Fantasy Baseball Advice

Zack Cozart is a pickup in all leagues where you need a middle infidel.  Go, I’ll wait here.  *scratches chin, yawns, covers mustache with two fingers to see what I look like without it, shakes head*  Welcome back!  Cozart hit 17 homers and stole 30 bases last year.  You know who that reminds me of?  No, not you in high school.  Let it go, man.  It reminds me of Danny Espinosa.  Danny has a bit more power and a bit less speed, but tomato-tomato with a different emphasis.  Cozart also comes with the same potential to be an average drain.  Also, Espinosa and Cozart sounds like a promising TNT drama starring Freddy Prinze Jr. and Stifler.  In real baseball (which is played with more crotch scratching, but less crotch grabbing), Cozart’s just okay.  A potential 15/20 guy (over the course of a whole season) at shortstop in fantasy baseball is a yes, please and thank you.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edinson Volquez – Optioned to Triple-A in hopes that Edinson can rediscover his electric stuff.  I have an idea for his rehab:  don’t let him pitch the first inning.

Dontrelle Willis – Will take Edinson’s spot on Sunday.  For those thinking about picking him up, I have a question for you — What’chu talkin’ about… Willis?!

Jason Heyward – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and a long overdue slam & legs.  As I was doing my top 100 for the 2nd half that will be posted next Tuesday, I was contemplating where to put Heyward because I thought he might still be injured.  This game was either a nice sign or Heyward messing with me.  Probably the former, if former means the first one.

Kyle Seager – The guy who sounds like an 80′s sitcom character is going to play the majority of 3rd base for the Mariners.  In related news, Chone Figgins will be out of baseball in less than two years.  Anyone want any action?  So Seager is a high average, just meh power and speed guy.  Kinda like a poor man’s Prado, or I guess that’s a Prado knockoff.  I’m not a huge fan of Prado so you can imagine how I feel about Seager.  It’s just a’ight in AL-Only leagues.

Jason Kendall – It looks like shoulder surgery will force him into retirement.  Much like Pudge, Kendall has moved long ago from an elite fantasy catcher.  But here are some crazy stats for you courtesy of Rudy:  Kendall is 3rd all-time amongst Catchers (80+% of games at catcher) in Hits and Times On Base (behind Pudge and Fisk).  That’s ahead of Berra, Bench, Piazza, Dickey, and Carter.  And his .366 OBP beats all the aforementioned catchers except Piazza.  He’s also 5th all time amongst all hitters in HBP.  But his lack of power puts his Wins Above Replacement lower than those catchers and a few other non-HOF catchers like Munson, Freehan, and Darrell “Big Frames” Porter.  Whew, because a Jason Kendall for HOF advocacy would be as joyless as owning him the past 7 years.  (Note from Grey:  One last time:  Much like a Ken doll, Kendall has no bat.)

Charlie Blackmon – Could miss the rest of the season with a fractured bone in his foot.  What?  This is baseball!  Not football!  (Though if you’re into fantasy football, Chet’s holding a contest where he’s giving away $300.  I’m guessing you’ll get it in unmarked pennies.  Now go check it out.)

Juan Nicasio – 2 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Mr. Obvious, “Nicasio can’t be relied on in any leagues right now.”

Wade Davis – To the 15-day DL with a forearm strain.  Maybe it was trying to be a fivearm.  Hamilton-Burrishly, Alex Cobb and Sonnanstine will now duel over Davis’s open rotation spot.

Lonnie Chisenhall – Was plunked in the face.  Eric Plunk, “You owe me a nickel for using that verb.”  Um, okay.  So this sounds like terrible news.  I’m beginning to think every hitter should wear Great Gazoo helmets.  As soon as I hear more news on Lonnie, I’ll repurpose the information with a bit of humor and let you know.

Josh Reddick – Hit his 2nd homer yesterday.  I’d say he’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he’s not.  He’s here now, you need this shizz spoon-fed to you?

Andrew Miller – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 0 Ks.  He got lucky.  Now if you press your luck and start him again, you may get a whammy.

