) was handed the loss after a five run ninth inning capped off by a 3-run HR by Edwin Encarnacion. Say it ain’t so, Roldy! Is no one safe? With Craig Kimbrel (1.0 IP, 1 hit, 2 BB, 1 ER) notching his fourth blown save I should think not. Anthony Rendon hit a game-tying HR (11) off Craig, the first homer Kimbrel has surrendered all season. Are you getting scared yet? Was there a full moon last night or something? How about Greg Holland (1.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 BB, 2 ER) taking his second loss. This one was tied when he entered but stillz. By this time in the night when I saw Kenley Jansen (0.2 IP, 3 ER, 3 hits) enter the game with one run lead, I knew it could only end poorly. Escape while you can, Kenley! Fake a stomach cramp or something! He was handed his third blown save of the year. Sure, I’m ignoring all the closers who did manage to notch saves last night, but that’s not the point. It was a tough night to be a closer, but an even tougher night to own one in fantasy baseball. I feel your pain, all.
Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?