Devin Mesoraco was diagnosed with a torn labrum in his shoulder after missing most of last year with a torn labrum in his hip.  My Latin may be off, but I believe tearing two labrums means severe vagina pain.  The last thing he’ll want to do is be squatting.  Devin Mesoraco now has more torn labrums than Nadia Comaneci.  This torn labrum finally gives Mesoraco an alibi to his ugly.  If he were going to get a torn labrum of somewhere, I would’ve thought it was his most prominent feature, his sunken eyes.  Uncle Fester called, he wants his face back!  Tucker Barnhart (1-for-4, 1 run, hitting .298) will take over the catcher duties for Mesoraco.  Barnhart has 3-homer power, so he’s not recommended outside of leagues that are Cousteau deep.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

People standing to the side, huddled together.  Faces ashen.  All they could talk about was the moment the Carlos Carrascident happened.  There was nothing anyone could do.  It was as if time slowed down like Keanu was diving away from a Matrixy bullet.  A split second and a heap on the ground, silence.  Terry Francona dressed as a law enforcement officer putting up yellow tape, people wondering if Francona was working a bachelorette party after the game.  Carlos Carrasco is headed to the disabled list with a hamstring strain but needs to have an MRI, which is never what you want to hear about your ace.  Filling in for him will be Trevor Bauer.  Not farfetched to think Bauer could have value in matchups.  Farfetch is also what they call warming up Bauer.  “Why is our bullpen catcher driving to Akron?”  “Friggin’ Bauer.”  As for Carlos Carrasco, that’s the way the Cookie crumbles.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I can imagine what Juan Nicasio season long owners are feeling right now. First week was straight gravy with some poutine hiding underneath. Next week? Heart attack with a cliffhanger heading into week 3. This shizz is like Knots Landing and I don’t even know what that show is! Either way, drama central is going on and we out here in DFS land be like okay, okay, Childish Gambino style. That’s the beauty of the Daily Fantasy life: No Ragrets. Or better put, no memory. I don’t care that Juan was terrible in his last start. It happened in Detroit against a stacked Tigers lineup. Back at home in the NL against a good but shaky Brew Crew lineup, I’m willing to take a gamble on Juan at his low end price of $6,100. Why? Pitchers that Ray Searage has salvaged include but are not limited to: AJ Burnett, Francisco Liriano, and JA Happ. So you can write the other two off as bouncebacks but Happ? That’s straight voodoo magic, brosephs, and I’m not about to start a Salem witch trial against this good man. So step into my humble abode as we put Juan in our SP2 spot and forget about it for the day. But what should we do with our SP1 spot, you ask? Well read on. Here’s my telenovela hot taeks for this Sunday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s nothing he can do that can’t be done. Gets on base, multi-hit games and hits home runs. There’s nothing you can say he just knows how to play the game. It’s easy. The Cuban rookie Aledmys Diaz continued his hot start going 2-for-5, with his second home run of the season and for your sake and mine I hope you read those first few sentences in your best Paul McCartney accent. Honestly, everything sounds better in a Beatles accent. Try it! But enough about old rock and/or roll bands no one has ever heard of, Aledmys Diaz is 11-for-27 (.407 AVG) through his first eight games, 5 extra base hits, 8 RBI and 8 runs scored. Al–can I call you Al? No? Aledmys “Don’t Call Me Al” Diaz has also hit safely in all but one game he’s played in. Can I tell you if Diaz is going to be a star (ha-cha-cha!)? No, not exactly. But he’s got a quick bat with good plate discipline and the Cards have invested enough money in the Cuban rookie that he will likely get a chance to show what he can do. Grey told you to BUY and now I’m telling you. Don’t make this more complicated than it has to be, we’re only trying to help.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

That’s what we’re all chasing here, right?  The White Whale.  We’re all obsessing over this silly little game in the hopes of hitting that four…five…six figure payday.  We pour over stats from wOBA to z-swing % and everything in between hoping to glean some hidden gem that gives us an edge over the rest of the field.  I can only imagine the number of hours I’ve put into looking at match-ups, fiddling with lineups, checking the weather, checking Twitter and pondering game theory.  Well, tonight will be no different.  Friday nights are one of my favorite nights to play DFS.  It’s always a full or nearly full slate, game times are typically 7 EST and all the 10 EST lineups are out by the time lineups are due.  Tonight is no different, and tonight, I’m looking to clobber Tim Melville.  You’re darn tootin’ I went with a Moby Dick reference on a night I’m stacking against Melville.  If you caught that before this point in the paragraph, give yourself a hearty pat on the back for reading a book or two. This call doesn’t take a lot of pondering.  Tim Melville’s AAA numbers last year were a lovely 4.63 ERA with a 6.1 K/9 and a 4.0 BB/9.  You know how Grey uses K-rate minus BB-rate to determine how good a pitcher is real quick?  10 K/9 – 3 BB/9 = 7 = Borderline ace = Chicken diner, or something like that.  Quick math gives us Tim Melville’s difference of 2.1.  If a difference of 7 is a borderline ace, a difference of 2 is a borderline “doesn’t belong in the major leagues”.  All of your Cardinal batters are in play, righties and lefties alike.  Melville was equally generous to both handed batters in the minor leagues.  So, stack ‘em up, hope they hit and let’s see what else can find to help you catch your whale tonight.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

