Fantasy Baseball Advice

Chris Narveson, his name makes me think of the insurance guy from Groundhog Day.  Am I right or am I right-right?  His name also would sound good recited by Chris Cornell.  Chris Narveson, won’t you come and wash away the rain?  Won’t you come.  Won’t you come.  Narveson was in my top 80 starters.  Let’s see what I said there, “Hmm… I don’t remember and I’m too lazy to click on the link to the actual blurb.  No one actually reads stuff I quote from myself so I’m gonna pretend I just explained Narveson to a T.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Yesterday, he had the line of 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He’s also 29 years old, so I’d preach a bit of caution.  He’s good for Ks (7+ K/9), dangerous on walks and around a 4.00 ERA starter in the NL.  So that’s good, meh, serviceable.  In any league deeper than 12 team, he should be owned.  In 12 team leagues, I’d take the flyer where I had room.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Rickie Weeks – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer in 4 games.  On one hand, I’d sell him.  On the other hand, who are you selling him for?  On my third lesser known hand, I’m wearing a puppet while talking out of the corner of my mouth.

Brandon Beachy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  It’s full steam ahead.  I.e., pick him up, snitches!

Craig Kimbrel – 1 IP, 3 Ks and the save.  Rawr!  That is all.

Rick Porcello – 5 IP, 5 ER.  Porcello dropped a mushroom cloud.  I own Porcello in my Fantasy Razzball league.  You know, the league where you want the worst players.  That’s what I think of him.  I do hear Porcello is a fungi!

Miguel Cabrera – 0-for-4, played yesterday but he was throwing up during the game.  Liquor before beer, man.  C’mon!

Will Rhymes – 2-for-3, and his first major league steal.  He can steal 25 of them if he plays in 130+ games.  SAGNOF!  And he appreciates the finer things in life.

Andrew McCutchen – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer as The Dread Pirate returned to the lineup.  This season is when McCutchen goes 20/40 and becomes a top outfielder.

Neil Walker – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and hitting .412.  For what it’s Wuertz, Walker is the player who ended up on the most teams owned by Rudy and me.

Joel Hanrahan – Member when you wouldn’t draft him last week because he wasn’t good in Spring Training?  Yeah, Hanrahanananananan has 3 saves and a zero ERA.

Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He was in last week’s Buy and I do like him, but he also gave up 5 walks in this game.  Wildly effective can quickly become “Holy eff in the effhole what is Morton doing to my ratios?”

Alfonso Soriano – 2-for-3 with his 2nd homer in two days.  Guys and three girl readers, he’s been hitting well in April for a few years now.  Don’t act too school for cool about picking him up.

Randy Wells – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  I actually liked him last year and he abused my trust pretty badly, but there’s a heart under this rugged, mustachioed exterior that has learned how to forgive.  I’d give Wells a chance in 14+ team leagues, but his WHIP tends to be high even though he doesn’t walk a whole lot of hitters.

Willie Bloomquist – Is Stephen Drew getting Pipp’d out?  1 HR and 3 SB already for Bloomquist.  Definitely unexpected from the Arizona bench in which the only thing supreme about it is it sounds like the Supreme Court (Bloomquist, Roberts — can they trade for Clete Thomas, Adam Kennedy or Jon Jay?).  This is probably self-evident but don’t touch Bloomquist unless you’re using a 12-team NL pole.

Milton Bradley – 3-for-4 and hitting third.  Sure, playing with Milton Bradley is unsafe for ages 12 and over, but batting third adds fantasy value.

Erik Bedard – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Best thing I can say about this start is he walked away without injury.

Nelson Cruz – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer.  He’s going 40/20 if he can stay healthy, but that if has its own postal code.

Elvis Andrus – 1-for-4 and Elvis left the building for the first time since Michael Jackson died.  Yo, legends mourn legends.  If Andrus goes 10/40 this year, you’re gonna appreciate me ranking him about fifty spots before all other ‘perts.  Yeah, I love the Rangers offense.  Deal with it.

Derek Holland – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  What I don’t love is Ranger pitchers (except Neftali — I ain’t mad at cha!).  Holland’s a decent enough flyer in deep leagues, but I’d be careful.

Jorge Posada – 1-for-3 with his third homer.  Posada’s agent, “I told you the DH was a good move!”

Ivan Nova – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Whatevs, I wouldn’t touch him.

Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  For now, I wouldn’t touch Arrieta outside of AL-Only leagues and, even there, I probably wouldn’t own him.  In 100 1/3 IP last year, he had a 4.66 K/9.  That was 11th worst in the league.  It can get better, but I’d prefer to see it happen before I go near him.

Jeremy Guthrie – Has pneumonia.  The p is silent as in pwhatever.

Ryan Theriot – 1-for-5 with his first steal.  Has made 2 errors this season and scouts aren’t enamored with his defense.  I never thought I’d say this but Brendan Ryan had a lot of fantasy baseball value last season.  For STL pitchers that is.  Carpenter, Garcia, and Westbrook are all ground ball pitchers.  Downgrading on SS defense would seemingly be the last thing you’d want to do.  Oh well, at least us fantasy baseballers get to enjoy Theriot’s mediocre offense.

Matt Holliday – He’s saying that he doesn’t need a DL trip and can return in a week.  He’s kinda sexy and I kinda love him.  Get well soon, Mr. Holliday!  That’s me filling out the card for the edible arrangement I’m sending him.  Don’t judge!

Give that dog a bone!  Wait, what?  Yesterday, Nick Blackburn went 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Usually after a team clinches their division, they wake up like it’s Ash Wednesday and they were on Bourbon Street for Fat Tuesday.  Not dem Twinkies, I tell ya! (Well, who else is telling you?  Am I right?  Or am I right right?)  Even with their B lineup, they made the Indians look C.  (Hehe, I said looksie!  Twice now.)  Blackburn was in last week’s borderline starter post twice (a new one comes this afternoon) and he hasn’t had a bad start since July.  You know what you should do with Blackburn?  Powder him in sugar and dunk him in my coffee? Are you drunk, random italicized voice?  *lowers eyes*  No. You should grab him for his next start vs. the Royals, but my enthusiasm for Blackburn doesn’t run deep if you can fathom that.  (pun point!)  Blackburn has around a 3.5 K/9.  To use the parlance of Johnnie Cochran, that’s egregious.  That’s an inning for Carlos Marmol.  Blackburn gets more bat contact than a wannabe-WAG.  When Twins fans go to a Nick Blackburn start, they bring so few K signs that they look racist.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Hanley Ramirez – Sat out yesterday as Hanley wasn’t feeling very manly.  You know what makes me feel manly?  Rubbing banana pudding on my chest and running through the zoo.  The Marlins are hinting Hanley’s gonna be shutdown for the year.  I’ve been hinting that for the last three days.

Carlos Carrasco – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Hasn’t had one bad start since his recall and gets the Tigers next.

Juan Pierre – 2-for-3 and his 60th steal.  I am the King of SAGNOF!  Now get me my mead!  And maybe a crumpet.

Chris Carter – 1-for-3 with his first major league homer.  Oh, it’s on!  Or at least it will be in the offseason when I pimp this guy out with my fantasy bedazzler.

Brett Anderson – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K.  The injuries helped bring his value back to earth for next year’s draft.  It’ll be a nice buy opportunity or my name isn’t Grey “Left Eye” Albright.

Brad Ziegler – Blew the save but that was because Breslow has been used the last few days and Wuertz’ thumb huertz.

Sean Burnett – Got the save as Storen was either out with ‘he threw on Tuesday’ or ‘he wasn’t good on Tuesday or Sunday.’  One’s good, two’s not, three’s company.

Danny Espinosa – 2-for-4 with his 5th homer.  In his short career, he’s had more ups and downs than Mattingly and Morganna in the summer of ’85.  As pointed out whenever that was I pointed it out, Espinosa K’d a lot in the minors and that makes for a hitter that’s streaky like Bret Boone’s hair.

Michael Morse – 1-for-3 with his 2 homer in 4 days.  It’s like the Nats grow Josh Willinghams in the outfield.

Adam Dunn – Left the game after being hit on the elbow by a pitch.  He said it was the “most pain I’ve ever had in baseball.  Even more than that time I slide into home with four cheesesteaks in my back pocket.  Actually that was awesome.”  Dunn said he should be good by tomorrow.

Roy Oswalt – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 1 Walk, 8 Ks, No Win.  Bleeping motherbleeper!

Max Scherzer – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks.  I’m not sure yet where he’s going to be drafted next year, but I’m taking a ticket and getting in line.

