Fantasy Baseball Advice

After the top 20 outfielders for 2010 fantasy baseball, guess what we have here?  The top 40 outfielders for 2010 fantasy baseball.  That’s right, Wonderful just gave birth to Awesome.  Wanna hear something even awesomier?  I’m going to turn this to 60 then 80.  Hopefully I don’t blow my amp.  The hardest part about writing these 2010 fantasy baseball rankings posts is writing this opening.  Trying to make the clerical stuff sound less clerical, ya know?  Actually, when I point it out, it gets more clerical.  As with other rankings, where I see tiers beginning and ending are mentioned along with my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2010 fantasy baseball:

20. Shin-Soo Choo – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Span.  I call this tier, “Speed threats with weak power.”  As mentioned aforely, this entire tier could be above the “Power threats with weak speed” tier that ended the top 20 outfielders post.  Depends on how you’re building a team.  Okay, now on Choo.  I love that when I search a baseball site for Choo I find Choo Freeman listed first.  Choo Freeman’s getting some Jennie-O turkey for that one.  The non-Freeman, Choo had a bit of a ridunkiculous BABIP.  Don’t know what that’s all about.  The fellas over at Fangraphs hinted that Choo’s choo-choosing where the ball is going with telekinesis.  Nice, when they do a Broadway adaptation of Zapped, Choo can play the Baio role.  Assuming Choo keeps placing line drives between fielders with nothing more than a constipated-looking stare, he should maintain his average.  2010 Projections:  90/18/100/.285/20

21. Bobby Abreu – There’s a few guarantees in life, death, taxes and Bobby Abreu hitting 15 homers.  Yet, he’s a tapestry of different numbers as far as how many steals he’s going to get.  If you had a three-sided coin that had the number twenty, twenty-five and thirty each on a different side then flipped it in the air… Well, I don’t know how a three-sided coin would even land so I got lost in my own example.  2010 Projections:  95/15/100/.300/20

22. Shane Victorino – The Crapolanco trade to the Phillies doesn’t help Victorino’s value as far as Runs, but he’s solid in other categories.  Plus, we can always hope for an injury to the usually durable Crapolanco.  2010 Projections:  75/12/85/.290/30

23. Ben Zobrist – Zobrist’s projections are in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post.

24. Denard Span – His caught stealings last year are a little disconcerting (10 times in 33 attempts), but I think he can potentially sneak in 12 homers.  2010 Projections:  100/10/70/.300/22

25. Alfonso Soriano – This is a new tier.  This is a two person tier.  This doode and Rios.  I call this tier, “Reclamation projects.” Obviously last year Soriano sucked on the suckhole for the better part of the year.  Maybe his Latin 34 is finally catching up to him.  Wouldn’t surprise me to see him nose dive in 2010.  He only hit 13 homers last year against clubs not named the Astros.  His speed is not what it once was.  I don’t think arthroscopic knee surgery’s going to be the answer to that.  Wow, I’m really selling this bounce back, huh?  The reality of The Situation™ is that there’s question marks with all of these guys.  Soriano can still hit 25+ homers and steal 10+ bags.  2010 Projections:  70/25/85/.270/12

26. Alex Rios – Prepare for another lukewarm sales pitch.  Rios’s BABIP last year was almost fifty points off his career average.  So, say he hit .280 last year with the Runs and RBIs that comes with those extra hits.  Now imagine he still hit the 17 homers and stole the 24 bases.  Still  disappointing, but less so.  Almost convincing, huh?  2010 Projections:  85/19/70/.275/22

27. Carlos Lee – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to McLouth.  I call this tier, “This is your father’s fantasy baseball outfield.”  This tier is compromised of the oldies but goodies or, perhaps more aptly, oldies and were goodies that may or may not be that goodie anymore.  In 2007, Lee hit 32 homers; in 2008, he hit 28, then last year he put up 26 homers.  Um, bad trend.  If he can reverse that, oh goodie!  2010 Projections:  65/27/100/.300/5

28. Manny Ramirez – Outside of an insane 2nd half in 2008, Manny really hasn’t been that good in a while.  Name value is making him seem like more than Cuddyer.  2010 Projections:  85/28/100/.300

29. Torii Hunter – Double I is like an Elizabeth Vargas stalker… Always near 20/20.  Thank you, Jay Leno!  2010 Projections:  75/23/85/.275/17

