Fantasy Baseball Advice

Yesterday, the Oakland A’s hit Kevin Slowey about as well as Elmer Fudd can pronounce his name.  After missing last week’s start with a sore elbow, it was a great sign that he took a no-hitter into the 8th inning, only to be lifted for precautionary reasons.  After the game, Precautionary Reasons said, “Don’t blame me, blame Gardenhire.”  Well, whoever you believe, Slowey still had his best start of the season, which came only one start removed from his 2nd best start of the season, which came after a quality start.  I guess what I’m confusingly trying to say is he’s been good over the last month aside from his last start vs. the Rays.  Hasn’t been all peaches and cream this year for Slowey.  I loved him coming into the year and I would’ve loved to strangle him at certain points this year.   Assuming his ‘bow is shooting straight, I’d grab him off waivers for his next start vs. the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the roundup, I just wanted to quickly announce the RCL Standings and the Fantasy Razzball standings have been updated.  Anyway II, the roundup:

Jim Thome – 1-for-4 with his third homer in his last 5 games.  Doesn’t have Infantian positional eligibility and he looks old enough to have grandkids, but he’s currently hitting.

Rich Harden – Hit the DL again.  Bad year for Erich Bedarden.  Actually, every year is.

Nelson Cruz – Will be reevaluated on Monday for his recurring hamstring injury.  If only the Rangers can figure out some way for their hitters to play in a giant inflatable bubble.

Derek Holland – Will start on Wednesday vs. the Rays.  I’d wait to see how he pitches before adding him, but I do have a small crush on Holland.

Justin Masterson – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (only one hit), 3 Ks.  As frequent commenter, royce!, pointed out, Masterson figured out how to counteract his terrible splits vs. lefties.  Walk them and just face righties.

Michael Brantley – 2-for-4 with a homer and is now batting .333 over the last week as he takes time away from the touring company of Riverdance.

Travis Hafner – 1-for-4 with a grand slam in his first game back from the DL.  Or, more appropriately, one of the few games between his last DL stint and his next one.

Chris Johnson – 3-for-4 with his 6th homer.  Yup.

Felix Hernandez – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks but gave up 6 unearned runs causing me to have some serious ticker shock.

Derrek Lee – 2 homers then left with a stiff back, which sounds like something Don Draper would order.

Ian Stewart – 2-for-3 with his 17th homer.  Has now hit in 9 of his last 10 games as he hits .269 on the year with 5 steals.  Don’t be surprised when I like Mini-Mini Donkey again next year.  Have to at least justify my “MMD for life” tattoo.

Eric Young Jr. – 1-for-4 as he was recalled.  He may be sent right back down or he might not be anything but a reserve utility man even if he stays up.  In deep leagues, I grabbed him where I needed speed, but I was dropping schmohawks.  Don’t drop anyone too valuable for him.  Not yet.

Adam Lind – 2-for-2 with his 17th homer.  Don’t look now (okay, you can look now), but Lind’s hitting .366 in August with 3 homers.

Ricky Romero – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Let’s talk real baseball for a second.  The Blue Kays signed Romero to a $30.1 million deal through 2015.  (Though we’ll all be using the euro by then, but that’s just a hunch of mine.)  I like this move for the Kays.  Romero’s a mid-3 ERA, just under 8 K/9 pitcher.  I.e., a solid number two.  In a few years, $30 million will look like a bargain.

Mike Napoli – Hit his 19th homer as he snuck on the field wearing Mathis’ uniform.

Tim Lincecum – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  I wonder if the Giants are second-guessing his past seasons’ pitch counts.

Jeremy Hellickson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Has been downright brilliant in each of his major league starts, sporting a 1.35 ERA, 0.60 WHIP and 18 Ks to 3 walks.  He’s also the number one fantasy prospect, according to Stephen.  Unfortunately, the Rays are conservative with their prospects and Hellickson had quite a few innings in the minors this year.  Unfortunately II:  The Search for More Bad News; as soon as Davis or Niemann can return, Hellickson will be bumped from the rotation.  Unfortunately III:  The Bride of Unfortunately; Davis or Niemann will probably return next week.

Mike Stanton – 2-for-4 but didn’t hit a homer in Sunday’s game for the first time in, like, a year.  He’s now batting fifth, hitting .275 with 14 homers.  And, according to my Stuff On My Cat desk calender, we’re not in September yet.

