Fantasy Baseball Advice

Brandon Belt was recalled yesterday in the wake of Buster Posey’s broken fibula — no lie!  So far this year, Belt was hitting a cool (shouldn’t it be hot?) .351 with 4 homers and 3 steals in thirty games…If you ignore what he did in the major leagues.  Why did he fail in his first go around?  Was it bad luck?  P to the erhaps.  Was it just a small sample size?  That’s what she said!  Was it the pressure of the call up?  Well, filling in for Buster Posey shouldn’t be any pressure.  I think it was a combination of all of these things.  Bad luck triggers the hitter to press while hanging over them is the fear of a demotion.  It’s damaging to the psyche, I tell ya.  Don’t worry, I won’t bill you by the hour for this.  (I’m really just reading off my Freud day-to-day desk calendar anyway.)  In all leagues, grab Belt like Mr. Furley would.  His potential is too great to not take the flyer.  He can still get to double digit power and speed with a solid average.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Buster Posey – As I was writing this Whiskeytown’s Somebody Remembers The Rose came on my iTunes.  Ryan Adams may be a total douchebag, but he sure knows how to soundtrack my life.  Somebody remembers the Posey… What are the dangers of glove… When you hear this Posey news, you don’t have to be a 14-year-old girl to want to text someone sad emoticons and exaggerated punctuation.  Posey’s gone for a while.  In honor of Buster Posey, Ghirardelli chocolate will be releasing a candy bar in his name.  It is similar to a Kit Kat but already comes pre-broken.

Ryan Vogelsong – 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I’d say he’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he’s here now.  What, you need things told to you twice?  What, you need things told to you twice?  Vogelsong isn’t nearly the pitcher he’s showing right now, but you may as well ride the coaster until the guy in front of you gets sick.

Nolan Reimold – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs, 2 runs, 2 home runs and he even attempted a steal.  Giddy up, snitches!  Could be the 2nd coming of Jesus (my gardener who played semi-professional ball but couldn’t hit a curve).  Or he might be a hot schmotato.  Either way, I’d grab him in all leagues where you’re struggling to find a decent 5th outfielder.

Eric Hosmer – 0-for-6, hitting .257; 3 for his last 23.  Was what I was talking about when he was first called up and everyone was crazy for the rookie nookie and I told you to sell him.  Rooks and valleys, baby.  Rooks and valleys.

Justin Morneau – Was reported that he might need postseason surgery for a neck injury that is bothering him.  Fitting.  He’s been a pain in the neck for me all year.

Homer Bailey – I hope you’re sitting down.  Actually, stand up, then sit down again just to make sure you’re actually sitting down and not hovering in the crouching position.  Okay, ready?  Bailey’s hurt.  Shocking!  He’s going to have exams.  My advice to him is, when in doubt, answer C.

Jay Bruce – 2-for-4, and his 4th homer in the last five games.  Feels oddly quiet on the Bruce front considering this is the breakout everyone has been waiting years for.  Maybe people are scared if they talk about it it (stutterer!) will go away.  He can put up 30+ homers and 15 steals with great counting stats, i.e., a number one outfielder.

Chase Utley – Hit his first home run of the year.  According to the box score, at Citizens Flank there were 45,650 people or 104.6% of capacity.  That means about 2,000 people fell asleep in their seats during the previous 19-inning game.

Jose Contreras – Returned with a perfect inning.  In related news, the Phils clubhouse man restocked the shelves with Efferdent.

Grant Balfour – 1 IP, 3 ER.  His first appearance since being named the A’s closer and his first Kazaam.  Nice.  Freakin’ schmohawk.

Philip Humber – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Ugh.  I just wish all pitchers with terrible K-rates would pitch poorly.  Make my life much easier.  I can’t advise you pick up Humber outside of very deep leagues.

Russell Branyan – Angels signed him.  Of course, the Sciosciapath is going to platoon him with Trumbo. Branyan is such a prospblock.

Howie Kendrick – To the 15-day DL.  I say Halo, you say goodbye.

Carlos Pena – Hit a homer yesterday.  $5 says he hits three more by Monday.