30. Carlos Beltran – Was a real battle trying to rank Beltran.  I really need to hear more news on his knee and see how he’s progressing.  This is tentatively where I’d start to look at him.  2010 Projections:  70/20/80/.280/12

31. Raul Ibanez – If it wasn’t for his home park playing like a wiffle ball stadium, I would’ve dropped him further because of his 2nd half.  Since I think my buck-fifty frame could hit 25 homers in Citizen’s Bank, I’m willing to give Ibanez the benefit of the doubt.  2010 Projections:  85/27/100/.270/3

32. Johnny Damon – He’s like the Brian Roberts of the outfield.  Homers go up, steals go down.  Steals go up, homers go down.  Put it together, Damon, your time is running out.  2010 Projections:  100/20/75/.290/15

33. Nate McLouth – Torii minus fifteen points on average or CarGo with no upside.  It’s okay, but if you have an erection for longer than ten minutes after drafting McLouth, you should seek immediate medical attention.  2010 Projections:  95/20/75/.260/20

34. Hunter Pence -This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Reimold.  I call this tier, “I wanted to rank all of these guys higher.”  I.e., I like the guys in this tier.  They’re not slam dunks, but to varying degrees I’m very excited about them.  Do I want an outfield of, say, Pence, Bruce and Reimold?  No, not at all.  That’s too much of a good thing.  That good thing being upside. re: Pence; he’s going to be the magical 27 years old in 2010 when baseball players don a green hat similar to one seen in Leprechaun: In The Hood and their power reaches its peak.  A big season is in store.  2010 Projections:  85/30/100/.295/15

35. Andrew McCutchen – Yes, in the tier of guys I’m gunning for is an Astro, a Pirate, a Red and an Oriole.  Ugh, this means I’m gonna have to watch these teams during the season.  Alas, we’ll save that setback for the season.  Check it, some of the things you just can’t figure.  Why is Victorino ranked above The Dread Pirate when their projections are near-identical?  Because, for three years in a row, Victorino has already done what The Dread Pirate could do.  McCutchen is the brand new model, the 2010 Victorino.  2010 Projections:  90/15/60/.280/30

36. Jay Bruce -  As Master Gee would say, “Well, it’s on on on on on on on on.”   Went over my Jay Bruce fantasy already.  I like, friend.  I’m practically daffy for him.  Do I like him as much as Bill James who projected him for 38 homers and 10 steals?  Only Bruce’s Mom loves him that much.  2010 Projections:  80/30/95/.270/7

37. Carlos Gonzalez – He’ll probably only give you McLouth numbers, so please keep expectations in check.  Okay, enough of that.  He’s going to be awesome!!!!! (Extra exclamation marks were texted in by my twelve year old niece.)  2010 Projections:  85/18/70/.275/20

38. Nolan Reimold – Has 10 steal speed, 25 homer power, should hit around .290… Holy crap, Markakis is a Russian nesting doll and inside him is Reimold!  (For further reading on my Reimold fantasy.)  2010 Projections:  85/25/95/.290/10

39. Garrett Jones -  Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen for 2010 fantasy baseball post.  2010 Projections:  65/25/80/.255/12

40. Michael Bourn – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Pierre.  I call this tier, “SAGNOF!”  As for Bourn, see tier name.  2010 Projections:  100/4/40/.270/55

There will be a top 60 outfielder post, but here’s four names on the top 40 outfielders for 2010 fantasy baseball that I need to point out because you can’t just end a SAGNOF tier without these guys:

40 1/5. Nyjer Morgan – See Bourn, Michael or 1/3 of an inch above.  2010 Projections:  105/4/45/.300/45

40 2/5. Rajai Davis – Too many speed schmohawks and not enough space.  2010 Projections:  80/4/40/.290/50

40 3/5. Julio Borbon – Portmanteau’ing Bourn, Morgan, Rajai, Borbon and Pierre and you get Mijerio Pierogies.  The one Hispanic man in all of Poland.  (Further reading on the Borbon fantasy.)  2010 Projections:  90/8/40/.300/40

40 4/5. Juan Pierre – He’s not French, but he can make love to your face with his steals.  2010 Projections:  95/1/40/.300/45

