Kila Ka’aihue will need a nickname if he plans on being as good as he looked in the minors this year. How about Misplaced Apostrophe? Nope. Ka’aihue hits home runs and, get this, doesn’t strikeout. Weird! Check this out, Tootsie Roll. He had 67 strikeouts and 104 walks. Sign me up! Wait, you haven’t even heard the exciting part yet. He hit the fourth most HRs in the minor leagues in 2008 with 37, which were hit between Double-A and Triple-A. How about the nickname, Keanu? It means Cool Breeze Over the Mountains in Hawaiian. Nope. Ka’aihue has to battle for playing time on the Royals, but if he gets some, I’d take a flier in AL-Only leagues and monitor closely in keeper leagues and mixed leagues. How about The Big Island? Hmm, that’s not bad. Anyway, here’s some other fantasy baseball players to buy and sell:

BUY

Josh Fields - With Crede suffering from back pain (Crede should totally go see my acupuncturist. She speaks no English and she tries to charge me double every time I go, but still she’s like Anne Sullivan with needles.), Guillen turns to Uribe, a guy that somehow has had a major league career. C’mon, Josh Fields Forever…

Josh Anderson - Who’s this effin’ schmohawk Grey’s touting this week? Easy there, guy. I’ll slice you. Josh Anderson has started every game in the last week and he has a home run and three steals. If you’re hurting for steals, you can do worse.

Mike Lowell - If he was dropped in your league, he’d due back today.

Dexter Fowler - Worth a NL-Only flier in keeper leagues. He might be someone to look at late in the season if/when the Rox get Elimidated by the Dodgers and Diamondbacks. He might not have a spot next year, but I think the Rox are going to do all they can to move on from Taveras.

Brandon Wood - Starting just about every game. When the Angels clinch, which is academic at this point, Wood should see even more time as Scioscia gives his regulars some rest.

Travis Snider - I mentioned picking up Travis Snider earlier today. And that’s me linking to me!

James Loney - My first baseman had a second name, it’s L-O-N-E-Y. He’s a .370 September hitter.

Casey Kotchman - Since we’re talking about 1st basemen that don’t have a cholesterol problem. Kotchman bats near .320 in September.

Rafael Furcal - At middle infield, you can afford to gamble on a DL slot.

Mike Hessman - With the Tigers playing for nothing and Guillen hurting, Hessman could see time at 3rd base. He had 32 home runs in Triple-A this year and he was awesome in Head of the Class.

SELL

Carlos Zambrano - He’s inflammed! Inflammed, I tell ya!

Mike Lamb -Well, he got the “out like a Lamb” part right.

Carlos Gomez - Bad week for Carloses (Carli?). In some leagues, where I’m desperate for steals, I’m holding him, but the Twins have been going out of their way to find other options. You probably should too.

Brandon Morrow - Let’s be realistic, he hasn’t been that good in the minors while stretching myself out, he pitches for the Mariners (F-Her is 9-9) and he won’t last much longer than six innings in any start. If you’re in a pinch, I could see taking a flier. Caveat emptor, for those in Latin America.

Gary Sheffield - He’d show you, but he’s too old; too banged up and too fuckin’ blind– I mean… See the first two.

Evan Longoria - I had my doubts about Longoria returning, and now he’s yet to pickup a bat, 4 days after he was supposedly returning. There’s. Three. Weeks. Left.

Carlos Guillen - This is the time of year that regulars give way to rooks, especially on clubs that are out of it. This goes double for guys who are battling injury. En garde, Injury!

Carlos Quentin - Actually, it’s an awful week for Carloses. He has a fractured wrist. Drop him in all leagues, except keepers.

