Fantasy Baseball Advice

Chris Davis is so easy to strike out that pitchers should let him get a 4th or 5th strike like you’d give the small-for-his-age kid in little league.  “Good cut, Chris!”  Then the parent who needs anger management screams, “It’s on a freakin’ tee!  Hit the damn ball!”  Davis is also so easy to strike out the Rangers felt like they needed to go out and get someone who is marginally better.  Enter Jorge Cantu.  Or as I like to call him, the guy I told you to sell back at the end of April when his value was at its highest.  Cantu gets a boost in value because he’s now going to be hitting in a lineup with Giant Machine and Hulk Machine, while calling Coors South home.  I’d grab Cantu off waivers if I was hurting at my corner infidel spot.  Meanwhile, Chris Davis heads to the minors to try and reclaim that glory that had Bill James projecting him for, like, 40 homers and 10 steals.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ian Kinsler – Back to the DL with a strained groin and could be out until the end of August.  Who had July 29th in the ‘Kinsler goes back on DL’ pool?  Kinsler’s officially dropping way down in 2011 drafts.  He might be the fourth Ranger drafted next year.  I smell a sleeper post about him from January Grey.  January Grey, “Leave me alone, I’m watching Jersey Shore.”

Brett Wallace – It’s ironic he’s only a 1st base prospect because he’s getting passed around the majors like a trollop who’s been a lot farther than 1st base.  For those keeping score, he’s gone from STL to OAK in the Matt Holliday deal, OAK to TOR for OF prospect Michael Taylor (whom Toronto got in the Halladay deal), and now from TOR to HOU for OF prospect Anthony Gose.  The book on Walllace is he’s a great hitter with a bad glove (hence the move from 3B to 1B).  Now it’s one thing when STL trades a 1B (when they have Pujols) or when Oakland trades a 1B (Billy Beane likes to keep busy) but when the Lyle Overbay-playing Blue Jays trade a 1B prospect one has to wonder.  Is something wrong here 0r is the Jays GM, Alex the Greek just opa’ing prospects into the fireplace?  Either way, Lance Berkman looks like he’s about to embark on the Casino Bus.  If Wallace gets called up, he’s immediately mixed league material.  He hit 18 homers in 385 minor league ABs this year.  Though it was in the PCL.  BTW, this is the longest blurb ever for a roundup.  I don’t even remember who I was talking about.  Oh, Brett Wallace!  Yeah, he can hit, grab him now in NL-Only leagues, deep mixed leagues and keepers, just in case he’s called up.

Matt Capps – Traded to the Twins for Wilson Ramos, a top catching prospect, and Joe Testa, who throws straight gas, but is still very young.  Look at the Nats making moves!  Too bad Bowden wasn’t still around, he would’ve never stood for that.  As much as I’d prefer to talk about how the Nats can be a serious contender in two years, this is after all a fantasy blog.  If you’re really desperate for saves, I’d hold Rauch just in case he sees some chances or if you need rebounds (he’s tall!), but the Minnesota papers are reporting Capps will close.  I tend to believe the Minnesotans, salt of the earth people yadda².  Also, if Capps doesn’t close, then it looks even worse that the Twins traded those prospects away.  Gotta keep up appearances, ya know?

Miguel Tejada – Traded to the Padres to play….where?  He could play shortstop with the range of Cal Ripken but that dude’s 50 years old.  He could play 3B and move Headley back to the OF, but is Tejada really a better bat than the Padres worst corner OF?  Maybe, and that’s just sad.

Josh Bell – Will replace Tejada at 3rd base for the Suckie O’s.  Bell’s AL-Only ownable, which is saying very little since Daric Barton is AL-Only material.  Bell needs to get hot before picking up in mixed leagues, or, if you speak street, he needs to be fire on Crunk Juice.

Michael Wuertz – Now Bailey’s headed to the DL.  Wuertz has shown himself to be pretty adept at blowing save opportunities, so he’s no sure thing, but Breslow is?  As German prostitutes like to say, I grabbed Wuertz.  (BTW, whenever I think of a German prostitute, I picture a woman that could have easily been a female wrestler if she just got a few breaks.)

Neil Walker – 1-for-4 with his 5th homer and 2nd in three games.  I’ve knocked him a bunch, but when you’re looking at a Pu-Pu Platter of middle infielders, Walker’s at least hitting.

Matt Diaz – First time I was able to get Diaz into my lineup because it was a short schedule day and he homered.  That’s how you roll the Dye-as!