R.A. Dickey – Mets are reporting an injury to Dickey.  Who let Lorena Bobbitt near the clubhouse?  Everyone but three readers just winced.

Frank Francisco – Blue Jays announced they would go to a three person closer committee with Frank², Rauch and Dotel.  Personally, I hate when people start sentences with personally and I think Dotel has the best stuff.

Anibal Sanchez – 9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  First clue I’m human, when I overheard an old woman tell someone she showers while sitting on a stool, I shivered.  Second clue, I dropped Anibal Sanchez after his 2nd start of the year.

Max Scherzer – 2 IP, 7 ER.  Our favorite German Jew was blitzkrieged by the Red Sox.  I took a lot of heat for telling people to start him yesterday.  Hindsight is obviously 20/20, but he had something like a 2.50 ERA and near a K per inning since last June.  That, guys and three girls, you start everywhere.  Sorry it didn’t work, I’ll wash your car for you.* (*Offer not valid anywhere in the Eastern, Western, Southern or Northern Hemispheres.)

Carl Crawford – 4-for-5, 2 runs and 3 RBIs.  I’m guessing the slumpbuster for Crawford was some townie MTV girl by the name of Charlene.

Drew Sutton – 5 for his last 10 and started in place of an ice cold Lowrie yesterday.  A few years ago, Sutton went 20/20 while in the Astros organization, then struggled for two years.  If he keeps hitting, I’d bench Lowrie too.

Josh Reddick – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 1st steal.  Has some power and light speed.  In Triple-A, he’s failed to get above .266 in any season.  If he were to play every day, which I wouldn’t even say is a guarantee because of Mike Cameron, he could hit 15-20 homers and steal 10 bases with a .250 average.  He’s a solid pick up for AL-Only leagues.  In mixed leagues, you can take the flyer for some lightning in a bottle.  BTW, is it me or does Josh Reddick sound like the star of a porn version of Big where the Zoltar machine makes your wish come true if you stick your schlong in the coin slot?  “Hey, why’s the genie looking the other way?”

Orlando Cabrera taxied into Cleveland yesterday.  Does Cleveland’s middle infield of Orlando and Asdrubal remind anyone else of an embarrassing moment at Epcot that I blamed on a 5-year-old?  Probably just me.  Hopefully not too many mixed leaguers are doing handstands over this news.  Orlando Cabrera is good for 7-10 homers and 7-10 steals and by “good” I mean bad and not bad as in good.  Too bad Cabrera’s first name doesn’t start with an S, then he can be S-Cab.  Anyway, here’s some other fantasy baseball news:

Scott Podsednik – Signed with the Blue Jays.  Don’t the Jays already have Podsednik but call him Rajai Davis?  Perplexing news to say the least, though saying the least wouldn’t have me saying anything.  Maybe the Jays signed Podsednik because his wife keeps morale up around the clubhouse.  Wokka, wokka, wokka.  Right now, Podsednik will work as a fourth outfielder and will probably see around 400 ABs.  I’m not too concerned about Davis, Snider or Juan Rivera’s playing times.  They all need a rest once in a while and Rivera can’t stay healthy.

Joe Nathan – Threw off the mound yesterday.  He’s sure trying to make me look bad for saying he won’t be ready for the start of the season, that Nathan’s a hot dog.  I’d still be tentative about drafting Nathan and would grab Capps real late as the handcuff.

Kendry Morales – Said that he might not be ready to go on Opening Day because of the rehabilitation for his limp-off homer.  Only thing less surprising than this would be if Morneau announces he has lingering concussion symptoms.  Since pulling a Kotchman started on the Angels, it’s only appropriate that Kendry carries on the tradition.  Seriously, Al Green mended a broken heart quicker than Morales and his stupid leg.  Put on a cast, grab a wire hanger for itching and be done with it.  I didn’t want to draft Morales before, as my top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball shows, this news doesn’t help matters.