With the top 40 outfielders, we’ve finished all the recaps for hitters.  (Here’s all the final 2009 fantasy baseball rankings.  They’re also to your left… your other left.  And down.)  Pitching recap will begin next.  (NOTE:  The end of the season rankings are based on ESPN’s Player Rater.  I felt the easiest way to keep it objective would to go this course.  This way when I say someone finished 30th and I ranked them 23rd in the preseason it carries more weight.  Does this mean I think ESPN’s Player Rater is perfect?  No.  It’s just an objective third party to see how well my preseason rankings did.)  Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

21. Carlos Lee – How did he only get 65 Runs?  He played in a 160 games.  He batted .300.  He hit 26 homers.  He hit 4th the entire year.  Oh, wait, I know.  Geoff Blum hit 5th for the Astros in 171 at-bats.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  100/33/110/.300/7, Final Numbers:  65/26/102/.300/5

22. Andre Ethier – Maybe it’s because of the pitcher’s park or the pitcher’s division, but I never fully get behind Dodgers hitters.  Lukewarm on Russell Martin, Loney, Hudson, Furcal, Blake, Ethier and Manny.  Kemp I’m crazy for, but I think you have to be crazy to not be crazy for him.  Preseason Rank #46, 2009 Projections:  80/17/75/.290/5, Final Numbers:  92/31/106/.272/6

23. Michael Cuddyer – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen.  Final Numbers:  93/32/94/.276/6

24. Nick Markakis - Here we see the problem with relying on 25 homer power.  In an off year, they hit 18 homers and you wanna strangle someone.  Markakis had two months where he hit one homer (June and September) and one month of 2 homers (April).  His speed continues to decline.  He now has back-to-back seasons of 5 homers vs. lefties.  Markakis isn’t done in my eyes (he’s only going to be 26 in 2010), but I really would like to see 30 homers before going caca-cuckoo for him.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  95/25/100/.310/10, Final Numbers:  94/18/101/.293/6

25. Nelson Cruz – His season was actually much better than this ranking and that will be reflected in January when I go over 2010 rankings.  I say it’s much better because Runs and RBIs are a symptom of the guys around him.  The homers and steals can’t be taught, and he has them.  He could easily be a top 15 outfielder with better Runs and RBIs.  Preseason Rank #49, 2009 Projections:  75/25/90/.270/10, Final Numbers:  75/33/76/.260/20

26. Rajai Davis – After the All-Star Break, he stole 30 bases and hit .325.  DNA samples taken in the 2nd half of the season showed there was a 99.8% chance that Rajai was Carl Crawford.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  65/3/48/.305/41

27. Jason Kubel – In February, I alluded to how he was better value than Jermaine Dye.  And that’s me alluding to me!  Preseason Rank #61, 2009 Projections:  80/20/80/.280, Final Numbers:  73/28/103/.300/1

28. Raul Ibanez – My call on him being a 2nd half hitter looked about as good as Lady Gaga’s clothing choices.  Preseason Rank #28, 2009 Projections:  85/25/110/.290/3, Final Numbers:  93/34/93/.272/4

29. Scott Podsednik – Sometime in May, Ozzie called him into his office.  This is what transpired.  “I want vintage Podsednik!”  “I don’t know if I have it in me, Skip.”  “Skip?!  What is that?  Punta talk?  Now go uncork a 2004 Podsednik!”  And he did.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  75/7/48/.304/30

30. Adam Dunn – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen.  Preseason Rank #23, 2009 Projections:  80/40/85/.245/5, Final Numbers:  81/38/105/.267

31. Hunter Pence – The same thing that hampered Carlos Lee also got Pence.  It’s called the lack of an Astros offense.  With a little help in Runs and RBIs, Pence would’ve been ranked much higher.  Preseason Rank #35, 2009 Projections:  85/28/95/.275/10, Final Numbers:  76/25/72/.282/14

32. Curtis Granderson - There was a whole lot of math done recently on Granderson’s year.  Long story short, he should’ve hit in the .270s rather than the .240s.  As is my wont, I usually ignore average anyway when a guy brings something else to the table.  Grandy brings 30/20.  That’s a whole lotta something else.  I feel like I may be owning Grandy next year on a few teams.  Preseason Rank #19, 2009 Projections:  115/22/75/.275/17, Final Numbers:  91/30/71/.249/20

33. Franklin Gutierrez – Back in February, I said, “I’m a fan of The Big FraGu.  Decent shot at being a cheap source of 15/15.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #63, 2009 Projections:  70/12/75/.260/16, Final Numbers:  85/18/70/.283/16