In one league, Rudy just traded Capps for Victorino and in another league he traded Capps for Billingsley. That’s right; he pulled off a classic double upper-decker. (I believe the term upper-decker is still, erm, dangling right outside of the glossary, but with some momentum in the forums it might make it in. I’ve objected and Rudy recommended Jokey Smurf’d, which I do enjoy, even if I don’t get it. And, yes, these are the things that matter to me.) So Capps is out for at least 8 weeks with a right shoulder injury. He’s not coming back. If he does, he comes back for what? One Day in September (great movie, by the way). The Pirates are playing for 2012. They don’t need Capps. Buh-buh-buh what if he recovers quickly?! He didn’t get many saves as it was. Kobayashi probably will get more saves replacing Borowski than Capps the rest of the way. So… *rubbing hands together* who gets the saves? More than likely, it’s Marte. He’s a lefty so if he falters, it might be the dreaded committee. Marte should be able to handle the one-to-two-saves-a-week he’s given. If you’re really a save vulture, fiending like Pookie in New Jack City, then grab Yates. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Rafael Furcal - Well, I said yesterday that Furcal probably won’t be contributing much this year. Now it seems like he won’t contribute anything. How do you go from a sore back to back surgery after two months of rehabilitation? Seriously, they couldn’t have operated two months ago? Maybe when he got hurt? Not after he rehabbed. Ugh, this is frustrating. I hate Furcal.

The Angels - The regular readers probably already know this, but I live in Los Angeles. So my hometown teams are the Dodgers and the trying-hard-to-be-the-Dodgers Angels. Well, I managed to get to July before I watched a whole Angels game. I tend to watch the NL and I have Direct TV, so I usually watch all teams rather than one in particular. I have favorites to watch, in no particular order, the Marlins, Brewers, Braves, Cubs, Padres, Rays, Rangers, Phillies, Diamondbacks, Mets… Wait, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, the Angels. I watched them today. Holy mother of the inventor of Doritos, they are boring. I think my eyes yawned. Here’s some things I saw that I didn’t want to: Kendrick sparking the offense with slap hits, not being able to gauge if Eveland/Saunders are good or the Angels/A’s are bad, the OC kids jumping around like/with rally monkeys, Red Hudler saying, “That’s how Vladdy goes… From his heads to his toes…” and thinking how ironic it is that there’s a minority owner, but The OC is known as The Orange Curtain because of its lack of minorities. For fantasy baseball purposes, I saw a few things. Juan Rivera hit a home run. He could have a decent second half, he’s done it before. Chone Figgins looks unusable. It’s still early so he could put together a 15 steal month, but it may not be this month. Vladimir Guerrero looks like he’s suffering more this year than previous years, causing him to run like Cousin Geri from the Facts of Life. Bobby Crosby batting third is good for Crosby and bad for the A’s. Erick Aybar batted third and homered. I think Scioscia’s tipping ‘em back with LaRussa.

Roger Berandina - He was mentioned in the forums or the comments (Heffin’ hey, I gotta keep track of where things are mentioned too?). I thought Berandina was a solid NL-only pickup in a keeper league. He has speed, he’s batting leadoff until Milledge returns and he looks like he couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a broom. Eugenio Velez called, he wants his fantasy baseball outlook back.

Ricky Nolasco - 7 IP, 8 Ks, 2 ER. I’m told his name in Gaelic translates to “this start was against a team that had Paul LoDuca at first and Berandina leading off.” However, I do like Nolasco moving forward, even when LoDuca isn’t the opposing first baseman. (BTW, I went to look at what I’ve said in the past on this site about LoDuca and I found this, “(LoDuca) says he wants to prove the Mets wrong. I say, how? By hitting 7 homers and twelve doubles.” And that’s me laughing at me!

Jay Bruce - In five games, he’s at 12/6/16/.680/2. Unfortunately, those games are scattered all over the place. (Someone at Elias Sports Bureau just died from my misuse of stats.) Okay, after Bruce’s two homer game last night, you have two options. First option, you smile and congratulate yourself on holding Bruce through his lean times. Second option, you sell him because you know he hit those two home runs off a Pirates pitcher that might be named Van Beanstalk. You make the call!

Xavier Nady - 2 HRs. I kinda wish I took my own advice and picked him up on the 2nd day of the season. If I did, I wouldn’t have Adam Lind on one team.

Adam Lind - Watchoo talkin’ ’bout, Xavier Nady’s player news? I hit a home run last night.

Chris Davis - Hit another HR. Now has 3 in like 2 at-bats to go along with five Ks or something. Listen, it’s more of the same, you take the flier if you can afford to drop someone because you never know where something great is going to come from. He Ks and hits home runs. That’s what he do. He can hit 20 home runs in half a season. Most veterans won’t do that. I’ve bought in in three leagues, I dropped Ken Griffey Jr., Pedro Martinez and Jorge Campillo. Oh, and I still can’t pick him up in one league — Yahoo Fantasy Baseball sucks.