Russell Branyan – Signed with the Diamondbacks.  I.e., Brandon Allen can’t get a break and this sure doesn’t help Juan Miranda’s value.  I’ll never understand why a team going nowhere would sign a go-nowhere vet rather than give their youngsters a chance.  Guess that’s why they’re going nowhere.  As for Branyan, if you can platoon him in NL-Only leagues vs. righties, he could get you 20+ homers in 400 ABs.

Joel Hanrahan – Was announced Hanrahanananan would be the closer for the Black & Yellow, Black & Yellow, Black & Yellow over Evan Meek.  Hanrahanananan should be a solid donkeycorn by the time May rolls around.  You can continue to draft Meek, but you might look a little desperate.

So far in this month of September, Troy Tulowitzki has 11 homers and 27 RBIs.  This is Hungrybear9562 owning Tulo in a H2H league this month — It’s a DOUBLE HOME RUN!  All the way across the sky!  OH.  MY.  GOD.  A double home run.  Wait, is this a triple home run?  No, it’s a double home run.  It’s beautiful.  *cries*  The only thing ever holding Tulo back is health.  If Tulo can stay healthy for an entire year… Well, look at his 2009 stats — 32 homers, 20 steals and a .297 average.  Next year, he’ll only be 26-years-old and hitters tend not to peak until the age of 27.  Yum with a double shot of gimme.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-4, still got love for him and am still willing to go to PTA meetings for Eric Young Jr. Jr., but it’s worth noting that he now has three errors in the last two games.  Barmes may see more time in the 2nd half of games as a defensive replacement.

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks and his line looked even better before he left two men on for Beimel to let score.  He gets the Diamondbacks next and I’d start him there sans hesitation.  Or sansitation, for those that enjoy a good portmanteau.

Adrian Gonzalez – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and 2 homers.  Now hit ten more homers before the end of the season and we’ll be cool.

Chris Young – Will start on Saturday vs. the Cards in The Lou.  Would like this start better if it was in Petco.  Young had a 7.82 ERA in Away games last year and 5.27 in 2008.  Both years his home ERA was below 3.  Unless you’re desperate, I’d let him pitch from my bench.  Remember though, if he’s on your bench, don’t sit anyone short behind him.

Carlos Zambrano – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I’m not a huge fan of Big Z, but he hasn’t thrown a bad start since he returned to the rotation on August 9th.  Really should be owned in every league.

J.A. Happ – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He obviously wasn’t a sub-3 ERA pitcher.  His luck was bound to run out in the landmark case of Sooner vs. Later.

Brandon Lyon – Well, the closer role in Houston got murkier yesterday.  Lyon gave up a run and blew the save then Lindstrom came into the 10th and gave up two runs.  Houston, we have a shituation.

Rickie Weeks – 2-for-5 with his 27th homer.  Weeks has more RBI than Fielder and more homers than Braun.  If I’d known that going into the year, I’d have put my life savings on the Brewers not making the playoffs.

Brian Duensing – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He was in last week’s borderline starters and next week’s is coming this afternoon.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious!

Kyle Drabek – 6 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I would’ve loved to watch him, but my Direct TV cut out during the pregame (which is not pronounced like edamame).  So going on the box score, looks like Drabek wasn’t fooling anyone.  He’s young, doesn’t change how I feel about him for keepers or next year.  To gaze at my Kyle Drabek fantasy, go there.

Brad Bergesen – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Even a broken clock is right a few times a season.

Jered Weaver – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 baserunner, 7 Ks.  More incredibly, he actually got run support.  A’la Vicki Lawrence as Mama, “Well, I’ll be!”

Russell Branyan – 1-for-3 with his 25th homer.  All he does is hit home runs!  No, really, that’s all he does.

Homer Bailey – Left the game with dizziness after allowing 3 earned runs and 5 walks.  Hey, maybe Oliver Perez is dizzy.

Drew Stubbs – 2-for-3 with his 18th homer.  You may want to put away sharp objects when you read this next line.  According to ESPN’s Player Rater, Stubbs has been as valuable as Matt Kemp.

