Fantasy Baseball Advice

It’s been a while since I went through all the major league closers and their setup men and where they should be ranked. So I figured I’d break it down for you because knowing all the closers and all of their setup man could be helpful for all of you. A million dollars and a naked Christina Ricci chained to your furnace could also be helpful, but I don’t have a furnace. Anyway, all the major league closers and their setup men seems like something all fantasy baseball players could use, so here it is. BTW, do you see how giving I am? I’m like Jolie-giving. Seriously, I should be wearing a habit and carrying a Malaysian orphan in a baby sling while talking on my solar-powered cellphone.

NO-BRAINERS

This tier is filled with a bunch of no-brainers (Papelbon — a no-brainer! Get it? Oofa!). These closers could get you the most in any trade. I would not hesitate to trade away any of these guys for the right price. In the end, closers are here to get you saves. You could end up with more saves from Rauch than Joe Nathan. When stacked with closers, unstack and trade.

1. Jonathan Papelbon, BOS (Hideki Okajima)
2. Joe Nathan, MIN (Matt Guerrier, Dennys Reyes)
3. Francisco Rodriguez, LAA (Justin Speier, Scot Shields)
4. Mariano Rivera, NYY (Joba Chamberlain)
5. Billy Wagner, NYM (Aaron Heilman)
6. Brad Lidge, PHI (Tom Gordon)
7. Takashi Saito, LAD (Jonathan Broxton)

BRAINERS

These closers seem like they have a lot more risk than they actually do. It takes a real brainer to see how potentially valuable some of these brainers are. If you trade a no-brainer for a brainer and another player, you’re likely coming out on top.

8. Joakim Soria, KAN (Ramon Ramirez, Leo Nunez)
9. Francisco Cordero, CIN (David Weathers)
10. Jon Rauch, WAS (Luis Ayala)
11. Bobby Jenks, CHW (Scott Linebrink, Octavio Dotel)
12. Brandon Lyon, ARI (Tony Pena, Chad Qualls)
13. Trevor Hoffman, SDG (Heath Bell, Cla Meredith)
14. Jose Valverde, HOU (Doug Brocail)
15. Brian Fuentes, COL (Manny Corpas, Taylor Buchholz)
16. J.J. Putz, SEA (Brandon Marrow, Sean Green)
17. Matt Capps, PIT (Damaso Marte)
18. Brian Wilson, SAN (Tyler Walker)
19. Kevin Gregg, FLA (Renyel Pinto)
20. Kerry Wood, CHC (Bob Howry, Carlos Marmol)
21. George Sherrill, BAL (Bunch of Schmohawks)

BRAIN FREEZE

At some point soon, you’re going to squeeze your temples and grimace like you just ate a pint of Dreyer’s. All of these guys should be traded after they go on a string of few saved games, assuming they go on a string of a few saved games.

22. Huston Street, OAK (Keith Foulke, Joey Devine)
23. Troy Percival, TAM (Dan Wheeler, Al Reyes)
24. B.J. Ryan, TOR (Scott Downs)
25. Manny Acosta, Rafael Soriano, Blaine Boyer, et al, ATL (John Smoltz)
26. Rafael Betancourt/Masa Kobayashi, CLE (Joe Borowski)
27. Todd Jones, DET (Clay Rapada, Aquilino Lopez, Fernando Rodney)
28. Eric Gagne, MIL (Salomon Torres, G. Mota)
29. C.J. Wilson, TEX (Eddie Guardado, Joaquin Benoit)
30. Ryan Franklin/Russ Springer, STL (Jason Isringhausen)

