Some prospectors talk about the #Prospectlife and others live it. Michael Halpern and I live that prospect life all day errday. It’s why we’re bringing you our next installment of system previews with the well stocked Colorado Rockies. We talk about our love of Coors inflated bats, and our distaste for Rocks pitchers. Maybe you disagree, maybe you’re a non-conformist type that bucks the trend. That’s okay, we embrace all types here on the Prospect Podcast. While we’re at it join any and all of my leagues. We also discuss some hot stove, and how I was molested by a senior citizen at a family party. Yes this episode has it all! Colorado Rockies Prospects mostly though. Raise your pinkie rings to the air, it’s the latest edition of the Razzball Prospect Podcast.

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Is there truly any system more worthy of your attention than Colorado’s? That’s not even a commentary on their high end talent or depth, as much as it is a commentary on Coors being awesome for boosting hitter’s value. The problem is due to this Ibiza for hitting reality, the Rockies have focused their efforts on acquiring top amateur pitching talent. So many of these top arms are sentenced to a fate worth than cleaning Billy Butler’s toilet after a Chili Cookoff. Pitching half of your games in the high altitude of Denver. Hey, at least they can smoke away the pain of bad home starts. Am I right? After graduating three strong talents into the majors last season in Jonathan Gray, David Dahl, and Trevor Story, the Rocks have another trio ready to contribute in the big leagues this season in Tom Murphy, Raimel Tapia, and Jeff Hoffman. As always any Rockies hitter has value, and any Rockies pitcher is worth treading lightly on. So read on, and learn who the Top Colorado Rockies Prospects are for 2017.

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Hehe, I’m crazy for Rockies players.  You know why, so don’t play coy, though your baby blues are kinda cute when you’re playing coy.  Okay, play coy, walk to the end of the bar and look back and wink.  What the hell are you doing?!  I was being facetious!  Ugh, now I have to imagine you give me the looksies!  By the way, speaking of someone giving you the looksies, but not for good, but rather for evil.  I was at my local coffee place the other day, and, it was early, and I needed my coffee to function, and I was likely in the wrong, but that’s neither here nor there.  So, you know how the fancy coffee places have the lids by the garbage rather than putting them on?  I get my coffee and I head over for a lid.  A girl that was at the lid station backs up right as I get there and I narrowly avoid her and slide in to the garbage ledge by the lids.  Pretty slick maneuver, if I do say so.  However, it turns out by doing that I cut in front of a little person who had a steaming hot cup of coffee and also wanted to get a lid.  So, he stares at me like he wants to kill me and I say, “What?”  Well, that sets him off from zero to hundred and he starts screaming, “WHAT?!  WHAT?!”  Repeatedly.  And all I see is his cup of coffee potentially being thrown in my face, so I say, “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”  And I think he took this to mean he was so short I couldn’t have saw him, so he starts cursing at the top of his lungs and staring me down until an employee of the coffee place steps between us.  Yes, I nearly got into an altercation with an angry little person at 7:30 AM on a Saturday.  Offseason!  So, like I was saying, Rockies players, rawr!  Today’s special installment is about Raimel Tapia.  He was called up this past year in September, which is obviously a less angry cup of coffee.  He saw 38 ABs, hit .263 and stole three bases.  This is not the last we’ve seen of him!  Actually, it was the first.  Anyway, what can we expect from Raimel Tapia in 2017 fantasy baseball?

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“What about Asdrubal?  Asdrubal, Cron, Buxton, Peraza, Morales and Puig?  Puig, Morales, Asdrubal, Buxton and Morales?  Have I already mentioned Morales?  What about Puig?  What about Cron?  WHAT ABOUT CRON?!  Hardwiring is smoking!  I think I’m overheating!  Don’t throw water on me, I’ll short circuit!” It’s too late.  As the water hits the Fantasy Master Lothario’s mainframe, a sickening mix of smoke and sizzle expels from his metal joints.  He staggers to a pole and places his metal hand down.  With one last flicker, he looks up with his metallic, blue eyes and asks hopefully, “Is Puig facing a lefty?”  And shuts down.  The metal pole he placed his hand on wasn’t just any pole, it hung Old Glory.  As if the ghost of George Washington himself was a fan, the American flag lowers onto the Lothario’s shoulders, draping him like a metal Kid Rock.  If only people would’ve just picked up C.J. Cron!  My one major quibble with Cron — Or is it queef?  I always confuse those two. — is Cron going to have The Sciosciapath try to outsmart the universe and start benching one of the hottest hitters?  Not even the Sciosciapath can answer that, for he does not know what his brain tells him to do.  Plus, he’s crazy.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the Buy/Sell, just wanted to say a huge fantasy football announcement is coming in the next few days.  Let’s just say it sounds like Stream-o-Nator, but it’s got a football vibe to it.  And it’s less lonely.  Oh, Stream-o-Nator so lonely!  I wonder if the Stream-o-Nator and Hitter-Tron ever tried to date.  Anyway II, the Buy/Sell:

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Happy Thursday everyone! I hope you’re all shaking off the dust from a productive Burning Man, and are looking to fine tune your offseason dynasty strategy. Actually I don’t really wish those things, it was just the first thing that popped into my head. With that said, welcome back to another episode of the Razzball Prospect Podcast with myself, Prospector Ralph, and Michael Halpern of Imaginarybrickwall.com. This week on the pod we talk Byron Buxton‘s resurgence, Rockies rookies Raimel Tapia and Tom Murphy (of course!!), and the curious case of Shohei Otani. Then as always we get into this week’s edition of “Lists w/ Prospectors”, as Halp and I take your through our Outfield Prospect ranks. We discuss in painful detail, such luminaries as Austin Meadows, Victor Robles, Lewis Brinson, Bradley Zimmer, Eloy Jimenez, and several others. Enough with the words! Subscribe, tune in, and tune out. It’s the latest edition of the Razzball Prospect Podcast.

And be sure to check out the newest episode of the Razzball Football Podcast with Tehol, Zach, special guest Ramona from SportsGalPal, and Jay going over the first week of the NFL!

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Before Magic Mike and Magic Mike XXL – and before you ask, yes there was such a time…and why do you demarcate things around such a movie? God, you’re weird – there was The Full Monty. The Full Monty was about a bunch of white guys who took off their clothes for money, just like Magic Mike. It was also a comedy, just like Magic Mike. Serious question: why is it so damn funny when a white guy takes his clothes off? I mean, we weren’t SUPPOSED to laugh when Showgirls did it…even though we did because if we didn’t laugh, we’d cringe. It seems racist and misandrist to me, but then I just stripped in front of the mirror myself and even I had to laugh. What is wrong with me and the world…well, that was a short-lived moment of self-awareness and poignancy, so let’s talk about Mike Montgomery instead. Admittedly, there’s not much to see here in terms of season stats since he’s really only been a spot starter and a middle relief arm for most of the year. That said, he’s only been in the rotation for three games with the Cubs and from the looks of it, I wouldn’t say the Cubs are going to suppress his pitch count when you factor in the 91 he threw against the Dodgers just a start prior. Basically, here’s what I see: a guy with a K/9 in the 8 range, going against a team with a K% in the 25 range, at a price point in the $4,300 range. Ok, $4,300 isn’t a range, it’s his exact salary and that salary plays gloriously into punt range. Really, if he returns you 16 DK points – which, with a win, is very within reach – you’re gonna be absolutely fine cuz he let you beef up elsewhere. Hell, you could even throw a few more dollars into some dude’s golden lame thong if you’re into that thing. Just don’t laugh when you do, it hurts my feelings…I mean THEIR feelings! So with that, let’s move on to this. Here’s my thunder from down under taeks for this Wednesday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday September 12th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

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We interrupt your regularly scheduled Grey post for my shenanigans.  Hi all, I’m Razzball’s resident Troy McClure.  You might remember me from such times as when I used to write more than just our DFS content.  Yes I do, in fact, still write on here and yes I just, in fact, pimped some of our writings.  *Slides on shades* deal with it and if you don’t like it, take it up with Grey who told me he had a bout of food poisoning.  As I’ve reminded him more than once, just because Ted eats out of the trash can doesn’t mean he has to, too.  I won’t mention what he said about Cougs’ cooking and it’s comparison there of with regards to said trash can.  I don’t rat on my friends, I’m just that kind of guy.  But now that we’ve been cordially reacquainted with the writer that is moi, let’s get on to Jonathan Villar.  Went 3/5 and had a delicious slam (13) and legs (52).  Was sexting with JFOH the other day about Villar since I owned him everywhere this year including my keeper and am looking to 2017 with him.  Thankfully, Virtual Reality isn’t really available on smartphones just yet.  Can only imagine what that eggplant emoji would do…anyhoo, the thoughts on Jonathan overflowed.  On the one hand, the BABIP (.396) has to come down given his K rate (26.2%), but on the other, he does the right thing by taking plenty of walks (11.3%), hitting the ball on the ground (55.8% GB rate), and is 8th in the MLB in pitches per plate appearance.  All and all he’ll be drafted too high in 2017, but still looks good for .270, 10 HRs, and 40 steals.  Or as Grey likes to call him, the Delino DeShields that wasn’t.  Ow, I just felt how cold that was and I was just on the delivery end of it!  Anyways, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball…(<— yes, I did copy and paste it; don’t mess with the recipe, fool!).