Jason Bay – Said he’s feeling great and free of any post-concussion symptoms, but he’s still not coming back this year.  Canadians — Bay and Morneau — had a bad year for concussions.  What’s it called when a Canadian misses extended time from work?  A maple leaf of absence.  *sad trombone*

Jenrry Mejia – Left yesterday’s game with a strain in his shoulder.  Likely shutdown for the year.  No word if the injury happened when he was trying to roll the R’s in his first name.

Wilson Betemit – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 2nd straight game with a homer.  Yes, you should pick him up.  Yes, now.

Mike Minor – 5 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Really was just a victim of an ill-timed grand slam to Maxwell, who is one sexy piece of chocolate… Wait, wrong Maxwell.  I’m still going to like Minor next year.  I know, up the down staircase, Sandy Dennis, but that’s how rookies do.

Phil Hughes – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I’ve been saying this for about a month now.  You can do better than Hughes off waivers.  Duensing, for instance.  He’s been better.

James Shields – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Yankees.  I was about to write how no one got sonavabenched because no one owns him but then I looked and saw he’s owned in 93% of leagues.  Are you people crazy?  He has a 1.41 WHIP and 4.86 ERA after this solid start.  Even after this start, I’d drop him.

Dan Johnson – 2-for-3 with 2 homers.  The Pride of Coon Rapids!  (BTW, there was discussion in Minnesota about changing the name of this city.  Some felt it was derogatory.  I think it’s too vague.  Change it to Coon Rabids.)

Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-5 as he continued his hot hitting.  Own players when they are hot.  That’s my mottofacio.

Gaby Sanchez – 2-for-4 with his 18th homer.  Not doing a whole lot, but now has two homers in the week, i.e., two more than Prince Fielder.

Brad Lidge – 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Kazaam, as he generated a save for Jose Contreras.  Manuel changes his underwear more than he changes closers and that’s not a whole lot.

Raul Ibanez – 3-for-5, 2 Runs and 2 RBIs.  Hitting well over his last ten games and worth riding while hot.

Gavin Floyd – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  After the game, he tweeted, “I pitched.  #sucky”

Chris Sale – 2/3 IP, 1 ER.  Of course down 6 runs Ozzie pitches the guy who he just said was his closer.  Of course he does!  Why wouldn’t he?  I will now don a potato sack and walk into traffic.

Jaime Garcia – Early yesterday, the Cards announced that Garcia would be shutdown for the year.  Later in the day, the Cards announced he would be skipped one turn and be reevaluated.  Much later in the day, I wrote this.  Today, you’re reading it.  Tomorrow is Friday.  Yay!

Ryan Franklin – Heading home to deal with some personal issues.  I know what it meant when a girl in high school would go home with ‘personal issues,’ so I’m guessing Franklin has cramps and/or is pregnant.

Brian Duensing continued his hellish streak with an 8 inning 1 ER, 7 K game.  While he was able to strikeout 7 of the peasant Royals, his K rate has been around 5 per 9 inning for the past three years in the minors and majors.  You know how many great pitchers get by with that type of K-rate?  None.  Though sometimes a pitcher can sell their soul for a year (see Scott Feldman 2009).  Doesn’t mean you can’t throw some caution to the wind.  When I was going over the borderline starter post that is coming later today, I noticed Duensing still isn’t owned anywhere.  He has a 2.02 ERA in 107 2/3 IP.  Seriously, you can look it up if you want… Though that might hurt the trust we’ve built over the summer.  We used to be so carefree, me and you.  Frolicking through dandelions, playing catch with that raccoon carcass.  What about those times we had? Duensing gets the White Sox and the Indians in his next two starts.  I would grab him but, and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but, he’s been lucky and he Ks no one, so know the risk.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Phil Hughes – Will have his next start skipped as the Yankees try to figure out the best way to limit Hughes’ innings while ensuring he gets no sorta rhythm going.  In redraft leagues, you’re looking at three more starts from a guy who has been getting bombed recently.  There’s gotta be better arms out there.

Ivan Nova – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Speaking of better arms out there, I’d go with Nova ova Hughes.