JJ Putz returns from the DL. Too bad because the Rowland-O’Flaherty-Green-Lowe-Crap-Smith-Whatever were like the Murderer’s Row of setup men. Really holding down the fort. Too bad The Big Sexy can’t pitch like he strikes out, he could’ve lent a hand there. Anyway, I told you to drop all of these schmohawks a couple of days ago, I will second that emotion today. Don’t handcuff your Putz to anything. It’s way too painful. In other closer news, Chad Cordero is going to get his shoulder examined. When a closer goes on the DL because of arm trouble, then returns, but can’t throw only to have his shoulder examined again two weeks later, it’s not good news. By the time you read this, he might already be on the DL. I think Rauch gets more saves than Cordero this year, so if you have Cordero, prepare to cry. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

John Lannan – Is this guy for real? His minor league numbers say he’s only starting in the majors because he’s on the Nationals. In three minor league seasons, he had 229 Ks to 127 walks in 326 innings. That, folks, are pretty bad numbers. So is he for real? I wouldn’t start him against the Cubs for his next start.

Jerry Hairston – He keeps hitting like he did yesterday, Corey Patterson might be on the bench for a while. Dusty, I thought you liked Corey… Wha’ happen? (Oh, and for the first comment, “Grey, should I pick up Hairston?” No, I would not.)

Manny Parra – If you’re looking at a 2.20 WHIP and asking how he only gave up only three runs, let me explain. He was lucky he only gave up 3 runs. Duncan hit a liner to Fielder to get him out of the fifth. That liner would’ve easily scored one more run and who knows what that would’ve led to. Manny hasn’t looked in command of his pitches for a couple starts now.

Eric Gagne – I’m far from a Gagne-apologist, but the blown save shouldn’t have been blown. Weeks threw a ball in the dirt and Fielder couldn’t get his big veggie mitts on it so the tying run scored — costing Parra the win.

Casey Kotchman – Hit his fifth homer. I’ve liked Kotchman for two years while he battled the world’s most drawn out case of mono and, of course, the year I don’t have him on one team, he’s doing well. Here’s hoping he catches a common cold and he’s bedridden for four years because of it.

Edinson Volquez – Or should I say Edison or perhaps Julio Reyes (Volquez has gone through three names in his short career.) He looked decent, if not a little wild. If we can get a game like last night from him seven out of ten times, gonna have to take it.

Juan Pierre – The ironic thing (not ironic ironic, but more ironic like “…rain on your wedding day” ironic… Well, now that I think about it, this actually might really be ironic, not Alanis ironic. Anyway…) Juan Pierre is just as bad as Andruw Jones, only a completely different type of bad. What a mess. (BTW, sample Dodgers’ clubhouse conversation — Torre, “Cashman, I got Nomar batting third. I need some free agent bats!”  Cashman replies, “I’m no longer your GM.”  Torre, “Fine! I’ll call George.”)

Adam Dunn – Went deep. Could have five home runs by this time next week. Don’t sleep on Dunn! (Actually you could sleep on him because he’s big and fat and kinda looks like a walking curly-haired mattress. He’s country comfortable!)

Brandon Phillips – Someone I thought would not be good this year so far has lived up down to expectations. But he did homer last night. (BTW, don’t you love strikethroughs, they’re soooooo snarky! It’s also snarky when you put six ohs on the word “so.” Or soooooo I’ve heard. Actually that so doesn’t make sense to have six ohs. Soooooo Taguchi.)

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu went 3 for 5 with 3 runs and 3 RBIs. But, then again, everyone got a hit in this game, except for Pronk. What the eff, Project-Donkey?

C.C. Sabathia – The news of his demise was prematurely reported (or whatever that pithy thing is people say.)

Miguel Tejada – I thought The Player Formerly Aged 31 would be great this year. He’s playing even better than I thought he would be.

Joey Votto – If I could go back and change my ROY prediction, I’d pick Votto. He’ll go through slumps, like anyone, but he looks like a home run-hitting Billy Butler.

Matt Holliday – When he’s swinging the bat, it looks like he’s thinking this, “Of course I’m going to hit a double. Might even be a home run.”