Ryan Raburn – 2-for-3, hitting over .300 in the last week with 2 homers.  2 more starts at 2nd base and he gets eligibility there for next year.  Somebody kidnap Will Rhymes for two days.  Please and thank you.

Pedro Alvarez – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs.  So far in his career, he’s only hit one homer that wasn’t followed by several more.  It’s a shot in the dark, but Alvarez might be a big play for the next week.

Carlos Beltran – 3-for-5 and his 5th homer.  I doubt I touch him even next year.  Metco, aging guy who was adding value with speed that is now declining and injury-prone.  Belchtran.

Jose Lopez – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and 3 homers.  Nice of you to show up one game this year.

Randy Wells – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Giants.  I was thinking this might be a decent start, but Wells has been all over the map this year, so it’s tough to recommend him. With that said, i.e., here comes the opposite, he goes to Petco in his next start, then gets the Astros.

Joey Votto – Out of the lineup again with a sinus infection.  Who is he, Felix Unger?

Johnny Cueto – 1 1/3 IP, 8 ER.  That one’s for LaRue.

Prince Fielder – Brewers scored 13 runs and Fielder went 0-for-2 with one run and RBI.  Ticker tease!  Though it’s been like a ticker season.

Dan Johnson – 1-for-4 with his 4th homer in the last week.  Can he stay hot for another week plus?  Can a pig fly?  Yes, with a catapult.  Guess what I’m saying is it’s possible and worth a shot.

Evan Longoria – 2-for-4 with his 22nd homer to go along with 15 steals.  Wait, I know that impression!  It’s David Wright.  Pretty sad when the big power guys in the league have 22 homers and 15 steals.  Did they start testing for HGH and no one told me?

Carlos Pena – Sounds like he might get some extended rest heading into the ‘offs.  Back date this to the last time he was hot, which was like 3 months ago.

Stephen Drew – 1-for-3 with the always tasty slam & legs.  That’s back-to-back games with steals and he’s hitting over .300 in the last week.  Okay, it’s not much, but for Drew it’s practically MVP numbers.

Kelly Johnson – Now has two homers in two games and 4 homers this week.  In like a lion, out like a lion.

Tim Stauffer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He gets the Cubs at home and the Giants in San Fran.  Since the Padres are battling for the playoffs, I’d grab Stauffer for next week.

Yadier Molina – Headed home to have his knee examined.  Tough blow for people in leagues that only use Molinas.

Pablo Sandoval – 0-for-2, .263 average on the year with 12 homers.  Kung F.U. Panda is more like it.

Chase Utley went 0-for-5 as he returned from the DL.  My favorite advice by fantasy ‘perts is when they tell you to get a returning superstar into your lineup.  Do people often leave their 1st round picks on the DL when they’re playing?  Is this something I need to tell people?  While you’re at it, get Pujols in your lineups too.  Oh, and put on some pants before you get arrested.  Another returning middle infielder with an oh-fer yesterday was Dustin Pedroia.  Scrappy Doo fought hard to come back early, so he might not be at his usual 110%, but at, say, 80% he’s Dustin Pedro and that’s enough for me.  The last man to recover from the 2010 Middle Infieluenza Epidemic was Martin Prado, who actually had some hits with a 3-for-5, 2 RBIs night.  [dur] Get them all in your lineup. [/dur]  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jacoby Ellsbury – Has a fractured rib.  Sounds like he’s donezo.  Just think, all the frustration you put up with this year owning him was your sacrifice for everyone who gets him cheaper next year.  Good karma to you.

Ryan Kalish – 1-for-4 with a grand slam.  With the D’Ellsbury situation, Kalish will play every day and he’s hitting .300 with 2 homers in 15 games.

Omar Infante – 2-for-4 with a steal even with Prado returning.  As predicted here (after I talked to my psychic), Infante is continuing to play (and hit).

Mike Minor – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  His changeup is nasty.  Don’t make me break up the word to emphasize it.  All right, fine!  His changeup is… Nas.  Tee.  He made Zimmerman look silly on a few pitches.  He won’t be in the rotation forever, but I’d own him while he’s there.  Get all over him in keepers.

Josh Willingham – The other white meat is out for the season with what they’re calling a bum knee.  Was he sleeping in a cardboard box?

Mike Leake – Heading to the bullpen to limit his innings this year.  But can’t Dusty now throw him every day?  Hmm…

Luke French – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Don’t even think about picking him up.  This was as good as it baguettes with French.