Daryl Thompson - This guy’s numbers in the minors were major (<—-pun!). Unfortunately, it seems like he’s now being rushed.  Luckily, he has Dusty to nurture him and watch his pitch counts.

Jeff Francis - To the DL. That’s the Disgraced List.

Clayton Kershaw - Back to Double-A. Looks like Alyssa Milano will have to find someone else to give herpes to.

Chris Snyder - Came down with Jockular Sphincteritis. IowaCubs, a frequent commenter, said Snyder busted a nut. That’ll be a tough line to beat for Razzball Comment ‘O Week.

J.R. Towles - Member that doooode that no one could get enough in the preseason? Yeah, he’s back. His return isn’t because of great production in the minors; Quintero is on the 15-day DL.

Yorvit Torrealba - It’s getting warm in Coors and balls are jumping out. I’m licking stamps and thinking about shipping Navarro off on a few teams.

Steven Pearce - I mentioned him in the Buy/Sell last week. Well, Steven Pearce was just called up by the Pirates. Okay, here’s the thing. There’s nowhere to play him, but the Pirates will be sellers (as they have been for years) at this trading deadline. So they could move LaRoche, Bay or Nady within a week and Pearce then gets a long look. NL-only people need to grab him immediately. Mixed leaguers need to wait and see.

Pedro Martinez - I’m dropping him in all ten team leagues. This was Rudy and I over IM yesterday, Rudy, “Are you starting Pedro @ STL?” Me, “No, I’m done with Pedro. And since I can’t start him, there’s no reason to hold onto him. He’s gone.” “Yeah, you make some really good calls when it comes to fantasy baseball. They should call this hobby of ours, Grey’s fantasy baseball. In fact, they should call hobbies — Grebbies. To work your name in there.” “I agree.”

Chris Duncan - Hit another home run. He’s getting hot. Definitely worth substituting in when he’s facing righties. In other Duncan news, Shelley dislocated his shoulder giving a high five.

Chase Headley - HR yesterday, now 4 HRs since callup to go along with 18 Ks and 0 walks. But, Grey, you tout Davis who Ks and doubt Headley? Are you facist? No, but Davis has immense power and he plays in Texas. Headley has solid power and he plays in a stadium that makes Randy Wolf look awesome. Speaking of which…

Randy Wolf - 7 ER in 4 IP. He said after the game that he felt like the “worst pitcher in baseball.” I say, “Only on the road, Randy. Only on the road.”

There’s probably more relevant fantasy baseball stories that could’ve been the lead for today’s post, but guess what? I love me some suffering of others. Honestly, I would’ve named the site schadenfreude-ball.com, but I thought that would cause this blog to be a hotbed of lederhosen pictures and Wiener schnitzel recipes. (Personally, I have no problem with either, but when Google indexes you, it’s important you are in no way connected to lederhosen or Wiener schnitzel. I believe it goes back to the Potsdam Conference. BTW, for those history buffs out there, I got a kick out of this in Wikipedia, “In March 1945, Finland declares war on Germany.” In case anyone doesn’t follow, Hitler killed himself in April 1945. Way to step up, Finland. They’re like the defensive replacement that comes into the ninth inning of game seven of a championship game. They get to celebrate, but you know they didn’t do anything. Finland is Doug Mientkiewicz. But I digress.) So, with The Love Guru bombing and Brett sent down, July 2008 was a bad month to be a Myers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Cain - Okay, full disclosure. I have Matt Cain on one of my teams and he’s been sitting on the bench for a majority of the season, but I’m holding him because I think he can be better. Yesterday, he was better. 8 IP, 2 H, 0 ER, 10 Ks.

Chipper Jones - Avoided the DL. Yesterday I said, it looked like Chipper was headed to the DL. I didn’t Celebracadabra this shizz out of thin air. Manager Bobby Cox said he was shocked Jones didn’t hit the DL. Honestly, if you’re in Reno and there’s even odds for Chipper going on the DL, you double down. And don’t forget to tip your waitresses.

Troy Percival - Back to the DL and it wasn’t Wheeler last night for the save… It was Balfour! True, what? I am a True Fushnick! It’s fantasy baseball that I kick. But it was Balfour because Wheeler had gone three days in a row. Wheeler will get the majority of the saves going forward. You want a limb? How’s this — Wheeler gets more saves than Percival in the 2nd half.