Mike Stanton – Now back-to-back games with a homer as he screamed in the baseball’s face a’la CT, “I will smoke you!”

Brad Hand – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  This comes after two starts where he didn’t get out of the fifth inning.  I’m not calling this start a liar, but I believe the last two starts more.  Also, Clay Hensley could take Hand’s spot in the rotation soon after the All-Star break.

Ben Zobrist – 8 for his last 12 with a home run yesterday.  BenZo looks to be rolling once again.

B.J. Upton – 2-for-4 with his 14th homer — not in this game, that would’ve been a record prior to the steroid era.  He also has 20 steals.  If he could just get his average up to .280, he’d be such a force.  I think I’m going all in on him next year when he’s 27.  Poppycock, you say. Okay, but what the eff is poppycock and why are you saying it?

Rich Harden – 5 IP, 5 ER.  Usually if he stays healthy, he’s dominant but this start was bleh.  Harden, “I can too stay healthy!  Ow!  I juth bit my lip when I said ‘eathy!”

Philip Humber – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Mmm-hmm.

Max Scherzer – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 2 Ks.  Sonavabench!  Hey, I know that impersonation — it’s Liriano, and I don’t like it.

Matt Garza – 2 IP, 6 ER as the Nats had an extravaGarza.  Watch your toes, everyone.  Garza continues to take steps backwards.  Garza’s xFIP was under 3.00 before this game.  Too bad I don’t freakin’ play in a league with xFIP.  I wish he’d just have an aggressive burp, throw out his back and go to the DL.

Frank Francisco – Recorded no outs and gave up 3 earned runs.  Looks like I don’t have to be embarrassed that I tattooed Rauch’s name on my fantasy baseball team’s neck.

Carlos Villanueva – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  After the break, the Blue Kays get the Yankees, Mariners, Rangers and Orioles respectively.  If Chuck Newtown gets the M’s and O’s, then nom nom.  If he gets the Yanks and Texas, then indigestion.

Cory Luebke - 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  I’m flummoxed why I have to beg people to pick up certain pitchers.  BTW, you can’t spell flummoxed without the lox, which Eli Whiteside provides.

Jered Weaver – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  ERA is now at 1.86, WHIP is 0.91.  What a dream, Weaver.  The highest compliment I can give a player is, “Hey, really nice mustache.”  But my 2nd highest compliment is I wish I owned them on every team.

Jose Reyes – To the DL with his bad hamstring.  Get Michael Jackson’s old hyperbaric chamber for Jose Reyes’s hamstring!  He’s supposed to be out for three weeks now.  I hate the Mets.  Why can’t they just say when a player is going to be out for an extended period of time?  Who’s their doctor?  Dr. Rosenrosen?  Mr. Met probably has gigantism and they’re pretending he’s a cute, baseball-headed mascot.

Roger Clemens – I hope I don’t have to put an asterisk on my 1997 fantasy baseball championship.

Ryan Perry got the save yesterday because Jose Valverde is out with a tender elbow.  Valverde isn’t supposed to be out long but whenever a reliever’s elbow is in question — or any pitcher, for that matter — it’s cause for concern.  With the Tigers playing for nothing, they could shut Valverde down.  Phil Coke could see some situational saves.  When reached for comment about his new role, Phil Coke said, “This is it?”  By the way, he’s the best lefty reliever synonymous with Coke since Steve Howe.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Johnny Damon – 4-for-4, 2 Runs and an RBI.  Not a bad day to stream him into my lineup.  Hit the wall, turn on the lights, blow on my fist, rub fist on leather jacket and say, “Ayyyyyy.”  (Wasn’t as great a day to stream Casper Wells or Don Kelly, who’s also known as LL Donkey.)

Rick Porcello – 8 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 K.  It’s legitimately hard for me to give a non-hedged endorsement to Porcello.  I don’t like his lack of Ks, but at this stage in the year, all’s fair in love and the waiver wire.  Porcello’s pitching well and gets the Royals in his start after next.  His next start vs. the Rangers in Arlington is a pass.