Jayson Nix – To make himself feel better about being benched for Barmes, he checks into the Colorado Marriott and calls Corey Patterson and Rich Aurilla to find out if they get to listen to their iPod during the game. When Nix finds out they do not, he silently fist pumps.

Troy Tulowitzski – Had the night off, probably to clear his head. This is a great buying opportunity. Find the Tulo owner in your league and trade for him.

Manny Corpas – I have Fuentes on a few teams. Cust kayin’.

Ronny Cedeno – I had him active for that grand slam yesterday… on my Razzball team. I was grand slammed. Oh, and I got a home run from Geoff Blum. Yes, the Geoff Blum that you thought retired two years ago.

Gil Meche – Looks like he let Karabell’s praise go to his head.

Chad Cordero reported stiffness and Jon Rauch came out to save Sunday’s true season opener. If Cordero’s injured, then it’s Rauch who will get the saves, so he’s a must add right now as we wait to see what’s going on with Cordero. Over in Dodgers country, Torre announced that Andre Ethier will be starting in place of Juan Pierre. Not only the right baseball move, but the more exciting fantasy move since Ethier has a higher ceiling for what’s possible, where Juan Pierre we already know what’s possible. I still see Juan Pierre getting 400 at-bats this season and at least 35 steals. I told you not to draft Juan Pierre. You have to hold onto Pierre at this point, because we really don’t know how Ethier’s going to react to the chance to start. Also, on Sunday, Tim Hudson picked up where he left off last year. Great WHIP, just eh Ks, but I’d be more than happy to have him on a team. In fact, I do.

Participated in my first league last night. It was a 16 team H2H league, which had all kinds of fangled rules, hitting (R, 1B, 2B, 3B, HR, RBI, SB, BB, TB, AVG) and the other (IP, W, CG, SV, K, HLD, ERA, WHIP, QS) that was organized by Bleeding Blue and Teal: a Seattle Mariners blog. Am I secretly a fan of the Mariners? Nope, but I hadn’t joined a H2H league yet and they had an opening so there I was. Since this league is for and by Mariners’ fans, I expected Ichiro to go in the first round (nope), Bedard in the second (yup) and Kenji to be someone’s utility (nope). It turned out to be less “root root for the home team” than I originally thought (though there is a team named, Olerud’s Main Dude). Anyway, here’s my team:

1.      (4)      José Reyes      SS
2.     (29)     Álex Ríos     OF
3.     (36)     Adam Dunn     OF
4.     (61)     Corey Hart     OF
5.     (68)     Alex Gordon     1B,3B
6.     (93)     Edwin Encarnación     3B
7.     (100)     John Maine     SP
8.     (125)     Jeff Kent     2B
9.     (132)     Jhonny Peralta     SS
10.     (157)     Matt Capps     RP
11.     (164)     Carlos Delgado     1B
12.     (189)     Adam Wainwright     SP
13.     (196)     Jonathan Broxton     RP
14.     (221)     Brandon Lyon     RP
15.     (228)     Carlos Ruiz     C
16.     (253)     Zack Greinke     SP,RP
17.     (260)     Pat Neshek     RP
18.     (285)     Manny Parra     RP
19.     (292)     Mike Jacobs     1B
20.     (317)     Jon Rauch     RP
21.     (324)     Franklin Gutiérrez     OF

Here’s what I was thinking in various rounds:

1. Can’t believe Reyes is falling to me. He’s an automatic #2 for me, even with this league’s rules. Wow, Pujols went sixth. He’s putting in a good spring, but that injury could be killer. Matt Holliday fell to seventh; that’s who I was planning to take if Reyes didn’t fall to me.

2. 16 teams… Ugh, this is going to take forever to get back to me. (Actually, I thought this every round.) Granderson’s goes 17th? Well, it wouldn’t have been me. Beltran goes 19th, not liking that pick. Peavy 20th, have to like that value, no matter how much I devalue pitching. Bedard goes 22nd (Webb goes 30th); there’s some hometown bias. At 29, I’m more than happy to grab Rios.