Matt Tuiasosopo – 2-for-4 with a homer.  Not much to see here other than the best last name that you can’t pronounce.

Curtis Granderson – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in four games after going 3-for-3 yesterday.  I’m a bit worried about even mentioning him because I know if you still own him, he’s probably on your bench.  If he’s in your lineup, you probably aren’t reading this.

Austin Jackson – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer.  I’ll be honest; I didn’t even think he’d be batting .300 as late as May 15th and he’s still at .302.  But, potatoes to chips, he’s also putting up 2nd baseman-ish numbers.

Brandon Morrow – 4 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Okay, so maybe he was still a little spent from his last game.

Coco Crisp – 3-for-4 with 2 steals.  Now has 18 steals in 46 games.  Member when Billy Beane was against steals?  Or maybe that was Brad Pitt.

Hisanori Takahashi – Jerry Manuel said Takahashi will be his closer.  He said that yesterday.  Obviously it could change tomorrow.  For now, Au Bon Japan!

Kila Ka’aihue – Had his 2nd 2-for-4 game in a row yesterday.  Not worth grabbing outside of deep leagues yet, but I’m watching him.

Gregor Blanco – 2-for-4 with his 4th steal in the last four games (though 3 of them came in one game).  The Royals are playing him and he might be trying to prove his worth on the basepaths.

Wilson Betemit – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in his last three games.  It’s feast or famine for a lot of these peasant Royals.

Pat Burrell – Hit his 11th homer after the Philly fans gave him a standing ovation.  I’d say it was a classy move, but I think it was “If You Slept With Pat The Bat You Get In For Free Night.”

Jose Guillen – 2-for-4 with his first homer as a Giant.  Poor Andres Torres has to play the entire outfield.

Angel Pagan – Was benched yesterday for Fernando Martinez because of Pagan’s extended slump.  In non-keeper leagues, it might be time to thank Pagan for his services and start looking elsewhere.

Ricky Nolasco – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Is it already that time of the year where he gets everyone’s hopes up for next year?  Prepare yourself for this March commenter, “Grey, check it, brah.  Nolasco’s sick.  March commenter out!”

Logan Morrison – 2-for-5, now hitting .400 in the last 7 games.  This is just my weekly check-in to say Morrison’s hitting for everything but power and the power will come.

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-3 with 2 steals.  The Rockies announced that Young will be playing every day and hitting leadoff.  That’s an immediate add across the board where you need steals from a middle infielder, which I imagine is just about everyone.

Jhoulys Chacin – 5 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He looked rusty then he got nailed.  I’d give Chacin another chance or at least hold him for another start on your bench.  Or you can just grab…

Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners (zero walks), 10 Ks.  Now has a 2.12 ERA in four starts since joining the Diamondbacks and 41 Ks in 45 1/3 innings.  In his upcoming starts, he’ll get the Rockies in Arizona, Giants, Astros and Giants again.  Looks good to me.

Will Venable – Member last week when I mentioned Venable in the SAGNOF post about cheap guys who can give steals?  No?  I don’t really either.  Neverthehoo!  Venable has 3 steals in his last two games and 5 in the last ten games.

Randy Wells – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Wells’ last four starts have gone like this… Quality start, 6 earned runs in 5 innings, quality start, 6 earned runs in 4 innings.  So that leads to… Ooh, Wells pitched great, I’m going to grab him.  Then you put him in for the 6 earned run game.  Dah!!!  So you bench him for his next quality start.  Then you think he’s fine and you put him back in there for the next shellacking.  Wells hates you.  Don’t shoot the messenger.

Matt Garza – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Another extravaGarza!  He’s been a rich man’s Wells for the last month as he alternates good and bad starts, as well.

Wilton Lopez – Astros’ General Mills said before yesterday’s game that Brandon Lyon would be the closer moving forward.  Naturally, Wilton Lopez gets the save.  Lopez hasn’t been bad this year and might get some saves here and there.  Brandon Lyon would still be my pickup if I were vulturing for saves.

Hunter Pence – 2-for-4 with 2 homers.  I feel like I haven’t talked much about Pence this year, but he’s been a solid #3 fantasy outfielder.  18 homers, 15 steals while batting .287.  I’ve seen shabbier.  Oh, and he’s hitting .455 over the last week.