Jimmy Rollins – Left the game when he suffered a bout of Middle Infieluenza.  I’d say Rollins has really gone downhill fast, but to me going downhill fast kinda infers you’re picking up speed.  Rollins is going uphill slow, and it ain’t pretty.

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-5 with another steal.  How about you give me your password and I’ll pick him up for your team?

Troy Tulowitzki – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and 2 homers.  Tulo legit 2 quit.

Aaron Cook – Done for the season with a broken fibula.  No lie.

Cory Luebke – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks.  In the grand scheme of things, Luebke looks like a fifth fantasy starter.  In the last few weeks of the season, he looks like LeBlanc when pitching at home, which is an around-3 ERA, decent K starter.  A hodgepadre.

Mike Napoli – Hit his 23rd homer then was pulled from the game for making Scioscia look bad for not playing him every game.

Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Now has a 1.91 ERA on the Diamondbacks.  Yes, you should’ve picked him up a month ago.  No, I’m not sure what you’re doing.

Marco Scutaro – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs and 2 homers, which he hit with a partially torn rotator cuff.  Impressive since I wouldn’t leave my house with a partially torn Z. Cavaricci pants cuff.

Matt Garza – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  Him and his stupid smugshot!  Don’t fart in my face and say it’s cologne!

Russell Branyan – Hit his 4th homer in the last week.  In September, he has 4 homers and 8 hits.  In August, he had 7 homers, 17 hits and 12 RBIs.  He’s a One True Outcome player, so I wouldn’t expect much more than homers, but he is providing those.

Coco Crisp – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and the slam & legs, which always goes well with cereal.

Jaime Garcia – 4 IP, 7 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  The time to have a start like this was the week prior to the H2H playoffs, you stunod!

Brett Myers – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks.  His ERA this year is… Wait for it… Here it comes… As soon as I put away my laundry… Okay, where were we?  Oh, yeah, Myers’ ERA… Okay, let me just check on my turkey casserole then I’ll tell you.  Mmm… Looks good.  All right, ready?  His ERA is freakin’ 2.91!

Matt Wieters – Hit his 11th homer yesterday and is batting .438 over the last week.  Since people in fantasy are so fickle, Wieters should be undervalued next year because of his sub-par 2010, which means I might just own him.

Koji Uehara – 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Was only his first blown save so I think he’ll remain the closer, then again I didn’t think he should be the closer to begin with, so take what I know, wrap it in a Moo Shu Pancake and you’ll be confused again in an hour.

Josh Johnson – Had an MRI to see what’s his major malfunction.  They found right shoulder inflammation.  His next start was already scratched and now it’s sounding like they might shut him down for the year.  Moving from Johnson to Dickey…

R.A. Dickey – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K and his tenth win.  He was in last week’s borderline starters post and will be in next week’s too because people refuse to add him.

Cole Hamels – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  In 188 IP, he has 188 Ks, a 1.16 WHIP, 3.06 ERA and only 10 wins, or one more win than Tyler Clippard.  Yeah, screw you, God of Wins and the horse of Quality Starts you rode in on.

Josh Fields – 4 for his last 8 as he hit third yesterday.  I like him, but right now it looks like he’s 0nly starting vs. lefties.

Wilson Ramos – 2-for-3 with his 1st major league homer.  Don’t think he has enough value in redraft leagues outside of a deep, two catcher league, but, if you can stash him in a dynasty league for a buck for next year, I wouldn’t be surprised if he sees more time than Pudge next year.  It’s at least worth the flier to see how playing time shakes out next March.

Derek Holland – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Blue Kays.  If you know your matchups, you’ll know what hand Holland throws with.  Hint:  The Kays are hitting .218 vs. lefties this year.

Ian Kinsler – 2-for-5 with the slam & legs.  He has 8 homers and 11 steals on the year.  Somewhere, Crapolanco says, “Hey, that’s my season!”  I’ll like Kinsler next year when he’s drafted in the 6th round or so.

Justin Morneau – Could be out until the very end of the month with his concussion.  Incredible.  How do people miss so much time with a concussion?  Don’t they have smelling salts in Minnesota?  Did something go terribly wrong when they were cloning his mini me?  You know, on The Island of Dr. Morneau.

