I am back with another Pitcher Profile Razzball Nation!  I was out of town last week and unable to work on multiple screens slash was sipping daiquiris on vacation.  True story.  Ask Sky.  Then ask him what drink we came up with while my daiquiri was half melted and looked like a prop from Hostel.

As I try to do every week, I like picking a guy who pitched on Sunday to keep things topical.  I also like to do profiles on pitchers that have been requested.  And Zack Wheeler pitched on Sunday!  The stars have aligned to give everyone an introspective look and how he… well… looked.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

K:BB.  Mmmm can’t think of a sexier group of three letters.  Double D’s are nice but that’s only two letters.  JB is only two letters.  So if you have to go to three letters, I’ll take K:BB.

A guy I’ve liked for a while now, Corey Kluber came into yesterday’s matchup against the Nationals with a sparkling 57:12 K:BB ratio so far this season.  Don’t believe me that he’s been my man crush the past month?  Look at phone records to Sky or my friend Peter.  Just ask the NSA, they’ve got them saved somewhere…  Kluber has been around a while, pitching in the Minors since 2006 with consistent strikeout numbers, but other than that never has put it completely together. Now 27 years old, Kluber is suddenly owning MLB offenses.

As soon as I saw Kluber’s numbers last month before he was the talk of the town, I went and looked at his pitch selection.  He’s completely changed his arsenal from a slider as his main breaking offering into tossing a cutter as his second pitch.  Does that remind you of any other Cleveland Indian who had late(r) career success?  Reminds me of Cliff Lee!  Ok so I’m not saying Kluber is the next Cliff Lee, they’re very different pitchers, but it is interesting.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ryan Zimmerman went Yardo Montalban as he Tattooed the ball three times. Da plane, da plane…is flying right next to Zimmerman’s homers! My dear guests! I am Mr. Albright, your host. Welcome… to Fantasy Baseball! Smiles, everyone, smiles! No, seriously, smile, you paid a lot of money for those caps. Since it was a game between the O’s and Nationals, they shared announcers (since they share channels). So, the O’s announcers said everyone’s crazy for Machado, Jones, Zimmermann and Harper and not Ryan Zimmerman or Nick Markakis much anymore, after they were the stars of their respective clubs. Then the Nationals announcer says, “I can’t say I know much about Markakis myself.” Burn! I’d play that over the clubhouse speakers before every game. Not to motivate Markakis as much to mess with him. Oh, and Zimmerman! Right! Yeah, he had a huge game, and you might remember he goosed me in my nethers last year when I dropped him, because he hit 10 homers in July of 2012. Might be the start of another special run. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

They say baseball is a game of inches. When ‘they’ say that, ‘they’ are wearing a plaid jacket and flood pants. They also have adult acne. But if baseball really is a game of inches, the Tigers are packing heat in their lineup like John Holmes. So, for all other teams’ fans, I ask you gently, Tigers, please don’t have good pitching too. I mean, besides Verlander and Scherzer and Fister and Anibal, because that would just be unfair. Yesterday, it appeared they had that with Rick Porcello. He went eight innings with zero earned runs, four baserunners and 11 Ks. After his eleventh K, the sound system played, “Rick’s a Jolly Porcello.” That is the best game I can remember from Porcello, by far, and I use all of his game logs as toilet paper, so I’d remember. I mean, what else am I doing in the john? Answering comments? Well, maybe. Just keep that in mind when you’re asking me who I’d drop. Porcello’s xFIP looks solid and his walks have always been stellar. The one flaw in his game I didn’t like was his ability to K people. So far this year, his K-rate is up and way up after yesterday. If you’re struggling to find a starter, I could see adding Porcello, but there’s risk because he does tend to have huge blow ups. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Scott White from CBS hosted this NL-Only draft that started at 8 AM PST. For the second time in my life, I was glad I didn’t live in Hawaii. The first time was when I received a coconut piggy bank from every relative that ever went to visit Hawaii. They should have a March Madness tournament for number one wackiest export. In the first round, Hawaii vs. China with coconut piggy banks going against backscratchers. They can meet the winner of the match-up between Switzerland and Taiwan with cuckoo clocks taking on baby corn. “I can’t believe baby corns advanced to the 2nd round. I didn’t think cuckoo clocks could be beat.” That’s the guy in your office who bets on anything that’s organized in a tournament. I drafted the team almost completely on my own since it was so early and Rudy was nursing a huffing hangover. Rudy did scoop in and draft the bench because, well, I had to poop. Anyway, here’s our 2013 fantasy baseball NL-Only team:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You could argue Mike Minor threw a slightly better game yesterday and deserved the lede, but you’d be arguing with a computer screen and over what should be the lede on a fantasy baseball blog.  It’s about time I gave Gio Gonzalez (7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks) some love after emoting all over myself in the preseason about how much I wanted Gio on every team.   Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Rangers are thinking about calling up big-time prospect, Jurickson Profar.  When I saw that news my eyes did the John Lithgow’s eyes when he sees the gremlin on the wing of the plane in Twilight Zone, The Movie.  Then I started thinking, as I’m wont to do on occasion, Kinsler is on lock, Andrus isn’t going anywhere yet, Beltre and Olt can play 3rd, while Young can butcher all 4 positions and fly the “This guy is the heart of our team” flag.   Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?