34. B.J. Upton – You know what would be nice?  Beej living up to(n) his potential.    Upton’s in the same category as Grandy.  Come February, I’ll be ignoring his bad average.  Preseason Rank #9, 2009 Projections:  95/20/80/.280/35, Final Numbers:  79/11/55/.241/42

35. Marlon Byrd – I suggested in the preseason that you grab Byrd and David Murphy and platoon them.  Turns out you would’ve done fine just owning them both and playing them.  Preseason Rank #68, 2009 Projections:  100/20/100/.285/10, Final Numbers:  66/20/89/.283/8

36. Nate McLouth – McLousy turned in an old school Mike Cameron season.  20/20 — yay!  .256 — eh.  Preseason Rank #18, 2009 Projections:  95/22/90/.270/22, Final Numbers:  86/20/70/.256/19

37. Andrew McCutchen – The Dread Pirate didn’t get his first at-bat of the season until June.  Go ahead, reread that sentence.  Now smize!  (The Tyra Banks definition, not the other one.)  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  74/12/54/.286/22

38. Brad Hawpe – Hawpe’s 2nd half was about as good as my ability to read Sumerian.  Apparently, the guy with the arrow on the ancient tablet means Hawpe shouldn’t be facing lefties.  Preseason Rank #34, 2009 Projections:  70/30/95/.280, Final Numbers:  82/23/86/.285/1

39. Juan Rivera – There should be a glossary term for these Juan Rivera types.  These players are available off of waivers in just about every 12 team league.  They don’t wow you with their numbers.  They don’t hurt your team.  They’re just there in your 5th outfielder slot.  Jason Kubel would be another one.  Each year, one steps up and does more than what is asked of them.  In 2008, it was Xavier Nady, this year it was Michael Cuddyer.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  72/25/88/.287

40. Chris Coghlan – Went over him in the top 20 3rd basemen post, Final Numbers:  84/9/47/.321/8

Clayton Kershaw has more Ks than innings.  Call me a K whore all you want, but that alone is enough for me to get excited about Kershaw in 2010.  Do I need to say more?  Probably not, but I will.  He’ll be 22 in March of 2010.  A 21-year-old who threw a season of a sub-3 ERA season in 170 innings.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious, right?  Yeah, they are.  For a long time I’ve been wavering between Kershaw and Max Scherzer.  Well, I’m ready to choose one now.  They’re both young.  (Though Kershaw’s almost four years younger.)  They both strike out hitters more than a batter per inning.  (Though Kershaw’s a bit better this year.)  One sounds like a Brit, one sounds like a Nazi.  In the morning, they both go to the local mall and walk with the seniors.  Wait, I’m misreading my notes.  They walk a lot of batters, not bitties.  Kershaw’s walk rate was actually worse than Scherzer.  So why am I choosing Kershaw?  The Dodgers limited his innings towards the end of the year and the Diamondbacks abused poor Scherzer.  In 2008, Scherzer threw 109 innings between the majors and minors.  In 2009, he threw 164.  That’s a pretty significant jump.  Now I’m not saying I’d keep Kershaw over a known hitter commodity, but I would consider keeping him for the 2010 fantasy baseball season.  Definitely over Scherzer.  Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball keepers for 2010:

Psyche!  Before we get into that, I wanted to point out a scheduling adjustment.  Fridays used to be our weekly Buy/Sell.  Well, that’s gone for the offseason and keepers will now be on Friday.  As they say in Jamaica — carry on (your head)!

Matt Wieters – .362/.425/.511 in September.  Just wanted to get the hype going early.  Carry on.

Rajai Davis – Sure, steals don’t have a face.  But, if they did, they’d look a lot like Rajai Davis.  Chances are if you own him, you have him on the very cheap.  A cheap guy that could get you 50 steals in 2010?  Where do I sign up?  (I can’t wait until someone finds us who Googles:  Where do I sign up? + cheap Nazi bitties)

How about them White Sox?!  Yeah, they chucked in the pale towel sometime between Ozzie Guillen’s Monday outburst and Ozzie Guillen’s Tuesday outburst of this week.  One of the pieces them grabbed that was hailed by many as being a stroke of genius was Jake Peavy.  Yeah, the Padres actually made a good trade there as Peavy struggles with an elbow injury.  Another piece, Alex Rios.  I think even Jessica Shaw would concur Rios is so fifteen minutes ago. He’s batting a cool .156 for the Sox with one homer and one steal.  Those stats are also known as Less Than What Drew Stubbs Did Any Day This Week.  You drafted Rios pretty high, I’m sure.  It didn’t work out.  Holding him is compounding your mistake. Anyway, here’s so other players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Brad Penny – For Christmas, I want a Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!  But I’ll settle for pitching in the NL.

