Fantasy Baseball Advice

Derek Jeter left yesterday’s game with a Grade 1 strain of his calf as reported by ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN News, ESPN U., ESPN Deportes and on the ticker at the bottom of the screen while they aired Mr. 3000 on ABC.  Yes, I’m just as bad for even talking about it.  Hey, pot, what’s up?  Kettle, here.  You black?  Whatever, it was a slow day yesterday in fantasy baseball — shoot, Justin Ruggiano was almost the lead.  Member a few years ago when people were talking about how Jeter could get to 4,000 hits?  I’d be surprised now to see him get to 3,400.  Dorian Gray paint is starting to fade.  You read me?  Yeah, you do.  My guess is Jeter will avoid the DL and make us endure more 3,000 hit talk after he rests his veal for a few days.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Russell Martin – Scratched with back stiffness.  See, I’m usually scratched with back itchiness.

Carlos Carrasco – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  If you started him in The House They Built Next To The House That Ruth Built, you deserved this win.  Crazy thing is, Carrasco’s pitching better than his ERA is showing, but, outside of this game, the Ks have been pretty pedestrian.  You ride the lightning in AL-Only leagues; I’d avoid still in mixed leagues.

Justin Ruggiano – 2-for-3 and hitting near .500 in the last week.  Sam Fuld handed off his magic beans to a new past-prime prospect.  So is this on par, ma, for Ruggiano?  Will he melt under the hot lights?  Or will he be solid enough to great?  In Triple-A, Ruggiano had back-to-back years of 15 homers and 23+ steals.  The problem with anyone who’s seeing their first look in the bigs in three years when they’re 29 years old is why.  While why is a question that self help gurus teach to help you keep a conservation going, I don’t particularly want to talk about Ruggiano all that much more.  He’s currently hitting enough to pick up in all leagues, but I don’t think he’s going to keep it going.

Alex Cobb – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks.  This was a better-than-decent start, but right now it looks like Cobb’s headed to the minors after one more start.  Gary Glitter, “That don’t sound bad at all!”

Brandon Lyon – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Now has 8 earned runs since he returned.  Hey, he looks like his old self!  If someone prematurely dropped Melancon from their team, I’d go ahead and make the grab.

Wandy Rodriguez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  The Wandwagon returned from the DL and got immediately back on the right track.

Brett Anderson – Set to rehab for six weeks but will be reevaluated in three weeks. So that puts his next setback around two weeks away.

Ricky Nolasco – 3 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners, 3 Ks and he was pitchslapped by Zach Duke (who took a couple of right crosses too).  I said I wouldn’t touch Nolasco in any league this preseason and I didn’t.  He now sits at a 4.23 ERA and he always seems to push that over 5.  Amazing how much good will he got from one solid year out of five.

Justin Morneau – Time for a daily check-in on this sad robot.  “Tears make me rust!”  That’s Morneau.  He just had an MRI on his wrist.  The Vottomatic comes with titanium wrist joints.  Why’s Morneau having his wrist checked?  He needs to have his head checked.  He probably needs a new operating system.  On Morneau’s player card it says POS:  1B.  The POS is right.

Vicente Padilla – Will miss an extended period of time with neck surgery.  It doesn’t look like he has a neck in this picture of Padilla.

Paul Maholm – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now has a 3.12 ERA, 1.14 WHIP and not the greatest Ks.  You say to me, “Hey, Grey sweet ‘stache, it’s like you have three eyebrows.  Pregunta:  Should I pick up Maholm?”  His ERA will end close to 4 and he has no Ks.  I own him in one H2H league but wouldn’t touch him in most roto leagues.  In H2H, the inevitable terrible start, which is coming, is erased in a week, but in roto you gotta live with your decisions a lot longer.  Wow, I sound like a guidance counselor.

Hunter Pence – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 9th home run.  Now has a 23-game hitting streak.  Or 23 more games than Morneau.

Randy Wolf – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Wolf’s coming in this afternoon’s post about pitchers who are getting lucky, but he was also in the same post last month, so what the FIP do I know?

Jordan Schafer – 2-for-5 with his first home run.  In the past week, he has 6 steals.  He’s an intriguing name in deep leagues.  Just don’t jump out the window until you see how real the fire is.

Vernon Wells – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  As frequent commenter, Terrance Mann, said, “Projections on any significant HRs the rest of the year from HGH Wells are pure science fiction.”