Hanley Ramirez – Didn’t start yesterday due to back soreness.  I wouldn’t say Hanley’s the ideal guy to demonstrate work ethic but so many players get lazy in September.  Was talking with Rudy about how we need a glossary term for all of these players who are fine all year then give you nothing in September.  I present to you… Septumblers.

Logan Morrison – 1-for-3 with 2 walks.  His OBP is up to .431.  And he played yesterday with a black eye.  Too bad he doesn’t play for the Red Sox because Logan was a black eye for that city.

The first time Manny Ramirez went on waivers was before the 2004 season when the Sawx dared any team to accept his $20MM/year contract.  No one did and he helped the Sawx win the World Series.  Now it’s the Dodgers’ turn.  Say goodbye to Mannywood?  Could be.  If no one dares take him, the McCourts will be fighting over custody of him during the divorce proceedings (You take him…No, you take him…No, you take him to Central Park and let him play on the jungle gym then, when he falls, carry him 20 blocks to the nearest ER).  Hopefully for Manny’s sake, the Patron Saint of Bad Contracts (Kenny Williams of the ChiSox) claims him.  If Manny goes to a new team, it could invigorate him like a healthy dose of estrogen.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Octavio Dotel – In the closerousel in L.A., Dotel recorded the save.  Broxton worked a perfect 8th, then Torre threw three relievers in the ninth with none of them being Kuo.  Of course not, why would Kuo be used?  He was only labeled the closer replacement while Broxton figures his shizz out.  Assuming no meltdowns, Broxton will be the closer again soon.

Russell Branyan – In his last ten games, he has 6 homers in only 6 hits.  It’s like he’s playing Intellivision.

Madison Bumgarner – 2 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  After the Giants beat up on the Reds lefty rookie pitcher (Wood), the Reds returned the favor on the Giants’ Bumgarner.  If there was any team you think would go easy on a lefty, it’s the Reds but they’ve now hit two solid lefties in a row.

Pablo Sandoval – 4-for-6 with a steal.  He’s also 10 for his last 17.  He’s much cuter when he’s hitting.

Juan Uribe – 3-for-6 with a homer in his 2nd straight game.  Uribe gets crazy hot at times; this could be one of those times.  Act like you know, MC Lyte.

Homer Bailey – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Wasn’t a great few days to be a pitcher in AT&T.  I’d continue to hold Bailey for now.

Joey Votto – 4-for-7 with 2 homers.  You know those mannequins that you put in your passenger seat so you can illegally ride in the carpool lane?  I have one of those outfitted in a Votto jersey.  Last week, we went to see Eat Pray Love at a drive-in, but we didn’t watch much of the movie.

Brandon League – Recorded the save in yesterday’s game even though Aardsma hadn’t been used in a few games.  Something could be going on with Aardsma; I grabbed League in a few, uh, leagues.

Kila Ka’aihue – Two games, two homers.  It’s on like Steve Wiebe from The King of Kong hitting a bong with some Vietcong.

Stephen Drew – 4-for-4 with 2 homers.  From a guy who hasn’t had an extended hot streak for almost two years, this game was long overdue.

Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Nationals aren’t quite the pushover they have been in the past (partially because Nyjer Morgan will throw a ball at your head if you talk smack).  This was just a solid start from a guy who has become a very reliable fourth fantasy starter.  He’s like Ted Lilly-lite.

Adam Dunn – Made a cameo in last night’s Top Chef.  He ate all the cheftestants’ dishes and then sucked up the Potomac River to quench his thirst.  BTW, gray tuna?  What, was it wearing an away uniform?

Aramis Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer.  Soriano hit his 21st homer in this game.  Are there two guys that got older overnight than these two?  Oh, wait, here’s one…

Todd Helton – 3-for-5, hitting around .350 in the last week.  SPOILER ALERT!  I already wrote my lukewarm recommendation for Helton in Friday’s Buy/Sell.

Huston Street – Was seen warming up (by me) in the bullpen, but Tracy stayed with Belisle since Street had worked a few days in a row.