Barry Zito – No, anyone but Zito! Has a 1.92 ERA since the ASB.  But please keep in mind his last blow out was a 4 1/3 IP, 9 ER game vs. the Padres.  So at any time, at any place he could say to you he just ran over your dog, Arfer Woofruff.

Brian Duensing/Jeff Manship – Why doesn’t Manship give his name a LaRoche-type flair?  A’la ManShip.  Much better, right?  Then DuenSing… Well, that kinda looks like an Asian prison name.  These guys may burn you like chlamydia, but if you need to take match-up chances with AL pitchers, I’d take them here.

Buster Posey – This is more about keepers.  Not girls that can tell you Carney Lansford’s career batting average.  Fantasy baseball keepers.

Wade Davis – Same as above.  Go ahead, shift your eyes up.  Too lazy?  Okay.  I’d only go after Davis in keepers.  Or, of course, AL-Only leagues.

Tim Hudson – 5 IP, 2 ER.  (<–Probable pitching line)  Act like you know, MC Lyte.

Franklin Morales – Huston Street’s MIA for a few days, giving way to Morales.

Phil Hughes – If Mariano has to miss time to prep for the playoffs, Hughes would probably get the majority of the saves.

Juan Gutierrez – SAGNOF!  I’d even grab Zavada and Vasquez in leagues where I’m really hurting for saves.

Brett Myers – I see Myers getting up to 3 saves in September, so think about how bad you need those 3 saves.

Brandon Allen – Strictly for power and in deep leagues.  He hit two homers in the last week and a third was robbed by Andre Ethier’s Mom’s son.

Casey McGehee – 3 HRs and 9 RBIs in the last four games.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t steal any bases, but if you need MI pop, there ya go.

Felix Pie – I’ve mentioned him so much in the last few days, I got Pee-ay coming out my ears.  If you haven’t heard me mention him, where ya been?  Vacay?  That’s nice.  Hope you SPF’d the proper areas.  Skin damage is only cool when you’re under 25.

Andy Marte – Loving me some Marte in some leagues.  Why, Grey?  Do tell, you *pinkie to mouth* Smarte. Sure, random italicized voice.  3 homers in the last 7 games for Marte.  Added bonus:  No relation to Damaso.

Yunel Escobar – Batting near .400 in the last week with two homers.  He goes hot to cold quickly, so grab him no or forever hold your peace.  Or piece, if you’re gangsta.

Michael Brantley – My ‘pert radar is telling me Sizemore’s not long for this season.  Brantley’s got speed.  SAGNOF!

Drew Stubbs – He should only be steals, but he’s been showing power.  The power will stop, the Ks and steals will begin.  Any day now, Annie Potts.

Rajai Davis – He’s only listed here because he’s owned in less than 30% of ESPN leagues.  Why is he owned in less than 30% of ESPN leagues?!  Seriously.  He had 15 steals in August and he’s batting near .400 in the last week.

Matt Diaz – It’s Dye-as.  Lefty killer.  Lately, slaughtering both sides.  Anyone who’s read this site for a long time knows that I’ve always liked Diaz as a platoon outfielder. (Play him against his strong side, sit vs. weak side.  Kinda like I’ve been doing with David Murphy and The Big FraGu in one league.)  Really Diaz should be in your lineup vs. everyone until further notice.

SELL

Homer Bailey – Love to be the bearer of good news, but I don’t have any good news for you.  I have bad news.  Bad, unfortunate, sad news.  Bailey has three solid starts in a row, but two were against the Pirates.  If you have to take chances, I kinda understand it.  But Bailey gets the Rockies then the Cubs.  Don’t mind if I don’t.

Brian Matusz/Chris Tillman – Headed for Camp Shutdown.

Kyle Davies – Has back-to-back wins that have netted him a 2.25 ERA and 11 Ks in 12 innings.  Sounds nice, right?  One was vs. the A’s and one was against the M’s.