Jeff Kent - HR last night. Why can’t he get more home runs in the 2nd half than he got in the first? Cause he’s 40. Well, yeah, but I think he’s too stubborn to totally suck. He has nine home runs right now. I think he gets 12 more. Wow, 12 more! Can I drop Ryan Howard now?! Well, ain’t you smart. Kinsler/Phillips both only had 13 in the 1st half. So 12’s something.

John Danks - 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, he reminds me of a manadrin orange. It looks all weird and shizz, but when you taste it, it tastes fine. That’s Danks. You look at him and his name looks all weird and you don’t trust him then you start him and he’s fine.

Aaron Cook - Double A *beep beep* C-O-O-K. Okay, more disclosure, I’ve had him on a team for two months now. That’s two months longer than I ever thought I’d have Aaron Cook on a team. Whatevs. For a fourth starter on a fantasy team, you can do a lot worse. *cough* Pedro *cough*

Alex Gordon - Guess who’s turning it on? Seriously, guess. Why wouldn’t you guess Alex Gordon?! This question was right next to his name. What, you don’t want to succeed? Success scares you? Gordon, 3 HRs in last week.

Matt Garza - 7 IP, 5 H, 0 ER, 3 Ks. No walks, which is a great sign. I told someone not to start him yesterday against the Sox. I also read the Michael J. Fox autobiography, Lucky Man: A Memoir. Twice. Sometimes you need to zig when I’m zagging.

Mariano Rivera - Kazaam!

J.J. Hardy - 2 HRs and over .450 in the last 7 games. He hit 15 home runs in two months last year. He can get hot. Recognize!

David Wright - 16th HR yesterday. 3 HRs in the last 7 games. He’s soooooo perfect. Like OJ Simpson in the 70s.

Todd Wellemeyer - My fifth starter has a second name it’s something-something-M-E-Y-E-R and has now given up 14 runs in 13.1 innings.

Cliff Lee - 8 IP, 1 ER. Still no sign of aging on Dorian Gray’s face.

Miguel Cabrera - Pinch hit, which is a good sign if people were worried about him heading to the DL.

Rafael Furcal - Officially pulling a Kotchman. After his first minor league game, his back hurt. Something tells me we may not see Furcal again for a while and he may not do anyone any good when he does return.

Jorge Cantu - Hasn’t a hit a HR since June 12th. I get no pleasure in seeing him struggle because I have him on two teams. Damn! I should’ve went with lederhosen pictures and Wiener schnitzel recipes.

Adam Lind - Way back in April, I grabbed Lind. Turned out bad like the last two seasons of 24, so I dropped him. Now he’s back and hitting. I just dropped Melky for him in one league. I love Melky’s name; I hate what Melky does to my team.

Joe Borowski - After the game, Eric Wedge said, “I thought he pitched well, they just got lucky.” After the interview, the Indians put Wedge’s name in the hat for Emmy consideration.

2008 Fantasy Baseball is similar to every of year of fantasy baseball in its dissimilarity of the similar. Hey, I sound like Dr. Suess after three Coladas. (BTW, I’m not implying Dr. Seuss was a drunk. He seemed like a peyote man to me.) To paraphrase Sinatra, “Fantasy baseball surprises… Yeah, we’ve had a few.” Since it’s almost halfway through the 2008 season, here’s a look at the top twenty fantasy baseball surprises according to me. Who am I? The CEP (Chief Executive ‘Pert) for the number one fantasy baseball blog. That’s who. (Or whom. I can’t ever figure out the difference. I never said we were the number one Who/Whom blog. But if we were, Who would write for it. Or Whom. Or would they have one blog author that was Who and the dissenting opinion would be Whom?) Anyway, here’s 2008’s biggest fantasy baseball surprises:

20. Justin Duchscherer - Why isn’t Scot Shields starting for the Angels? Can’t Broxton go six? Damaso Marte has to be better than all of the Pirates starters, right?

19. Ryan Dempster - At least Dook-sheer was good as a reliever. Seriously, my head is spinning from Dempster’s season thus far. My head isn’t meant to spin!

18. Xavier Nady - Two days after the season started, I said pick him up cause you never know how long guys will stay hot. You are only lying to yourself if you listened to me. I didn’t even listen to me.

17. Cristian Guzman - What gets him on this list? Being less awful than is expected. Tallest midget on the list. (I didn’t use the term “little person” because “little person” groups midgets and dwarfs together. This seems to be selling both groups short. Pun obviously intended. Don’t make me point out the obvious!)