Football has arrived! Our Rankings (rated highly and in the top-20 percentile of all experts the past two years) for Week 1 can be found here!

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The Royals are fun, no gimmick team to watch.  They aren’t really mashers, and they aren’t really a base-to-base team.  They are a cross of both, and masters of none kinda thing.  With the recent injury to Cain, who has been nursing a wrist injury, Jarrod Dyson has found himself a regular seat at the big boy table.  He always had the ability to steal bases, and by what we are witnessing as of late, it is that if given the opportunity for regular at-bats those SB numbers could blossom into something actually useful.  Over the last 30 days, he has more at-bats than any other 30-day span this year and the SB tally is a complete reflection of it.  He had 13 steals in the first half in 172 plate appearances, and in the second half, with more starts, he has 12 in 95,  The falloff in production, who could expect a lot from Paulo Orlando and the injury to Cain, seem to have cemented him in the top of the lineup for at least the next few games.  If nothing else, he is a pinch-run threat and with 25 total steals to date, could be an asset for a spot play down the stretch as we should be maximizing every angle or roster spot possible.  Available in 94% of RCL leagues and currently not just rewarding with steals, as he has 4 runs and 3 RBI’s over his last seven.  Not a true one-trick pony, sorta like the Royals.  Let’s see what else is on the get down with the Saves/Steals Ain’t Got No Face department…

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Not quite as spiritually moving as John Lennon, but imagine for a moment Jose Abreu were to actually put together two solid halves in the same year.  “Imagine there’s no heaven, it’s easy if you try.  No ‘He’ll end up below Andrus,’ for half the year.  Above Andrus only this Jose guy.  Imagine Abreu playing a decent, full season like today.  Aha-ha…  Imagine there’s no countries.  It isn’t hard to do.  Nothing to drop or trade for, and no ‘Abreu’s so cold it’s like this hell has a fridge in it’ too.  Imagine all the people living to get a piece of…Abreu…  You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one!  I hope some day Abreu’ll be better than Andrus, and play an entire season as one.”  So, Jose Abreu hit two homers yesterday (3-for-7, 7 RBIs, and 21st and 22nd HRs), and he’s been great recently, but it’s hard to get that excited about a guy for 2017 who invariably takes three months off every year.  Can’t imagine he’s a top 25 player ever again.  You-WHO-OOH!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Deadline day baby, one of the most exciting and nerve wrecking times for fantasy owners across the land. I’m not going to talk extensively about it the way I did on Wednesday. Mostly because I’m not allowed to write the same post twice. At least as far as I know. Only Tehol’s allowed to do that stuff, but he’s handsome. We call that bubble syndrome, handsome, and really all attractive people in general, live in a bubble. You know who doesn’t live in a bubble, but is built exactly like one? Josh Naylor!!! That’s right A.J. Pro-Preller continues to trade-rape the MLB and horde A-1 prospects the same way your Grandma hordes Precious Moments figurines. This time they traded Andrew Cashner and Colin Rea for Josh Naylor, Luis Castillo, Carter Capps, and Jarred Cosart. We have no need to get into Cosart or Capps, but Naylor is interesting, Castillo less so. The Marlins selected Naylor in the first round, 12th overall, in last year’s draft. So far the returns have been promising, but let’s be clear Naylor is an “unathletic” DH/1B type. He was drafted as a 1B/OF coming out of the prep circuit, but his future lies as a first sacker. He’s been billed as a power first guy, but his power at this point has only been middling. He’s surprisingly swiped 10 bags though. The hope is the young Naylor develops the power stroke and eventually matures into a 25-30 homer corner guy. I’m not as hopeful as some about that happening.

Oh don’t worry I’ll get into my take on top catching prospect Francisco Mejia, and three others moving from the Indians system to the Brewers for Jonathan Lucroy. Feel free to post rumors, deals, hopes, and dreams, etc in the comments. Let’s talk specs and trades y’all!

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