Anthony Bass – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 1 K.  Outside of NL-Only leagues, I wouldn’t touch him yet.  Like Juba’s pizza dough on The Next Food Network Star, he’s too raw.

Charlie Blackmon – 2-for-4 and now has 3 steals in the last three games.  Maybe when he’s in the tunnel to the stadium, Eric Youg Jr. hands him a Pepsi.

Manny Ramirez – The Dodgers owe him $8.3 million in deferred payments.  In related news, the Dodger Dog prices were raised to $17,000 per hot dog.

It’s back again, but this time for longer. No, you won’t need any ointment, it’s just interleague play. It starts at the tail end of this week and continues into week 12. I am still not a fan for fantasy porpoises. (That’s a league of dolphins called Hard to the Albacore, in case you were wondering.) Interleague messes up everything; lineups, in game situations and my ability to conjugate verbs. So be careful when setting your lineups this week, certain players will lose at bats, causing them to lose a little value. On the other hand, pitching gains some value. As they face teams that never have seen them before or just not as frequent. So grabbing an extra relief pitcher or spot starter makes a lot of sense to me. So good luck this week as you peruse the week 11 low end pitching options for fantasy baseball. (Please keep in mind that match-ups and pitchers may change.)

ONE START OPTIONS:

6/15
Mark Buerhle @ Min – Blackburn
Charlie Morton @ Hou – Happ
Joe Saunders vs. SF – Bumgarner

6/16
Mike Minor vs. NYM – Dickey
Ryan Vogelsong @ Ari – Kennedy
Jeff Francis vs. Oak – Godfrey

6/17
Scott Baker vs. SD – Richard
John Lannan vs. Bal – Matusz
Kevibn Correia PIT @ Cle – Tomlin

Randy Wolf (@CHC vs. Dempster, @Bos vs. Lester) Unfortunately, road ERA is higher, that and he faces the demon known as the Red Sox lineup. Last five starts 1-0 with a 2.58 ERA. I still reminisce of the days when fans used to wear wolf masks and do a semi-Thriller inspired dance in Philly.

Carlos Carrasco (@NYY vs. Burnett, Pit vs. Maholm) Comes off the stellar start vs. the Triple-A team in Minnesota. ERA 2 runs lower on the road. Innings he needs to build, good stretch I see in his future. Thanks, Yoda.

Josh Outman (KC vs. Duffy, SF vs. Cain) Seems like Oakland has a series of plug and play pitchers that keep them in games. Low K potential. The Coliseum helps anyone outperform because of its wasted space, which is getting its own home and garden show.

Alex Cobb (@Det vs. Coke, Fla vs. Nolasco) Stays in rotation, for now, until Niemann is better from his boo-boo. Never going to be an ace, but should be a decent fill-in guy for AL only or deep leagues in the future. Needs to stop with the free passes to be effective.

Mike Pelfrey (@Pit vs. Maholm, Ana vs. Chatwood) Previously lambasted by the Buccos. Is usually aided by the confines of Flushing. Gives up way too many hits to be a consistent fantasy contributor. Based on match-ups it’s worth a shot.

Aaron Cook (SD vs. Moseley, Det vs. Verlander) Lunch pail, deep end of the pool pitcher. Only desperation and a start at Petco make him special. Well, what do ya know? He has neither this week. If he really is a cook, then thousands die from food poisoning.

Carlos Villanueva (Bal vs. Britton, @Cin vs. Arroyo) Chuck New House is still undefeated as a SP. Toronto has been killing the ball and last time I checked run support is important. LH batting .155 against.

Paul Maholm (NYM vs. Pelfrey, @Cle vs. Carrasco) A victim of fantasy unfairness. Run support. Still sports an ERA under 3.40 and only has 2 wins to show for his efforts. ERA at 2.45 at home and BAA is a low .223.

Jason Vargas (Ana vs. Haren, Phi vs. Hamels) Is on the cusp of fantasy legitimacy and then this week happens, 2 starts against two top ten pitchers. Previous mastery of Angels helps his cause for an add this week, Philly start makes me regret what I just typed.

Bronson Arroyo (@CHC vs. Dempster, Tor vs. Villanueva) Named after Charles Bronson, and all along I thought he was named after the “Perfect Strangers” guy, who knew? Falls into the same category as Wolf as guys who are always at the top of the waiver wire but are never on a team long.

