This is it, fellas and three girl readers. The last train is leaving the station. The giddy has just about got up and went. It’s your last chance and I’d throw every single pitcher, not just the ones I have listed here if it meant the difference in my league.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So it comes to this, the final countdown. Cue Lou Gramm and let that blaze through your head as you listen to that classic from Foreigner. If you read this in tune with that song, it’s almost like the Dark Side of the Moon/Wizard of Oz experience. You have to read fast though. I can’t believe the season is basically over as it seemed to fly by and I guess I missed all the fun. This week is extended by 3 additional days so basically every pitcher you can think of goes twice during championship week.Please, blog, may I have some more?
What a ridonkulous season from Melky Cabrera. Most of youse didn’t even draft him and here he is in September going 4-for-5 with his 18th homer, raising his average to .303 to go along with 18 steals. As they used to say in 14th century China, “Damn, Ming.” The spilled coffee on the saucer that then drips onto your dress shirt is I don’t trust this guy at all for next year. 18/18/.300 becomes 12/15/.275 very fast. Ask anyone that’s drafted The Big FraGu in the past. And 12/15/.275 is pretty much unusable in most mixed leagues. It’s the first guy off the team when there’s a hot pickup. So enjoy your Melk for now, but don’t throw away the non-dairy creamer. Hmm… That sounded better in my head. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Randy Wells - 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER. If you’re new to the site, you probably have no idea when I say donkeycorn, cyclops with a monocle, Cust kayin’, Sparky Anklebiter or a whole array of other gibberish. But, more importantly for this, you don’t know about my previous love affair with Randy Wells. During my Blue Period, I drank nothing but blueberry milkshakes and talked of nothing but Randy Wells’s eventual turn around. The same mood can also be found in some of my early Jeremy Guthrie posts. Then Randy Wells started pitching well recently. I grew excited. Not in that way. Then I thought about picking him up. Luckily, I didn’t. He’s the devil.Please, blog, may I have some more?
With Nelson Cruz hitting the DL (I’ll get to that schmohawk), the Rangers called up Leonys Martin. Martin could be a poor man’s Desmond Jennings, in other words he’ll be a 2nd ballot Hall of Famer, not 1st. Martin has breezed through the minor leagues, starting in the Rookie league, jumping to Double-A and finally hitting Triple-A. It’s called the “Julio Borbon-Endy Chavez-David Murphy Ain’t Doing Shizz From Shinola So We Need A Centerfielder” plan. Martin has plus-plus speed. Red Bull says Leonys gives them wings. He could develop some power down the road, but I wouldn’t expect more than a homer or two with this call-up. If you need speed in AL-Only or deeper keeper (hey, poet!) mixed leagues, I’d look at him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Nelson Cruz – Will be out for 3 weeks with his moans over his hammy. Any Nostradumbass could’ve told you he’d be hurt at some point this year, but, seriously, this guy gets injured at least once every two months. Let him play the field in a bubble. He’s now getting a platelet-rich plasma injection to stimulant the healing process. I think this was the same treatment they gave Caesar in Rise of the Planet of the Apes.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Some rejected titles for this post were, “Adam’s Appendix Is Dunn,” “Dunn’s Appendix Chooses Worst Of Three Outcomes,” and “Dunn Develops Killer App.” First Holliday, now Adam Dunn with a busted appendix. I heard if the doctor gets cold during the surgery, he’s going to snuggle inside Dunn like Luke did with his tauntaun. Big Donkey only needs 5 days to heal because he already had an axe scar in that area they could re-use. The turnaround time is so quick now on these surgeries that you have to wonder why it took the Twins so many years to remove their appendix (Nick Punto). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Quentin – 4-for-6, 3 RBIs, 2 Runs and his 2nd homer. He’s now hitting .500 on the year. If he can stay healthy, he can have a huge year. Though that if is the size of Dunn’s appendix.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Narveson, his name makes me think of the insurance guy from Groundhog Day. Am I right or am I right-right? His name also would sound good recited by Chris Cornell. Chris Narveson, won’t you come and wash away the rain? Won’t you come. Won’t you come. Narveson was in my top 80 starters. Let’s see what I said there, “Hmm… I don’t remember and I’m too lazy to click on the link to the actual blurb. No one actually reads stuff I quote from myself so I’m gonna pretend I just explained Narveson to a T.” And that’s me quoting me! Yesterday, he had the line of 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. He’s also 29 years old, so I’d preach a bit of caution. He’s good for Ks (7+ K/9), dangerous on walks and around a 4.00 ERA starter in the NL. So that’s good, meh, serviceable. In any league deeper than 12 team, he should be owned. In 12 team leagues, I’d take the flyer where I had room. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Rickie Weeks – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer in 4 games. On one hand, I’d sell him. On the other hand, who are you selling him for? On my third lesser known hand, I’m wearing a puppet while talking out of the corner of my mouth.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Give that dog a bone! Wait, what? Yesterday, Nick Blackburn went 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks. Usually after a team clinches their division, they wake up like it’s Ash Wednesday and they were on Bourbon Street for Fat Tuesday. Not dem Twinkies, I tell ya!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chase Utley went 0-for-5 as he returned from the DL. My favorite advice by fantasy ‘perts is when they tell you to get a returning superstar into your lineup. Do people often leave their 1st round picks on the DL when they’re playing? Is this something I need to tell people? While you’re at it, get Pujols in your lineups too. Oh, and put on some pants before you get arrested. Another returning middle infielder with an oh-fer yesterday was Dustin Pedroia. Scrappy Doo fought hard to come back early, so he might not be at his usual 110%, but at, say, 80% he’s Dustin Pedro and that’s enough for me. The last man to recover from the 2010 Middle Infieluenza Epidemic was Martin Prado, who actually had some hits with a 3-for-5, 2 RBIs night. [dur] Get them all in your lineup.Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know that slo-mo video of Homer Simpson taking a cannonball off his belly? This looked more painful. When Carlos Santana, the future of the Indians franchise, went down in this collision, his knee said, “I wish I were Joe Theismann’s knee.” To stay in the world of The Simpsons, you can see the exact moment when Cleveland’s heart breaks. Carlos Santana’s collision was like The Decision, Part II. Only more ghoulish. I’d be shocked if Santana’s back this year. Hopefully, he’ll be fine for next year. On the bright side, Cleveland, you’re still not Detroit. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Shelley Duncan – 4-for-5, 1 Run, 2 RBIs. Surprised there weren’t any other injuries reported from Shelley Duncan high fives. He’s always so intense. Here’s him taking questions after the game.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The other day I looked at the pitchers that were getting lucky for fantasy baseball. Today, we put on our miner’s helmet and pan for gold where the rest of the prospectors have abandoned. In our last look at pitchers that should get better, I pointed out Gavin Floyd, Haren, Randy Wells, Edwin Jackson, Pineiro, Harang, Correia, Masterson, Peavy and Morrow. Morrow’s ERA went from 6.52 in May to 3.35 in June/July, Floyd’s went 5.63 to 2.21, Haren went from 6.08 to 3.05, Edwin from 5.58 to 3.37… You get the idea. Even Justin Masterson was better (barely). You can argue that some of these guys had no place to go but down, but you’d be arguing with a computer screen. You’re just reading my words, we’re not in the same room. OR ARE WE?! Anyway, here’s a list of pitchers with the biggest difference between their xFIP and their ERA.Please, blog, may I have some more?