Hey, I can bench Eric Hosmer! That was the first thing I thought when I picked up Matt Adams. First stop for Hosmer is my bench, next stop waivers. Yesterday, our prospect writer Scott said this about Adams, “Despite the impressive audition (in Spring Training), St.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Or is it Philly adds pap shmear to their J-Roll? What, icky? Sorry, friend. The Phils signed Jonathan Papelbon to a silly deal of sillier proportions. Maybe the Phils should move to the Santa Ynez Valley because their replacement of Madson is a sideways move.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Aaron Hill and John McDonald were traded to the Diamondbacks for Kelly Johnson. Regarding the title, each team got to 2nd base with the other. Nothing to brag about, nothing for the rest of us to get jealous over. I guess this is what happens when Alex Anthopoulos and Kevin Towers lock themselves in a closet for 7 minutes of trading heaven. “Can you throw in J.P.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kevin Youkilis, the Greek God of Back Pain, is off to the DL. Yesterday, Ortiz took a boot to the foot and today this. The Sawx are officially in rest up for the playoffs mode, which is great for all the pasty-faced Sawx fans, but it’s not great for fantasy. So far this year, Youuuuuuk has 17 homers in 395 at-bats while batting .266. So that means, if he were healthy in September, he’d give you some runs, RBIs and 3 homers. I just popped a zit into a mirror and the puss read, “Whatever.” You can find a replacement for Youk on waivers in most leagues. So put on your Burger King crown you stole from some kid, open up your fantasy waivers and replace him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ryan Lavarnway – Was called up. Stephen just went over his Lavarnway fantasy. He wrote it while throwing darts at a picture of me. Lavarnway is worth noting because he hit 30 homers between Double- and Triple-A this year. Now, rookie catcher is a tough position to be in. Ask any recently incarcerated felon. But Ortiz and Youk are both out, so Lavarnway will see everyday time at DH for the time being. This is great news since he’s catcher eligible.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I usually like to wait a couple of months into the season to look at some of the catchers that couldn’t throw out your grandma even if she loses the tennis balls off her walker. (What is the deal with those tennis balls? I feel like that’s the kinda nonsense thing that would have a Facebook Fan Page. Everyone who likes tennis balls on walkers! Yay! BTW, what did people do before Facebook? Oh, yeah, Myspace. BTW II, The Return of BTW, is there anything sadder than getting an email from Friendster. Hey, come check out the new Friendster! Sure, as soon as I get on the internet with this dial-up modem.) Or some of the catchers that are quite agile — hey, it’s Italian! I wait a few months because new catchers come into the league and I like to see a decent sample size — that’s what she said! Anyway, here’s some of the best and worst catchers for fantasy baseball:
Jonathan Lucroy – Has only thrown out 6 baserunners out of 33. And he doesn’t even get to try and throw out Prince Fielder. “Pretend 2nd base is a vegan muffin…Now run!”
John Jaso – 7 caught out of 35. And John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt doesn’t have to try and throw out Upton.Please, blog, may I have some more?
J.A. Happ went the distance yesterday, throwing a shutout with 3 baserunners and 4 Ks. Somewhere, Ed Wade’s Toupee smiled. Now Happ has almost a month of quality starts. So all’s good under the Happ hood, eh? Eh, indeed. Or more like crapp. Something’s not copacetic when a guy has 32 walks against 41 Ks. His xFIP says he’s a devil’s uncle. If a devil’s uncle means Happ has gone lucky. His team’s been better in the 2nd half, but they’re still the Astros. And all of those reasons are why I’m short of Happ-y on J.A. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dan Uggla – Strained right groin knocked him out of the lineup yesterday. His left groin said the right groin was always ‘acting pissy.’
Brett Cecil – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, but gave up 3 more unearned runs for the ticker shock.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We are making a double switch today. Rudy is taking the husband slot which will probably bench him for a few years; Grey is taking the best man slot that will put him in the reliever role and I’ll be taking the cleanup spot for today. If I’m wearing a titanium sombrero after this, just remember Cinco De Mayo is closing in and I’m probably drunk.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It feels like yesterday that the baseball regular season started. We frolicked, hand in hand, through the season. You stopped to pick a flower and I said, “That dandelion looks like a French impressionist painting that you can see up close.” Then we giggled and blew the parachute off its stalk. Today, the parachute lands and I’m sad. The regular season is done. As an action movie sidekick once said right before he was about to be killed, “NOOOO!!!” There’s a cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand fed Doritos.Please, blog, may I have some more?
J.J. Hardy wasn’t appreciated by the Brewers earlier this year — I made all the key outs! I don’t see Ryan Braun doing that! — Well, Hardy will return to the Brewers on Tuesday to pick up where he left off. Hope he remembers to bring his magic bats with him. This one here, this one is my runners in scoring position batting .198 bat.Please, blog, may I have some more?