Josh Collmenter ARI (SF vs. Cain, CHW vs. Floyd) His ERA is barely enough to buy an ice cream, 1.11. His numbers scream out luck, but why not take advantage of a good thing while it lasts; his pitching not the ice cream. Though I was thinking the same thing.

News comes that Dustin Pedroia might need surgery on his knee that could sideline him for at least a month.  Knee surgery sounds like something that sidelines people for multiple months, even Sparky Anklebiters.  Though sometimes Sparky Anklebiters can get so amped with leave-it-all-on-the-fieldness that they lose sight of the big picture and rush back too soon.  You know, they try to chew through the cone around their head and don’t heal properly.  We know you’re scrappy, Dustin, stop biting on your paw!  If he rushes and comes back in July, then he could miss a few more weeks with a setback.  Basically, what I’m saying is, you want him to just get sidelined for two months and come back healthy in August.  It’s not like what he was giving you now can’t be replaced.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Anthony Rizzo – The San Diego Padres have something to be excited about.  No, Tony Gwynn didn’t announce he’s becoming a competitive eater.  No, they didn’t put a giant afro on the Western Metal Supply Co. building and rename it Kyle Blanks Auditorium.  They called up Anthony Rizzo!  Today.  Supposedly.  When I say, “Exciting,” you say, “Padres!”  Exciting… Padres!  Exciting…Padres!  Unexciting…Padres!  Fooled you.  Rizzo’s in the same ginormous boat as every other hitter that plays at Petco.  It’ll hurt his power, but he should still be able to hit some bombs.  For the rest of the year, I’ll conservatively give him 17 homers and a .250 average.  He’s capable of a bit more power and a lot less average.  But, as with most rookies, you take the flyer on upside and hope he pans out.  That’s me, Grey “Fantasy Master Lothario” Albright, telling you to go pick him up in every league.  Yeah, even that one.  And that one too.

Dustin Moseley – Left yesterday’s game with a non-throwing shoulder injury.  Remember, Padre fans — Rizzo!

Brett Lawrie – Has a fractured hand, no relation to Brad.  Now he won’t be up until around August.  I’d go ahead and drop him in redraft leagues, unless you’re not paying attention to your team but still reading this, which seems odd but I appreciate your enthusiasm.

Adam Lind – 4 home runs in 5 games.  Yeah, he can get to 35 home runs this year.  You Gotta Believe isn’t just a title of a Marky Mark album.

Danny Espinosa – A Cain pitch hit Espinosa on the hand causing visible pain. You know what’s worse than a .218 hitter?  A .218 hitter nursing a hand injury.

Matt Cain – 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks.  As Cain did everything you could ask for, Barry Zito Foursquared from a bathtub (<–PNSFWUYWAAPPC — Potentially Not Safe For Work Unless You Work At A Porn Production Company)

Brandon Crawford – 2-for-3 with a caught stealing, which is whatever but it’s always good to see guys at least trying to give some fantasy value.  In other Brandon Crawford news, Bochy says he’ll continue to start when Sandoval returns next week.  That means Tejada has about a week to strengthen his case for the Hall of Fame.

Mike Carp – M’s manager said Carp would only see 3-4 starts per week.  To get dyslexic on you, crap.

Pedro Alvarez – Tweaked his strained right quad resulting in a setback in his rehab.  Vote for Pedro…as the lamest 3rd baseman in 2011.  Both definitions of lame work.

Paul Maholm – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now has a 3.39 ERA on the year, a 1.18 WHIP and a terrible walk to strikeout ratio.  I actually own Maholm in one league, which is a little scary since I’m not sure Maholm would own himself in a fantasy league.

Andrew McCutchen – 3-for-5 with his 10th home run, a walk off blast, which gave Daniel McCutchen the win.  Then the Pirates played ‘We Are Family’ and everyone hugged.  Elias Sports Bureau said this was the first time a player hit a walk-off homer to give someone with the same last name the win.  Actually, they didn’t say that.  But something that was overheard recently at the Elias Sports Bureau compound, “Bill, in human resources, smells of onions for a record five straight days.”

Zach Duke – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K.  Good (for Duke) start.  Through 126 1st half innings in 2009, he had a 3.29 ERA, so he is capable of an extended run of decent starts.  But sometimes you take Zach Duke to the cashier and she rings you up for six innings and five earned runs.

Joba Chamberlain – To the DL with a flexor strain.  Someone went too heavy on the shake weight.  As Joba’s drug dealing mom would tell you, “Smoke the shake, don’t shake the weight.”

