In this month’s closer look, let’s discuss the value of middle relievers. I’m a big Mr. B. Depending on the team, I have various combinations of MRs. On one team, I have C.J. Wilson still. (Notched a Save and a Win in a doubleheader the other day — natch!) On another team, I’m rocking Dan Meyer. On another, Rafael Soriano. Besides having a guy that could take over the closing duties, middle relievers help lower your starters’ ratios. Mark DiFelice + James Shields = 7-4/3.01/1.15/74 or Jake Peavy, 5-5/3.67/1.13/84. That’s right, the Frankenpitcher of Jark DiShields is beating the pure breed Jake Peavy. So how’s dem apples? Delicious! Now in some cases, you just can’t hold a MR. Whether you’re besieged by injuries, need to handcuff one of your closers or need a bench hitter, sometimes it’s just not feasible. As much as I like MRs, they are invariably the first ones I drop on my teams when I need help somewhere else. Luckily, there’s always one available on waivers. If it’s not Jark DiShields, you can own Kiko Garzero or C.J. Wolfson. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
1. Jonathan Broxton (+3) (Ronald Belisario, Cory Wade) 2. Francisco Rodriguez (+2) (J.J. Putz) 3.Joe Nathan (-2) (Matt Guerrier, Jose Mijares) 4.Jonathan Papelbon (-2) (Takashi Saito, Manny Delcarmen, Hideki Okajima)
Donkey-corns
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkey-corns.
5. Heath Bell (+3) (Greg Burke, Edward Mujica, Luke Gregerson) 6. Bobby Jenks (-1) (Octavio Dotel, Matt Thornton, Scott Linebrink) 7. Mariano Rivera (Alfredo Aceves, Brian Bruney, Damaso Marte) 8. Francisco Cordero (+3) (David Weathers, Arthur Rhodes, Nick Masset) 9. Frank Francisco (C.J. Wilson) 10. Brad Lidge (-4) (Ryan Madson) 11. Brian Fuentes (+1) (Jose Arredondo, Scot Shields) 12. Ryan Franklin (+4) (Jason Motte, Chris Perez, Kyle McClellan) 13. Chad Qualls (-3) (Jon Rauch, Tony Pena, Clay Zavada) 14.Kevin Gregg (Carlos Marmol) 15. Brian Wilson (Jeremy Affeldt, Bob Howry) 16. Kerry Wood (-3) (Jensen Lewis, Rafael Perez, Rafael Betancourt) 17. Mike Gonzalez (Rafael Soriano) 18. Fernando Rodney (Joel Zumaya, Ryan Perry, Brandon Lyon) 19. Scott Downs (+7) (B.J. Ryan, Jason Frasor)
Brain Freeze
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Troy Percival– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Pena in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
20. Huston Street (+2) (Manny Corpas) 21. Trevor Hoffman(Carlos Villanueva,Todd Coffey, Mark DiFelice) 22. George Sherrill (+7) (Jim Johnson, Danys, Baez, Chris Ray) 23. Matt Capps (-3) (John Grabow, Jesse Chavez, Tyler Yates) 24. David Aardsma (Brandon Morrow,Miguel Batista, Chad Cordero) 25. Joakim Soria (+3) (Juan Cruz, Jamey Wright, Kyle Farnsworth) 26. Matt Lindstrom (-7) (Leo Nunez, Kiko Calero, Dan Meyer) 27. Andrew Bailey (Brad Ziegler, Michael Wuertz, Santiago Casilla) 28. LaTroy Hawkins (-3) (Jose Valverde) 29. Joel Hanrahan (+1) (Kip Wells, Julian Tavarez) 30. J.P. Wheelfourson (-7) (Randy Choate, The Amazing Rando, Randy Jackson)
The Indians have been more of a trainwreck than Jeff Conaway and Tom Sizemore doing a community theater production of The Taking of Pelham 123. Now Grady Sizemore hits the DL with elbow inflammation. For whatever reason, this season he’s shown himself to be a bit of a flight risk. In 13 attempted steals, he’s been caught stealing 6 times. (He’s been terrible at stealing bases, but has elbow pain? Is he running on his hands? What’s the deal, friend?) Half of me wants to be the doomsayer, um, saying doom that Sizemore’s going to struggle even when he returns because of what we’ve seen in the past from players with elbow pain. Then my better half wants to say it can’t be that bad, he hit his 9th home run on Saturday. So the ladies love Grady, but should his fantasy owners? Unfortunately, if elbow pain is severe enough to send someone to the DL, it’s not a good sign. So I wouldn’t try to buy him low, unless the deal’s too good to turn down. Then again, I wouldn’t sell him low, either. If you own him, I think you need to just hold and hope for the best. Unless, again, someone’s overpaying you for him. Basically, you’re in a pickle between a rock and a hard place. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ben Francisco – 2-for-3 with a steal. Hitting .360 in the last seven games and has 5 homers and 9 steals on the year. Yawnstipating, for sure. But Francisco will now be batting in the top of the order while Sizemore nurses his elbow. Is Sizemore nursing his elbow in public? Gross!