And if Vince V. is so money, it would make the Padres a bunch of Swingers.  Seriously, tell me Vince Velasquez wasn’t money?  He struck out 16, baby.  He only gave up three hits, baby.  He is a beautiful baby, baby.  C’mon, he’s so money.  You gotta grab him, baby, you gotta.  Call him up on waivers, go ahead, c’mon, baby, call him up.  “Hi, uh, this is a random fantasy baseballer, which is, uh, Grey’s mom’s term.  I saw you struck out 16, uh, Padres, in a shutout and I was, uh, wondering–”  Machine beeps.  Call back, baby!  Velasquez wants you to!  “Hi, Mr. Velasquez, it’s me again.  Ha, silly movie answering machines always shutting off prior to a message ending.  I mean, who even has answering machines like this anymore–”  Machine beeps.  C’mon, baby!  You’re almost through that message!  Then you can go on to direct Iron Man and be the namelganger for a Washington speech writer, while I can go do a lot of blow with Jennifer Aniston and singlehandedly ruin True Detective playing essentially myself.  You gotta, baby!  You are so money!  So, Vince Velasquez went 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 16 Ks, and if he’s still on waivers in your league, I want to be in your league.  Yes, you should grab, like yesterday (preferably before his last start).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello everyone, and welcome to the weekend! You made it! After a week of working where it seemed as if the clock was moving in hours instead of minutes, sit back, relax, and let’s enjoy America’s Pastime.

For those of you who don’t know me, I am Razzball’s Daily Fantasy Football guy along with Matt Hayes, where I usually break down the entire slate of games from Weeks 1-16. I had lots of fun this season, and much to my delight, some success as well. I write articles that are mostly stats-driven, and while they can be long, I want to not only give you the plays of the day, but “argue” with you, and prove why these guys should find your lineups in Tournaments, H2H’s, 50/50s, or Double-Ups.

Over the course of the past few months or so I have learned a lot about Daily Fantasy Baseball, as I don’t come from a Season-Long Fantasy Baseball background. I listened, I read, and I read some more. Throughout this process, there is one crucial element of Daily Fantasy Baseball that I have learned.

In order to be successful you have to understand which Pitchers to attack for the day, and use Game Theory. What do I mean? A great example came from this past Monday, April 4th, where most of the players out there had one mindset: “Attack Wily Peralta, attack Wily Peralta!” Sure, and it did work out fine, as most of the field was correct with a lot of the Giants batters highly owned on the night. However, what about the sneaky options, the Pitchers who are just as bad, and yet go under the radar? Well what about the Cubbies bats? What about the Dodgers bats? Each team completely destroyed the opposing pitcher, yet you heard nothing about these certain pitchers, it was all Wily Peralta, Wily Peralta, Wily Peralta. Game theory could indicate that the better option was to select the Dodgers, batting behind Clayton Kershaw on the mound (gave up 1 hit).

Sometimes, looking can make the biggest difference.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Opening day is here! But it’s really tomorrow! But baseball happens today! Where are my pants! I’m so confused and happy all at the same time! Yes, it’s me. You might remember me from such posts as that one about that guy or that other one about that other guy. I am kinda well known in that respect. Now before you get all teary-eyed over this reunion, realize this won’t be my regularly spotted day. Think of me as the manager of a Grand Opening and I’m here making sure all the merchandise is where it needs to be. Also think of me as overweight with a heart condition and nearly suffering from a massive coronary, all while sweating profusely. No clue why on that, I just wanted you to have a fun start to the year. But speaking of start to the year, start Francisco Liriano. I know, that call took me at least 15 seconds to make. He’s the second most costly pitcher but he’s at home and the weather is chilly enough to help keep the ball in the park just in case Tommy Pham gets into one. HA, see I crack myself up, too! Look, it’s a three game slate, what were you expecting? I won’t have a huge amount of knowledge to dump on you in this post other than you should sign up for the DFSBot and make your life easier for the rest of the DFS season if you’re gonna play along with us. But with that, let’s make some bold calls. Here’s my opening day that’s not really opening day takes for this beautiful but brief Sunday slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well keep tuned, we’ll offer contests to you every day of the week excluding today to whet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fret not, Razzball nation. The wait is almost over. As of today, we’re now just three short days away before the official start of the MLB regular season. Pretty soon, you won’t be refreshing your fantasy team’s live stats page and wondering why DeShields hasn’t stolen a base yet. They’re coming! In the meantime, let’s take a quick look at one of the most surprising rookies from the 2015 season, St. Louis Cardinals outfielder Randal Grichuk. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the bear/bull series, here’s the deal. Each week, I’ll be highlighting a different fantasy-relevant player and creating a framework of where that player is trending in fantasy terms. After some background analysis, number crunching, and sometimes even a player comp or two, I’ll reveal whether I’m bearish (pessimistic) or bullish (optimistic) on the near future of the player in question. So essentially a one player buy/sell. Dig it? Awesome. Now let’s take a look at this week’s player under the microscope…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So here we are, the final Minor League Preview of the offseason, and just in time for pitchers and catchers. It’s been a long grueling road that spanned four months, two writers, and countless late nights, study, and pizza rolls. Only punk rock pizza rolls, none of that commercial shizz! All of this has led us to today, and your payoff….THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS!!! Okay, so it’s not that exciting, unless you like far away hitting specs, and loads of floorbored material arms. As far as I know the Cards Floorboreds do not cause cancer, but the same can’t be said about the Angels. As for the St. Louie’ system, they’ve certainly churned out their share of high end talent over the years, and 2015 was no different. As the Redbirds graduated two top half of the order type bats in Randal Grichuk and Stephen Piscotty. I still can’t help but think that 2015 should have been the year of Oscar Taveres. My prospector eyes still weep for Oscar. Regardless, there’s still plenty to be aware of in the higher and lower levels, and a couple of beachy specs too! No not Brandon Beachy, because then their arms would be falling off. The Cards leave that to the northern most birds, the Blue Jays. Ha! Prospector humor kills me!! Let’s take a look at the St. Louis Cardinals Prospects, shall we?

Please, blog, may I have some more?