Alexi Ogando – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He dedicated his non-regression to all the nerds that know what FIP stands for.

Aaron Cook – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He’s back and healthy.  And that’s where the positivity ends.

Eric Young Jr. – Did not start.  I like him better than Gordon, but — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — Dee Gordon is starting.  You gotta go with the starter.

Bud Norris – 8 IP, 1 ER, 1 Hit, 5 Walks, 2Ks.  Bud Norris can punch a cyclops between the eyes.

Jason Bourgeois – 2-for-5 with his 14th steal as he finally got the start.  It’s almost as if the manager forgot how good he was before his injury.  Play Bourgeois, you capitalist pig!

Justin Masterson – 8 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  His sister, Mary Stuart, must have pumped him up for this start.  Obviously she was more of a help for him than for her boyfriend last year on the Dodgers, Eric Stults.

Cord Phelps – 0-for-4, was called up by the Indians and started at 2nd base.  Cord has solid plate discipline and a lot of can’t-put-your-finger-on-it-ness.  Pretty average power and speed.  Outside of AL-Only leagues, you’re grasping at straws right now if you go for a roll in the hay with him.

Ben Revere – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th steal.  But it came at the expense of my Masterson.  Damn you, Ben Revere.  Why can’t you just be happy being a character in a Ben Affleck Masshole thriller?  You had to go and sully Masterson’s line.  Get it, Sully!  Revere’s looking like a decent deep league addition.  Shoot, he’s looking better than Span at this point, though that’s a bit of a ‘no compliment’ compliment.  He’s a player that I could see Gardy giving everyday playing time to even when Kubel and Thome return.

Justin Morneau – 1-for-4 to raise his average to .230.  Nice showing!  Everyone knows that all Canadians are robots.  Can’t Gardy reboot Morneau?  Or can they upgrade to the Vottomatic?

Michael Brantley – 3-for-5.  He’s hitting .295 on the year with 5 homers and 8 steals, i.e., he’s on pace for a Victorino type year — 100/10/60/.280/25.  Frankly, he should be getting more press from me.  He’s having a real solid fantasy 5th outfielder year.

Mark Reynolds – 2-for-3 with the slam & legs.  “Now, wait one second, Mini Donkeys don’t eat slam and legses,” said a’la Jimmy Stewart.  Not sure why, but his voice is stuck in my head.  Mr. Potter!  Reynolds does seem like he’s finally found his power stroke.  If anyone remembers his 2009, he can get blazing hot for extended periods of time.  Do keep in mind he only has 4 multiple hit games since April 13th, so his average may peak at .230.

Zach Britton – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Start anyone vs. the A’s.  You have my permission.

Reid Brignac – Finally, he hit his first home run of the year.  Geez, what a bust.  Billy Butler, “Please, that’s no bust.”

Jemile Weeks – 2-for-3 with 2 runs.  He was bumped down the order, but he is starting every day.  I’m farting in your general direction, Eric Young Jr.

Randy Wolf – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He’s actually been solid or terrible in every start.  5 IP, 4 ER start here; 7 IP, 1 ER start there.  If you’ve been able to stomach that, his overall numbers don’t look hideous.

Craig Kimbrel – 1 IP, 2 ER.  Speaking of waffling between great and awful… Pick a side, Joe Lieberman!

Prince Fielder – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and has now homered 6 times in June… Mmm…Did someone say waffling?

Jason Heyward – Glass Chipper told Heyward he needs to play hurt.  That wasn’t very Chipper of him to say.  He should change his name to Tough Love Jones.  Chipper added, “I was healthy for 11 days between 2000-2010 and that includes the offseason.  In fact, I just tweaked my oblique telling you Heyward should play hurt and I didn’t stop talking, did I?”