16. Nate McLouth - ADP 194. Yeah, that’s McValue.

15. Jason Bay - Maybe this is only a surprise to me, but I thought he was toast. (Here’s someone who never stopped believing.)

14. Jorge Cantu - More valuable than Ryan Howard, Prince Fielder, Justin Morneau, Aramis Ramirez, Garret Atkins, Carlos Guillen and the guy he replaced, Miguel Cabrera. Seriously, you could’ve drafted Cantu in the first round and it would’ve worked out for you. Now you figure out this game of fantasy baseball.

13. Jacoby Ellsbury - 34 steals; 36 steals for all Red Sox not named Jacoby.

12. Victor Martinez - Kelly Shoppach would’ve gave you more value. (For those unfamiliar with that name, it is not the name of Zach’s girlfriend in Saved By The Bell, but I don’t fault you for thinking so.)

11. Ervin Santana - Johan, Carlos and Tito move over; there’s a new Santana in town.

10. Miguel Cabrera - Joe Crede outperforming Miggy. Maybe Miggy should’ve stayed fat.

9. Rafael Furcal - He’s pulling a Kotchman and that’s just wrong.

8. Kerry Wood - Still healthy as he vies for Comeback Player of the Year honors. (BTW, recent winners of Comeback Player of the Year are Carlos Pena, Dmitri Young, Nomar, Thome, Konerko and Javy Lopez, so if Kerry makes it to October healthy, I still won’t be excited about him in ‘09.)

7. Troy Tulowitzki - When the injury came, half of me (the Lily Tomlin half) was actually happy I could pull him from my lineup.

6. J.J. Putz - Has made Mariners fan miss Miguel Batista, the closer.

5. Milton Bradley - In the beginning of the year, Milton Bradley would have punched you in your stupid face if you told him he was going to be in contention for a Triple Crown. Why? Because.

4. Carlos Quentin - CQ has performed much better than the crappy Coppola movie of the same name. (Speaking of which, at what point do The Godfather/Apocalypse Now favors end? The Coppola surname has wasted at least 300 hours of my life. And I’m subtracting the two hours for the wine tasting at his vineyard. My buzz was the least he could’ve done.)

3. Cliff Lee - The Mets hiring Zsa Zsa Gabor to replace Willie Randolph would be less surprising than his first 13 games started.

2. Edinson Volquez - I begged with you all to draft him before the year began. (BTW, in the same piece I point out how Karabell was wrong for being down on him. Seriously, he is ESPN’s top fantasy analyst — wow.) Of course, I didn’t even think Volquez would be sitting on the major league lead in strikeouts and ERA.

1. Josh Hamilton - Now the crack of the bat is the only crack Josh needs.

Lots of good news coming out about Peavy’s rehab. He said, “I feel good. Could probably take three Pujols line drives off the noggin’.” He wasn’t himself to start the year and then he revealed he had an arm issue. I think Peavy’s as good as Santana if not better when healthy. You won’t find a bigger fan of Peavy than me, but pitchers with arm issues? Eh. He’s real close to a tossup between Buy and Sell to me. What convinced me on Sell? I wrote Buy or Sell on the wall of my condo, then my pet unicorn stabbed Sell with her horn. (While getting sparkle dust all over my home office and setting my allergies into high gear. Also, and I don’t want to get preachy, but it so important to spay and neuter your unicorns and to buy them from reputable dealers. Unicorn mills are a problem and only “You A Can” help. But I digress.) I see Peavy pitching well for a start or three because he’s rested now, but within a month or two he’s going to be sore again and need another break and/or DL stint.  I know this is probably the last thing an owner of Peavy wants to hear, but I’m just trying to be conservative. I’m not proposing you sell him for anything less than his worth, but I am saying you sell him. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball players to buy and sell:

Psyche! (Not the TV show.) Before I get into this week’s Buy and Sell, I wanted to let you know that we have a huge announcement coming this Sunday night and I just wanted to prep people now. So if you need to take heart pills for big announcements, you’ve been warned. (BTW, we’re not selling out or welcoming any new bloggers into the mix. We’re not joining any “Network.” Razzball won’t suddenly start writing about antiquing (we’ll ween you into that). We will not start charging money to read this shizz. We’re not changing anything really, so chillax. All we’re doing is… Well, you’ll see. Let’s just say I’m giddy for all of you to know.)

