Yesterday, Bob Feller told a story about how he once threw 117 MPH while urinating. He went on to talk about Triscuits and where he left his teeth. When he came back around to baseball, he said no one’s throwing a 1.15 ERA, even that guy with no hair. Once again, the old Feller has forgotten more than you could ever know. To paraphrase EPMD, last night Ubaldo Jimenez had his ERA tooken. He gave up 6 earned runs in 5 and two-thirds innings. It’s no crime to be hit by the Red Sox in Coors and you had to expect the ERA was going to come up at some point. All things considered, he K’d 7 and walked no one vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Alexei has a new comrade with Dayan Viciedo being called up by the White Sox. He’s the Latin 20, Cuban defector that has 240 pounds of baby fat, if, in fact, he is a baby. As I said back last November, “What I’d really like to see is a major leaguer go to Cuba to play. Kevin Youkilis grows out his beard another five inches, jumps in a raft and paddles to Havana. He tears up the Cuban Leagues on a steady diet of fastballs and plantains.” Wait, that quote had nothing to do with Dayan. Oh, here’s the quote, “In his first year of the minors at Double-A, he had a .317 OBP with 89 Ks to 23 walks. He can probably have success with this approach, because he do what he do. His line drive percentages went up in the 2nd half of the year, showing he was making better contact.” And that’s me quoting me! This year in Triple-A, he made progress. In 238 ABs, 30/14/34/.290/1. His Ks are still out of control with 52 in 62 games. Because of his position eligibility (3rd base, Serch), I grabbed him in a few leagues. I’d expect decent power (15 homers) and a mediocre average (.250) with little to no speed. On rookie 3rd basemen pickups, he’s below Pedro Alvarez for right now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mark Buehrle – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The other day I looked at the pitchers that were getting lucky for fantasy baseball. Today, we hold that up to the mirror and see how the other half lives. You know, the losers that should be winners. The Jon Cryer’s. Or is he just a loser? How about these guys are the Ronald Miller’s? They’re going to go from total geek to total chic. These pitchers are either not leaving men on base at a normal rate and/or they’re giving up hits like there’s 7 Pat Burrells behind them. They couldn’t get lucky with a bottle of Rumplemintz and Lindsay Lohan. But that could all change. Anyway, here’s a list of pitchers with the biggest difference between their xFIP and their ERA.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Javier Vazquez touched you in your no-no area for two months to the point where just looking at his name made you crawl up into a ball and cry, but yesterday he flirted with a no-no for seven innings. He held the 1927 Blue Jays to only one hit, a home run by HGH Wells. (In a strange twist, Bautista didn’t homer, but he did have sex with your wife. Don’t shoot the messenger!) So can Javier Vazquez now be trusted? The better question is did anyone really think he was the 8 ERA pitcher he was showing in April and May? Come on, this is baseball. It’s a sport of aberrations from day-to-day and week-to-week and month-to-month, but, in the end, people find their level. Vazquez is more or less a 4.50 ERA pitcher in the AL. So you need some months of dreckitude surrounded by some months of usability. Vazquez is still walking too many guys and, other than him striking out 9 Blue Kays yesterday and the Suckie-O’s the game before, his Ks have been down. So usable, but don’t expect a full return of 2009 Vazquez. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Stanton – He’s coming up on Tuesday. Can you hear that? It’s my heart going pitter patter. Put your ear up to the computer monitor, you’ll hear it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