Victor Martinez – Sat out yesterday. Are the Indians punting this season?
Jhonny Peralta – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and the Indians batted third their .339 SLG shortstop. Though I don’t think that lasts.
Chien-Ming Wang – 8 IP, 2 ER and 7 Ks since he’s returned, but, man, it really feels like he’s trying to get you to fall for the old-banana-in-the-tailpipe, right?
Kevin Youkilis – 2 HRs yesterday as he bats .366 on the season and way above where his BABIP says he should be, i.e., the bottom could fall out.
Jon Lester – 6 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks. Even if you missed this start because you benched him, this is a good sign going forward… Unless he continues to alternate good and bad starts, then you’re gonna have to wait ten days for another good start, at which time you’ll probably bench him again.
Alex Rios – 5 for his last 8 and a homer and steal yesterday. In case you don’t own him, which I don’t, you may not know his current stats. 6 homers, 4 steals and a .276 average. From a 3rd round draft pick in ’08 to 5th round in ’09, he’s making a case for the 8th round next year. Maybe the -is on his first name was his Samson’s hair.
John Maine – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks. Besides some early season struggles, he’s pitched well. Can’t hurt to pitch at Metco. If he’s out there, he gets the Nats next time out.
Edwin Jackson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks. Falls into those untradeable guys. You can’t trade him for how valuable he’s been, because no one believes it. On the other hand, you can’t trade for him either, because you don’t believe it either. Wait, huh?
Jason Berken – 7 IP, 1 ER. Didn’t this guy used to date Lauren Conrad? (BTW, how about that Hills finale? Tears, pho sho!) Anyway, Berken’s not worth a pickup in 16 team leagues that only use Orioles.
Josh Willingham – 2 HRs yesterday and 3rd homer in three days. Had a good May, wouldn’t trust him to have a good June.
Elijah Dukes – Returns Tuesday. That’s if he doesn’t end up in jail. I could totally see Phil Spector producing a Dukes album.
Edwin Maysonet – Rod Roddy, “For the next contestant on The Price is Right… A brand new…. Maysonet!” 9-for-20 since being called up to fill-in for Kaz Matsui. I’m going to go out on a limb and say 9-for-20 is the best string of 20 ABs he’s ever had in pro ball.
Paul Maholm – 7 IP, 1 ER, but lost in a pitcher’s duel to Mike Hampton, who went 7 IP, 1 ER with 3 Ks. The official attendance was 19,566 people bored out of their mind. This would be a good test to see if a girl likes you, “Baby, you wanna take in the Astros/Pirates game? I hear the Pirates mascot, Captain Jolly Roger, shoots wieners into the crowd.”
Ben Zobrist – 1-for-4, batting leadoff yesterday. While it might be nice in theory, let’s not put too much pressure on The Zo. He’s 25-for-74 with 4 homers batting sixth. The Zo likes to relax!
