The Mets went into their minor league system and pulled a giant rabbit out of their hat with Matt Harvey. *terrible Jimmy Stewart impression* Mr. Potter, I knew a Harvey once. Back in 1955, see, and Danny Kaye asked me to sneak this guy named Harvey out of his bedroom at 2 AM.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This weekend, my Cougar’s dog had diarrhea all over my foot. So, I wrote a list of Don’ts and taped it to his bed. 1. Do not poop my foot. 2. Do not ever poop my foot. Seriously. 3. There’s no three.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m sure you remember the scene from the seemingly forgotten classic City Slickers when Curly, played masterfully by the legendary Jack Palance, tells Billy Crystal’s character, Mitch, about that “one thing” I could have sworn when watching the other day, that he was referring to fantasy baseball, because as we well know, fantasy baseball IS LIFE!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve gone from love to hate to love to “Are we up to love or hate now?” to the DL for Brandon Morrow. I’ll be honest, some of my love came from getting excited about drafting him and some of my hate came from not owning him and him overperforming, according to his peripherals.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Felix Hernandez joined Philip Humber and Matt Cain in the Perfect Game club this year, shutting down the Rays in Seattle yesterday. If only it was against the Yankees and Ichiro (hitting 9th) was the last hitter and Ichiro bunted. Oh, the Internet drama!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Los Angeles is a town where the only thing better than a great idea is cashing in on the goodwill of that great idea via sequels. So it is no surprise that the Dodgers released a sequel to their 2009 hit, Malcontent Ramirez.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Four full days without fantasy baseball!? I know, it was brutal. How are we possibly supposed to keep ourselves occupied when we’re not refreshing our team pages every two minutes? In all seriouslyness, there are plenty of alternatives to constantly monitoring your team, for example: speak to a loved one, watch the All-Star Game (yaaaawn), go outside, play real baseball (have a catch with the old man?), Google cat videos, or if you dare not venture too far out of your comfort zone, perhaps you can start to prepare for your fantasy football draft?Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Pirates announced the time is nigh for Starling Marte. The Pirates equipment manager, Buffalo Bill, has to start making a uniform made from Jose Tabata’s skin. Put the lotion in the basket, Tabata! Tabata, “I wanna go home!” You won’t go home, ever.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yankee pitchers haven’t been hit this hard since Ed Whitson ran into a Billy Martin drinking jag. You know, Yogi’s always the one quoted from the Yankee archives, but Billy had some good ones too. Here’s my favorite, “I’d like to mouth f*** that bottle of whiskey.” Before the Yankees game, CC Sabathia hit the DL with an abductor strain in his groin. Someone’s got clams! CC is supposed to be fine to go right after the All-Star break, as long as no one else tries to shuck his groin. Then, once the game got going, Andy Pettitte was hit in the ankle with a comebacker. Pettitte is supposed to be out for 6-8 weeks. At least he didn’t pull a Zumaya during his retirement and hurt himself playing Guitar Hero (or, more likely, Guitar Praise). The Yankees’ rotation now has plenty of room for anyone the Cubs, Astros, Padres or Brewers want to give trade them. I did the crossed out text thing, I’m a jerkoff! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Daniel Hudson – Torn UCL.Please, blog, may I have some more?