3. First off the board in the third round, George Sherrill. Then went—Wait! What? Okay, I probably would’ve taken Percival over Sherrill and maybe 300 other players, but it’s definitely a way to go. (I’ll see if I can get the Sherrill owner to write a guest post about why he didn’t take Jamie Walker in the fourth round to handcuff Sherrill.) Now that I had Reyes and Rios, I felt I needed some wombat, so I went with Dunn. At this point, I started to think I was going to wait a while for pitching and focus on Holds, Saves, ERA and WHIP. Lots of names went this round that I was glad to be no part of: Mauer, Roberts, Byrnes, Russell Martin, Manny and Beckett.

4. I could have gave birth to an elephant in the time it took my to draft again. I went with Corey Hart (61). Markakis went at 57; I was pissed. Atkins went at 59; I was equally po’d. I almost took Konerko or Adrian Gonzalez because I felt like I could have used a bit more pop, but both of these schmohawks have as many negatives as positives with some of the categories we’re playing with in this league.

5. Alex Gordon! Any daily readers of the site knew I was going to take him. There were a lot of names on the board I could’ve opted for. But none gave me the 20/20 balance I see Gordon putting together. If nothing else, my team is balanced. Except of course for my pitching…

7. With the 100th pick overall, I took Maine. Leaguemates seemed amused by this choice, but the only names on the board (pitching-wise) that were close in my book were Hill, Shields, Dice-K and Javier Vazquez. All are in the AL, except Hill. Also, Maine and Hill have the most upside. Here’s Maine’s numbers from last year, 191.0 IPs/15 Wins/1 CG/180 Ks/3.91 ERA/1.27 WHIP/17 QS. At 26 years old, on arguably the best offensive team in the NL? I think I made the right choice. But Hill was very, very close. Shea got a slight nod and the winds at Wrigley scared me away…

13. All I had was Capps (10) at this point for relievers so I figured I needed to be aggressive in trying to get holds and saves with the same guys so I targeted relievers that could conceivably get saves or holds. Worse case scenario being I only get one of the two. Remember this league weighs them equally, so why not take the best guy rather than the one most likely to get saves? So I passed Wood, Gregg, Jones and Borowski for Broxton. (I would have passed on Sherrill here too, but he went in the third round.)

14. Then I grabbed Brandon Lyon next because if his spring training continues into the season Tony Pena’s going to be the closer real soon and Lyon will be relegated to a Holds position. And if Lyon gets some saves, so be it. It’s a win-win. Later, I grabbed Rauch and Neshek. Again, I was always taking the best guy on the board and the guy who will get Holds and could possibly get saves. If I went for Jones, Gagne, Borowski or Gregg there was a chance I would get saves, but I can’t imagine these guys ever becoming the setup men.

15. Carlos Ruiz! Do I have to say more? At 228? Are you kidding me? Joking aside, Varitek was taken right after him and I almost took Varitek but… I love me some Ruiz. Here comes 17/10. Okay, maybe 14/7, but I’ll take it.

19. Mike Jacobs with the 292nd pick? I can’t imagine how he fell that far considering how deep this league is, but there he was. Honestly, I try to avoid hitters towards the end of a draft, but when Jacobs is looking at you almost 300 picks in, you gotta.

20. Another hitter? Yes, but Franklin Gutiérrez is 25 and about to get the right field job on one of the best offensive AL teams. Gutiérrez could go 70/20/80/.270/20 in the ninth hole. Not to mention how deep this league was, some of the names that were picked at the end of this draft were Kendall, Jack Wilson, Tony Gwynn (I think Junior), Noah Lowry (scheduled to start throwing in a month) and some catchers (for people who punted).

Tonight’s an ‘pert league with a bunch of fantasy writers so I’ll be filling you again on Thursday. Until then, how do you think I did on this draft?