Jim Thome – 3-for-5 and his 4th homer in the last week.  He could retire, return at 50 years old and still hit 20 homers.  If he didn’t have to walk back and forth to the plate, he’d probably hit 25 homers.  All that walking is for young folk.

Colby Rasmus – Out with a calf strain, won’t be back until Friday.  La Russa must be terribly upset about that strained calf.  Hopefully PETA talks him down.

You know that slo-mo video of Homer Simpson taking a cannonball off his belly?  This looked more painful. When Carlos Santana, the future of the Indians franchise, went down in this collision, his knee said, “I wish I were Joe Theismann’s knee.”  To stay in the world of The Simpsons, you can see the exact moment when Cleveland’s heart breaks.  Carlos Santana’s collision was like The Decision, Part II.  Only more ghoulish.  I’d be shocked if Santana’s back this year.  Hopefully, he’ll be fine for next year.  On the bright side, Cleveland, you’re still not Detroit.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Shelley Duncan – 4-for-5, 1 Run, 2 RBIs.  Surprised there weren’t any other injuries reported from Shelley Duncan high fives.  He’s always so intense.  Here’s him taking questions after the game.

Adrian Beltre – 2-for-3, 2 homers and 5 RBIs.  Ever wonder how Stonehenge was built?  Beltre did it in a contract year.

Kevin Youkilis – Day-to-day with a jammed thumb.  My grandmother used to make a delicious thumb jam.  I miss you, Minky!

John Lackey – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 14 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I dropped him about two starts ago.  He then went out and threw a shutout, then a quality start.  That gave someone confidence to pick him in my league and start him vs. the Indians.  Muahahahahahaha…

Trevor Cahill – 9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  His K:BB 73:41 in 125 2/3 IP isn’t good.  His xFIP is almost a run and a half worse than his ERA.  Yet, his 0.99 WHIP and 2.72 ERA make me wish he were beguiling me while I owned him.

Jeremy Hellickson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  I don’t know what the line looks like to you, but I watched 95% of this start.  Looked dominating through three and worked around a cheap walk and hit in the fourth, remaining composed.  With ease, he was hitting 92 and 93 with his fastball and controlling his off-speed pitches well.  He was also sent down right after the game.  If you’re out of it in keepers, I’d grab him right now and hold on.

B.J. Upton – 3-for-4 with 3 steals.  Well, if it ain’t the Bossman clocking in four months late.

Matt Joyce – 2-for-4 with 3 homers in the last week.  He’s not going to win any batting titles, but he does have pop and he’s playing every day.

Dan Wheeler – Got the save since Rafael Soriano had worked three days in a row.  Gives you a hint of where Qualls is in the pecking order.  See, the guy in the Buddy Holly glasses isn’t as dopey as he looks.

Carlos Pena – Was walking on crutches today.  No, it’s not a new dance craze, he has a sore foot.

Justin Morneau – Tried to hit in the cages but couldn’t do it.  It’s being speculated that he’s weeks away.  Just-Morn, indeed.

Matt Kemp – 5-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer.  Kemp collected more hits yesterday than he had collectively in the last 8 days.  He hasn’t had a crazy hot streak all year.  Now would work for me.  Get to it!

Travis Wood -7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks.  You didn’t need to be Ms. Cleo to know this was going to be a nice start for him vs. the Pirates.  I’d definitely own him going forward, just be ready to jump ship.

Orlando Cabrera – Left the game with a strained oblique and is headed to the DL.  Can’t wait until fifty years from now a player has a groundbreaking surgery to fix obliques and then it’s named after him.  Say the Ken Griffey Jr. Jr. Jr. Surgery.

Joey Votto – Sat out yesterday with a sore wrist.  Get well soon, Joey!

Joel Hanrahan – Entered a losing game in the 8th.  Take whatever you want from that.   Still think him and Meek are both vying.  Vie, baby, vie!

Rick Ankiel – 2-for-4 as he started vs. a lefty.  Cox may be playing Ankiel more than Melky because he’s a better fielder.  Doesn’t make Ankiel mixed league material yet, but it’s worth monitoring.

Randy Wells – 4 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I don’t believe he even wanted to pitch well for the last month.  He just wanted to build confidence up in me so he could do this to me.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, and why do you keep fooling me?  Are you mad at me or something?  It’s not cool.