Homer Bailey – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Is it me or does it feel like he has a triumphant return to the majors every other month?  Seems to go like this for Bailey.  First start in the majors and he blows away the opposition.  Starts four more times and gets rocked or injured.  Then he’s DL’d or demoted.  A month later, he returns triumphantly.  Rinse and repeat.

Jose Valverde – Has been out with an abdominal strain, but says he should be fine moving forward.  If he’s lying, Ryan Perry could be the handcuff, but he’s been struggling.  Phil Coke could see some hot closing action too.  Or Valverde just returns.

Ryan Raburn – 2-for-5 with his 6th homer and…. Wait for it… Here it comes… Hmm… I’ve seemed to misplace it… Let me check my pockets… Nope…. Maybe I left it in my car?…  Oh, here it is in my wallet… This was Raburn’s 3rd homer in his last 4 games.  Tuh-dow!

Miguel Cabrera – 2-for-3 with his 27th homer and 95th RBI while batting .341, which is still twenty points off of Josh Hamilton.  They should have major league scouts at Celebrity Rehab.

Jhonny Peralta – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  To think what he could’ve done with a coke addiction.

Paul Konerko – 2-for-4 and his 29th homer.  The only consolation for missing out on Konerko this year is the guy that drafted him uses a cheat sheet from 2004 and also drafted Manny, Hafner, Carlos Lee, Berkman and Clemens.

Vicente Padilla – 4 1/3 IP, 8 ER.  Note to Padilla, when you’re selling your soul to the devil, ask him for an entire solid season, not just a good month or two.

Omar Infante – 3-for-5, 7 for his last 12 and is batting .340 on the year.  That’s the last time I’m ever mentioning him.  You’ve been served (with info)!

Bryan Bullington -8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks.  The first round draft pick threw eight shutout innings vs. the Yankees as he got his first win!  The genital wart on that achievement is that he was drafted 8 years ago and is 30 years old.  I’d let someone else be Bullington’s huckleberry.

Ian Desmond – 1-for-3 with his 2nd steal in two days while hitting 2nd and .333 over the last week.  Inch by inch, step by step, he’s putting together a decent year.

Jacoby Ellsbury – D’Ellsburied once again as he continues to rack up the Game-Missing RIBs.  Back in May, I said, “I know this might be a bitter pill(sbury) to swallow, but I don’t think it’s going to be a great season for Ellsbury.”  And that’s me rubbing salt in your wounds again!  It’s not official yet, but it sounds like he won’t return this year.  On the bright side, he’ll be a bargain in next year’s draft.

Dustin Pedroia – Proving he’s a 100%, Grade-A Sparky Anklebiter, Pedroia said he’s coming back on Tuesday because there’s no time for him to get fully healthy, there’s games to be won.  Can we get Sean Astin on a diet so he can play Dustin Pedroia in The Tail That Wagged The Sox?

.288/.378/.535 in A and AA.  Pedro Almodovar!  Wait, rechecking my notes.  Pedro Alvarez!  Last year, Robot Jones and The Dread Pirate Triple Lindy’d into the Pirates mucky-muck with a certain panache (Pretentious Word of the Day!).  Next up, is The Smashbuckler, the Pirates future 3rd baseman.  Argh, into the bilgewater you go, LaRoche!  You landlubber!  Finally, Robot Jones and The Dread Pirate have a decent teammatey.  Okay, I’m shutting off my English to Pirate translator.  Alvarez took some time in 2009 to get going again after a broken hamate bone slowed him in 2008.  By the 2nd half of the year, Alvarez was hitting for average and power in Double-A.  (A September Scouting the Unknown further broke down Pedro Alvarez minor league stats.)  He’s done more of the same in Triple-A this year.  See no reason why he can’t continue the same trajectory in the majors, assuming he hasn’t had any lengthy conversations with Alex Gordon.  Moderate power, less than moderate speed and decent average.  After his call-up, let’s say a line of Runs/15/RBIs/.270/3 in 350 ABs.  In keepers, pursue aggressively.  In redraft leagues, depends on your current corner infidel situation.  Though I will say that if he hits out of the gate, his value will go sky high and then you can trade him for a piece more valuable than him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Phillips – Walt Jocketty said Phillips’s hammy won’t require a DL stint.  Phillips said, “I’d kinda like to hear what a doctor has to say.”

Alfredo Simon – Was activated from the DL.  Juan Schmoil said he’ll ease Simon back into the closer role so if you have room, I would wait until Simon earns a save before cutting Hernandez.  Though ‘fredo can handle things!  He’s smart!