Miguel Montero – 4 for his last 8 with a homer yesterday.  Instead of just letting their catcher scabs be, I’ve noticed people are dropping Montero.  He could have a solid final two months.

Ian Desmond – 2-for-3 with his 7th homer.  Please make note of this next year when you’re drafting.  A 10/10 guy looks good when you’re drafting him, but when you’re actually waiting for him to get to 10/10 it’s mind numbingly boring.

Scott Olsen – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  And that’s a promise or my name isn’t Grey “El Toro” Albright.

Drew Storen – Clippard’s been a hot mess for a while now, so I’d grab Storen for saves.  If you’re really hurting for saves, I’d grab Clippard too.  If you’re really, really hurting for saves, I’d grab Sean Burnett. (And I did grab Clippard and Burnett in some leagues — My name is Grey “El Toro” Albright and I am a save vulture.  Please forgive me if I have told you to pick up a guy that has shat on your ratios.  I am powerless to my vulturing.  Anyone got some coffee and cigarettes?)

Ramon Castro – Hit 2 homers yesterday.  Appropriate of nothing, doesn’t his goatee look like a sideways yin and yang symbol?  Maybe it’s me.

Carlos Quentin – 2-for-4 with his 20th home run.  Sweet, now stay healthy for two months and hit.

Raul Ibanez – Hit his 2nd homer in the last week and he just missed his third with a WTF (Warning Track Fly).  Also, hitting near .450 in the last week.

David Price – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks as he recorded his 14th win.  That sound you hear is the BBWAA preparing their AL Cy Young vote for Price.  Voter, “A team win is the most important thing.  And if a guy pitches with moxie.  That’s important too.”

Anibal Sanchez – 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners (1 Hit), 8 Ks.  And he’s got a no-hitter on his resume too from 2006.  Pretty impressive given his career WHIP is 1.45.  Kind of feast or famine – fitting for a guy whose name anagrams to He’s Za Cannibal.

On Sunday, Akinori Iwamura was carted off the field. (No, it wasn’t some sorta Japanese custom when a player makes an out.)  So Reid Brignac may get some short-term value if the Rays play him.  Right now, they don’t seem committed to that plan.  And, frankly, I can see why.  He hasn’t exactly been tearing it up in Triple A.  The Rays should go to Ben Zobrist aka The Best Home Run Hitter In The World With The Last Name Zobrist.  With shortstop eligibility and potentially 2nd base, Zobrist will have value getting everyday at-bats.  Much has been made of Zobrist’s out-of-the-blue power surge.  The only explanation that seems to be out there is that he worked in the offseason with Jaime Cevallos, The Swing Mechanic.  (Turns out he helped Little Jake Current too!)  Honestly, I don’t think it matters much for Ben Zobrist since he already has shortstop eligibility.  It’s worth a flier to see if the power continues.  Just don’t cut anyone too worthwhile for that flier, including Little Jake Current — he’s got power to all fields!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Troy Percival – Hit the DL and made J.P. Izzywheelfourson the closer.  I grabbed Nelson and Wheeler anywhere I could.  This could easily become Isringhausen’s… Or Balfour’s… Or Howell’s.  Unlike the Nats ‘pen, the guy who wins the Rays raffle will have value so it’s worth grabbing one and praying it ends up being your guy.  The Rays used Izzy last on Saturday like he was a closer, though it was a non-save situation.  If you don’t have room in 12 team leagues and shallower, I’d cut Percy.  The next game he may be closing is the Hall of Famers vs. Non-Hall of Famers Game, which would take place during the All-Star Game festivites, if I had my way.  Like you wouldn’t pay to see Lee Smith try to prove his case against Gary Carter.  Would have to be better than watching Kenny Mayne throw like a girl.  (I’m still holding out hope for the Fattest Guy With No Power Home Run Derby too.  C’mon, Sandoval vs. Billy Butler!  Or everyone’s (soon-to-be) favorite contest, Worst Strikeout Pitcher Faces Off Against Chris Davis!  C’mon, Joel Pineiro!)

Jesus Guzman – Word out of the Tenderloin is Ishikawa isn’t long for the every day job.  Makes sensei.  He is Sucki-san.  If Guzman somehow pulls himself into an every day job, could be huge in ESPN leagues where he’s inexplicably a shortstop.  Though Guzman did not play on Sunday.  *shakes fist* Bochy!

Kevin Kouzmanoff – 3 HRs in the last seven games.  I know, Padres hitters are yawnstipating, but the Kouz is hot.