On short rest, Randy Wells went five innings, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. Oh, and I’m drunk. Don’t know what that has to do with anything, but I thought you should know for the following. I love Randy Wells! There, I said it. He’s striking out hitters and keeping walks to a minimum. His FIP is saying he’s been unlucky, even if he was outpitched by Ohlendorf. Will the person with the license plate “O Da Dorf,” please move their car? Hmm… Maybe I should sleep off my buzz before doing the roundup? Nah…If Hemingway can write The Sun Also Rises drunk, I can write a roundup. The EL Camino with the license plate “O Da Dorf” is parked on the front lawn with its engine running. We’re gonna have to ask you to move that… Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Andrew Cashner – The Cubs called him up. Stephen literally just went over him in a Scouting the Unknown. You heard stick and move. Try click and skim.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Saul Rivera, who is surprisingly not related to Eli Whiteside, was acquired by the Diamondbacks. Big shakes, huh? Yeah, Rivera could get into the mix for saves. Another potential candidate for saves is… Wait for it… Here it comes… It’s here somewhere… Where are my notes… Oh, here they are… That’s my freakin’ shopping list, and I didn’t even spell minestrone right… Oh, here… Aaron Heilman! Not sure how the D-Backs are going to have a bullpen of Saul and Heilman. Sounds like the outtakes for Schlinder’s List. Saul walks 3 batters and turns the game over to Heilman. Heilman enters and says, “I pardon you, Saul.” Heilman will probably get exploited for being, well, not so good and having small fingers, but Qualls is close to getting removed from the closer role. Right now, Heilman’s the setup man and he gave up a run yesterday. The Diamondbacks also dropped Bob Howry. Why? Because. Oh, and there’s Juan Gutierrez. That’s not a closerousel, THIS IS A CLOSEROUSEL! I’d own Qualls and Heilman. Gutierrez and I, we’re like Kramer vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In one article about Mike Stanton in The Miami Herald, a longtime season ticket holder, Fran, was asked if any player every matched Stanton’s sheer mollywhopping, pony sticking ability. The gist is no. Fran, at 85, had seen them all too. About Randy Johnson, Fran was quoted as saying, “Wild as any turkey ever got to be. He had that hair, and when he pitched and got sweaty, he had the nastiest head of hair you ever seen.” Now if I worked as a reporter for The Miami Herald, I’d make sure I had at least one quote from Fran in every article. If I could somehow find someone to match her quotey-ness, I’d say the quote was “frantastic.” If another reporter asked me to read their piece and they lacked a Fran quote, I’d say it’s not franny enough. Can we get a interview with Fran? Or should I just call up any retirement home in Miami-Dade County and interview anyone I get on the phone about the Marlins prospects? Mrs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Derek Holland is not officially a rookie, but that doesn’t mean he might not roofie you. Pitching in and out of the rotation last year, he had some real ulcer-inducing starts. I know, I have the internal scars to prove it. Oh, Mylanta! Though his xFIP was better than his actual ERA. I know, too bad your league isn’t all fussy with an xFIP category. Holland’s a plus-plus strikeout guy. In the hitter-friendly PCL, he had a 37:7 K:BB rate and a 0.93 ERA. He’s homer-prone and in Arlington that is a recipe for turd nuggets. I’m much more aggressive about grabbing young hitters than young pitchers. Hitters give you an 0-for-34 and you punt. A pitcher gives you a 2 IP, 7 ER start and that causes you to punch a random stranger and then next thing you know some guy named Bubba is fitting you for a teardrop tattoo. See how quickly that spiral spun downward? Ask Lawrence Taylor, he’ll tell you. So I didn’t grab Holland anywhere, but I would in the right circumstances, as long as you monitor where you start him. His first two outings are set for the A’s and Angels. That’s a “Yes, please” and “Don’t mind if I do.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Johnny Cueto – 9 IP, 1 hit shutout with 8 Ks as he dropped his ERA to 4.07 on the season. And there’s why I liked him so much in the preseason. If he’s out there in your league, own him, in the non-biblical sense.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last week, I looked at the pitchers that were getting lucky for fantasy baseball. This week, we hold that up to the mirror and see how the other half lives. You know, the unlucky ones. These guys are either not leaving men on base at a normal rate and/or they’re giving up hits like there’s 7 Pat Burrells behind them. They couldn’t get lucky with a gingie stache, a chicken wing and a drunk Margo Adams. But that could all change. Anyway, here’s a list of pitchers with the biggest difference between their xFIP and their ERA.Please, blog, may I have some more?