Randy Choate – What, no save today? As I said in the comments on Saturday after Choate notched back-to-back saves on Friday and Saturday, Choate’s a situational lefty.
Kris Medlen – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks. The forces of the universe are conspiring against Hanson.
Max Scherzer – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER. Ouch… Wait, huh? Ouch… Sorry, having a hard time sitting down.
Chipper Jones – This year might be the first time I’ve owned Chipper in any league in ten years — in fairness, I only own him there because it’s an OBP, and Chipper does the OBP thing almost as well as he does the, “Ow, my v-jay hurts,” thing. So, my conclusion after owning him for two months is I hate him even more this year. 5 homers is unacceptable. Seriously.
Yovani Gallardo – I thought I was going to witness something historic when he struckout 8 through the first 9 batters. Alas, the pitch count was high and he had to get pulled in the 6th.
Zach Greinke – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks. Who slipped the Kryptonite into his Prozac? Not cool, guys.
John Danks – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER. Walks haven’t been great, but he’s striking out guys at a solid rate. The opposing team’s hits are just coming at the wrong time. His ERA should come down.
Adam Kennedy – 2 HRs yesterday. Though Nixon demanded a recount.
Josh Hamilton – Headed for a MRI for his abdominal and groin problems. Hopefully, they’re separate issues. Otherwise, that would really be a problem.
Andrew Bailey – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER, blown save, but the Win. Now not only is he the closer, but he’s also the setup man. Maybe Ziegler disagreed with the choice of Brad Pitt to play Billy Beane in Moneyball: The Movie. I, for one, hope Pitt channels his True Romance character for the role.
Scott Hairston – 2-for-4, and a steal. I know, he’s a Padre, but, seriously, he has value.
Ervin Santana – 5 1/3 IP, 8 ER. I kinda wish instead of saying you should trade him after a few good starts, I pressed you, dear Razzball reader, to trade him before his first start. I think a trip to the Disgraceful List is more likely than a turnaround, but you’ll need to bench him and wait it out.
David Aardsma – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 4 BBs. I didn’t see this outing, but he must’ve been very wild. It’s hard to walk four Angels in two-thirds of an inning. Luckily, Morrow’s been erratic as all get-out.
Ichiro Suzuki – 4-for-5 with a homer. He’s batting .354 so that’s, uh, ya know where you expect it. But he only has 19 Runs. Surprisingly, he doesn’t have 19 solo homers.
Chad Gaudin – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks. Threw a masterpiece on Sunday in Colorado. Of course… Sonavabench!
Adrian Gonzalez – Hit his 20th homer yesterday. Padres could clear 200 homers this year. If Gonzalez hits 180.
Joey Votto – Totally pulling a Kotchman at this point as he heads to the DL with a stress-related issue. What, he misplaced his ear drops and totally freaked? What’s the deal, Votto? Let’s get our shizz together.
Brandon Phillips – 2-for-4, HR yesterday. I think my concerns about Phillips’s hairline fracture in his thumb were prematurely reported. Seems to be fine. I recant. (<–16th Century Word of the Day!)
Micah Owings – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER. Nothing really to report with this guy, but the Brewers announcer said something funny during yesterday’s game. (FYI, something is guaranteed to not be funny, when you say it’s funny. Anyway…) Dusty walks to the mound and the Brewers announcer says something to the effect, “There’s no one ready in the Reds bullpen so this is probably just to talk to Owings about strategy for this next hitter.” Then Dusty removes Owings from the game after five and two-thirds and 103 pitches. So the Brewers announcer says, “I wonder what Owings said to get Dusty to pull him from the game.” This made me laugh. What on earth could Owings had said to get removed after only 103 pitches? “Please, Dusty, I’ll wash your car!” “I’m your man next time Dusty Jr. needs a babysitter on a Friday night.” “Dusty, I’ll tell you who crapped in your Cubs Dairy Queen sundae helmet. It was Votto!”
