Rick Porcello won the 5th starter spot in Detroit over Smyly. Or Frownly, as the case may now be. Yawn. This is most unexciting news ever. This is like reading a Yelp review for The Cheesecake Factory. They have big portions. Yay. Who even writes Yelp reviews for The Cheesecake Factory? I want some of your free time, Cheesecake Factory reviewer. I don’t like Porcello and wouldn’t draft him in any leagues. He has a 5-ish K/9, which is atrocious. Which II, The Return of Which Mountain, leads Porcello to need good luck on balls hit into play. Though, no matter what I say, Porcello is invariably asked about in the comments for whether or not to pick him up, so y’all ain’t reading this anyway, and, since you’re not reading, I was the one who made heaving noises from the movie theater balcony and dropped cream of corn soup on your head. (Spoiler Alert for Game of Thrones: Was I the only one who was reminded of Chunk from The Goonies when Tyrion was confessing to the weird breastfeeding lady? Any the hoo!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2013 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2013 Rockies Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Bryan Kilpatrick from Purple Row.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ll start an article about Wilin Rosario by talking about Ramon Hernandez just to spite you. Here’s the amount of games Ramon has played by season since 2007: 106, 133, 81, 97, 91. Unlike Benjamin Button, Ramon has actually gotten older over those 5 years and will be 36 in May. So we are putting an aging catcher who can’t stay healthy behind the plate in Colorado and slapping an ADP tag of 259 on it? BTW, that’s ahead of catchers like Carlos Ruiz, A.J.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Indians said this, “We don’t expect Grady Sizemore to play 150 to 160 games like he has in the past.” At the start of the 2012 season it will be four years the last time he played that many games, so I’m glad they’re being realistic. They should’ve also said, “We don’t expect him to steal 20 bases. Hit 20 homers. Hit for much of an average unless you consider .250 much. Here’s hoping he takes some more nude pictures of himself and we get Grady’s Ladies buying season tickets again. Now I’m going back to my game of Words With Friends with Asdrubal.” If you want to assume Grady’s going to be fully healthy in 2012, something I would not assume, then you should get a line near 80/18/75/.250/5. Oh my dear deity of your choice, Sizemore has become Torii Hunter with a poor average. I’d avoid unless he falls very late or goes for cheap.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It feels like yesterday the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in September, you screamed out “I love you, Marco Scutaro!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend. C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2011. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2012.Please, blog, may I have some more?
A whale of a prospect plus a bad oblique leads to a a closed Beachy. Enter Julio Teheran. Well, reenter Julio Teheran. Teheranasaurus Rex! First, let’s see what Stephen said about him, “Easily the best story of the 2010 minor league year. Teheran throws a 92 to 96 MPH fastball, an above-average changeup, and a more consistent breaking pitch. Teheran is considered a top 5 pitching prospect in the minors, if not top three. Finally, I hope Grey gets his mustache caught in the gears of a car.” Hmm… Maybe I should’ve read what he wrote before quoting him. Anyhoo! Don’t judge Teheran on his messy first start in the bigs. He should be grabbed in most competitive leagues. Should have a 7+ K/9 and a high 3 ERA with a chance for a lot more. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Chris Carpenter – 6 1/3 IP, 7 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks as he was handily beat by Wood (6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks). In honor of the Carpenter/Wood matchup, everyone in attendance received a bill for $5000 for a picket fence that wasn’t completed correctly.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It feels like yesterday the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in September, you screamed out “I love you, Tulo!” and now you don’t have baseball or your girlfriend. C’mon, calender, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2010.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Paul Konerko went 5-for-5 yesterday with his 31st homer. Paul Konerko is also winning your league for you. You had your back up against the wall. You took Hanley in the first round, Halladay in the 2nd and then you hit the 20th round and you were like, “Hmm… I totally screwed myself by not taking a 1st baseman. Do I take that guy on the Marlins with a girl’s name or should I take Konerko?” When you took Konerko, you figured you would need to trade for someone. Whoa, what’s this? Konerko’s hitting? “Hey, baby, you’re eating dinner by yourself tonight. Paul Konerko due up sixth this inning, according to Fantasycast. Now please don’t come into my man cave.” When you go to the White Sox Fantasy Camp in seven years, you can tell him how he won your league for you while ruining your marriage. These late round fliers in drafts are always so maddening. If I would’ve just took Konerko instead of Stupid-Face Headley. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. His season ERA is down to 3.87 and 12 wins is pretty good, but that’s now 8 Ks in 28 IP for August. Is there a less aptly-surnamed player in the game? Seems like Mark Crafty or Mark Wiley would be better names.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here, friend, are some catchers that I will be targeting at my 2010 fantasy drafts after the top options are gone. I’m not going to get into the strategy of punting catchers. Been there, half-drunkenly wrote that. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2010 projections. This is a supplement to the top 20 catchers of 2010 fantasy baseball. Anyway, here’s some catchers to target for 2010 fantasy baseball:
Ramon Hernandez – He’s unexciting3. But so is losing your league.Please, blog, may I have some more?
No one carries two catchers in one catcher leagues. If you do, you probably suffer from mushy brain. So in 12 team leagues, you have 10 to 15 catchers at any time to choose from. Hey, Miguel Olivo’s dressed like Johnny Weir and he’s hitting! What do you know, Rod Barajas looks less Barajas-y! Skinny Pudge is seeing fat pitches!Please, blog, may I have some more?