Rich Harden – Landed on the DL.  Ah, finally vintage Harden returns.

Matt Holliday – 2-for-4 as he had his coming out party from the two hole, which appropriately has POO-Holes protecting him.  Hey, whatever gets Holliday back from his extended vacay.

Colby Rasmus – 1-for-3 as he hit his 12th homer.  Rasmus appears in this afternoon’s post, but not in the most favorable light.  So Rasmus owners better wear their miner’s helmets.

Jair Jurrjens – Threw in his first rehab start.  Was hit around a bit with poor control.  But he’s on the road to recovery, as they say in rehab.  Should be activated in the next few weeks barring any setbacks.

Erick Aybar – Left the game after being taken out on a slide by Casey McGehee.  Ooh, that heated Angels/Brewers rivalry.  Interleague fail.  Injury looked pretty bad, Aybar will probably head off to the DL.  Izturis should fill in.  Maicer, what goes on, Maicer?  Not a whole lot, actually.

Ryan Braun – Hit his 2nd homer in four games, a grand slam.  And you were worried.  Oh, you!  Braun has 45 RBIs on the year, McGehee has 47 and Hart has 44.  No wonder Fielder has only 24.  There’s only so many to go around.  And for Fielder it’s a long way around.  Fat joke!

Shaun Marcum – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks in Petco.  In related news, every pitcher with a no-trade clause has the Padres as an exception.

John Buck – Hit his 10th and 11th homers last night.  So he’s been more valuable than McCann.  Whatever.  I’m bitter.  BUCK!

Aaron Hill – 3-for-5 with 3 doubles.  Not to rain on the first positive for Hill in a while, but last year those doubles would’ve been homers.

Jonathan Sanchez – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He’s dropped his BB/9 by nearly a full walk from last year.  His K/BB is the highest it’s been in his career.  He’s dropped his 2009 WHIP of 1.37 to 1.15 so far this year.  His BAA is .202.  He’s just under a 9 K/9.  Yes, it’s true.  I love me some Filthy Sanchez.

Pat Burrell – Now has 2 homers in the last 4 games as he hits .407 on the Giants.  If you need a power outfielder, Pat’s got the hot bat injection.

Matt Wieters – 1-for-4 with his 5th homer.  Let’s hope 2011 is kinder to current rookie catcher phenoms, Posey and Santana, than 2010 has been to Wieters.  But because we ask so little of catchers, if Wieters gets to 15 homers this year, which he easily can, this year won’t look bad in retrospect.  It’s no John Buck year, but really nothing is.  BUCK!

Elvis Andrus – Ron Washington indicated he may limit Andrus and Borbon if they can’t up their stealing percentages.  This sounds like Washington playing mind games to get his youngsters to pick their spots better.  I’d take this with a grain of salt.  Whoa, Washington, I said that’s salt!

The last time we looked at FIP for fantasy baseball was back in March.  On that list of guys that will fail were Edwin Jackson, Jurrjens, Happ, Arroyo, Wolf, Johan and *small voice* Cain.  Now that we have a decent enough sample size for the new season, we can check to see where we’re at in 2010.  To remind you, xFIP — stands for Expected Fielding Independent Pitching.  It’s basically ERA without those pesky fielders helping or hurting you.  It’s a pure ERA.  It’s like when you go to the Supercuts and then you don’t want to shower for like 2 weeks because you’ll never get your hair styled again like Jeffrey does it.  It’s your hair right after Jeffrey styles it and before you wash it.  That’s xFIP.  Okay, so let’s take a Exhibit A pitcher, who has an ERA of 2.75, but his xFIP is a 6.75.  A -4.00 difference.  That means he’s been very lucky and there’s a good chance his ERA is going to go way up.  So here’s a list of pitchers with the biggest difference between their actual ERAs and their xFIPs for the first month of the season. (If your guy’s on the list, it’s not a great sign.)

Livan Hernandez – -4.37.  Using xFIP to tell you Livan isn’t this good is like using Stephen Hawking as your lifeline on the $100 question.

Rich Harden – -1.12.  Right now, Harden is getting lucky with men on base, balls batted into play and he’s walking the park.  As the summer heats up in Texas, there’s a good chance it’ll all catch up with Harden.  Or he’ll just get hurt.  Tomato-squished tomahto.

Mitch Talbot – -2.01.  His K/9 is 3.15; his BB/9 is 3.93.  Um, not good.