BUY

Ty Wiggington - Only three home runs thus far. He could get to 20 with 2nd base eligibility, how’s that for a happy ending in Ty-Land?

Ryan Doumit - If you’re still playing the catcher shuffle, Doumit’s coming back. For what it’s worth, my unicorn is a big fan of Doumit.

Micah Owings - Not as terrific as he was, but he’s still striking out three times as many as he walks. Waivers I say, he no belong.

Chone Figgins - He’s due back soon. Sure, it took him way too long to come back the first time, but he can still be had for cheap because his owners (if there are any left) are fed up with him. Unlike Furcal (who we’ll get to), Figgins seems to run fine when he comes back from extended absences.

Jose Contreras - Don’t look now, but Contreras is on a crazy good streak. Last night’s 7 IP, 1 ER win against the Royals comes on the heels of a 3-1 May where he had a 2.45 ERA and 0.93 WHIP over 41 IP. On a more jaded note, those starts included SEA, TOR, and LAA (twice). And his K/BB was 25/12. So we upgrade him from ‘don’t own’ to ’stream starter.’ Hopefully he doesn’t quickly turn into a Cleveland Streamer.

Justin Masterson - He’s Jamaican and his next start is against the Mariners. High Times gives him their Smoking Blunt Seal of Approval™. (BTW, from the file of weird stats (Sorry, if this is your turf, Jayson Stark), the Mariners have struckout less than every other team. They also have walked the second least amount of times. Little League Coach of struggling team, “That’s it, just put it in play,” as he watches someone else groundout to 2nd base.)

Josh Anderson - Two steals in 10 ABs. He’s playing at least for the next two weeks while Kotsay mends. Anderson can steal 8 bases in the next two weeks.

Chris Carter - From the man that brought you Cancer Man, now comes a lefty slugger that should get some opportunities against righties while Papi mends. He’s worth a flier in AL-Only leagues.

Francisco Liriano - Probably will be back in late June, so depending on how aggressive your league is, you should grab him soon if you need a starter. Will he be the Liriano of old? No, not yet, but I’d grab him just to see if he’s still got it (which means, punch the wall to turn on the jukebox. Ayyyy…).

SELL

Jorge Posada - He’s back, but he needs labrum surgery and the Yanks are carrying three catchers because of their lack of faith in Posada. If you can trade Posada to someone for a piece you’re lacking, do it and grab Olivo (7 home runs and 23 RBIs in 127 at-bats) off waivers.

Travis Hafner - He’s swinging a bat again. Every bit of good news that comes out of the Pronk camp is an opportunity to sell him. Push that shizz as well as you can. For example, this is you talking to a leaguemate, “Yeah, he’s swinging a bat on his way to recovery! He was predicted to hit 30+ home runs this year, so he’s going to hit like 4 HRs every week for two months! Matter of fact, I just convinced myself not to trade Hafner! Okay, I’ll take Marmol for him.” (BTW, make sure you put exclamations on every sentence, except the one where you ask for a player. Like the The Quadratics sang, “That’s like taking candy from a baby…”)

Taipei Slinklo - I could have put any top closer here. If you’re sitting on a nine or ten in saves and your offense or starters are hurting, shame on you. Trade Taipei Slinklo? Pho sho!

Carlos Pena - I’d trade this schmohawk too, even if you’re selling low. I see him on his way, like Heidi Montag, to new bust territory.

Rafael Furcal - After taking five months last year to recover from an ankle injury and taking almost a month longer than he was supposed to for a back issue, makes me start to think he’s eating over at Nomar’s house too much. I’d try and move Furcal, he’s becoming way too brittle.

Radhames Liz - Not sure how the Orioles found another Daniel Cabrera, but they did. No wonder Leo Mazzone got out of Baltimore. (BTW, was it Glavine, Smoltz and Maddux or was it Mazzone? Part of me thinks Mazzone’s only real genius was figuring out if you rock back and forth on the bench people will think you’re some kind of Rainman savant. The other part of me feels like it’s blasphemous to even talk bad about Mazzone. Do you see how convincing that rocking is? You can’t even question it without feeling guilt. Okay, homework assignment, when your boss walks by your cubicle, rock back and forth then report to Razzball Nation your findings.)