Kendrys Morales is out for another 6 months with surgery to remove scar tissue.  Who was the first surgeon to operate on him?  Dr. Nick Riviera?  Hey, boys and three girls!  Bummer for the Los Angeles Angels of Not Los Angeles County…I mean, hello, Trumbo.  Giddy up, snitches!  The Sciosciapath has to play Trumbo now, right?  I mean, probably.  Can’t put anything over on that sly fox.  And by ‘sly,’ I mean dumb.  And by ‘fox,’ I mean not a fox.  If you’re hurting for a corner man, this should be all the incentive you need to sound the Trumbo.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Grady Sizemore – It’s the return of Wounded Knee.  Sizemore went for an MRI for his knee pain.  In other news, water is wet, taco diarrhea burns and astronaut ice cream is delicious.  If you own Sizemore, consider therapy to find out why you keep trying to hurt yourself with your life choices.  “Why’s everyone in my living room?  I was just going to move Sizemore to my bench.”  “Billy, have you thought about trading Sizemore for a pitcher?”  “No!  He makes me feel special!  I hate all of you!”  “Why can’t you just do crank like your brother?!”  That’s you on the show Intervention when your family confronts you about your fantasy draft choices.  Now Sizemore’s MRI says (yes, the MRI talks) his knee is fine.  Right.  So let him play a few days, then you trade him.  He’s not going to run this year, so what do you have with Grady?  You have Beltran, Jason Kubel or a host of other some power, no speed outfielders.  You don’t have the 30/30 Sizemore of yesteryear (2008).

Ryan Braun – The Hebrew Hammer was removed from the game with an ankle contusion after he ran into an outfield wall.  Pending the seriousness of the injury, the wall may now be known as The Wailing Wall of Milwaukee.

Randy Wolf – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Was in last week’s post about pitchers that should see a correction, and yesterday the Padres dropped a whole bottle of White-Out on his stats.

Jason Bartlett – 4-for-6, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, 2 steals, 2 Girls, 1 Cup.

Chris Denorfia – 3-for-4, home run and is hitting .370.  He doesn’t really play every day, but he should. (Really, compared to playing Will Venable every day anyone seems like an upgrade.)

Cameron Maybin – 4-for-6, 2 runs and 2 RBIs.  That’s so Maybin!

Tim Stauffer – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  After not feeding a hodgepadre after midnight, what’s the next most important rule?  Don’t start them in away games.

Edinson Volquez – 4 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Guys and three girl readers, I want to formally apologize, or apologise if you use the Queen’s oldfangled spelling, for pushing anyone to draft this schmohawk.  When you can’t go into Houston and pitch well, you’re meat.  Now hang this jerky out to dry.

Drew Stubbs – The King of Slam & Legs doffed his crown and screamed, “As you were, peasants!”

Al Alburquerque – 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Santa K, even you’ve turned on me?  For shame.  *shakes fist at the sky*  For shame!

Geovany Soto – His strained groin has forced him to the DL.  Sounds like an injury that would sideline a porn actress.

Matt Garza – He’ll be mentioned in this afternoon’s post about pitchers who should be better.  It’s an extravaGarza!

Felix Hernandez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  F-Her should’ve had a nine inning O face against the Orioles.  Probably just teaching us a lesson for drafting him in the 2nd round.

Adam Jones – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs.  He’s hitting .286 with 5 homers and 4 steals on the year.  That, friend, was a surprise to me because I swear I get at least 4 comments a day about dropping him.  He’s on a 25/15 pace.  That’s Pence-ish.  What’s the major malfunction here?

Hiroki Kuroda – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  You know how you say reliable in Japanese?  Toyota.  But it could be Kuroda.

Hong-Chih Kuo – To the DL with an anxiety disorder.  Maybe you get to take days off for this shizz in Taiwan, but where I come from, we bottle up our emotional issues and play like crazy until we have a heart attack and die prematurely.

Matt Joyce – 2-for-5, back-to-back games with a homer while batting .358.  Sure, it won’t last but that matters?  Rhetorical!

David Price – 8 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  You know who is annoyed he avoided Price this year?  This guy!

Scott Baker – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Ream me up Scotty!

Matt Capps – 1 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Nathan hasn’t given up a run in almost two weeks.  Um, that’s only three appearances. Not now, Random Italicized Voice.

Jason Kubel – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer.  Prolly a tad late on talking about Kubel.  I’m *pinkie to mouth* Kubelated.  Not sure what eggs you got in your outfield basket, but right now Kubel’s a good egg.  Usually, I find he has salmonella.  (BTW, I’m waiting for someone to name their daughter Salmonella.  Hopefully it doesn’t then go viral.)

Eric Hosmer – He hit his 1st homer.  Guess what else?  *taps finger, scratches chin, trims mustache, plucks nose hair*  Give up?  He’s batting third!

A.J. Burnett – 7 IP, 6 baserunners (1 Hit), 6 Ks.  Now has an ERA of 3.38.  Quite a change from Ass Jack’s 2010.  His walk-rate is in the vicinity it was the last time he had a respectable year, so it’s possible he keeps it going.  (Relatively, he’s not more than a 3.75 ERA pitcher.)