Jon Garland – -2.64.  I wouldn’t start him outside of Petco anyway.

Jeff Niemann – -2.14.  Niemann!!!

Jamie Garcia – -2.60.  Right now, his balls batted into play is showing he’s been lucky, so there could be some Liquid Paper taken to his ERA.  He does after all have a 1.13 ERA, you knew that wasn’t holding.

Wade Davis – -1.80.  He has a near 5 BB/9 and he’s leaving just over 85% of men on base with a .231 BABIP.  All together now, Wade to the slaughter…

Tim Hudson – -1.66.  Somehow Hudson has a 3.45 K/9.  To give you an idea, Pineiro has a 4.85 K/9.  I think Dr. James Andrews took out Hudson’s Ks.

C.J. Wilson – -2.51.  Decent Ks and his FIP only takes him up to 3.12.  It’s his homers allowed that are abnormally low, as in nonexistent as of right now.  In Arlington, that’ll catch up to him, but since his ERA is 1.65 it Wilson gives a mid- to high-3 ERA.  That sounds about right.

Doug Fister – -2.69.  About to become Twisted Fister.

Brett Cecil appeared in the April 23rd version of the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell.  I liked his strikeout stuff and thought he was up to the task.  He secretly confided in me it was a lot of pressure on him.  He never had a mustachioed man ask anything of him, at least not one that wasn’t wearing a raincoat and no pants.  His WHIP sits at 0.77 through 20 2/3 innings.  Thank you, can I bring you your slippers?  He has 21 Ks.  Yup, more than a strikeout per inning.  Last night, he had a perfect game in the 7th inning and ended up going 8 innings, 1 ER and 10 Ks.  He’s getting a bit lucky, but he’s worth owning in all twelve team leagues, while ten teamers should hover their grabby hands just over his name.  Honey, could you bring me a Dr. Pepper? My grabby hands are busy, woman!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Rafael Furcal – The Dodgers will be oh-for-cal for 15 days.

Ryan Madson – Will have toe surgery after kicking a metal chair.  The metal chair is day-to-day.

Joe Blanton – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  That looks like about what you’ll get from Blanton every time out.  Give or take 1 earned run, according to 100 simulations run by a 100 monkeys dressed as William Shakespeare.

David Freese – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs.  No one’s been hotter in the last week.  Now has 3 homers in the last seven games and batting near .500.

Jaime Garcia – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  If you’re bored at your job, Dave Duncan can turn you into a major league pitcher and help you win a Cy Young.

Cesar Valdez – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks vs. the Suck Asstros.  Valdez is fine in NL-Only leagues because he should keep the ball down, but looks like he’ll be more valuable to the Diamondbacks than he will to your mixed league fantasy team.

Mike Pelfrey – Had an MRI for shoulder tightness, but he was cleared to start Friday.  The MRI showed “pitched poor on Saturday vs. a good team” but “hopeful he’ll be better against” a “poor Giants offense.”  Yes, MRI results read like a Zagat review.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 13 Ks.  If the Rockies schedule holds, Ubaldo should be the starter on July 13th.  Though he’ll probably only go for 2 innings.

Javier Vazquez – First bit of good news for Vazquez owners this year is the Yankees are skipping his turn in the rotation.  There’s some taxi drivers rubbing their hands together hoping Javy gets into their cab.

Jorge Posada – Left the game with tightness in his right calf.  His left calf sends its best.  Posada’ll miss a few days.

Randy Winn – 1-for-3 with a 3-run homer.  I was looking up his numbers yesterday making sure there was nothing to see here and there isn’t, but something did stand out to me.  His age.  How is he 35 years old?  C’mon, doode looks like he’s 62.  He was 35 when he starred opposite Billy Crystal in Running Scared.

Nick Swisher – 3-for-3, appeared in Friday’s Buy/Sell and is still hitting over .400 in the last seven days.  ROTIOAOWAYSETWOASPAYOWTWH!

Mariano Rivera – Rivera joins Posada as the sore half of the core four.  Rivera felt stiffness in side after Friday’s game.  The Yankees withheld telling the media until yesterday.  Don’t these people know The Star Ledger’s got papers to sell!  It makes me a tad suspicious that the Yankees didn’t say anything about Rivera until yesterday.  (BTW, Tad Suspicious is a character I adopt while playing Clue.)  I’d absolutely grab Joba if he’s out there.