Adam Jones – Jones is done-zo.

Josh Willingham – Lately, he looks likes the one-tool outfielder he’s always been.

If you can’t find a high risk/high reward outfielder on your waivers right now, you’re just not trying very hard.  Sorta on topic, I feel like picking up the latest high risk/high reward hitter is like double dog daring your leaguemates.  You think picking up Snider is risky?  I just picked up Wladimir Balentien! Oh, yeah?  I’m grabbing Matt Diaz and Chase Headley!  *beads a sweat from random italicized voice*  Fine, I’ll grab Angel Pagan! As for Travis Snider, he’s still very young and raw like a nice piece of toro.  If you need pop, he’s worth a flier in all leagues to see if you can catch some lightning in a bottle, Thor.  Though he’s just as capable of striking out 30 times in the next month and batting .130 as he is of hitting 8 homers.  If your itchy for rookie nookie, go for it.  Just beware the rash.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy and sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Matt LaPorta – The MLP Package is on in Cleveland.  Now it’s up to LaPorta to make it watchable.

Drew Stubbs – Has great speed and BBQ.

Kyle Blanks – For power, you could do worse.  Fun fact about Kyle Blanks, every year for Halloween, he dresses as Michael Clarke Duncan and he wears no costume.

Julio Borbon – Great, terrific, wonderful.  All signs pointing to fantastic.  Could win Player of the Week.  Has a long way to go to being worthwhile for an extended period of time, but while he’s hot, grab him.

Carlos Gonzalez – We’re all gonna go blind if I keep flagellating Carlos Gonzalez.

Rajai Davis – SAGNOF!  I’m only mentioning him again, because he’s still only owned in 25% of ESPN leagues.  Even if 75% of ESPN leagues are abandoned… Wait, does that means he’s 100% owned?  Hmm… Color me confused.

Bronson Arroyo – He’s had one bad start since the All-Star Break.  That is all.

Billy Wagner – Lukewarm buy here.  If you really need saves, okay.  But he needs to not only get dealt, but he needs to end up on a team where he’ll be getting saves.

Mark Ellis – Picking up Mark Ellis and an orangutan couldn’t even get Jane Goodall’s nipples hard, but Ellis has been hot and he has 2nd base eligibility, so there.

Jeff Baker – I almost went with the title, The Fabulous Baker Boy and Jeff Baker as the lead.  Jeff Baker?  Boy, perhaps.  Fabulous?  Seems to be overselling him.  Wow, this is already shaping up to be a major sell on this buy.  So what can we expect of Jeff Baker?  He has great eligibility!  How’s that for a buy?  He has good pop that never fully materialized in Colorado.  So now it’s going to materialize? Yeah, I know what you’re saying.  He hit 20+ homers in his last full year of Triple-A.  He also has ten steal speed over an entire season.  Right now, he’s the Cubs starting 2nd baseman.  So if you need some pop from your MI slot, Baker’s worth a look.

SELL

Aubrey Huff – I didn’t like him at all in the preseason.  Then when he was terrible, I looked at his 2nd half splits.  Splits, indeed.  But like Biff Tannen, make like a banana.   I’m done ever liking him.

Brett Anderson/Trevor Cahill -  Way over their innings.  Beane needs to either shut them down or trade them for seven first round picks.

David Price – Another guy that’s pushing the limits of what a young pitcher should throw.  Murmurs say Sonnanstine will be taking over Price’s rotation spot in September.  Murmurs also say, the guy on Megan Wants a Millionaire is a murderer, but I really want to see the rest of the season.  C’mon, VH1!  This could be the best TV ever.  He goes to open a wine bottle and you try to imagine what he’s thinking about holding a corkscrew.

Ryan Doumit – I preach patience with catchers relying on the Ron Popeil, “Set It and Forget It” method.  I’m going to make an exception for Doumit because he’s been terrible.  Even the Pirates have noticed his egregiousness and moved him down the order.  When the Pirates are moving guys down the order, it’s time to abandon ship.

Hiroki Kuroda – Regarding his concussion, he said through a translator, “The first two days I had a hard time sleeping and I even had a dream about getting hit.”  The translator was Nicole Kidman.  Weird!

Travis Hafner – At this point, the only advantage to owning Hafner would be to use his head to crack open walnuts.