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-5 with his 10th steal.  *Grey drools*

Dexter Fowler – 1-for-3 with a Paul O’Neill homer (triple + error).

Omar Infante – 1-for-5 with his 7th homer, third in the majors in hitting since the All-Star Break.  BTW, the Rockies and Giants both came back from 9 run deficits on the same day.  Somewhere Tim Kurkijan is making dolphin noises.

Logan Morrison – 3-for-5, has hit in nine of his last ten games (still with no power).  In 101 ABs, he has 14 BBs and only 19 Ks with a .391 OBP.  At 23 years old!  Yeah, I’ll be targeting him next year.

Cameron Maybin – 2-for-5 as he hit leadoff.  Every time I try to get out, Maybin sucks me back in.

Alex Sanabia – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K.  Could roofie you at any time, but he looks to be emerging as a decent spot starter.

J.A. Happ – Revenge is a dish best served over 6 1/3 innings while giving up only 2 earned runs.

Michael Bourn – Hit a home run.  I didn’t see it, but I’m assuming they let him hit from 2nd base.

Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-4, hitting .245, Victorino hitting .254, Utley’s at .271.  Right now, the Phillies look pretty listless.

Marcus Thames – Two homers, two games.  Since Berkman’s out with old age, Thames has seen pretty frequent starts.   He’s also hitting over .300 over the last week and you know he has power.

Mike Napoli – 2-for-4, 6 RBIs with his 21st homer.  I switched to a new blood pressure medicine, so I don’t want to even discuss how Napoli will probably be benched in the Angels’ next game.  Sciosciapath!

Howie Kendrick – 5-for-6 with a RBI and 2 Runs.  Since most of his fantasy value comes from his average, it’s good to see him finally get it up to .285.  I’d put Kendrick on a short list of the most overrated players in fantasy.  He’s owned in 100% of ESPN leagues.  Ian Desmond, who really hasn’t been far away from him in value, is at 35%.  Well, whatever.  Can’t solve the world’s problems.

Dan Haren – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Comatose Angels Fan, “Hey, been in this coma since March and just woke up yesterday.  Awesome that we got Haren and we’re scoring 12 runs a game!  We must be in first by what?  10 games?”   Off my head shake.  “Damn, those stupid Mariners are in front of us, aren’t they?”  You should sit down, Comatose Angels Fan.

Jake Westbrook – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Looks like the novelty of the new league might be wearing off.

Aaron Hill – Hit his 19th homer, too bad he’s hitting .208 on the year.  How does one even hit .208 over 414 at-bats?  That’s 42 points off Adam Dunn’s career average.

Trevor Cahill – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  It’s appropriate his last name starts with a hard C, not a K.

Jeff Niemann – 3 1/3 IP, 10 ER.  Hopefully you forgot to activate him.  Personally, I’d forget to own him.

Jason Jaso – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer.  Doesn’t have much power, but Jaso hits leadoff and has a .391 OBP.

Brian Matusz – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks.  It took to almost the point where he’s about to get shutdown, but he’s been dominant of late.  In his last 5 starts, he has an ERA of 2.32.  It’s hard to recommend him because of his team and division, but he really can be this good.

Koji Uehara – Great, now this schmohawk is the closer.  Earth to Buck Showalter, Mike Gonzalez has closer stuff!  Buck said he won’t name a closer so you can either lose all of them or hold one.  I’d hold Uehara simply because he’s recorded the last two saves.

Gordon Beckham – 1-for-2 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  Ozzie kills most of his value with the nine hole placement, but he has been hitting lately.

Dustin Pedroia – Francona arranged for Pedroia to talk to Michael Jordan because he suffered from a similar injury back in 1985.  I know how this story ends.  Jordan lures Pedroia to Vegas where his scrappiness and spunk are useless against the 15s and 16s he gets dealt at the blackjack table.  He gets out of town with only his stubble and a pair of Hanes he got from Jordan.

Josh Beckett – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Mariners.  According to Beckett, the Mariners offense is worth as much as an Alvin Davis rookie card.