Adrian Beltre – 2-for-5 as he hit his first homer of the season.  That puts him just off his pace from last year when he hit 8 homers.

Austin Jackson – 3-for-5 as he fell a homer short of the cycle.  He’s now hitting .377.  Okay, all I’m saying is his BABIP is .527, which means he could pop a bunt up to the catcher and it would fall for a hit.

Max Scherzer – 4 1/3 IP, 10 ER.  Look around, the people who are standing are Scherzer owners.  They can’t sit down.

Rich Harden – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 9 Ks and most importantly no walks.  Looked like vintage Harden, which is weird to say for a 28-year-old, but there ya go.

Frank Francisco – 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Two steps forward, one near blown save back.

Jake Peavy – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  It’s about time the Peavy of old put on his shizzkickers and kicked some– Oh, it was vs. the Royals.

Andruw Jones – Konerko has, like, 27 homers; Andruw Jones has 8 homers and 5 steals.  In a sad twist of fate, they’re both going to be toddlers by the end of the season.

Trevor Hoffman has been lights out all year.  Maybe he jumped in the Cocoon pool.  Octavio Dotel?  The post office said they’re going to a five day week because of cutbacks and the amount of fan mail coming in for Dotel.  Now hold the preceding up to a mirror.  Dotel as a Pirate has done nothing except plunder his fantasy owners’ goodwill.  Even Roger ain’t Jolly.  The Hoff looks drunk.  And Trevor too.  The pickups for this duo of dud is Carlos Villanueva, Joel Hanrananananan, Brendan Donnelly, Evan Meek, Hawkins, Coffey, Shelley Duvall, the guy at Subway that kinda skeeves you out, the Polish Sausage in the 7th inning stretch race and Cher.  Pick them up in that order.  For full disclosure, I grabbed Hanaranananan because Villanueva was taken in all of my leagues.  I didn’t go deeper than that.  Some shituations just aren’t worth the ulcer.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Garrett Jones – 2-for-7, 1 RBI.  After his first four at-bats yielded 4 Ks, Robot really turned it on.  Fool him 5 times, shame on Robot.

Andrew McCutchen – 4-for-7 and 2 homers for The Dread Pirate.  Now has 3 homers and 10 steals as he bats .303.  This might come as heresy, but The Dread Pirate could be a 3rd rounder next year.

Juan Gutierrez – Converted his first save.  Qualls was unavailable even though he hadn’t been used in two days.  I’m suspicious.  And, yes, I’m wearing a monocle.  Closers don’t just turn up unavailable in a one run game.  There’s something here.  I’d own Gutierrez over the Villanueva crapfecta that was listed in the lead-in.

Kelly Johnson – Hit his 8th homer of the year to lead the major leagues.  I pushed everyone to draft this guy from the moment he was traded to the Diamondbacks.  Where’s the love?!

Carlos Gonzalez – Hit his third homer and stole his third base.  It’s weird, it’s almost like he wants to get to 20/20 in the same game.

Dexter Fowler – 3-for-6, homer and a steal.  Love that, love the Rockies.  I am Eskimo kissing my fantasy baseball team.

Chris Coghlan – 2-for-4, I don’t even like him, but he appeared in last week’s Buy/Sell as a Buy and he’s now hitting, like, .300 for the last five days.  BTW, Rudy just traded Cody Ross for Coghlan in his NL-Only league.  Rudy also traded in his Winger CDs for a previously worn Band-Aid.  Doode’s a trading machine!

Jorge Cantu – 1-for-3 with his 5th homer as he took the lead in the National League in RBIs.  He’ll be in tomorrow’s Buy/Sell on the right side, which is oddly enough the wrong side.  Speaking of Sells…

Max Scherzer – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Yup.

Brandon Inge – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs with a homer.  He hits ‘em in bunches.  Now has a bunch of three in the last 3 games.

Scott Baker – 4 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners.  Last year, his 1st half ERA was 5.42 compared to 3.28 in the 2nd half.  Maybe he just takes forever to get going.  Whatever the case, I’d look elsewhere.  Not that you need me to tell you, but Baker’s cooked.

James Shields – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks.  Shields pitches well in Florida.  He do what he do.  In the preseason, I absolutely refused to own Shields because of his soul-crushing 2009.  I figured I could get out without any regrets.  Of course, Shields has pitched well and threw a wrench in those plans.  Sonavawrench!

