According to Wikipedia, the Dozens is a game of spoken words between two contestants, common in African-American communities, where participants insult each other until one gives up. Yesterday, we got a fantasy baseball version. Felix Hernandez started in on Max Scherzer first, “Your name sounds like a character from a Michael Chabon novel!” Scherzer lobbed back, “You could throw a no-hitter and lose!” F-Her redoubled his efforts, “You need two sets of colored contacts!” Scherzer stepped back and threw, “You’re gonna be traded to the Orioles for Erik Bedard!” F-Her fired back, “Your first baseman is so fat his blood type is Ragu!” “Oh, yeah? Well, your center fielder is The Big FraGu!” F-Her threw 8 shutout innings with 12 Ks against one of the best offenses in the game; Scherzer gave up one run with 12 Ks against one of the worst. Both: Great. Winner: Last night, it was F-Her. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
There are always guys that you can grab for some extra speed if you need it, and this week we’ll look at a few more players who are not widely owned but who may be able to contribute some steals to your lineup. After batting .000 last week with my picks of Michael Saunders and Aaron Hicks, we’ll dig a little deeper in the waiver wire pile for some speed. Hicks can’t seem to hit the broad side of a barn, and Saunders, who was off to a great start, decided to play chicken with the right field wall and is now sidelined for about a month. Let’s take a look at this week’s speedsters and let’s hope for some better luck…Please, blog, may I have some more?
The fantasy gods can be a cruel mistress, and after dealing a crushing blow Thursday night in a frustrating (ie stupid) brawl-induced injury, taking Zack Greinke from us, the gods have claimed their next victim, another newly acquired player and top fantasy shortstop, Jose Reyes.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ah Flexibility. It’s like when you were a kid, (or still are a kid) and you have to do that v-sit reach test. You stretch and stretch and in your mind you are awesome, but in reality there is some Romanian chick in your class name Nadia who can eat spaghetti-o’s one at a time with her naval and makes everyone look horrible. This, my friends, is all about the fake baseball flexibility, the laid back one where you pick Cheetos’s one by one out of your belly button, and that to me is grandiose. First lint and now artificially flavored cheese snacks — the world will never cease to amaze me, next thing you know we will put a man on the moon. So last week I gave a preemptive strike into the flexibility thing covering RP that will or may be starting come regular season and are only eligible at RP. Now I am covering some guys that will have both RP and SP, it’s like a fluffer and porn star all rolled into one. So with out the frills and more annoying hullabaloo here are some cats that have dual eligibility. Keep in mind that everyone plays with different settings, so I am only giving guys with 5 starts/5 relief appearances or more to be considered.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This post is about 3000 words due to wanting to cover everyone. Stupid, OCD! OCD Voice, “Don’t forget to touch your elbow 75 times before ranking these guys, it’s good luck!” Due to its length, I’ll get right to the good stuff. All the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are there. All 2013 Fantasy Baseball Position Eligibility is there. All 2013 fantasy baseball sleepers are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball rookies are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball dollar values are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball hitter projections are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball pitcher projections are there. And everything tangentially related to nonsense is there. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Washington Nationals pitching rotation includes names such as Stephen Strasburg, Gio Gonzalez, Jordan Zimmermann, and Dan Haren. So who are we going to talk about today? Survey says: Ross Detwiler!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Moustakas left yesterday’s game with a groin injury that could end his season, which would also end his sophomore slump (the “o” is silent in sophomore, like when you make love to your woman — oofa!) The 2nd season like the 2nd Greek letter is beta.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Pablo Sandoval hit two homers, and his third in two days to bring his season total to 11. The other day when Alberto Callaspo hit his 10th homer, I went into our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater to see who had been more valuable this year, Alberto Callaspo or Pablo Sandoval.Please, blog, may I have some more?
He likes school to start so he can skip class. He doesn’t befriend the incoming freshmen, but he does tell his friends, “Yo, man, let up on him,” then helps the freshman nerd down from the back of the locker hook.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Reds announced that Joey Votto is able to return. Crickets, pin dropping, echo…echo…echo… “God? It’s me, Dusty Baker. If I need him, is Votto ready to pitch?” ”I’m afraid not, Dusty. He’s not a pitcher.” ”In the traditional sense?” ”In every sense.” ”How about as a reliever?” ”No, Dusty.” ”As a LOOGY?” ”Fine, Dusty.” ”Thanks!Please, blog, may I have some more?