Don’t pay for steals. Why? Because they can be found on the wire during the season. As an example, the leaders in stolen bases, from 2009-2011:

Michael Bourn – 174
Carl Crawford – 125
Juan Pierre – 125
Mystery Man – 125
Brett Gardner – 122

Brett Gardner hasn’t played since April 17, isn’t expected back until after the All-Star break, and is owned in nearly 81% of ESPN leagues and 68% of Yahoo leagues; Mystery Man is owned in just over 7% of ESPN leagues, 9% of Yahoo leagues.

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Bud Norris and Zack Greinke both struck out 12 hitters yesterday.  One in 6 innings and the latter in 7 innings, if latter means Greinke.  And when I saw their lines it occurred to me, that my Bud’s gonna be just like Greinke, when he grows up, my Bud’s gonna be just like Greinke.  You see my Bud’s WHIP’s a hassle and his homers have the flew.  But one day Bud will be just like you.  One day he’ll be just like you.  And Greinke would say, “Why is he singing Cat’s in the Cradle to me?  I’m not his father, I’m barely two years older than him?”  Yeah, you’ll see, Greinke.  You can’t even see the irony now, but one day, my Bud’s gonna be just like you.  You all will see.  For now, he’s not him.  Nope, nuh-uh, nada, not there, nope again.  His walks are still too out of control, but his K-rate is over nine and his xFIP is 12 team mixed league respectable.  He’s about as risky a starter as there is — he’s even on Rudy’s list of risky pitchers for 2012 — but it’s hard to find his sort of Ks on waivers.  And, one day, he’ll put it together and we’ll have a good time then… You know we’ll have a good time then.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Alex Avila – To the DL with a hamstring strain.  Only positive here is Miggy homered yesterday, feeling more comfortable without AA hassling him.

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On Wednesday, Jon Lester gave a line of 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks and I said he found the sweet spot between yawn and ho-hum.  Some runs, bunch of hits and not at all dominating.  It was just another run-of-the-mill start for Lester.  Larry Johnson’s Grandmama could throw that line.  Perhapizzle, I say, speaking like a hip-hop Yoda.  “There is no try, there is only do-izzle and do not-fizzle.”  Yo, Yoda, why you wear your Jedi robe so low?  “Easy access, I like.”  Maybe there was something else to that Lester start.  Maybe, Columbo, things aren’t how they seem.  Maybe I’m holding a container of Colombo yogurt and talking to it.  Don’t judge me, but let’s judge Lester.  That start was also his highest K-rate in one game this year, and he issued no walks.  Some people are talking about how he’s got a new approach.  He’s peacocking without the flair of Ks.  He’s about the pitch-to-contact approach that Charley Lau would’ve enjoyed.  Yeah, let’s take what makes us great and instead pitch so people can hit the ball against The Green Monster.  You don’t need to hit every branch coming down the Rocket Scientist tree to think that makes no sense.  If you have strikeout stuff, you strike people out.  On Wednesday, he did that.  I think that was a corner turned.  June is always his best month, but he usually stays hot in the summer because he likes to keep things appropriate.  I wouldn’t trade a top bat for him, but I think his owners are concerned and I’d definitely buy him for the right price.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Andrelton Simmons – Speaking of Star Wars, this guy’s first name sounds like a planet in one of those made up galaxies that Lucas sold at auction for $150,000.  “Now up for bid, an imaginary planet in the Arkanis sector of the Outer Rim Territories.  Do I hear one hundred thousand?  We have a bid from the forty-something year old man with acne.  No, not you, sir, the man next to you.”  Simmons had 26 steals last year in High-A and 10 steals this year in Double-A through 43 games.  He doesn’t look like he has burner speed, but in shallower leagues and very deep leagues I’d take a chance on him.  I say those two types of leagues because in one options are so abundant that it’s good to take a flyer on someone for a week.  If they take off, great!  If they don’t, there’s other options and what did you miss?  A week of EverCab?  Big whoop.  In very deep leagues, you take him because your other options are Daniel Descalso.

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After the top 20 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball, guess what we have here?  The top something-something’s? Cute, random italicized voice.  We have the top 40 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball.  That’s right, Wonderful just gave birth to Awesome.  Wanna hear something even awesomier?  I’m going to turn this to 60 then 80.  Hopefully I don’t blow my amp.  The hardest part about writing these 2012 fantasy baseball rankings posts is writing this opening.  Trying to make the clerical stuff sound less clerical, ya know?  So I just copied the openings from previous years where applicable.  As with other rankings, where I see tiers beginning and ending are mentioned along with my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball:

21.

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On this episode of Solid Goldschmidt, we have Neil Young performing, “I’ve Been Searchin’ For a Heart of Goldschmidt,” and later the nursery rhyme, “John Jacob Paul Goldschmidt, His Name Is On My Buy List Too,” song by Various Artists.  Well, I’m just full of Goldschmidt!  Goldschmidt may have Growing Pains but don’t call him Tracey.  Okay, breathe, Grey, you got puns… Breathe!  Remove the cigarette and put on the oxygen mask — stat!

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Some rejected titles were, “Cards Have Jon Jay, Rasmus Have Blue Jays,” “Cards Trade Rasmus For Queen Elizabeth-Visaged Cents On the Dollar,” and “Ervin Santana Threw A No-Hitter, Beltran Was Traded — Hey, Baseball, Spread Some Of Your Breaking Stories Around.”  So Colby Rasmus was sent to the Blue Jays, Edwin Jackson was sent to the Cardinals via Chicago and a whole lot of other shizz.  Let’s start with Colby.  Hey, Geiger, let’s go (to Canada)!  Rasmus will move into center field, sending Rajai to the bench.  I’m sure Colby will be empathic.  “One day we will write a song together titled, “Centerfield” using John Fogerty’s lyrics and music then we will sue him for copyright infringement.”  That’s Colby meeting Rajai for the first time.  Last week, I was down on Rasmus, in the non-sexual way.  Sick of watching him sit on the bench while Pujols farted in his general direction.  Now, much like a fugitive from justice, Rasmus has a fresh start in Canada.  His value definitely goes from a negative to a positive, Biggie.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edwin Jackson – Another guy that gets a fantasy boost with a trade.  Any time you’re going from the AL to the NL, I like it.  Does he suddenly become the meow’s cat?  I’m not entirely sure.  His NL ERA last year was 5.16, his AL ERA was 3.24.  All of his good years have come in the AL.  Yeah, he’s a riddle inside of a Sphinx testicle.  In deeper leagues or just mixed leagues where you need to gamble, I’d grab Jackson and hope Dave Duncan can do the voodoo that he do.

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Matt Holliday heads to the DL with a quadriceps injury.  C’mon, Mantle played with no knees for ten years!  Have a scotch and get in the lineup!  John Jay should see time while Holliday recoups.  Worth owning in 12 team leagues and could make a decent sub while Holliday’s out.  That’s not to say he could make a decent hoagie.  Different things.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Kyle McClellan – Out for at least a couple of weeks with a hip flexor strain.  Or it’s hip to be strained, if you’re a kid of the 80′s.

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