Ryan Braun – 5-for-7, 3 Runs, 2 RBIs.  Prince Fielder; 5-for-7, 2 Runs, 5 RBIs.  McGehee; 2-for-5 with a homer.  Hart; 4-for-7.  Alcides; 3-for-5. Edmonds; 2-for-3… Even Counsell went 2-for-2.  Honestly, I’m not even sure how this game is over.  There doesn’t seem like there were enough outs made.  Did the Cubs forfeit?

Jake Westbrook – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Yes, this looks like a positive sign moving forward, but it was against the Astros.  I’d still be cautious outside of NL-Only leagues.

Sean Burnett – 1 2/3 IP and his first save.  Somehow Sean is the Burnett you want to own.  Go figure.  Or don’t.  Your choice.  Storen pitched 2 innings on Sunday and Burnett entered to face lefties originally.  He’s worth owning if you’re hurting for saves, but Burnett will be mostly a situational closer.

Chase Headley – 4-for-5, 3 Runs, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer.  Nicest thing Headley ever did was have this game on a short schedule day so I didn’t have him on my bench.

Yorvit Torrealba – 3-for-5 and batting near .600 over the last ten games.  I doubt it lasts forever, but if you just lost Santana, Yorvit’s hot.

Andrew Bailey – Won’t return when he’s eligible on Friday, but could return soon after.   If you think the only German words that have a place in baseball are bratwurst, sauerkraut, and lager, I hear ya, but I’d own Wuertz while Bailey mends.

Ryan Howard – Headed to Philly to be examined by doctors.  That’s a good sign in opposite world.  While in opposite world, you can pick up Lyle Overbay to be your first baseman.  He’s awesome!  Hopefully the doctors just need to prescribe some rest and cheese steak soup for Howard.

A.J. Burnett – 4 2/3 IP, 8 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  This might be news like, “and water is wet,” but Burnett’s unownable.

Nick Swisher – 2-for-5 and 2 homers.  He makes me almost want to add sideburns to my facial hair accoutrements.

The other day I looked at the pitchers that were getting lucky for fantasy baseball.  Today, we put on our miner’s helmet and pan for gold where the rest of the prospectors have abandoned.  In our last look at pitchers that should get better, I pointed out Gavin Floyd, Haren, Randy Wells, Edwin Jackson, Pineiro, Harang, Correia, Masterson, Peavy and Morrow.  Morrow’s ERA went from 6.52 in May to 3.35 in June/July, Floyd’s went 5.63 to 2.21, Haren went from 6.08 to 3.05, Edwin from 5.58 to 3.37… You get the idea.  Even Justin Masterson was better (barely).  You can argue that some of these guys had no place to go but down, but you’d be arguing with a computer screen.  You’re just reading my words, we’re not in the same room.  OR ARE WE?!  Anyway, here’s a list of pitchers with the biggest difference between their xFIP and their ERA. (If your guy is on the list, it’s a good sign.  Some would even say you could go out and trade for some of these guys, you educated fantasy baseball owner you!)

Francisco Liriano – 0.89.  There’s guys with bigger differences that I could’ve put first but A) Liriano’s xFIP is below 3.  Aw, sookie.  B) I own Liriano on a few teams and this is after all about numero uno.  C) B was already forced, there’s not going to be a C.

Scott Baker – 1.16.  You know what’s nice about Baker?  And by nice I mean extremely frustrating and annoying.  He pitches well and follows it up by lying in the corpse position as hitters kick dirt on him.  Pitch well or pitch terrible; don’t make me come back there!

James Shields – 1.32.  It is just like Shields to force me to say something about him in a favorable light when all I want is to pick up the world and drop it on his head.  I wouldn’t go out and trade for Shields, but if he were sitting on waivers I’d point and laugh… Then I’d pick him up after he apologized for last year.

Brandon Morrow – 0.93.  Smooches on his K-rate.  Squatting pooches on his walk rate.

Dan Haren – 0.92.  His stats should be better in the 1st half so you can argue he’s due to fare better….but he’s always worse in the 2nd half so he’s due to do worse…consider it a Catch Deux-Deux.

Randy Wells – 0.91.  During my Blue Period, I drank nothing but blueberry milkshakes and talked of nothing but Randy Wells’ eventual turn around.  The same mood can also be found in some of my early Jeremy Guthrie posts.  Now I feel like Baby Jessica whenever I look at Wells.