Bobby Jenks – Is day-to-day with funny bone soreness.  That Bobby, always up to hijenks!   Either way, the funny bone injury doesn’t sound serious.

Matt Thornton – But if Jenks’ jenky ‘bow doesn’t straighten itself out, I’d grab Thornton, Putz or Sale, in that order.

Gavin Floyd – 6 IP, 5 ER, 14 baserunners, 3 Ks as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post.  Floyd would be a whole lot more attractive if he didn’t get absolutely drubbed once a month.  Cust kayin’.

Colby Lewis – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  After a month or so where he treated your team like a public restroom, decent bounce back last night.  I wouldn’t say he’s completely righted the ship with one good start, but if you need Ks, Lewis is your man.

David Murphy – 1-for-3 with a steal.  He’s in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  SPOILER ALERT:  He’s a buy.

Travis Wood -5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  I feel like Wood’s teetering on a terrible start his next time out.  I don’t have much to support this.  Just a gut feeling.  Okay, you got me.  I’m now reading tea leaves.

Joey Votto – 0-for-4 the same day CarGo went 0-for-4.  I didn’t look this up, but I’m guessing this was the first time they were both held hitless on the same day this year.  Pretty crazy, huh?  (Assuming it’s true.)

Placido Polanco – Says he’s playing with a broken elbow.  Um… Ouch?  Could explain why his already weak power has been even weaker.  He has 1 homer in the last three months. (Oh, and one steal.)  Yeah, besides average, he’s not giving you anything, but that’s more or less his MO.

Jason Hammel – 7 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Coming into this game, he had a 3.43 ERA at home, and that means nothing now that he just soiled my team.

Jason Heyward – Sticking with the newly established Jason theme, Heyward left the game with a leg injury.  He’s day-to-day, hey, hey, hey.

Jair Jurrjens – 3 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  Meesa tinks Jar-Jar’s had better games.

Adam Wainwright – 8 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks with his 18th win.  So who wins the NL Cy Young?  Halladay, Wainwright, Ubaldo or a wild card?

Colby Rasmus – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs, 3 Runs, 2 homers.  Geiger!  Let’s go!

Bud Norris – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I’m going to be unrealistically excited about Norris next March and he’s going to let me down in April and crush my will to live.  I know this already.

Andre Ethier – Hit his 21st homer and knocked in his 74th RBI.  He’s also hitting .289 and has 2 steals.  Is there any outfielder that is more overrated?  Luke Scott, Bobby Abreu, Marlon Byrd and Drew Stubbs are just some of the names on ESPN’s Player Rater that have been as valuable as Ethier.

Shawn Hill – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Member when I loved this guy?  Was like two years ago.  We were younger then, you and I.  You look different; I think it’s your hair that’s now on your back.  Hill has some talent, but also needs the same health insurance provider as Nick Johnson.  The chance of Hill providing any value this year is slim to anorexic.

Jose Bautista – 2-for-3 as he hit his 44th homer yesterday, which is 45.43 in U.S. homers.

Roger Clemens – Reports came out that the Canadian police are helping in the Clemens’ probe.  Gives new meaning to Mounties.

The Fantasy Hurler breaks down what he thinks 2nd base is going to look like in ’08. Usually, the Hurler and I are pretty copasetic. This time, not such much. I like Cano. The Hurler makes some pretty valid points that are all wrong. He thinks Cano’s fleet-footed with little power and overrated because he plays in the Brawnx. Maybe they are valid? See his list here; stay for the other draft guides.

Brock For Broglio pointed out a very cool thing to me the other day. You can search Baseball-Reference using your search engine bar on your Firefox browser. Very cool.

Rotonomics broke down tiers for ’08 catchers. If you haven’t seen it, worth a look even if we disagree in places. They have Martin over Victor (Disagree). Either way, check it out and tell us how you think they did. Or tell them; don’t be shy.

Finally, Roger Clemens met his accuser today in front of Congress. (SPOILER ALERT!) Roger Clemens took steroids and is now lying about it.