Dexter Fowler – 7-for-15 in his 4 games and batting leadoff.  Has been as good recently as Ian Stewart’s been bad.

Brad Lidge – Hey, whaddya know?  Another blown save!  He has a 9.19 ERA on the year.  Philly says there will be no closer change.  I say yet.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 7 Ks, 2 ER, which should’ve been one because of a misplay in the outfield.  This was a heartbreaking no decision (for me).

Matt Lindstrom – He embarrassed himself and his family on Saturday then came in on Sunday and retired two guys and walked three before being relieved by Kiko Calero.  Kiko’s pitching the best in the Marlins bullpen, but Nunez hasn’t been awful… Okay, he’s been just all right.  I think Nunez gets the first chance when Lindstrom’s replaced, but it might be Calero.  If you’re a save vulture, you should be grabbing one of them now, because Lindstrom doesn’t seem long for the closer role.

Kelly Johnson – HRs in back-to-back games.  He’s sitting at .252 on the year, he can get up to .280 within a few weeks.

Joe Mauer – Another game, another homer.  I heard Selena Roberts was seen digging through his trash.

Manny Delcarmen – Been lights out so far in middle relief.  Rumors are swirling that he might be headed to the Nats to be their closer with Nick Johnson headed to the Sawx, pushing Big Crapi to the bench.  I don’t think the Sawx have the cojones to bench Papi, they’d have to convince him to go to the Disgraceful List.  In deep leagues, Delcarmen should be owned, though some Mr. B’s probably already have him.

Daniel Murphy, Angel Pagan, Gary Sheffield, Jeremy Reed, Ramon Castro, Ramon Martinez – Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 New York Mets!

Adam Jones – Hit his 10th homer yesterday while stealing his 4th bag.  Should cruise to 25/15, then Jamaica.

Alexei Ramirez – 2 HRs this weekend.  Mazel tov!

Mark Buehrle – Only Mark Buehrle could give up only one run after surrendering 12 hits while striking out only 3.  Cust kayin’.

Joel Hanrahan – Picked up the save with a perfect inning.  Apparently, he’s the closer again.

Adam Dunn – 2 HRs, 6 RBIs.  That’s not a donkey, this is a donkey.

Emmanuel Burriss – The Giants also announced they would be putting Frandsen into a platoon with Burriss.  Burriss has speed; Frandsen offers nothing.

Pablo Sandoval – Sat out yesterday with elbow trouble and will go for tests on Monday.   I hope they test his cholesterol.

Chris Iannetta – Hit the DL with a hamstring strain.   Jessica Alba and Joe Torre hybrid, Yorvit Torrealba, will have some short-term value in deep leagues.  For catchers that could be available in some leagues, I’d go Snyder, Salty, Torrealba or Diaz, in that order.

Miguel Tejada – 4-for-4 yesterday, 3 HRs in the last 6 games.  Someone’s in the Way Back Machine.

Josh Outman – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, Zero Ks.  When you don’t strikeout one Diamondback, I’m not buying.

Jason Giambi – Second straight game with a homer.  For those in shallow leagues, he hits them in bunches.  Some would say in “cycles.”

Barry Zito – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Glad the old baked Zito showed up just as I added him.

Fred Lewis – Two games, two home runs.  I wish he’d just get to 15/15 in a month then I could drop him, but that’s not how these things work.  Except for Mark Reynolds.

Derrek Lee – Missed Sunday’s game with an undisclosed illness.  I thought it was called Suckitis.

Francisco Rodriguez – Might be the first time I’ve mentioned him in roundup.  (I tend not to mention guys that are doing what they’re supposed to be.)  K-Rod is suffering from back spasms, so the Mets are inserting Putz into their opening.  K-Rod said he’s feeling much better after being medicated.  In other news, K-Rod’s addicted to painkillers.  Sounds like he’ll be back by the end of the week at the latest.

Brandon Phillips – Hairline fracture on thumbkin.  Phillips said, “I told (the Reds) I don’t want to go on the DL.”  Um, okay.  And then you sit out yesterday’s game?  This sounds worse than the Reds are letting on.

Joey Votto – Ear infection had him benched on Sunday after hitting 2 homers on Saturday.  I totally feel for Votto.  Last time I had an ear infection, I rolled around for days crying.  Then again, I was 6 months old.

Brandon McCarthy – 9 IP, 0 ER and 6 Ks.  Solid game, but he’s way too unpredictable to pick up in mixed leagues.   As for this game, maybe McCarthy thought he was facing the Reds.