Ryan Madson – Recorded his 5th save, has an ERA of 0.60.  “That whole ‘he doesn’t have what it takes to close’ thing was an obvious motivational tactic.  Dur.” That’s what the Phils pitching coach will say any day now.

Leo Nunez – 1 IP, 2 ER.  As we learned last August, when Nunez goes south, he goes monkey-fightin’ south fast.  Mike Dunn would be the handcuff.  Then if he gets the job, after every save you can scream, “Mmm…Dunn!” and throw your mitt in the air like Jesse Orosco, because you wear a glove to watch baseball games, even at home.

Scott Podsednik – Blue Jays release Pods, hope to retain his wife.

Rajai Davis – 4-for-4 with his 2nd game in a row with 2 steals.  Somebody’s got the fever for the SAGNOF!

Craig Kimbrel – 1 IP, 2 ER with the blown save.  I love you, Kimbrel, so why do you hate the ones you love?

Ian Desmond – 2-for-6 with 2 steals to bring his total up to 12.  Wow, is he gonna go 10/30 this year?  Cause that would be huge.  (Be even nicer if he hit .270.  But that’s quibbling!  Or is it?!  No, actually it’s not.  Seriously, get to .270.)

Miguel Cabrera – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs when he was ejected for arguing with the home plate ump.  Went something like this, “Taste great!” “Less filling!”  Well, you know Miggy — he always wants to stick around after the last call.

In honor of Cinco de Mayo, I won’t mention it again because I don’t know what it means other than most bars have deals on tequila shots.  What I will talk about is the pitchers that are getting lucky thus far according to their xFIP.  If you don’t know what the xFIP I’m talking about.  Read the following:  xFIP — stands for Expected Fielding Independent Pitching.  It’s basically ERA without those pesky fielders helping or hurting you.  It’s a pure ERA.  It’s like when you go to the Supercuts and then you don’t want to shower for like 2 weeks because you’ll never get your hair styled again like Jeffrey does it.  It’s your hair right after Jeffrey styles it and before you wash it.  That’s xFIP.  Okay, so let’s take a Exhibit A pitcher, who has an ERA of 2.75, but his xFIP is a 6.75.  A -4.00 difference.  That means he’s been very lucky and there’s a good chance his ERA is going to go way up.  So here’s a list of pitchers with the biggest difference between their actual ERAs and their xFIPs for the first month or so of the fantasy baseball season. (If your guy’s on the list, it’s not a great sign.)

Dustin Moseley – -2.21.  I’d still continue to throw him in Petco-sponsored games, but I’d be careful about his away games.  At some point, he’s gonna look like Dustin Diamond.

Alexi Ogando – -1.89.  “His stuff is soooooo nasty!”  That’s you.  Soooooo, why is his K-rate soooooo whatever?  Ogando’s men LOB% is off the charts silly and his BABIP is abnormal like those cylinder hamburgers that rotate at 7-11.

Josh Tomlin – -1.57.  It is a total shocker to see Lily’s kid on this list of the luckiest pitchers.  Only because I’m surprised I even bothered mentioning him.

Zach Britton – -1.53.  Not surprising to me since he doesn’t strikeout anyone (4.78 K/9).  Throw in a terrible division and he’s going to hit the roofie skids at some point.  Caveat emptor for our Latin friends.

Kevin Correia – -1.45.  Wait, Correia actually sucks?  C’mon!  Get outta town, Grey!

Justin Masterson – -1.42.  Well, you knew his ERA wouldn’t stay in the low 2′s, at least you should’ve known.  But since his xFIP is 3.67, he could be usable going forward.  At least that’s what I want to tell myself since we actually own him in a league.

Tom Gorzelanny – -1.38.  To nerdify Shakira, his BABIPs lie, which has his WHIP at a redonkulous level.

Jeremy Guthrie – -1.29.  This post is kinda like shooting fish in a barrel.  Of course, Guthrie isn’t a 3.00 ERA pitcher.  Sorry to his fantasy owners and family.

Randy Wolf – -1.23. Since Wolf’s xFIP is only 3.62, I wouldn’t be as concerned.  If you get a 3.62 from Wolf, you’d take that all day long and twice on Muesday.

Trevor Cahill – -1.23.  Since I don’t own him anywhere, I look forward to the team from White-Out dropping correction fluid all over his stats.