Jon Lester – Threw a seven inning one-hitter with 11 Ks.  Last Friday, I wrote, “If (Lester) doesn’t bounce back this week, he’ll probably have the lead-in of the Buy section next Friday.  Go and get Lester now!”  Too late.

Jake Fox – Caught his 5th game yesterday.  I haven’t talked much about him because he’s hitting .175 with one homer.  Worth noting though in AL-Only and 2 catcher leagues.

Cole Hamels – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 Ks, 13 baserunners as he took your WHIP for a ghost ride.

Ryan Madson – Blew the save and got the Win.  Such a Cuddle Boy move.

Jimmy Rollins – Began a running program. The name of the program is, “J-Roll Rolls.”  Some discarded titles were, “Hurry, Juan Castro Is Starting,” “You Were Drafted In The 2nd Round In Fantasy, Doesn’t That Mean Anything To You?” and “It’s Always Runny In Philadelphia.”

Luis Atilano – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners.  He has 5 walks and 2 Ks in 12 innings.  Don’t even think about picking him up.

Matt Capps – Capps has been quite possibly the only closer to, ya know, convert a save all year as he picked up his 10th save yesterday.  SPOILER ALERT:  In next week’s Closer Look, Capps is crowned a Donkeycorn.

Ryan Zimmerman – Hey, I ain’t mad at cha, but how about you just go on the DL?

Jaime Garcia – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has a 1.04 ERA on the year.  No reason why he shouldn’t be owned in all leagues at this point.

Mike Leake – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I’m not as bullish on Leake as I am on Garcia.  Leake’s walks are a mess.  Currently, he’s rocking a 18:15 K:BB.  Rocky road ahead, use caution.

Ryan Dempster – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Now has a 2.78 ERA on the year.  He’s been a tad lucky with men on base.  (BTW, Tad Lucky would be an awesome male porn star name.)  Dempster’s probably closer to a mid- to high-3 ERA guy.  He’s no Carlos Silva, that’s for sure.  Take that however you want.

Chris Young – Had his rehab start pushed back due to achiness.  Uh-oh, someone call the giraffe doctor.

Robinson Cano – 2-for-5 as he hit his 6th homer and bats near .400.  Not to totally flip you out, but this great April is coming from a guy who’s usually a slow starter.  Yo, Big Chief Lambreaux, let’s start a parade!

Jorge Posada – After getting hit on the knee, Posada was lifted from the game by Girardi.  Weird, cause Girardi doesn’t even look that strong.  Posada will probably only miss a game or two.

Gordon Beckham – Got the night off to get his head straight.  Ozzie announced the move on his Twitter account by saying, “Something stinks.  Not fingers.  It’s Beckham.  He sits.”

Rich Harden – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners with 5 BBs and only 2 Ks.  Since you read Razzball, you probably don’t own Harden.  Good for you, because even the starts where he limits runs don’t look right.  If you can somehow confuse someone in your league that this was a good start, trade Harden.

Neftali Feliz – 1 IP, 2 ER and the save.  This save actually makes me want to own Frank-Frank more.

Matt Kemp – In the NL, he’s tied for 2nd in homers with 7.  He’s tied for 3rd in RBIs with 20.  He’s batting .292.  Why am I telling you this?  Because yesterday Dodgers GM Ned Colletti said, “(Kemp’s defense is) below-average.  If this is the last day of the season and people are voting for the Gold Glove, his name is not even on the ballot.”  Yeah, he’s no ex-Colletti signee, Juan Pierre.  What a putz.

John Ely – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He looks pretty average.  Dropped about a K/IP as he moved up in the minors, which puts him around a 6 K/9 in the majors if the trend continues.  His control should be better than he showed in yesterday’s game, but still he’s an avoid outside of deep NL-Only leagues.  On the bright side, he has better hair than Dennis Farina.

Ike Davis – 2-for-4 with his 6th RBI and now is batting .355 since his call up.  Maybe Ike is a slap hitter.

John Maine – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Well, it is blueberry season in Maine.  I don’t buy this start.  Have Maine call me in 2011 and I’ll reevaluate.

Jose Reyes – I was watching the Mets game yesterday and Pagan and Cora came up and then Reyes came up and I was like, “Where’s the pitcher between Cora and Reyes?”  Interesting experiment, Mets.  Now fix your lineup!  I mean, I’ve heard of batting the pitcher 8th, but I’ve never heard of batting the bottom of your order at the top.  Stop making me think there was a double switch in the 1st inning.